There are no humans in Star Wars.
May 11, 2014 2:00 PM   Subscribe

 
This is a very fun and ornate way of saying that Lucas can't write recognizably human characters.
posted by brundlefly at 2:17 PM on May 11, 2014 [25 favorites]


NOT THE BEES!!!
posted by wabbittwax at 2:22 PM on May 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Disturbingly plausible.
posted by DoctorFedora at 2:45 PM on May 11, 2014 [7 favorites]


I guess Obi Wan uses the phrase "wretched hive of scum and villainy" for a reason.
posted by yoink at 2:48 PM on May 11, 2014 [51 favorites]


I don't think it's just that Lucas can't write recognizably human characters, but also that he's awful at variety and diversity in terms of gender. I love Star Wars, but that's something that bothers me about the whole thing (and most sci fi/fantasy that isn't by Iain M Banks or China Mieville).
posted by Ouverture at 2:54 PM on May 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


I love theories like this: theories that take the problems with a particular media franchise or story and extrapolate a ridiculous headcanon from the existing constraints. Which he points out in the, er, stinger.

(Also, interesting to see that this has turned up on the Tor blog, because I'm pretty sure I linked to it on his blog in comments on something Star Wars related recently.)
posted by immlass at 3:24 PM on May 11, 2014


It’s possible that Han is in fact a drone and doesn’t know it

*blink* What, like that other Harrison Ford character?
posted by dywypi at 4:22 PM on May 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


This is a very fun and ornate way of saying that Lucas can't write recognizably human characters.

I think it's supposed to be a fun and ornate way of saying Lucas didn't bother to write any women into his world.

(I thought the last par laid that on pretty thick, but maybe not!)
posted by bonaldi at 4:32 PM on May 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I love theories like this: theories that take the problems with a particular media franchise or story and extrapolate a ridiculous headcanon from the existing constraints.

You would probably really enjoy looking into the history of something called a "no prize" which was a part of comic book letters page write-ins back in the 1980s. Some of the responses were downright amazing (and sometimes way better than the actual writing of the book in question).
posted by trackofalljades at 4:45 PM on May 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Damn, most of the Google hits for that are incorrect or incomplete, especially Wikipedia. The big deal about a "no prize" was that you were not awarded one for writing in to state a continuity issue or gaff, but rather for writing in with an elaborate (and potentially ridiculous or convoluted) explanation of why a given plot hole or screwup in fact made perfect sense.

You were also honor bound never ever to reveal what a no prize actually was, so it was always unclear to most kids whether the letters were even real, or just the writers having fun with each other.
posted by trackofalljades at 4:49 PM on May 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


this kind of retcon really broadens possible applications of the Bechdel test
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 6:07 PM on May 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure that I buy this. Low number of females plus little talk about family is far from unique to Star Wars. By this criteria, a lot of other shows and movies are about bees, too.
posted by JHarris at 6:43 PM on May 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


I thought it was obvious that any similarities between Star Wars "humans" and eukaryotic life was purely coincidental, given that living creatures in the Star Wars universe have an organelle responsible for generating a force that has effects on a cosmological scale. Really we have more similarity to bacteria than Star Wars life forms. Undoubtedly this is an evolutionary response to living in a non-Einsteinian, Non-Newtonian universe.
posted by happyroach at 6:55 PM on May 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


I'm not sure that I buy this. Low number of females plus little talk about family is far from unique to Star Wars. By this criteria, a lot of other shows and movies are about bees, too.
posted by JHarris at 10:43 AM on May 12


Cue slow grimace of recognition of gradually encroaching terror in three… two…
posted by DoctorFedora at 7:11 PM on May 11, 2014 [13 favorites]


You would probably really enjoy looking into the history of something called a "no prize" which was a part of comic book letters page write-ins back in the 1980s.

I'm old enough to remember no-prizes, though I never won any myself, not being a letter-to-the-editor kind of comic reader.
posted by immlass at 7:43 PM on May 11, 2014


Food for thought. Not really good food. More like marshmallows, or beef jerky for thought.
posted by bleep at 8:22 PM on May 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I don't think "if this was true, a lot of things might actually be about bees" is a valid argument. Maybe a lot of stuff is just about bees. Or other species with similar reproductive/social strategies, like ants and I think Salarians.
posted by NoraReed at 8:32 PM on May 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


It is valid to compare the thesis of the article to the null hypothesis (the "default position").

You could interpret it that as a statement about where fiction has gotten us, more than a statement about Star Wars. I'd prefer that actually. There's already enough things about Star Wars.
posted by JHarris at 12:37 AM on May 12, 2014


NO

EVERYTHING IS BEES

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
posted by NoraReed at 12:52 AM on May 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


I think it's supposed to be a fun and ornate way of saying Lucas didn't bother to write any women into his world.

(I thought the last par laid that on pretty thick, but maybe not!)


Why on Earth would I let the actual text get in the way of a cheap shot at Lucas?
posted by brundlefly at 12:57 AM on May 12, 2014


Great bees have little bees upon their backs to sting 'em.
And little bees have lesser bees, down to the basest item.
And the great bees themselves cavort upon the backs of bees still bigger.
Into this I will not delve lest someone's entomophobia I trigger.
posted by JHarris at 3:23 AM on May 12, 2014 [7 favorites]


You know who else has difficulty with scansion?

Bees.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:23 AM on May 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


"Merry Christmas, Hawke -- BOOM fucking bees in your face."
posted by aught at 4:46 AM on May 12, 2014


Why on Earth would I let the actual text get in the way of a cheap shot at Lucas?

You think either scenario speaks well of Lucas?
posted by kmz at 5:31 AM on May 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Maybe Star Wars is humans and we are the bees.

did you think of that
posted by curious nu at 7:26 AM on May 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


This is really really good, and explains a lot! Especially the part when Leia says to Luke "i think we should just BEE friends because Han is my HONEY, so BUZZ off" and Luke responds "yes i am literally a BEE"
posted by Greg Nog at 7:40 AM on May 12, 2014 [8 favorites]


BEADS?
posted by entropicamericana at 11:35 AM on May 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Wait, does this mean the Halo games take place in the Star Wars universe as well?
posted by FatherDagon at 2:46 PM on May 12, 2014


God I can't believe nobody said "may the Force BEE with you"

Really dropped the ball here
It's cool I got your back
posted by jake at 10:49 PM on May 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


Really dropped the ball here

No, you want to talk about dropping the ball?

No one's mentioned that this absolutely explains Bea Arthur's involvement with Star Wars, and by extension, the rest of the Holiday Special.
posted by radwolf76 at 11:01 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


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