December 28, 2001

11:14 AM

"From northern Alberta in the days of his cub-hood, a bear went astray and experienced the evils of alcohol and drugs and found it un-"bear"-able." Now you too can become a mascot costumed character! (In this case, Sober Bear.)
posted by kahboom (9 comments total)

When we sweat, potassium is lost from our bodies. Potassium is what carries the electrical charge in our nervous system. You will find that you have more energy and can last longer if you have taken on extra potassium. The best foods for that are bananas and broccoli.

Can you imagine being trapped in a giant panda suit for six hours after eating a mess of broccoli?
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:37 AM on December 28, 2001

Okay- sanity check- those are Grateful Dead bears dancing around there aren't they? Sober Bear? Does that strike anyone else as funny?
posted by kahboom at 11:39 AM on December 28, 2001

Well, Kafkaesque -- I dunno: I played Arthur the Aardvark once, and a bushel of brocolli could've come in quite handy for keeping all the little kids from trying to knock my (Arthur) head off!
posted by Dzolali at 11:46 AM on December 28, 2001

Often times kids here in Sioux City are contemptible little brats, with a gang of seven or eight kids pushing, kicking, doing whatever they can to make my life more miserable. A good way to try and stop this is making warthog mating noises. If your costume allows it, turn your head 360 degrees. If they pull on your mask to try and see your eyes, give them a headbutt soft enough to not cause pain, but hard enough to knock them over.

For too long have my mascot brethren been abused! The time to rise against your tormentors is now!
posted by Homeskillet Freshy Fresh at 1:16 PM on December 28, 2001

BEAR CURED OF ALCOHOLISM About a third of its 7-year life, bear Potapych was boozing.
posted by colt45 at 2:03 PM on December 28, 2001

Did this make anyone else think of Sexual Harassment Panda?

Nah, probably just me.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:20 PM on December 28, 2001

"Local people preferred to avoid meeting the [drunken] bear."
Wow, local people are smarter than I had given them credit for. Go local people!
posted by kahboom at 2:44 PM on December 28, 2001

mr crash davis- I had the exact same thought.
posted by dogwelder at 4:29 PM on December 28, 2001

NOTE: The cost of purchasing a mascot costume is almost $10,000.

Sure, that's Canadian funds, hyuk hyuk, but to budget this amount for such an ugly, slack-faced ursine? You could buy an entire squadron of far more vicious and well-made recovering addicts if you shop around.

Please, purchase and/or design your mascot costumes while sober. Or get your auditor drunk.
posted by Sallyfur at 5:50 PM on December 30, 2001