On the (Anti-) Matter of Planet Destruction

September 19, 2014 12:03 PM

So you want to make a Death Star? You want to destroy a planet like Alderan? There are several theories. But the latest hinges on a simple matter of "neutral antimatter."
posted by cross_impact (31 comments total)

Death Stars are forbidden weapons to bring into the UK. [pdf] (See page 12)
posted by hippybear at 12:19 PM on September 19, 2014 [8 favorites]

Also see alt.destroy.the.earth for more options.
posted by Poldo at 12:44 PM on September 19, 2014

I prefer a simple Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, myself. It has an Earth-shattering kaboom.
posted by briank at 12:47 PM on September 19, 2014 [16 favorites]

Finally a solution to the Earth's fuel problems!
posted by General Tonic at 12:56 PM on September 19, 2014

briank: I prefer a simple Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, myself. It has an Earth-shattering kaboom.

Sometimes. I find that some of them don't, leaving you wondering, "Where is the Earth-shattering kaboom?"

Nothing more disappointing than a silent-operation Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:57 PM on September 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

Is there some hand-wavy canon explanation for the guys standing around inside the Deathstar firing tubes? They're not even wearing goggles.
posted by Iridic at 1:07 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

I had an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, but someone stole it.
posted by randomkeystrike at 1:07 PM on September 19, 2014

the gravitational binding energy of our planet — which is the minimum amount of energy we’d have to put into it to blast it apart — is an astounding 2.24 × 10^32 Joules, or 224,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Joules of energy!

Okay, so we'll need to start buying more surge suppressors in order to be safe.
posted by Smart Dalek at 1:11 PM on September 19, 2014

Why not use an anti-tachyon pulse into the core of the planet? This would push small volume of it back in time creating antimatter, and a large release of energy.
posted by MikeWarot at 1:12 PM on September 19, 2014

The only Earth destruction website you'll ever need. Destruction by antimatter is #1 and #6 on the list (#1 construct a sphere w/ mass of earth, #6 use a slug as per the medium link).
posted by Phredward at 1:14 PM on September 19, 2014

yeah, any sort of scheme where you can turn a small fraction of the planet's matter into antimatter seems better than trying to stock antimatter on your battle station. and maybe has it make sense again that it looks like some sort of beam weapon.
posted by jepler at 1:15 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

The Death Star actually sent Alderan a complete explanation of how midochlorians work and it simply blew everyone's minds.
posted by GuyZero at 1:20 PM on September 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

Is there some hand-wavy canon explanation for the guys standing around inside the Deathstar firing tubes? They're not even wearing goggles.

And they're watching a softly glowing tractor beam carrying anti-matter to the target. A bit like admiring an artificial aurora. That blows up worlds.
posted by Slap*Happy at 1:21 PM on September 19, 2014

(knocks) Anakin?


Do you want to build a Death Star?
Come on, let's go and play,
You never crush rebels any more
Come out the door,
It's like you've turned away!
You used to be a Jedi,
And now you're not,
Accept you are now a Darth ...
Do you want to build a Death Star?
It doesn't have to be a Death Star ...


Go away, Palpatine.

Okay, bye.

(knocks)

Do you want to build a Death Star?
Or chase some Padwans down the halls?
I think the Rebels are a multitude
And Alderaan is overdue
For leadership with balls
(That's no moon, Mimas!)
It's getting close to ready,
All these construction crews
Just finishing up the last halls
(zzzt-bolt, zzzt-bolt,zzzt-bolt, zzzt-bolt)

(knocks) Vader?

Please, I know you're in there,
I think the plans have gotten to Old Ben,
The Force is Midi-chlorianing;
And it's time to go and do,
That Alderaan all in ...
The Death Star is all done now,
It's you and me,
Are you ready to come and rule?
Do you want to use the Death Star???
It doesn't have to be the Death Star ...
posted by Buttons Bellbottom at 1:22 PM on September 19, 2014 [10 favorites]

The Death Star actually sent Alderan a complete explanation of how midochlorians work and it simply blew everyone's minds.

That's not true! That's impossible! [BOOM]
posted by The Tensor at 1:23 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

"Teleforce is a charged particle beam projector that Nikola Tesla claimed to have conceived of after studying the Van de Graaff generator."

In a letter that was written to J. P. Morgan, Jr. on November 29, 1934, Tesla described the weapon:

"I have made recent discoveries of inestimable value... The flying machine has completely demoralized the world, so much that in some cities, as London and Paris, people are in mortal fear from aerial bombing. The new means I have perfected afford absolute protection against this and other forms of attack. ... These new discoveries, which I have carried out experimentally on a limited scale, have created a profound impression. One of the most pressing problems seems to be the protection of London and I am writing to some influential friends in England hoping that my plan will be adopted without delay. The Russians are very anxious to render their borders safe against Japanese invasion and I have made them a proposal which is being seriously considered."

Wikipedia: Teleforce
posted by Fizz at 1:35 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

I suspect Dr. Edward Anti-Teller would have been involved in developing this technology.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:16 PM on September 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

Edward Teller, like the neutrino, is his own anti-particle. HE WAS THAT EVIL.
posted by Zerowensboring at 2:59 PM on September 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

(maybe)
posted by Zerowensboring at 3:03 PM on September 19, 2014

"...and that one kills everything everywhere."
posted by indubitable at 3:16 PM on September 19, 2014

Or you could just drop an Ice 9 pellet into an ocean. Why does everything have to be such a production?
posted by Splunge at 3:42 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Where's your sense of theatre?
posted by arcticseal at 4:07 PM on September 19, 2014

I left it in the sense of a cab.
posted by Splunge at 4:11 PM on September 19, 2014

They're contractors, man. You think there's an OSHA in the Empire? No way, safety is the contractor's responsibility.
posted by indubitable at 6:07 PM on September 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Handwavyium: The visible portions of the beam are a magnetic containment field with a plasma shield that clears away all matter and maintains a vacuum between the stream of anti-particles and the standard environment.
posted by Ignorantsavage at 10:43 PM on September 19, 2014

Watching Star Wars as a child it never really bothered me that the technology makes no sense. Lasers that make a sort of "blurp" sound and travel slower than bullets? Whatever. Spaceships with wings that maneuver like fighters? Who cares. Service droids that have - for no conceivable reason - been manufactured with sentience and irritating personalities? So what.

The bit that bothered me, and made me assume I was stupid for having missed the obvious explanation, was why the rebels had to fly for ages down that long trench to attack the Death Star. They were getting creamed in there, so why not just enter the trench further down? Or attack the exhaust port from directly above?

I wasted time thinking about that which could have been much more profitably spent reading Viz.
posted by sobarel at 3:31 AM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

Those aren't laser guns, they are blasters. Laser guns fire a beam of light. A blaster bolt is a compressed packet of plasma and photons.

And C3PO isn't a service droid, he's programmed for etiquette and protocol.

Sheesh. If you're going to slag the tech, at least get it right before you slag it...
posted by hippybear at 9:13 AM on September 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

a compressed packet of plasma and photons

Sounds like a weaponised lava lamp.
posted by sobarel at 9:36 AM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

I think, and this may not endear me to all, that this can be explained by the simple principle that Star Wars is dumb and was intended to thrill ten-year-old boys in 1977 and not, as it happens, to make sense to grown-ass adults.

But your mileage may vary.
posted by sonascope at 9:54 AM on September 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

I think, and this may not endear me to all, that this can be explained by the simple principle that Star Wars is dumb and was intended to thrill ten-year-old boys in 1977 and not, as it happens, to make sense to grown-ass adults.

Even the most casual pass of Wookiepedia will demonstrate that is, if anything, far too generous.

(Warning: do not look directly at the wiki.)
posted by mordax at 11:53 AM on September 20, 2014

Warning: do not look directly at the wiki wookie.

Grrrwaaaaaarggggh

(Trans: FTFY)
posted by arcticseal at 5:14 PM on September 20, 2014