What will time be like in 100 years?
September 17, 2014 8:16 AM   Subscribe

 
Um. Wow. I was expecting more irony in this, but we're now down to listicles about listicle generators.

Some samples:

Will Metafilter ever rule the world?
Doubtful. It just doesn't seem our style.


How Not Knowing Metafilter Makes you a Rookie
Well, duh.

11 Ways Metafilter is Cooler than Michael Jordan
Ummm. What? Is MJ even cool anymore?

The 5 Best Metafilter YouTube Videos
The only way this gets better is if it's The 5 Best Metafilter Reddit Posts

Why Our World Would End if Metafilter Disappeared
Well, yeah. We're members of it. Where else would we go to waste time?

5 Ways Knowing about Metafilter Will Land You in Jail
I suspect cortex is a big part of this list. Along with the how to hide a dead body AskMe.

7 Facts About Listicles that Will Impress Your Friends

There are zero - count 'em, zero - facts about listicles that impress anybody.
posted by nubs at 8:29 AM on September 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


14 Common Misconceptions About Torment
10 Signs You Should Invest In Thralls
Think You're Cut Out For Doing Putrefaction? Take This Quiz
posted by theodolite at 8:29 AM on September 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


A flat circle....
posted by Fizz at 8:30 AM on September 17, 2014


Reasons Slaves are Sweeter than Christmas Morning

Remedies for Improving Your Life Using only Slaves
posted by nubs at 8:32 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Drink While You Sleep - Our Proven System Will Do The Work!

The Quickest Way I Know To Drink And Puke

The Lazy Man's Way To Drink

Tests Now Show Our Beer Can Help You Puke

New Beer Helps You Puke... Guaranteed!

They Laughed When I Said I'd Drink-- But When I Puked They Begged Me For My Secret!
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:40 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


At least software like this is easy to test; if it doesn't give you an error message saying "sorry, the Internet is full", it's broken.
posted by effbot at 8:48 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Ten click-holes to distract you while we eat your lunch.
posted by Pudhoho at 8:52 AM on September 17, 2014


If you repeat "Find questions your target demographic is talking about online" three times into a mirror a man in business casual appears and murders you with the steak knife from Google Image Search's top result for "steak knife"
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 9:01 AM on September 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


The Insider's Guide to Crippling Despair
6 Ways Existential Panic Can Increase Your Productivity
How Twitter Can Teach You About The Night Terrors
13 Freaky Reasons The Impending Void Could Get You Fired
What Mom Never Told You About Your Dark Night of the Soul
posted by threeants at 9:10 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


How To Solve The Biggest Problems With Dopamine
Take Advantage Of Skinner Boxes - Read These 9 Tips!
Best Operant Conditioning Android Apps
posted by anthom at 9:12 AM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Internet was really great at one time, wasn't it?
posted by jbickers at 9:15 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Wow, the BackLinkGenerator.net article generator is astounding. Enter your topic, and out come 231 click-bait article titles. I entered "guinea pig," and got such gems as:

"10 Most Amazing Guinea Pigs Changing the World Today!"
"What the In-Crowd Won't Tell You about Guinea Pigs"
"Unusual Article Uncovers the Deceptive Practices of Guinea Pigs"
"What You Can Do about Guinea Pigs Starting in the Next 10 Minutes"
"Guinea Pigs: Dead or Alive?"

. . 226 other equally eyerolling titles.
posted by DrMew at 9:17 AM on September 17, 2014


- Uncommon Article Gives You The Facts on Mad Libs That Only A Few People Know Exist
- What Everybody Else Does When It Comes To Mad Libs And What You Should Do Different
- What You Don't Know About Mad Libs Could Be Costing To More Than You Think
- How To Solve The Biggest Problems With Mad Libs
- 10 Things Your Competitors Can Teach You About Mad Libs
posted by Timmoy Daen at 9:25 AM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


1 Simple Trick to Tell If YOU Are What's For Sale
 
posted by Herodios at 9:43 AM on September 17, 2014


I've often said I suck at coming up with titles.

Nevertheless, if someone ever finds out I've resorted to one of these things, I want them to shoot me.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:44 AM on September 17, 2014 [3 favorites]


"10 Most Amazing Guinea Pigs Changing the World Today!"

10. Alan Greenspan. This bespectacled giant North American guinea pig was chair of the Federal Reserve from 1987 through 2006. Even though his star has faded in Washington, he still makes big waves among guinea pigs. His hot new book Wood-Chip Shaving Investment Strategies for the Savvy Dad has sold over 20 million copies.

9. Jared Leto. This famous guinea pig is an award-winning actor and frontman of the critically acclaimed alt-rock band 30 Seconds to Clear Plastic Tubes You Can Run Through.

8. Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. With his elegant show-length coat of dazzling white hair, this wise old guinea pig could be dropping jaws at fashion shows in Paris or Milan. Instead, he's showing human beings that a better world is possible.

7. Buzzfeed staff writer Squeaky Pigsworth. Here's one Buzzfeed writer who's not interested in cute cat photos. Squeaky Pigsworth has been shaking things up with million-click articles like "They Put What in My Food Pellets?!" and "What You Don't Know About Food Pellets Will Shock You."

6. David Bowie. Bowie raised incredible amounts of guinea pig awareness thanks to his groundbreaking concept album Piggy Stardust and the Capybaras from Mars.

5. Texas Governor Rick Perry. You may not like his policies, but you have to admit this sassy guinea pig looks great in glasses.

4. The guinea pig who lives in Jay Leno's chin.

3. George Soros. Best known as a savvy investor and billionaire philanthropist, Soros is also the world's only guinea pig to speak Esperanto as a first language. This fantastic skill gives him the ability to instantly communicate with all guinea pigs across the entire planet.

2. Doctor Oz. Has anyone done more to improve guinea pig health than Doctor Oz? His latest best-seller is You Have A Much Longer Colon Than Other Rodents and Should Supplement Your Diet With Coprophagia.

1. The Moon. The Moon is a giant guinea pig who lives in space and affects our tides.
posted by compartment at 9:45 AM on September 17, 2014 [7 favorites]


The sad thing is that I would click on all of these titles.
posted by Revort at 9:52 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


A Week of Blog Topics, Just for You

1 Why We Love drugs (And You Should, Too!)
2 20 Myths About sex
3 10 Quick Tips About rock and roll
4 What Will drugs Be Like in 100 Years?
5 Think You're Cut Out for Doing sex? Take This Quiz
posted by maurice at 9:58 AM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


but guys it's SEO friendly
posted by Curious Artificer at 10:04 AM on September 17, 2014


Why Our World Would End if Metafilter Disappeared

You can tell if you're in the real world or just a very good simulation by the exact shade of blue background, I hear.
posted by maxwelton at 10:14 AM on September 17, 2014


Sixteen Things About the Oeuvre of Emile Zola Your Kids Don't Want You to Know
posted by mr. digits at 11:30 AM on September 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Why Our World Would End if Metafilter Disappeared
If all Metafilter members worked together (with the spare time the loss of MeFi would provide), we would never be able to significantly change the world for the better... but destroy it? Yeah, we can do that.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:22 PM on September 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


« Older A beacon, shining in the darkness of a world left...   |   The art of Zhong Fengua Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments