It's like Shark Week, but for goats
September 16, 2013 12:00 PM   Subscribe

 
LIVE EAR AND TAIL WAGGLING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW GUYS
posted by elizardbits at 12:02 PM on September 16, 2013 [6 favorites]


I feel like the exclusion of this edifying article on goat anatomy is a big oversight.
posted by griphus at 12:03 PM on September 16, 2013 [7 favorites]


THIS IS THE FAVOURITE WEEK

OF ME
posted by emmtee at 12:07 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also can someone please explain this from the "raising a goat in the city" artcle:
· no less than and no more than two goats are allowed on the property (in other words, you must have two goats) except that offspring may be kept onsite up to 12 weeks from birth (NB: still scratching my head how often this can even happen with neutered males around);
Is that like a companionship thing wherein the goat has to have another friend/mate of the same species for morale, or am I totally not grasping some sort of basic animal husbandry thing.
posted by griphus at 12:07 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, goats need friends.
posted by librarina at 12:09 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


They're herd animals, so it stands to reason that they do best in a herd.
posted by Cash4Lead at 12:10 PM on September 16, 2013


griphus: "Is that like a companionship thing wherein the goat has to have another friend/mate of the same species for morale, or am I totally not grasping some sort of basic animal husbandry thing."

Goats are herd animals. It's not rocket science.
posted by boo_radley at 12:11 PM on September 16, 2013


We were this close: --> <-- to obtaining goats for the purposes of clearing out a few acres of overgrown brush, in an area too rocky for a bush hog and too thickly overgrown for a weed-eater. Then I started researching the fencing requirements, and opted to leave much of it overgrown, while keeping lanes mown as best I could.

One rule of thumb I ran into several times was for testing a fence for goat-proofedness:

1. Build your fence
2. Fill a 5 gallon bucket of water.
3. Throw the water against the fence. If the water gets through the fence, so will the goats.

On the other hand, it seems like plenty of folks around here keep them in with regular 4" woven wire. All the same, the initial outlay for fencing in the area was going to be pretty high, especially with all the rock in the soil. The goats themselves are the least expensive part of the whole scenario. And for a fraction of the cost, I could pick up a helluva nice chain saw and just do it a piece at a time over several months.
posted by jquinby at 12:11 PM on September 16, 2013 [6 favorites]


Unless you put the goats on a rocket. Then it's probably rocket science.
posted by boo_radley at 12:12 PM on September 16, 2013 [4 favorites]


vaguely related previously which is awesome and i don't care if it's irrelevant so there
posted by elizardbits at 12:14 PM on September 16, 2013


(NB: still scratching my head how often this can even happen with neutered males around)

Did no farmers edit this "goats in the city" article? Artificial insemination is incredibly common even in rural areas, because keeping male critters is often expensive, difficult, and smelly. (Bucks [male goats] in particular smell AWFUL.)

Also common with small mammals like goats and sheep is taking your doe/ewe (lady critter) to another farm that has a buck/ram (guy critter) that you want to breed her with. You can usually tell when your doe/ewe is in heat, especially if she's a milker and you are interacting with her daily, and you just take her over, stand around for a few minutes while the deed is done, and then leave again.
posted by librarina at 12:17 PM on September 16, 2013


Note: Modern Farmer is currently working on virtual petting zoo technology — for a nominal fee, you could pay to make a machine dispense snacks to the GoatCam goats. Probably not going to happen, but do not steal our great idea.

Result: fattest little goaties in the history of ruminant domestication
posted by elizardbits at 12:23 PM on September 16, 2013 [7 favorites]


Did you guys hear the news?
posted by Taft at 12:23 PM on September 16, 2013


Cash4Lead: "rules for raising a goat in the city"
Before you get all doe eyed about the goats you want
[Mugging for the camera intensifies]

Actually, this pun is big enough that I'd probably write this kind of article just to slip it in.
posted by boo_radley at 12:25 PM on September 16, 2013


By the way, you can rent goats but apparently it's for eco-friendly lawnmowing purposes. You can't just give them hugs and go to the movies or something.
posted by griphus at 12:27 PM on September 16, 2013 [5 favorites]


no less than and no more than two goats are allowed on the property

I wish I were a judge in San Diego, and the relevant case brought before me, so that I could interpret this to require everyone in San Diego to have two goats whether they want 'em or not. Sorry, you have zero goats which is less than two, so you get fined $lots.

except that offspring may be kept onsite up to 12 weeks from birth (NB: still scratching my head how often this can even happen with neutered males around

Sentence fun to take out of context: You might buy a pregnant nanny, or you might have your nanny bred where intact billies are legal, or you might artificially inseminate your nanny.

Animal breeding conversations can be generally amusing/horrifying to take out of context. Like the time biscotti went to lunch/dinner at a dog show and someone indicted that they "really liked the rear on that black bitch."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:27 PM on September 16, 2013 [3 favorites]


A chicken in every pot and two goats in every studio apartment.
posted by griphus at 12:28 PM on September 16, 2013 [5 favorites]


Spider-goat, spider-goat
Kinda creepy like Frankenstoat
Can she spin
A spider web?
Check her milk,
Cuz she's vat-bred

Look out!

Here comes a spider-goat
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:42 PM on September 16, 2013 [6 favorites]


"One of our auxiliary divers went with us on the last go-round and wanted to be the first in the goat cage ... we lowered him right onto the field. He ... he never came back up."
posted by user92371 at 12:44 PM on September 16, 2013


As part of Goat Week, they've brought Dan (@MayorEmanuel) Sinker in to run their twitter account for the week.

For instance:
THROW YA GOATS IN THE AIR, IF YOU'S A TRUE PLAYA

oh wait, no no no.

bad idea. -ds— Modern Farmer (@ModFarm) September 16, 2013
posted by e1presidente at 12:44 PM on September 16, 2013 [3 favorites]


I will stay for the live GoatCam.
posted by Going To Maine at 1:18 PM on September 16, 2013


This has me feeling very Goaty.

Oh, two goats required? Goatsy.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:56 PM on September 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


Goats are curiously quantum animals. If you have less than two goats, they collapse into no goats. If you have more than two goats, they expand into all goats. Only two goats are safe.

Also, do not launch goats into space. The rules change, and My God, It's full of goats!
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:57 PM on September 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THIS IS BETTER THAN MY BIRTHDAY

lookit their little eyes lookit their little legs lookit the goats
posted by WidgetAlley at 2:12 PM on September 16, 2013 [3 favorites]




LIVE GOAT CAM! GOAT! GOAT!
LIVE GOAT CAM! GOAT! GOAT!

LIVE GOAT CAM! LIVE GOAT CAM!
GOAT GOAT!

AWWWWWWWWWW YEAH!

(TEAM TAKES THE FIELD TO ROARING CROWD)
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 3:39 PM on September 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh hey say hi to my goats! Dorothy, Ernestine, and Alice. They are awesome. All they want are snacks and petting. Maybe a plush bed.
posted by Lou Stuells at 5:15 PM on September 16, 2013 [6 favorites]


Lou Stuells those are some sleek-lookin' happy goats with excellent facial expressions. If you ever need an appreciative audience to ooh and aah over your goat pictures, well, you know where I'll be.
posted by WidgetAlley at 5:21 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


More from Goat Week:

Meet the Goat Who Got Demoted

Make Your Own Goat Video
posted by Cash4Lead at 5:35 PM on September 16, 2013


Mandatory: My Baby Goat

Just remember - whether wild or tame, city or country, they don't like being left out in storms.
posted by madamjujujive at 5:41 PM on September 16, 2013


Don't they shut the lights off so those little goats can have some proper snooze time?

Oh, and one more thing, MeFites. Here we are again. TALKING ABOUT GOATS! I keep trying to get the MeFi farm idea rolling, and I'm always met with a wall of silence and apathy.

How many times do I have to say that I'll even volunteer to take on the role of "Groundskeeper Willy." I swear, if I hit the lottery (which I won't), I'll even pay for the damn place. Organic produce, goats, sheep, etc. etc. Hell, the youtube video hits from the antics we could capture on camera would probably put a huge dent in operating costs.

OK, enough for my fantasy land. I guess I'll go watch the goat cam some more.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 7:01 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


My sister is great at growing plants but her animals do not do well, mostly because she never does her research* and has more money than sense and it bugs the shit out of me but anyway.

Her one goat-related experiment involved trying to keep a single billy on a chain in the front yard, and that worked for a few weeks, except that he was a mean fucker and the chain was long enough that he chased her kids right into the school bus, traumatizing a whole bus full of shrieking children and I'm sure the bus driver didn't enjoy it either.

Billy was sold the next week, and I hope he wound up somewhere that he liked better, though I fear he may have just been turned into cabrito sausage.

*She got tired of her emus and just released them into the rural Texas countryside, where they were either shot or possibly starved or froze. She bought her daughter a beautiful yearling Arabian colt but just let it run around a field for a year without any kind of training and then sold it because it was "too wild." She kept ducks very incompetently and they all got eaten by coyotes. Etc. Thankfully she only has some very spoiled dogs now.
posted by emjaybee at 8:27 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


EEEEEE! The pregnant goat just gave birth. BABBY GOATS!
posted by grapesaresour at 2:22 PM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


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