"At least, boobs should be able to fire lasers, shouldn’t they?"

October 27, 2014 12:45 AM

What if, wrote Jenn Frank (previously), there was a computer game that involved a sexy character shopping for a bra but ended with her crying softly because she could not find one that fitted. "Everyone thought I was kidding," Ms Frank told the BBC. "I thought I was kidding, and then two hours later I was building a website for it." "It" is Boob Jam, a weekend-long event during which game developers will go without sleep to create games that offer players a more truthful and accurate depiction of breasts and what it means to have them.

[via GameFilter]

posted by Room 641-A (53 comments total)

arcing plumes of diarrhea


did not expect that, either.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:29 AM on October 27, 2014

Love the idea. I do hope some of the games will be more fun than Breast cancer and illfitting bras!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:31 AM on October 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the bra fitting one was basically ... me shopping for bras.


*WAAA- waaa* SAD TROMBONE

Sorry! Your size is not a passing grade. You have to order your bras from England.

It also just led to me actually shopping for bras WHICH I DO NOT NEED TO DO.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:38 AM on October 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

If she wanted to add versimilitude to to the bra-shopping experience, she could also have added:

- THIS BRA IS ON SALE! SALE! SALE!.... Buuuuuut not for YOU. EIGHTY NINE DOLLARS.

- OOOH PRETTY COLORS! HA ha. YOINK! You get "searing white" or "CPR Doll Nude."

- Look at me! I am cute and lacy and sheer! Up to an E. Then we must cover your shame.

- Don't you want to minimize those? Of course you do! We have a stiff, grotesque bandage in a wide variety of repulsive colors so you can smoosh those girls right down! NOBODY WILL EVEN KNOW.

- I am a celebrity that makes bras in your size! I made them out of recycled upholstery fabric and chicken wire! SO SEXY.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:02 AM on October 27, 2014 [54 favorites]

"It’s funny how pointy boobs were in fashion in the 50s. The bras really shaped them like cones. Nowadays, your boobs need to be round like balls, without visible nipples.Your underwear really shapes your boobs. I wonder what shape will be fashion in the future, when robots rule the world. Square boobs maybe?Well, growing some boobs is not simple. You have to get used to them. Anyway one thing I’d really love to have in the future is laser boobs. Shooting at things and people with your boobs. Aiming with your nipples. That would be pretty cool."

So that's exactly the game she made.

"Our submission is an anti-3rd person shooter, as you must avoid shooting people with your laser-boobs. Also it’s something of a personal autobiography about having boobs."
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 3:09 AM on October 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

Now I want boob lasers. I will aim them into the eyes of the heads of the devious bra cartels, who are known haters of breasts and are my sworn mortal enemies.


COME CLOSER AND I WILL TELL YOU VICTORIA'S REAL SECRET PEW PEW PEW FUCK YEAH LASERTITTIES

ok yeah that would be a bad idea I obviously cannot be trusted to use that kind of weapon responsibly

they are at low ready right now


go to bed, louche
posted by louche mustachio at 3:12 AM on October 27, 2014 [25 favorites]

as you must avoid shooting people with your laser-boobs


Yeah, can't promise that.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:13 AM on October 27, 2014 [7 favorites]

Yeah, it should have a "zen" mode where you get to shoot all you want.
posted by Mizu at 3:19 AM on October 27, 2014 [4 favorites]

you must avoid shooting people with your laser-boobs.

This is a pretty good description of lactation, except your lasers are really weak and just end up puddling all over your nice shirt.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:27 AM on October 27, 2014 [12 favorites]

there had better be an entry called "Three beers and a fistful of downs"
posted by thelonius at 4:37 AM on October 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

I don't know how to code, so can someone who does make my game idea?

JUST A LITTLE PINCH: In this game, you are a mammogram tech trying to give a mammogram to a series of patients. The catch - they're all A-cup or smaller. The more you have to manhandle each boob in an effort to get it onto the machine, and the more times you have to ask them to come back and do a do-over on one of them because "it didn't capture enough of your breast that time", the more points you're docked.

(I had two mammograms before the age of 35, back when I was still a lithe and wee A-cup. At the first one, when the tech saw how small I was, she actually winced and said "oy.")
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:43 AM on October 27, 2014 [5 favorites]

How about a game where the player's size changes occasionally, and when that happens, the rules of the game change. With no warning or explanation.
posted by amtho at 4:56 AM on October 27, 2014 [7 favorites]

try on binder without knowing how to put it on, get stuck in awkward position in changeroom, try not to abort by calling for assistance
posted by avocet at 5:12 AM on October 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

Man, I hate this game. It starts with me compulsively picking up every possible quest item that might theoretically be useful, and ends with me trying not to curse like a sailor loud enough that the old lady one dressing room over can hear.

AND YET I KEEP REPLAYING IT.
posted by deludingmyself at 5:12 AM on October 27, 2014 [5 favorites]

The rules of the game are that you have to acquire object X. But 70% of the time, object X doesn't exist in the game's world. When the other characters question why you haven't acquired object X you lose points when they don't believe you.
posted by bleep at 5:43 AM on October 27, 2014 [9 favorites]

"Our submission is an anti-3rd person shooter, as you must avoid shooting people with your laser-boobs. Also it’s something of a personal autobiography about having boobs."

Yeah, but once you reach around level 40, the game gets easier as they just start shooting at the ground.
posted by dances with hamsters at 5:57 AM on October 27, 2014 [16 favorites]

They should do a first-person sci-fi shooter with Jenette "Vasquez" Goldstein as a tough lady marine with a sideline in selling bras for full-figured women.
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:58 AM on October 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

Metroid Baby: "This is a pretty good description of lactation, except your lasers are really weak"

With a little practice I could fire mine quite accurately from a distance of 12 feet. I thought this was HILARIOUS.

My husband did not.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:08 AM on October 27, 2014 [19 favorites]

A couple of years ago, a bunch of my friends went for a fancy bra fitting, and every one of us wound up with a totally new and better bra size. Cut to a party where I and another woman got into an awful argument with a male friend of mine because he absolutely INSISTED that if he were a woman, he would have known instantly that he was wearing the wrong bra size. We explained in detail how bra sizing works, how it doesn't really have a male equivalent, how a 32C and a 30D can be worn by the same woman but have a different fit, how most bra fitters don't really know what they're doing and most bra stores don't even stock non-standard sizes like the ones we all ultimately wound up with, and so the bras we'd been wearing before had technically fit us but not looked right and how we only realized this when finally presented with our correct measurements...

Nope. He refused to listen and just kept saying "but how could you not know you were wearing the WRONG SIZE?" And the subtext was pretty clearly "women must be really stupid, because I would never have had this problem that every woman here has had."
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:25 AM on October 27, 2014 [38 favorites]

Then you all surrounded him and fired your lasers?
posted by droplet at 6:32 AM on October 27, 2014 [29 favorites]

With a little practice I could fire mine quite accurately from a distance of 12 feet.

You have some skills.

Please join my boob crime rampage gang.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:33 AM on October 27, 2014 [10 favorites]

Most women know or suspect they are wearing the wrong size, they just got so exhausted and demoralized by the shopping process that they went with whatever they could afford that was "close enough."

There are so many stupid, ugly, somewhat painful, itchy, ill-fitting bras out there. So many.
posted by emjaybee at 7:04 AM on October 27, 2014 [11 favorites]

There are so many stupid, ugly, somewhat painful, itchy, ill-fitting bras out there. So many.

I actually chewed out a clerk in a Victoria's Secret once because of this.

For a lot of my 20's I was a size 32-A, and once I went into a VS during a big bra sale they had - "buy one, get one free." But in the entire god-damn store, I could only find three bras in that size. Not three styles, three bras. Most of them cut off at 36-A, a few at 34-A.

So I took the three lone 32-A bras in to try them on; one was made with really stiff lace that was incredibly itchy, and one had the cups in the wrong place (they were spaced a bit too narrowly for me). Which left me with one bra I could get. I took it to the counter. And as the clerk was checking me out, she gave me a look and said "we're having a two-for-one sale right now, don't you want a second one?"

And after a pause, I snapped, "why, yes, I would, if only you had more bras in my damn size."

She shut up and checked me out.

...In college, I was friends with a woman who was at the other end of the bra spectrum (44 double-G or something). We both shared the IRL name "Kim", and sometimes joked that we should open a bra shop that carried only our sizes. I think we were going to name it "Kims' Extremes".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:19 AM on October 27, 2014 [7 favorites]

The first time I saw Mean Girls, I rolled my eyes a little at the repeated references to "Girl World," like there's such a major major difference between how men and women go through life. Right, whatever, OK, sure.

This is just another arrow in the quiver of "Dude, you don't even have the foggiest."

Also, "insane vicarious embarrassment" is unfortunately pitch-perfect for a few situations I can think of.
posted by psoas at 7:20 AM on October 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

I keep having to ask myself "is she just riffing or is this actually part of the game play?" Then I say to myself, "who cares, it's still funny."
posted by lodurr at 7:44 AM on October 27, 2014

There are so many stupid, ugly, somewhat painful, itchy, ill-fitting bras out there. So many.

Ugh, yes. So very true. The worst is when you try on a bra and it fits *perfectly*, like you have that heavenly chorus note moment and think maybe your bra troubles are finally over, and then you move around and it has frelling itchy lace along the top of the band that rubs your back and for bonus points chafes on your underarm too.
posted by ashirys at 8:19 AM on October 27, 2014

When I was a dirt-poor teenager, I taught myself how to alter hand-me-down bras after hearing my grandmother tell about how she had to make her own from scratch without a pattern during the Depression and the war. I got pretty good at it before a weight loss made them unnecessary. I'm not sure I could do it anymore.

So, one big boss in the bra game has to be a body change that makes your entire chesticological wardrobe suddenly not fit anymore. Could be the Hormone Replacement Monster, Count von Extremely Targeted Weight Change, Nurse Nursing, etc.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:19 AM on October 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

there are TOO MANY awesome game jams to keep track of. Is there a website that keeps tabs on all of them that i can subscribe to?
posted by rebent at 8:24 AM on October 27, 2014

I actually chewed out a clerk in a Victoria's Secret once because of this.

Oh man, so one time I was stuck at a mall with no escape (one of those family "let's go to the mall!" things while I'm stuck at home for a holiday and captive) so I took my 34G self into Victoria's Secret mostly for underpants but also to go "bra shopping." I have never seen anything above a DD at Victoria's Secret. Guess what cup size their helpful staff told me I was? 38DD! Amazing boob science right there.
posted by phunniemee at 8:27 AM on October 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

As someone who is consistently bullied by men (both on the street and in terms of available clothing products) because I'm a relatively small person with relatively huge boobs, this kind of thing actually makes me a little misty because it means a lot to know that you're not alone in that complicated love/resent relationship with one's own body.

Thanks so much for sharing this little ray of discursive hope!
posted by Mooseli at 9:23 AM on October 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

Oh man, phunnimee, I had that exact same experience elsewhere. Just going to show that the rage for "accurate bra fittings" is great! Unless you go to an unscrupulous shop where they try to stuff you into something that's too small but happens to be on their shelves, all the while telling you "No, we measured you, it's the right size, trust me!" Fuck you lady, bras aren't supposed to hurt.

Also, I love Jenn Frank and I might actually play this. After my kid goes to bed. Also because it seems like exactly the kind of thing that would piss off GamerGaters.
posted by emjaybee at 10:00 AM on October 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

So, as a tall man who kind of self identifies as a gamer, I am absolutely unqualified to comment on the veracity of boob-based games. But I can say that if you every see Super Legroom Quest an extended road trip with your knees pressed into the dashboard simulator, you should buy Kerbal Space Program. Or Fallout New Vegas. Or, hell, just about anything else, really.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 10:05 AM on October 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

The title of this event gave me a deeply crinkly and unpleasant feeling until I realized that the only reason I felt that way was because it reminded me of the Open Source Boob Project (previously), the mere specter of which apparently still retains the power to make me supremely twitchy whenever I see the word "boob."

Once that kneejerk reaction dissipated, I was able to more fully appreciate Ms. Frank's efforts, especially because I cannot think of a single phrase that accurately depicts my own experience of living with boobs more than "unsexy reality." They just hang there, feeling uncomfortable and wrong and making my otherwise well-fitted button-up shirts go all wonky at the front, but I still have to walk around every day knowing that I'm supposed to keep the upper half of my body at least doubly-clothed whenever I leave the house, less because dudes are still given to staring at them even when I have them elastically mashed as flat as can be and more because I hate kowtowing to a belief system built around the notion that women's bodies are public commodities which must have specially-designed torture devices applied to them, usually in the form of ill-fitting bras, lest the sight of our filthy unsheathed boobs encite or invite some form of harassment or other sexualized violence THE PATRIARCHY.

I remember getting ridiculed by a lot of guys (and some other girls) in middle school because I was much younger than everyone else and thus much less physically developed -- some kid put a piece of notebook paper on my desk that said "IBTC" on it, leaving me to probe my classmates for answers as to what the hell that was supposed to mean. I was 10 years old and that was probably the earliest inkling I had that a) the appearance of my chest was going to be A Thing, a thing other people would always feel entitled to comment upon, b) there would never be anything I could do to stop this, and c) American society is one in which women are taught to feel ashamed of our bodies at all costs.

It's a weird thing to be a woman with large boobs, because your body is seen as inherently scandalized/inflammatory, and it's a weird thing to be a woman with small boobs, because your body is seen as existing in a perpetual state of failed femininity/womanhood. And weirder still is how often men I've slept with have comfortingly told me that I should be OK with the size of my breasts -- they're always saying pseudo-progressive bullshit like, "Don't worry, I like small ones," which is a statement that can only be uttered if you are operating under the assumption that your small-breasted listener has, at least once in her life, wished for a more ample set of knockers. (I have not, nor would I ever, because I would get rid of the damnable things in a heartbeat if there were no scalpels or anaesthesia or stitches or drainage ports or caretakers required.)

Women's chests are seen as impossibly sexualized and dirty, to a degree where even post-op radical mastectomy patients are prohibited from swimming topless, while men's chests -- up to and including those that feature long, droopy, plump, or exceedingly hirsute boobs -- can be aired out for all the world to see with nary a ticket for indecent exposure to be found. What's the deal with that? Can someone make a game about it? You never know who's going to freak out about your boobs, whether they're covered or not. Some women can't even feed their damn babies away from home without people getting all up in arms that a breastfeeding mother could possibly dare to bare even less skin than your average dude out for a jog on a Saturday morning.

Boobs are a boring, annoying, regular part of life for all of us, but only women need to think about them all the goddamn time because we're so often castigated for wearing tops that are too revealing or not revealing enough. You always have to strap them up or strap them down, you can never just leave them be because failing to apply some kind of elastic device to them makes you indecent or inappropriate or unkempt. So I'm super-psyched about Ms. Frank's efforts to make their depiction just a bit more realistic, bra shopping and mammograms and floppiness and all. And apparently I just really needed to kvetch about how terrible it is to have boobs. Thanks for the opportunity!
posted by divined by radio at 10:29 AM on October 27, 2014 [34 favorites]

10 months after our second was born, I gave Mrs. Plinth a gift certificate to a local shop that has a very good stock and does good fitting. The rigors of childbirth changed her figure and she intentionally would not take the "free" bras and stayed with the current threadbare ones that stabbed, poked and sagged because her figure might change and then the new bras wouldn't fit anymore: longer-term bra fit speculation as an impediment to shorter term comfort.
posted by plinth at 11:02 AM on October 27, 2014

For a lot of my 20's I was a size 32-A, and once I went into a VS during a big bra sale they had - "buy one, get one free." But in the entire god-damn store, I could only find three bras in that size.

Like your friend, I had the same problem back then even with just ("just") a D-cup. Three fucking bras in the store. For selfish reasons I'm really glad the big, porn-style implants became so popular because larger bra sizes are now a lot more common. Also, the rise of the internet is a big factor in size availability because brick-and-mortar stores don't have to carry every single size variation*.

Of course, Victoria's Secret lost me as a customer in my 20s and I have no intention of giving them my business now.

*For example, American Apparel and Gap sell men's XXL t-shirts online but not in the stores.
posted by Room 641-A at 11:08 AM on October 27, 2014

How about a Towers of Hanoi clone where all the pieces are labeled with bra sizes and scaled accordingly? That would be a great learning tool for showing that cup sizes are meaningless without reference to a band size.

Because seriously. Saying "a-cup" alone is not useful, and contributes to the lousy bra fitting situation many boob-havers find themselves in.
posted by asperity at 11:26 AM on October 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

I want a game where I get to administer a slap with a dead fish to every single fashion board poster who complains about women's visible nipples. WTF is your problem, people. "Oh your breast need to be high and round and perky but god forbid we should see a nip." Nipples exist - they're right there at the front of this protrusion we're all supposed to be showcasing. Short of every woman wearing bras lined with titanium, nipples will sometimes show, like elbows and ears and shoulders, so just shut the fuck up about them already.

And yep, I was well into "you have to order all your bras from England" territory before I had my breast reduction. I almost cried the day the nice fitter at Nordstrom told me i had sized out of anything they stock. Dents in my shoulders, permanently bruised ribs, and chafing on hot sweaty days contributed to the unsexy reality of my breasts. Don't even get me started on trying to find anything racer-back or strapless.

My mammography story - went in for my first one in my 30s to get a baseline for my large lumpy breasts. Stood in front of the machine, shirtless, while tech lifted my breast to get it on the plate. She stood there, holding it for a second, looking back and forth, and then actually said, "I'm gonna need a bigger plate." Wow! Fun!
posted by Squeak Attack at 12:45 PM on October 27, 2014 [6 favorites]

I was hoping for a breast exam-themed "Surgeon Simulator" clone.
posted by brundlefly at 1:23 PM on October 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

dbr, people (especially hetero dudes) always get upset when I say I wish I could take the damn things off sometimes, but really: I wish I could take the damn things off sometimes. They're just extra meat, unless you're feeding a baby, they get in the way, and they require expensive underwear. I don't care how much joy they bring to hetero men's pants, they are a pain to carry around, especially in summer. But yeah, surgery is scary and painful and leaves ugly scars, so, whaddya gonna do.
posted by emjaybee at 2:05 PM on October 27, 2014 [7 favorites]

PSA: this is not especially on topic but I'm on my way home from Nordstrom right now after trying on about a hundred billion bras and omg there is a (new, apparently) junior brand that goes up at least to the Gs and is reasonably priced ($55) and comes in really fun colors and styles. Passionata. THOUGHT Y'ALL SHOULD KNOW.
posted by phunniemee at 5:08 PM on October 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

I don't mind mine, but I do wish I could walk around topless without it being A Thing. It's perfectly legal where I live, but I would never do it, because... well, duh.
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:12 PM on October 27, 2014

Love this idea. Another hiccup to add: breasts are different sizes so only a custom bra will do. yeah, fun.

frankly, I gave up on them long ago, but now into my 40's and going ugh, do I really need to try this again so tops will fit better?
posted by evening at 5:20 PM on October 27, 2014

If she wanted to add versimilitude to to the bra-shopping experience, she could also have added:

Heh. Let's see, how do those change for those of us at the small-breasted end of the spectrum?

- THIS BRA IS ON SALE! SALE! SALE!.... Buuuuuut not for YOU. EIGHTY NINE DOLLARS.

Yep.

- OOOH PRETTY COLORS! HA ha. YOINK! You get "searing white" or "CPR Doll Nude."

More often I find they're not available in beige or black (or even white), just oh-so-practical colors like blue or bright purple.

- Look at me! I am cute and lacy and sheer! Up to an E. Then we must cover your shame.

Make it "down to a B" and "otherwise you get a shapeless elastic 'bralette' that somehow makes you look even smaller than you are" and I'm hearing echoes of past shopping trips.

- Don't you want to minimize those? Of course you do! We have a stiff, grotesque bandage in a wide variety of repulsive colors so you can smoosh those girls right down! NOBODY WILL EVEN KNOW.

Don't you want to make those look bigger? Of course you do! We have bras with so much stiff polyester fiberfill you can use 'em as a makeshift bulletproof vest! And having one's bosom an immobile mass on one's chest when one moves is soooo flattering.

- I am a celebrity that makes bras in your size! I made them out of recycled upholstery fabric and chicken wire! SO SEXY.

If Keira Knightly ever does a bra line, I will be THROWING my money at her. Other than that, celebrity bras don't acknowledge my existence.

In conclusion, bra shopping is a land that SUCKS FOR EVERYBODY. Argh.
posted by Lexica at 5:20 PM on October 27, 2014 [4 favorites]

But yeah, surgery is scary and painful and leaves ugly scars, so, whaddya gonna do.

A year after surgery, I'd have to say my scars are not at all ugly. Kinda itchy still, but not ugly. I wouldn't care if they were ghastly, though, since going from a JJ to a DD has made my body so much more in line with my self-image.

Anyway, bras! My favorites now are from Soma. Pretty comfortable and well-made.
posted by Squeak Attack at 5:52 PM on October 27, 2014

Don't you want to make those look bigger? Of course you do! We have bras with so much stiff polyester fiberfill you can use 'em as a makeshift bulletproof vest!

OMIGODHOLYSHITYES. I do not need my bras to double as god-damn THROW PILLOWS.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:33 PM on October 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

Breasts, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly:

The Good: When a contact lens slips from your fingers as you're putting it in your eye, your breast catches said lens before it can hit the ground.

The Bad: Don't let your attention wander while you brush your teeth -- it's a good way to get Tom's of Maine runoff in a place on your shirt where none of your coworkers can miss it.

The Ugly: Gulf of Maine shrimp, boiled in the shell, are a real treat. But wear a bib that allows the shrimp's head and tail to slide off your person and onto your plate, unless you enjoy the disconcerting experience of looking down at your bosom and into the eyes of the creature that was your meal.
posted by virago at 6:55 PM on October 27, 2014 [6 favorites]

For a lot of my 20's I was a size 32-A, and once I went into a VS during a big bra sale they had - "buy one, get one free." But in the entire god-damn store, I could only find three bras in that size. Not three styles, three bras. Most of them cut off at 36-A, a few at 34-A.

I once made the mistake of asking a Victoria's Secret saleswoman if they had anything in a 30F. She laughed at me and then she said "no, we only have normal sizes."

Guys. I do not have enormous boobs! I have a tiny ribcage, which makes me need an enormous cup size. My bra-shopping game would not be entertaining at all, though, because it would involve logging on to a website and mail-ordering one of the two bra styles that I wear, because I am not stupid enough anymore to think that I could just walk into a store and buy a bra in my size.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 8:33 PM on October 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

Perhaps there is a sizable market for a 3D printed bra.
posted by tgyg at 11:01 PM on October 27, 2014

One time I was particularly out of bras and jeans, and so I was having a really long, despondent shop in a major department store. I realized a minute or two after I'd shot the bolt on my fitting room that somewhere nearby was a girl and an older female relative, maybe her mom, and the girl was sobbing nonstop. Intermittently the older female relative would murmur, "Try this one," or, "Maybe if we..." It was awful, and I felt like I should leave, but I still needed my goddamn bras. I was there for at least half an hour, maybe an hour, you know how time slows when you're cursing and trying on everything from a 34D to a 36A in every possible style because you're really a 35B-and-three-quarters, and she cried the entire time, the only change the rise and fall in volume as her mother came and went.
I am glad there's a Boob Game Jam. I hope that it helps destigmatize boob-having, because let's face it, it's another way everything a woman can do is wrong, since bras always show too much or not enough, and forget actually using your boobs to feed a baby or please a lover - you're an attention-seeking slut, or maybe you're a bad mother or a giant prude. And of course if they sag or bulge or droop, or they don't match perfectly, or they're too big or too small, you should get surgery, but not in a way that makes it look like you had surgery, you know. At least with a video game there's a way a woman can win.
posted by gingerest at 11:08 PM on October 27, 2014 [5 favorites]

Perhaps there is a sizable market for a 3D printed bra.

If 3D printers can ever produce a comfortable, breathable fabric, maybe so. With current tech, bras are all sewn by actual humans, just like nearly every other article of clothing we wear. Robots don't do fabric assembly very well. (Or they cost more than people do.)

And now I'm imagining Burger Time, but with bra parts instead of lettuce and buns.
posted by asperity at 11:34 PM on October 27, 2014

Oh man, gingerest, I've been that girl. My sympathetic cringe could've been seen from space.

A comic in tune with the FPP that I really like is Busty Girl Comics.
posted by E. Whitehall at 1:34 AM on October 28, 2014

I once made the mistake of asking a Victoria's Secret saleswoman if they had anything in a 30F. She laughed at me and then she said "no, we only have normal sizes."

Different store, same search - I once asked a Macy's clerk why they had so few 32-A bras. She said "we don't stock as many of them because we never get anyone asking for them."

....At least she had the good grace to have a look on her face like, "yeah, I know, but this is what they're telling me to say and I think it's ridiculous too."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:33 AM on October 28, 2014

Guys. I do not have enormous boobs!

Word. 30F represent!

The last time I tried to buy a bra was in September. I promised myself that I was only going to do it if I could walk into a store and walk out with a bra off the shelf. But I caved, and I'm still pissed at myself.

I went to a well-regarded specialty place that I hadn't been to before, and they had exactly one, $100 (!) bra that fit me in the cups, though the band needed to be taken in. And I am still mad at myself for buying it, because lo and behold, it didn't fit as well in the cups after it was adjusted, and that adjustment took three weeks instead of the promised one. Oh, and the black version they had to backorder? It's been seven weeks, and I'm pretty sure it never showed up.

I really, really need to buy more bras. I'm down to three, only one of which really fits. I just wish doing so wasn't a weeks-long process involving phone calls and emails and hundreds of dollars and a salesperson suddenly backpedalling on all of the gusset-against-the-ribcage, not-on-the-smallest-hook gospel. It's depressing and expensive and makes me feel like a mutant.

Lasers, though? That's something I could get behind.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 3:05 AM on October 29, 2014