High-quality role playing, guys.

September 9, 2014 5:45 AM

Out of Context D&D Quotes (Not all quotes guaranteed to be out of context or from D&D)
posted by griphus (32 comments total)

Ha ha. Thanks I needed to laugh this am. Not making getting to work easy though.
posted by Jalliah at 6:17 AM on September 9, 2014

Right now, he's a psychic abomination that lives in your brother.

Anyone who has a brother realizes that this is a very basic tautology. As a brother with brothers, I do not exempt myself from this classification.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:20 AM on September 9, 2014 [6 favorites]

This is wonderful. (Previously and hilariously)
posted by echocollate at 6:28 AM on September 9, 2014

MetaFilter: It is all one word.
posted by Smart Dalek at 6:29 AM on September 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

Druid: *looks* No I spell Eric with a C

Why is it always the fucking druids? God damn, I used to hate guys who played druids.

disclaimer: my very first character was a Druid. With a light saber. But I learned better!
posted by Naberius at 7:01 AM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

Druid: *looks* No I spell Eric with a C

I just got to this too and if anyone is on a conference call where someone just started to do this kind of muffled snorting thing, hi!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:12 AM on September 9, 2014 [6 favorites]

Unfortunately, Elixirs of Love do not work on dire bears.

I can't be the only one who read that in Morbo's voice.
posted by Mayor West at 7:15 AM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

Fighter: I think there’s one of them snake people in there.

Wizard: You mean a naga?

Fighter: … Dude, I don’t think it’s okay for you to use that word.



"Just because he’s a Demon Lord doesn’t mean he’s not into consent. We have a safe-word and everything."

"That’s good of him."

-Party wizard explaining why her demon/ anti-paladin lover is totally okay to the cavalier


No wonder this blog is on Tumblr.
posted by magstheaxe at 7:15 AM on September 9, 2014 [3 favorites]

the return of BBS quotes? huh. time is a flat circle, indeed, rust cohle.
posted by gorestainedrunes at 7:32 AM on September 9, 2014 [4 favorites]

"When all else fails, throw the Gnome."

In my game, it was the Kender, and it certainly wasn't the last thing my players tried.
posted by mrgoat at 7:35 AM on September 9, 2014

"I’m going to build a backup multiverse, in case the others end up destroying this one."

I didn't even need to check to know this was from Amber Diceless.
posted by ursus_comiter at 7:54 AM on September 9, 2014 [3 favorites]

Druid: "Welcome to Goodberry home of the Goodberry."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:56 AM on September 9, 2014

One of my gamer friends regularly reblogs those, particularly ones that could have come from the Amber PBEM my husband and I run.
posted by immlass at 8:02 AM on September 9, 2014

"I hope Stegosaurus-senpai notices me today."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:13 AM on September 9, 2014

Unfortunately not overheard by me, a favorite is one my friend heard. He was browsing in a game store where some RPG was happening, and overheard this:

"My ninja shoots him in the head 37 times."

It's glorious.
posted by Legomancer at 9:25 AM on September 9, 2014

My favourite AD&D quote from my playing days was from a much younger kid who joined in on just one of games because his mom needed emergency baby-sitting:

"What's your move?"

"I remain calm"

It became my life philosophy even though the context of a tied up dwarf being lowered head first through a trapdoor into a hallway full of orcs has never actually happened to me.
posted by srboisvert at 10:00 AM on September 9, 2014 [9 favorites]

This is hilarious. Thanks so much for the laugh this morning.

We are not playing Michael Bay’s Cthulhu
—The GM, during a car chase
-
Roll to throw the halfling into the dark hallway
—Chaotic Netural Barbarian Half-orc, tired of waiting multiple turns for the Rogue to finish his trap detecting rolls on the extremely suspicious hallway
-
"This is my therapy dragon, she’s for my panic attacks. I attack, everyone panics."
-
"A giant Mushroom! Maybe it’s friendly!"
-Our druid, moments before being torn to shreds by a colony of Violet Fungi.
-
Witch: Hey, my fox familiar can talk to other foxes for local gossip.
Oracle: Yeah, but you can’t rely on fox news.
-
GM: “Ok guys, you need a name for your brothel franchise.”
Friend:” Mcbrothel?”
Me: “Nah man, i have the perfect name “Laid Zeppelin…”
posted by zarq at 10:14 AM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

My favorite from an old Shadowrun session I was involved in:

PC1- "There might be surveillance. We should probably disguise our identities. I put on my baklava."

PC2- "Good idea. I put on mine as well."

PC1- "Wait, I meant balaclava, not baklava."

GM- "To be fair, having sticky Greek pastry smeared all over your face would be a pretty decent disguise."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:46 AM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

In high school my friends' black metal band was briefly named Baklava until one of them showed up to practice, found out about the new name and let them know what that word meant.
posted by griphus at 10:48 AM on September 9, 2014

"We outclass all these monsters. Let's just save some time… <rolls 17> …we plunder the first level. What do we find?"
posted by ob1quixote at 11:34 AM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

No wonder this blog is on Tumblr.

Just imagine what it'd be like on Reddit.
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:34 AM on September 9, 2014

So possibly the picture is a Malkavian who totally thinks they can do blood magic but really they're just throwing pigs blood at people like Carrie"

I am dying.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:44 AM on September 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

One of my favorites from years and years of gaming.

I was running Call of Cthulhu with the Scooby Gang as PCs, including a talking Scooby. The big bad monster had been flushed out and was attacking. Fred and Daphne were already dead. Scooby had been badly injured and Shaggy and Velma were facing a knife wielding monstrosity standing over their faithful friend. A good buddy of mine was playing Velma.

Velma: "Run, Shaggy!"

Shaggy: "But, but Scooby..."

Velma: "WE CAN ALWAYS GET ANOTHER DOG!"
posted by ursus_comiter at 12:18 PM on September 9, 2014 [9 favorites]

Not from this Tumblr, but should be: Hey, remember back when we didn't just solve everything with murderfucking?


nsfw, obvs.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:36 PM on September 9, 2014 [5 favorites]

So possibly the picture is a Malkavian who totally thinks they can do blood magic but really they're just throwing pigs blood at people like Carrie"

My friend once played a Malkavian who had maxed-out auspex and paid for it by taking the flaw: blind and the derangement: unaware she is blind.

The DM had a hell of a time with that one.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:42 PM on September 9, 2014 [3 favorites]

These are really, no-shit, hilarious.

We are not playing Michael Bay’s Cthulhu
—The GM, during a car chase

Actually, the dirty secret of every Cthulhu game ever is that they invariably start out Blair Witch Project and end up Bad Boys II with tommy guns.
posted by Sebmojo at 2:36 PM on September 9, 2014 [4 favorites]

Eric Withakay is probably the high point of my day here.
posted by kafziel at 3:00 PM on September 9, 2014 [4 favorites]

Barbarian: I’m just saying, if the game was more like the old dos games back in the day, we’d move a lot faster.

GM: Alright, we can do that. Roll a d20.

Barbarian: *rolls* 13.

Gm: Congrats! you have died of dysentery.


I think I just hurt myself laughing...
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 3:42 PM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

I would like to hear more about that Scooby-thulhu game.
posted by Iridic at 8:23 PM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

One of the favorites from my group.

GM: ...guys, why do we have jobs when Ghostride is apparently a genius drug dealer?
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:36 PM on September 9, 2014

Some favorites from my games:

"Doesn't that require a human sacrifice?"
"Well, yeah."
"... Wouldn't that make a bad first impression?"

"Well, would you at least be willing to let *something* impregnate you?"

"Um, we kind of set the Second Coming in motion."
"Why is that a bad thing?"
"Have you ever read Revelation?"

"Due to a poor translation, you are known as the one who got eaten by a jelly donut."

"So... you step over innumerable unique archaeological finds in order to get to the BIG SHINY THING?"

"These ... things ... they're still alive after being buried under the antarctic ice for thousands of years? Do you know what this MEANS?"
"Yes! It means we're getting TENURE!"

"You're on fire."
"Do I notice?"
"Yes, in your calm appraisal of the room, you notice you are on fire."
posted by kyrademon at 8:56 AM on September 10, 2014 [4 favorites]

While we're sharing:

Doris: I think we've picked up a tail.
Don: What? We shouldn't be mutating! The radiation on this world is -
Doris: I meant that someone is following us!

Sidrophael: I don't have a human name in this host.
Don's player: My deer name is "(bleating noises)"

Sidrophael (in deer form): Do you *sense* me?
Doris: Are you hitting on me?


... I miss tabletop sometimes.
posted by mordax at 9:24 AM on September 10, 2014 [2 favorites]