Michaelangelo: You’re not a quitter, dude. Finish what you started.
October 23, 2014 9:39 AM   Subscribe

 
It seems appropriate that I just stumbled across this image a few minutes ago.
posted by yellowbinder at 9:42 AM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


My first slice was supposed to be at the famous Di Fara Pizza spot, but they were closed (even though they said they would be open).

I two blocks down from Di Fara and it is really weird living near what is a tourist spot in otherwise an ethnic enclave people generally don't visit. You can't just assume they're open. Their schedule is properly divined by an ordained pizza priest(ess) reading it from the from the lumps and crevices on a wet ball of mozzarella.

Also I don't like L&B's. There, I said it. Come at me, bros.
posted by griphus at 9:44 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Leaving out the crust is OK, though.

INCORRECT
posted by dersins at 9:46 AM on October 23, 2014 [29 favorites]


Agreed. Pizza bones must be consumed, too, even if you have to dip them in that canola oil and garlic salt blend called "garlic sauce".
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:47 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


This makes me jealous of people living with access to decent pizza.
posted by octothorpe at 9:52 AM on October 23, 2014 [14 favorites]


As someone who has been made quite sick by more than one of the places on this list, I salute the author on either his intestinal fortitude or his editing decisions.
posted by RogerB at 9:52 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


For this, I will be going to the pizza capital of the world, New York City (sorry Chicago)

FOR YOU THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:52 AM on October 23, 2014 [10 favorites]


There's no way he could've eaten 15 slices of real pizza.
posted by michaelh at 9:56 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


I two blocks down from Di Fara and it is really weird living near what is a tourist spot in otherwise an ethnic enclave people generally don't visit. You can't just assume they're open.

In Los Angeles this was def. true for burrito shops. Like, just because they're on Yelp and you drove here from downtown doesn't mean it's going to be open. Sometimes Patty has got shit to deal with.
posted by muddgirl at 9:57 AM on October 23, 2014 [11 favorites]


#2 looks absolutely disgusting. I assume it tastes much better than it looks.
posted by jbickers at 9:58 AM on October 23, 2014


Also I just ate St. Louis-style pizza for the first time this last week. My, ahem, beef with Chicago-style pizza is more-or-less good-natured ribbing, but my reaction to STL pizza is just Don Corleone standing over Sonny's body saying "Look how they massacred my boy..."

There's no way he could've eaten 15 slices of real pizza.

I've eaten a medium pie on my own and I'm a pretty small dude with a not particularly voracious appetite. I can see how someone with a bigger appetite could take two.
posted by griphus at 9:58 AM on October 23, 2014 [10 favorites]


15 slices in a day is some fucking amateur hour malarkey, I tell you what. I eat 15 slices between brushing and flossing.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:07 AM on October 23, 2014 [54 favorites]


Did he really eat the first slice at a quarter past midnight and the second at 1:09pm? Seems like a poor use of time.
posted by Cosine at 10:10 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


If I knew I was about to say, trek into the woods uphill for the next solid 24 hours without rest I could eat 15 slices of pizza before they had time to cool.

Did he really eat the first slice at a quarter past midnight and the second at 1:09pm? Seems like a poor use of time.


Don't feed them after midnight
posted by The Whelk at 10:10 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Fuck, I just finished breakfast and now I want pizza. In San Diego. I'm screwed.
posted by Foam Pants at 10:10 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


I now have this vision of Greg Nog in his bathroom, surrounded by discarded pizza boxes, caught in an endless cycle of eat-floss-brush-eat...
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:11 AM on October 23, 2014 [6 favorites]


15 slices in 15 minutes? Slow down bucko.

15 slices over 12 hours? That's only half a pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner. Or as I call it: Friday.
posted by Tevin at 10:11 AM on October 23, 2014 [33 favorites]


Why 15? Why not 16 so he can say he ate two pies? Lightweight. I think he could have planned his route better too. Start in Staten Island. One less bus or ferry ride on a full stomach.
posted by 724A at 10:11 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


New York pizza is so rich and lush and luxurious you don't need more than 5 slices depending on how long it's been since your last. Chicago thin crust on the other hand is like eating crackers dipped in canned tomato sauce. You need 20 "pieces" just to start to feel full.
posted by bleep at 10:11 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


For this, I will be going to the pizza capital of the world, New York City (sorry Chicago)

FOR YOU THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS


Yes, only praise for understanding the One True Path!
posted by poffin boffin at 10:12 AM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


There's no way he could've eaten 15 slices of real pizza

It's within the realm of a Man v. Food-esque challenge, so it is doable. It is even MORE doable since it says he's taking public transit, so there's probably a significant amount of standing and walking involved, which adds some time and physical activity between each slice.

Still...I'm not sure I could do 15 slices of NY style pizza. Aren't they like a big floppy canvas of toppings that require a center fold to be held and eaten like a pizza? They're significantly bigger than the pizzas out here in California, which are either from franchise chains OR the personal build-a-pizza places that have been popular recently.
posted by FJT at 10:12 AM on October 23, 2014


oh wait I totally had a re-heated olive slice from Patsy's for breakfast today.
posted by The Whelk at 10:14 AM on October 23, 2014


"New York pizza is so rich and lush and luxurious..."

Draped in my newly-forged cloak of premium New York pizza, I was both immune to the city's harsh winter snow and comforted by its decadent luxuriance.
posted by Tevin at 10:14 AM on October 23, 2014 [19 favorites]


Oh yeah, in the build-a-pizza places I notice it's become a thing to put kalamata olives on pizza. Is that a thing elsewhere?
posted by FJT at 10:15 AM on October 23, 2014


This Is What Happens When You Eat 15 Slices Of NYC Pizza In One Day

In the old days of the Internet, this headline would have ended with pictures of poop. I am bizarrely disappointed that it did not.

(Leaving the crust is also not fucking okay.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:15 AM on October 23, 2014 [11 favorites]


What is it about New York pizza that every New Yorker swears up and down that it's the best thing ever, yet it invariably looks like someone dropped it on the street last week?
posted by Sys Rq at 10:15 AM on October 23, 2014 [16 favorites]



I now have this vision of Greg Nog in his bathroom, surrounded by discarded pizza boxes, caught in an endless cycle of eat-floss-brush-eat...


add in like 15 cats and a broadsword and you're pretty much there
posted by poffin boffin at 10:15 AM on October 23, 2014 [15 favorites]


My family has its own food challenge. 40 McNuggets in under 7 minutes. My 17 year old son did 6:42. My 18 yo son bailed at 22 with the comment, "This is fucking stupid and gross. Fuck you guys for getting me to try this." My 19 year old daughter just looked at us and said, "Do you know what they put in those things?" Me? 6:58. Will never eat another chicken nugget as long as I live. My 18 yo was right.
posted by 724A at 10:16 AM on October 23, 2014 [27 favorites]


kalamata olives on pizza. Is that a thing elsewhere?

I grew up with this, but then, I grew up surrounded by filthy Greeks, who put kalamata olives on everything we can. We're making pizza tonight, and there will likely be kalamata olives on those, too!

HEY LET'S ALL EAT PIZZA TONIGHT AND THEN POST PICS OF PIZZA IN THIS THREAD AND JUDGE EACH OTHER
posted by Greg Nog at 10:17 AM on October 23, 2014 [14 favorites]


how is this night different from all other nights
posted by poffin boffin at 10:17 AM on October 23, 2014 [14 favorites]


As someone who has been made quite sick by more than one of the places on this list, I salute the author on either his intestinal fortitude or his editing decisions.

No lie I thought the "more inside" was just going to say "tl;dr, diarrhea"
posted by en forme de poire at 10:19 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


I live in Queens, you do not want to start shit with me.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:21 AM on October 23, 2014


Actually frankies closed though so I only have 400 good places to choose from within .5m of my house.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:22 AM on October 23, 2014


If you were really authentic you would live inside a converted pizza oven.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:23 AM on October 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


My brother, who lives in Brooklyn, sometimes orders from Domino's. I'm considering putting him up for adoption.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:23 AM on October 23, 2014 [10 favorites]


poffin boffin: "If you were really authentic you would live inside a converted pizza oven."

who can afford that anymore?
posted by boo_radley at 10:24 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


who can afford that anymore?

I used to live in Converted Pizza Oven around 2004, 2005, but the rents just kept getting more and more insane, so eventually I moved out to Old Lunchables Box, and then Sunnyside.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:28 AM on October 23, 2014 [15 favorites]


Also, of course there is an entire Serious Eats article about "The Best Pizza in Penn Station." (And of course the answer is "walk one block south, but if you can't, then go to Don Pepi's.")
posted by en forme de poire at 10:29 AM on October 23, 2014


I saw Converted Pizza Oven when they where just starting out at Southpaw, they where meh.
posted by The Whelk at 10:31 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


"My family has its own food challenge. 40 McNuggets in under 7 minutes."

Yeah so in college we didn't have frats or anything but we DID have Chicken McNugget Club because you have to do something in small-town Ohio on a Sunday night. At our largest we had twelve dudes (obviously men, no self-respecting woman even wanted to know that we existed [including my ex-girlfriend-now-wife who told me at the time 'aw honey go be with the boys just never tell me what you do)] At any rate we had to tell the local McD's when we were coming in advance so they'd enough nuggets for us.

To gain entry you had to eat 20 nuggets and declare your preferred sauce. There were fractions within the group. Some rogue elements preferred sweet and sour but the one true BBQ eventually prevailed as the ruling condiment. There was some sort of ceremony upon completion, details of which may be released one day in my memoirs.

We did this for several months, all of which culminated in a trip to Canada to experience Canadian nuggets. This is where I had my encounter with fate.

You see, there were officers within the club. The current McSecretary General had earned his place by being the first to consume 40 nuggets in one 15-minute setting. God among men, I know. Since then the record had been broken (at 50) but I decided in Canada I would eat 60 nuggets.

Reader, I did eat sixty nuggets. I wish I could detail the experience. I have no memories aside from thinking 'Windsor is Canada's Detroit,' and wondering 'Is this chicken or sea sponge?' at nugget number thirty seven. My comrades in fried debauchery assure me it was CHICKEN McNugget but I'll never be certain.

The point to all of this is: 10 Chicken Nuggets are good. They are wholesome and they are delicious.

Sixty Chicken Nuggets will make you question - not whether or not there is a God. But you will surely know there is a divine being and you will wonder exactly why God hates you so very much.
posted by Tevin at 10:32 AM on October 23, 2014 [29 favorites]


What is it about New York pizza that every New Yorker swears up and down that it's the best thing ever, yet it invariably looks like someone dropped it on the street last week?

Next thing you're gonna tell me is you have a problem with the sweat-soaked man in a dirty undershirt rolling out the dough with his bare hands. Come on.
posted by griphus at 10:32 AM on October 23, 2014 [12 favorites]


i'm really unimpressed with their new side project Artisanal Pizza Stone
posted by poffin boffin at 10:33 AM on October 23, 2014


Having lived for a decade in Chicago and nearly a decade in NYC afterwards, I can say with authority that NYC pizza is not only superior, but that the only reason there's even any sort of 'debate' is because New Yorkers think it's cute to see Chicagoans froth at the mouth about it.
posted by ursus_comiter at 10:34 AM on October 23, 2014 [25 favorites]


At any rate we had to tell the local McD's when we were coming in advance so they'd enough nuggets for us.

I will be sad if this did not involve circling the parking lot in a couple of shitty old beaters with Die Walkure blasting from tinny speakers.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:35 AM on October 23, 2014 [8 favorites]


Why wouldn't you put kalamata olives on pizza? That's what I'd like to know.
posted by Frowner at 10:36 AM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


I got to
I’m at the point where people are noticing I look like shit.
in the article, and I thought, "No, you're at the point where New Yorkers are noticing you look like shit, so that's much worse."
posted by TypographicalError at 10:39 AM on October 23, 2014 [14 favorites]


The way I see it, at least true Chicago-style pizza is doing something unique and respectable.

New York pizza represents the Ur-Pizza from which all other pizzas spring, which is just a nice way of saying it's the most generic and boring form of pizza imaginable.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:39 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


We had a Burger Challenge at a place I used to work. The rules:

Fully dressed burger: 2 4oz patties, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickle, bacon, cheese

No stopping

No reviewing of inputs

No drinking

No pot allowed beforehand.

The record for a while was this little guy on the line who ate faster than any human being I have ever seen. 1:30ish. Then came one of our managers, who took that fucker down in forty odd seconds (and promptly broke out in the meat sweats). Nobody else even came close. (I didn't try; I would have made it maybe halfway).

ew York pizza represents the Ur-Pizza from which all other pizzas spring

Naples would like a word with you...
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:41 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


feckless fecal fear mongering: "Fully dressed burger: 2 4oz patties, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickle, bacon, cheese"

was this the child's challenge?
posted by boo_radley at 10:45 AM on October 23, 2014 [9 favorites]


It was a hefty burger!
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:47 AM on October 23, 2014


has there been a MeFi Eater's Challenge meetup before? because there needs to be.
posted by Tevin at 10:47 AM on October 23, 2014


it was called Flavortown and everyone got the poops.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:48 AM on October 23, 2014 [11 favorites]


Chicago-style "pizza" is basically the Impossible Cheeseburger Pie recipe from the Bisquick box. Which, shit yes I will eat it, but don't tell me it's pizza.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:49 AM on October 23, 2014 [11 favorites]


we also had a potluck where the drinks menu was the MEfi Front Page wait I think I have it somewhere
posted by The Whelk at 10:49 AM on October 23, 2014


MetaFilter: And everyone got the poops
posted by Tevin at 10:50 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


it was called Flavortown and everyone got the poops.

Well, I wasn't that adventurous so I just got a burger.
posted by griphus at 10:51 AM on October 23, 2014 [16 favorites]


I was like "WHY would you do this to your body? Are you stupid?!"
Then I remembered all the drinking we did as freshmen for no better reason. At least he wasn't chucking up and emdangering his life with drunken antics.
posted by Omnomnom at 10:51 AM on October 23, 2014


The lack of Bleecker Street Pizza immediately makes this list null and a waste of the author's time.
posted by shen1138 at 10:52 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


has there been a MeFi Eater's Challenge meetup before? because there needs to be.

I held a restaurant's chicken wing record (until it closed, which I think makes me immortal), where do I sign up?
posted by troika at 10:52 AM on October 23, 2014


Not a lot of comments on the Citi Field Challenge, but if you read the Bingo board and have ever been to Citi, that is a combination of gross and impressive. Citi Field is a land of contrast.
posted by 724A at 10:54 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Here it is!
posted by The Whelk at 10:54 AM on October 23, 2014 [10 favorites]


My loser buddy, loser brother, and loser self had a friendly, ongoing, All-You-Can-Eat pizza challenge at the local Papa Gino's when I was in high school. Papa Gino's, if you don't know, was a mid-sized northeastern pizza chain, pretty good for a chain, pretty lousy compared to good pizza. Cornmeal crust, mixed cheese, tart sauce. I haven't been to one in many years so maybe it's awful now.

Anyway, one time we got into the place where loser buddy had eaten 6 slices, loser brother had eaten 7, loser me had eaten 8. Buddy decided he doesn't want to be last, eats one more. Brother decides HE doesn't want to be tied for last, eats one more. I decide... well, you see where this went.

We ended at 11, 12, 13 slices, with me in the 'lead'. These are 1/6th of a large pie slices, so I ate 2 large plus a slice, in maybe 3 hours. I scoff at 15 over the course of a day. Ha. Ha ha.

Needless to say I don't think I could recreate this today. Sitting in a parking laboriously trying not to vomit has lost much of its charm.
posted by dirtdirt at 10:55 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Sitting in a parking laboriously trying not to vomit

that's like 90 percent of high school iirc
posted by Greg Nog at 10:56 AM on October 23, 2014 [7 favorites]


Greg Nog: "Sitting in a parking laboriously trying not to vomit

that's like 90 percent of high school iirc
"

The other 10% was being stoned and not caring.
posted by 724A at 10:57 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Not a lot of comments on the Citi Field Challenge, but if you read the Bingo board and have ever been to Citi, that is a combination of gross and impressive. Citi Field is a land of contrast.

I feel like the middle row is probably the way to go; even if that slice is enormous, there aren't that many meal-sized things there.

At least you wouldn't have to watch the Mets, though, while you barfed.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:58 AM on October 23, 2014



Chicago-style "pizza" is basically the Impossible Cheeseburger Pie recipe from the Bisquick box. Which, shit yes I will eat it, but don't tell me it's pizza.


Having lived in Chicago for the last 4 years and regretting it every January > April, I can vouch for the fact that our deep-dish pizza is pretty terrible. My deep-dish eating habits go as follows: 1) Eat Deep-dish (Pequod's, Lou Malnati's, etc., some are better, some are worse, all are terrible imitations of good pizza*), 2) Remember how bad eating deep-dish makes me feel the next 24 hours, and then about 6-9 months later, 3) think, "man, I haven't had deep-dish pizza in forever" and thus the cycle continues.

*The best pizza I've had in Chicago isn't 'deep-dish' but an awesome Irish-owned place called Vito and Nick's down in Ashburn. Also the best pizza places in Chicago serve RC Cola to go with their pizza.
posted by kurosawa's pal at 11:00 AM on October 23, 2014


> The lack of Bleecker Street Pizza immediately makes this list null and a waste of the author's time.

I'm not going to argue about Bleecker Street Pizza one way or the other but damn, if I was going to eat fifteen slices of pizza I sure wouldn't waste my effort on some of the crap he shoveled down. I mean, if you're in western Queens why not go to Sac's, or... never mind, he did what he felt he had to do, but jeez.

Also, if I was going to eat fifteen slices of pizza there's no way I'd order pepperoni. That's just asking for trouble.
posted by languagehat at 11:02 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Man, all these pictures and talk about New York-style pizza are making me want some! I think I'm gonna go to Sbarro for lunch.
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:03 AM on October 23, 2014 [25 favorites]


oh wow, nicely done
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:03 AM on October 23, 2014


The classic New York slice, as depicted here, is not very good pizza. Too bready, not cooked hot enough, often with bland sauce. I do like the NY slice emphasis on big pools of melted chewy cheese though, it satisfies.

On preview; what the prize bull octorok said. You can get pizza of this quality in any shitty mall anywhere in America. Why, Sbarro's even out of bankruptcy!
posted by Nelson at 11:04 AM on October 23, 2014


My college friends coined the term 'triple-double' at a local pizza place with a buffet many decades ago. It was 12 slices of pizza from the buffet, 12 breadsticks, and a 32 oz soda, and it was something to do during lunchtime. I tried calculating the nutritional value once, but there was no firm agreement on how large the pizzas and slices were. Still, it's something that many of them were able to do more than once.

Scary.
posted by ZeusHumms at 11:05 AM on October 23, 2014


I live in the Bay Area, but I do have to visit NYC once or twice a year. Joe's on Carmine is a MUST. That pizza's good.
posted by Chuffy at 11:05 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


Deep fried pizza is like eating a big mozzarella stick with the dipping already inside but you have to eat it the right way up for ...things happen.
posted by The Whelk at 11:07 AM on October 23, 2014


I find those pizza cone things really upsetting.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:08 AM on October 23, 2014


you don't need to make pizza "easier" to eat what's next some kind of paste in a squeeze tube
posted by The Whelk at 11:10 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


What about making pizza slightly more difficult to eat? I can't be the only person who thinks that Cheesy Blasters sound pretty good.
posted by troika at 11:13 AM on October 23, 2014


What about making pizza slightly more difficult to eat?

they do this in England by putting a whole salad on top of it.
posted by The Whelk at 11:15 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


St. Louis takes the cake for taking crimes against pizza to a level previously unimaginable, but I want to state for the record that pizza in the Bay Area is largely abominable. It's hard to articulate the sense of certainty I have that this is in some way a profound reflection of the underlying character of its citizenry, but I'm certain all the same.
posted by invitapriore at 11:17 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


oh wait I totally had a re-heated olive slice from Patsy's for breakfast today.

You REHEAT pizza? I need to have a word with your parents, mister!
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:21 AM on October 23, 2014


Ain't nothing wrong with reheating pizza. One of the best breakfasts I had all summer was leftover grilled pizza from the night before topped with a poached egg.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:25 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


It's cool if you don't use the microwave. The crust will lose its pillowiness, but not to an unacceptable degree.
posted by invitapriore at 11:26 AM on October 23, 2014


Why would you ever need to reheat pizza? Is pizza not to be consumed in its entirety in one sitting, lest Mammon be displeased?
posted by Tevin at 11:27 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Deep fried pizza is like eating a big mozzarella stick with the dipping already inside but you have to eat it the right way up for ...things happen.


you...you have sex with it?
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:28 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm surprised he didn't go to Ray's.

Famous Rays, Original Rays, Original famous Ray's, Original Real Famous Rays, The really super original famous Rhays, etc.
posted by dr_dank at 11:37 AM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


dersins: "Leaving out the crust is OK, though.

INCORRECT
"

As my friend Joe's father used to explain,"What are those? The handles? You don't eat the handles? That's food. Finish your food." That's some Portuguese wisdom right there.
posted by Splunge at 11:39 AM on October 23, 2014 [8 favorites]


I wonder if you saved up a bunch of uneaten pizza crusts could you make a weird kind of breading?
posted by The Whelk at 11:42 AM on October 23, 2014


I have used pizza crust as soup croutons Edible, if not ... desirable.
posted by Tevin at 11:51 AM on October 23, 2014


I had a friend in HS who used to save his pizza crusts in his jacket pocket. Later, in class or at a bar or wherever, he would pull out his crust and start eating. I always wished I had the discipline to save the crust. I ate the whole thing whenever I ate a slice.
posted by 724A at 11:51 AM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Tevin: "...The point to all of this is: 10 Chicken Nuggets are good. They are wholesome and they are delicious. "

I understand each word. But the concept as a whole eludes me.
posted by Splunge at 11:55 AM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


it was called Flavortown and everyone got the poops.

Well, I wasn't that adventurous so I just got a burger.


Ohgod griphus I can't explain why but this made me laugh so hard I'm crying and my manager just poked her head in to make sure that everything was okay
posted by tzikeh at 11:57 AM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]



My brother, who lives in Brooklyn, sometimes orders from Domino's. I'm considering putting him up for adoption.


I'm a NY native and I sometimes order from Domino's. It's like giving a giant middle finger to pizza snobs everywhere.
posted by cazoo at 12:00 PM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


It's like giving a giant middle finger to pizza snobs everywhereyourself
posted by uncleozzy at 12:02 PM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


5. Go big or go home

But but but how do you go big on a pizza crawl without going to Koronet?
posted by Mikey-San at 12:09 PM on October 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


dr_dank: "I'm surprised he didn't go to Ray's.

Famous Rays, Original Rays, Original famous Ray's, Original Real Famous Rays, The really super original famous Rhays, etc.
"

Of the innumerable Ray's pizza places out there, I always reserved a special enmity for the one on St. Mark's and 3rd. As I remember it, too thick, too soft, too sweet, too hard on the stomach, just a poor effort all around. Probably good for him that he didn't darken their door.
posted by invitapriore at 12:19 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


im cooking pizza for dinner!

How many of you put anchovie in your sauce? I just use a pinch of MSG myself.
posted by rebent at 12:21 PM on October 23, 2014


Some rogue elements preferred sweet and sour but the one true BBQ eventually prevailed as the ruling condiment.

I am sad that there are people who celebrate Holy Chicken Nugget Day other than myself, High Priestess of the Chickenstar, but who are so blinded by sin and ignorance that they do not see that Hot Mustard was the sacred sauce.

Apostates like that are the reason the Hot Mustard was reft from our hands and menus. Perhaps someday we will see the triumphal return of the Hot Mustard and the world will be made anew.
posted by winna at 12:37 PM on October 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


Although I have never in my life eaten more than ten chicken nuggets at one go and the idea of being able to eat four times that number in less than an hour makes me queasy.
posted by winna at 12:38 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Flatiron recommendation: Rocco's (7th and 19th)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:39 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


NY Pizza is better than most pizza for one reason: Availability. Your options for decent slices are literally infinite in NY. Everywhere else you actually have to go find pizza. You can't just go Errr fuck it lets go here and get a meal of normal pizza.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:41 PM on October 23, 2014


In conclusion pizza
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:41 PM on October 23, 2014 [7 favorites]


I'm imagining now a version of Invisible Cities where Marco Polo communicates his exploits to Kublai exclusively via pizza from the city in question and his motions while eating it.
posted by invitapriore at 12:45 PM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


Apostates like that are the reason the Hot Mustard was reft from our hands and menus. Perhaps someday we will see the triumphal return of the Hot Mustard and the world will be made anew.

With all due respect, your nuggetolatry is but a debased cargo cult. The true path is to eschew flavored sauces and dip the McNugget into one of those little tubs of honey that I'm almost certain you can't get at McDonald's anymore. This act transubstantiates the McNugget from a fried blob of chickenate slurry into a holy blessing that purifies and sanctifies both body and soul. I abjure your hot mustardian heresy.
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:49 PM on October 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


in my darkest hour i did indeed try the forbidden nectar

and lo, it was delightful

Goddamn, does anybody else want some motherfucking nuggets now or WHAT?
posted by Tevin at 12:51 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


ursus_comiter: I can say with authority that NYC pizza is not only superior, but that the only reason there's even any sort of 'debate' is because New Yorkers think it's cute to see Chicagoans froth at the mouth about it.

You're fired.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:52 PM on October 23, 2014


I was in a Toast Race once. I won.

It was during a semester abroad in England. I ate awful, healthy, rocks-and-hulls-and-sticks wheat bread that I topped with generic margarine, while one of the other guys ate white bread with jam on, and the third one tried to do Marmite on his but stopped after the second slice. We each chose our loaf, gathered the toasters & tools, and started toasting. The first one to eat their entire loaf of toasted bread was the winner.

It was a glorious feeling of victory (and a rather heavy feeling of fullness).
posted by wenestvedt at 12:57 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Dude is all "Mother of God," over the size of a slice of pizza that takes up a couple wimpy paper plates? You wouldn't last five minutes in my neighborhood, dude: Adams Morgan, District of Columbia.
posted by Skwirl at 1:11 PM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


Back in college my friend and I agreed to split a White Castle 'crave-case' (30 sliders) - stupidly I let my friend be in charge of the counting, and it was only afterwards that he revealed that he had let me eat 16 to his 14. It certainly hurt.

I feel like I have eaten close to 15 pizza slices in some of my most depraved moments, though I can see why some people have banned pot from their competitive eating as it does really tip the scales.
posted by rosswald at 1:13 PM on October 23, 2014


This act transubstantiates the McNugget from a fried blob of chickenate slurry into a holy blessing that purifies and sanctifies both body and soul. I abjure your hot mustardian heresy.

prize bull octorok, it pains me to accuse you of schismatic heresy but alack! I must declare holy war and challenge you to a test of our faith at the soonest moment, which since I don't know where you live or anything will probably happen after the Singularity and we'll be data points in the cloud and no chicken nuggets will be the same as they are in our current reality.

I must cover my face with the paper napkin of grief at this shocking development.
posted by winna at 1:13 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


How did a perfectly cromulent pizza thread (and burgeoning flamewar) get corrupted by nasty McNuggets?
posted by ursus_comiter at 1:17 PM on October 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


prize bull octorok, it pains me to accuse you of schismatic heresy but alack! I must declare holy war and challenge you to a test of our faith at the soonest moment, which since I don't know where you live or anything will probably happen after the Singularity and we'll be data points in the cloud and no chicken nuggets will be the same as they are in our current reality.

I'm from California, where we put caramelized onions and roast duck and goat cheese on our gluten-free cornmeal-crust pizzas, instead of baking them in giant baskets of six-inch thick dough (what up Chicago?) or burying them in oozing molten cheese blobs that look like something out of a Monster Manual supplement (New York, holla!).

We will resolve our differences come the final McJudgement when the Nuggularity occurs. Until then, I will spend some time reverently contemplating the hell out of the true essence of McNuggets at you.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:28 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Having a very good Neapolitan style brick-oven pizza place somewhat nearby I've pretty much converted over to that as the ultimate in pizza because perfectly crispy is superior to runny grease NY style slices or knife and fork style Chicago slices.

I still like the occasional NY style pizza but I almost always feel better after eating a Neapolitan than any other option.

Life is simply too short to tolerate mediocre pizza
posted by vuron at 1:30 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Goddamn, does anybody else want some motherfucking nuggets now or WHAT?

YES AND IM MAD ABOUT IT
posted by poffin boffin at 1:32 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


When I was in college the Mr. Gatti's across the street had an all-you-can-eat buffet, so my two buddies and I would go and eat as many slices as we can. I think our record was around 25 pieces of pizza each, but these weren't proper full-size slices.

The manager eventually banned us, which even now I think is unfair and possibly illegal.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:33 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]



I'm imagining now a version of Invisible Cities where Marco Polo communicates his exploits to Kublai exclusively via pizza from the city in question and his motions while eating it.


1825: after extensive and exhaustive raiding, the Golden Horde finally arrives in brooklyn
posted by poffin boffin at 1:35 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Did he really eat the first slice at a quarter past midnight and the second at 1:09pm?

No, it looks like dude just doesn't know noon is 12:00 p.m.

I don't have much else to say about the saga except it was like he was trying to eat the most mediocre pizza he could find. And he wouldn't have been so ill if he hadn't had so much pepperoni along the way.
posted by aught at 1:41 PM on October 23, 2014


If a muffuleta and a PBJ can both be sandwiches, then surely NY and Chicago style pizza can both be pizzas.
posted by kewb at 2:28 PM on October 23, 2014


724a: My family has its own food challenge. 40 McNuggets in under 7 minutes.

See the weird thing is, i could easily eat 15 slices of full size new york pizza. especially if i hadn't eaten all day. I've also eaten one of those significantly-larger-than-a-baby gorditos burritos in one sitting before without taking a break.

But somehow, 40 mcnuggets? no, fuck that. I think it has something to do with all the weird "mouth feel enhancer" oils and flavored salts and shit they put on them. I'm not one of those OMG IT'S FULL OF TERRIBLE CHEMICALS AND PINK SLIME! truthers, i just think they're engineered to make you feel full after a smaller amount of actual physical mass by hitting the ballmer peak of sugar/salt/oils/fats/flavor than a lot of other food. It's like the difference between cubing out of a box truck and weighing it out. It weighs out way sooner than it cubes out because the nuggets trick you in to feeling like they were dense. I actually tried this once too, because they were doing some kind of asinine deal on 40 mcnuggets that made it basically cheaper than anything else. A friend of mine ate like 6, i ate like... 25-30 and could not shut up about how it was the worst decision i had made in months.


I also am 100% on the side of the "fuck this soggy, floppy limp dicked greaseball pizza" people. What a lot of people say is the "best pizza shop in town" here, and i can confirm, is basically spot-on new york pizza is only good when they burn it because fuck that supremely floppy shit that seems like someone dropped it in a puddle of oil that dissolved the paper thin crust under the actual slice. I've had tons of pizza that was way better because it didn't have that quality to it, which seems to be instantly disqualified as "real, good pizza" for not having it by elitists.

2/10 times i go to the soggy place everyone says is "soooo good" am i satisfied, probably 8/10 times i go to the place i really like where it's not real pizza because the crust is thicker i get an exceptional slice, and those other two times it's still pretty good. I know "do what you like" is pretty obvious, but i feel like a lot of people are NY pizza elitists in almost a cargo cult way where they care more about it having all the signifiers of being real NY pizza than actually being good, and that checking all the boxes somehow makes it good and the crappiness is part of the experience or something.

I saw a lot of this same dumbassery when super hoppy IPAs were still a thing people were obsessed with, and i've definitely seen it with 3rd wave coffee. Where some weird measure of "authenticity" and "acquired taste" trumps something being actually good.

I probably just sound like an asshole, but whatever. I'm absolutely convinced this pizza thing is some weird extending tendril of new york exceptionalism, and it has some really hilarious comparisons between like... francophiles/people obsessed with paris and hipstery renditions of ethnic foods where like presentation and the performative appearance of authenticity matter more than how good it actually tastes and how enjoyable eating it is.
posted by emptythought at 2:47 PM on October 23, 2014 [6 favorites]


When I was in college the Mr. Gatti's across the street had an all-you-can-eat buffet

I've only been to a Gatti's once, in Louisville, maybe 19 or 20 years ago. My friend Brad, a vegetarian with a hefty appetite for deeply mediocre pizza, took me there because of the whole all-you-can-eat thing.

As we approached the front of the buffet line, we saw that there was pretty much only pepperoni, sausage, hamburger (I think?) and other meat-related pizza available. Didn't bother me much, but Brad was pretty bummed.

Like magic, though, a moment before we reached the head of the line a huge, piping-hot, double-cheese pizza appeared. There was just one guy ahead of us. He was pretty sizable, but it was at least his second trip through the buffet line, and anyway he looked like a meat eater. (Whatever that means.) I could practically hear Brad drooling. But.

But.

(You see where this is going, don't you?)
The... rather large gentleman in front of us proceeded to stack each and every piece of that brand new, piping-hot double-cheese pizza onto his tray. Brad gasped audibly, and said something like "Dude, just leave me one piece, please..."

The guy turned around and actually glowered. Brad shut up. Dude took the pizza. I grabbed a couple slices of questionable-looking pepperoni and went and snagged a table, while Brad waited around at the buffet for something he could eat.

And there, a couple of tables away, was the guy, who had set down his sizable stack of pizza in front of his sizable pack of kids. "Oh, ok," I thought, "He was getting all that pizza for his kids." But.

But.

He proceeded to scrape all the cheese off each and every slice of this large, double-cheese pizza. As his plate disappeared under a mound of cheese, he would drop each denuded crust, almost contemptuously, onto the table. Grisly task completed, he--and I am not in any way making this up or exaggerating--picked up a knife and fork, and tucked into his glistening cheese mound.

Reader, he ate all of it.

I will never enter a Gatti's again.

(I mean, the pizza's not really any good.)
posted by dersins at 2:53 PM on October 23, 2014 [11 favorites]


the Golden Horde finally arrives in brooklyn

Mongolian small plates, so hot right now, very hip and low carb.
posted by The Whelk at 2:56 PM on October 23, 2014


"Reader, he ate all of it."

Haunting.
posted by Tevin at 2:56 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


1. Pizza parlors MUST serve slices. So New York favorites like Grimaldi's, Lombardi's, or Patsy's are out of the running.

Pish, Grimaldi's is carpetbagger pizza.
posted by Itaxpica at 3:09 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


He is wrong about Patsy's. The original in East Harlem serves slices.
posted by plastic_animals at 3:21 PM on October 23, 2014


kewb: "If a muffuleta and a PBJ can both be sandwiches, then surely NY and Chicago style pizza can both be pizzas."

No they can't. And don't call me Shirley.
posted by Splunge at 3:41 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


A muffuletta is a sandwich in the same way Noel Coward was a confirmed bachelor.
posted by The Whelk at 3:44 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


I will say this for Chicago-style 'pizza' - it is a lovely quiche.
posted by Itaxpica at 4:11 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


I want to say that I was in the flush of college youthfulness and also drunk when my friends and I attempted a candy-eating challenge but I was a sober, grown-ass adult who had just learned one could buy 5 pounds of haribo gummie bears on amazon.
posted by kerning at 4:23 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


How did a perfectly cromulent pizza thread (and burgeoning flamewar) get corrupted by nasty McNuggets?

I'm guessing you're new around here.

(The derails are why I subscribe.)
posted by figment of my conation at 4:37 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


I will say this for Chicago-style 'pizza' - it is a lovely quiche

Yes it's a lovely cheese and fried dough pie they have and they should be proud of it, call it deep dish, we won't mind. It's tasty.

Just don't call it pizza.
posted by The Whelk at 4:43 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Itaxpica: "I will say this for Chicago-style 'pizza' - it is a lovely quiche."

What? What? ::processing::

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Please never use the word quiche again until you understand the sublime combination of cream and eggs in a pie shell that can contain any number of ingredients. Except for sauce, shitty cheese and whatever Chicago considers pizza "toppings". You are so very wrong. I cry for the culinary world.

I am verklempt.
posted by Splunge at 4:59 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Quiche? No. It is bland chili in a bread bowl.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:04 PM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


I speak for the pizza, I'd rather it be called a quiche then a pizza. ( even if it's more rightly a fried dough pie, quiches are egg based.)
posted by The Whelk at 5:12 PM on October 23, 2014


Dude is all "Mother of God," over the size of a slice of pizza that takes up a couple wimpy paper plates? You wouldn't last five minutes in my neighborhood, dude: Adams Morgan, District of Columbia.

Having lived in NY, New Haven (no I'm not going there), and DC all I can say is just don't eat the pizza in DC
posted by vicusofrecirculation at 5:30 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Wait, I can't get honey for McNuggets anymore? I haven't been to McDonalds in as long as I can clearly recall, but that was my standard order as a kid. My childhood is no more.

And yes sheesh eat the pizza bones already.
posted by nat at 5:41 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


I was a sober, grown-ass adult who had just learned one could buy 5 pounds of haribo gummie bears on amazon.

ALERT ALERT ALERT

DO NOT DO THIS THING READ THE REVIEWS OF THE PRODUCT FIRST

ALERT ALERT ALERT



this has been an announcement from the emergency diarrhea warning network
posted by poffin boffin at 5:45 PM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


Poffin I do believe it's only for the sugar free variety.
posted by Tevin at 5:47 PM on October 23, 2014


yeah but for the sugarfull variety you slip into a diabetic coma
posted by poffin boffin at 6:02 PM on October 23, 2014


Most pizza in New York sucks. The misconception I had when first moving to the city is that it was some kind of utopia of pizza and that you could walk into any pizza store and eat amazing "NY-style"(I still haven't figured out what that means) pizza. Wrong. The ubiquitous $1-2/slice shops are cheap for a reason. And obviously there are plenty of more upscale places doing Neapolitan style, or "NY Institution" type sacred cow places where you can eat a truly great pie, but the typical NYC slice place reheating slices from pizzas on the counter is pretty mediocre.
posted by pravit at 6:30 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Here's a rule of thumb: if you're in an area where pizzas are round yet cut into squares, you're probably in a bad pizza zone.

Having no crust ain't no party.
posted by Ferreous at 7:16 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Look, pravit, nobody mistakes dollar pizza shops for good pizza (great drunk food, but not necessarily great pizza). But there are plenty of excellent classic slice shops. They're a different animal than the sacred cow, Neapolitan style places (which are also great!) but they're wonderful in their own way. The classic NY slice is bright orange, thicker than the old world stuff but still nowhere near a Chicago pie, and coated in a layer of grease - and when executed properly is a vision. But not every slice shop is a good slice shop, by any means.
posted by Itaxpica at 7:26 PM on October 23, 2014


Dough from this recipe

Sauce from this recipe

Toppings from the dictates of me and likeatoaster's hearts

Sprinkle of Parmesan, drizzle of hot honey, 550 for ten minutes:
PIZZA
posted by Greg Nog at 7:37 PM on October 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


I am still boggling at the idea of being able to eat forty chicken nuggets in seven minutes.
posted by winna at 7:45 PM on October 23, 2014


Am I the only person in the world that used to put peanut butter on his pizza bones?
posted by infinitywaltz at 8:17 PM on October 23, 2014


I am still boggling at the idea of being able to eat forty chicken nuggets in seven minutes.
posted by winna


I am still boggling that my son and I did it. As I said, it is a once in a lifetime deal Never eat a McNugget again. Haven't been to a McDonalds since. 20 for $5 is not really a good deal.
posted by 724A at 8:46 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


It's really weird to me that so many people experienced this as, like, a paean to New York pizza. At least half of those slices looked seriously terrible.
posted by threeants at 9:31 PM on October 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Then again, my native pizza style is New England Greek, so my ideal slice has a thick, sour crust, about a pound of low-quality mozarella, and sauce that tastes like an aniseed shat Sweet 'n Low into it.
posted by threeants at 9:35 PM on October 23, 2014 [7 favorites]


I love and miss dollar pizza and I'm not even a little ashamed. IIRC it differs in important ways from merely cheap NY pizza and can be pretty hit or miss, but let's say you're in grad school, it's the last Saturday of the month, your next stipend check is a couple of days away, you're trying to save all your cash for the bar, and you still need to line your stomach: salvation.
posted by en forme de poire at 9:45 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


The most delicious super-shitty regional pizza is DC's jumbo slice. It tastes like someone just took an entire bag of shredded cheese, put it onto one of those pizza dough balls you can buy from the supermarket deli counter, and baked it for about forty-five seconds. Because that's what they did.
posted by threeants at 9:53 PM on October 23, 2014


There's a place in Manhattan, near Columbia, called Koronets. Their pizza is not very good, but for three dollars you can get a "jumbo slice", which is about the size of a large toddler. It also happens to be around the corner from my old favorite bar and stays open until 4 AM, which proved a dangerous combination often in my wayward youth.
posted by Itaxpica at 10:00 PM on October 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


The most delicious super-shitty regional pizza is DC's jumbo slice. It tastes like someone just took an entire bag of shredded cheese, put it onto one of those pizza dough balls you can buy from the supermarket deli counter, and baked it for about forty-five seconds. Because that's what they did.

At least in my northwest region of the US, this sort of thing was a summer camp staple. Slightly different though.

They'd take thick bready shitty dough, like some sort of pillsbury version of chicago deep dish crust... then do exactly what you described but across a MASSIVE hotel pan.

Every summer camp, or "kids experience jazz!", or any sort of extracurricular large group of kids activity thing i did from the ages of like 4-12 included one of those crappy "pizzas". How big of a square you got depended on how cool the place was, and there were basically always seconds. It was the crappiest canned marinara/"pizza sauce", several bags of grade F shredded "cheese", and that was it. There were never any toppings. I have zero memory of seeing it in the wild with even the crappiest pepperoni on it, and none of my local friends remember toppings either.

It's weird how consistent it was from place to place too. Church youth thing? summer camp? after school program? some weird one-off pay to play extracurricular summer thing? They all made the EXACT same "from scratch" giant-pan shit "pizza". It always tasted exactly the same too. The only variation ever was that it was sometimes slightly burned. 95% of the time it was cooked for 45 seconds, just like you describe.

I've explained this to people from california and they had no idea what the fuck i was talking about, but nearly every person i've talked to who grew up in seattle INSTANTLY knows what i mean.

It's really weird how much of A Thing it was.
posted by emptythought at 4:35 AM on October 24, 2014 [2 favorites]


The classic NY slice is bright orange, thicker than the old world stuff but still nowhere near a Chicago pie, and coated in a layer of grease - and when executed properly is a vision. But not every slice shop is a good slice shop, by any means.

This is the thing that kills me about all the odes to New York pizza, though; every time I try some and express disappointment, I'm told what I had wasn't "the right kind" or wasn't "authentic NY pizza."

New York pizza can never fail, it can only be failed.

But then, I've lived in the Midwest, spent plenty of time in the Southwest, and am currently in the Carolinas, and yet I've never quite managed to get het up about what "counts" as real barbecue, either. I guess I'm just not a food tribalist.
posted by kewb at 5:17 AM on October 24, 2014


In Northern Virginia Hot Spicy Mustard waxes and wanes. It's available now so I am stockpiling it, as I am also an apostate and find the other sauces vile. Also, getting 2 4-pieces off the dollar menu is cheaper than a 6 and not as personally ruinous as the 20.
posted by umberto at 7:22 AM on October 24, 2014


every time I try some and express disappointment, I'm told what I had wasn't "the right kind" or wasn't "authentic NY pizza."


Eh, could be that you're spending time with people who maybe have too much of their identity wrapped up in being "real" new yorkers. At least 50% of pizza here is mediocre, maybe 25% is really fucking excellent, and the remaining 25% we just don't talk about, but pretending everything bad is somehow "inauthentic" is just silly.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:51 AM on October 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is the thing that kills me about all the odes to New York pizza, though; every time I try some and express disappointment, I'm told what I had wasn't "the right kind" or wasn't "authentic NY pizza."

Ok, I'll take a stab at this: in the 20-odd years I've lived in NYC, the best classic slice I've ever had is at Freddie and Peppers, on 74th and Amsterdam. This is an opinion shared by a lot of pizza fans I know. Next time you're in the area, give it a shot. If you don't like it, NY style pizza just may not be your thing - and that's totally OK.
posted by Itaxpica at 8:51 AM on October 24, 2014


Also it's worth mentioning that NY pizza is a lot less regionally tied than a lot of other foods - I've had great NY style slices outside of the city. It's about a style, not geography. Compare to bagels; I've tried a lot of bagels outside of NY but I've never had any that tasted good (aside from Jerusalem-style and Montreal-style bagels, but in both cases I consider those their own distinct thing). I've heard people claim that it has something to do with the water, but I dunno.
posted by Itaxpica at 8:53 AM on October 24, 2014


Freddie and Peppers is a classic eat-on-The-street NY slice, the kind of thing that's perfect to be around the corner to or to take into a bar to eat with your beer ( or the nearby Candle Bar, where I've often been cause its the ony gay bar on the UWS, eating a slice from Freddie And Peppers.)

If you go look for the worst picture of Woody Harrrelson ever taken on the wall!
posted by The Whelk at 9:07 AM on October 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


I've heard people claim that it has something to do with the water, but I dunno.

The government has been putting cream cheese and lox in the water since the Cold War.
posted by griphus at 9:15 AM on October 24, 2014 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: I probably just sound like an asshole, but whatever.
posted by Chrysostom at 12:05 PM on October 24, 2014


It amazes me how people can complain about NYC pizza. Let me clarify it for you.

Lowest level not actually pizza: chains like Domino, Pizza Hut etc. Any place that puts their product on a conveyor belt.

Acceptable: hand rolled and stretched, sauce made from scratch, shredded mozzarella.

Sublime: Fresh mozzarella, dough from scratch, fresh local ingredients. And most of all, wood fired ovens. 900 degrees and the pizza has to be manipulated and watched throughout the baking process. The center may be a bit soft. But the crust is blistered and has a woody smoked flavor that can not be mistaken. This is the kind of pizza you burn your mouth on because you cannot wait to take a bite.

Ignore the first. Accept the second. Pray for the last.
posted by Splunge at 4:29 PM on October 24, 2014 [2 favorites]


I would rather have Domino's etc. than dollar pizza, to be honest.
posted by griphus at 4:45 PM on October 24, 2014


Yeah those dollar pizzas are like sub-Cafeteria grade. I'd rather have a frozen pizza given the choice.
posted by The Whelk at 5:27 PM on October 24, 2014


I feel like I can't really make a fair judgement, having never eaten a dollar slice sober.
posted by Itaxpica at 8:29 PM on October 24, 2014


Eh, could be that you're spending time with people who maybe have too much of their identity wrapped up in being "real" new yorkers. At least 50% of pizza here is mediocre, maybe 25% is really fucking excellent, and the remaining 25% we just don't talk about, but pretending everything bad is somehow "inauthentic" is just silly.

Eh, I've heard what they're talking about a lot. And I think you may be right here. It comes from the kind of people I was describing that have bought in to some weird cargo cult belief that if all the elements of "real NY pizza" are there, then if you don't like it it's a you problem. It's almost like they think that if all the correct factors are there it opens up some gateway to another dimension.

It's partially what you said, and I think it's an attitude and mindset mostly espoused by relatively recent transplants on the wrong side of Dunning-Kruger who've been there just long enough to think that if they say the right things they can seem like they grew up there and have been there forever. So... What you said basically.

I've seen and heard the exact same thing with people moving to Seattle and getting weird like this about coffee.

It's funniest though when it's someone who briefly lived there, or lived somewhere else on the east coast and act like they're the final authority on what is and isn't Real Pizza.

I wish there was an actual term for people who do this. It something to the effect of like, a chickenhawk, but with authenticity.
posted by emptythought at 9:23 PM on October 24, 2014


it's like britta perry talking about baggels
posted by poffin boffin at 11:13 PM on October 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


thirteen
posted by en forme de poire at 11:25 PM on October 24, 2014


guys the best bagels are at the fir-*gets shot through the head*
posted by The Whelk at 11:31 PM on October 24, 2014


St. Louisan here - I, for one, love the cracker-thin St. Louis-style pizza. Imo's gets it done when you're in a hurry, but Cicero's, Joey B.'s, and Guido's on The Hill have some outstanding pie.

Also a shout out to Pi's Pizza - not St. Louis style, but they do great pizza.
posted by jzb at 1:18 AM on October 25, 2014


It's not absurd to say that certain regions have foods that they're known for and do better than the rest of the country. As someone who has lived in all across the US, but started in NY/NJ there is some validity to the fact that the tri-state area has a lock on pizza. Part of this is from the fact that there are so many pizzerias that by sheer volume you're going to have a bunch of good ones and a few great ones in almost every town. In much of the country, and especially in small city/rural/suburban areas you're only going to have a few places and the lions share of them are chains like Dominos or Pizza hut. There's no particular reason to excel and most people don't know or care to want better. It's a similar situation to Mexican food outside of the southwest, sure you might find some good places but they're going to be far less common or non-existent in certain areas.

Pizza you get in a lot of the country is equivalent to a soft flour taco filled with a shitload of iceberg lettuce, cheddar cheese and sour cream. Sure it's a taco, but it's not that authentic.
posted by Ferreous at 10:42 AM on October 25, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah it's exactly like decent Tacos in California. I can close my eyes and pick at random in L.A and I have a good chance of getting a decent to good taco without any fuss. Same with pizza in NY (and the situation is of course completely reversed as there are No Good Tacos in Manhattan and Californians fear pizza and try to put figs or pine nuts on it to make it less terrifying.)
posted by The Whelk at 11:25 AM on October 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


Yeah, I know one good taqueria in Manhattan, but it's waaaaay up north in the middle of Spanish Harlem. Every other NY taco I've ever had has been terrible.
posted by Itaxpica at 12:42 PM on October 25, 2014


I have to defend the honor of my neighborhood dollar slice joint, Percy's.
posted by naoko at 2:00 PM on October 27, 2014


Pizza story 1: When I got to high school, I learned that students were allowed to leave the building and get lunch in town. I responded by going to the pizza place down the road and getting two cheese slices and a 20 oz bottle of Coke…every day, for an entire school year.

Pizza story 2: When working late one night, my boss emailed out a menu from a local Italian place and told us to order whatever we wanted, up to $15. I got a large pizza, thinking I'd be set for lunch the next day. Instead I was set for about ten minutes.
posted by danb at 8:14 PM on October 27, 2014


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