lol butts
September 16, 2014 2:11 PM   Subscribe

 
Guess how this makes me feel.
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:12 PM on September 16, 2014 [83 favorites]


I dunno, my summer was actually a bit meh.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:14 PM on September 16, 2014 [15 favorites]


Oh god the comment list for this is going to be like "roll call of Mefites with butt-oriented names cracking jokes", isn't it?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:14 PM on September 16, 2014 [17 favorites]


every summer is the summer of butts , when you have a butt
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 2:17 PM on September 16, 2014 [5 favorites]


Goes along with this pretty funny Gawker trendpiece: The Booty Eating Renaissance.
posted by klangklangston at 2:20 PM on September 16, 2014 [3 favorites]


This is like the first EW-declared trend I've ever been WAY out in front of. Like by decades.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:22 PM on September 16, 2014 [6 favorites]


Everybody's got a butt.
posted by The Whelk at 2:22 PM on September 16, 2014






Guess how this makes me feel.

Sprung?
posted by entropicamericana at 2:25 PM on September 16, 2014 [46 favorites]


PANTS, PANTS, SING THE PRAISES OF PANTS
posted by JHarris at 2:26 PM on September 16, 2014 [3 favorites]


Clearly rstevens was channeling the zeitgeist when he unveiled his #BUTTS.
posted by lantius at 2:27 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


Umberto Eco: " Thought abhors pants."
posted by The Whelk at 2:27 PM on September 16, 2014 [3 favorites]


Judging from the people that dominated the news cycle this summer, this was the Summer of Asses.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 2:27 PM on September 16, 2014 [10 favorites]


The best part of my weekend was my (Irish, liltingly-accented) dear friend reading that Gawker article out loud to us.

Also: my butt is awesome, and every summer is a summer of butts. BUTTS.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 2:28 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


so if i took a time machine back to 1967 and kidnapped a bunch of hippies back to summer of 2014 we could have the summer of butt-love?
posted by pyramid termite at 2:28 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


You know, R. Kelly was way out in front on this anallingus song trend. Something to reflect on.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 2:28 PM on September 16, 2014


I'm going to get a tattoo of a butt with a tattoo of a butt on it and I'm going to get it right on my butt.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:29 PM on September 16, 2014 [8 favorites]


I wish they'd shared this information with us before there were only six days left in which to make the most of Butt Summer-related activities.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:30 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh I was just reading this over at Ny Magazine; it got a little too spicy for me so I closed the tab (there's a "consider yourselves warned" warning third para in), but note the hidden joke in the url.

Are butts in the air or something. *guffaw*
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 2:31 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


My thoughts drift back to that long, harsh summer of 2004, dubbed by historians The Summer Of No Butts. We don't speak of it in polite company, but it constantly weighs heavy on my mind.
posted by naju at 2:33 PM on September 16, 2014 [9 favorites]


You know, R. Kelly was way out in front on this anallingus song trend.

Actually, he was behind.1

*rimshot*2

1 I like big puns and I cannot lie.3
2 Double entendres, too.
3 I could go on and on. But I'll stop here.

posted by me3dia at 2:35 PM on September 16, 2014 [18 favorites]



PANTS, PANTS, SING THE PRAISES OF PANTS


Pants
Are
Not
The
Solution
posted by aubilenon at 2:37 PM on September 16, 2014 [7 favorites]


> I'm going to get a tattoo of a butt with a tattoo of a butt on it and I'm going to get it right on my butt.

It's butts all the way...down.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:37 PM on September 16, 2014 [6 favorites]


Is this the thread where I link to the song sodomy from Meet The Feebles?
posted by poe at 2:37 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm glad we've seen the end of that joke.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:37 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


since hall/oates got in first with my riff, what else can i say, let's see...

oh yes. just after i moved to oregon june oh-one, i told my california friends "oregon must be an indian word meaning women with big butts."
posted by bruce at 2:39 PM on September 16, 2014


Look everyone, Frankie says relax.
posted by The Whelk at 2:39 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


You should maybe snag the butter-girl.com sock puppet while you can then.
posted by jeffburdges at 2:40 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


that's a good song
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:41 PM on September 16, 2014


Butt shaped Tattoo reference
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:41 PM on September 16, 2014


Don't forget Fuck Me In The Ass Because I Love Jesus by Garfunkel & Oates.
posted by jeffburdges at 2:42 PM on September 16, 2014 [6 favorites]


I'm sorry, this is wrong, because 2012 was year of the Assvengers.

I rest my case.
posted by Katemonkey at 2:44 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


As long as no one ever plays "My Humps" EVER AGAIN, I'm down.

(I'd quote some lyrics for effect but I like you people too much.)
posted by argonauta at 2:44 PM on September 16, 2014 [3 favorites]


(_(_( (_|_) )_)_)
posted by dismas at 2:45 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


butt stuff
posted by poffin boffin at 2:47 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


I was into ass before it was cool
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:53 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


You where a pocket watch?
posted by The Whelk at 2:55 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


I have installed the Greasemonkey script which inserts a "butt" into every users name.
posted by shothotbot at 2:56 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


A script that replaces the word "baby" with "Butt"

We're expecting a butt!

Be my butt.

Bring my butt back to me

butt, it's you.
posted by The Whelk at 2:58 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


What what?
posted by sevenyearlurk at 3:03 PM on September 16, 2014 [13 favorites]


I really enjoyed this Codeswitch piece - We've Been In 'The Era Of The Booty' For A Long Time. From the article:

The same way that Angelina Jolie made "full lips" a thing, Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian are being credited with making "full hips." It's black women fighting, once again, for the right to be seen in the same spaces we respect and find credible.
posted by insectosaurus at 3:04 PM on September 16, 2014 [10 favorites]


A script that replaces the word "baby" with "Butt"

Butt's got back?
posted by ennui.bz at 3:05 PM on September 16, 2014


SIC SEMPER BVTTANIS
posted by sparkletone at 3:07 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word "butt!"

But-but-but, but-but-but...
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 3:12 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


Butt Mode.
posted by sparkletone at 3:15 PM on September 16, 2014


Peek Booty?
posted by jeffburdges at 3:17 PM on September 16, 2014


As long as no one ever plays "My Humps" EVER AGAIN, I'm down.

Even the Alanis version?
posted by angerbot at 3:21 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


Is this the thread where I link to the song sodomy yt from Meet The Feebles?

If we're doing that now, I'm going to have to self link.... If you know what I mean.
posted by 256 at 3:25 PM on September 16, 2014


If the timeline in that EW article is to be believed this could have been set off by Chris Gethard telling a story/joke about eating butts back in April, resulting in a lengthy chant in the next episode of his show.
posted by edeezy at 3:28 PM on September 16, 2014 [3 favorites]


Sounds like a hell of a potential Bryan Adams comeback song to me.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:33 PM on September 16, 2014


resulting in a lengthy chant

This may be the greatest thing I've ever seen.
posted by ColdChef at 3:35 PM on September 16, 2014


Oh god the comment list for this is going to be like "roll call of Mefites with butt-oriented names cracking jokes", isn't it?

Wish Granted!!!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:43 PM on September 16, 2014 [3 favorites]


seriously white people

are we columbusing butts now

really?
posted by schroedinger at 3:43 PM on September 16, 2014 [9 favorites]


I claim this butt in the name of MetaFilter.
posted by me3dia at 3:44 PM on September 16, 2014 [3 favorites]


are we columbusing butts now

Something something "planting a flag."
posted by ColdChef at 3:44 PM on September 16, 2014 [4 favorites]


COVER YOUR BUTT
posted by LooseFilter at 3:44 PM on September 16, 2014


this also reminds me of a los angeles times blooper. someone had come to town and was doing ok at the start and the writer continued "but cracks appeared in the facade" and somehow, by the time it got into print, there was an extra t.
posted by bruce at 3:46 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


There's a supermarket chain in Slovenia called Tuš. Pronounced "tush".
posted by Sticherbeast at 3:51 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


butt touch
posted by NoraReed at 3:58 PM on September 16, 2014


If the timeline in that EW article is to be believed this could have been set off by Chris Gethard telling a story/joke about eating butts back in April, resulting in a lengthy chant in the next episode of his show.

Obviously no, not true. But man that chant is the best. The rounds, the Wu-Tang reference (complete with hand signs), a kazoo, just hilarious.
posted by cashman at 4:02 PM on September 16, 2014


Excuse me if I butt in, but...

In more sophisticated circles, LOL BUTTS are Funny Fannies.

Or in whatsleftoftheUK, London Derrieres.

Where is there a good back end engineer when you need one?

I'm falling behind. I'll never get to the bottom of this. Now I'm bummed out.

I'll just leave you with this thought... if a famous person is not shot twice in the butt, how can it be an ass-ass-in-ation?
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:24 PM on September 16, 2014


If there's one thing I've learned from gifs on tumblr, it's that I don't care about butts. However, I am impressed by the seemingly infinite variety.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:25 PM on September 16, 2014


I actually have really, really high standards for what butts I find personally entrancing, probably because I'm having, like, a demisexual year or something, so I can watch the butt on that Chris Evans gif for years but that is only because he is really in the top .01% of butts, by my standards. I'm more of a shoulderblades and, to a lesser extent, upper chest person, for all genders; it is possible that my pansexuality or panromanticism or whatever the fuck I'm oriented towards is based on an overwhelming desire to watch shoulderblades of all kinds move the fabric of tight shirts around.

BUT (:D:D:D) I must say I find the whole butt zeitgeist of Tumblr culture and some of the other web communities it overlaps with HILARIOUS; even if you do not find butts appealing for sexual or even aesthetic reasons, they are wiggly jiggly pillows attached to our bodies in a way that makes sitting down more comfy, and that is amusing in itself.
posted by NoraReed at 4:34 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


Wait for the WINTER OF NIPPLES
posted by oceanjesse at 4:35 PM on September 16, 2014 [14 favorites]


Hurf durf, butt eater
posted by cmfletcher at 4:39 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


Pirate's booty
posted by GrammarMoses at 4:39 PM on September 16, 2014


This made me lol. Also butts.
posted by jenkinsEar at 4:47 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


"roll call of Mefites with butt-oriented names cracking jokes", isn't it?

I see what you did there.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:54 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


A script that replaces the word "baby" with "Butt"

We've been down this road before.
posted by BungaDunga at 5:08 PM on September 16, 2014


Now is the time for me to repeat my Unified Butt Theory:

Only straight men and gay (or bi) wimen are into boobs and pussy, Only gay (or bi) men and straight women are into cock, but all genders and sexualities love a nice well-shaped ass.

The butt shall unite us.
posted by jonmc at 5:18 PM on September 16, 2014 [8 favorites]


I think my butt is my best feature.

Because I never see it I can continue to believe it.
posted by srboisvert at 5:22 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


go find a mirror, bro.
posted by jonmc at 5:25 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


All this made me think of one of my father's favorite dad jokes:

"Drink goat milk, it will make your butt better."
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:02 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


important butt history
posted by poffin boffin at 6:26 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


It makes no sense evolutionarily for butts to be attractive. Why do we like them so much? Why do we sexualize butts and not noses? Who is the Nicki Minaj of the nose fetish scene? Is it Chelsea Peretti? Is it Adrian Brody? Is it Steve Martin in Roxanne? Am I out of guesses? TIA
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:12 PM on September 16, 2014


Butts are just boobs on the back.
posted by ColdChef at 9:35 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


according to suprurous evo theory boobs are butts on the front.
posted by The Whelk at 9:45 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


this is the logic behind my proposal that requires anyone who uses evolutionary psychology to justify any beliefs about gender to choose between either referring to breasts as "front buttocks" or butts as "rear bosoms"
posted by NoraReed at 9:49 PM on September 16, 2014 [5 favorites]


It makes no sense evolutionarily for butts to be attractive. Why do we like them so much?

Four words: face down, ass up.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:51 PM on September 16, 2014


FESTIVE LUMPS
posted by The Whelk at 9:51 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


Is it Adrian Brody?

he has the most astonishing nostrils on earth
posted by poffin boffin at 10:00 PM on September 16, 2014 [2 favorites]


Suprurous?
posted by Earthtopus at 10:56 PM on September 16, 2014


If ever there was a thread that needed an old fashioned MetaFilter img tag freakout it would be this one.
posted by charred husk at 11:38 PM on September 16, 2014 [1 favorite]


Back in my callow youth, I was working alone in a pizza joint, on the night shift because I was one of the more robbery-resistant employees of the place, and as I went to pick up a small pizza with the kitchen sink assortment of toppings off the ledge by the pizza oven, the woman waiting at the counter made a little, low approving noise at me.

Mmm hmm.

I returned with the pizza and the ticket, and as I completed the transaction, the lady raised an eyebrow almost obscured by the thick plastic brow of the Cazal eyeglasses popular with glamorous black women in my county and era, and made the sound again.

"You ever model?" she asked.

I did an unsubtle whole-body harumph, because it was an entirely harumphable question to ask of a wishy-washy mid-eighties loser in a pizza joint whose sky-high mullet was at battle with the three gallons of aerosolized fryer grease hanging in the air like the weight of almost visible underachievement.

"What?" I said, and snorted.

"Turn around."

"What?" I repeated, then looked at her finger, with impeccable plastic nails of absurd length and gloss, which was signaling a little twirl. I shrugged and turned around.

"You got a black ass," she said, "and fat legs. You ever model?"

I was trying to parse exactly what she was saying when she produced a business card.

"You got a black ass and short, fat legs and all kinds of torso, baby. You ever want to model and I'll get you work."

I took the card and read the details for the Rose House of Beauty out of Hyattsville, Maryland, then looked up.

"Are you kidding me?"

"All I'm sayin' is that you'd be hard bumpin' on the runway, and I can make it happen. I run Montgomery Ward fashion fairs all over this area, baby, and that black ass will get you work."

I flushed bright red, caught in the sudden glare of the most surreal kind of flattery, and you know what? I was, and she did, and that's why I have a signature walk.
posted by sonascope at 4:00 AM on September 17, 2014 [19 favorites]


"Drink goat milk, it will make your butt better."

O_O
posted by mrgoat at 5:43 AM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


It makes no sense evolutionarily for butts to be attractive. Why do we like them so much?

Actually, according to what I've read, it does sort of make sense when you consider:

1. We are primates.
2. Lots of primates mate doggy-style, which gives a view of the butt.
3. Lots of primates also have funky butts which get even funkier when they're in heat.

Thus - butt intrigue.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:27 AM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Thus - butt intrigue.

Attention Future Caretakers:

Please put this on my gravestone.

Thanks,
MCMikeNamara
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:58 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


seriously white people are we columbusing butts now

Butt piracy is the phrase you're looking for.

today i learned there was a mst3k reference in a nicki minaj video

That's gluteal maximal fanny-fantastical!
posted by octobersurprise at 6:59 AM on September 17, 2014


Wait is that in the Nikki Minaj video because she's totally giving "Baby Got Back" the MST3K treatment with "Anaconda"?

I guess that's super obvious but that doesn't make it any less super amazing to me.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:52 AM on September 17, 2014


Kind of surprised no one's posted a link to this.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:29 AM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I am happy with this decision. Oh, yes.
posted by Sara_NOT_Sarah at 11:18 AM on September 17, 2014


Literally how has nobody made a Bob's Burgers joke yet?
posted by Imperfect at 12:38 PM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Let's not forget this timeless classic by the Wet Spots: Do You Take It?
posted by homunculus at 12:51 PM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


The NY Times discovers butts
posted by ColdChef at 6:36 AM on September 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


Back with one of Samuel L. Jackson's best lines.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:54 AM on September 18, 2014


I'm surprised that no one has yet dedicated the thread to Uranus.
posted by JHarris at 12:46 PM on September 18, 2014


J Lo feat Iggy – Booty
posted by wemayfreeze at 3:37 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


30 Photos Of Unretouched Butts, In Case You Forgot What They Really Look Like

Includes commentary by the butt owners themselves. Note: only includes women and their butts.
posted by wemayfreeze at 3:38 PM on September 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Late to the party:

A brief retrospective of The Year of The Butt (NSFW)


(I submitted it earlier as an FPP and it was deleted as a double of this thread)


- mic, not one of the cool kids, obviously does not spend enough time on the blue.

posted by Michele in California at 3:13 PM on September 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


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