Ass and You Shall Receive
August 4, 2014 5:04 AM   Subscribe

It is filled with history.

You may kill with it; compose and sing about it; navigate around it; make maps and measure; use it for defense, a weapon (1 & 2) or commentary. Wounding it can save you, but you will need to know the differences before being critiqued by one or you will be confused in your choices of how to dress it. You could just simply harvest it, but you shall know when you see the divine version of it and may be moved to paint it or simply build a stellar artistic career around it, but be sure to get it insured and do not get in trouble for it.

This post came about from a Mefi meetups in the Twin Cities and had been contemplated for a while, consider this the prelude to the requested posting on enemas.
posted by jadepearl (22 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Beaver milking is not a career path I had considered before now...
posted by jim in austin at 5:33 AM on August 4, 2014 [2 favorites]

Well, with friends like this, who needs enemas?
posted by Naberius at 5:47 AM on August 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

And if it ever starts to talk, God help you...
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:53 AM on August 4, 2014

The twitter bot everyword recently completed its task of tweeting every word in the English language. The project has been taken up by a new bot...
posted by moonmilk at 6:02 AM on August 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

OK, not to thread sit, but let me offer further entertainment on the food front from the back side: I feel that I have not followed Ron Swanson's advice in dealing with this post.
posted by jadepearl at 6:08 AM on August 4, 2014

Pretty much anything I say in this thread is gonna be eponysterical.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:08 AM on August 4, 2014 [9 favorites]

I’ll have you know that I spent the week after the TC meetup telling everyone the good news about historical butt deaths. A death by butt missionary, if you will.
posted by dinty_moore at 6:20 AM on August 4, 2014

Okay, fine, I do have something else to contribute -

There's a trivia contest I used to be really into that was for a time based out of the radio station at Williams College in Massachusetts. It was an 8-hour mammoth radio call-in thing, but there were also occasional "bonus rounds" of written tests that you had to send someone to the radio station to collect, and you'd be given an hour (for the short ones) or four hours (for the long ones) to complete and turn in your answers. And one year, the team running the contest created an entire four-hour bonus round about "booty".

The file is here, complete with a sound clip where you had to listen and identify the snips of audio of people saying or singing "booty". There is an answer key (although it is a bit incomplete). Have fun.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:24 AM on August 4, 2014 [2 favorites]

I like this post and I cannot lie.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:16 AM on August 4, 2014 [3 favorites]

If only they could talk? There's a song about that...
posted by Devonian at 7:17 AM on August 4, 2014

Cannot recall his name (anyone?), but there was a moneyed English eccentric who once threw a dinner party for a group of men all strangers to one another and bewildered as to why they should be thrown together.

That is, until they started to introduce themselves: Bottomley, Higginbottom, Shufflebottom, Longbottom, Ramsbottom, etc. ad nauseam. (No one laughed more than they!)

(Did not open all the cites, so forgive me if this is a repeat of something.)
posted by IndigoJones at 8:11 AM on August 4, 2014 [2 favorites]

“I lift up the animal’s tail,” said Joanne Crawford, a wildlife ecologist at Southern Illinois University, “and I’m like, ‘Get down there, and stick your nose near its bum.’”


The fragrant, brown slime is about the consistency of molasses, though not quite as thick, Crawford said.

The "Metafilter:" comments write themselves.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:26 AM on August 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

Although I wish this FPP had more analysis to it.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:27 AM on August 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

GenjiandProust: Are you perhaps looking into Rumpology?
posted by dinty_moore at 8:33 AM on August 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

lol these.
posted by The Whelk at 9:12 AM on August 4, 2014

It is filled with history.

Is that what we're calling it now? I guess it is long and a source of endless fascination and humor.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 9:26 AM on August 4, 2014

That's why it's so big, it's filled with secrets.
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 AM on August 4, 2014

I'm pretty sure that, as a result of this post, cortex either lost or won a bet. BUTTSLOL4LYF
posted by benito.strauss at 10:04 AM on August 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

What will Horace Rumpole think of this thread?
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:38 AM on August 4, 2014

Does this comment make the thread look big?
posted by uosuaq at 7:58 PM on August 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

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