WORST. STATE. EVER.

September 23, 2013 7:28 PM

What is your state worst at?
posted by blue_beetle (86 comments total)

Is it too late to add driving to Minnesota?
posted by triggerfinger at 7:31 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

what does being Worst at "Infertility" mean? Like it has the most infertility or its the worst at being infertile? Either way I'm sorry Vermont. :(
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:33 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Bestiality. Great. Damn that horse guy!
posted by lovecrafty at 7:34 PM on September 23, 2013 [8 favorites]

Well now I wouldn't say we're the worst at obesity. We're pretty damn good at it, what with the hot tamales and fried okra.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:34 PM on September 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

Why does Utah not surprise me?
posted by triggerfinger at 7:34 PM on September 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

"Haha oh man I can't wait to see what they said for South Dako... oh."
posted by jason_steakums at 7:35 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Is it too late to add driving to Minnesota?

Please. Driving to Minnesota was one of the worst experiences of my life.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:36 PM on September 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

Washington DC: Terrible at being a state.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:36 PM on September 23, 2013 [16 favorites]

God I love New York and miss it like crazy. New York always wins.
posted by bleep at 7:37 PM on September 23, 2013

Sweet baby Jesus. Louisiana is so bad at so many things, but to pick gonorrhea? Really?
posted by tafetta, darling! at 7:38 PM on September 23, 2013

What the hell, Nebraska?
posted by rtha at 7:39 PM on September 23, 2013

Since they didn't give one for DC let me just hazard a guess: Income inequality.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:39 PM on September 23, 2013

I'm amused that Utah is "worst" at "porn usage". How are they using it?
posted by Curious Artificer at 7:40 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think they're paying for it, for one thing.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:41 PM on September 23, 2013 [20 favorites]

Poor Vermont.
posted by SkylitDrawl at 7:42 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

35. Ohio: nerdiest state claim based on highest number of library visits per capita (6.9) Source.

Uhh those are all indigent people going to the library because they have heat. Ohio is fucked up.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:42 PM on September 23, 2013 [7 favorites]

Silly Alaskans can't even kill themselves properly.
posted by Renoroc at 7:46 PM on September 23, 2013

New Jersey: highest rate of citizen taxation

I'm... okay with this?
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:49 PM on September 23, 2013 [3 favorites]

Since they didn't give one for DC let me just hazard a guess: Income inequality.

We're actually worse on HIV than Maryland.

New York still leads on income inequality, along with Massachusetts and a few other states, but at the rate we're going . . .
posted by ryanshepard at 7:53 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

How is Jersey not #1 for arson? Are all the usual suspects already in Rahway?
posted by elizardbits at 7:56 PM on September 23, 2013

Uhh those are all indigent people going to the library because they have heat. Ohio is fucked up.

QFT. I grew up in D.C. in the 80s / 90s - even after that, I found the poverty in Lorain County shocking when I first saw it ca. 1991.
posted by ryanshepard at 7:59 PM on September 23, 2013

Mississippi should most likely just be taken over and administered by either the UN or a different State.
posted by edgeways at 8:02 PM on September 23, 2013 [5 favorites]

Mississippi for the win! (er, well, sort of)

Mississippi: highest rate of obesity (35.3% of total population)

BONUS facts: Mississippi ranks last in the most number of categories. These include highest rate of child poverty (31.9%), highest rate of infant mortality (10.3%) lowest median household income ($35,078), highest teen birth rate (71.9 per 1,000 women aged 15 to 19) and highest overall rate of STDs.
posted by el io at 8:03 PM on September 23, 2013 [3 favorites]

I always knew that Maine had a rocky shoreline, but who knew they were dumb as rocks too?!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:04 PM on September 23, 2013

Mississippi should not even be on the list. They are a category all their own.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:04 PM on September 23, 2013

Is it too late to add driving to Minnesota?

MN drivers are not terrible. They aren't even bad.

You know what you get if you fail the MN driver's test 5 times ? Wisconsin plates.

You know what you get if you fail it 10 times ? Iowa plates
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:05 PM on September 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME MISSISSIPPI THE INFANT MORTALITY RATE IS OVER 10 FUCKING PERCENT? YOU ACTUALLY SUCK SO BAD THAT YOU LET ONE IN TEN OF YOUR BABIES DIE?

If anyone needs me I'll be over here crying for the dead babies.
posted by medusa at 8:11 PM on September 23, 2013 [5 favorites]

No, I think it's just a box they check, "has opposable thumbs".
posted by Brocktoon at 8:13 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Nebraska, it's like that quiet, keep-to-yerself neighbor who seemed friendly enough in passing but is actually murdering women. What's up, Nebraska?

27. Nebraska: highest rate of women murdered annually
posted by amanda at 8:14 PM on September 23, 2013

Also I heard on the radio today that Colorado has the highest gap in the nation in college education rates between white and Hispanics - over 30 percentage points. Go us! We win at racism!
posted by medusa at 8:14 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

One of those rare times when it's not so bad to live in Florida.
posted by oddman at 8:15 PM on September 23, 2013

medusa, I think that's a miscalculation. 10.3 deaths per 1000 (pdf at link), so 1.3 percent (which is still pretty bad.)
posted by tavella at 8:15 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

You know, it says Oregon has the "highest rate of long-term homeless people," but, I mean, at least we're keeping them alive.
posted by redsparkler at 8:15 PM on September 23, 2013 [4 favorites]

Delaware: Highest rate of abortion? I guess I have a different definition of "worst"...
posted by Ron Thanagar at 8:17 PM on September 23, 2013

Tavella, thanks for the clarification/correction. I had the same response when I read that.
posted by TwoWordReview at 8:18 PM on September 23, 2013

Tavella, thanks. That is still pretty bad but maybe I can stop the all-caps freak out.
posted by medusa at 8:19 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Idaho has the lowest level of congressional clout? I'm not sure Inhofe got that memo. Or maybe he's just extra loud and obnoxious to compensate. I guess they're essentially the same thing on the hill nowadays.
posted by C'est la D.C. at 8:20 PM on September 23, 2013

See, for Maryland, I would have said "pizza," but I guess it's AIDS.

Our pizza really does suck, though.
posted by sonascope at 8:21 PM on September 23, 2013 [11 favorites]

Awww, growing up I always thought all the old people were part of what gave Iowa its charm.
posted by Lutoslawski at 8:27 PM on September 23, 2013

Inhofe is from Oklahoma (sad for me to say.)
posted by Navelgazer at 8:31 PM on September 23, 2013 [4 favorites]

How can we blame a state for having the most tornadoes? Is there a way a state can prevent tornadoes? (Implying MA occasionally doesn't apply this prevention properly)

Edit: typos
posted by Tandem Affinity at 8:33 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Ack, thanks Nagelgazer. I'm not sure how I mixed that up in my head.
posted by C'est la D.C. at 8:36 PM on September 23, 2013

That air pollution and California thing? That's Southern California. Here in the north we're pretty much perfect.
posted by cccorlew at 8:37 PM on September 23, 2013 [3 favorites]

Northern California: less smog, more smug.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:40 PM on September 23, 2013 [27 favorites]

North Dakota: ranked last in ugliest residents report as chosen by The Daily Beast

Seriously? C'mon, I've heard Montanans tell better jokes about my home state. Citing the Daily Beast is only slightly better than not knowing the Onion does satire.
posted by Ber at 8:42 PM on September 23, 2013

Hawaii: Cost of Living (tied with California)

On the plus side, we live in fucking paradise and don't have Orange County.
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:50 PM on September 23, 2013 [7 favorites]

Also, that is the most convoluted way to say "least attractive" that I have ever seen. When I first read it I was like- wow, North Dakota won for most attractive state?
posted by triggerfinger at 8:51 PM on September 23, 2013

This list is lame. No context, and cherrypicked. Don't call Maine the "dumbest" state based on low SAT scores. Test scores don't reflect intelligence, and I'd expect a state with a really challenged student population that still can't get decent internet to have some educational deficits. I, too, am happy with NJ's high taxation rate (it's also the wealthiest state in the country at least some of the time). As for NH, the corporate taxes are high because there is no income tax. Somebody's got to pick up the slack, and it's hard to cut corners any more in a state that thinks kindergarten is a luxury. Also, that doesn't stop the hordes of "tax refugees" from Massachusetts who maintain a residence just over the border so they can benefit from the conditions in one state and not have to contribute to another.

And some of their sources are a joke. Like this. Or this: Credit Karma, basically. Other "sources" are links to articles which actually cite another original source - like NewWest for Wyoming, which is citing the Congressional paper Roll Call.

Sure, it's a silly blog trying to be cute. I'm just frustrated because this could have been done more interestingly and more in depth, with some consideration for context, rather than just a Google of "highest rate of" + "[STATE NAME]" which seems like it was the research methodology.
posted by Miko at 8:57 PM on September 23, 2013

Illinois is actually very good at robbery. Also at getting away with murder. I'd say my current state probably sucks at policing.
posted by srboisvert at 9:03 PM on September 23, 2013

I would just like to report that Ohio has been the Worst State Ever since 1870.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:07 PM on September 23, 2013

Screwed Up != Worst At...

Binge Drinking might be screwed up, but we are definitely not the worst at it!
posted by symbioid at 9:07 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

I don't believe for a minute that Washington's only had four cases of bestiality since 2010.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:08 PM on September 23, 2013

Maine generally (at least when I lived there) ranks #1 in the number of people who still smoke. That would have been the more obvious pick.

Also I feel like there has to be something worse going on here in Virginia besides drunken-motorcycling fatalities.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:10 PM on September 23, 2013

Heh. As a Northern Californian, I was amused to go to Hawaii and meet ex-NorCal residents who were clearly unfazed by the "affordability." Hell of a thing to go into a random restaurant and get greeted by someone who knows your high school, for that matter.

I cannot say I am surprised at: Alaska (dark, isolated, weather, Palins), Massachusetts (call 'em "Massholes" for a reason), Montana (nothing much to do there, honestly, and I bet they feel like it's safe to drive when nobody is ever around on the road).

Dear god: Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, Washington?! Though if the "worst" is 4, that's...I guess stretching it for a worst there.

Does Mississippi win for Worst State Whatsoever?
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:33 PM on September 23, 2013

Mississippi's infant mortality appears to be 10.3 per thousand live births not 10.3 percent. Infant mortality in the U.S. as whole is around 6.8 per thousand.
posted by rube goldberg at 9:35 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Ohio: Nerdiest State

Wha-? My in-laws are in Ohio and this doesn't make much--Oh that's right. Devo.
posted by hydrophonic at 9:48 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

I don't think I want to live in a country where trips to the library are considered as "screwed up" as suicide and rape.
posted by Spatch at 10:08 PM on September 23, 2013 [4 favorites]

Iowa has the highest percentage of people 85 years old and above. Why is that a bad thing?
posted by maggieb at 10:17 PM on September 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Really, California should be the weird embrace of unintended consequences, over and over.
posted by rr at 10:19 PM on September 23, 2013

If Washington's distinguishing feature is a statistically insignificant amount of bestiality then the rest do you are doing something wrong.
posted by wotsac at 10:22 PM on September 23, 2013

I'm in the "Nerdiest State?" I got off scot free compared to the other ones.
posted by Autumn at 10:27 PM on September 23, 2013

No, if Oregon has the Highest Rate of Homeless Population, then we are BEST at homeless population.
posted by asfuller at 10:44 PM on September 23, 2013

wotsac: You're confused. It's a statistic about cases. Meaning the police became involved. Bestiality is what it is, but the police getting involved is indicative of something more than just bestiality.
posted by Goofyy at 11:31 PM on September 23, 2013

New York still leads on income inequality, along with Massachusetts and a few other states, but at the rate we're going . . .

Actually, it turns out I was right. DC has the worst Gini coefficient, surpassing New York (by a shamefully large margin, in fact.)
posted by Navelgazer at 11:32 PM on September 23, 2013 [3 favorites]

Also, and this is a depressing shot-in-the-dark, but I'm guessing that Connecticut has the "highest" rate of breast cancer because the population is wealthy enough to be screened for it better than the rest of the country at large.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:48 PM on September 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

The statistic about North Carolina having the worst pay for teachers is wrong; the dead source link points to an article from 2008. The latest available data, from the U.S. Census Bureau for 2011 [PDF] shows that Utah has the worst salaries for teachers at $3,956 per pupil (vs. a U.S. median of ~ $6,500).

Even if you normalize salaries by the average state wage, Utah is far behind. Mississippi is right in the middle, for crying out loud.
posted by Hello Dad, I'm in Jail at 12:14 AM on September 24, 2013

Also, that doesn't stop the hordes of "tax refugees" from Massachusetts who maintain a residence just over the border so they can benefit from the conditions in one state and not have to contribute to another.

It also doesn't stop the hordes of people who do live in NH and commute to jobs in MA, thus qualifying themselves to pay both MA income tax and NH's high real-estate taxes. Nor does it stop anti-tax crusaders who invariably claim that MA has an unfriendly business climate, based on some nonsense study in a financial magazine.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:35 AM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

I would also like to point out the recent Gerson Institute study, which shows that much of the traffic-accident rate in MA is due to those hordes of commuters from NH, who haven't yet learned to use a turn signal or keep to the right when they aren't passing.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:40 AM on September 24, 2013

You take that back, sonascope! I am sure you've had yourself some Ledos.

And Massachusetts is the only other state on the east coast with MD where folks drive decently. We are some aggressive mofos behind the wheel.
posted by frecklefaerie at 4:57 AM on September 24, 2013

I'm amazed they could limit themselves to pick just one thing for Indiana.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:27 AM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

You know, it says Oregon has the "highest rate of long-term homeless people," but, I mean, at least we're keeping them alive.

I know in Canada, the various vaguely-western cities (aka anywhere in Manitoba or westwards) had an unofficial program of buying the permanently homeless bus tickets further west, towards Vancouver/Victoria, where a) there are sometimes social programs to help them; b) it might be warm enough that they would not literally freeze to death. It comes, gets found out, shut down due to outrage, lies low, and comes back.

$5 something like that happens to pull people to Oregon, as well.
posted by Lemurrhea at 6:20 AM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

I notice very few, if any, are complaining about the unfairness/arbitrariness of the designations for the Gulf States. Which for some perverse reason pleases me. I have increasingly developed a distinctive distaste for listening to politician from the Southeast/Gulf lecture the rest of the country on how we should live and believe.
posted by rmhsinc at 6:20 AM on September 24, 2013

It also doesn't stop the hordes of people who do live in NH and commute to jobs in MA, thus qualifying themselves to pay both MA income tax and NH's high real-estate taxes

I'm not sure if you've ever been in this situation, but you come out ahead. Especially if you're a renter, of course. NH's property taxes look relatively high, but in the context of total tax burden, you end up paying less than you would if you also had an income tax. Greater Boston area property taxes are also not low, so the difference is marginal. There are a lot of variables in NH due to size/type of property, the town you're located in (because town property values/levies vary drastically), etc., but there are reasons people commute from NH, and it's not limited to the scenery.

But yeah, the idea that MA is a bad place to do business is a joke.
posted by Miko at 6:21 AM on September 24, 2013

Rhode Island: highest rate of illicit drug use (12.5% of population)

#rhodeislandproud
posted by likeatoaster at 7:11 AM on September 24, 2013

I really and truly wish that Ohio was the nerdiest state. I'd be some sort of duke or count or something.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:33 AM on September 24, 2013

I would have commented earlier but I was too busy slamming back six-packs.
posted by desjardins at 8:32 AM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

a statistically insignificant amount of bestiality

"But you fuck one goat..."
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:01 AM on September 24, 2013

In VT it is infertility, but if you look at the data it is because there is a low birth rate.

Low birth rate != infertility it is probably more a result of easy access to medical care (Dr Dinosaur) and teaching science based sex ed instead of abstinence only sex ed. I bet that VT has the lowest teen pregnancy rate also. They should have put categorised Vermont as the dirtiest hippies or something else like that.
posted by koolkat at 9:02 AM on September 24, 2013

Actually, avoiding hyperbole, I'd like to see something like this only what states are 'best at'.

MN can't have the worst drivers... The city of Atlanta should drag down the rest of GA to claim that prize.... Atlanta, the only city I've driven in where people speed up when it snows.
posted by edgeways at 9:18 AM on September 24, 2013

So basically this is just a reprint (without attribution, other than on the image)of this site from two years ago: The United States of Shame.

I would really like the source for the California statistic- I can find information that has both higher and lower numbers, but no state rankings of pollution.
posted by oneirodynia at 9:48 AM on September 24, 2013

When I lived in South Carolina, a common phrase
there was "Thank God for Mississippi."....
posted by eggtooth at 9:59 AM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

I live on the GA/SC border and I can assure you that mobile homes and the flu are not the worst thing about either of those states.
posted by TedW at 11:38 AM on September 24, 2013 [2 favorites]

Of all things to complain about in Ohio, I'm not sure that "unusually high library usage" would be on most people's lists...

"Worst at being interesting during extremely long road trips" would be my vote.
posted by schmod at 9:00 PM on September 24, 2013 [1 favorite]

You take that back, sonascope! I am sure you've had yourself some Ledos.

I enjoy my Ledo pizza, which I used to get straight from the source when I lived in College Park, but like Laurel's dearly departed Pal Jack's and Delaney's Irish Pizza Pub pizza, it's best understood as being a food on the pizza spectrum with its own appeal, but which is itself not quite pizza. This is also true of Joe Squared pizza, which is very good in its own way, too.

That said, for pizza as most urban Americans understand it, we're not the state to visit.
posted by sonascope at 10:56 AM on September 25, 2013

Pizza is like 'Mexican' food. To argue authenticity about either is a profound waste of time. It all comes down to, "do you like it", everything else is pointless to extreme.
posted by edgeways at 12:43 PM on September 25, 2013 [1 favorite]

It's possible to like different schools of pizza even if you consider one the purest form.
posted by Miko at 8:55 PM on September 25, 2013