What Happens When the President Sits Down Next to You at a Cafe

January 19, 2014 10:04 PM

"The world is made of people: I get this. Our republic only works if we know our leaders are fallible humans. I disagree with the U.S. government about plenty. None of this kept me from experiencing immediate, full-on, feverish anxiety."
posted by paleyellowwithorange (24 comments total)

You pretend not to know who he is and keep steering the conversation back to Honey Boo Boo.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:36 PM on January 19, 2014 [7 favorites]

You start to wonder if your favorite cafe is Not Cool Anymore, Man.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 10:46 PM on January 19, 2014 [5 favorites]

You say on your phone, "YEAH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT THE PRESIDENT IS REALLY GIVING FREE IPADS TO THIS ENTIRE CAFE"
posted by serif at 11:00 PM on January 19, 2014 [6 favorites]

I had failed as a journalist, so I went to the bathroom... When I got back, they were talking about music. Circumstantial evidence indicates that, while I was in the bathroom, they talked about Beyoncé.

Now you've failed as a journalist.
posted by Starmie at 11:12 PM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Ask him about the necessity of drone warfare that 98% kills children and civilians.
Oh wait you're a journalist, so don't worry.
posted by Enigmark at 11:35 PM on January 19, 2014 [15 favorites]

I think it's a rather banal write-up that offers very little pay-off for a curious, casual reader. It's more a "I wuz there & I got a random pic to show for it!!1!* demo. I don't care if he's a journalist or a fanboy, that piece near put me to sleep.
posted by peacay at 11:43 PM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

It was easy to read this piece as if the writer was a student in their very early twenties without any real connection to reality, politics, or anything else of substance. Even so, who the hell goes to the bathroom when the President of the United States is sitting next to you in a cafe?? Let alone a journalist with The Atlantic.
posted by pkingdesign at 11:44 PM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Even so, who the hell goes to the bathroom when the President of the United States is sitting next to you in a cafe??

Someone who doesn't want to wet themselves?
posted by mr_roboto at 12:16 AM on January 20, 2014 [10 favorites]

“You’re welcome to stay, but one of our agents will be coming around to swipe you.”

Yeah right. When Skippy visited my town there was a helicopter in the air, a guided missile frigate in the harbor, divers under the water, sharpshooters on the roofs, 15km of barricades, hundreds of uniformed police - many of them mounted, an unknown number of undercover agents, scores of police cars, two armed personnel carriers, and a tank and AND THEY WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME CROSS THE STREET TO GET TO WORK one half hour before the president was supposed to drive pass in his armed convoy of armoured SUVs.

The worst reality TV show is more authentic than this guy. The president just doesn't drop-in, there is nothing he does that is not screened and scripted.

"He apologized to the group. He could not resist, he said, a baby.

So yeah, why not go and take a piss in the middle of this.
posted by three blind mice at 12:25 AM on January 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

tbm: Except this was in Washington. They already know everything they need to know. This isn't Podunk, or Dallas. They knew everyone in the building, and their unarmed state. The Service had been monitoring the traffic in that cafe for a month or more. Maybe they own it.
posted by Goofyy at 12:45 AM on January 20, 2014 [3 favorites]

“Thirty percent of somethingsomethingsomething is mumblemumble,” he said.

Quick, someone make this into a meme: "30% of X is Y" --President Obama
posted by chavenet at 1:47 AM on January 20, 2014

I saw Ian Duncan Smith once. I was the only person on the street to notice him.
posted by popcassady at 3:10 AM on January 20, 2014

That's the power of the Quiet Man, popcassady.
posted by Segundus at 3:39 AM on January 20, 2014

Oh, I thought. The president of what?

Him and Snake Plissken, man.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:42 AM on January 20, 2014

Him and Buckaroo Banzai, man.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 4:50 AM on January 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

popcassady: "I saw Ian Duncan Smith once. I was the only person on the street to notice him."

It was actually William Hague, but only the most sophisticated analysis can distinguish between them.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:21 AM on January 20, 2014

You lose your appetite, call for your check, and leave.
posted by IndigoJones at 7:10 AM on January 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

"Swipe you"

Can somebody explain this to us country mice?
posted by entropicamericana at 7:39 AM on January 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

this is how viral marketing works i guess...

pepsi red white & blue.
posted by ennui.bz at 7:42 AM on January 20, 2014

tbm: Except this was in Washington. They already know everything they need to know. This isn't Podunk, or Dallas. They knew everyone in the building, and their unarmed state. The Service had been monitoring the traffic in that cafe for a month or more. Maybe they own it.

Seriously. I can't help but eyeroll when non-Washingtonians gripe about how inconvenient it is to have the President in their one horse town. Having lived in DC since 2005, and having to do this wait when foreign dignitaries arrive and having to wait an extra ten minutes for the bus/traffic to clear up when Cheney decided to leave the WH for the Naval Observatory everyday day at 5:30 pm, I laugh at anyone ranting about how annoying it is. These people love to gripe-brag.

I love POTUS. Also have really learned to love DC. And I'm glad he's an extrovert who gets out and frequents DC places. Better than having Shrub choking on pretzels in the White House.
posted by discopolo at 7:48 AM on January 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

"Swipe you"

Can somebody explain this to us country mice?

I'm assuming this is like the "I'm going to grope you for a bit and then swipe my gloves with a cotton swab and deposit it in a chemical analyzing tool to see if you're going to blow up" they do when you opt out of the other big 4th Amendment violation at airports.

I'm really as in the dark as you are, though, and wondering the same thing.
posted by atbash at 9:03 AM on January 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

Ask him about the necessity of drone warfare that 98% kills children and civilians.

If they are only 98% killed, then they aren't dead. They're mostly dead. Which is partly alive.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:46 AM on January 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

"Swipe you"

Can somebody explain this to us country mice?

I thought it would be for metal, like the TSA agents do.
posted by discopolo at 3:05 PM on January 20, 2014

Oh, right. Makes sense.
posted by entropicamericana at 3:34 PM on January 20, 2014