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August 24, 2013 12:23 PM Subscribe
This is also great for getting my daughter to swallow her food and drink instead of allowing it to luxuriate in her mouth indefinitely
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:53 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:53 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
When she grows up, whenever she cries, she'll suddenly think of animals and have no idea why.
posted by Obscure Reference at 12:57 PM on August 24, 2013 [38 favorites]
posted by Obscure Reference at 12:57 PM on August 24, 2013 [38 favorites]
People keep sharing this video and I keep wondering why you wouldn't just acknowledge her feelings and give her the tools to deal with them. Instead, she'll break up with a boyfriend and go moooooo or stick out her tongue, as Obscure Reference noted. It's never occurred to me to get my kids to stop crying when something upsets them and I find this video somewhat disturbing, as funny-bizarre as it seems.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 1:25 PM on August 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 1:25 PM on August 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
It only took 5 comments to get to the, "Behold my superior armchair parenting technique, which I have deigned to share with you based on the 20 seconds of video I just saw". I'm sure she's fine, enjoy the Saturday chuckles, kids are crazy, whatever works.
posted by GilloD at 1:32 PM on August 24, 2013 [65 favorites]
posted by GilloD at 1:32 PM on August 24, 2013 [65 favorites]
Sometimes toddlers don't actually have a reason for crying, which is why a mild distraction is enough to pop them out of it. Ignoring reasons for crying is always disrespectful, but pointing out that an instance of sadness is genuinely groundless is a kindness at any age.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2013 [33 favorites]
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2013 [33 favorites]
Well, she is forcing those tears pretty hard. It looks to be a case of Throwing A Strop rather than any genuine upset, though calling her a dummy seems a bit harsh from her dad.
Now her attention is diverted to more stimulating activities, such as kissing eggs. The look of wonder on her face then!
posted by ocular shenanigans at 1:34 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Now her attention is diverted to more stimulating activities, such as kissing eggs. The look of wonder on her face then!
posted by ocular shenanigans at 1:34 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
If only all traumatic life moments could be dealt with using the kissing egg.
posted by smidgen at 1:34 PM on August 24, 2013 [13 favorites]
posted by smidgen at 1:34 PM on August 24, 2013 [13 favorites]
People keep sharing this video and I keep wondering why you wouldn't just acknowledge her feelings and give her the tools to deal with them.
Thinking about other things is a great way to deal with (minor) bad feelings
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:38 PM on August 24, 2013 [16 favorites]
Thinking about other things is a great way to deal with (minor) bad feelings
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:38 PM on August 24, 2013 [16 favorites]
calling her a dummy seems a bit harsh from her dad.
He said, "be a dummy," and she moved her mouth all funny-like. I'm pretty sure she was being a ventriloquist's dummy, not being called a dummy.
posted by explosion at 1:47 PM on August 24, 2013 [32 favorites]
He said, "be a dummy," and she moved her mouth all funny-like. I'm pretty sure she was being a ventriloquist's dummy, not being called a dummy.
posted by explosion at 1:47 PM on August 24, 2013 [32 favorites]
People keep sharing this video and I keep wondering why you wouldn't just acknowledge her feelings and give her the tools to deal with them.
At the age the kid is at in the video, they don't really have the cognitive ability to understand and control their emotions effectively, especially when they're tired or hungry. I learned quite early that an emotional response from kids under three years old can't be countered with logic but rather in-kind emotion. That she can be distracted from these outbursts suggests that it's not a serious emotion to begin with.
Meanwhile, my three and a half year old daughter will fake cry and then ask me 'WHY ARE THERE NO TEARS!'
posted by jimmythefish at 1:48 PM on August 24, 2013 [35 favorites]
At the age the kid is at in the video, they don't really have the cognitive ability to understand and control their emotions effectively, especially when they're tired or hungry. I learned quite early that an emotional response from kids under three years old can't be countered with logic but rather in-kind emotion. That she can be distracted from these outbursts suggests that it's not a serious emotion to begin with.
Meanwhile, my three and a half year old daughter will fake cry and then ask me 'WHY ARE THERE NO TEARS!'
posted by jimmythefish at 1:48 PM on August 24, 2013 [35 favorites]
Well, if she's crying to get attention, it's working.
posted by HuronBob at 1:51 PM on August 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by HuronBob at 1:51 PM on August 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
He said, "be a dummy," and she moved her mouth all funny-like. I'm pretty sure she was being a ventriloquist's dummy, not being called a dummy.
That... makes more sense. I'd thought 'dummy' as in 'pacfier' and couldn't get it to work. Looks like she might be catching on though, she manages to successfully fake cry and stick her tongue out. All mind games.
posted by ocular shenanigans at 1:52 PM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
That... makes more sense. I'd thought 'dummy' as in 'pacfier' and couldn't get it to work. Looks like she might be catching on though, she manages to successfully fake cry and stick her tongue out. All mind games.
posted by ocular shenanigans at 1:52 PM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
Have you tried turning the child off, then on again?
(You do this in my experience by saying "UPSEY DAISY!" and then turning them upside down. Then back up again. Usually works.)
posted by selfnoise at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2013 [68 favorites]
(You do this in my experience by saying "UPSEY DAISY!" and then turning them upside down. Then back up again. Usually works.)
posted by selfnoise at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2013 [68 favorites]
Quick, before my kids get home, someone tell me if this works with melodramatic 7-year-olds!
posted by mittens at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by mittens at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
I saw this on reddit and thought this was a pretty interesting take on it:
It's been proven that much of the crying/frustration of children that age comes from their inability to communicate or verbalize what they think. That's why some parents teach sign language to their toddlers. By asking her to verbalize what she CAN say, it alieves some of the frustration.
posted by orme at 2:09 PM on August 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
It's been proven that much of the crying/frustration of children that age comes from their inability to communicate or verbalize what they think. That's why some parents teach sign language to their toddlers. By asking her to verbalize what she CAN say, it alieves some of the frustration.
posted by orme at 2:09 PM on August 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
^ I've actually heard that, too. A friend of mine had a baby (quite a while ago, now) who use to cry all. the. time. A friend of hers had said the same thing, that it's the kid being frustrated at not having the words to say what they want to. Now the kid's quite a bit older and even when he was six he was the most articulate young man I'd ever met in my life.
posted by Chutzler at 2:48 PM on August 24, 2013
posted by Chutzler at 2:48 PM on August 24, 2013
> (You do this in my experience by saying "UPSEY DAISY!" and then turning them upside down. Then back up again
That worked for both of my toddlers most of the time, too. But sometimes I'll be with a friend's kid and the kid will be freaking out for whatever reason and I'll do something physical, and that just makes it worse. I don't think it's that the kid doesn't want to be touched by me -- I would only do it to a child I knew well -- but that some children just don't have the slapstick reset button mine did.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:02 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
That worked for both of my toddlers most of the time, too. But sometimes I'll be with a friend's kid and the kid will be freaking out for whatever reason and I'll do something physical, and that just makes it worse. I don't think it's that the kid doesn't want to be touched by me -- I would only do it to a child I knew well -- but that some children just don't have the slapstick reset button mine did.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:02 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
In my extremely limited and reluctant experience the best way to get kids to stop fake crying is to fake cry right back at them at equal volume and drama level until they realize the hilarity of the situation.
posted by elizardbits at 3:08 PM on August 24, 2013 [13 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 3:08 PM on August 24, 2013 [13 favorites]
...the best way to get kids to stop fake crying is to fake cry right back at them...
Like this, eh?
posted by HuronBob at 3:14 PM on August 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Like this, eh?
posted by HuronBob at 3:14 PM on August 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
It's never occurred to me to get my kids to stop crying when something upsets them and I find this video somewhat disturbing, as funny-bizarre as it seems.
oh sweet jesus i fear for the future
The kid is tantruming and fake crying. You can tell because the stupidest thing will distract her. "Acknowledging her feelings" or whatever is precisely the opposite of what you want to do.
posted by DU at 3:36 PM on August 24, 2013 [17 favorites]
oh sweet jesus i fear for the future
The kid is tantruming and fake crying. You can tell because the stupidest thing will distract her. "Acknowledging her feelings" or whatever is precisely the opposite of what you want to do.
posted by DU at 3:36 PM on August 24, 2013 [17 favorites]
We have 'Chaussette and the Pussy Cats' going off in one direction and 'DU' in the other. Why not both settle down a bit and shake hands?
Move on, there is nothing to see here!
posted by nostrada at 3:57 PM on August 24, 2013
Move on, there is nothing to see here!
posted by nostrada at 3:57 PM on August 24, 2013
Instead, she'll break up with a boyfriend and go moooooo or stick out her tongue
Oh god, I hope so.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:57 PM on August 24, 2013 [16 favorites]
Oh god, I hope so.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:57 PM on August 24, 2013 [16 favorites]
Quick, before my kids get home, someone tell me if this works with melodramatic 7-year-olds!
My daughter's 7. There are actually a few types of fake-cries. They can mean "I'm bored", "I'm tired", "I'm annoyed by you", "I want this" and "I can't articulate what's bothering me or why". By learning the gradations that indicate these things, I respond appropriately. Comedic distraction when the fake-cry's over a temporary inconvenience is fine. It's all acknowledgement of how she feels, depending on the feeling expressed.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:01 PM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
My daughter's 7. There are actually a few types of fake-cries. They can mean "I'm bored", "I'm tired", "I'm annoyed by you", "I want this" and "I can't articulate what's bothering me or why". By learning the gradations that indicate these things, I respond appropriately. Comedic distraction when the fake-cry's over a temporary inconvenience is fine. It's all acknowledgement of how she feels, depending on the feeling expressed.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:01 PM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
We have 'Chaussette and the Pussy Cats' going off in one direction and 'DU' in the other. Why not both settle down a bit and shake hands?You misspelled "arm wrestle".
[...]
posted by nostrada at 3:57 PM on August 24
posted by mistersquid at 4:14 PM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
Her Christopher Walken is pretty good too.
The Cow? Here's the thing. If I may. The Cow doesn't "go." Be it a heifer or a steer, mickey or a pollard ... or an OX. There's a substantial bovine familiarity ... Ya gotta have. 50 percent of bovines are male. The other half *shrug* female. So ya gotta be sure, one's a bull, one's a heifer.
One heifer cow? One cow goes: "Moo."
posted by Smedleyman at 4:48 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
The Cow? Here's the thing. If I may. The Cow doesn't "go." Be it a heifer or a steer, mickey or a pollard ... or an OX. There's a substantial bovine familiarity ... Ya gotta have. 50 percent of bovines are male. The other half *shrug* female. So ya gotta be sure, one's a bull, one's a heifer.
One heifer cow? One cow goes: "Moo."
posted by Smedleyman at 4:48 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
The phrases "Harry, it sucks!" and "30,000 pounds of bananas" both worked pretty well for me and mine, in terms of turning toddler frowns around. Both my boys knew the Harry Chapin song of the latter title, and the catchphrases by the time they got out of the "terrible 2s," and still use the former today, when they stub their toes, or otherwise experience life's inevitable negative vicissitudes.
posted by paulsc at 4:56 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by paulsc at 4:56 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Dad rewards the fake crying of his daughter with a fun game. She is indeed adorable but a crying child can activate a MAKE IT STOP area of the brain that causes interference with all other brain function, especially and uncannily the parenting book and the seasoned parents advice sections of the brain.
He's a nice dad.
posted by vapidave at 4:59 PM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
He's a nice dad.
posted by vapidave at 4:59 PM on August 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
vapidave - specially when it is your daughter. Half the woman you love, half yourself!
posted by nostrada at 5:04 PM on August 24, 2013
posted by nostrada at 5:04 PM on August 24, 2013
Misdirection is amazing. Works on kids of all ages!
posted by limeonaire at 5:08 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by limeonaire at 5:08 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Fake crying is annoying, any non-violent, prefferably funny ways of getting little kids not to do it are good.
Then when there's a REAL reason a kid is crying, hopefully you can be of more help.
I had a friend who'se little girl had fake crying down to a fine art. Had her mom totally fooled, since usually she was in the back seat, in her car-seat, and her mom was driving.
I usually got stuck in back because the little girl loved me.
I figured out about the fake crying and usually would get her to raise her face.
We got to where we had varying silly things we did to distract her. She's smart, so we had several things we did.
Mine was animal noises.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 6:09 PM on August 24, 2013
Then when there's a REAL reason a kid is crying, hopefully you can be of more help.
I had a friend who'se little girl had fake crying down to a fine art. Had her mom totally fooled, since usually she was in the back seat, in her car-seat, and her mom was driving.
I usually got stuck in back because the little girl loved me.
I figured out about the fake crying and usually would get her to raise her face.
We got to where we had varying silly things we did to distract her. She's smart, so we had several things we did.
Mine was animal noises.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 6:09 PM on August 24, 2013
Hmm. I thought. Maybe this innocuous, sweet video in which a girl stops crying repeatedly will manage to escape the standard 'you're doing it wrong' sanctimony of any other video with a child that's posted to MetaFilter. But nope, five comments and an hour in...
I saw this video a couple of days ago. Yesterday, we had a family lunch, including my three-year-old niece and six-month-old nephew. My niece is quite rambunctious, and she cried both real (banged her head) and fake tears, usually when we took something off her she wasn't supposed to have.
One of the times, when she was hiding around the corner trying very hard to stay mad at us, I thought I'd try the animal noises questions on her.
"What sound does a cow make?"
"We don't have a cow."
"Oh, then what sound does a sheep make?"
"We don't have a sheep." Instead of crying, she was now looking at me scornfully. I mean, I've been to their house, don't I know all this?
"What about what sound does a cat make?"
"We don't have a cat. We don't live on a farm."
With that, she got off the floor and went back to trying to find all the coasters. I didn't even get a moo out of her! Clearly, the video is a lie.
posted by gadge emeritus at 7:15 PM on August 24, 2013 [10 favorites]
I saw this video a couple of days ago. Yesterday, we had a family lunch, including my three-year-old niece and six-month-old nephew. My niece is quite rambunctious, and she cried both real (banged her head) and fake tears, usually when we took something off her she wasn't supposed to have.
One of the times, when she was hiding around the corner trying very hard to stay mad at us, I thought I'd try the animal noises questions on her.
"What sound does a cow make?"
"We don't have a cow."
"Oh, then what sound does a sheep make?"
"We don't have a sheep." Instead of crying, she was now looking at me scornfully. I mean, I've been to their house, don't I know all this?
"What about what sound does a cat make?"
"We don't have a cat. We don't live on a farm."
With that, she got off the floor and went back to trying to find all the coasters. I didn't even get a moo out of her! Clearly, the video is a lie.
posted by gadge emeritus at 7:15 PM on August 24, 2013 [10 favorites]
My completely useless technique for my 1.5 year old when he is crying without reason, or doing anything else that is cramping my style, is to say "be reasonable".
Some day it is going to work!
posted by Meatbomb at 8:57 PM on August 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
Some day it is going to work!
posted by Meatbomb at 8:57 PM on August 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
> We don't have a cat. We don't live on a farm
Is she a Pratchett fan already?
[The children's book] bothered Vimes, even though he"d got really good at the noises and would go up against any man in his rendition of the "Hruuugh!" But was this a book for a city kid? When would he ever hear these noises? In the city the only sound those animals would make was "sizzle." But the nursery was full of the conspiracy, with baa-lambs and teddy bears and fluffy ducklings everywhere he looked.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:37 PM on August 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
Is she a Pratchett fan already?
[The children's book] bothered Vimes, even though he"d got really good at the noises and would go up against any man in his rendition of the "Hruuugh!" But was this a book for a city kid? When would he ever hear these noises? In the city the only sound those animals would make was "sizzle." But the nursery was full of the conspiracy, with baa-lambs and teddy bears and fluffy ducklings everywhere he looked.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:37 PM on August 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
My technique if there's a child crying in my house is pour myself a drink and shoo it outside because I don't have children so it's obviously lost.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:40 PM on August 24, 2013 [24 favorites]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:40 PM on August 24, 2013 [24 favorites]
> Instead, she'll break up with a boyfriend and go moooooo or stick out her tongue
Oh god, I hope so.
By Grand Central Station She Sat Down and Mooed
posted by Wonton Cruelty at 10:13 PM on August 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Oh god, I hope so.
By Grand Central Station She Sat Down and Mooed
posted by Wonton Cruelty at 10:13 PM on August 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
This sort of thing is weird to me, I just had a discussion with my wife about it 20 minutes ago.
A few weeks ago I was on vacation with my in-laws, and three kids under 4. My little 2 year old daughter and her two boy cousins, 2 and 4. I was talking to my Mother in-law and she mentioned something my Brother in-law (son) said. How when the women left on a couple of outings, the kids never whined once, never cried once, never begged once and were just fine doing their own thing.
It struck me as amazing, because that has always been my experience with my own daughter on my own. Yet my Mother in-law just couldn't believe it. Neither could my wife, even though I have told her so several times.
I have found that in the absence of Mommy, most kids just keep on trucking and don't even bother with the crying or whining. And when they do whine like that, if you just distract them with something silly like "What animal is that" or "What color are my shoes", they just stop it and answer, and then keep on trucking.
Sorry Mommies. Picking them up and hugs are not always the best course of action.
posted by sanka at 10:29 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
A few weeks ago I was on vacation with my in-laws, and three kids under 4. My little 2 year old daughter and her two boy cousins, 2 and 4. I was talking to my Mother in-law and she mentioned something my Brother in-law (son) said. How when the women left on a couple of outings, the kids never whined once, never cried once, never begged once and were just fine doing their own thing.
It struck me as amazing, because that has always been my experience with my own daughter on my own. Yet my Mother in-law just couldn't believe it. Neither could my wife, even though I have told her so several times.
I have found that in the absence of Mommy, most kids just keep on trucking and don't even bother with the crying or whining. And when they do whine like that, if you just distract them with something silly like "What animal is that" or "What color are my shoes", they just stop it and answer, and then keep on trucking.
Sorry Mommies. Picking them up and hugs are not always the best course of action.
posted by sanka at 10:29 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
selfnoise: "Have you tried turning the child off, then on again?
(You do this in my experience by saying "UPSEY DAISY!" and then turning them upside down. Then back up again. Usually works.)"
Yeah, but when you drop them, good luck getting warranty service.
posted by Samizdata at 11:22 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
(You do this in my experience by saying "UPSEY DAISY!" and then turning them upside down. Then back up again. Usually works.)"
Yeah, but when you drop them, good luck getting warranty service.
posted by Samizdata at 11:22 PM on August 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Wolfdog: "Instead, she'll break up with a boyfriend and go moooooo or stick out her tongue
Oh god, I hope so."
And let me be there when it happens, God, PLEASE! I ask for SO LITTLE!
posted by Samizdata at 11:23 PM on August 24, 2013
Oh god, I hope so."
And let me be there when it happens, God, PLEASE! I ask for SO LITTLE!
posted by Samizdata at 11:23 PM on August 24, 2013
Metafilter: WHY ARE THERE NO TEARS!
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:45 PM on August 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:45 PM on August 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
Good grief - I didn't realize people would think I was serious about the mooing. I only mean that you could just as easily say, "You're upset about _____. You don't like ______" and move on or, for a little one, "No ______" or "all gone" or "uh-oh" and maybe some sign language, if you're into that.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 12:06 AM on August 25, 2013
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 12:06 AM on August 25, 2013
...the best way to get kids to stop fake crying is to fake cry right back at them...
Like this, eh?
Just as long as it's not like this.
posted by GoingToShopping at 12:26 AM on August 25, 2013
Like this, eh?
Just as long as it's not like this.
posted by GoingToShopping at 12:26 AM on August 25, 2013
I didn't realize people would think I was serious about the mooing.
They didn't, but when you say something as stupid as that people are going to have fun with it.
What they're also reacting to is that you managed to jump in and be the first one to explain why someone was parenting the wrong way, based on a brief, amusing video of them stopping their daughter from being upset. You found offence in someone cheering up their daughter, and your hyperbole didn't help.
Someone doesn't always have to say why parents are doing it wrong and how they know better. You just managed to do it in a rather silly fashion.
posted by gadge emeritus at 1:59 AM on August 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
They didn't, but when you say something as stupid as that people are going to have fun with it.
What they're also reacting to is that you managed to jump in and be the first one to explain why someone was parenting the wrong way, based on a brief, amusing video of them stopping their daughter from being upset. You found offence in someone cheering up their daughter, and your hyperbole didn't help.
Someone doesn't always have to say why parents are doing it wrong and how they know better. You just managed to do it in a rather silly fashion.
posted by gadge emeritus at 1:59 AM on August 25, 2013 [3 favorites]
I have found that in the absence of Mommy, most kids just keep on trucking and don't even bother with the crying or whining. And when they do whine like that, if you just distract them with something silly like "What animal is that" or "What color are my shoes", they just stop it and answer, and then keep on trucking.
Sorry Mommies. Picking them up and hugs are not always the best course of action.
I've noticed this too. Not so much gender, but just that kids are really good at learning what they are going to get from each parent, and extracting what they can. I just spent a weekend with my friends and their kids, and I was amazed at how this played out. The kids would be fine when just the daddies were around. As soon as mommy came back, it was a better than 50/50 bet that the kid would need some cuddling time. Not because daddy was ignoring their precious emotional needs (as some mommies would accuse), but because they just missed their mom and wanted to reconnect.
The trick is being able to be a mind reader- knowing when the kid needs some attention versus when they just want to be the center of attention. It's a fine balance between giving the kid what they need versus teaching them the skill of self soothing and delaying gratification.
posted by gjc at 3:04 AM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
Sorry Mommies. Picking them up and hugs are not always the best course of action.
I've noticed this too. Not so much gender, but just that kids are really good at learning what they are going to get from each parent, and extracting what they can. I just spent a weekend with my friends and their kids, and I was amazed at how this played out. The kids would be fine when just the daddies were around. As soon as mommy came back, it was a better than 50/50 bet that the kid would need some cuddling time. Not because daddy was ignoring their precious emotional needs (as some mommies would accuse), but because they just missed their mom and wanted to reconnect.
The trick is being able to be a mind reader- knowing when the kid needs some attention versus when they just want to be the center of attention. It's a fine balance between giving the kid what they need versus teaching them the skill of self soothing and delaying gratification.
posted by gjc at 3:04 AM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
Once, when my daughter was 3, she started fake fussing over some silly little thing. I shot her this incredulous look like, "Are you for real right now 'cause that is ridiculous." I must have really put my eyebrows into it, because it broke her resolve instantly and she started cracking up. We had a good laugh.
posted by history_denier at 9:18 AM on August 25, 2013
posted by history_denier at 9:18 AM on August 25, 2013
This video is cute but unfortunately its comments are weird, irrelevant, and ugly. What is wrong with people.
posted by NedKoppel at 6:05 PM on August 25, 2013
posted by NedKoppel at 6:05 PM on August 25, 2013
My kids did fake crying but then I figured that they were just checking out what pushed my buttons. I started saying that's not going to work, and my youngest of four kids responded right after she turned 4 years old...well, what is GOING TO WORK? I am still laughing....
posted by OhSusannah at 6:52 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by OhSusannah at 6:52 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
I do think that children are more stoic when away from their primary caregiver/attachment figure
I'm looking at you, Sally Draper.
posted by sweetkid at 7:22 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm looking at you, Sally Draper.
posted by sweetkid at 7:22 PM on August 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
Chaussette and the Pussy Cats: People keep sharing this video and I keep wondering why you wouldn't just acknowledge her feelings and give her the tools to deal with them. Instead, she'll break up with a boyfriend and go moooooo or stick out her tongue, as Obscure Reference noted. It's never occurred to me to get my kids to stop crying when something upsets them and I find this video somewhat disturbing, as funny-bizarre as it seems.Eponysterical.
Really.
Emphasis on the 'sterical.
posted by IAmBroom at 3:18 PM on August 26, 2013
> Emphasis on the 'sterical.
I don't get it.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:11 AM on August 27, 2013
I don't get it.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:11 AM on August 27, 2013
Ouch. I agree with the young rope rider on this. This is not a Mommy vs Daddy thing, it is a caregiver-style thing.
sanka: Sorry Mommies. Picking them up and hugs are not always the best course of action.
Well, yes. Obviously. And sometimes they are.
You have a young daughter, and you have this all figured out already? Wow. That's great! How helpful of you to share you knowledge with your MIL. Do keep letting your wife know she is doing it all wrong. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
I just spent a weekend with my friends and their kids, and I was amazed at how this played out. The kids would be fine when just the daddies were around. As soon as mommy came back, it was a better than 50/50 bet that the kid would need some cuddling time. Not because daddy was ignoring their precious emotional needs (as some mommies would accuse), but because they just missed their mom and wanted to reconnect.
The trick is being able to be a mind reader- knowing when the kid needs some attention versus when they just want to be the center of attention. It's a fine balance between giving the kid what they need versus teaching them the skill of self soothing and delaying gratification.
I get that you are trying to be sensitive, gjc, with the mind-reading and the fine balance distinctions, but, again, you have to realize that your perceptions are limited to one weekend with these kids and their families, right? You're not privy to what goes on behind the scenes, 24/7.
Look, maybe these Mommies are over-protective. Maybe these Daddies are perfectly Joe Cool. Or maybe there's history of the Dads not pulling their weight, and the Moms getting frustrated, that had the Moms over-reacting this time. Maybe you like that the Daddies parent that way because it sure is a lot easier to ignore stuff than react to it, so you had some confirmation bias going on. Point is, you just don't know everything based one weekend with other people and their kids!
Please take it easy on parents. You're getting the occasional glimpse of a much bigger picture. Naturally these folks are not going to come across as perfect parents when seen in that light.
As a matter of fact, I'd be pretty darned suspicious of anyone who did! Because there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
posted by misha at 1:44 PM on August 27, 2013
sanka: Sorry Mommies. Picking them up and hugs are not always the best course of action.
Well, yes. Obviously. And sometimes they are.
You have a young daughter, and you have this all figured out already? Wow. That's great! How helpful of you to share you knowledge with your MIL. Do keep letting your wife know she is doing it all wrong. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
I just spent a weekend with my friends and their kids, and I was amazed at how this played out. The kids would be fine when just the daddies were around. As soon as mommy came back, it was a better than 50/50 bet that the kid would need some cuddling time. Not because daddy was ignoring their precious emotional needs (as some mommies would accuse), but because they just missed their mom and wanted to reconnect.
The trick is being able to be a mind reader- knowing when the kid needs some attention versus when they just want to be the center of attention. It's a fine balance between giving the kid what they need versus teaching them the skill of self soothing and delaying gratification.
I get that you are trying to be sensitive, gjc, with the mind-reading and the fine balance distinctions, but, again, you have to realize that your perceptions are limited to one weekend with these kids and their families, right? You're not privy to what goes on behind the scenes, 24/7.
Look, maybe these Mommies are over-protective. Maybe these Daddies are perfectly Joe Cool. Or maybe there's history of the Dads not pulling their weight, and the Moms getting frustrated, that had the Moms over-reacting this time. Maybe you like that the Daddies parent that way because it sure is a lot easier to ignore stuff than react to it, so you had some confirmation bias going on. Point is, you just don't know everything based one weekend with other people and their kids!
Please take it easy on parents. You're getting the occasional glimpse of a much bigger picture. Naturally these folks are not going to come across as perfect parents when seen in that light.
As a matter of fact, I'd be pretty darned suspicious of anyone who did! Because there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
posted by misha at 1:44 PM on August 27, 2013
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posted by arcticseal at 12:38 PM on August 24, 2013