“But, Commodore! It’s the WEEKEND!!!”
November 21, 2013 10:33 PM   Subscribe

 
Bravestarr was eighties. Fail.
posted by MartinWisse at 10:35 PM on November 21, 2013 [6 favorites]


I felt like this had to be from some other English speaking country that I didn't grow up in, but I totally remember BraveStarr...so I guess I was under a rock for all the rest of this?
posted by trackofalljades at 10:37 PM on November 21, 2013 [4 favorites]


ahem... "4 Amazing BuzzFeed Lists That Are Full of Blatant Lies"

this is one of them.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:37 PM on November 21, 2013 [28 favorites]


Are you telling me that none of you remember Zim Zam!!?

It's like we didn't even share the same decade.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:39 PM on November 21, 2013 [4 favorites]


Fuck that, us kids born between 1982 and 1992 are gonna stage a revolt based on our shared pop culture and we (no worries, I verified this shit with Clarissa and Alex Mack and adjusted the numbers likewise) don't give a shit. Gak.
posted by Copronymus at 10:42 PM on November 21, 2013 [7 favorites]


That’s great. I’m too old, but still I thought it had to be fake until I got to the spork. Very clever use of spork.
posted by bongo_x at 10:42 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I recognized... sporks.

Old. I am old.
posted by ducky l'orange at 10:43 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


This list was clearly written by a 90s kid who lived in Liartown, USA (currently very NSFW).
posted by infinitewindow at 10:43 PM on November 21, 2013 [20 favorites]


Apparently "BuzzFeed Community" is accepting anything from anybody and this author "Spacedog Escargot" is the most profound prevaricator on the subsite. But then, his “9 Reasons Why 1544 Was The Most Balls-Out Crazy Year In The History Of Ever" may be the greatest listicle written since 1544.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:44 PM on November 21, 2013 [10 favorites]


I'm 26 and I don't know what any of these things are.
posted by Noms_Tiem at 10:44 PM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


I was a 90s kid and the only thing I recognized on that list is sporks. And I'm pretty sure sporks aren't just a 90s thing.
posted by schroedinger at 10:45 PM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


Breaking: it is resolved in Congrefs that February 1994 is the best time to have been a Kid and watching Nickelodeon and thus the best time to have been alive. 90fKidCongrefs will continue with more devastating developments to follow, probably involving Stick Stickly's subversive anti-zip code agenda.
posted by Copronymus at 10:47 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Thanks Copronymus, or should I say...FERGUSON? !
posted by littlesq at 10:47 PM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


Now I feel old. But at the same time, I'm glad I missed being a kid in the 90's.
posted by matty at 10:49 PM on November 21, 2013


Thanks Copronymus, or should I say...FERGUSON? !

That has never been proved in open court. For all you know I may as well be that Rugrat that people didn't like or that other Rugrat that people did like or maybe not even an animated character at all.
posted by Copronymus at 10:50 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Okay, on a second viewing, I'm calling shenanigans on this.
posted by ducky l'orange at 10:50 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh god, Timmy D'Amico had a front monk in fourth grade. He was the same motherfucker who told everyone he had a Nintendo 64 a week before launch date because his parents worked for Nintendo, but they were contractually obligated not to let other kids into their house until it came out. I hated that kid.
posted by invitapriore at 10:51 PM on November 21, 2013 [8 favorites]


I cried when I didn't get a Scumpy Buddy back in Christmas of '96. It was worse than finding out that Santa didn't exist.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:54 PM on November 21, 2013 [6 favorites]


I still like "Test Drive" though, I don’t think Bailiwick was just for kids.
posted by bongo_x at 10:58 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


invitapriore: "Oh god, Timmy D'Amico had a front monk in fourth grade. He was the same motherfucker who told everyone he had a Nintendo 64 a week before launch date because his parents worked for Nintendo, but they were contractually obligated not to let other kids into their house until it came out. I hated that kid."

Real Talk: I forced other children to play NARC: the Video Game for Children Who Love the Police State but they were really bad at dodging bullets from drug-dealers so now they vote Tea Party.
posted by Copronymus at 10:58 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bonky Boxes (and the later, smaller, Bonky Buddies) were pretty amazing. For those who didn't have one, they were the device that came between walkie-talkies and cell phones - they transmitted a letter at a time over fairly long distances. We used to sit under the covers in bed with a flashlight late at night, writing down each letter in hopes of getting a complete message. Crosstalk, however, was a real bitch.

Zam Zam, on the other hand, was awful, a half-rate OK Soda clone from the Roily's Supermarket chain in North Dakota. It somehow got brief nationwide exposure after being featured on a very special episode of My Cousin Roberto.
posted by eschatfische at 10:58 PM on November 21, 2013 [16 favorites]


You take that back about my fucking Zim Zam.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:59 PM on November 21, 2013 [4 favorites]


OMG, I was totally Uncle Mac for Halloween like 4 times. And I actually found some Dream Gems in an old jewelry box when I was cleaning the other day. Memories!!
posted by town of cats at 11:01 PM on November 21, 2013 [8 favorites]


I don't know if anyone else ever figured this out, but it was possible to transmit special characters with the original Bonky Boxes if you pressed certain letter pairs at the same time. If I remember right you could do all of $&!?#, which was great for when you wanted to send curse words but you knew your parents were watching. Man. We thought we were so clever.
posted by invitapriore at 11:02 PM on November 21, 2013 [5 favorites]


I was looking at this having one of those WTF? moments when I got to Skrip!! and thought, "wait, that looks just like the cryptogram that was allegedly found in a murderers papers, but may just the the cryptography equivalent of catfish." Holy shit, if it turns out that it's just some goofy kids game.

Nope it is the cryptogram that was allegedly found in a murderers papers, but may just the the cryptography equivalent of catfish.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:02 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've never seen a website have a nervous breakdown before
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 11:03 PM on November 21, 2013 [12 favorites]


“9 Reasons Why 1544 Was The Most Balls-Out Crazy Year In The History Of Ever"

Thank you. I feel my entire past month's procrastination and indecision has borne fruit. Were it not for all that mucking around, I would have not happened on this link in this thread.

1544 ftw.
posted by philip-random at 11:09 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm not sure that knowing this thing is fake makes it better or worse, but either way, i'm going to troll people on facebook with it.
posted by empath at 11:15 PM on November 21, 2013 [4 favorites]


I feel a bit embarrased that I came to this thread all ready to say "yeah, maybe if you're an american! God this site is so americentric!" Then I read this thread and the wheels in my brain slooooowly turned...
posted by Cannon Fodder at 11:27 PM on November 21, 2013 [5 favorites]


This is glorious.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:28 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Was this list made by a Canadian because literally none of these things were part of my youth as a 90s kid growing up in Southern California....
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 11:30 PM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


I don't know if anyone else ever figured this out, but it was possible to transmit special characters with the original Bonky Boxes if you pressed certain letter pairs at the same time.

Heh, kids could only learn those secret combos by word of mouth. There was no internet back then. Sometimes you'd stumble on to something and had no idea how you did it. The short-lived Fox Kids cartoon they based off of it was awful, though. Funny that Bailiwick is on this list because their frontman was the voice of "Bailey Bonky." I laughed when they killed him off.

There's an app out now that I've long since deleted.. It's fun for a few minutes but using a touchscreen isn't the same.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 11:32 PM on November 21, 2013 [4 favorites]


Having actually known what one of the images was, I had to know them all. Now you can too!

B. Alphaberry.
AviMagic.
Iraqi Soda.
The band The Clarks.
Plastic Perler Beads.
One of a whole legion of people with novelty sunburns.
The aforementioned cryptogram.
Bad stock image from the 90's.
A website from hell.
A man in a hot tub which GIS and Tineye are shielding us from.
It's like Nam Jun Paik on vacation in Beirut after dropping acid with a falafel chaser.
What appears to be a stock image from Kindrunner.
An EPIC HAIRCUT FAIL!!!!, or so 500 content farms tell me.
An awesome baby car by artist Elmer Presslee.
There really was a Bravestar apparently.
Sporks.
Rape by René Magritte.
Another GIS and Tineye proof image.
AntoniPieter Memes!
Just one of the many marks of Tupperware corn butterers.
Chili Peppers the clown.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:34 PM on November 21, 2013 [20 favorites]


Thank God this is a trick. For a minute there I thought I was old.
posted by fshgrl at 11:47 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Thought I clicked on Feedbuzz for a bit.
posted by klangklangston at 11:48 PM on November 21, 2013


That exciting 90s website, BeedFuzz!
posted by taz at 11:52 PM on November 21, 2013


Maybe "1544 Was The Most Balls-Out Crazy Year In The History Of Ever", but 1538 was a great year for milk.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:01 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I know not everyone was into the mid period Eggmon games, but the spinoff tv series and associated toys were nigh inescapable. Seems like an obvious omission, but it's a nice reminder that not everyone had the same childhood I did.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:05 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]




koavf: "Please don't link to or read Buzzfeed—it's Internet poison."

Don't worry, we have an agent on the inside.
posted by DoctorFedora at 12:20 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh come on, you can't tell me that you didn't enjoy knocking back a Strawberry Zim Zam while idling Junkytown on the computer, and playing Fish Summoner 3 on your new Segavision? URIEL LIVES
posted by JHarris at 12:27 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


Maddox isn't allowed to call anything else on the Internet poison.

He's also not allowed to leave 2005 where we trapped him.
posted by Rory Marinich at 12:45 AM on November 22, 2013 [15 favorites]


22 Reasons Buzzfeed reminds you of The Night of the Living Dead
posted by fullerine at 1:01 AM on November 22, 2013


It really shows the power of the listicle that even though I had no idea what any of these references were, I kept scrolling down until it ended. I half expected some sort of horrible Lovecraftian mind breaker for #22 to jump out, too.
posted by FJT at 1:15 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I can't believe they didn't reference Chicken Steak, Shoeblades, the Horf-Tiddle, or (shockingly) Senate for Kids
posted by maus at 1:29 AM on November 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


What the fuck are Sporks??
posted by Caskeum at 2:05 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


You may know them by their more formal name: Foons.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:20 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


There's a subliminal shark being jumped on that page.
posted by arcticseal at 2:21 AM on November 22, 2013


Aw man, I cried so hard the day my elementary school banned Shoeblades.
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 2:25 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ah, this uses the irksome/cheap rhetorical trick of false inclusivity ("we-speak" or "you-speak" I guess) that's so popular currently (headlines/copy that tells you how we all should think and feel when viewing an image or video) to wonderfully subversive ends.

It's like "hey, for a little while we thought maybe the internet killed monoculture, but then clickbait shit websites brought monoculture back for your dim friends to propagate w/ facebook shares, but then some wonderful soul poured hallucinogens into the monoculture, lurching it into the uncanny valley of the unrecognizable-yet-familiar." Good. This is good.
posted by erlking at 2:54 AM on November 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


I don't know what any of that shit is. Where are the green Hostess Ninja Turtles pies?
posted by Redfield at 3:21 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was going "well, I'm definitely not a 90s kid because I don't know what any of this shit is" and then right at the end it hit me.
posted by zardoz at 3:27 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is some beautifully absurdist satire. I completely lost my shit around the Front Monk. Whoever did this has a beautiful eye for comic insanity. Kudos.
posted by Frobenius Twist at 3:31 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


1980 here, but wtf, I didn't get any of those references. Long live Jem.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 3:51 AM on November 22, 2013


Didn't read any of the comments here but ugh this is so white-culture centric. Hey Milllenial hipsters , black culture was going through a renaissance in the 90s too helLO. What about all the hip hop man! Like Big Fat Criminal, 2 Slump Dawgs, tecchClock Krew, Mc Low Winter Sun, DjDeeJay, Sofa King Crispy--and shit what about all the great hip hop cinema of the 90s? Compton Dreams, Free Will Pizza Shop, Smoothie, Graveyard Boogie, all that! Man it's like you guys were living in a bubble!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:56 AM on November 22, 2013 [31 favorites]


L'implacabile difensore della Western-Galassia!
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:11 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm definitely not a 90's kid. However, my kids were 90's kids, and none of that junk on the list ever made an appearance in our home at any time, and no one here has any idea what any of it is.
Well, other than sporks. Those were hard to avoid, frankly.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:24 AM on November 22, 2013


1974 here. I expected to get something from the list, as I couldn't get away from Ninja Turtles, Animaniacs, Tiny Toons or X-Men for what seemed like half the decade (I had a lot of immature friends), but I heard of none of these things on here.

And why does the list end with a clown? Can someone explain that to me? Is this some kind of Tim Curry from IT reference?
posted by suburbanbeatnik at 5:22 AM on November 22, 2013


Guys, it's a joke....
posted by pearlybob at 5:24 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


What a bizarre list. No Chloe Club? No Monkeyvision? No Neno jeans, Silly Twine, or Cocomusk body spray? And, yeah, no Fish Summoner 3 or Big Fat Criminal?

As Mary Shasta from Chloe Club always said: "This is super stupes."
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:50 AM on November 22, 2013 [15 favorites]


Welcome to Weinerville, population you.
posted by maryr at 6:01 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I had gone a blissful 3 days without anyone quoting, "But, Commodore! It's the weekend!" at me, and now this site puts a quarter in everyone. Thanks, assholes.
posted by Legomancer at 6:11 AM on November 22, 2013 [16 favorites]


The clown is Slapsy Simon who introduced the cartoons on the show "Cartoober" in the late-80s and early-90s. But his real contribution was that A whole lot of classic 90s TV cartoons started off as shorts on Cartoober. Shows like Tom Tremolo and the Glee Club, the Above Ground Buddies, the Wild World of Einstein Jr. were all picked up for their multi-season runs (well, except Glee Club but that's a long, weird story I might FPP one day) from their appearance on Slapsy's show.

Many cartoon showrunners that are now household names on cartoons aimed at both kids and adults -- Ace and Jack, the Fight Fighters and All-Girls' Paranormal Detective Agency -- are direct descendants of Slapsy Simon. You can even see references to Slapsy on those older cartoons and the newer generation as well. Einstein Jr. had a recurring villain called "Slapsman" (a droll British mime) and the Joker on Ace and Jack is as clear an homage as you will get.

A bit of trivia: Slaspsy's show featured dubbed anime called WrestleFist! [sic]. It was actually a compilation of three different shows: Ichi Puraresu (the wrestling scenes), Otaku no Akihabara (the "fandom" scenes) and a show whose original Japanese name I can't recall but was aired subtitled and uncut years later as "The Love Of Ten Thousand Hearts Of Glass Story."

Hope that provides some context for this post!
posted by griphus at 6:16 AM on November 22, 2013 [17 favorites]


But do they know about listicles?
posted by clvrmnky at 6:23 AM on November 22, 2013


Good to see Crab Hatters getting some love. They did Homestar before Homestar was Homestar, and they did it better.

I actually saw All Your Base before either, but I was late to the game on that one.
posted by postcommunism at 6:34 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


To be fair, reading this troll's list is pretty much how I feel when people talk about the 90s.

Seriously, was I the only one who didn't give a fuck about Friends, Dawson's Creek, or Party of Five?
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:37 AM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


Well naturally I didn't have the television needed to see all of these things, so I don't get the references. I was too busy reading Kevin Paterson's Bubbleland novels, Keely Price's Witch Up! series and of course the Dignified comics.
I wasn't really into Hip Hop, but how could he miss off whole genres of music that appeared during the 90's? It's like crunchcore, flipstep and neon country never happened in whatever universe this person inhabits.
posted by asok at 6:53 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


This feels a lot like that Lexicon game we had going a while back.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:54 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


That's Numberwang!
posted by exit at 7:12 AM on November 22, 2013 [12 favorites]


While I am 20+ years too old for the demographic, I guess I am still relieved that I don't know what a single one of the things on that list was. It was kind of like going through a list of cultural memes from a different timeline.
posted by aught at 8:43 AM on November 22, 2013


If you liked this article you might also like FeedBuzz. Read up on quality articles like Top 5 Things I No Longer Need.
posted by cyberscythe at 8:55 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was born in 1983 (does that make me a 90s kid? I would think so, in that most of my childhood memories are from the 90s) and the only one of these I remember is sporks.
posted by madcaptenor at 9:18 AM on November 22, 2013


This comment thread is the gift that keeps on giving. There are two kinds of people in the world, and they are represented here.
posted by BurntHombre at 9:31 AM on November 22, 2013 [37 favorites]


I pay no attention to all this and go on revising, in the still days at the Adrogue hotel, an uncertain grungespeak translation (which I do not intend to publish) of Coupland's Generation X.
posted by kewb at 9:40 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


The only reason I know "Darling It’s Over" is because one of the local stations shows it on one of those weird side band channel networks and I’ve accidentally flipped to it and got sucked in by how terrible it is. Just awful. No wonder everyone who grew up in the 90’s is immoral and untrustworthy.
posted by bongo_x at 9:41 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Slightly older than the demo for this though I was a kid/teen in the 90s, and the only one I knew was sporks.

Shoe piling?
posted by sweetkid at 9:45 AM on November 22, 2013


That's weird I have never heard of this... Spork? or what? that y'all keep bringing up. Was it like a regional thing? Why would people use this instead of a spoon? Even plastic spoons have an edge right? Why wouldn't you just use that?

Was it at certain fast food places in the Northeast only? I'm from the South, we certainly didn't have any of these weirdo combo-utensils there!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:58 AM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


Not sporks as in the thing you eat wet food with. The other "Sporks." I think it was a sex game (I was too old at that point and already a senior in college, but I remember my cousin Robin got grounded for at least a week when her parents came home early and found half her study group playing with the things in the gift wrap closet)...
posted by Mchelly at 10:02 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in the world, and they are represented here.

The ones who scrip and the ones who N j j q P RR s D

(Did anyone else call it "scrids"? I didn't hear it referred to as "scrip" until high school, and never "skrip.")
posted by griphus at 10:07 AM on November 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


I actually first encountered it as Pips!, and for a buncha years when people mentioned Skrips I politely feigned awareness of the game. Never realized they were talking about my Pips! until I was, Christ, 17 or 18 or so.

Talk about egg on my face!
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:25 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


You guys missing Zim Zam, there's a website you can mail order it from. They've got all the classic flavors, including strawberry and white strawberry (not cantaloupe, though, dammit).

They've also got all that candy you can't find anymore: Chunky Chums, Fruitwhispers, Grazzle Stiks, and Xtreemloaf. I'll try to dig up the URL.

Man, I could totally go on a 90s kid sugar binge and just pile the hell out of some shoes right now.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:26 AM on November 22, 2013 [11 favorites]


Kid Charlemagne: "Nope it is the cryptogram that was allegedly found in a murderers papers, but may just the the cryptography equivalent of catfish."

Damnit I was going to post that - did you spend time on trying to solve it, too? Cuz... I kinda did. *sheepish*
posted by symbioid at 10:36 AM on November 22, 2013


Turns out that Cypher was just an ad for Jordance Jeans (the weird jeans that Michael Jordan started in 1997, remember? Remember their color, darker than black? Remember how they burned???????????????????_______)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:41 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is my favorite buzzfeed list ever. For the first three I was like, wow I'm a lot older than I thought, then for the next two I thought it was Canadian or something, and then i realized the joke. Good stuff.
posted by cell divide at 10:44 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm amused that though the cans clearly say Zam Zam, people seem to remember them as Zim Zams.
posted by klangklangston at 10:54 AM on November 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


Aw man, shoe piling. In Reading, where I grew up, it was basically our elementary-school-kid way of fucking with the teachers. Just as recess was about to end, we'd all throw at least one shoe onto a big pile at the foot of the hill that sloped down from the asphalt yard behind the school to the flat space where the baseball diamond was. The playground, too, was on the flat space, and most of us spent recess there, so the shoes would have lots of wood chips in them. The teachers would tell us to get our shoes back on, and some of us would literally drag our feet as we pretended not to be able to find our shoes. At least one or two kids got punished for this each time we did it, so we only did it every three weeks or so. Man, though, but we really pissed them off.

In Wakefield, where my mother taught high-school math, the elementary teachers said it was more of an extracurricular thing, a way to celebrate after winning a soccer game (especially after winning a soccer game). Wakefield kids were always pretty weird.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:57 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I think they were Zim Zams on the East Coast and Zam Zams on the West. Two different bottling/distributing companies. Kind of like how Girl Scout Cookies have different names depending on the bakery, or like the Skrips/Pips/Scraps thing.

My cousins from Kansas were always talking about how their favorite "pop" was "Zam Zam" and ohhh, it drove me up the wall.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:59 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


I thought it was Canadian or something,

Bailiwick are/were Canadian. I don’t know anything about "Angie’s Ghost" but that’s a freakin’ Canadian mustache if I’ve ever seen one.
posted by bongo_x at 11:00 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm from the South, we certainly didn't have any of these weirdo combo-utensils there!

Well, no, not in the south. It's more of a Utica utensil.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:04 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh man I loved those crazy tie-dye-colored Utica sporks.

It was like seeing the aurora borealis localized entirely within a utensil.
posted by griphus at 11:06 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Well, Big Fat Criminal clearly calls it "Zim Zam" in Robbin' and Snackin', so obviously that's what the cool kids went with.
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:12 AM on November 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


Oh man I just remembered this:

So everyone knows that whole Garfield/Ghostbusters voice acting loop, right? Where Garfield was voiced by Lorenzo Music, who also voiced Peter Venkman in The Real Ghostbusters, who was played by Bill Murray in the movie, and Bill Murray also voiced Garfield in the big-screen Garfield movie.

So get this: Sydney Runyard, who played Uncle Mac on Darling It's Over also did a lot of voicework before he retired. One of his most popular characters was, of course, the animated incarnation Chaz Casper because Casper already had his daytime talk show at that point and wasn't doing kid's stuff anymore.

Now get this: back in '87, Casper had a small part on a Saturday-morning sitcom called Hey, Guys! as a character named Cousin Steve. The show got cancelled after airing only three episodes, but you can probably torrent the rest. Anyway, Hey, Guys! was re-tooled by the network into Darling It's Over and Cousin Steve was turned into a character named Uncle Mac, played in the pilot by an actor I can't recall but in the rest of the series by Sydney Rudyard.

But it doesn't end there. If you've been following the news recently, Sydney Runyard announced he is coming out of retirement to play, you know it, Chaz Casper for a TV biopic. Hell, if I was a little more suspicious, I'd say this whole Buzzfeed article is just guerilla marketing for that.
posted by griphus at 11:22 AM on November 22, 2013 [9 favorites]


"Big Fat Criminal"

Oh snap that was my shit.

"Zim zam is my jim jam Sam
Slam another burst, cook another pan,
Canned yams my moms made
like Kool Aid busting through the wall,
Time to get paid."
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:26 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


"Big Fat Criminal / shysty like a bonky box
Uncle Mac to my daddy / now hoist up your honky sox

Cheesy punk / your dream gems are bullshit
Smiley tan sagging like a Junkytown ballpit

Pile them shoes on / do i gotta choose one
I'd choose to bruise like a Bravestarr bloopgun.

Your hoopdy a scrumpybuddy / front-monk frumpy
even ya butterdrops chunky / I want to die"
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:40 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


Good to see Crab Hatters getting some love.

Holy shit, I haven't thought about Crab Hatters in years. I'm honestly surprised the domain lapsed; you'd think someone would've at least put up a bunch of ads on the old domain or something.

Although to be fair, I did go through a bunch of the old archives a while back, and there's a hell of a lot more lol-crab-sissies jokes than I remembered. I guess '93 wasn't a particularly culturally-sensitive time.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:47 AM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


Did anybody else's school ban shoe piling because of that weird Scandinavian foot fungus? Or was that just a Pennsylvania thing?
posted by Mchelly at 11:49 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


The Bonky Box was a flawed classic. Like a semi-analogue pre-internet-age Sidekick. I think it had some ridiculously low-baud-rate modem coupled to a walkie-talkie-style radio. The range wasn't great, but surprisingly good (I guess it was easier to send bits than voice at the legal maximum power of one of those devices). Though why did they make it run on a single AA battery, which was inevitably dead within a few days if you didn't switch it off between use.
posted by acb at 11:57 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Did anybody else's school ban shoe piling because of that weird Scandinavian foot fungus? Or was that just a Pennsylvania thing?

Well, at Barrows, they didn't have to ban it, because the ringleaders eventually moved up to middle school, and this was the late 90s, so we were on the tail end of the trend anyway.

That reminds me: In middle school, we learned that the Joshua Eaton and Killam kids had been calling it "scratch" instead of "scrap," which is what we had called it. Never heard "skrids," though, even from the Wakefield kid whose family moved to Reading. Maybe it's a regional thing.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:57 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


I guess '93 wasn't a particularly culturally-sensitive time.

Neither was '98/'99. In fourth or fifth grade, this one kid Ryan - he was really, really into Pokemon cards - wore what we would now call a front monk, but which we all called a Buddha belly.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:59 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Did anybody else's school ban shoe piling because of that weird Scandinavian foot fungus?

Yeah. It turned out to be an urban legend, just like those "warnings" about dealers distributing LSD stickers, gangs riding around wtih their lights off and shooting people who flash their lights at them, and Red-9 dye in Zam Zam giving people incurable "zam eye."
posted by griphus at 12:00 PM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


and Red-9 dye in Zam Zam giving people incurable "zam eye."

This is, of course, why you could never find raspberry -- there was a media panic, and a lot of stores pulled it from their shelves. It's also why the white strawberry flavor was introduced. The more you know!
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:03 PM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


What was that cheap fake Zam they sold in 7-11? With the chunks?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:18 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


He forgot Mornington Crescent.
posted by brentajones at 12:21 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


""Zim zam is my jim jam Sam"

Y'all are so white — Zim zams were lemon-flavored condoms, his "jimmy jams."
posted by klangklangston at 12:21 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


What was that cheap fake Zam they sold in 7-11? With the chunks?

Man, I can't even remember the name, but that stuff was horrible. Ryan was the only kid at Barrows who drank it and liked it.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:24 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Zim zams were lemon-flavored condoms, his "jimmy jams."

what

Dude he was DRESSED like the ZAM TikiWarrior in the video, thats why when he says Kool Aid in the next line Dougy Poundsniffer comes through the door dressed like Kool Aid and does his hype man line "Sniff a Pound Of This"

Somebody didn't watch the Hella Hop Show on ZZTV enough lol
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:27 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


Shit, man, Hella Hop censored everything. ZZTV was Canadian!
posted by klangklangston at 12:47 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Just clicked on oneswellfoop's link... 13 Potatoes that look like Channing Tatum? Internet, I want to marry you.
posted by Mchelly at 12:55 PM on November 22, 2013


Oh that fucking "Commodore" catch phrase. Every unfunny nerd I knew was constantly shouting that for what, a year? Two years? SO tedious...

(Kari Wuhrer was surprisingly funny on that show though.)
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:17 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


What was that cheap fake Zam they sold in 7-11? With the chunks?

Dude, that was just chili for the nachos. I'm ashamed that I played that prank on a few of my younger sister's friends when I was home from college... no, really, it's like Zam Zam! Everybody does this in college!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:37 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I love how they put one recognizable thing on the list (obviously the Commodore one from "That's So Captain!") so you end up questioning yourself when you don't recognize anything else.

"Where was I when these were popular?"
"Is this a Canadian/Australian/European thing?"
"So this is what I missed when I was in that coma from drinking Zam Zams and dream gems on a dare!"

seriously, this is the best thread ever. only 90's kids will get this.
posted by littlesq at 1:44 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I was in university in the '90s, but my little brother was obsessed with Bailiwick. We grew up in Canada, so we got them earlier than a lot of people. I tried to tell him that the only reason they were on the air was CanCon regulations, but he wouldn't hear it.

Of course, I was listening to things like Antonio's Nightmare, Mucilage, Cactus Pants, and Sounds of the Aural Boot Buckle at the time, so I really shouldn't talk.

Big Fat Criminal was a lot of people's first exposure to real hip hop up here. Before that, we just had things like The Barrie Brothers or Les Cousins Gordon.

Of course, it was still better than the sorts of things our parents were listening to.



Also, they totally used the wrong image for Zam Zam. By the '90s you could get it in 350ml cans, and they had the solid-color graphic. Trust me, Zam Zam got me through a lot of all-nighters.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:58 PM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


i think you guys made all this stuff up
posted by elizardbits at 2:00 PM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


im mad
posted by elizardbits at 2:01 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


*old
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:06 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]




Big Fat Criminal was a lot of people's first exposure to real hip hop up here. Before that, we just had things like The Barrie Brothers or Les Cousins Gordon.

Les Cousins Gordon, the 80’s French Canadian/Cajun/Spoken Word/Performance Art collective? I don’t know if I’d call that Hip-Hop at all...
posted by bongo_x at 4:21 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Actually, I have a recollection of something very much like the Bonky Box existing under another name back in the 19A0s. Anyone remember what it was called?
posted by acb at 5:59 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ugh, every single one of my nieces and nephews begged me to get them one of those damn Bonky Boxes. Just to mess with them I'd say, "You mean Binky Boxes?" "What, Bunky Boxes?" "Now, why on earth do you want a Balki Barto... kolo... domo..., whatever the heck his name is, Box? What would you do with that? And it's such a crappy show!"

For Christmas that year, they each got a pair of white tube socks.
posted by droplet at 6:26 PM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh my god, is this a list of amazing 90s things, or a list of things from the 90s that should be sealed away forever? I guess it's true; every decade has its stupid. I had totally forgotten about Dream Gems. If you had a little sister in New York during the early 90s, you had a DG infestation. The strange thing is that it seemed like every girl got REALLY into DGs for about two or three months, only to suddenly turn her back on it forever. And different girls went through this phase at different times. A few girls who my sister hung out with, however, had a strange lingering obsession with the whole thing into early high school, even getting into that whole weird "Shadow-Haven" thing. Nice girls, if a bit odd.
posted by Edgewise at 3:57 AM on November 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


Actually, I have a recollection of something very much like the Bonky Box existing under another name back in the 19A0s. Anyone remember what it was called?

There were quite a few knock offs, and they were usually pretty brazen about it by having their own alliterative names like the Ping Pad (which was actually better than the original, if I have to be honest).
posted by Edgewise at 4:13 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Did you guys catch that weird Nickelodeon concert where they had, like, Chip Henry, Lisa Laughs and Ground Wire playing with the Bonky Boxes in the streets and they called it, like, Bonky Bronx or something? I think some of the actors from Kids LLC showed up too.
posted by klangklangston at 11:40 AM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


There was that question on Ask MeFi about musicians who had self-titled songs on self-titled albums, and Caprice was mentioned with his follow-up to "Crime Wave." I don't know if it should've counted though since he only says his name once, going into that cheesy metal guitar solo.

I remember Weird Al saying on Behind the Music that Caprice refused permission for the longest time to allow a parody, but relented when his kids, grandmother, and parole officer finally convinced him to. But by then it was too late, as Caprice fell deep into obscurity, which didn't help Al's hilarious ode to pants, "Capris."
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 12:15 PM on November 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


Man, Kids LLC was pretty weird, but a friend of mine from university got a bunch of tapes of the German show it was based on, Kinder GmbH. Now that was pretty damn strange. Occasionally we'd get high and watch it in the dorms (although mostly we'd just get high and sit around playing Radioactive Racers or Wendel Clark Pro Hockey on the SNES).
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:34 PM on November 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Ok, I'm 25 and Canadian. I think I remember shoe piling vaguely, and I've hard of (but never seen) sporks. Nothing else on that list at all.

Things I do remember; pogs, devil sticks, pokemon and digimon cards, furbies, tamogatchis.
posted by Canageek at 5:00 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Things I do remember; pogs, devil sticks, pokemon and digimon cards, furbies, tamogatchis.

Born '88, American. I recognize Pokemon, but what the fuck is any of the rest
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:04 PM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


[mushmouth]Youba know, furbies? Theyba dress in furba subuits.[/mushmouth]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:44 PM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


And not a single Battletoad!
posted by Evilspork at 6:29 PM on November 23, 2013


For the confused latecomers: hover for spoiler.
posted by JHarris at 12:34 AM on November 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well, as they say, "The past is another country. And so is Switzerland."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:21 AM on November 24, 2013


Rustic Etruscan: Pogs were collectible paper and plastic coins that had a game assosiated with them, where you had to flip them over with other coins. Furbies are these little furred robots that could speak words as you played with them. I forget it they learned words and spoke them back, or just added words from a list. Digimon was a TV show that was based on a little Japanese electronic toy. tamagotchis were another little electronic toy, the first digital pet type of thing.
posted by Canageek at 11:49 AM on November 24, 2013


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