Slothified
April 6, 2014 1:30 PM Subscribe
The woman who lost a dog and gained 200 sloths. 'Monique Pool first fell in love with sloths when she took in an orphan from a rescue centre. Since then many sloths have spent time in her home on their way back to the forest - but even she found it hard to cope when she had to rescue 200 at once' a Sloth Armageddon.
'"I realised there is a lot of bad information out there," says Pool. "For example that they are slow and dim-witted, when actually they are very smart and deliberate." She finds them far from stupid - a group of sloths learned how to open the bathroom door, and one, probably a former pet, even used the toilet. "The first time we thought it was a mistake," says Pool. "But after the fourth time we realised they had taught her how to go to the toilet."'
'Pool also thinks they have a degree of feeling in their claws. "Once when I was taking a three-toed sloth to the vet - she was miscarrying - she held my hand with her claw, as if she knew she wouldn't survive." She didn't.'
'"I realised there is a lot of bad information out there," says Pool. "For example that they are slow and dim-witted, when actually they are very smart and deliberate." She finds them far from stupid - a group of sloths learned how to open the bathroom door, and one, probably a former pet, even used the toilet. "The first time we thought it was a mistake," says Pool. "But after the fourth time we realised they had taught her how to go to the toilet."'
'Pool also thinks they have a degree of feeling in their claws. "Once when I was taking a three-toed sloth to the vet - she was miscarrying - she held my hand with her claw, as if she knew she wouldn't survive." She didn't.'
I would guess they didn't have a patch of forest that could absorb 200 sloths available -- most forest likely has its own sloths. Plus you'd need to have people there to do the release and monitor to make sure they were able to find food, and it sounds like they were utterly overwhelmed just trying to pick up the homeless ones.
posted by tavella at 1:52 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by tavella at 1:52 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
It shouldn't be this way, but man, hearing about homeless sloths makes deforestation seem unbearably cruel.
posted by zscore at 1:54 PM on April 6, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by zscore at 1:54 PM on April 6, 2014 [4 favorites]
I'm not far from Peoria, and every time I see a picture of Cat machinery clearing jungle/rainforest I can hear a PR person scream.
posted by sbutler at 1:55 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by sbutler at 1:55 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
The picture of the sloth grinning in the weighing scales is too much.
posted by jamesonandwater at 2:17 PM on April 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by jamesonandwater at 2:17 PM on April 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
It's like two-hundred sloths when all you need is a dog
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:38 PM on April 6, 2014 [15 favorites]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:38 PM on April 6, 2014 [15 favorites]
She's a glutton for sloths. I'm envious!
posted by snofoam at 2:44 PM on April 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by snofoam at 2:44 PM on April 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
do sloths have sex while hanging from tree branches?
posted by bruce at 2:54 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by bruce at 2:54 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
I am really intrigued by the differences between two- and three-toed sloths. Why do two-toed sloths not need to keep the moths that live on their fur happy?
Also: "As a machine operator carefully pushed over the 15m (50ft) trees, the sloths in the canopy would fall to the ground, where they were picked up by Pool and her volunteers. Sloths move very slowly on the ground - even when they'd like to get away fast."
posted by jeather at 3:15 PM on April 6, 2014
Also: "As a machine operator carefully pushed over the 15m (50ft) trees, the sloths in the canopy would fall to the ground, where they were picked up by Pool and her volunteers. Sloths move very slowly on the ground - even when they'd like to get away fast."
posted by jeather at 3:15 PM on April 6, 2014
Fine, good for her, though I could never be that close to so many sloths. I hate them. I was brutalized by a three-toed sloth in the Amazon basin in Peru.
We were canoeing down-river to visit a village and deliver school supplies when our guide spotted a lone sloth dangling on a thin tree branch far out over the river. He hastily changed course ("to save the sloth" he told my girlfriend, though he later informed me that the village would appreciate the meat.) He navigated the canoe toward the mewling beast, stood and plucked it from its perch. The canoe began to wobble from side to side, taking on water. "Stand!" he said. I stood and he wrapped the thing around me like a backward facing backpack. He began bailing out the boat.
I looked down into its jet eyes and then the sloth began to panic. A sloth panic happens very slowly. This is because it's a sloth. The thing opened its stupid mouth and made a hellish noise as it started crushing my spine with its beast-talons. It has a strength for crushing bones and tendons and I was convinced I would be killed. It breathed tomb-breath into my face and its fur smelled like compost. I started shouting and waving my hands, "Help! Get it off!" And everyone, everyone, everyone laughed at me. At some point the guide peeled the foul creature off of me and stuffed it in a pillow case. We arrived at the village and that night we ate meat. (I'm not sure if it was the sloth but I am hopeful.)
Sloths are fearsome and if they are provoked they will crush a man in short order. Actually in long order, but the crushing still happened. Slowly. Slowly.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 3:41 PM on April 6, 2014 [32 favorites]
We were canoeing down-river to visit a village and deliver school supplies when our guide spotted a lone sloth dangling on a thin tree branch far out over the river. He hastily changed course ("to save the sloth" he told my girlfriend, though he later informed me that the village would appreciate the meat.) He navigated the canoe toward the mewling beast, stood and plucked it from its perch. The canoe began to wobble from side to side, taking on water. "Stand!" he said. I stood and he wrapped the thing around me like a backward facing backpack. He began bailing out the boat.
I looked down into its jet eyes and then the sloth began to panic. A sloth panic happens very slowly. This is because it's a sloth. The thing opened its stupid mouth and made a hellish noise as it started crushing my spine with its beast-talons. It has a strength for crushing bones and tendons and I was convinced I would be killed. It breathed tomb-breath into my face and its fur smelled like compost. I started shouting and waving my hands, "Help! Get it off!" And everyone, everyone, everyone laughed at me. At some point the guide peeled the foul creature off of me and stuffed it in a pillow case. We arrived at the village and that night we ate meat. (I'm not sure if it was the sloth but I am hopeful.)
Sloths are fearsome and if they are provoked they will crush a man in short order. Actually in long order, but the crushing still happened. Slowly. Slowly.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 3:41 PM on April 6, 2014 [32 favorites]
Sloth Armageddon you say? Where can I sign up for this?
posted by snwod at 4:08 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by snwod at 4:08 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Slothified (adj.)
1. Overwhelmed by sloths
[...]
3. Overwhelmed by the cuteness of sloths (baby sloths in particular)
The world's most literal example of cute overload.
posted by evil otto at 4:14 PM on April 6, 2014
1. Overwhelmed by sloths
[...]
3. Overwhelmed by the cuteness of sloths (baby sloths in particular)
The world's most literal example of cute overload.
posted by evil otto at 4:14 PM on April 6, 2014
Baby_Balrog, despite being somewhat unbelievable, I don't doubt your story a bit.
But I laughed.
sorry
posted by BlueHorse at 4:31 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
But I laughed.
sorry
posted by BlueHorse at 4:31 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Sloth Armageddon is my preferred doomsday scenario.
posted by schmod at 4:37 PM on April 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by schmod at 4:37 PM on April 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
That Sloth Sanctuary in your link seems to be in Costa Rica, Sammyo. The one the OP is about is in Suriname.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:12 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by jacquilynne at 5:12 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Personally I would pronounce the plural of Sloth something like "Slothzz", but I should really try to defer to someone who cares for more Sloths than I do.
She's a glutton for sloths.
The Glutton is one of The Viviparous Quadrupeds of North America.
posted by ovvl at 5:31 PM on April 6, 2014
She's a glutton for sloths.
The Glutton is one of The Viviparous Quadrupeds of North America.
posted by ovvl at 5:31 PM on April 6, 2014
I hate them.
My ex is really happy to hear your story, and gives me permission to post hers as she rarely posts to mefi any more:
My ex is really happy to hear your story, and gives me permission to post hers as she rarely posts to mefi any more:
I am truly, deeply horrified of tree sloths. In the dark one night I woke up suddenly to see a crouching lumpy thing on top of my dresser and was convinced beyond all rationalization that it was a sloth, come to get me. (It was a sweater.)posted by dmd at 6:12 PM on April 6, 2014 [8 favorites]
Now, the more I think about them, the more they scare me. They have those flat black button eyes that never focus, they just stare. Have you ever looked at their claws? They are six inches long, and could julienne your liver with zero effort.
But the creeping slowness, the inexorable, malevolent lethargy is what terrifies me. I have nightmares where a sloth is chasing me, but there is no motion. I run and run until I’m cramping and sick and when I turn back, there are more of them, in the trees, just there. Just staring. I turn to run again and there are more all above me. They never blink. They don’t look angry, or even interested.
It’s a passionless evil, the crouching slouching creeping sleepy sickly evil of an oil spill, or a cancer. Sometimes I fear that one will wrap its too-long arms around me, and I will be paralyzed. The hug will go on forever, crushing the breath and the life out of me, but so, so slowly. Civilizations rise and fall and I am trapped interminably, unable to breathe, unable to lose consciousness, while the sloth looks blankly at a banana six feet away.
Some Ancient Sloths Ventured Into the Ocean, Study Says
posted by homunculus at 6:27 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by homunculus at 6:27 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
I listened to this program early one morning over a month ago, and it made me a little sad.
Pool said her favorite moment was when she released the sloths. And when the sloths saw trees they would begin swimming in her arms like a baby.
And I happened to be watching Gregory Crewdson: Brief Encounters on Netflix that morning.
Crewdson likes to swim in the lakes near where he grew up. And there he was, swimming across a lake.
posted by sirlikeitalot at 6:56 PM on April 6, 2014
Pool said her favorite moment was when she released the sloths. And when the sloths saw trees they would begin swimming in her arms like a baby.
And I happened to be watching Gregory Crewdson: Brief Encounters on Netflix that morning.
Crewdson likes to swim in the lakes near where he grew up. And there he was, swimming across a lake.
posted by sirlikeitalot at 6:56 PM on April 6, 2014
I am really intrigued by the differences between two- and three-toed sloths. Why do two-toed sloths not need to keep the moths that live on their fur happy?
I think they are not so closely related. In that, they're both sloths, but they diverged millions of years ago and have been evolving different niches in slothdom for a long time.
posted by snofoam at 9:19 PM on April 6, 2014
I think they are not so closely related. In that, they're both sloths, but they diverged millions of years ago and have been evolving different niches in slothdom for a long time.
posted by snofoam at 9:19 PM on April 6, 2014
Sometimes in a FPP the one crucial item of information that makes the post magic is hidden amongst all of the links. In this case, the video embedded in the article linked in the FPP is where all of the magic is - in which the truth of slothified as being overwhelmed by sloth cuteness is made apparent for all to see.
posted by ianhattwick at 10:06 PM on April 6, 2014
posted by ianhattwick at 10:06 PM on April 6, 2014
Sloths used to be rrrrrreally fucking big.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:36 PM on April 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 10:36 PM on April 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
Nadia De Moraes-Barros, a researcher with the Anteater, Sloth and Armadillo Specialist Group.
My university utterly failed me. I could have been a sloth researcher but, noooooo, no one ever breathed a whispered hint of that possibility.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:15 PM on April 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
My university utterly failed me. I could have been a sloth researcher but, noooooo, no one ever breathed a whispered hint of that possibility.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:15 PM on April 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
The video of sloths taking a bath seems to be from the sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica that Sammyo mentioned. So I don't know if I should like it or not.
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:52 AM on April 7, 2014
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:52 AM on April 7, 2014
I like sloths. I thank you for this Sloth post on Monday morning. It was slotherrific. Thank you to those who have exposed themselves as sloth haters in this discussion, you have been marked and someone will slowly get around to doing something about it.
posted by Atreides at 7:53 AM on April 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Atreides at 7:53 AM on April 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Sloths used to be rrrrrreally fucking big.
That skeleton is posed like an actor about to launch into "Alas, poor Yorick". An actor with a ginormous chin and very aquiline nose.
/Whattaya know, my spellcheck doesn't flag "ginormous".
posted by benito.strauss at 8:18 AM on April 7, 2014
That skeleton is posed like an actor about to launch into "Alas, poor Yorick". An actor with a ginormous chin and very aquiline nose.
/Whattaya know, my spellcheck doesn't flag "ginormous".
posted by benito.strauss at 8:18 AM on April 7, 2014
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On a more serious note, I'm sort of confused why they rescued all those sloths during slothageddon instead of simply relocating them immediately? It seems like taking them home to live in a human house for even a short time would be more damaging than just taking them to another patch of forest right away.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:44 PM on April 6, 2014 [3 favorites]