These boots are made for rolling... for about ten miles or so...
October 6, 2014 11:35 AM Subscribe
For years, people have dreamed of adding a little extra horsepower to their roller skates.
With batteries improving and motors shrinking, one company has decided to try again. Enter ACTON RocketSkates. Ars Technica takes them for a spin.
This joins the YikeBike, the Solowheel, and the Segway on the list of transportation devices that make you look as out-of-touch as their inventors must be.
Get a Xootr; you'll look just as silly, but at least you'll get some exercise
posted by leotrotsky at 11:52 AM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Get a Xootr; you'll look just as silly, but at least you'll get some exercise
posted by leotrotsky at 11:52 AM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
I stick to Acme earthquake pills to remedy my problems.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:05 PM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:05 PM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
"There were no survivors."
posted by boo_radley at 12:05 PM on October 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by boo_radley at 12:05 PM on October 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
And I've been watching Wile E. Coyote cartoons for the last hour now. Thanks for ruining productivity.
posted by Fizz at 12:17 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Fizz at 12:17 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Everything old (and dumb) is new again...
posted by stenseng at 12:20 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by stenseng at 12:20 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Get a Xootr; you'll look just as silly, but at least you'll get some exercise
I can't believe these are still around. I wanted one really bad in like 2000, when I was around 10.
Sharper image totally used to sell them, right alongside the razor. They even had versions with wooden boards that looked like dorky longboards. I remember them feeling ridiculously well made.
How are they still a thing, though?
posted by emptythought at 12:28 PM on October 6, 2014
I can't believe these are still around. I wanted one really bad in like 2000, when I was around 10.
Sharper image totally used to sell them, right alongside the razor. They even had versions with wooden boards that looked like dorky longboards. I remember them feeling ridiculously well made.
How are they still a thing, though?
posted by emptythought at 12:28 PM on October 6, 2014
does using them while drunk count as DUI?
The sentence is that a bailiff pulls down your pants and everybody in the court laughs at you.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:44 PM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
The sentence is that a bailiff pulls down your pants and everybody in the court laughs at you.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:44 PM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
Is walking places really that difficult?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 12:50 PM on October 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Old'n'Busted at 12:50 PM on October 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
I just want to say, for the record, that I once recognized a category on Only Connect from just the first clue, "Jet-propelled Unicycle".
posted by Wolfdog at 12:58 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by Wolfdog at 12:58 PM on October 6, 2014
my 7th grade science fair project was model rocket engines strapped to my rollerblades. I got a D.
posted by Jon_Evil at 12:58 PM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Jon_Evil at 12:58 PM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]
Let me know when they motorize those shoes with a wheel in the sole that kids roll around on at the mall (I assume). That way I can just scoot around everywhere, standing perfectly normally erect like some douchy spectre.
posted by cmoj at 1:03 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by cmoj at 1:03 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
my 7th grade science fair project was model rocket engines strapped to my rollerblades. I got a D.
...A.R.P.A. research grant, four graduate assistants, and tenure at an R1.
posted by rlk at 1:14 PM on October 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
...A.R.P.A. research grant, four graduate assistants, and tenure at an R1.
posted by rlk at 1:14 PM on October 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
The number of people who can roller skate well is possibly in the single digits (although the popularity of roller derby may push that into double digits). That makes the number of people who can successfully use these equal to the inventor.
posted by tommasz at 1:24 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by tommasz at 1:24 PM on October 6, 2014
It needs to do highway speeds before I'm interested. I want the experience to be intensely interesting.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:31 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by five fresh fish at 1:31 PM on October 6, 2014
It currently does 101 speeds through LA.
posted by persona au gratin at 1:44 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by persona au gratin at 1:44 PM on October 6, 2014
Acton is a rather run-down and threadbare chunk of West London. It's not bad, exactly, it has its nice bits, but... mostly it's just meh to sub-meh acres of dulldom (apologies to anyone who lives in Acton, but the last cab driver I talked to about Acton said "Full adulterers, Acton" and couldn't think of anything else).
I approve of its use as the brand for a meh to sub-meh idea like this.
posted by Devonian at 2:09 PM on October 6, 2014
I approve of its use as the brand for a meh to sub-meh idea like this.
posted by Devonian at 2:09 PM on October 6, 2014
It needs to do highway speeds before I'm interested. I want the experience to be intensely interesting.
If I can't zoom down a private highway with a magnetic harpoon and a skateboard that actively wants to keep me on top of it, I'm not interested.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:11 PM on October 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
If I can't zoom down a private highway with a magnetic harpoon and a skateboard that actively wants to keep me on top of it, I'm not interested.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:11 PM on October 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
If only it had some way to keep the bird shit off.
posted by ckape at 2:12 PM on October 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by ckape at 2:12 PM on October 6, 2014 [3 favorites]
WRT powered skates, I'm surprised that no one has invoked this. See also.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:24 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:24 PM on October 6, 2014
OMG someone get a pair of these on Juan Carlos de Montrose.
posted by resurrexit at 2:51 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by resurrexit at 2:51 PM on October 6, 2014
You know what else can go 12 mph for 10 miles? Plain old ordinary in line skates, if you spend enough to get a decent pair and practice a little bit.
posted by Mitrovarr at 3:32 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by Mitrovarr at 3:32 PM on October 6, 2014
Finally, someone has created a pair of roller skates with a built-in eggbeater!
posted by markkraft at 4:12 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by markkraft at 4:12 PM on October 6, 2014
I clicked on the video link hoping to find Wile E. Coyote, and was not disappointed, so thanks for that!
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 5:01 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 5:01 PM on October 6, 2014
Do not point your feet in different directions while using this product.
posted by vorpal bunny at 5:31 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by vorpal bunny at 5:31 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Dear Lord protect these rocket skates and all those who dwell within the rocket skates...
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:57 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:57 PM on October 6, 2014
Acton is the name of the public bus company where I used to live. If these skates live up to their namesake, they will be slow, break down a lot, disappear randomly for hours on end, won't work after 5pm or on weekends, and you will get to where you wanted to go (or within like 10km of it if you are lucky) about three hours after the party finished.
posted by lollusc at 7:25 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by lollusc at 7:25 PM on October 6, 2014
My favorite quote of the day:
Mark: I see Unipods as a bit dystopian, with glass that separates us from others. Was that intentional?
Syd: The glass faceplate, Mark, is to keep bird shit off your clothes or you while in transit, okay?
Thanks, resurrexit!
posted by ianhattwick at 9:03 PM on October 6, 2014
Mark: I see Unipods as a bit dystopian, with glass that separates us from others. Was that intentional?
Syd: The glass faceplate, Mark, is to keep bird shit off your clothes or you while in transit, okay?
Thanks, resurrexit!
posted by ianhattwick at 9:03 PM on October 6, 2014
This weekend I saw a dude on one of those scooter things with two bars to stand on in a V, that you moved by swinging your hips dementedly. It also looked stupid but probably wasn't as dangerous as rocket skates.
posted by emjaybee at 9:04 PM on October 6, 2014
posted by emjaybee at 9:04 PM on October 6, 2014
I'm really not interested in these skates unless they let me do high speed grinding on rails, tagging police cars, and escaping by jumping up onto roofs. Y'know, like this.
Give me that, and I'll be happy.
posted by happyroach at 12:35 AM on October 7, 2014
Give me that, and I'll be happy.
posted by happyroach at 12:35 AM on October 7, 2014
It's like a bicycle but with a much larger supply chain!
posted by larkery at 12:37 AM on October 7, 2014
posted by larkery at 12:37 AM on October 7, 2014
cmoj, that is basically exactly what these are.
No, they are not. These look like the dog whisperer's crazy roller blades with a motor. I want no visible means of locomotion.
And if your bar of faith is so low that you assume I either rolled a 1 on my perception check or commented without even reading the text of the post, let alone viewing any of the content, then why bother to engage at all?
posted by cmoj at 10:44 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
No, they are not. These look like the dog whisperer's crazy roller blades with a motor. I want no visible means of locomotion.
And if your bar of faith is so low that you assume I either rolled a 1 on my perception check or commented without even reading the text of the post, let alone viewing any of the content, then why bother to engage at all?
posted by cmoj at 10:44 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
What's with the Xootr hate? I got one after a foot injury (couldn't deal with the repeated impact of walking, but could stand on the Xootr deck on that foot and push with the other one just fine) and still use it occasionally.
Do I care if people are looking at me Xooting along beside Lake Merritt in my Panama hat and laughing at me? Not a bit. I'm probably having a lot more fun than they are.
posted by Lexica at 10:04 PM on October 7, 2014
Do I care if people are looking at me Xooting along beside Lake Merritt in my Panama hat and laughing at me? Not a bit. I'm probably having a lot more fun than they are.
posted by Lexica at 10:04 PM on October 7, 2014
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posted by leotrotsky at 11:46 AM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]