Turduckens, Cockentrices and Helmeted Cocks

November 26, 2013 7:43 PM

If you think turduckens are just too easy: Things inside things. Things on top of other things. Things that look like things. Things that do tricks, and other subtleties.
posted by Joe in Australia (21 comments total)

Gentlemen, I have bad news, this room is surrounded by film.
posted by Reverend John at 8:04 PM on November 26, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't eat any of those.
posted by Jacob Knitig at 8:07 PM on November 26, 2013

In honor of Thanksgivukkah, I'm making a turflanken: latkes inside brisket inside turkey. Boom.
posted by ericbop at 8:10 PM on November 26, 2013 [7 favorites]

Honestly, turduckens are easy. It's deboning the birds in the first place that is a billion pains in the ass.
posted by kafziel at 8:18 PM on November 26, 2013

Huh, I would have said all of them were helmeted.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 8:21 PM on November 26, 2013

No, not the ones for Thanksgivukkah.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:36 PM on November 26, 2013 [4 favorites]

wherefore you take him away, and set him on the table to your guests, who will cry as you pull off his parts. And you shall eat him up before he is dead.

I don't cry a lot, but I think I'd react pretty poorly to being served a live roasted goose.
posted by pompomtom at 8:46 PM on November 26, 2013 [1 favorite]

And for dessert? Cherpumple, of course.
posted by queensissy at 9:52 PM on November 26, 2013

Don't want helmeted cocks? How about cock helmets? (Warning: Not remotely edible)
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:56 PM on November 26, 2013

Making turkducken?
posted by HMSSM at 10:07 PM on November 26, 2013

I do not eat or prepare stunt food
posted by thelonius at 12:16 AM on November 27, 2013 [2 favorites]

Fake Ricotta. Get a pound of almonds, blanch them - that is, let them steep a night so that their skins will come off more neatly - and grind them up; then get four ounces of sugar, one ounce of rosewater, half a beaker of fish broth - that is, of pike or good tench - distemper everything together and strain it finely; place this mixture into a mold like those carried by peddlers who cry out, "Ricotta! Ricotta!"; when you have put the mixture into the mold, put it in a cool place in the evening for the following morning, then dump it out on a trencher board, not forgetting the garnish of sugar, rosewater and candied aniseed.
posted by threeants at 1:01 AM on November 27, 2013

Because nothing says ricotta like almond milk and fish broth!
posted by threeants at 1:01 AM on November 27, 2013 [1 favorite]

My god that cockentrice is terrifying.
posted by Dr. Zachary Smith at 4:18 AM on November 27, 2013

...aaaaand now I'm hungry.
posted by regularfry at 4:36 AM on November 27, 2013

Gentlemen, I have bad news, this room is surrounded by film.

I see what you did there.
posted by popaopee at 6:13 AM on November 27, 2013 [1 favorite]

Fake Ricotta. Get a pound of almonds, blanch them - that is, let them steep a night so that their skins will come off more neatly - and grind them up; then get four ounces of sugar, one ounce of rosewater, half a beaker of fish broth - that is, of pike or good tench - distemper everything together and strain it finely;

Also, Fake Gefilte Fish!

Nice post, Doctor Moreau Joe in Australia.
posted by Room 641-A at 8:31 AM on November 27, 2013

Turducken is one of the most overrated foodstuffs imaginable.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:28 PM on November 27, 2013

This reminds me of a story, and it's not one of those stories, as you'll see in a minute. A friend of mine was walking along when he saw a line of people attempting to enter a barbecue joint, each one holding a chicken. Well, he was surprised and intrigued, and sought to gain entry, but he could see that he'd need a chicken to fit in with the crowd. Well, he was in a farming area, and a good thing too because in a few minutes he found someone selling chickens and he asked the dealer to give him the largest rooster he had. And that's the word he used, rooster, because this isn't one of those stories, and the dealer gave him a very fine rooster indeed. Well, my friend went back to the burger joint, with the rooster under his arm, and tried to enter. The man at the door said, excuse me sir, this is a private function, and barred his way. What, my friend said, and I've got one of these and everything, producing his rooster (because it still isn't one of those stories). Yes, the attendant said, that's a very fine rooster, but this is a Thanksgivukkah meal and the rabbi's here, and I can't let you in without a capon.

True story,¹ and a lot cleaner than you'd expect.

¹ Not actually a true story.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:46 AM on November 28, 2013

The warnings on the last link are horrifying and enlightening all at the same time.

WARNING: modern harp strings are synthetic & inedible, and also will not react to heat as described in this recipe. Medieval harps would have used strings made of organic material.

WARNING: Do not attempt to recreate this recipe, as lime is highly caustic and potentially dangerous; it should never be used in cooking.

GOOD TO KNOW. Geez, food from the Middle Ages. Like the plague wasn't deadly enough?
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:52 PM on November 30, 2013 [1 favorite]

The most frightening one is To Make That Chicken Sing When It Is Dead And Roasted. I'm not sure what evaporates to make that chicken "sing", but if it involves mercury it's undoubtedly toxic.
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:37 PM on November 30, 2013 [1 favorite]