The 25 Twitter people you’ll regret meeting at a tweet-up.
November 1, 2013 4:14 AM   Subscribe

The 25 Twitter people you’ll regret meeting at a tweet-up. "Guy who shouts “GRUMPY CAT! HORSE eBOOKS!” at you, as though memes work as punctuation marks or greetings in real life"
posted by feelinglistless (55 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
1. "Twitter People"
posted by empath at 4:38 AM on November 1, 2013 [9 favorites]


I've never met anyone through twitter. Sounds a lot less fun than a meet up.
posted by arcticseal at 4:41 AM on November 1, 2013


29. "I've discovered a way to shit my pants without anyone noticing."

No, you haven't.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 4:42 AM on November 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


..."tweet-up?"
posted by Sticherbeast at 4:44 AM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm just going to come out and say this:

26. Neil Gaiman
27. Amanda Palmer
posted by pxe2000 at 4:52 AM on November 1, 2013 [24 favorites]


I'm not sure when they switched the default Twitter avatar to an egg, but it's made my Twitter av (the old face avatar with eyebrows added in Paint) less cute.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:55 AM on November 1, 2013


... and then of course all those people whose list of n items actually include only n-1 items.

I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE 25TH TWITTER PERSON I'LL REGRET MEETING IS!!!!
posted by sour cream at 4:55 AM on November 1, 2013 [5 favorites]


Was there a 25th one I missed? I only saw 24 but it's possible I'm simple.

Also, 1. Person who insists on referring to everyone by their Twitter names, including numbers and underscores doesn't EXACTLY describe me at meetups but I do have a tendency to refer to my MeFi friends by their usernames, even ones I know pretty well and have been seeing for years.

This tendency will be on display at the DC meetup tonight when I start referring to my husband as "Bulgaroktonos" instead of "sweetheart".
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 4:55 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hey, I'm not under any obligation to have a literal photo of me as my avatar. I know it's probably shocking to discover that in real life I don't actually look like Surprise the pegasus, but you'll get over it.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:01 AM on November 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


28. People who use the term "tweet-up".
posted by Thorzdad at 5:06 AM on November 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


Right in the listicles
posted by clvrmnky at 5:06 AM on November 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


30. The person who learned how to 'social network' specifically to improve their 'digital brand' and attract a 'following'

There's a guy on my school's alumni network who is constantly posting driveby links to the most vapid of posts from trendy, intellectually bankrupt business blogs with titles such as "The Top 15 Twitter Hashtags Successful Entrepreneurs Use" and "Land Your Dream Job By Selecting The Right Instagram Filter". He never actually contributes anything, and for all I know he could be just a bot that's pulling RSS feeds, but somehow he manages to get a ton of "likes" from people who apparently see this rebroadcasting as some sort of service to the community.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:16 AM on November 1, 2013 [9 favorites]


8. The shitbag who tells you that you’re not as funny in real life.

This is why I will never be going to any kind of meetup.
posted by billiebee at 5:25 AM on November 1, 2013


The guy who remembers some dumbass thing you tweeted off-hand four years ago and really wants to explain why you're super wrong about it. Especially if it's about Doctor Who or Libertarianism.
posted by Legomancer at 5:31 AM on November 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


30. The person who learned how to 'social network' specifically to improve their 'digital brand' and attract a 'following'

This.

I remember going to a few blog meetups, some in the early 00s, and some a few years later, circa 2006 or so, and was struck by the cultural change for the worse that had happened in the interim. The earlier blog meetups would consist of a few individuals with opinions and (usually) a knack for writing; there'd be some techies, some humanities types, and the subject matter would vary from various forms of earnest geekery to kvetching about politics, music or TV shows. Fast forward by a few years and the composition of a blog meetup has undergone a radical phase transition; they all look like real estate agents or recruitment consultants and are very, very professional about “building your brand”, repeating marketing babble with the glassy-eyed earnestness of Scientologists.
posted by acb at 5:47 AM on November 1, 2013 [17 favorites]


People who can only talk about things that people talk about on Twitter. E.g. “Ha ha ha cats!”

Why would you not talk about cats 24/7 though. what else is there. what else is good in this world
posted by Greg Nog at 5:52 AM on November 1, 2013 [27 favorites]


I'm pretty sure that, even though the list only goes to 24, it's implied that the 25th type of person you will regret meeting at twitter meetups is the type that goes to twitter meetups for the purpose of being insufferable on their blog about people who go to twitter meetups.
posted by logicpunk at 5:52 AM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


what else is there. what else is good in this world

Gaelic Festivals, for one thing
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:53 AM on November 1, 2013


Why would you not talk about cats 24/7 though. what else is there. what else is good in this world

Oh oh I got this one! Um, other...cats! Other cats.
posted by capricorn at 5:57 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


#25: You. If you meet yourself at a "Tweetup", don't worry, you're already dead.
posted by blue_beetle at 5:57 AM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Meh. Just like Metafilter meetups, it's always a bit awkward at first to figure out what to say to people you know primarily online. Once you're over that initial awkwardness, it's often quite nice to hang out with people you rub shoulders with online!
posted by honest knave at 6:04 AM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Neil Gaiman

Oh come on. Gaiman is a pretty nice guy in person. I can't speak for his Twitter, but he's always been decent in person.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:05 AM on November 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


People who can only talk about things that people talk about on Twitter. E.g. “Ha ha ha cats!”

Having relatively recently gotten a kitten, I come into work and my coworkers say "let's hear the cat report." I listen patiently to their stories about their families and sports, so it's not like it's a one-way street. But... my kitten is pretty adorable, and I do have a lot of pictures on my phone.

OK, it's a sickness.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:07 AM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


there are some creeps and jerks out there who go to internet things because they have no friends. then there are a bunch of nice socially awkward folks who with a little friendliness can relax and become cool. Making fun of people for following you around or being shy just reveals your own insecurity. If you're really that much of a social wizard, do your best to make everyone comfortable and have fun. I'm usually drunk quickly so I soon lose track of everything other than being loud and finding tacos. I guess I'm #2.

I've met internet peeps from a dozen web and social things over the years, and the weird twitter ones are probably the least socially awkward. Well except for the one pretty famous writer who was morosely drunk and took an instant dislike to me and my friend so stood there sarcastically chatting with us while cutting THE worst farts I have ever encountered in public. Eventually I had to stop talking because I didn't want to breathe. Well played sir. A Salut.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:09 AM on November 1, 2013 [13 favorites]


Having relatively recently gotten a kitten

FYI we are all still waiting for that video of the kitten attacking his stuffed gorilla.
posted by elizardbits at 6:11 AM on November 1, 2013 [5 favorites]


Oh come on. Gaiman is a pretty nice guy in person.

Ditto Amanda Palmer. She can be insufferable online but she'll go above and beyond for her fans. Recently she was in London and ended up playing three live shows in one night because people asked her to.
posted by fight or flight at 6:11 AM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


All i know is I would hate to meet the person who wrote that list in real life.
posted by rocket88 at 6:23 AM on November 1, 2013 [7 favorites]


Gaelic Festivals, for one thing

I live near Boston: no
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:33 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I live 40 miles north of Gilroy but I've never been to one- oh right. "Gaelic". Never mind.
posted by happyroach at 6:41 AM on November 1, 2013 [7 favorites]


Recently she was in London and ended up playing three live shows in one night because people asked her to

On the last trip, no-one asked and she played four shows
posted by ominous_paws at 6:41 AM on November 1, 2013 [14 favorites]


I live 40 miles north of Gilroy but...

Fun fact: garlic ice cream is not as terrible as it sounds. Tweet-ups, mmmmaybe...
posted by psoas at 6:57 AM on November 1, 2013


29. "I've discovered a way to shit my pants without anyone noticing."

No, you haven't.


The corrrect answer here is "No shit?"
posted by jaduncan at 6:58 AM on November 1, 2013


Isn't this fad over yet?
posted by General Tonic at 7:01 AM on November 1, 2013


Seems like this writer got called fat and unfunny, got ignored by the cool kids, and spent most of their time hanging around the awkward drunk wallflowers. #prom #johnhughes
posted by SharkParty at 7:25 AM on November 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Isn't this fad over yet?

Alas, making silly lists on the interwebs seems like it's here to stay.
posted by Celsius1414 at 7:29 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've met internet peeps from a dozen web and social things over the years, and the weird twitter ones are probably the least socially awkward.

This doesn't surprise me. When weird twitter people meet up, they tend to tweet variations on "Man, everyone here is pretty great," and I can believe it.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 7:31 AM on November 1, 2013


I've met people that I previously only knew on twitter and they were all fine. Social, friendly, different than their online personas in a good way (do you really want to have a conversation with someone that's entirely one-liner anti-jokes and non-sequitors?) This author's experience might have more to do with the twitter crowd she runs in than anything. And she seems more insufferable than the people she criticizes.
posted by naju at 7:33 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Why would you not talk about cats 24/7 though. what else is there. what else is good in this world


Cuttlefish, aka the cats of the sea.
posted by MartinWisse at 7:53 AM on November 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


But... my kitten is pretty adorable, and I do have a lot of pictures on my phone.

And yet you chose not to share any with us? Why? What have we done?
posted by MartinWisse at 7:54 AM on November 1, 2013


For your delectation: my favorite negative celebrity story about Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer.

Though I (so far) follow only one MeFite on Twitter, that MeFite is pretty boss. I also am G+'ed with nearly a couple hundred other MeFites thanks to a post by Rory Marinich, which post is now dead.

I would be deeply honored yet slightly cagey were I to meet a fellow MeFite in person, whatever my social media relationship to that MeFite might be.

The same goes for the rest of the Internet that I met first on the Internet. Nothing personal. I am only, after all, a mortal meat machine.
posted by mistersquid at 8:02 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


The writer of this article is very clearly one of the people he's complaining about.

I'm not at all certain he's aware that he's one of the people he's complaining about, though.
posted by ook at 8:02 AM on November 1, 2013


Cuttlefish, aka the cats of the sea.
posted by MartinWisse at 7:53 AM on November 1
I resemble that comment.
posted by mistersquid at 8:12 AM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


And yet you chose not to share any with us? Why? What have we done?

Technical problems and overwork. I will try to remedy this soon.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:57 AM on November 1, 2013


I went to a handful of Tweet-ups a few years back when I was tweeting professionally and they were pretty fun. One was at the balloon museum. I've done meetups with several local 'net communities and always had a pretty good time.
posted by NoraReed at 9:08 AM on November 1, 2013


#13, checking in. And following you all.
posted by rhiannonstone at 9:09 AM on November 1, 2013


I've met people through Facebook, MetaFilter, Google+ and Tumblr, and in three out of those four situations, the people I met were lovely and wonderful, though there was that one fiasco where I invited people over for food and then thought that getting stoned before meeting new people was a good idea. I blame being stoned already for making that decision, so in conclusion never to to art school.

(The one site where things went poorly, perhaps-not-surprisingly, was Tumblr, but there were also extenuating circumstances, namely my IRL friend thought setting us up on a double date with two random Tumblrers would end well and not with scorching psychological trauma. So I kind of don't want to blame Tumblr for this one, but I'm going to anyway.)
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:02 AM on November 1, 2013


We hosted a Tweet Up-type thing at our new business a few years back and the one I'd add to the list is the person who forgets that if you're a surly prick who's never pleased with anything, that's why you're home on the Internet, so don't start going out to things and mumbling snark at everyone.
posted by yerfatma at 11:48 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh come on. Gaiman is a pretty nice guy in person.
He's incredibly insufferable on social media, though.
posted by pxe2000 at 12:17 PM on November 1, 2013


What! I feel so left out! How do all of you people know when and where to show up to meet real-live Internet people!
posted by Mooseli at 12:28 PM on November 1, 2013


People still do this? My first BBS meet-up in the late 80s inoculated me against ever wanting to meet anyone from the Internet.
posted by entropicamericana at 12:47 PM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


You are exactly as funny in real life.

That's the problem.
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 1:11 PM on November 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


For those who care, kitten photos and kitten vs gorilla video on my profile page.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:12 PM on November 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


He's incredibly insufferable on social media, though.

Perhaps, but this article was about meeting Twitter People in real life, where Gaiman is generally pleasant.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:19 PM on November 1, 2013


I was tweeting professionally and they were pretty fun. One was at the balloon museum

Wait, there's a balloon museum?

(In the grimdark future, I am sure there will be a social media museum, so the fact there is at least one balloon museum should not surprise me. That there are many around the world does).
posted by Mezentian at 7:28 AM on November 2, 2013


Well, I live in the city of the International Balloon Fiesta. The Balloon Museum has a rental space for events, weddings, stuff like that. It's convenient that I've been to an event there since I'm planning my wedding now and am considering venues.
posted by NoraReed at 2:26 PM on November 2, 2013


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