There’s a Reason They Call Them ‘Crazy Ants’
December 10, 2013 10:01 AM Subscribe
“They literally come in waves of just millions." Crazy ants are infecting Texas. (Single link NY Times Magazine)
“The distressing part,” he told me, “is having the feeling of something always crawling on you. Like, if you get around somebody who has lice, and now you’re always itching because you know they have lice.”
“So it’s psychological,” I said.
“It’s psychological,” he said. “And yet, you actually do have them on you.”
my back is itchy.
posted by Kabanos at 10:11 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
“So it’s psychological,” I said.
“It’s psychological,” he said. “And yet, you actually do have them on you.”
my back is itchy.
posted by Kabanos at 10:11 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I am against this.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 10:12 AM on December 10, 2013 [15 favorites]
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 10:12 AM on December 10, 2013 [15 favorites]
There is a word for this, and that word is Nope.
posted by Mooski at 10:13 AM on December 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Mooski at 10:13 AM on December 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
He can’t fathom what the ants want — why they’ve come. They are frightening because they make no sense, because of the utter disarray of their existence. “They run around the floors like they’re on crack, and then they die,” he said. “They’re freakin’ crazy, man.”
I am reading this in Herzog's voice. It is wonderful.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:13 AM on December 10, 2013 [36 favorites]
I am reading this in Herzog's voice. It is wonderful.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:13 AM on December 10, 2013 [36 favorites]
NOPE NOPE NOPE not clicking on that you can't make me LALALALA THERE ARE NO ANTS HERE LALALALA
posted by Etrigan at 10:13 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 10:13 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Um, yeah. There's a click I wish I could take back...
posted by Windopaene at 10:14 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by Windopaene at 10:14 AM on December 10, 2013
Surely this...
posted by fleetmouse at 10:15 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by fleetmouse at 10:15 AM on December 10, 2013
Glad I clicked that, because I didn't want to ever sleep again.
posted by dotgirl at 10:17 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by dotgirl at 10:17 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Well, they can't nuke Texas from space so I guess they'll just have to break out the napalm.
But seriously, if these ever get all the way North to New York/Maine, I'm out.
posted by Slackermagee at 10:18 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
But seriously, if these ever get all the way North to New York/Maine, I'm out.
posted by Slackermagee at 10:18 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
To be fair, if I was a colony of ants, I would really want to pester a guy called Mike the Hog-a-Nator. I could probably even get the javelinas to pay me for the deed.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:19 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:19 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Hmm. Gelatinous cubes, maybe?
posted by clockzero at 10:19 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by clockzero at 10:19 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Wow. And here I thought Argentine ants in California were bad.
posted by m@f at 10:20 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by m@f at 10:20 AM on December 10, 2013
In the end, the government didn’t respond as quickly or determinedly as he expected.
Imagine that. After several decades of Southerners voting to starve the government, it doesn't work as quickly or determinedly as he expected.
posted by goethean at 10:22 AM on December 10, 2013 [25 favorites]
Imagine that. After several decades of Southerners voting to starve the government, it doesn't work as quickly or determinedly as he expected.
posted by goethean at 10:22 AM on December 10, 2013 [25 favorites]
The first paragraph sounds like the beginning of the worst dystopian novel ever, set in a far distant future where last names have disappeared, and Hog-A-Nator is a position of honor among the roaming tribes of the concrete deserts.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:23 AM on December 10, 2013 [39 favorites]
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:23 AM on December 10, 2013 [39 favorites]
item, we have argentinian ants here in the SF Bay Area, and while they don't build up to the same numbers as the crazy ants, they do have some of the same behaviors. In particular, they will mass on any food source in huge, huge numbers, and if disturbed run around in frantic boiling movements, including crawling on to whatever disturbed them. And it really hits some deep down freak out spot. I _like_ ants, and I still squeak and frantically dump things in water or fling them outside. If that sort of thing was happening every day, I could easily imagine some sort of PTSD building up.
posted by tavella at 10:24 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by tavella at 10:24 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
I guess they'll have to redo all those lists that present us with the Ten Ways We Might All Die (meteors, pandemics, nukes etc.). Now it's Eleven Ways...
posted by kozad at 10:24 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by kozad at 10:24 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
The first paragraph sounds like the beginning of the worst dystopian novel ever, set in a far distant future where last names have disappeared, and Hog-A-Nator is a position of honor among the roaming tribes of the concrete deserts.Well it is Texas.
posted by Flunkie at 10:25 AM on December 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
Entomologists report that the crazy ants, like other ants, seem drawn to electronic devices — car stereos, circuit boxes, machinery. But with crazy ants, so many will stream inside a device that they form a single, squirming mass that completes a circuit and shorts it. Crazy ants have ruined laptops this way and, according to one exterminator, have also temporarily shut down chemical plants.
What? No! WHAT?
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:25 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
What? No! WHAT?
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:25 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
I am now okay with it being seven below last night and four below tonight.
posted by echo target at 10:25 AM on December 10, 2013 [12 favorites]
posted by echo target at 10:25 AM on December 10, 2013 [12 favorites]
In South America, where scientists now believe the ants originated, they have been known to obstruct the nasal cavities of chickens and asphyxiate the birds.
Horror movie about murderous ant hoards please
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:26 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Horror movie about murderous ant hoards please
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:26 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
There’s a Reason They Call Them ‘Crazy Ants’
If a bacterium - minding it's own business in a petri dish, then suddenly being splashed with various annoying but ineffective compounds by a frustrated researcher in a desperate bid to find what kills it - could talk, it might indeed call them crazy too.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:27 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
If a bacterium - minding it's own business in a petri dish, then suddenly being splashed with various annoying but ineffective compounds by a frustrated researcher in a desperate bid to find what kills it - could talk, it might indeed call them crazy too.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:27 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
if anybody needs me I'm moving to the moon
posted by The Whelk at 10:27 AM on December 10, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 10:27 AM on December 10, 2013 [8 favorites]
Crazy ants have ruined laptops this way and, according to one exterminator, have also temporarily shut down chemical plants.
I'd just like to draw everyone's attention to the bolded section.
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a creepy frantic scurrying.
posted by Myca at 10:27 AM on December 10, 2013 [9 favorites]
I'd just like to draw everyone's attention to the bolded section.
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a creepy frantic scurrying.
posted by Myca at 10:27 AM on December 10, 2013 [9 favorites]
This is wonderfully written.
posted by penduluum at 10:28 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by penduluum at 10:28 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
“There were literally billions of them,”
Everything is bigger in Texas, even infestations.
posted by asra at 10:28 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Everything is bigger in Texas, even infestations.
posted by asra at 10:28 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Tom Rasberry featured on the Texas County Reporter (2010):
"I've had customers call that are actually filling up an entire vacuum cleaner bag every single day of the week… Full of dead ants. And live ants."
posted by Kabanos at 10:28 AM on December 10, 2013
"I've had customers call that are actually filling up an entire vacuum cleaner bag every single day of the week… Full of dead ants. And live ants."
posted by Kabanos at 10:28 AM on December 10, 2013
So this combined with the mass squirrel migrations in Georgia has me pretty well convinced that we're looking at the end times here.
posted by invitapriore at 10:30 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by invitapriore at 10:30 AM on December 10, 2013
Horror movie about murderous ant hoards please
It was probably done, in the late 70's era of Jaws-inspired creature films
posted by thelonius at 10:33 AM on December 10, 2013
It was probably done, in the late 70's era of Jaws-inspired creature films
posted by thelonius at 10:33 AM on December 10, 2013
Between this and the recent-ish thread about nuclear reactors temporarily shutting down because jellyfish were flooding their seawater intake valves, I'm pretty sure the other four kingdoms are slowly rising up against us.
posted by skycrashesdown at 10:34 AM on December 10, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by skycrashesdown at 10:34 AM on December 10, 2013 [7 favorites]
@showbiz_liz I KNOW.
I did not know that about ants. I think I did not want to know that about ants.
posted by insufficient data at 10:35 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I did not know that about ants. I think I did not want to know that about ants.
posted by insufficient data at 10:35 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
In a warehouse far away, in a bureau's bottom drawer, the crazypants shift. They sense their natural friends. They prepare their move.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:40 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:40 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
with crazy ants, so many will stream inside a device that they form a single, squirming mass that completes a circuit and shorts it
This is the way the world ends
naw guys it's all cool it's just a phase
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:40 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
This is the way the world ends
naw guys it's all cool it's just a phase
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:40 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
Horror movie about murderous ant hoards please
ISTR one where a scientist couple were trapped in by ants who were doing ant-y things like forming bridges over trenches, and in the end the couple just became ants and were happy in the new way of things because humans suck. May be mixing two movies together..
posted by bleep-blop at 10:41 AM on December 10, 2013
ISTR one where a scientist couple were trapped in by ants who were doing ant-y things like forming bridges over trenches, and in the end the couple just became ants and were happy in the new way of things because humans suck. May be mixing two movies together..
posted by bleep-blop at 10:41 AM on December 10, 2013
TLDR. Fortunately, Salon is republishing the New York Times Magazine in digest form, one article at a time.
posted by eisenkrote at 10:45 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by eisenkrote at 10:45 AM on December 10, 2013
ISTR one where a scientist couple were trapped in by ants
You're referring to the fantastic and misunderstood Phase IV, a scene from which I linked to above.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
You're referring to the fantastic and misunderstood Phase IV, a scene from which I linked to above.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
Alex Wild notes the taxonomic part of this story isn't quite right (or fair.) Stay for the comments where several other entomologists chime in.
posted by R343L at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by R343L at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
Can we pit them against the Africanized bees?
posted by Sequence at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Sequence at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm reminded of the classic story Leiningen versus the Ants. Very similar descriptions of the ants, once the narrator realizes their omnipresence.
Also, Pearland is just a short ride south on the 288 from me (meet up at my place! Guys, guys, where did everybody go?) but thankfully I've never seen these ants. I wonder if they're still pretty concentrated in the areas they do infect or what? Odds are good the medical center in the article is very close to where I live so this is relevant to my interests, as they say.
posted by librarylis at 10:48 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, Pearland is just a short ride south on the 288 from me (meet up at my place! Guys, guys, where did everybody go?) but thankfully I've never seen these ants. I wonder if they're still pretty concentrated in the areas they do infect or what? Odds are good the medical center in the article is very close to where I live so this is relevant to my interests, as they say.
posted by librarylis at 10:48 AM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I read this article a few days ago.
That was an enormous mistake.
posted by yasaman at 10:49 AM on December 10, 2013
That was an enormous mistake.
posted by yasaman at 10:49 AM on December 10, 2013
showbiz_liz: "Horror movie about murderous ant hoards please"
Empire of the Ants. It's not very good, but the original H.G. Wells short story is quite good. The conclusion is chilling, and rather apposite.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:50 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Empire of the Ants. It's not very good, but the original H.G. Wells short story is quite good. The conclusion is chilling, and rather apposite.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:50 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Okay, we get an analyst's couch, a really big analyst's couch, and we talk to them, ask them about their dreams, their ambitions and mothers. Then we step on them.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:51 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:51 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
I, for one, do NOT welcome our Ant Overlords.
posted by Kitteh at 10:53 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Kitteh at 10:53 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
it is not the cockroaches that will inherit the earth. it will be the ants.
posted by lapolla at 10:54 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by lapolla at 10:54 AM on December 10, 2013
...and the only thing wrong with Phase IV (one of my favorite movies) is that the ants are directed by an alien intelligence from outer space. we all know that they're gonna figure it out on their own.
posted by lapolla at 10:56 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by lapolla at 10:56 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
lapolla: "it is not the cockroaches that will inherit the earth. it will be the ants."
Oh, then you want Clifford D. Simak's City. Or Nelson Bond's "The Voice From the Cube."
posted by Chrysostom at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Oh, then you want Clifford D. Simak's City. Or Nelson Bond's "The Voice From the Cube."
posted by Chrysostom at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
We still have those flamethrower tanks from WW2 kicking around somewhere, right? I'm moving in to one.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Crazy ants showed up here on Vancouver Island in Victoria (north of Seattle) last summer.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:05 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by KokuRyu at 11:05 AM on December 10, 2013
TLDR
TMA;DR (too many ants; didn't read)
posted by ilana at 11:05 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
TMA;DR (too many ants; didn't read)
posted by ilana at 11:05 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
In more serious terms, I kind of wonder when the last time most of the affected people in Texas, probably including Tom Rasberry, voted for a politician who would have been in favor of increasing the budget for federal regulators and federal funding of science research for this sort of thing. There's a lot of railing about not enough being done, like this is a reason that the establishment is incompetent, but no acknowledgment that there need to be resources for stuff like that to happen.
posted by Sequence at 11:07 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Sequence at 11:07 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
it is not the cockroaches that will inherit the earth. it will be the ants.
Inherit? They're already 15-20 percent of the terrestrial animal biomass, which is more than vertebrates. This is Antworld; they just let us walk around on it.
posted by Etrigan at 11:08 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
Inherit? They're already 15-20 percent of the terrestrial animal biomass, which is more than vertebrates. This is Antworld; they just let us walk around on it.
posted by Etrigan at 11:08 AM on December 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
I don't understand why they don't just weaponize anteaters.
posted by elizardbits at 11:10 AM on December 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 11:10 AM on December 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
What does it take to make an ant queen sterile?
posted by hat_eater at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by hat_eater at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Crazy ants showed up here on Vancouver Island in Victoria (north of Seattle) last summer.
Yeah, a block away from my house on Oak Bay. No sign so far. Hoping this cold weather killed the bastards. I have been preparing perimeter defenses.
posted by jimmythefish at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, a block away from my house on Oak Bay. No sign so far. Hoping this cold weather killed the bastards. I have been preparing perimeter defenses.
posted by jimmythefish at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
> I don't know that the ants are the only crazies in this weirdly overwritten story.
I was betting there would be a pointless attack within the first three comments, and I was wrong: it took four. This is not a "weirdly overwritten story" unless your only standard for writing is the Encyclopaedia Britannica; it is a brilliantly written story that does a great job of conveying the hilarious awfulness, or awful hilarity, of this situation. It's one of the better pieces the Times Sunday Magazine has published lately, and I'm glad to see it here.
posted by languagehat at 11:14 AM on December 10, 2013 [18 favorites]
I was betting there would be a pointless attack within the first three comments, and I was wrong: it took four. This is not a "weirdly overwritten story" unless your only standard for writing is the Encyclopaedia Britannica; it is a brilliantly written story that does a great job of conveying the hilarious awfulness, or awful hilarity, of this situation. It's one of the better pieces the Times Sunday Magazine has published lately, and I'm glad to see it here.
posted by languagehat at 11:14 AM on December 10, 2013 [18 favorites]
Well, they can't nuke Texas from space.....
because????
posted by HuronBob at 11:16 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
because????
posted by HuronBob at 11:16 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I've read it all and I saw only awful awfulness and then more of the same.
posted by hat_eater at 11:16 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by hat_eater at 11:16 AM on December 10, 2013
What does it take to make an ant queen sterile?
Twenty bucks, same as in colony.
posted by Etrigan at 11:18 AM on December 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
Twenty bucks, same as in colony.
posted by Etrigan at 11:18 AM on December 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
This is Texas, no one will support any interference with this Queen's reproductive system.
posted by elizardbits at 11:20 AM on December 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 11:20 AM on December 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
If a bacterium - minding it's own business in a petri dish, then suddenly being splashed with various annoying but ineffective compounds by a frustrated researcher in a desperate bid to find what kills it - could talk, it might indeed call them crazy too.
Yes, I agree, even a sentient bacterium would call these damned ants crazy!
posted by yoink at 11:21 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yes, I agree, even a sentient bacterium would call these damned ants crazy!
posted by yoink at 11:21 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Are these the same as the "Argentinian" ants we get in Southern California, or a definitively different species?
The thing that freaks me out the most about the ants here is that they seem to gravitate towards proteiny things rather than sugary things, like most ants I'm familiar with do.
The sight of ants swarming over a bit of dropped ground beef just reminds me that they could probably eat me in my sleep.
posted by Sara C. at 11:24 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
The thing that freaks me out the most about the ants here is that they seem to gravitate towards proteiny things rather than sugary things, like most ants I'm familiar with do.
The sight of ants swarming over a bit of dropped ground beef just reminds me that they could probably eat me in my sleep.
posted by Sara C. at 11:24 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am now picturing you as some sort of golem made of hamburger.
posted by elizardbits at 11:25 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 11:25 AM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Sometimes one just has to leave a trail of bacon grease leading into the neighbor's house.
Let them call you a quisling. While they still can.
posted by delfin at 11:26 AM on December 10, 2013
Let them call you a quisling. While they still can.
posted by delfin at 11:26 AM on December 10, 2013
Inherit? They're already 15-20 percent of the terrestrial animal biomass, which is more than vertebrates. This is Antworld; they just let us walk around on it.
posted by Etrigan
Kind of you to notice.
posted by workerant at 11:31 AM on December 10, 2013 [18 favorites]
posted by Etrigan
Kind of you to notice.
posted by workerant at 11:31 AM on December 10, 2013 [18 favorites]
some sort of golem made of hamburger
Rob Ford?
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 11:31 AM on December 10, 2013 [10 favorites]
Rob Ford?
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 11:31 AM on December 10, 2013 [10 favorites]
I Google "crazy ants", and my 5th hit is The Austin Statesman telling me they've reached Travis county. They can't survive the occasional freezing temperatures this far from the coast, but apparently that's fine because they've adapted to start migrating indoors for the winter.
posted by roystgnr at 11:34 AM on December 10, 2013
posted by roystgnr at 11:34 AM on December 10, 2013
I am now picturing you as some sort of golem made of hamburger.
Dammit you're on to me.
*Hangs minced head in shame*
posted by Sara C. at 11:37 AM on December 10, 2013
Dammit you're on to me.
*Hangs minced head in shame*
posted by Sara C. at 11:37 AM on December 10, 2013
"The ants are called crazy ants. That’s their actual name. Many people call them Rasberry crazy ants, and some people call them Tawny crazy ants and refuse to call them Rasberry crazy ants. The enmity between these people, I found, can be extraordinary."
This article just went into my top ten.
posted by Auguris at 11:40 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
This article just went into my top ten.
posted by Auguris at 11:40 AM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
HuronBob: "Well, they can't nuke Texas from space.....
because????"
Because that's a shitty thing to want?
FFS, I'm not from Texas, don't live in Texas, and think the Texas state government and voting populace suffer from an infestation of dangerous and/or dumb assholes, but the LOLTexan sneering grates on my nerves.
posted by desuetude at 11:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [9 favorites]
because????"
Because that's a shitty thing to want?
FFS, I'm not from Texas, don't live in Texas, and think the Texas state government and voting populace suffer from an infestation of dangerous and/or dumb assholes, but the LOLTexan sneering grates on my nerves.
posted by desuetude at 11:47 AM on December 10, 2013 [9 favorites]
Each winter I get annoyed that I live in a place (Virginia) that gets cold during the winter and then something like this comes along to make me thankful that it is inhospitably cold outside. We need a yearly frost to keep these things at bay.
posted by dgran at 11:53 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by dgran at 11:53 AM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Horror movie about murderous ant hoards please
It was probably done, in the late 70's era of Jaws-inspired creature films
Oh, long before that.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:02 PM on December 10, 2013
It was probably done, in the late 70's era of Jaws-inspired creature films
Oh, long before that.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:02 PM on December 10, 2013
I live in the general area the article is referring to, and I'm currently freaking the fuck out.
I mean, I already knew about crazy ants? But I've never seen any or met anyone with an infestation, and now I'm convinced it's only a matter of time - a year, maybe two at most - before my house and electronics are infested and they're fucking crawling all over me over the piles of their own dead and the suburbs are a vast wasteland of abandoned houses and those pathetic souls unable to escape....
*gibbers in horror*
Someone give me some good news?
posted by Salieri at 12:08 PM on December 10, 2013
I mean, I already knew about crazy ants? But I've never seen any or met anyone with an infestation, and now I'm convinced it's only a matter of time - a year, maybe two at most - before my house and electronics are infested and they're fucking crawling all over me over the piles of their own dead and the suburbs are a vast wasteland of abandoned houses and those pathetic souls unable to escape....
*gibbers in horror*
Someone give me some good news?
posted by Salieri at 12:08 PM on December 10, 2013
I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
posted by SlepnerLaw at 12:10 PM on December 10, 2013
posted by SlepnerLaw at 12:10 PM on December 10, 2013
I live in the general area the article is referring to, and I'm currently freaking the fuck out.
I mean, I already knew about crazy ants? But I've never seen any or met anyone with an infestation, and now I'm convinced it's only a matter of time - a year, maybe two at most - before my house and electronics are infested and they're fucking crawling all over me over the piles of their own dead and the suburbs are a vast wasteland of abandoned houses and those pathetic souls unable to escape....
*gibbers in horror*
Someone give me some good news?
The good news is, when they inevitably crawl up your nose and into your brain, you will forget your horror. Forget your worries and cares. Forget everything... except your queen. Your beautiful, beautiful queen.
Don't try to escape. They've disabled your car already.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:14 PM on December 10, 2013 [19 favorites]
I mean, I already knew about crazy ants? But I've never seen any or met anyone with an infestation, and now I'm convinced it's only a matter of time - a year, maybe two at most - before my house and electronics are infested and they're fucking crawling all over me over the piles of their own dead and the suburbs are a vast wasteland of abandoned houses and those pathetic souls unable to escape....
*gibbers in horror*
Someone give me some good news?
The good news is, when they inevitably crawl up your nose and into your brain, you will forget your horror. Forget your worries and cares. Forget everything... except your queen. Your beautiful, beautiful queen.
Don't try to escape. They've disabled your car already.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:14 PM on December 10, 2013 [19 favorites]
Good God, I can't even imagine how people stay sane in the face of this. I had a minor infestation one fall that died off with the first cold snap, and even that drove me to distraction. Forget the AK-47 - I'd probably end up burning my house down. What a nightmare.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:18 PM on December 10, 2013
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:18 PM on December 10, 2013
I saw them first couple of days ago. a little ant on my shaving brush, waving its feelers at me. I washed it in the sink.
But now they are everywhere.
Scurrying ants inside my water can. ants resolutely climbing over the drowning bodies of their comrades to get into the food left for me to eat. ants boiling out of my electric radio as it bursts into smoke when I switch it on.
Finding dead ants in my bed in the morning even when all the four bedposts are standing in bowls of water.
And then I feel that rustle in my ear.
I try to shake my head, jump with my ear to ground but nothing changes.
the faint rustle like the sound of tiny scurrying feet. I cant stop it. It wont go away. that sound.
It seems as if the rustling sounds come from one ear sometimes and then from other. And I get this itch right above my nose, just between my eyebrows. I scratch at it and scratch at it. But, oh God, it doesn't stop.
I can't go to sleep. they are crawling in my bed. And that rustling, scurrying sound.
Oh God! I need something to get them out of my ear. will this needle work?
posted by TheLittlePrince at 12:38 PM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
But now they are everywhere.
Scurrying ants inside my water can. ants resolutely climbing over the drowning bodies of their comrades to get into the food left for me to eat. ants boiling out of my electric radio as it bursts into smoke when I switch it on.
Finding dead ants in my bed in the morning even when all the four bedposts are standing in bowls of water.
And then I feel that rustle in my ear.
I try to shake my head, jump with my ear to ground but nothing changes.
the faint rustle like the sound of tiny scurrying feet. I cant stop it. It wont go away. that sound.
It seems as if the rustling sounds come from one ear sometimes and then from other. And I get this itch right above my nose, just between my eyebrows. I scratch at it and scratch at it. But, oh God, it doesn't stop.
I can't go to sleep. they are crawling in my bed. And that rustling, scurrying sound.
Oh God! I need something to get them out of my ear. will this needle work?
posted by TheLittlePrince at 12:38 PM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
I, for one, do NOT welcome our Ant Overlords.
They have made it clear, in their massed buzzing voices, that they prefer to be called our Ant Underladies. Really, there should be only one Underlady, but those other Queens haven't surrendered yet. But they will, they will.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:43 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
They have made it clear, in their massed buzzing voices, that they prefer to be called our Ant Underladies. Really, there should be only one Underlady, but those other Queens haven't surrendered yet. But they will, they will.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:43 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I saw them first couple of days ago. a little ant on my shaving brush, waving its feelers at me. I washed it in the sink.<pheromone>LARGE WATER SUPPLY DETECTED</pheromone>
But now they are everywhere.
posted by Flunkie at 12:54 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Another, slightly more sobering perspective on this article from the Science side of the house:
Crazy ants, the New York Times, and the failure of Americans to support basic research. The comments are good as well.
posted by rockindata at 12:55 PM on December 10, 2013 [7 favorites]
Crazy ants, the New York Times, and the failure of Americans to support basic research. The comments are good as well.
posted by rockindata at 12:55 PM on December 10, 2013 [7 favorites]
This story is way overblown. There's way more important things to pay attention to.
posted by anthill at 12:57 PM on December 10, 2013 [21 favorites]
posted by anthill at 12:57 PM on December 10, 2013 [21 favorites]
Also I am now obsessed with walking around with an anteater on a leash. Can I dress in Victorian clothes and carry a parasol while I do it like those old ladies walking invisible dogs in Savannah?
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:59 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:59 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
TheLittlePrince: "
Oh God! I need something to get them out of my ear. will this needle work?"
As time passes, the proportion of Metafilter threads that turn into creepypasta approaches 100%.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:00 PM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Oh God! I need something to get them out of my ear. will this needle work?"
As time passes, the proportion of Metafilter threads that turn into creepypasta approaches 100%.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:00 PM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Thanks rockindata. An ant scientist in the comments from your link
posted by spamandkimchi at 1:15 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
So we weren’t a bunch of dithering idiots swarming around debating if we should call this thing rasberry or tawny. Instead we were systematically approaching the problem to place our science on firm ground.
What makes me mad at the NYT article is this: what could have been an informative article about the taxonomic impediment and the biodiversity crisis instead devolved into this strange story about Rasberry being ignored by a bunch of snooty academics. Just cheap sensationalism.
posted by spamandkimchi at 1:15 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
My takeaway was the he got ignored by a vast impersonal bureaucracy, not by the academics. Well, that and ohgodants.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:17 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:17 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Clearly no one read the article to the end because otherwise we would OBVIOUSLY be talking about the solution that they recommended of IMPORTING ANTEATERS AND KEEPING THEM ON LEASHES:
"Would we lead them around on leashes? “And how many do you think we’ll need to import?” he asked her. “A million? Two million?” The woman thought it over. “If that’s what it takes,” she said. "
I've never been a huge Texas fan but if I have to move there to get an anteater on a leash, so be it.
posted by rmless at 1:21 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
"Would we lead them around on leashes? “And how many do you think we’ll need to import?” he asked her. “A million? Two million?” The woman thought it over. “If that’s what it takes,” she said. "
I've never been a huge Texas fan but if I have to move there to get an anteater on a leash, so be it.
posted by rmless at 1:21 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I really enjoyed the article, but it felt thin on the science AND thin on the public policy. Am loving the responses from the science side. Another comment from another ant scientist (emphases added):
As has been amply pointed out, it veered heavily towards the “common man against the egg-head experts” narrative. I put J. Mooallem (the author) in touch some landowners in invaded areas and provided him with discussion on the biology, and history of the ant. (Very little of the biology we discussed made it into the article.) We touched on the common name “controversy” and I had some misgivings that he might be heading down this human interest path. Reading this discussion, perhaps I missed an opportunity to point out the structural flaws in science funding that led to the delay in getting a solid ID. Funding targeted at responding to emerging threats is woefully absent. As far as invasive species go, the larger problem is that there simply are no resources going to research into or control of invasive species at early stages of their invasion. In the best tradition of representative democracy, a problem does not receive financial attention until large numbers of people are raising holy-hell about it. Further, if it is not a species with demonstrated agricultural impacts here in the US, then forget it. This has to change or we will always be playing catch-up.posted by spamandkimchi at 1:22 PM on December 10, 2013 [7 favorites]
That is some Grade A lovecraftian horror right there. Yipes. Like I think I could actually go mad if I saw this in the flesh, so to speak.
Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I shall go and vacuum-seal my house now.
posted by dogheart at 1:39 PM on December 10, 2013
Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I shall go and vacuum-seal my house now.
posted by dogheart at 1:39 PM on December 10, 2013
in this weirdly overwritten story.
From the New York Times MAGAZINE. MAGAZINE. MAGAZINE.
posted by dhartung at 1:44 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
From the New York Times MAGAZINE. MAGAZINE. MAGAZINE.
posted by dhartung at 1:44 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Apparently they know what to do over at Reddit.
This is my ashamed face.
posted by Mooski at 1:47 PM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
This is my ashamed face.
posted by Mooski at 1:47 PM on December 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
"Crazy ants are infecting Texas?" Well Texas is a big place, what are the chances that it'll be happening here in my backyard in Houston?
Oh, really high you say? Shit.
posted by DynamiteToast at 1:58 PM on December 10, 2013
Oh, really high you say? Shit.
posted by DynamiteToast at 1:58 PM on December 10, 2013
Well, reptiles had their turn running the joint, then mammals...it's only fair that insects should get their turn.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:10 PM on December 10, 2013
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:10 PM on December 10, 2013
If you live in New England and are looking for a new hobby, pick up a copy of "A Field Guide to Ants of New England" and a microscope or strong magnifying glass because you can't actually identify species without counting tiny hairs, or tiny holes, or assessing the shape of parts of it's thorax.
posted by ennui.bz at 2:10 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ennui.bz at 2:10 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Eponysterical there, ennui.bz
posted by Chrysostom at 2:36 PM on December 10, 2013
posted by Chrysostom at 2:36 PM on December 10, 2013
Heh. There's a short story I started on a while back, and sort of lost interest in, but the following extract seems apropos:
"...and the ants seethed over themselves, teeming from invisible fissures in the earth, their agglomeration sounding like a forest fire just over the horizon, millions upon millions clambering into two twisting pillars some distance apart. At a height of sixty feet the two towers slowly bowed inwards towards one another, eventually joining to create an enormous pulsating crackling arch. Then, the ants began to rain down from the intrados of the formican arch, creating a sparkling black waterfall, a living curtain. The curtain then parted, and something stepped through..."
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:45 PM on December 10, 2013
"...and the ants seethed over themselves, teeming from invisible fissures in the earth, their agglomeration sounding like a forest fire just over the horizon, millions upon millions clambering into two twisting pillars some distance apart. At a height of sixty feet the two towers slowly bowed inwards towards one another, eventually joining to create an enormous pulsating crackling arch. Then, the ants began to rain down from the intrados of the formican arch, creating a sparkling black waterfall, a living curtain. The curtain then parted, and something stepped through..."
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:45 PM on December 10, 2013
...temporarily shut down chemical plants...
They made a movie warning us about this... and we mocked it.
posted by Evilspork at 3:20 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
They made a movie warning us about this... and we mocked it.
posted by Evilspork at 3:20 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Is it just me, or does this sound like a job for some crazy-ant targeted Cordyceps?
posted by Blackanvil at 3:33 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Blackanvil at 3:33 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I thought the middle part of the article addressed—albeit in somewhat "folksy" raconteur's typographical drawl—the problem of a dozen or so underfunded federal agencies that are too informationally distant from each other to protect US soil and ecosystems from the threats posed by emerging invasive species. So, to me, the anger of a few entomologists taking issue with Jon Mooallem's style seems the product of constrained reading comprehension.
Here are two relevant passages.
There was one part that bugged me about the article, and it was the mention of other frightening invasive species.
posted by mistersquid at 3:38 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Here are two relevant passages.
This meeting took place on Oct. 9, 2008, just as the American economy was crumbling. Six days earlier, President Bush signed over $700 billion to the new Troubled Asset Relief Program. “I don’t think the federal government had a lot of money to spend on bugs,” one task-force participant remembered. In fact, very quickly, the conversation foundered in a maddening Catch-22: the government preferred not to release any money to research or combat the crazy ants until it knew what species it was dealing with. The scientists insisted that they need- ed funding to figure that out.So, yeah, sorry entomologists who hoped for an article-shrine to their hampered powers of entomological classification.
[...]
The breadth of America’s battle against invasive species can be hard to fathom. It involves 13 federal agencies and departments — obvious outfits like the United States Fish and Wildlife Service and the Forest Service, but also the Treasury Department. In 1999, something called the National Invasive Species Council had to be created to coordinate all these agencies’ efforts. The council’s deputy director, Chris Dionigi, noted the obvious challenge, systemwide, of responding to such a high volume of invasive species. “By the time a species is big and bad enough to get people’s attention, a local opportunity to fight it when it’s small enough to be halted has been lost,” he said. “Sometimes things can fall through the cracks.”
There was one part that bugged me about the article, and it was the mention of other frightening invasive species.
A new wave of environmentalists has questioned this knee-jerk vilification of invasive species, arguing that some of these creatures merely threaten an outdated ideal of wildernesses as pristine places. That may be, but some can also make life pretty miserable: from brown marmorated stink bugs that destroy apple crops; to dense armadas of coqui frogs, whose pterodactylish screeching goes on all night and gets so loud that they’ve lowered property values in Hawaii; to the hundreds of thousands of giant African land snails skulking around Florida, slowly eating through the stucco walls of houses and puncturing car tires with their shells. They are the size of rats.Whatever you do, DO NOT Google images of "Giant African land snail".
posted by mistersquid at 3:38 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Crazy ants showed up here on Vancouver Island in Victoria (north of Seattle) last summer.
NONONONONONO. NOPE.
We've had ongoing sugar ant issues, including a godawful experience with them colonizing my alarm clock. I can't even fathom dealing with CRAZY ANTS. I'm now actually really happy about this last week with the single-digit (F) overnight lows.
posted by epersonae at 3:42 PM on December 10, 2013
NONONONONONO. NOPE.
We've had ongoing sugar ant issues, including a godawful experience with them colonizing my alarm clock. I can't even fathom dealing with CRAZY ANTS. I'm now actually really happy about this last week with the single-digit (F) overnight lows.
posted by epersonae at 3:42 PM on December 10, 2013
The ants are not crazy. Their logic is immutable. They exist because they can, and therefore they must. They are agents of pure necessity; machines designed only to produce entropy. Chaos which is its own end. They are the universe seeking to end itself.
posted by dephlogisticated at 4:02 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by dephlogisticated at 4:02 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
So, to me, the anger of a few entomologists taking issue with Jon Mooallem's style seems the product of constrained reading comprehension.
Did you read rockindata's link? Because that at least alludes to the funding problems affecting many areas of science in the richest country in the world. If there's a lack of anything, it's background knowledge. Meanwhile, the NYT article says, "Cornell University ecologist David Pimentel and his colleagues have estimated that invasive species cost the nation $120 billion a year. The federal government spent $2.2 billion in 2012 trying to control them..."
Oh yes, let's defund science because who needs entomologists, right? [looks back at most of the comments in this thread]
posted by sneebler at 4:24 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Did you read rockindata's link? Because that at least alludes to the funding problems affecting many areas of science in the richest country in the world. If there's a lack of anything, it's background knowledge. Meanwhile, the NYT article says, "Cornell University ecologist David Pimentel and his colleagues have estimated that invasive species cost the nation $120 billion a year. The federal government spent $2.2 billion in 2012 trying to control them..."
Oh yes, let's defund science because who needs entomologists, right? [looks back at most of the comments in this thread]
posted by sneebler at 4:24 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I grew up in the south and am familiar with ants, even big swarms of ants. Even big swarms of big ants. But it was when I was in SE Asia, in Cambodia, that I first experienced big swarms of big ants that bite. I was at Angkor Wat, bumming round the temples and was in a more wooded area than normal (you are explicitly warned to not go off the paths because of possible landmines). I was checking my map or something, still for a few moments when I felt a sting on my feet, and another and another and I looked down and saw my feet half-covered with red ants, and those fuckers were biting. I ran off and brushed them off. If I moved and kept walking, it was ok, but any time I stopped and stood still for more than 10 seconds or so, that gave them time to set in for the biting. I probably looked a little silly marching in place while checking my map.
posted by zardoz at 4:34 PM on December 10, 2013
posted by zardoz at 4:34 PM on December 10, 2013
I will say that, at least in my experience, the Argentinian ants are terrifying, but at least they don't bite.
Do the "crazy ants" bite?
posted by Sara C. at 4:40 PM on December 10, 2013
Do the "crazy ants" bite?
posted by Sara C. at 4:40 PM on December 10, 2013
> I had some misgivings that he might be heading down this human interest path.
Has this person ever actually seen a newspaper? I don't want to belittle the scientists, I understand it's always traumatic to talk to a reporter and then find your ten minutes of learned commentary boiled down to a half-understood sentence, but come on, "heading down this human interest path"? What does he think newspapers are? The Times Sunday Magazine is not Nature, and there's no point pretending it could be or being shocked, shocked when it turns out not to be. As the linguists on Language Log have said more than once, it's in some measure scientists' fault for being misunderstood, because they refuse to simplify their message or to repeat their most important sound bite enough that it has a chance of penetrating the inevitable reportorial ignorance and inattention. The story was good and well written, it called attention to an important problem, and I'm sorry the ant scientist felt his special concerns were not sufficiently kowtowed to, but his response seems like petty grumbling to me.
posted by languagehat at 4:59 PM on December 10, 2013 [7 favorites]
Has this person ever actually seen a newspaper? I don't want to belittle the scientists, I understand it's always traumatic to talk to a reporter and then find your ten minutes of learned commentary boiled down to a half-understood sentence, but come on, "heading down this human interest path"? What does he think newspapers are? The Times Sunday Magazine is not Nature, and there's no point pretending it could be or being shocked, shocked when it turns out not to be. As the linguists on Language Log have said more than once, it's in some measure scientists' fault for being misunderstood, because they refuse to simplify their message or to repeat their most important sound bite enough that it has a chance of penetrating the inevitable reportorial ignorance and inattention. The story was good and well written, it called attention to an important problem, and I'm sorry the ant scientist felt his special concerns were not sufficiently kowtowed to, but his response seems like petty grumbling to me.
posted by languagehat at 4:59 PM on December 10, 2013 [7 favorites]
Sometimes I get the feeling that people who work in the hard sciences actively dislike or are suspicious of humanity.
Obviously in league with our ant overlords.
posted by Sara C. at 5:04 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Obviously in league with our ant overlords.
posted by Sara C. at 5:04 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I did read it to the end, where the woman advocated importing anteaters, and my first reaction to that was, "I thought they have armadillos in Texas."
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:05 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:05 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
from brown marmorated stink bugs that destroy apple crops
Oh fucking fuck. I swear half the mass of this house I'm living in is stink bugs and ladybugs (yeah, I know, Chinese Whatsits).
posted by dirigibleman at 5:11 PM on December 10, 2013
Oh fucking fuck. I swear half the mass of this house I'm living in is stink bugs and ladybugs (yeah, I know, Chinese Whatsits).
posted by dirigibleman at 5:11 PM on December 10, 2013
Rasberry was being affected, too. He explained that for years he had a contract with NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston. Gradually they managed to tamp down a crazy-ant infestation there, but the shutdown was keeping his technician out of the facility. Rasberry worried that, if they wound up locked out of NASA for three or four weeks, the agency was “going to have a mess out there.”
Barack Obama's BlackBerry rings. NASA flashes on the screen. What do they want? I hope it's not another Space Shuttle.
Barack: Talk to me.
NASA: Mr. President, we have a situation.
Barack: We just got rid of the old shuttles, Neil.
NASA: This is worse. Ants have taken over the Johnson Control Center. And I'm not Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
Barack: That's bad. Did you spray?
NASA: Well, they've covered the entire campus. I'm not sure if there are still buildings or mounds of ants.
Barack: That's bad.
NASA: And now all the satellites are falling from the sky. Pretty soon we'll have no cellular networks, no GPS, and no weather forecasting! The military will be doomed! And it gets worse?
Barack: ...How??
NASA: We've sent our best men to investigate the crashed satellites. When they get there, they found that the satellites were full of ants to begin with! Do you know what that means?!
Barack: What?
NASA: We've got... ANTS IN SPACE!
Cue shot of the moon inching toward Earth, pushed from within by a teeming mass of 20 sextillion ants.
posted by Turkey Glue at 5:19 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Barack Obama's BlackBerry rings. NASA flashes on the screen. What do they want? I hope it's not another Space Shuttle.
Barack: Talk to me.
NASA: Mr. President, we have a situation.
Barack: We just got rid of the old shuttles, Neil.
NASA: This is worse. Ants have taken over the Johnson Control Center. And I'm not Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
Barack: That's bad. Did you spray?
NASA: Well, they've covered the entire campus. I'm not sure if there are still buildings or mounds of ants.
Barack: That's bad.
NASA: And now all the satellites are falling from the sky. Pretty soon we'll have no cellular networks, no GPS, and no weather forecasting! The military will be doomed! And it gets worse?
Barack: ...How??
NASA: We've sent our best men to investigate the crashed satellites. When they get there, they found that the satellites were full of ants to begin with! Do you know what that means?!
Barack: What?
NASA: We've got... ANTS IN SPACE!
Cue shot of the moon inching toward Earth, pushed from within by a teeming mass of 20 sextillion ants.
posted by Turkey Glue at 5:19 PM on December 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Whatever you do, DO NOT Google images of "Giant African land snail".
Aw, I think they're cute. And it looks like they're edible, at least, which is more than you can say for crazy ants.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:29 PM on December 10, 2013
Aw, I think they're cute. And it looks like they're edible, at least, which is more than you can say for crazy ants.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:29 PM on December 10, 2013
sneebler, not that you're calling me out (you gesture upthread), but to my eyes Mooallem's piece DOES mention the problems with defunding science (and the scientific investigation of invasive species in particular).
Just not to the extent or in as much depth as the scientists had hoped.
posted by mistersquid at 5:30 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Just not to the extent or in as much depth as the scientists had hoped.
posted by mistersquid at 5:30 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
real crazy ants.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 6:23 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 6:23 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Aw, come on guys, just imagine them all with Dave Foley's voice and they're adorable!
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:34 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:34 PM on December 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I think they should call them "wacky ants". "Wacky" is fun, but "crazy" is only fun if it's pronounced "crrrrrraaaaaaaazy!" and it's ants selling top-brand mattresses at low low prices.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:06 PM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:06 PM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Probably enough wacky ants could swarm together to make a wacky ant mattress for you to enjoy. In the morning you could wake up and say to your spouse "Wow, I slept like a log!" (because logs have lots of ants).
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:08 PM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:08 PM on December 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Horror movie about murderous ant hoards please
It Happened At Lakewood Manor 1977
I watched this movie as a kid. That was a mistake.
posted by jacanj at 2:49 AM on December 11, 2013
It Happened At Lakewood Manor 1977
I watched this movie as a kid. That was a mistake.
posted by jacanj at 2:49 AM on December 11, 2013
Ants in general are terrible. Swarming ants are more terrible. We get army ants through camp occasionally - they're probably the thing that stresses me out the most about the rainforest because they swarm in vast numbers, often show up in the middle of the night when you are fast asleep, and yes - they bite. We know the army ants are arriving because there's a wave of insects and lizards that show up about 3 minutes before the first of the ants. When they overtake spiders, ants will bite off their legs first so they can't get away. When they overtake turtles, it's not very pretty, either, and I expect it takes a long time for the turtle to actually die from being eaten by army ants. I came across a swarm of army ants the other day in the forest, systematically ripping apart a giant African land snail into tiny pieces.
Usually, I can escape army ants pretty much unscathed, though the other day I chose an inopportune spot to pee and about 50 climbed up into my shirt and had to be forcibly pulled out of my back, often leaving their heads still attached to me. By far the worst army ant story from a researcher, though, involves a guy who was here a few years back. He didn't completely tuck the mosquito net under his mattress, and woke up at around 1:30 in the morning with kind of a weird crawly feeling. And then he realized that he was literally COMPLETELY covered with ants - what woke him up was the ants crawling up his nose and into his ears. But until he FREAKED OUT and ran out of the house and stripped off all his clothes and tried to pry the ants off of all his more sensitive body parts, meanwhile hoping that the neighborhood leopards were otherwise occupied and that he didn't land in another swarm of army ants. And so, I always tuck in my mosquito net.
posted by ChuraChura at 5:39 AM on December 11, 2013 [6 favorites]
Usually, I can escape army ants pretty much unscathed, though the other day I chose an inopportune spot to pee and about 50 climbed up into my shirt and had to be forcibly pulled out of my back, often leaving their heads still attached to me. By far the worst army ant story from a researcher, though, involves a guy who was here a few years back. He didn't completely tuck the mosquito net under his mattress, and woke up at around 1:30 in the morning with kind of a weird crawly feeling. And then he realized that he was literally COMPLETELY covered with ants - what woke him up was the ants crawling up his nose and into his ears. But until he FREAKED OUT and ran out of the house and stripped off all his clothes and tried to pry the ants off of all his more sensitive body parts, meanwhile hoping that the neighborhood leopards were otherwise occupied and that he didn't land in another swarm of army ants. And so, I always tuck in my mosquito net.
posted by ChuraChura at 5:39 AM on December 11, 2013 [6 favorites]
Between this and the recent-ish thread about nuclear reactors temporarily shutting down because jellyfish were flooding their seawater intake valves, I'm pretty sure the other four kingdoms are slowly rising up against us.
Ants and Jellyfish are in the same kingdom as humans.
posted by atrazine at 5:52 AM on December 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Ants and Jellyfish are in the same kingdom as humans.
posted by atrazine at 5:52 AM on December 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Between this and the recent-ish thread about nuclear reactors temporarily shutting down because jellyfish were flooding their seawater intake valves, I'm pretty sure the other four kingdoms are slowly rising up against us.
Ants and Jellyfish are in the same kingdom as humans.
They're just pawns of the fungi.
posted by Etrigan at 6:32 AM on December 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
Ants and Jellyfish are in the same kingdom as humans.
They're just pawns of the fungi.
posted by Etrigan at 6:32 AM on December 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
what woke him up was the ants crawling up his nose and into his ears
PANICKY SUSTAINED SHRILL TERRIBLE SCREAMING BRB
posted by elizardbits at 9:40 AM on December 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
PANICKY SUSTAINED SHRILL TERRIBLE SCREAMING BRB
posted by elizardbits at 9:40 AM on December 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
Metafilter: looks like they're edible, at least, which is more than you can say for crazy ants.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:21 AM on December 11, 2013
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:21 AM on December 11, 2013
HuronBob: "Well, they can't nuke Texas from space.....
because????"
Because that's a shitty thing to want?
My English major daughter would point out that there's a difference between "shouldn't" and "can't".. I was wondering what type of force field was in place, and was it designed by people or ants...
posted by HuronBob at 10:43 AM on December 11, 2013
because????"
Because that's a shitty thing to want?
My English major daughter would point out that there's a difference between "shouldn't" and "can't".. I was wondering what type of force field was in place, and was it designed by people or ants...
posted by HuronBob at 10:43 AM on December 11, 2013
And it looks like they're edible, at least....
The snails are edible! But they are not very good. Rubbery and bland.
Do we actually know the ants are not edible? Many are.
posted by solotoro at 10:55 AM on December 11, 2013
The snails are edible! But they are not very good. Rubbery and bland.
Do we actually know the ants are not edible? Many are.
posted by solotoro at 10:55 AM on December 11, 2013
I loved this bit from the article: Eventually, I scribbled in my notebook: “Holy [expletive] I can’t concentrate on what anyone’s saying. Ants all over me. Phantom itches. Scratching hands, ankles, now my left eye.” Then I got in my car and left.
posted by whir at 11:52 AM on December 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by whir at 11:52 AM on December 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
I actually really liked the snails. I think you just need a good sauce to put them in.
posted by ChuraChura at 2:50 PM on December 11, 2013
posted by ChuraChura at 2:50 PM on December 11, 2013
That's fair. I only had them as brochettes, so no sauce, just some powdered piment for flavor.
posted by solotoro at 6:23 AM on December 12, 2013
posted by solotoro at 6:23 AM on December 12, 2013
Related NYT: A mass of fire ants can flow like a fluid or move like a solid, depending on the situation. It’s the first time this duality had been observed in a group of living things.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:28 AM on December 17, 2013
posted by Chrysostom at 10:28 AM on December 17, 2013
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posted by King Sky Prawn at 10:11 AM on December 10, 2013