Answers to Paul
September 6, 2013 5:52 PM   Subscribe

posted by emjaybee (11 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
The perfect dog for your man-cave.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:19 PM on September 6, 2013

I couldn't help but imagine it read by Cecil.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 6:24 PM on September 6, 2013 [4 favorites]

The entire set of Dog Classifieds may be found at its original home, which is at Something Awful. This is a copy without attribution of the first one, "Lots of Dogs".
posted by cobaltnine at 6:43 PM on September 6, 2013 [6 favorites]

Well, poop, Cobaltnine. I was too trusting of the source. I hate when people do that. Thank you for tracking it down.

Mods, if you want to change the link, please feel free. And perhaps the description to "SL Something Awful" or whatever the Metafilter codewords are.
posted by emjaybee at 6:48 PM on September 6, 2013

I couldn't help but imagine it read by Cecil.

SomethingAwful's Zack Parsons has written for Welcome to Night Vale! Everything is connected!

Although the dog things are by Josh "Livestock" Boruff, not Zack Parsons.


It's all good stuff either way.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:13 PM on September 6, 2013

This is great! It reminds me a little of this oldie but goodie.
posted by triggerfinger at 7:57 PM on September 6, 2013

I may have mentioned my grandfather was a well known dog breeder. There is a subtype, or varietal, or whatever the proper term is, of beagle that bears his last name, they have extra large paws for standing on snow. He showed it to me in a book and everything.

Each year he sold his puppies, he only ever had one or two litters a year,via classified in some kind of super niche AKC quarterly publication for hunting dog aficionados. I think they just said "beagle hound pups 4 sale"

Now usually people who buy and sell hunting dogs out of Hunting Dog Quartely do not fuck around. These dogs all came with actual hand written pedigrees he carefully copied out of his breeding plan books full of names that included "AKC field champion", with like actual ribbons and trophies and shit to back it up. Some 70 year old would come by, some kind of beat up truck and a 50 year old wood milk crate full of straw to put puppies in. Spend 8 hours dickering and telling hunting stories about hunting snowshoe rabbits in 1930. Scrutinize the pedigrees. Pay in crumpled up 5 dollar bills out of a coffee can. These guy had been doing shit this way since the depression.

One year a guy came by with a state of the art truck with a mobile kennel in the back of his truck, paid the asking price for all the puppies with a money order, rolled up the pedigrees, and drove off. Didn't even try to haggle or tell any tall tales. Said he wanted all the puppies he could produce.Kinda lost its fun after that.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:10 PM on September 6, 2013 [9 favorites]

Yeah, I know a guy (a Mefite) who worked part time escorting a Westminster winning dog (best in show or maybe just best in breed) around the country to impregnate other dogs. Sometimes he just delivered semen. I know they paid insane amounts for it, but there must be a reason they didnt mail it (perhaps temperature).
posted by whatgorilla at 9:31 PM on September 6, 2013

I know they paid insane amounts for it, but there must be a reason they didnt mail it

Well it kinda loses the romance that way, doesn't it?
posted by DynamiteToast at 10:12 PM on September 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

I feel like I remember something like this from the early-ish days of the internet. Except it was all dachshunds. It was a lesser page on some well-known amusement site.

God, I wish I could find that.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 10:42 PM on September 6, 2013

Reminiscent of classified pages from the Framley Examiner.
posted by speedo at 5:40 AM on September 8, 2013 [1 favorite]

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