Yes, we can see the garden now. Looks great.
September 19, 2013 9:49 AM   Subscribe

 
Considering I'm putting my house on the market on 1 October, this is wonderfully timely. I may send it to the agent.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 9:55 AM on September 19, 2013


Man, those are some bad real estate photos.
posted by goatdog at 10:00 AM on September 19, 2013


I've been giggling at these instead of grading quizzes. This one brings back memories: first, a house in the Rochester area where the main bath and the bedroom were in the same room, presumably to maximize the amount of mold and mildew that could accumulate on your bedding (but it was trendy! with glass block dividers!); second, a house behind my parents' where the family, without pulling permits, had knocked down the wall between the master bedroom and the master bath, for reasons unclear to the bank which wound up foreclosing on the property.
posted by thomas j wise at 10:05 AM on September 19, 2013


Favorite so far.
I like to think that they superimposed the laughing lady stock photo to cover up a massive rat's nest—tumescent, black, and palpitating—in the lower left hand corner of the room.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:12 AM on September 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Not going to complain about this TOO much. I got my current apartment for a steal because the photos in the Craigslist ad were horrendous, and the ad was basically written to look like a scam.

That being said, if a landlord doesn't have recent photos of an apartment while it's empty, they're left with no choice but to wait until the current tenants leave, or take photos of the place with the tenant's (messy) stuff still in place.
posted by schmod at 10:13 AM on September 19, 2013


Actually that's a good point schmod, I got my apartment for cheaper than I should because it has a great, super clean carpet that doesn't photograph well. But then I also saw one place in the same 'hood that looked like a lonely old woman was in the process of being evicted from it in the photographs, and when the agent made us go look at it there was indeed a lonely old widow packing boxes in the concrete yard. Sometimes a bad picture is actually a really good picture of what's going on is what I'm saying.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:16 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


All hail the Garden Chair of Solitude!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:16 AM on September 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


I am in the middle of my first real estate search with my boyfriend. We've not run across many really terrible photos but some are pretty inexplicable. Like, why does that one listing show three photos (but from different angles!) of the same front door but fail to include any photos or even any mention of the walk-in closet in the second bedroom?! So far nothing has made us not go and see something (partly because there's a very low inventory in the place we're looking to buy). And one listing that was probably not right for us had a photo of an awesome fireplace with a wagon wheel hanging over it which was so compelling we HAD to see the place. What the photos failed to disclose was the MORE AWESOME monkey cage in the backyard! RIP former "Wagon Wheel House", say hello to "Monkey Cage Manor".
posted by marylynn at 10:43 AM on September 19, 2013 [8 favorites]


I have never understood why people put so little effort into their property listings. You're making one of the biggest financial transactions of your life! At least spend an hour taking quality photos and writing a reasonable description! And keep them updated, no one wants to see your house covered in snow when they're shopping in August!
posted by miyabo at 10:50 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]




That killed me. So funny.
posted by arcticwoman at 11:09 AM on September 19, 2013


This is hilarious. I'm surprised that the curator didn't include that act of terrible real estate non-photography (original screenshot) which made its rounds on Twitter in July.
posted by wachhundfisch at 11:21 AM on September 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


I've always figured real estate photos are deliberately realistic so that realtors don't have to waste time with people who are just going to come look and turn away when they see anything bad. Nobody is going to buy a home based just on photos anyways.
posted by Authorized User at 11:28 AM on September 19, 2013


I love this- it's like a real-life version of apartment-hunting in Futurama.


To shreds, you say? tsk tsk tsk... Well, how's his wife holding up...to shreds, you say?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:31 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


This is hilarious. I'm surprised that the curator didn't include that act of terrible real estate non-photography (original screenshot) which made its rounds on Twitter in July.

I don't know what is so wierd about my extensive collection of operational (and operating) x-ray cathode tubes.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:34 AM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've been looking at a lot of real estate photos lately and I've noticed that they all seem include a picture of a toilet, to the point that if there's no picture of a toilet I'll wonder "Does that house even have a toilet?" I think all real estate agents took the same photography class.
posted by Floydd at 11:38 AM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


One of the houses we looked at when we were searching had a toilet just plopped down in the middle of an upstairs bedroom, no other plumbing fixtures next to it at all.

We didn't ask for a second tour.
posted by kmz at 11:40 AM on September 19, 2013


One of the houses we looked at when we were searching had a toilet just plopped down in the middle of an upstairs bedroom, no other plumbing fixtures next to it at all.

Once in college my friends and I took a road trip to New Orleans. In the morning we stopped by a friend's parents' house to freshen-up before driving back. One guy really had to go to the bathroom before we got there and then disappeared for a long while in the house while everyone else in our group cycled through the guest bathroom. After he reappeared we asked, "I thought you had to go?" to which he said he had, no problem. We left and got on the road a ways before the girl whose house we'd stopped at asked, "hey Dave, where'd you go to the bathroom anyway?" He said, "oh, just the bathroom in the downstairs hall."

"Um, Dave, there is no bathroom in the downstairs hall."

"Sure there is, it's also the laundry room."

"Um, Dave, there is no such room. My dad is refurbishing the master bedroom bathroom and set the old toilet in the laundry room before he could take it out for disposal."

"Hmm, that explains why I couldn't get it to flush when I was done. I think you'd better drive a little faster, her dad is a big man."
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:57 AM on September 19, 2013 [15 favorites]


I believe this place is actually designed by James Turrell and is therefore quite a coveted piece of property.
posted by LionIndex at 12:22 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


The title's not as catchy as the now-defunct It's Lovely! I'll Take It!, but still enjoyable.
posted by redsparkler at 12:25 PM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


From wachhundfisch's link: The owner of a house listed on an estate agents’ website without any photos of its inside "due to the owners’ hobby" has said "there’s nothing to see" inside.

Including clothes, maybe? Perhaps his hobby is "sprawling naked on the settee"?
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:03 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I like how the title leaves it open to photographs of real estate by terrible agents, agents' photographs of terrible real estate, and real estate agents' terrible photographs.
posted by naoko at 1:26 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Including clothes, maybe? Perhaps his hobby is "sprawling naked on the settee"?


I'm inclined to think it's something more along the lines of "lepidopterology and dressmaking."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:03 PM on September 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Needs a bowl of fruit. Then it'd sell.
posted by yeti at 2:04 PM on September 19, 2013 [9 favorites]


These captions are pretty good.
posted by orme at 2:27 PM on September 19, 2013


Most of them are more like "Inexplicably honest property photographs."
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:41 PM on September 19, 2013


Wasn't there one that went around a while back that had a few amorous dogs in the background? Never knew if that was a photoshop hoax or not.
posted by pointystick at 2:44 PM on September 19, 2013


Nobody is going to buy a home based just on photos anyways.

I suspect you may never have tried to buy a house in London.
posted by bright cold day at 2:53 PM on September 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


Timely post as I'm suffering through inexplicably bad real estate photos these days. I have no idea why so many agents think I really need to see exactly what the welcome mat looks like. "Honey, have a peek at this one. It's a tad expensive, but the mat has chipmunks!"

One of the strangest though was an entire series of photos taken from waist level. You could just barely see the tops of the counters. To make it even better, the images were all just a little off level. It looked like they were either bad candid photos shot from a pocket or the work of a small child turned loose with a digital camera.
posted by flyingfox at 3:24 PM on September 19, 2013


The best part about the owner's hobby thing is that you don't actually have to start thinking about bizarre hobbies to find it funny. It just works in an abstract way.

The best part about the OP Tumblr is the wonderful British sarcasm below every photo. It's amazing how an entire country can so completely own a form of humour.
posted by wachhundfisch at 3:47 PM on September 19, 2013


I want to take real estate agents and shake them until they agree to take a course in photography or hire an actual photographer. It's one of the most puzzling lapses in the business.
posted by jeather at 4:00 PM on September 19, 2013


When I was house hunting I learned pretty quickly not to judge a house by the photos. It's pretty amazing how a pretty nice place can look so awful in photos and vice versa.
posted by triggerfinger at 5:37 PM on September 19, 2013


Ok, this one is creepy. Photoshop?
posted by Alnedra at 8:21 PM on September 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's through the window. And yeah, creepy!
posted by amanda at 11:26 PM on September 19, 2013


The title's not as catchy as the now-defunct It's Lovely! I'll Take It!, but still enjoyable.

Needs more chairs.
MORE CHAIRS.
posted by Mezentian at 6:17 AM on September 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


The photos of our house in the listings when we bought it would not have been out of place on this site. They were taken on a dark and rainy day, despite the fact that the best feature of the place is the floor to ceiling windows on three sides of the living area and the huge amounts of sun the whole house gets. You have to work hard to FIND a dark and rainy day in Australia, actually.

Then, all the walls in the whole house were painted yellow, including all the kitchen cupboards and just... everything. It wasn't even too bad a yellow, but the photos actually made it look WAY yellower than it was. It was almost like there was a yellow filter on the camera.

The house was empty at the time, but someone must have decided it would photograph better with furniture, so they brought in literally two folding outdoor chairs, a dirty plastic table, and arranged them randomly in the lounge. They put some cushions on the floor in various odd places.

The estate agent must have set off a bug bomb a few days beforehand, and didn't bother to sweep up any of the dead bugs that lay all over the floors. In the bathroom photo, you could barely SEE the floor for dead bugs.

Even though we are intelligent people with critical thinking abilities, we almost couldn't see past these things, and only went to the showing because we had nothing else on that day. In a booming market where most showings had 10-20 people, and most had same-day offers, there was only one other couple at this one. The real estate agent organised a second showing the next weekend, but then didn't even bother to turn up.

It was like the perfect example of how not to sell a house, and we now know which real estate company to avoid at all costs. But we got the place for $40,000 under asking price, in a market where most houses were going for HIGHER than listed. And that $40,000 bought paint to cover up the yellow, a broom to sweep up the dead bugs, and then we had the house of our dreams with a lot of money left over.
posted by lollusc at 6:09 PM on September 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


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