So you two, um hrm, dig up dinosaurs? Oh drat. [Jeff Goldblum noises]
March 18, 2014 9:02 PM   Subscribe

Jeff Goldblum, as Dr. Ian Malcolm, utters an odd little laugh in Jurassic Park. Here it is, extended to 10 minutes. And if that's not enough, try 10 hours! But that's too straight-forward, so Soundcloud user FLIPSHOT made a dance remix, which YouTube user MrTabarnaco2 made into a music video of sorts.
posted by filthy light thief (43 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite
I would once again like to remind people that just because they can do something does not mean that they should.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:07 PM on March 18, 2014 [12 favorites]

To the mcconnelling mobile!
posted by Drastic at 9:13 PM on March 18, 2014 [11 favorites]

Jeff Goldblum is still my favorite Harold Hill.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:14 PM on March 18, 2014 [3 favorites]

Jesus Christ.
posted by Pudhoho at 9:23 PM on March 18, 2014

For best results, open in 5 tabs.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 9:24 PM on March 18, 2014 [12 favorites]

My wife is mad at me now.
posted by johngumbo at 9:40 PM on March 18, 2014 [7 favorites]

Needs more drunk Jeff Goldblum.
posted by xedrik at 9:51 PM on March 18, 2014 [3 favorites]

A very strange small part of me really enjoyed the dance mix video. I'd be ashamed, but not half an hour ago I was defending the qualities of Ezri Dax, so there's nothing left.
posted by monopas at 9:52 PM on March 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

19 seconds.... That's about the limit,
posted by HuronBob at 9:58 PM on March 18, 2014

The internet is for Jeff Goldblum memes, and I couldn't be happier about it.
posted by Sara C. at 9:59 PM on March 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

Why does Goldblum not do more stuff? I mean, it's a schtick, but it's a great schtick.
posted by GuyZero at 10:02 PM on March 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

OK, my Jeff Goldblum story, which I love cause he was so Jeff Goldblum-y. Took my daughters to see Spam-a-Lot on Broadway years back. Of course they wanted to get David Hyde Pierce and Tim Curry's autograph, so we ducked around the side to the stage door. Across the alley was the stage door for the theatre where Jeff Goldblum was appearing in some play. He came out from backstage first, put his arms around my daughters (21 and 25) and starting schmoozing bigtime. I sternly asked him, "Jeff Goldblum, are you hitting on my daughters?" And he replied, "Why...uh...yes....yes. Uh, yes. Yes I am." So Jeff Goldblum-y. Bald, but Goldblum-y. Then he posed for pictures and he was utterly charming. Never saw Tim Curry.
posted by umberto at 10:05 PM on March 18, 2014 [30 favorites]

Yep, that sounds a lot like Jeff Goldblum.

I have met him in real life. He is exactly like that. I do not understand how he makes the dirty old man thing seem cool and quirky, but he just does.
posted by Sara C. at 10:13 PM on March 18, 2014

That dance remix just made my night.

Goldblum rush the show!
posted by mannequito at 10:16 PM on March 18, 2014

I would once again like to remind people that just because they can do something does not mean that they should.

Not sure how this applies here.
posted by pwally at 10:29 PM on March 18, 2014 [3 favorites]

That's the noise he makes when he's watching me poop.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:35 PM on March 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

Laugh, uh, uh...finds a way.
posted by cortex at 10:44 PM on March 18, 2014 [10 favorites]

This reminds me of the kind of thing Kenny G used to do on WFMU. Anybody know a currently running similar let's-play-with-sound radio show or podcast?
posted by benito.strauss at 10:56 PM on March 18, 2014

This was the best thing I have ever heard while slightly drunk and a little past my bedtime.
posted by egypturnash at 11:08 PM on March 18, 2014

The internet is for Jeff Goldblum memes

what if jeff goldblum were a cat did i just blow your mind
posted by Mikey-San at 12:06 AM on March 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

I sort of like dirty old men who are open about their ... Dirtiness. But then, I'm probably a dirty old woman. I just went shopping - frozen meals & gourmet cat food. Damn, I'm a crazy cat lady as well.
posted by b33j at 12:15 AM on March 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Jeff Goldblum....SECRETS
posted by littlesq at 12:37 AM on March 19, 2014

In Jurassic Park, I'm almost certain that Jeff Goldblum's character is a pale ontologist who got caught up in some paleontology.
posted by sibboleth at 3:13 AM on March 19, 2014 [5 favorites]

Mikey-San: what if jeff goldblum were a cat did i just blow your mind

Well, he was a golden retriever in an earlier online meme version of this looping laugh (warning: terrible photoshop on YTMND*, so the laughter will never end)

* Never has "You're the man now, dog" been more appropriate. Because the dog has become a man! Sorry, it's early and I'm a bit sleep deprived.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:21 AM on March 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Drastic: To the mcconnelling mobile!

The great thing about that YTdoubler is that the McConnell clips are mostly as long as the unlooped laugh, so it almost seems as if this is McConnell's internal laugh track.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:24 AM on March 19, 2014

Chaos theory seems like the Jesus Jones of mathematics to me now
posted by thelonius at 4:28 AM on March 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

My only Jeff Goldblum story concerns him accidentally blundering into my show's rehearsal room and I had to help him find his way to the building exit. And even today, ten years later, I still regret having been too "responsible" to have asked him, "Incidentally, before you go, Mr. Goldblum - what was that watermelon doing there?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:28 AM on March 19, 2014 [6 favorites]

After the third repeat, my dogs started growling at the computer speakers.
posted by notsnot at 6:05 AM on March 19, 2014

I have never met Goldblum, but I had an odd experience concerning his character in Jurassic Park. A year or two before the movie came out, I was on a backpacking trip around the world and I found myself working in a farm in the desert in Israel. I had exactly two books in my backpack when I arrived -- Let's Go: Europe and Jurassic Park. There are only so many times you can read about cathedrals in Prague and bus services in Sicily when you are nowhere near there, so I read the Crichton book several times before I finally took my birthday off to go into Tel Aviv and buy another book. Anyway, Goldblum's character was Dr. Ian Malcolm, which was also the name of my family doctor while I was growing up. Here is Crichton trying to produce a tense scenario, and I can only see kindly old Dr. Malcolm with his salt-and-pepper moustache, lab coat, stethoscope and perpetual mildly puzzled expression fleeing from velociraptors.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:27 AM on March 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

the investigation and manipulation of mundane things....
posted by judson at 7:20 AM on March 19, 2014

Bonzo Dog Band: Slush
posted by ovvl at 7:38 AM on March 19, 2014

Pairs well with this gif.
posted by Panjandrum at 8:47 AM on March 19, 2014

Why do we keep getting these slowed down things? I don't understand. But while we're at it... Jurassic Park Theme 1000% Slower.
posted by brenton at 10:30 AM on March 19, 2014

Why do we keep getting these slowed down things?

The drive motor on the VHS is wearing out.
posted by cortex at 11:00 AM on March 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Just for the sake of correctness, Dr. Grant's line is not "oh, drat" but rather "Try to" (dig up dinosaurs)
posted by ShutterBun at 11:58 AM on March 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

I bumped into Goldblum in a sushi place in Chinatown down in Sydney, oh, fourteen years ago, I think he was over for some TV series or something, or maybe he was promoting a movie. I just remember that he was in the Herald that morning as being in Sydney doing something and I was like "Hey, I'm in Sydney too, it would be weird if I bumped into him."

Anyway. I didn't eat actual sushi back then, I only liked the hand rolls, I was mad for the hand rolls. So I'd ordered like four or five hand rolls, they were only two bucks each and that was my one meal for the day, and I took them over to a table - it was about two in the afternoon, so the lunch crowd was gone - and started eating and reading my book.

After a few minutes I became aware of this guy standing over me at the table. From the corner of my eye I figured it was one of the people who worked there, because they were all dressed in black uniforms, and when I looked up at his face I had difficulty computing it, because it was familiar but at the same time incomprehensible. I did, however, instantly recognise that the clothing he wore was of the highest quality. After a painful couple of seconds, where I was thinking "Wow, this guy looks like a movie star!", I realised that, no, this was not the ur-Anglo-Asian who ran all the sushi shops in Australia, and was coming over to admire my appetite and thank me for my business, but was in fact Jeff Goldblum. His eyes were flitting back and forth between me and my plate of rolls, and he raised his left hand, pointing with a finely-manicured index finger at a point halfway between the rolls and me.

"Y-yes?" I stammered.

"These, these, these sushi rolls, you have a lot of them. California?"

"Sorry, what?"

"The rolls, are they...California rolls?"

"N-no. This one's, um, chicken. This is tuna..."

"What I'm trying to ask is, why are you eating all these rolls?"

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, you're at the sushi place. Uhh. You've come down to the sushi place, to eat some sushi, but that's not sushi, you're eating these rolls."


"You don't need to be sorry, but did you even try the sashimi? My friends and I, we just had the sashimi, it was, was good."

"I don't...I don't even really know what that is."

"It's just like those rolls you've got there, but without all the rice. Look."

With that, he placed both hands on my table, to steady himself, Jeff Goldblum leaned forward over my plate, and regurgitated a thick, pungent yellow-green bile over my sushi rolls. The noises he made were almost comical, and his heaving went on for a while. In the end, after the acrid smoke had disappeared, I was left with a pile of bubbling goo sat before me. Quick as a flashing snake, his hand shot into the mound of vomit and dissolved sushi rolls, and plucked out a singular tender morsel of pinkish-grey salmon. He held it delicately between his thumb and index finger.

"This is sashimi," he said. "Try it."

I had recovered from my initial shock, and was furious. I told him, "Look, mate. I don't know how you do things in Hollywood, but over here we consider it the very height of rudeness to regurgitate digestive enzymes onto a man's sushi rolls."

Thoroughly irritated, and my appetite well and truly gone, I pushed my chair away and stood up to leave. Never breaking eye contact, Jeff Goldblum whisked the salmon into his mouth and swallowed it without chewing.

As I left, he began making buzzing noises, and was bashing against the plexiglass sushi cabinet, his minders bellowing encouragement.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:56 PM on March 19, 2014 [6 favorites]

Lovely writing but, uh, you kinda wasted my time there...
posted by raider at 5:45 PM on March 19, 2014

Goldblum is great. This was just boring. Ten seconds and you've had enough. Enough!
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 9:24 PM on March 19, 2014

You can totally play the dance mix in your office for hours on end.

I mean, you can.

I'm just saying.
posted by Sara C. at 9:40 PM on March 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Who knew the song of the summer would arrive in March?
posted by Mikey-San at 11:17 PM on March 19, 2014

This video belongs here.
posted by ludwig_van at 8:01 AM on March 20, 2014

I like how the original ten-minute loop was done 3 years ago. The user must've been confused when it found new life as a dance remix and music video.

Also, I knew it would be wise to not view the music video in public... and I was right.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 1:17 AM on March 21, 2014

I thought this was going to be his laugh stretched for 10 minutes. So, I had a little play and stretched it for 1 minute and it sounds a little bit like dinosaur sounds!
posted by unliteral at 9:50 PM on April 16, 2014

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