Giving Back
December 17, 2013 12:56 PM Subscribe
"After two to three hours, the body is transformed into a sterile coffee-colored liquid the consistency of motor oil that can be safely poured down the drain, alongside a dry bone residue similar in appearance to cremated remains."
GOOD magazine: The emergence of the sustainable death industry.
or i can give my body to science. seriously, it's great to see advancements in undertaking.
posted by parmanparman at 1:01 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by parmanparman at 1:01 PM on December 17, 2013
Easy disposal of bodies is going to be a huge growth industry in the coming decades as people fight with increasing viciousness over the scraps of a dead economy. So I'm all in favor of this.
posted by Naberius at 1:02 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 1:02 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
To these ends, Lee has developed a fitted organic cotton burial suit with crocheted netting and spore-infused threads, where her flesh-eating Infinity Mushrooms can grow.
Sounds like either Lee watches Hannibal or somebody from Hannibal watches her.
posted by rue72 at 1:07 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
Sounds like either Lee watches Hannibal or somebody from Hannibal watches her.
posted by rue72 at 1:07 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
I want my corpse to be thrown off a building and explode into birds which fly away before they hit the ground. So hopefully parmanparman's body will be used as part of the experiments to make that happen.
posted by biffa at 1:10 PM on December 17, 2013 [23 favorites]
posted by biffa at 1:10 PM on December 17, 2013 [23 favorites]
Did someone say dispose of the body down the drain?
posted by exogenous at 1:10 PM on December 17, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by exogenous at 1:10 PM on December 17, 2013 [6 favorites]
Sounds like either Lee watches Hannibal or somebody from Hannibal watches her.
Or maybe they're caught in an uneasy mutual staring match, like cats.
posted by Grangousier at 1:11 PM on December 17, 2013
Or maybe they're caught in an uneasy mutual staring match, like cats.
posted by Grangousier at 1:11 PM on December 17, 2013
you are eating PEOPLE*
*that's from a movie called Soylent Green. I feel sad i have to footnote this comment.
posted by Colonel Panic at 1:11 PM on December 17, 2013
*that's from a movie called Soylent Green. I feel sad i have to footnote this comment.
posted by Colonel Panic at 1:11 PM on December 17, 2013
Welp, time to get serious about donating my body to Egyptologists for research. Screw you guys, the double doors of the horizon are open and I'm headed for the lands of the west.
posted by sexyrobot at 1:12 PM on December 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by sexyrobot at 1:12 PM on December 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
My dream funeral was for my body to be put on a boat, set alight, and put out to sea while my family and friends got very drunk. This sounds good, too, as long as people get drunk in my memory.
posted by SansPoint at 1:12 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by SansPoint at 1:12 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
I want my body to be disposed of in the easiest, cheapest, lowest-impact possible way. I also acknowledge that I won't really be around to have an opinion, so what I think is pretty much moot.
I'd just hate for people to fuss over the physical mess I've left behind.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 1:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
I'd just hate for people to fuss over the physical mess I've left behind.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 1:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
I'm so glad that we are moving ever closer for me to just get dumped somewhere in the woods. Seriously, otherwise I'll have to put an ad out for a serial killer to come off me when I get old just so I can get my shallow, secluded grave sans embalming wishes performed.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 1:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 1:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [5 favorites]
(I'm also dreading having to argue with my sister over this kind of thing when my parents eventually die. She's a lot more sentimental than I am.)
posted by Narrative Priorities at 1:16 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by Narrative Priorities at 1:16 PM on December 17, 2013
I don't care what happens to my body. But screw with my ghost and there'll be hell to pay.
Anyway, is pulverizing a body "greener" than just wrapping the body in a cloth and burying it in a pine box? Seems about the same, doesn't it, except that even less energy is expended in a traditional Jewish burial?
Also, if we start doing the pulverization thing, we're not going to be able to just give the remains away to be poured wherever -- because isn't that just asking for remains to get into the water supply?
posted by rue72 at 1:21 PM on December 17, 2013
Anyway, is pulverizing a body "greener" than just wrapping the body in a cloth and burying it in a pine box? Seems about the same, doesn't it, except that even less energy is expended in a traditional Jewish burial?
Also, if we start doing the pulverization thing, we're not going to be able to just give the remains away to be poured wherever -- because isn't that just asking for remains to get into the water supply?
posted by rue72 at 1:21 PM on December 17, 2013
My father asked us to donate his body to Tufts Medical School. It was very simple, and the people who we worked with at the school were really kind and grateful. I'm told that at the end of the academic year, we will be invited to a memorial service where the students honor the memory of the donors, which sounds very nice. I'd recommend it to anyone.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:22 PM on December 17, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 1:22 PM on December 17, 2013 [6 favorites]
it’s peculiar that so little conversation up to this point has occurred around perhaps the least fleeting of occasions: our eventual demise.
It's not that peculiar. In the West we are in major death-denial most of the time. Ideally I'd like to be buried directly in the earth, no coffin, and give the worms their tea. As that isn't likely, I like the "turned into liquid" version and maybe poured into the sea.
(But really, I'd prefer to be accompanied by professional mourners and twung into a tree.)
posted by billiebee at 1:28 PM on December 17, 2013
It's not that peculiar. In the West we are in major death-denial most of the time. Ideally I'd like to be buried directly in the earth, no coffin, and give the worms their tea. As that isn't likely, I like the "turned into liquid" version and maybe poured into the sea.
(But really, I'd prefer to be accompanied by professional mourners and twung into a tree.)
posted by billiebee at 1:28 PM on December 17, 2013
Pouring the deceased's remains into a sewer to mix with human excrement seems unnecessarily disrespectful.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 1:37 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 1:37 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
Wait, isn't the most "sustainable" death the one that happens the earliest?
posted by FJT at 1:39 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by FJT at 1:39 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm planning to go to a body farm; I figure that's fairly sustainable.
posted by _paegan_ at 1:48 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by _paegan_ at 1:48 PM on December 17, 2013
I've heard medical and dental school students discussing dissections, and "respectful" doesn't seem to be part of it. I don't think you can do that and think of the cadavers as anything but meat if you want to keep your sanity.
Also, why Tufts dental students need to conduct dissections of the reproductive system is a mystery and likely to remain thus. Unless the Romans were right. And they weren't.
Me? I am warming to a nice pyramid.
posted by 1adam12 at 1:49 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, why Tufts dental students need to conduct dissections of the reproductive system is a mystery and likely to remain thus. Unless the Romans were right. And they weren't.
Me? I am warming to a nice pyramid.
posted by 1adam12 at 1:49 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
> give my body to science
That, but with a guarantee I won't have to put up with a year of unproductive procedures and misery just to keep the meat fresh until they're ready to freeze it.
Anyone know if Hospice routines are available that facilitate donating bodies to science?
Maybe set up a cold empty 33-degree refrigerator in the carport temporarily, with a hotline/pager for pickup.
No I'm -not- kidding.
Some seven billion of us are going to die in the next century or thereabouts, including the greediest and most acquisitive humans the world has ever produced.
Any move toward putting all that stuff back into sustainable biodiversity instead of furthering the elevation of the .01percent -- would be a good idea.
So far burial at sea is the best notion I've seen that'd actually be allowable. For those of us near a coastline anyhow.
posted by hank at 1:50 PM on December 17, 2013
That, but with a guarantee I won't have to put up with a year of unproductive procedures and misery just to keep the meat fresh until they're ready to freeze it.
Anyone know if Hospice routines are available that facilitate donating bodies to science?
Maybe set up a cold empty 33-degree refrigerator in the carport temporarily, with a hotline/pager for pickup.
No I'm -not- kidding.
Some seven billion of us are going to die in the next century or thereabouts, including the greediest and most acquisitive humans the world has ever produced.
Any move toward putting all that stuff back into sustainable biodiversity instead of furthering the elevation of the .01percent -- would be a good idea.
So far burial at sea is the best notion I've seen that'd actually be allowable. For those of us near a coastline anyhow.
posted by hank at 1:50 PM on December 17, 2013
Are burials at sea not "sustainable"? It seems like, at least if you do more than one at a time to save on marine diesel, it's pretty low impact. I assume the fish don't mind the extra food, provided you don't start dumping tons of corpses in one place and throw off the nutrient balance or something (a la farm runoff in the Gulf).
Aside from family members who get seasick and therefore couldn't come to the actual over-the-side-you-go ceremony, it seems basically ideal.
posted by Kadin2048 at 1:51 PM on December 17, 2013
Aside from family members who get seasick and therefore couldn't come to the actual over-the-side-you-go ceremony, it seems basically ideal.
posted by Kadin2048 at 1:51 PM on December 17, 2013
I eagerly await my body being unceremoniously dumped from a moving car into the Meadowlands in New Jersey.
posted by entropone at 1:54 PM on December 17, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by entropone at 1:54 PM on December 17, 2013 [8 favorites]
Pouring the deceased's remains into a sewer to mix with human excrement seems unnecessarily disrespectful.
To whom? The former occupant of those remains? They're, like, dead.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
To whom? The former occupant of those remains? They're, like, dead.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
I want to die as I lived: in service to my dark and unknowable Gods who even now plot the doom of Man.
posted by The Whelk at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [20 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [20 favorites]
In the grimdark far future (i.e., when I control the planet) we use frozen corpses as bio-sensitive missile warheads for use on small targets. Freeze 'em solid, drop 'em from orbit. 200lb of frozen corpse may not seem like much, until it's coming at you in MIRV'ed constellation of bodies moving in excess of 17,000mph.
Then it seems like quite lot indeed.
posted by aramaic at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
Then it seems like quite lot indeed.
posted by aramaic at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
I will be devoured by an eldritch horror and vomited upon the shores of the afterlife
posted by elizardbits at 2:02 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 2:02 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
where ideally i will rule with an iron fist
posted by elizardbits at 2:03 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 2:03 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
Are burials at sea not "sustainable"?
I can't find links now, but I've researched this before and it's really expensive. You can't just do it anywhere, and you're basically chartering a boat on top of normal funeral expenses.
I've heard medical and dental school students discussing dissections, and "respectful" doesn't seem to be part of it.
That's not always the case.
posted by billiebee at 2:03 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
I can't find links now, but I've researched this before and it's really expensive. You can't just do it anywhere, and you're basically chartering a boat on top of normal funeral expenses.
I've heard medical and dental school students discussing dissections, and "respectful" doesn't seem to be part of it.
That's not always the case.
posted by billiebee at 2:03 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
This is just more corporate greenwashing, and I can't believe anyone falls for yet another attempt by the factory funeral industry using their filthy corpses to destroy our planet. Personally, I've made the truly sustainable choice: Immortality.
posted by mittens at 2:11 PM on December 17, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by mittens at 2:11 PM on December 17, 2013 [10 favorites]
I want to have my corpse fired out of a circus cannon into an active volcano. It's festive and giving back to the earth.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:14 PM on December 17, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:14 PM on December 17, 2013 [9 favorites]
1adam12: I've heard medical and dental school students discussing dissections, and "respectful" doesn't seem to be part of it. I don't think you can do that and think of the cadavers as anything but meat if you want to keep your sanity.
Also, why Tufts dental students need to conduct dissections of the reproductive system is a mystery and likely to remain thus. Unless the Romans were right. And they weren't.
I'm talking about my deceased father here, guy. Talk about lack of respect.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [8 favorites]
Also, why Tufts dental students need to conduct dissections of the reproductive system is a mystery and likely to remain thus. Unless the Romans were right. And they weren't.
I'm talking about my deceased father here, guy. Talk about lack of respect.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [8 favorites]
"Flesh-eating Infinity Mushrooms" is like a glimpse into the world where HP Lovecraft has Shigeru Miyamoto's job.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:31 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:31 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
In order of preference:
1) Not die, ever.
2) Die, but be mummified and then re-animated with ancient magics.
3) Be.. a ghost? I guess?
posted by curious nu at 2:32 PM on December 17, 2013 [17 favorites]
1) Not die, ever.
2) Die, but be mummified and then re-animated with ancient magics.
3) Be.. a ghost? I guess?
posted by curious nu at 2:32 PM on December 17, 2013 [17 favorites]
Basically if I have to shlump through eternity as a ghost you should do whatever with my body. Drain-pouring is fine.
posted by curious nu at 2:34 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by curious nu at 2:34 PM on December 17, 2013
I want to be dumped by the side of the road in the desert. Coyotes have to eat too you know!
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 2:39 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 2:39 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
DO NOT DRINK
posted by Artw at 2:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 2:57 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I plan to retire to that nice farm where all my old dogs went to play.
posted by moonmilk at 3:09 PM on December 17, 2013 [19 favorites]
posted by moonmilk at 3:09 PM on December 17, 2013 [19 favorites]
My father's cremated remains were placed in a rock-salt urn, that was designed to slowly dissolve in the sea. Dang thing was the most expensive urn I'd ever heard of. But, shucks, Dad would've wanted it that way. (He liked expensive but stupid things.) We chartered a boat to be in-view of his favorite vacation spot. My ding-dong brother, who had ONE JOB, didn't make sure the lid was on tight enough and dropped the urn over the side and the lid came off before the urn got halfway to the water and then it was not unlike the Big Lebowski except my Mom didn't cry about the Big Lebowski for several months later.
Not sure this method would have helped, or at least been either more or less funny. Whichever would be better.
Mom's OK now.
posted by Cookiebastard at 3:19 PM on December 17, 2013 [24 favorites]
Not sure this method would have helped, or at least been either more or less funny. Whichever would be better.
Mom's OK now.
posted by Cookiebastard at 3:19 PM on December 17, 2013 [24 favorites]
I like the plan where it's all
BODY
BODY
BODY
BODY
BODY
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
posted by The Whelk at 3:24 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
BODY
BODY
BODY
BODY
BODY
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
posted by The Whelk at 3:24 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I can just hear my curmudgeonly uncle saying, "People these days have so many parts replaced you might as well put them in the recycling bin when they die!"
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 3:53 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 3:53 PM on December 17, 2013
I guess I just want a pretty burial that accomplishes the earth-friendly goal of forcing my nieces and nephews to spend ONE NIGHT in my CREAKING MANSION in order to get my inheritance
Totally. I sometimes think it would be money well-spent to find a decrepit old mansion in the middle of nowhere, that nobody wants, totally overgrown and whatnot, and buy it to sit on it, in case I suffer an untimely demise before my kids grow up. The will would provide instructions for them to be given a locked box and taken to the house. Once there, they'd discover that holy shit their dad had a secret mansion and does that mean they're secretly rich. Once inside the front door they'd find a key in an envelope, and upon using it to unlock the box they'd find another envelope and a recording of my voice basically saying that wow isn't this house cool but no don't worry I'm a bit more practical than that so inside the envelope is the information about my assets and life insurance and whatnot, and for goodness' sake sell the house and don't go inside because it will probably fall on you and it's at that point I realize it isn't a very good idea.
posted by davejay at 3:59 PM on December 17, 2013 [11 favorites]
Totally. I sometimes think it would be money well-spent to find a decrepit old mansion in the middle of nowhere, that nobody wants, totally overgrown and whatnot, and buy it to sit on it, in case I suffer an untimely demise before my kids grow up. The will would provide instructions for them to be given a locked box and taken to the house. Once there, they'd discover that holy shit their dad had a secret mansion and does that mean they're secretly rich. Once inside the front door they'd find a key in an envelope, and upon using it to unlock the box they'd find another envelope and a recording of my voice basically saying that wow isn't this house cool but no don't worry I'm a bit more practical than that so inside the envelope is the information about my assets and life insurance and whatnot, and for goodness' sake sell the house and don't go inside because it will probably fall on you and it's at that point I realize it isn't a very good idea.
posted by davejay at 3:59 PM on December 17, 2013 [11 favorites]
The only downside of that plan, other than the part where the mansion falls down on my entire family, would be the temptation to fake my death so I could see it play out.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:03 PM on December 17, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:03 PM on December 17, 2013 [5 favorites]
I want to be buried (or thrown in a bog, I guess?) because I have long dreamed of being dug up by researchers a few centuries from now and being stuck in a museum case. I think that would be awesome. (And then maybe my ghost could haunt the museum and cause a little mostly harmless mischief every now and again).
posted by TwoStride at 4:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by TwoStride at 4:15 PM on December 17, 2013 [9 favorites]
If science wants my corpse, it can have it. Ain't no use to anybody and save my family funeral expenses (although I would like a drunken wake decorated by very flattering pictures of my youthful self and people talking about me). But we can skip the graveyard altogether. Put my name on a city bench or something if they need someplace to sit and think of me.
posted by emjaybee at 4:20 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by emjaybee at 4:20 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Being eaten by animals would seem to be the most ecological way to go, but this mode of disposal of the body is regarded with horror by most cultures, as in "May your father be eaten by dogs!"
Except for a few.
Note that the Zoroastrians have isolated the corpse(s) on tall towers for birds, rather than random animals, to devour. Unless the vultures fly off with parts, the body is not dispersed.
posted by bad grammar at 4:21 PM on December 17, 2013
Except for a few.
Note that the Zoroastrians have isolated the corpse(s) on tall towers for birds, rather than random animals, to devour. Unless the vultures fly off with parts, the body is not dispersed.
posted by bad grammar at 4:21 PM on December 17, 2013
It's my understanding that many aspects of green burial, including the lack of embalming or vault and simple wooden box or shroud are also what is called for by Jewish and Islamic traditions.
When I lost a family member unexpectedly earlier this year, we were lucky enough to be able to find a green funeral home that helped us have the burial in a beautiful wildflower natural burial ground in a location meaningful to us. I know there may be limits to the scalability of this approach, but it did help to know we were doing what we could to minimize the impact on the environment, and I would love for these options to be more available to people.
posted by beryllium at 4:29 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
When I lost a family member unexpectedly earlier this year, we were lucky enough to be able to find a green funeral home that helped us have the burial in a beautiful wildflower natural burial ground in a location meaningful to us. I know there may be limits to the scalability of this approach, but it did help to know we were doing what we could to minimize the impact on the environment, and I would love for these options to be more available to people.
posted by beryllium at 4:29 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Ok, I've changed my mind from freezedrying to bog. Thanks for the reminder about bogs, TwoStride!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 4:41 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by bitter-girl.com at 4:41 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
After donation of any body-parts anyone can use, my leftover bits will be cremated just as cheaply as can be done. Then my cremains, in a biodegradable container, will be sent to one of my sisters, who says she's gonna plant me next to the kids' gerbils in the backyard.
Finally, about 5-6 months later, I've made them promise to hold a big party; a friend of mine said he'll get his band to play for free, but ONLY if there's an open bar.... Yes: there WILL be.
posted by easily confused at 5:00 PM on December 17, 2013
Finally, about 5-6 months later, I've made them promise to hold a big party; a friend of mine said he'll get his band to play for free, but ONLY if there's an open bar.... Yes: there WILL be.
posted by easily confused at 5:00 PM on December 17, 2013
How come no one here has mentioned Walter White yet? He seemed to have this shit down on Breaking Bad?
"After two to three hours, the body is transformed into a sterile coffee-colored liquid the consistency of motor oil that can be safely poured down the drain"
posted by C.A.S. at 5:02 PM on December 17, 2013
"After two to three hours, the body is transformed into a sterile coffee-colored liquid the consistency of motor oil that can be safely poured down the drain"
posted by C.A.S. at 5:02 PM on December 17, 2013
DRINK ME
posted by plinth at 5:14 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by plinth at 5:14 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
I would have my liquified self placed in a Prince of Darkness style cylinder in the basement of the mansion.
posted by Artw at 5:29 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 5:29 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I guess you're that big of a fan of Breaking Bad...
posted by littlesq at 5:31 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by littlesq at 5:31 PM on December 17, 2013
Cat burial is clearly the way to go. Sustainable--and perhaps inevitable.
posted by LucretiusJones at 5:38 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by LucretiusJones at 5:38 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I want to have my corpse fired out of a circus cannon into an active volcano. It's festive and giving back to the earth.
posted by Mr. Bad Example
Mr. Bad Example, that is so the coolest thing I have ever heard proposed.
Volcano it is!!
posted by BlueHorse at 5:39 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by Mr. Bad Example
Mr. Bad Example, that is so the coolest thing I have ever heard proposed.
Volcano it is!!
posted by BlueHorse at 5:39 PM on December 17, 2013
I plan to retire to that nice farm where all my old dogs went to play.
Dog Farm!
A Farm full of Dogs!
...sad, old, smelly, sick dogs.
posted by entropone at 5:40 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Dog Farm!
A Farm full of Dogs!
...sad, old, smelly, sick dogs.
posted by entropone at 5:40 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I guess you're that big of a fan of Breaking Bad...
I just really like Prince of Darkness.
posted by Artw at 5:53 PM on December 17, 2013
I just really like Prince of Darkness.
posted by Artw at 5:53 PM on December 17, 2013
The thing about bog preservation is that you have to make absolutely sure that you have a large number of small single use/confusing/anachronistic items on your person at the time of your immersion to utterly thwart all future attempts by anthropologists to date your death and explain your civilization.
Like imagine being dug up in 3,000 years with a garlic press and some 20 sided dice and one of those toothpick/flossystick things and a handful of old coins and arrowheads just to mix things up. Imagine how irritating that would be for the people studying you.
that is really my dream and my life's ambition - to irritate total strangers thousands of years past my demise
posted by elizardbits at 5:59 PM on December 17, 2013 [42 favorites]
Like imagine being dug up in 3,000 years with a garlic press and some 20 sided dice and one of those toothpick/flossystick things and a handful of old coins and arrowheads just to mix things up. Imagine how irritating that would be for the people studying you.
that is really my dream and my life's ambition - to irritate total strangers thousands of years past my demise
posted by elizardbits at 5:59 PM on December 17, 2013 [42 favorites]
I, um, kind of want to open a portal to a dark dimension as well - that's doable, right?
posted by Artw at 6:05 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by Artw at 6:05 PM on December 17, 2013
When I die, I want the funeral home director to look at me and say, "Looks like we got an eater!" and then serve me with parsnips.
If it sickens any of my loved ones, I want a grave to be available so they can vomit into it.
posted by 4ster at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
If it sickens any of my loved ones, I want a grave to be available so they can vomit into it.
posted by 4ster at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
that is really my dream and my life's ambition - to irritate total strangers thousands of years past my demise
If it will help you on your quest, I volunteer as tribute to be thrown into a neighboring bog with a box of my son's Legos, a mood ring, a violin, and a sack of hammers. Wearing a tiara, of course.
Preferably *after* I'm dead, but that's negotiable for messing with future anthropologists.
posted by sonika at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
If it will help you on your quest, I volunteer as tribute to be thrown into a neighboring bog with a box of my son's Legos, a mood ring, a violin, and a sack of hammers. Wearing a tiara, of course.
Preferably *after* I'm dead, but that's negotiable for messing with future anthropologists.
posted by sonika at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
My plan: lichhood.
posted by darkstar at 8:06 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by darkstar at 8:06 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
...sad, old, smelly, sick dogs.
metafilter: sad, old, smelly, sick dogs.
(he may have been old and sick but Samson was neither sad nor smelly when he... went to the farm!)
posted by moonmilk at 8:48 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
metafilter: sad, old, smelly, sick dogs.
(he may have been old and sick but Samson was neither sad nor smelly when he... went to the farm!)
posted by moonmilk at 8:48 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't see what could possibly go wrong with mushrooms bred over dozens of generations to feed on human flesh.
posted by Naberius at 8:49 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 8:49 PM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
Someone tells me that environmentalism is an identity substitute for religion. Environmentalist burial practices would provide support for that claim. I once read a monograph on Jews in America. The first thing Jews did on arriving in a town would be to establish a cemetary.
posted by saber_taylor at 8:56 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by saber_taylor at 8:56 PM on December 17, 2013
saber_taylor: "The first thing Jews did on arriving in a town would be to establish a cemetary."
Not that I'm being judgmental, but seems kinda hasty to me. I mean, you don't really need one until someone is dead, right? Then again, best to be prepared, now that I think about it..
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 9:11 PM on December 17, 2013
Not that I'm being judgmental, but seems kinda hasty to me. I mean, you don't really need one until someone is dead, right? Then again, best to be prepared, now that I think about it..
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 9:11 PM on December 17, 2013
InsertNNH, It's possible I'm fabricating the book whole from cloth. It's been decades since I read it. But some how that fact stuck with me.
posted by saber_taylor at 9:18 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by saber_taylor at 9:18 PM on December 17, 2013
You don't need one until somebody's dead, but under Jewish law when somebody's dead you need one quickly. Much better to have all the preparation done ahead of time.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:23 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:23 PM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]
I know exactly what will happen to my body. It will be donated to science, and medical students will take cross sections of my nerves and try to create cell lines. (If they're smart, they'll take samples of my brain tissue as well.) I'm quite sure they'll find my femur structurally interesting and take it as a souvenir, horrifying my mother. Then my mortal remains will be disposed of in the cheapest and least distressing manner available. I have requested a monument in my honor in the Neolithic fashion (because I like the idea of thoroughly confusing future archeologists) but do not hold out much hope of being able to enforce that request.
I take comfort in the fact that by then my DNA should have been thoroughly sequenced, examined, and shared among scientists. Should future humanity ever have need of my unique talents to save the universe, you are welcome to clone me to usher in a new era of peace and tranquillity. Just don't forget to back up that hard drive, please.
posted by Soliloquy at 9:47 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
I take comfort in the fact that by then my DNA should have been thoroughly sequenced, examined, and shared among scientists. Should future humanity ever have need of my unique talents to save the universe, you are welcome to clone me to usher in a new era of peace and tranquillity. Just don't forget to back up that hard drive, please.
posted by Soliloquy at 9:47 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is just to say
I have eaten
the cadaver
that was in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for medical science
Forgive me
it was delicious
so sweet
and so cold
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:55 PM on December 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
I have eaten
the cadaver
that was in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for medical science
Forgive me
it was delicious
so sweet
and so cold
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:55 PM on December 17, 2013 [7 favorites]
This thread seems to be missing someone whose thoughts would be interesting.
posted by Mezentian at 10:29 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Mezentian at 10:29 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
For myself, I've asked for cremation and one final Mardi Gras at a Saint Anne Parade.
posted by Anitanola at 11:07 PM on December 17, 2013
posted by Anitanola at 11:07 PM on December 17, 2013
I liked the illustrations.
posted by panaceanot at 12:08 AM on December 18, 2013
posted by panaceanot at 12:08 AM on December 18, 2013
I wanted to donate my body to SCIENCE or the body farm, but they won't take it. I'm too fat. Fat girls can't catch a break even when dead.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:09 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:09 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
I worry that for future archaeologists we're not burying people with enough stuff. They're just going to have piles of bones and no pottery or grave goods, which is going to be really boring for them, especially as they try to piece together our society after the inevitable dark age that will swallow it up. So I just want to be buried with a vast selection of mugs. And a bunch of jewelry. And perhaps a few other bits and bobs.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 2:17 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by lesbiassparrow at 2:17 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
Note that the Zoroastrians have isolated the corpse(s) on tall towers for birds, rather than random animals, to devour. Unless the vultures fly off with parts, the body is not dispersed.
A towetr of silence doesn't keep the body together though. Once the bones have been picked clean they are swept off the rasied platform into a pit where they lie with those who have gone before. As exposed bones take a long time to break down, these pits actually fill up after a few hundred years and they have to build another tower of silence until the original pit empties out.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:31 AM on December 18, 2013
A towetr of silence doesn't keep the body together though. Once the bones have been picked clean they are swept off the rasied platform into a pit where they lie with those who have gone before. As exposed bones take a long time to break down, these pits actually fill up after a few hundred years and they have to build another tower of silence until the original pit empties out.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:31 AM on December 18, 2013
I'm reminded of the mushrooms in H.R. Pufnstuf that could turn you into a mushroom if you touched them. They terrified me as a child; I wouldn't eat mushrooms for a while.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:48 AM on December 18, 2013
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:48 AM on December 18, 2013
I wouldn't eat mushrooms for a while...
Then I went off to college and ate some and lo and behold I DID turn into a mushroom for a few hours!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:15 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
Then I went off to college and ate some and lo and behold I DID turn into a mushroom for a few hours!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:15 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
I believe I have made my feelings clear already.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:54 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:54 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Totally. I sometimes think it would be money well-spent to find a decrepit old mansion in the middle of nowhere, that nobody wants, totally overgrown and whatnot, and buy it to sit on it, in case I suffer an untimely demise before my kids grow up. The will would provide instructions for them to be given a locked box and taken to the house.
I am trying to withstand the temptation to do this, but I'm not sure I can. I'm sure there's some ghost towns that can accomodate me.
posted by corb at 6:35 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am trying to withstand the temptation to do this, but I'm not sure I can. I'm sure there's some ghost towns that can accomodate me.
posted by corb at 6:35 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
I want my corpse to be thrown off a building and explode into birds which fly away before they hit the ground.
MetaFilter's own John Woo commenting there
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:59 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
MetaFilter's own John Woo commenting there
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:59 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
I want my corpse to be thrown off a building and explode into birds which fly away before they hit the ground. So hopefully parmanparman's body will be used as part of the experiments to make that happen.
I want my corpse to be thrown off a building and explode so all the little bits land in a crowd, but I think a little bit of dynamite would probably do the trick there.
Nah, I'll stick with my original plan of taxidermy+animatronics.
posted by FatherDagon at 8:02 AM on December 18, 2013
I want my corpse to be thrown off a building and explode so all the little bits land in a crowd, but I think a little bit of dynamite would probably do the trick there.
Nah, I'll stick with my original plan of taxidermy+animatronics.
posted by FatherDagon at 8:02 AM on December 18, 2013
I got a question about you morticians.
You bang the dead bodies? I imagine stuff like that goes on all the time. I mean I don't give a shit. If I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash.
I mean shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream,make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead!
Oh Shit! Is my mike on?
- Frank Reynolds
posted by General Tonic at 8:09 AM on December 18, 2013
You bang the dead bodies? I imagine stuff like that goes on all the time. I mean I don't give a shit. If I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash.
I mean shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream,make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead!
Oh Shit! Is my mike on?
- Frank Reynolds
posted by General Tonic at 8:09 AM on December 18, 2013
This reminds me to get around to stipulating in my will that I be mummified, ground up, mixed with pitch and myrrh, and used to paint haunted portrait of myself.
posted by oinopaponton at 8:37 AM on December 18, 2013
posted by oinopaponton at 8:37 AM on December 18, 2013
I'd like to be buried in a big shoebox.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:11 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:11 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'd love to read this, but:
"We've updated our site to better accommodate you and the world. This means the browser you're currently using is no longer supported, unfortunately. Click on any icon below to easily upgrade your browser. It's free of charge, only takes a few minutes, and will provide you with the very best GOOD experience."
You can't work out how to render text and images in IE8? Fuck you, GOOD.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:57 PM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
"We've updated our site to better accommodate you and the world. This means the browser you're currently using is no longer supported, unfortunately. Click on any icon below to easily upgrade your browser. It's free of charge, only takes a few minutes, and will provide you with the very best GOOD experience."
You can't work out how to render text and images in IE8? Fuck you, GOOD.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:57 PM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
Meh, when I die it'll just be meat. I'm an organ donor, so if I die in a hospital or near enough to one, they'll take any useful bits. Beyond that my will stipulates giving the rest of the useful bits to the UofT med school (contact your local university to make arrangements before you die, simplifies things for everyone else after it happens). After that, fuck, grind it up and use it as mulch or something, I don't care, it's just meat.
Then again I think cemeteries are stupid, organ donation shouldn't be optional, and scientific use of the cadaver after death should be mandated whenever there's demand.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:44 AM on December 19, 2013
Then again I think cemeteries are stupid, organ donation shouldn't be optional, and scientific use of the cadaver after death should be mandated whenever there's demand.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:44 AM on December 19, 2013
« Older In Greenspan's book, ideology trumps data | Denise Richards, nuclear physicist Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by tavella at 1:00 PM on December 17, 2013 [6 favorites]