You know what Jack Burton says at a time like this?
August 13, 2013 11:31 AM   Subscribe

Comic artist Chris Weston unilaterally declares it Kurt Russell week and produces a triptych of posters for Escape from New York, The Thing and Big Trouble in little China. These are just the roughs.
posted by Artw (61 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
 
Comic artist Chris Weston unilaterally declares it Kurt Russell week...

Bullshit. Let's see his badge. I've been having Kurt Russell Life and that's the way it's gonna be.

Seriously, though, these posters are awesome. Although nice try using angles to man up the Kurt's haricut from The Thing. Like it or not, dude's rocking straight-up Farrah Fawcett feathers in that movie.

Also, Escape from L.A. is a godawful movie, but worth it for the scene where Snake dons his new outfit. Mainly because it is the male-gaziest shot of a dude dressing in a movie I've ever seen. Like if the camera panned and there was someone standing there rubbing their hands together whispering "yes, yes, just like that" it would be complete.
posted by griphus at 11:42 AM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Escape from L.A. is a godawful movie

No, it's a hilariously campy wonderful godawful movie.

And yes it totally treats him as a piece of meat.
posted by The Whelk at 11:44 AM on August 13, 2013 [5 favorites]


Does he have any plans for The Horse in the Gray Flannel Suit or The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes? I would love to see his take on those.
posted by troika at 11:51 AM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Indeed!
posted by Jernau at 11:52 AM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


For all Escape from New York and Big Trouble in Little China are cheesy action flicks and thus get more attention, it's Breakdown where Kurt Russel really impressed me.
posted by LN at 11:53 AM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


I object to the Big Trouble in Little China poster. Where is the guy with the gigantic deltoids? That's the only thing I remember from that movie.
posted by goethean at 11:56 AM on August 13, 2013


He was perfectly cast for Death Proof.
posted by The Whelk at 11:58 AM on August 13, 2013


The best one-shot roleplaying game that I ever saw was a convention game where everyone played a different Kurt Russell character. If I'm recalling correctly, the lineup was Jack Burton, Snake Pliskenn, Todd (from Soldier) and Captain Ron.

Honestly, I don't remember a single thing about the plot, but with a lineup like that, why would I need to?
posted by Parasite Unseen at 11:58 AM on August 13, 2013 [8 favorites]


John Carpenter is really able to bring out of Kurt Russell one of the best, most fun action heroes imaginable. I love these movies, and I love the internet cult following they have. I can't believe I had never noticed how completely useless he is in Big Trouble in Little China for so many years until someone pointed it out on the internet; he basically falls down a lot and gets hit with things and all the important stuff is done by the other characters.
posted by Hoopo at 11:59 AM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


The best one-shot roleplaying game that I ever saw was a convention game where everyone played a different Kurt Russell character.

A friend had the Cyberpunk 2020 character "Dwight Wombat".
posted by Artw at 12:03 PM on August 13, 2013


Death Proof was straight-up Kurt Russel AU fanfic.
posted by griphus at 12:03 PM on August 13, 2013


Ah, the Holy Trinity of Carpenter/Russell films. These are the best for not-stupid, fun and engaging movies.
The best thing about Jack Burton is that he's all but totally useless except for his reaction time and response with thrown objects. With everything else he's clueless, brash and ignorant - I mean it takes him like two minutes to get the dead armoured dude off of him after he recovers from knocking himself out before the Big Fight! So yeah, that's part of what makes the movie so great is that Jack is SO amazingly inept and no one else really sees it either.
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:12 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


There is no yardstick available for the amount of want I am currently experiencing.
posted by Kitteh at 12:23 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


he basically falls down a lot and gets hit with things and all the important stuff is done by the other characters.

Jack Burton, aspect of the Eternal Dude, servant of the Cosmic Balance.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:27 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


I heard you were dead, Snake
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:28 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


Jack Burton, aspect of the Eternal Dude, servant of the Cosmic Balance.

So I am now imagining a supernatural road trip movie starring Jack Burton and Jeffrey Lebowski, co-written by W. D. Richter and Thomas Pynchon.
posted by selfnoise at 12:34 PM on August 13, 2013 [5 favorites]


These aren't for sale!?!

***pours whiskey into computer keyboard in disgust***
posted by Rangeboy at 12:42 PM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]




Lo Pan: Who?
Jack Burton: Jack Burton. ME.

(I love James Hong in Big Trouble so much.)
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 12:48 PM on August 13, 2013 [6 favorites]


Indeed!
posted by JanetLand at 12:56 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


With everything else he's clueless, brash and ignorant - I mean it takes him like two minutes to get the dead armoured dude off of him after he recovers from knocking himself out before the Big Fight! So yeah, that's part of what makes the movie so great is that Jack is SO amazingly inept and no one else really sees it either.

I keep waiting for Carpenter to sue JK Rowling for ripping this off. Though she didn't give Harry Potter any particularly great reaction time.
posted by phearlez at 12:58 PM on August 13, 2013


Indeed!
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 12:58 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


No Overboard? NO SALE.
posted by SharkParty at 12:59 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


In the DVD commentary for "Big Trouble," Carpenter explained that Jack Burton was the comedy relief and Wang the hero, but that the studio hated it or didn't quite get it, and required the opening bit where Egg Shen referred to Burton as a "great hero." Ah, well. Victor Wong made the scene work.

Also: David Lo Pan is the greatest movie villain of all time, and James Hong is a goddamned American treasure. All who disagree will be sent to the Hell of the Upside-Down Sinners.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 1:01 PM on August 13, 2013 [8 favorites]


No horse shit, Artw.
posted by Silvertree at 1:03 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


My life is filled with periodic moments of sadness for whenever I occasionally say, "You know what ol' Jack Burton says at a time like......" And the person responds, "who?" ...and they aren't quoting the movie. In fact, this pain is often followed by further pain which follows the response, "Never seen it."

I explain the movie to them. They make excuses and walk away. SO NOT COOL.
posted by Atreides at 1:05 PM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


David Lo Pan style
posted by Artw at 1:07 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


I object to the Big Trouble in Little China poster. Where is the guy with the gigantic deltoids? That's the only thing I remember from that movie.

Deltoid guy is in the middle section of the background of the poster, just above Jack's machine gun.
posted by stebulus at 1:13 PM on August 13, 2013


You know, I was just thinking the other day that it had been a while since there had been a Big Trouble in Little China post on the Blue. Now it's a good day. I've got a very positive attitude about this.
posted by mogget at 1:14 PM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


I've never seen Big Trouble in Little China... I think that's a bigger winning move in Nerd Humiliation that having never read Dune
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:24 PM on August 13, 2013


FAKE!
posted by Artw at 1:35 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Tango and Cash next, please.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:52 PM on August 13, 2013


I would like a poster that perfectly conveys the joviality of kidnapping an amnesiac woman and tricking her into thinking she's the mother of three boys over the course of weeks...


...okay, so Overboard can be kind of dark when you think on the premise.
posted by Atreides at 2:41 PM on August 13, 2013


he basically falls down a lot and gets hit with things and all the important stuff is done by the other characters.

That's because he's not the hero, Wang is. Jack is the sidekick.
posted by fings at 2:41 PM on August 13, 2013


Metafilter: I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's weird and pissed off, whatever it is.
posted by panboi at 2:47 PM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


My wife and I watched Overboard a couple of months ago. It's not a comedy, it's a crime film.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:04 PM on August 13, 2013


That's because he's not the hero, Wang is. Jack is the sidekick.

Well yeah, but as Harvey Jerkwater pointed out up here it's explicitly set up as "Jack Burton, hero" because the studio tampered a bit with what Carpenter wanted to do. And Burton is seemingly established as the main character at least in the early going, while driving his big rig full of ham and charisma right into the middle of this whole big mess. Instead it comes off more as a bit of the old "bumbling hero, competent sidekick" routine you see in things like Get Smart.
posted by Hoopo at 3:18 PM on August 13, 2013


Overboard is my favorite guilty pleasure. I love that movie SO MUCH and I dunno why. Big Trouble in Little China is right up there too. What IS it about Kurt Russell?
posted by gemmy at 3:27 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


He's shockingly good as the sniper in The Deadly Tower, a 1975 television movie based on the Charles Whitman snipings at the University of Austin, Texas. The whole of it is on YouTube.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 3:49 PM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Mainly because it is the male-gaziest shot of a dude dressing in a movie I've ever seen.

Welp, if that's whatcha wanna see then... Leeches. You seek Leeches. Dunno about shots of a dude dressing, but its male-gaze-at-dudes is stunningly over the top. Like, if (say) Twelve Angry Men is at zero on the gaze-o-meter and volleyball hijinks are... let's say five and full-on gay porn is at ten, this is like at 8.

I just wish I knew whether it was a sly comment about the male gaze in typical horror movies, or just straight-up creepin' on ~20 year old dudes.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:20 PM on August 13, 2013


Leeches was directed by David DeCoteau, his whole oeuvre is creeping on 20 year old twinks.
posted by The Whelk at 4:36 PM on August 13, 2013


I'll say it again, Escape from LA is a parody of Escape from New York.
posted by vogon_poet at 5:03 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ha ha ha I totally thought "wow that sounds like a Decoteau movie" and ha ha.
posted by griphus at 5:21 PM on August 13, 2013


But only because Larry Clark doesn't do horror.
posted by griphus at 5:22 PM on August 13, 2013


"Kurt Russell"

-Walt Disney's last (written) words

(more or less)
posted by ShutterBun at 5:42 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love the Carpenter/Russell movies unashamedly. They are comfort movies for me that I watch frequently (and the commentaries on the DVDs are awesome).

Big Trouble is a masterpiece, and so full of awesome little bits that you miss until you've seen it enough times (which is an infinite number). "Have I paid my dues? Yes sir, the check is in the mail." Jack Burton is a lummox. A lovable lummox with his heart in the right place who often accidentally ends up in the right place for the right things to happen, but definitely a lummox. He is the opposite of call me Snake.

And yes, James Hong is an unrecognized national treasure, and this really pisses me off to no end!
posted by biscotti at 6:53 PM on August 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


“They’re a private commission for a collective of film poster fans,”

it kills me when things like this are dropped in with no further explanation, as if it's a totally normal thing.
posted by billyfleetwood at 7:15 PM on August 13, 2013


First Rule of Film Poster Collective is not to speak about Film Poster Collective.
Second Rule of Film Poster Collective is that it's okay to mention it cryptically.
posted by Atreides at 7:20 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Son of a bitch must pay" has been my secret mantra for decades. No matter how bad the situation, that makes it easier to get through.

Years ago, my partner and I were visiting friends and the guys wanted to watch football, but I really didn't, so I dragged the wife with me to go out, and told the boys, "I really don't want to be trapped in the hell of the babbling sportscasters." My friend couldnt stop laughing at that -- and he's been laughing for years. No longer with my partner and my friend is now divorced from his wife, but we still have Big Trouble and the many different hells.
posted by emcat8 at 7:36 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hollow?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:37 PM on August 13, 2013


The Thing poster by Jock - there are secrets hidden in the stars!
posted by Artw at 7:48 PM on August 13, 2013


Carry on X-Men
posted by Artw at 8:17 PM on August 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Chinese got a lotta hells.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:24 PM on August 13, 2013


And yes, James Hong is an unrecognized national treasure

It's hard to get recognition when you just do eyes.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:27 PM on August 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would love to have that strange, ratcheting chair Gracie Law has in her office/apartment.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:33 PM on August 13, 2013


Overboard is a perennial favorite in our house. It's so twisted and yet sweet. We love it!

Also The Thing is a film that I find myself thinking about more often than any rational person would
posted by Doleful Creature at 12:01 AM on August 14, 2013


Old Jack always says ... what the hell.
posted by Pistache at 5:23 AM on August 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also: David Lo Pan is the greatest movie villain of all time, and James Hong is a goddamned American treasure. All who disagree will be sent to the Hell of the Upside-Down Sinners.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 1:01 PM on August 13 [8 favorites +] [!]


Chinese got a lot of Hells, Harvey.
posted by Thistledown at 10:19 AM on August 14, 2013


Can we just take a moment and mention how great Victor Wong is as Egg Shen? So many great lines, delivered with panache. "We take what we want and leave the rest, just like your salad bar." All that and a Six Demon Bag.

Also, I can't be the only one who says, "If we're not back in two hours, call the President," can I?
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 11:19 AM on August 14, 2013


Chinese have a lot of....ahhh dammit. I love that film. fave quote is of course:

Hollow?
Hollow.
Fuck it.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 6:38 PM on August 14, 2013 [2 favorites]




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