Tough enough to be a Sissy in Wyoming
October 3, 2013 3:57 PM   Subscribe

'Longtime cross-dresser Sissy Goodwin of Douglas, Wyo., has been anything but weak as he stands up to bigotry in the Cowboy State.' 'A stranger once drove up to his house and kicked out his front teeth. People called him a queer and a pervert. He's also been booted from countless stores, hotels and restaurants, all because of the way he dresses.' 'While Wyoming is the self-proclaimed Equality State, Goodwin has another name for the place: the Mississippi of the West, where equality comes only to the majority. He says his greatest insults have come not from any homophobic cowboys, but from people he'd known since childhood who snubbed him in public. He was once asked to avoid a local Democratic Party peace rally because organizers were embarrassed by his cross-dressing.'[LAT link, use privacy settings in browser, if needed].

'He remained defiant. On business in Salt Lake City in 2004, he was beaten outside a pizza shop by a gang of men. He refused to call police, figuring they would arrest him instead of the attackers who had bloodied his face.'

'Goodwin still fights for the right to be himself. At the state fair this year, he was kicked in the butt and turned to face five men in cowboy hats. He eyed his attacker and pointed at his blouse: "See that buddy? Don't let it fool you and don't let it happen again."

A neighbor recently mocked his feminine dress. Goodwin faced him, asking if he was a coward as well as a bigot. "I baited him — I admit it," Goodwin said. "He punched me. I might have done the same thing."'

'Bubbas in pickups still stare, but Goodwin sees progress. A stranger once saluted him in public for "having the guts not to be a cookie-cutter cowboy." Another apologized for driving by his home years ago and shouting a slur.

The comments have helped Goodwin both to accept and celebrate himself as he tries to come to terms with his guilt over the suffering his family has endured.'
posted by VikingSword (66 comments total) 38 users marked this as a favorite
 
"The physical wounds from a beating eventually heal," he says. "But the pain of being shunned by people you know lasts a lifetime. It's worse than getting kicked in the kidney."

Crap. People say this sort of thing all the time, but this guy actually has the experience to make the comparison....
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:04 PM on October 3, 2013 [10 favorites]


I have nothing but contempt for people who direct harassment or, FSM forbid, violence against someone simply because that person chooses to cover their body with a type of fabric that deviates from cultural prescriptions. Seriously; fuck those people sideways with a snow shovel. And then poop down their tracheas and into their lungs.

Cross-dressing (among folks who don't identify as trans, and aren't doing drag) isn't something I know much about. I wonder why it's so important to this guy to wear these clothes, considering the backlash he gets for it. Obviously, he has every right to do so, and there's no excuse for anyone to be uncivil to him because of it. It just seems like it has to be more than just aesthetic preference or comfort. Can anyone point me to "Crossdressing 101" links or somesuch? I would like to be enlightened.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 4:28 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


I wonder why it's so important to this guy to wear these clothes

My reaction was to wonder why it's so important for him to keep hanging out in Wyoming and Utah.
posted by aubilenon at 4:31 PM on October 3, 2013 [9 favorites]


Can anyone point me to "Crossdressing 101" links or somesuch? I would like to be enlightened.

I don't know how you identify, but think of how you'd feel if someone forced you to dress in the opposite sex's clothes to that which you identify - if you were a heterosexual man, say, and enjoy wearing jeans and a polo shirt, and the citizens of your state mocked you daily and every so often kicked your teeth in unless you were wearing a cocktail dress and high heels in public?

Wouldn't that bother you somewhat? Wouldn't you want to wear jeans and a polo shirt and not have your teeth kicked in?
posted by jimmythefish at 4:32 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


think of how you'd feel if someone forced you to dress in the opposite sex's clothes to that which you identify

Does this guy (or the typical crossdresser [of course, every individual is different]) identify as female, though? He's married to a woman and, aside from his clothes, seems to have traditionally "masculine" tastes and interests. I gathered from the article that he identifies as a heterosexual male, who just happens to prefer traditionally feminine clothing.

I could be mistaken, of course. That's why I'm asking—to learn.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 4:37 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


My reaction was to wonder why it's so important for him to keep hanging out in Wyoming and Utah.

Is there any place in the US which treats masculine-looking dudes who like to wear feminine clothing as something normal and unremarkable? I've never been somewhere where a manly dude in a dress wasn't treated as an oddity.
posted by muddgirl at 4:40 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is there any place in the US which treats masculine-looking dudes who like to wear feminine clothing as something normal and unremarkable?

Probably not, but there are certainly places where it's harder (and more dangerous) to be one of those guys.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 4:44 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


muddgirl: There's a lot of room between being treated as an oddity, and being repeatedly physically assaulted.
posted by aubilenon at 4:46 PM on October 3, 2013 [7 favorites]


Does this guy (or the typical crossdresser [of course, every individual is different]) identify as female, though?

From a previous interview:

I wasn't sure what to call myself. I liked to dress in women’s clothing, but I hadn't heard the word transvestite, and it’s acquired such negative connotations. Transgender didn’t exist yet. So I called myself a GEM a “Gender Enhanced Male.” I still use that.

People crossdress for a wide variety of reasons. Some people as a kink, some for comfort or fashion, some to express femininity or masculinity, some to signal a willingness to transgress social boundaries. I don't know if you can give it a more general explanation.
posted by Drinky Die at 4:47 PM on October 3, 2013 [9 favorites]


escape from the potato planet - see here, the line you want is "Juliet Banana's useful Trans 101 links: 1 2 "
posted by marienbad at 4:48 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Clearly Wyoming is his home. Clearly he is an adult human being who decided that the pains of living where he lives are outweighed by the pleasures. It seems disrespectful to question his decision, rather than celebrate the fact that he's working to make his corner of the world a better place for the next out crossdresser who comes along.
posted by muddgirl at 4:52 PM on October 3, 2013 [36 favorites]


Is there any place in the US which treats masculine-looking dudes who like to wear feminine clothing as something normal and unremarkable? I've never been somewhere where a manly dude in a dress wasn't treated as an oddity.

Well, FWIW, there are a few guys like that here in West Hollywood, out and about. Most days you can see one guy - somewhat older (late 50's early 60's) bike around in a super tight g-string (weather permitting - which is most of the year) ; sometimes he wears a tutu. Nobody pays him any attention that I've seen. Adjacent to WeHo, further East, there are a ton of transgendered guys, many very 'manly', though obviously that's not the same thing. There are a few I can be fairly sure are strictly cross-dressing, because they always wear women's clothing, but don't seem to identify as women at all, don't wear makeup etc., but you have to be careful as it's easy to mistake someone who is transgendered or in drag - so it's best not to make too many assumptions - I guess it's hard to tell off-hand. I haven't personally witnessed any harassment of these folks, but obviously I can't speak for them, maybe they do experience a lot of it. Of course this is a very particular area, so that may be more of an exceptional situation compared to elsewhere in the country.
posted by VikingSword at 5:03 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Isn't this what the "stand your ground" law is for?
posted by five fresh fish at 5:03 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Transvestitism and transgenderism aren't the same thing. I'm having trouble finding decent links, but Hello! My name is Sara Lund ... at least sometimes! seems like a decent start.

In general, from my understanding, someone who identifies as "transgender" does not feel that the sex assigned to them at birth is appropriate. Someone who identifies as a "transvestite" is fine with their current biological sex but just likes to wear clothes generally worn by the other gender.
posted by jaguar at 5:03 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'd bet money that if he moved somewhere friendlier someone would get all judgey on him for that, too. And gay-bashings and, what, "wrong" gender bashings happen in San Francisco too.

Still, I think it's brave of him to stay, and to continue to live the way he wants.
posted by rtha at 5:06 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


I just wanted to note that this is not an either or between transvestite and transgender. I know a trans guy who sometimes cross dresses in "women's" clothing.
posted by gryftir at 5:13 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Go Sissy!

It annoys me to no end that it is that pretty much just fine for girls to be cross-dressers but not at all ok for guys. I have loads of girl friends who hate skirts and reject anything overly feminine. It's even cool for chicks to hate on pink, glitter, and lace. I went to a wedding where the bride wore a simple white pant suit. Sure, there were a few comments but nothing like there'd be if the groom was wearing a dress (kilt? no problem... that's a manly skirt!). And the comments that were made were not about the girl's feminity as much as they were just general awkwardness over expecting to see a dress and seeing pants ("Can I tell her I love her pants? Is it ok to point them out?")

What is so wrong with guys liking frilly girly stuff? Makes em no less of a man. Heck, admitting it, shows they've actually got some balls.
posted by imbri at 5:14 PM on October 3, 2013 [10 favorites]


Minor quibble with the story Salt Lake City is in Utah.
posted by humanfont at 5:14 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


And you thought "you brought it on yourself because of the way you dressed" was just for women...
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:24 PM on October 3, 2013 [11 favorites]


Gender's a more complicated thing than just what you want your body to be and what clothes you want to wear, and since we've all been raised in a culture which enforces a binary of having to be one or the other with little flexibility in between the two, trans* folk don't always have the language to adequately describe or explain themselves to others.

It's hard to explain, but I would guess that from his perspective he's not a red blooded heterosexual male with some ladies clothes on top. Rather, the ladies clothes are a significant part of that identity, or at the very least, of his identity. Taking them away or hiding them obscures something important, or leaves something within him unreconciled.

Also he clearly doesn't move house because he's a badass cowboy. If I was a badass cowboy I wouldn't let anyone push me out of town either.

(Fortunately I am a whiny hipster so I am constantly being bullied into gay friendly environments and almost never getting beaten up.)

posted by emperor.seamus at 5:27 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


I was called a fag and beaten in high school in Wyoming for being a boy with long hair who supported Dukakis. I can't imagine how hard it is for Sissy, but good for him in standing up.
posted by humanfont at 5:33 PM on October 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


Also imbri I completely get what you're saying, but I solemnly promise to you that I have gotten fucking tons of shit and the odd act of violence in my time for dressing as a dude. I think it's much harder for men dressing feminiely, but once people suss you as gay/trans* rather than just making a certain fashion decision, you'll get it no matter which way you're going.
posted by emperor.seamus at 5:36 PM on October 3, 2013 [8 favorites]


Go, Sissy! I wish I understood why the difference in the way scraps of fabric are sewn together can cause such a ruckus among people, but I have nothing but respect for people who walk their own walk, even if if means facing nearly insurmountable obstacles.
posted by xingcat at 5:36 PM on October 3, 2013


That tiny little hair bow is adorable.
posted by en forme de poire at 5:44 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


"Sissies rule!"

-sticker and handwritten tag seen all over Seattle and Capitol Hill.
posted by loquacious at 5:47 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


This dude just seriously upped the bar on being an "Action Transvestite."


Respect.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:57 PM on October 3, 2013 [10 favorites]


Might be the toughest person in Wyoming, currently.
posted by nevercalm at 5:57 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


First, Wyoming is fucking beautiful and mostly awesome. I totally understand why he doesn't want to leave. And why should he, just because some assholes want him to be afraid?

I spent some years in Montana, which isn't too different, culturally speaking. I went to school in a town of 30,000 and knew LGBT kids from much smaller towns. Man, it was no picnic for them, but many of them ended up going back, because that's their home.

About crossdressing: most of the ones I've known do it for kinky reasons, and the article initially made me a little uncomfortable because you shouldn't make unwitting strangers a part of your sex life. It seems like his motivations are different, so while I can't pretend to understand them, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
posted by desjardins at 5:58 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


My first reaction to the article was, "I wonder why they felt the need to point out he's not gay, but he was abused." Would his dresses be somehow less explicable if not informed by trauma? Would people be like, "Oh, well, of course," if the story had been about a gay guy wearing women's clothing and getting the crap kicked out of him?

But I guess I can't be offended about everything, and it is nice to see an article about a guy who can survive torture and still keep up the battle to mess with gender expectations.

Although I've decided I can be offended that his family lets him leave the house with color choices like pumpkin-orange and lemon yellow together...what are they thinking?
posted by mittens at 6:00 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


How insecure in your own "masculinity" would you have to be to assault someone because they're different than "normal"?

made me a little uncomfortable because you shouldn't make unwitting strangers a part of your sex life

By that definition, I'm doing that right now by wearing clothes, eh?
posted by maxwelton at 6:02 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Does the act of wearing the clothes in public sexually excite you? Are you sexually excited because others might be either repulsed or titillated by your clothes? That's what I'm referring to. Like I said, this does not appear to be Sissy's motivation.
posted by desjardins at 6:08 PM on October 3, 2013


How insecure in your own "masculinity" would you have to be to assault someone because they're different than "normal"?

Probably not very insecure. One of the problems with masculinity is that it comes with a get-out-of-jail-free card for stuff like this. I mean, think about it, the whole continuum between raised eyebrow and kick in the kidneys: Does any of it ever bespeak actual fear or insecurity? If anything, it seems like a little too much security, too much certainty that you're on the right side of the line. Maybe I'm wrong about that; I've never been on the giving end of that kind of abuse. But it sure doesn't look like insecurity when it's happening.
posted by mittens at 6:09 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


I have nothing but contempt

This response is understandable but unproductive. Contempt is what got us here, and when it becomes mutual, dialog becomes impossible. 'Being the bigger person' isn't just moral, it is also eminently practical: doing so creates an atmosphere where edifying strategies can change opinions and thus behaviors. A willingness towards patient—dare I say loving—discourse may well yield better results than utter spite.
posted by troll at 6:12 PM on October 3, 2013


Okay. So. In some kinds of morris dancing, one of the traditional roles is the Molly, which I guess falls somewhere between "pantomime dame," "Shakespeare comedy protagonist" and "female Monty Python character" on the theatrical gender spectrum. Big burly bearded dude in a ridiculous dress.

All of the Mollies I know are straight cis guys. (And actually there are a lot of openly gay and/or trans morris dancers these days. But still, I don't know any who are Mollies, though there must be some somewhere.) Not every morris side has a Molly, in large part because not every side has a guy who's willing to dance the part.

But for the guys that do dance that part it can be sort of a calling. I know dudes who have been playing the Molly for thirty or forty years now — and for whom it's a pretty seriously important part of their identity and social role and so on. You become known in a particular community as That Guy Who Wears The Dress, and you don't do it unless you're going to embrace that and relish it. I guess it's a bit like being That One Crazy Fan who wears That One Crazy Costume at every single football game, only with less facepaint and yelling.

The one I'm closest to, and who I've talked to the most about this stuff, says he does it not as an expression of female or genderqueer identity, but as a protest against the specific way that masculinity is constructed in our culture. He's 100% male. He's just really sad about the ways he was taught that men should act — and especially about the association of masculinity with violence, emotional repression and sexual aggression. So he expresses that in lots of different ways: he's a pacifist; he's a big proponent of better sex ed; he's the only person I've ever heard sing anything from Free To Be You And Me without a hint of irony. But one of the ways he expresses it is by dressing up in a big frilly pink dress to go out dancing with the rest of his morris side, and then to the pub afterwards, and doing the whole thing with such utter deadpan calm that you end up feeling like "Yeah, actually, this is the most normal thing in the world for this guy to be doing on a Saturday afternoon in springtime."

So that's just one anecdote about one guy. But I think it's a good example of the complicated relationship between crossdressing and gender. It would be a mistake to call this guy trans. It would definitely be a mistake to call him any sort of transfeminine — there's nothing female at all about his identity. It's rather that crossdressing is an important part of how he expresses his (cisgendered) masculinity — and expresses what being a man means to him, and defends that meaning against other people who want to skew or misinterpret it.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 6:14 PM on October 3, 2013 [39 favorites]


He used to blame his problems on his father. Not anymore.

"He's the most brilliant man I know," Travis says. "He's not just strong physically, but mentally as well. He really is my hero."

posted by ovvl at 6:23 PM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


I think he's brave, and according to his bio page at Casper College, he's hero material for me in more ways than one:
"Activities:

Participant in the Veterans for Peace (VFP), Central America War Relief project, have spent extensive time in rural; El Salvador, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Chiapas, MX and Cuba working to help restore peace and justice.

Built from blueprints a; 180 HP, Pitts Aerobatic Bi-plane, FAA registration N57LV

Published in the Journal of Applied Rehabilitation Counseling

Enjoy; traveling with my wife, landscaping, playing golf and riding my motorcycle"
I would challenge any of his detractors to head to Chiapas and work for peace and justice with him and see how manly they are then. Good on you Sissy!
posted by salishsea at 6:25 PM on October 3, 2013 [14 favorites]


A willingness towards patient—dare I say loving—discourse may well yield better results than utter spite.

Yeah, but I'm really jaded.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:32 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


With the hair bow and all, he reminds me of Zippy.
posted by beagle at 6:32 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I find it annoying enough to have people look at my wife and I oddly, and we're just a Socially Approved Interracial Couple. I respect him, but I'm looking for somewhere else to live, and would be if I were in his shoes, too.
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:42 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't know about Wyoming but here in Austin we had Leslie. He was an icon, an ambassador and even managed to get almost 8% of the vote for mayor once. A common complaint against him was from women about how his legs and butt were better than theirs. And when he died:

Cochran's death produced an outpouring of strong emotion and condolences. The Austin City Council observed a moment of silence in his honor. Austin Mayor Lee Leffingwell proclaimed March 8, 2012 and every March 8 forward Leslie Day in Austin. The official proclamation called him "an icon in the Keep Austin Weird scene" who provided "an indelible image" in the memories of many Austin visitors and tourists over the years. "He was an icon for the homeless in Austin, he represented them in so many ways. We will observe a moment of silence in his honor," said Leffingwell. “He represents just so much that is good about Austin. We're going to miss it and that little part of Austin is now gone forever,” said Austin City Council member Mike Martinez. A "Love For Leslie" parade and public service march was held on March 8 from City Hall to 6th Street. Public visitation took place on March 9 at Cook-Walden Funeral Home, followed by a private funeral mass and burial. A public memorial service in his honor was held on March 11 at Auditorium Shores, attended by hundreds. Several editorials have since eulogized Leslie's passing, painting a legacy that reflects upon his homeless advocacy as well as Austin's known tendencies toward eccentricity and tolerance.
posted by jim in austin at 6:56 PM on October 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


Sissy Ain't Skeered.

Thanks for this.
posted by anotherpanacea at 7:17 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I adore drag, despite the fact that I am built like old Soviet farm equipment and cannot pull it off as anything but a deranged genderfuck homage to the Cockettes, largely because I like my facial hair and choose to integrate it into whatever costume I'm building, but there is a sense of being present that comes with saying "fuck your tired old conventions" and putting things on because you like them that just changes the attitudes of all but the most cynical.

For me, it goes back to Geraldine and how I'd just watch Flip Wilson in a dress and get all dreamy-eyed.

"Son, you know that Geraldine is actually Flip Wilson, right?"

"Ha ha, suuuure she is, Dad."

In retrospect, I think I was just hot for Flip Wilson and all the other funny, funny men who just didn't get so mired in what's okay and what's not okay.

I wish I was Killer.

"Well, it's going to be some wedding if she reads your fan letters and is smitten."

"White people are allowed to marry black people now, you know," I said, and rolled my eyes, completely missing the point.

I like to say my first properly psychedelic experience came in roughly the same era, back in '78 when I was ten and we were visiting San Francisco, where the sun set over the ocean like a sunset on another planet. On the sidewalk, as I stood stock still, distracted by architecture and the otherness of it all, a bearded man in a nun's habit billowed in from nowhere on red-wheeled roller skates and crashed headlong into me. On my back, I stared up into the sun and the sky and a man dressed as a giant cookie reached down, took my hand, and helped me up as the bearded nun fretted over me.

"Are you okay, handsome?" asked the bearded nun on red-wheeled roller skates. "The sun got in my eyes and I didn't even see you!"

"Looks like he came out all right," said the cookie. "You all right, kid?"

"Yes, sir."

My parents and my brother, halfway down the block, didn't see a bit of it.

Right then and there, though, I felt the flush of a million neurons firing, leaping to higher quantum states in the creation of a new view of everything.

Anything is possible. Anyone can be anything. The world is unbounded.

Anything can happen. I can even be happy.

The guy shilling for the nearby cookie place went off, the precursor to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence apologized again, gave me a tiny plastic St. Christopher medal that is currently tucked under the seat of my motorcycle, and went on his way, and things settled back down, but found a new equilibrium.

When I caught up to my family, I did not try to explain that I'd been run down by a bearded nun and rescued by a giant cookie, because that magic was intended for me alone, and who'd have believed me, anyway?

Thirty-five years later, I have been appearing once annually for fifteen years at the opening ceremonies of the American Visionary Art Museum's Kinetic Sculpture Race in ambiguous cosmic clerical garb, disco-dancing in my nun's habit to set the race in motion, and my homemade and carefully tailored habit does not make me horny, or feel like a lady, or like a caricature of anything—it's just something that reminds me that anything can happen, even still.

Once the racers are on their way, I have to hop on a bicycle and pedal like mad to get from the Inner Harbor to Canton so I can do the announcements at the water entry, and on my ridiculously tiny folding bicycle with black and white flapping around me like wings, I leave a trail of nothing but happiness. Everyone's smiling, everyone's waving, and we're all in on that lush sensation of being completely in ourselves by allowing ourselves to just do what feels good and right at that very moment.

Several years back, I was double-booked with the race and work, and had to disco-dance, then pedal like mad to my giant clock tower to open up the place for an open house, then pedal like mad to get back. I used my usual shortcut, slicing across the entrance of the ballpark, and was annoyed to find that it was completely clogged with people coming in for a game. I was convinced the smiles and delight the sight of my get-up caused elsewhere would not be met in the spirit of comfortable embrace in a crowd of raucous sports fans who'd already been drinking—

"That is righteous, brah!"

—But I was wrong. I wheeled my ridiculously tiny bicycle through the crowd, smiling and projecting exactly the amount of joy that the costume generates, and I was high-fived enough to leave my palm stinging. It's a wonderful feeling that leaves me levitating, but I know that I'm ultimately gutless when it comes to such things, and I'll fold up my habit, tuck it away for the cold seasons, and just be schlubbishly generic again for the rest of the year.

For that golden moment, though, when I'm in temporary possession of the spark of knowing how to just let it all go—all the concern over anything but being exactly who I feel like being—I get to bask in the sunlight and raise a glass for all the sissies, the rollerskating nuns, Geraldine, and Stonewall's fed-up drag queens who took the long way 'round to make it possible for me to just be schlubbishly generic if I want or fucking fanfuckingtabulous, too, if I just had their nerve.

Nothing is forbidden, everything is permitted.
posted by sonascope at 7:26 PM on October 3, 2013 [74 favorites]


I like this guy! He's cool. Now Mr. Roquette.. I'm not showing him this. He'd never harm someone over cross-dressing but it is something he isn't at ease with. I grew up in a few places, including '60s San Francisco. So cross-dressing doesn't bug me.
If its done well , or even done outrageously enough, I really love it.
I also love those cultures where both men and women wear really beautiful clothing.
We really don't wear enough beautiful things. We're too functional/industrial.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 8:13 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


This article and this comment thread are among the best things I've seen on Metafilter, and I've been lurking for years. Just what I've needed to see tonight.

Everything is possible. Conformity is fucked anyways.
posted by wires at 8:20 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Dude teaches electric power plant technology. That sounds pretty functional/industrial to me.

He's making it work for himself.
posted by Madamina at 8:24 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't understand why he does it, but that's OK, it's really none of my business anyway.

I do admit if I saw him on the street I'd have to giggle--I would probably laugh at woman his age wearing an itty-bitty bow, a ruffled skirt, and yellow/pumpkin colors. But not a derisive laugh, more the delighted laugh you give when something is unusual and unexpected and charming.

I'm afraid I'd be very tempted to haul off and call anybody harrassing him in public an asshole out loud. He's not hurting anyone; he looks like a nice guy; leave him the fluck alone.

It would be tough to be his wife and kids, too. I admire them all.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:01 PM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


aubilenon: "I wonder why it's so important to this guy to wear these clothes

My reaction was to wonder why it's so important for him to keep hanging out in Wyoming and Utah.
"

My reaction was to wonder why it's so important for all those bigots to keep hanging out in Wyoming and Utah.
posted by symbioid at 10:05 PM on October 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


Now there are two. There are two _______.: " But one of the ways he expresses it is by dressing up in a big frilly pink dress to go out dancing with the rest of his morris side, and then to the pub afterwards, and doing the whole thing with such utter deadpan calm that you end up feeling like "Yeah, actually, this is the most normal thing in the world for this guy to be doing on a Saturday afternoon in springtime.""

I think that's one thing that bothers me a lot about drag queens. It's not that I'm opposed to it, and I think they can be quite hot (and also quite ugly, depending LOL)... But there's this whole thing of how it's a show and a facade, something to be a spectacle. It leaves no room for those who want to just *be* (as your comment here, or, indeed, the subject of the OP).

I was sickened by my coworkers who laughed about a transvestite guy (as far as I know he was transvestite, he may have been a pre-op transgender woman, as this is only second hand telling) who answered the door to let them view the house (we do property assessment). I mean, at least they were laughing and not like getting violent or angry - I think in some ways, it's almost seen as a harmless thing because of the drag queens in some ways "oh, how cute or funny" but it also removes the feeling that it's a totally legitimate thing for them to feel the need to dress that way (just like i prefer comfy, loose clothes). Especially knowing how fucking homophobic my boss is, the fact he hasn't said much about that was nice.

Good for this guy. It takes way more balls to do this than anything that's culturally enforced. You're calling him a "sissy"? He faces the brunt of your brutality every day and takes it in stride, and you act as if he's "weak". He's stronger than you any fucking day of the week, asshole.
posted by symbioid at 10:17 PM on October 3, 2013


Having read the article I am not convinced that this guy is in fact making it easier for the next trans person to come along.
posted by fingerbang at 10:24 PM on October 3, 2013


I think that's one thing that bothers me a lot about drag queens. It's not that I'm opposed to it, and I think they can be quite hot (and also quite ugly, depending LOL)... But there's this whole thing of how it's a show and a facade, something to be a spectacle. It leaves no room for those who want to just *be* (as your comment here, or, indeed, the subject of the OP).

Sounds to me like your beef is not with the drag performers themselves, but with the way this stuff is portrayed in mass media.

Because drag queens aren't preventing anyone else from crossdressing more casually. If someone's doing drag onstage, that leaves the entire rest of the world, starting at the edge of the stage, for other people to wear whatever they want without becoming part of the show, you know?

I mean, yeah, casual non-fetish crossdressers do get erased from the world as it's portrayed on TV and in movies. (The same goes for actual trans people. And FWIW, the same goes for drag performers whose show doesn't involve the stereotypical glitzy Vegas showgirl image that you think of when you think of "drag queens." Drag is a broader genre than you're probably imagining.) But that should be a thing that bothers you about Hollywood, not a thing that bothers you about drag queens.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 11:12 PM on October 3, 2013 [7 favorites]


Isn't this what the "stand your ground" law is for?

In theory yes, in practice though, he would be in jail like others of groups who end up going to jail for defending themselves. Wife shot a warning at husband got long jail time. Black kid gets attacked by neo nazi group, defends himself, gets arrested while they go free. Yeah, it's a nice idea that guns can be used to defend yourself, but it's a myth when it comes down to it. He would probably be hounded and harassed by police if he had a concealed carry, and if he used it, it would give them an excuse for them to treat him even worse or shoot him and claim he threatened them.
posted by usagizero at 12:50 AM on October 4, 2013


As someone who is terrified to do anything more transgressive than wear a utilikilt in public, much less the gorgeous polka dot dress in my closet, this dude is my fucking hero.
posted by Blasdelb at 1:23 AM on October 4, 2013 [10 favorites]


Most days you can see one guy - somewhat older (late 50's early 60's) bike around in a super tight g-string

Oh yeah, there was one of those as well in Amsterdam, some wiry, fiftysomething rollerskating guy who come rain or snow would be out in his g-string and nothing else. There's also the guy who I occassionally see in my local supermarket, who's a bit like Sissy in that he's a guy in a dress, rather than a guy in drag, if that makes sense. Full beard, no makeup, dress, kicker boots. Come to think of it, all the guys in dresses I've ever seen were at least well into their fifties, as if they'd reached an age where they no longer gave a fuck and just started dressing in what they felt the most comfortable.

And in a sane world, there wouldn't be gender appropriate clothing anyway.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:27 AM on October 4, 2013 [5 favorites]


I just want to know what size an industrial-sized wrench is.
posted by forgetful snow at 4:05 AM on October 4, 2013


I have so many opinions about this I want to burst!

MartinWisse: And in a sane world, there wouldn't be gender appropriate clothing anyway.

I think that thought is part of what makes this so wonderful. Because we all kind of understand, deep down, that it doesn't matter--none of us came into the world in a little outfit matching our social roles--but at the same time, we all understand, too, that clothes are a huge signifier. So what are we to do with this tension? You can hear it in this thread, an underlying what are we to call this guy? what is the proper name of what he is doing?

He calls into question our whole ability to box people in, to label, to assert a proper sequence of trans-style prefixes. He makes us ask what exactly the point of labeling is: Is it so we don't offend people? But could the offense of trying-to-name ever match the violence of trying-to-maim? Are they really even in the same class? Are we labeling in order to understand him? Will giving him a proper taxonomic tag (Homo vestibus mulierum senex) open up his meaning? (Which comes around to my question about the abuse in his past...does that really tell us what we need to know about him, or is it a just-so story?) Or are we just apes who are alive to difference and unstoppably curious about it?

And why is it different when someone decides on a label for themselves? What is it about someone coming out with a label that they take as all their own, that is so personal and pregnant with possibility, that seems so far away from our fumbling with language if we are not that person?

Until we get our shiny silver unisex jumpsuits in the future, these questions will keep coming up, because people vary in more ways than we have boxes for, and what a magical thing that is. I wonder, when we are wearing our jumpsuits and having our heads shaved to keep off the space-lice, what ways will we vary then? What kind of crazy border-crossings will we attempt?
posted by mittens at 5:33 AM on October 4, 2013 [9 favorites]


I have a good friend who cross dresses. It is a huge problem in their marriage (the wife says she's fine with it but any attempt to publicly display the cross dressing, she comes down hard on him including threats of divorce).

I tell her this:

1. You knew this from the get go.
2. You want him to change is not going to happen. This is who he is and wants to be. Either you're ok with it or not.
3. I don't understand it. I dont' think I could be with him as a girlfriend/wife BUT it's not my place to understand it or be with him. However, I do support him and think the constant fights it causes is unnecessary. He's a great person. Deal with it or leave. You cannot change the being when it's something like this. It's like asking a bi or gay person to go straight 100%.
posted by stormpooper at 7:13 AM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


I tend to wish that the man uniform was less like a straightjacket than the woman uniform, even though the reason the woman uniform is available in less torturous forms is basically down to objectification. Put me in a suit and I am constantly on the edge of clawing myself out of its seam-ridden binding textile oubliette, and that's what everyday middle-class men are meant to wear an awful lot of the time. The woman uniform is more about showcasing implied nudity, but hell, I'd rather be flopping around nude at work than entombed in a nightmare of tailoring, even if my coworkers would almost certainly prefer the former to the latter.

If it didn't make a whitey-white white boy look like the kind of new agey douche who constantly says "namaste" with that sort of glassy-eyed self-absorbed faux peaceful gravitas, I'd wear a damn shalwar kameez all the time, but I've tried it and I really, really can't pull it off. Best you can do if you're a slouchy, casual boy is generic brah duds, the t-shirt-and-jeans "relaxed" man uniform, or scrubs if you're near a hospital.

If I ever achieve either fuck-you money or fuck-you notoriety, you will find me in my salon, slouching gloriously on a rococo green velvet fainting couch in a seventies-era mankaftan, dictating my metafilter comments to one of the Computerettes from a delirious cinematic dirty pleasure of mine.

If not, the suit in my closet will continue to have pockets stuffed with funeral programs and nothing else, and I'm going to keep finding costume parties to attend and performance art excuses to give me valid reasons to drag out the sewing machines.
posted by sonascope at 7:18 AM on October 4, 2013 [3 favorites]


My reaction was to wonder why it's so important for him to keep hanging out in Wyoming and Utah.

Yea, wondering is fine I guess but I can't help but believe it's sub par and just plain tangential at best... Because the wonderfully succinct and absolutely right answer that someone upthread presented is "because". Much like that same answer is plenty of reason for a brilliant african-american female to attend the University of Alabama and potentially join a sorority there.

Good for Sissy, he's got a tough row to hoe but, and this may be running a bit too far with the saying, it's his land and his crops to tend, so we shouldn't question motives or reasoning. We should just be supportive and get the hell outta his way.
posted by RolandOfEld at 8:21 AM on October 4, 2013 [3 favorites]


Imbrie: It annoys me to no end that it is that pretty much just fine for girls to be cross-dressers but not at all ok for guys.

The difference is because our society puts a higher relative value on men, and encourages upward mobility. Women who dress as men are, consiously or unconsiously, perceived as aspiring to a more valued status, and we regard that as a good thing. Men who dress as women are percieved as willingly assuming a inferior position for no apparent reason and implying that he considers women to be of higher status. (Since no-one would willingly be downwardly mobile, he must consider a move to feminine as being upwardly mobil.) Especially as the status of men over women is being erroded in many ways in todays culture, this is a danger to the status quo. This insults all men and must be squashed immediately before people start to doubt that men are better than women.

On the other hand, in societies where upward mobility is difficult to impossible, downward mobility is more common. In these societies, there tends to be more stigma to women cross-dressing. If a man cross dresses, he loses status himself, but he doesn't endanger society. If a woman cross-dresses, there is the danger that she may gain status she is not entitled to and that is a threat to society and must be punished to prevent other women from attempting to gain status this way.
posted by pbrim at 8:30 AM on October 4, 2013 [5 favorites]


think of how you'd feel if someone forced you to dress in the opposite sex's clothes to that which you identify

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me much. Skirts clearly have advantages.
posted by jpe at 9:16 AM on October 4, 2013


I tend to wish that the man uniform was less like a straightjacket than the woman uniform, even though the reason the woman uniform is available in less torturous forms is basically down to objectification. Put me in a suit and I am constantly on the edge of clawing myself out of its seam-ridden binding textile oubliette, and that's what everyday middle-class men are meant to wear an awful lot of the time.

I'm not sure that work-appropriate women's clothing is less physically straitjacket-y. I have a lot of flowy comfy dresses, yes, but most of them are appropriate more for situations where the equivalent men's clothing would be jeans. My tailored work clothing or super-nice-restaurant clothing, plus the appropriate undergarments and accessories, is very physically restrictive.
posted by jaguar at 11:37 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I have a hunch that women's clothing feels a lot more liberating for men who wear it than for women.

I mean, the minute a guy puts on a dress, it becomes obvious to everyone around him that he's repudiated the social norms around clothing. He obviously has nothing left to lose, fashion-wise: he's committed the greatest faux pas imaginable, and there's no possible way he could have done it by accident, so why would he care if you approve or disapprove of any of the details? And that basically makes him immune to criticism.

"That's not formal enough" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

"That's too formal" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

"That's unflattering on your figure" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

"That plays up your figure too much" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

"That's too old-fashioned for you" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

"That's too young for you" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

"That's inappropriately sexy" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

"That's inappropriately conservative" — "Fuck you! I'm a dude in a dress! You think I give a shit?"

For women, wearing women's clothes doesn't give them the same "fuck you" immunity to criticism. I know women who get their sense of immunity from having blue hair, or a gazillion facial piercings, or from dressing super-gothy or super-punk-rock or super-practical-farmer-style-butch, or from wearing stuff that's so obviously retro that it functions as a sort of costume rather than as everyday clothing. But I don't know any women who get it just from putting on any old dress.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 11:50 AM on October 4, 2013 [26 favorites]


Here in Oregon, Stu Rasmussen is the nation's first openly transgender mayor. Radiolab's segment on Stu offers a somewhat more uplifting perspective on how a small rural town deals with gender diversity.
posted by ottereroticist at 12:31 PM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


I wonder why it's so important to this guy to wear these clothes

My reaction was to wonder why it's so important for him to keep hanging out in Wyoming and Utah.


Maybe you should be wondering why it's so important for you that he fit your paradigm. That's not his problem.
posted by AV at 8:12 AM on October 6, 2013


There are two famous cross-dressers in britain, that stand-up comedian and that potter who presents lots of art programmes on TV, Grayson Perry. Plus there are people like that gay chap who's very straight-acting (in the past, people often did a squeaky voice and stuff but not now, except for that gay chap who exaggerates it just to make money and has a big chat show) who used to do TV in drag but switched to just being a man, and there's another man does drag on tv who's less famous... i do wish i could remember names. Then there's only one famous trans woman, the travel writer Jan Morris, who may have died; i don't think there are any famous trans women. Oh and Chelsea Manning is famous. Is it because the whole of traditional british humour is based on men dressing in women's clothing and stuffing something down their front to look like tits? But until recently you would still have got your head kicked in for that, or being feminine like Russell Brand, and suddenly all that disappeared. Just, vanished...
posted by maiamaia at 12:18 PM on October 7, 2013


I think it's to do with the threat to gender roles or something, i used to get constant insults and even threats when i went out dressed neutral eg trousers because i'm ugly so look like a man (anyone old and ugly looks less gendered, which in women looks masucline but in men doesn't always look feminine) but if i dressed sissy, so to speak, i didn't get it, although given my looks, or how ugly i was in most people's opinion of them which is the important thing, i looked silly, like mutton dressed as lamb. I have no idea why an older very ugly woman wearing a frilly skirt would not draw abuse from the people who would if she's wearing jeans, and i doubt there's any overlap between this website and those people so i don't think i'm going to find out! He's... somewhere on that line, and that line is threatening, but he can't see why and most of us can't..
posted by maiamaia at 12:28 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


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