HelmetCams

August 7, 2014 9:51 AM

Ultimate Close Call Compilation
posted by the man of twists and turns (56 comments total)

god the aligator
and all the other things
the world is a terrifying place
posted by entropone at 9:59 AM on August 7, 2014

Fucking dickhead --- what a silly dick.

As usual the English have the right words for it.
posted by MartinWisse at 10:00 AM on August 7, 2014 [10 favorites]

The Formula 1 driver who adjusts his mirror after the close call. Classic.
posted by ikahime at 10:01 AM on August 7, 2014 [21 favorites]

How do people SURVIVE these?!?! Remind me never to go outside again
posted by rebent at 10:03 AM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

after another car flies over his left ear, so close that it knocks the side mirror askew, the racecar driver primly readjusts it. safety first, okay?
posted by Zerowensboring at 10:04 AM on August 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

*B-52s "Love Shack" plays in background*
*nearly dies"
posted by Fizz at 10:04 AM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

The kid jumping from his roof into his pool OMG OMG.
posted by aclevername at 10:04 AM on August 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

preview!
posted by Zerowensboring at 10:04 AM on August 7, 2014

The snow sliding one at around 50 sec in, there's a cliff at the end of that presumably? Not seeing the cliff does not inspire the secondhand terror I know I should be feeling.
posted by elizardbits at 10:07 AM on August 7, 2014

nope nope nope. I officially do not have a constitution strong enough to tolerate these.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 10:10 AM on August 7, 2014 [3 favorites]

why do my feet sweat when I watch these kinds of things? it's like when your palms sweat when you're nervous, except feet.
posted by desjardins at 10:22 AM on August 7, 2014 [6 favorites]

Strangely cathartic; I've had dozens of these, but it's the ones where I didn't quite escape that are the problem.
posted by jamjam at 10:25 AM on August 7, 2014

I bailed when I saw the kid my son's age ready to back flip off the roof. I don't need to see that [almost] happening.
posted by spacely_sprocket at 10:27 AM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Well, my amygdala was feeling a little sluggish today.
posted by ernielundquist at 10:27 AM on August 7, 2014 [6 favorites]

I officially do not have a constitution strong enough to tolerate these.

You may not but some of the people in said clips obviously have a pretty high Constitution. Too bad they didn't level up their Wisdom or Intelligence as well.
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:34 AM on August 7, 2014 [9 favorites]

At 1m18s, I'm gonna call that a "what the fuck horse".
posted by benito.strauss at 10:38 AM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

At 1m18s, I'm gonna call that a "what the fuck horse".

Goddamn Amish hotrodders again! (Hot trotters?)
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:42 AM on August 7, 2014 [5 favorites]

I love these compilations. I've got no desire to see someone get mangled or killed, but close calls are a blast. As are pretty much any Russian dash cam video, or any footage of a skateboarder rail-sliding down a stair case and landing on their crotch.
posted by thecjm at 10:45 AM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Alligator Dad: "Did I tell you about that time I almost got Antonio. . . "
Hatchlings: "YES, Dad. Only about a million times."
Alligator Dad: "Damn kids."
posted by The Bellman at 10:55 AM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Car not crushed by a boulder.
posted by marvin at 11:01 AM on August 7, 2014 [5 favorites]

You may not but some of the people in said clips obviously have a pretty high Constitution. Too bad they didn't level up their Wisdom or Intelligence as well.

I believe you mean Dex *sips tea* /pedant
posted by Twain Device at 11:04 AM on August 7, 2014 [5 favorites]

Car not crushed by a boulder.

My favorite part of that video is the following car with the dashcam, that s-l-o-w-l-y and quietly backs away from any potential follow-up avalanching. You can almost see the car's hands held up in front of it in a "whoa, now" gesture.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:06 AM on August 7, 2014 [5 favorites]

I've got no desire to see someone get mangled or killed, but close calls are a blast. As are pretty much any Russian dash cam video

But.. that's what Russian dash cams videos are, someone getting mangled or killed.

However there are some good ones where life and art come together (all non-graphic):

*Spooky Girl
*Spitting Man
*The Birds
*Monkey Man
*Slow Accident
*Heavy Metal Parking Lot
posted by stbalbach at 11:08 AM on August 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

The Formula 1 driver who adjusts his mirror after the close call. Classic.

It's not Formula 1, but stuff like that happens in F1 as well.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 11:09 AM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

this is like one of those campfire stories that doesn't have a jumpy scare at the end. there's no release. gotta watch a regular fail video now.
posted by dogwalker at 11:13 AM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Antonio should have at least lost his expensive camera. If you're not going to show respect and reverence for the fact that the thing you're trying to photograph can rip you apart, you don't get fancy toys.
posted by ZaneJ. at 11:14 AM on August 7, 2014

My favorite part of that video is the following car with the dashcam

My favorite part is how you can see, at about 4 seconds in, the boulder come loose from the top of the hill and start its way down.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:22 AM on August 7, 2014 [11 favorites]

I wish there were tracks like the Nordschleife all over, so that people could take their dumb cars and get the dumbness out of their dumb systems instead of trying to drive like a race driver in their dumb regular cars with their dumb suspensions and brakes on our highways and city streets.
posted by ob1quixote at 11:31 AM on August 7, 2014 [3 favorites]

The compilation fails because it doesn't have "Car not crushed by a boulder." Any close call compilation that does not include "Car not crushed by a boulder." should be ashamed of itself.
posted by nooneyouknow at 11:31 AM on August 7, 2014

It's not Formula 1, but ...

My bad. My brother will kill me.
posted by ikahime at 11:58 AM on August 7, 2014

When these sorts of things happen to me, I always -- always -- have a delayed reaction to them.

For example, I'll have a close call driving in to work, arrive at work, go to meetings, chat with co-workers, etc. Then I'll be at my desk, sending emails and responding to meeting invitations and I'll pause. "Wait...I could have frickin' died when that idiot swerved into my lane. WHAT. THE. FUCK!"

And then I'll let it slide for the rest of the day until I get home and enjoy the hell out of that after work beer.
posted by lord_wolf at 12:10 PM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

I guess that one guy wanted to high-five an airplane before as he died?
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:27 PM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

I love these compilations. I've got no desire to see someone get mangled or killed, but close calls are a blast.

Am I the only one who thinks vice versa? I'd rather see the smashes and crashes.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:39 PM on August 7, 2014

The World Famous: “Tracks that allow unmodified cars at certain times are pretty common in the U.S.”

Only kinda. You can turn up at the Nordschleifen with almost anything that will pass a German safety inspection and pay $40 to turn a lap.

At my local track, Road Atlanta, there is no similar program. They have track days, but you have to pay to join one of the clubs, pay a registration fee, pay a tech inspection fee, et cetera, ad nauseam. You're looking at several hundred dollars minimum.

You can turn up for a "run what you brung" night at the Atlanta Dragway and run the strip for $20, but that's not the same as cutting some corners.

There's autocross or whatever, but most of the events are in parking lots. Not to mention it's not cheap either.

Anyway, I guess what I was really saying is I wish everyone would slow down and drive more carefully on the road. Virtually no one is as good a driver as they think they are, and lots of cars are barely safe to drive carefully at the speed limit. The bus slowing down and stopping should not be seen as an opportunity to step on the gas.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:41 PM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Being from Boston, the driving ones impressed me the least. Take a supercut of just the car near-misses - that's my commute home every day.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:57 PM on August 7, 2014

Am I the only one who thinks vice versa? I'd rather see the smashes and crashes.


I like the ones where there's a crash, but through some miracle, the people involved walk away unscathed. Like this fellow: "Hmmm, it's a bit chilly out- think I'll take a jacket."


Boy when you type "Russia truck crash" into Youtube, it sure returns a lot of results.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:03 PM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

I like the ones where there's a crash, but through some miracle, the people involved walk away unscathed.

This one.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:21 PM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

The snow sliding one at around 50 sec in, there's a cliff at the end of that presumably? Not seeing the cliff does not inspire the secondhand terror I know I should be feeling.

Eerily reminiscent of this: Russia Zorb Death: Denis Burakov Killed In Caucasus Mountains Ride (VIDEO)
posted by whyareyouatriangle at 1:24 PM on August 7, 2014

A little after the two-minute mark, you can hear "Ой, ебать!" That's Russian for "Oh, fuck!" (This has been my contribution to Multicultural August.)
posted by languagehat at 1:50 PM on August 7, 2014 [7 favorites]

languagehat- do you have a roman-alphabet or IPA pronunciation for that?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:15 PM on August 7, 2014

Oj, ebat' would be it roughly (no IPA on my phone).
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:17 PM on August 7, 2014

do you have a roman-alphabet or IPA pronunciation for that?

Well, you can hear how it's pronounced a little after the two-minute mark.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 2:33 PM on August 7, 2014 [3 favorites]

The world is a dangerous place. Populated largely by morons.
posted by gottabefunky at 2:38 PM on August 7, 2014 [3 favorites]

Well, you can hear how it's pronounced a little after the two-minute mark.

To be fair, there is a lot of noise and hubbub about then.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:03 PM on August 7, 2014

And, now, I'm going to go wrap my children in bubble wrap. Thanks, OP.
posted by bpm140 at 4:44 PM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

I had to stop the video after the fourth one, I think -- the one where that woman starts walking across the crest of a snow-hill and a skiier comes flying over and almost crashes into her.

Noping so hard. (Any why was that guy smiling after that water-skier flew past his noggin? YOU FOOL.)
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 4:58 PM on August 7, 2014

rebent: "How do people SURVIVE these?!?!"

Well, often they don't, but it's against Youtube's T&C to upload that. You'll need to go to Liveleak for those.

Anyway, calls don't get any closer than this (Circuit of Ireland, 1995).
posted by brokkr at 5:10 PM on August 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

> languagehat- do you have a roman-alphabet or IPA pronunciation for that?

It sounds something like "Oy! ye-BAT(y)!" (where the y in parens indicates a strongly palatalized t, almost verging on ch).
posted by languagehat at 5:20 PM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

(Circuit of Ireland, 1995)

A true photographer - misses getting creamed by mere centimeters, has the sang-froid to snap off a couple pics before he runs to help out.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:32 PM on August 7, 2014

Also, if you do things like ride a bicycle in a major metropolitan area with a lot of traffic and really terrible drivers, you develop a sort of sangfroid for this sort of thing. After you get hit by cars a couple of times, you hardly even notice the close calls.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:35 PM on August 7, 2014

I'm glad no one was hurt but man can you imagine the awesome story that getting kicked by a horse (in harness no less) while riding your motorcycle would generate if you survived?
posted by Mitheral at 8:03 PM on August 7, 2014

Ah, a supercut of nonononoyes. For for the curious but squeemish, here's a a cat NOT destroying a building, just for you ;)
posted by pwnguin at 9:43 PM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Over the last 2 and a half years, I've logged about 10K miles on SF streets, with more than half of those miles gained by riding SF's perimeter.

I started wearing a helmet camera and THE SHIT I'VE SEEN boggles my mind.

Many cyclists run reds, run stops, ride against traffic, ride on the sidewalk, crowd into lefthand blindspots of right-turning autos, etc.

Motorists are mostly OK, but with surprising frequency they menace me (try to crowd me out, race up behind me, blare their horn even when I'm cycling within the law), and I can't count how many times I've yelled, "Put your phone down!" at texting drivers.

Pedestrians though. OMG PEDESTRIANS ARE DUMB. When peds jaywalk (I swear I'm not making this up) and see oncoming traffic they actually TURN THEIR HEADS IN THE OTHER DIRECTION as if not looking at the traffic will make it disappear.

Also, Peds see there are fewer than 5 seconds on the countdown timer and (often as not) begin strolling through the crosswalk, heedless of the autos now RACING for the green and stranding me at the stop bar. I bet I bark "heads up!" 3 times for every downtown mile I ride.

tl;dr: for the love of all that's good, right, and safe, please stop jaywalking, stop texting and driving, and obey traffic laws if you're on your bike.
posted by mistersquid at 10:31 PM on August 7, 2014

I think my fave has always been the snowmobiler's close call cliff fall. Although that alligator one is terrifyingly awesome.
posted by peterdarbyshire at 10:36 PM on August 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Spoiler alert.
posted by elwoodwiles at 10:51 PM on August 7, 2014

Here's another classic snowmobiler close call. Youtube link. A big run up the mountain, and a crazy slide down. Then, at the 1:40 mark, wait for the encore.
posted by jjj606 at 6:50 AM on August 8, 2014 [1 favorite]