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October 29, 2014 12:28 PM   Subscribe

 
tl;dr edition (sponsored by NBA Jams 1993)

BOOMSHAKALAKA!

IS IT THE SHOES?!

HE'S ON FIRE!!

CAN'T BUY A BUCKET!!
posted by Fizz at 12:35 PM on October 29, 2014 [6 favorites]


not in my house
posted by a lungful of dragon at 12:45 PM on October 29, 2014


Metafilter:You just need to know that it started out politely enough and ended with me very loudly calling all of them bitches.
posted by vorpal bunny at 12:51 PM on October 29, 2014 [5 favorites]


You play bad and you should feel bad!
posted by dr_dank at 1:04 PM on October 29, 2014


Pretty funny.

Anecdote: Went to the park with my kids this weekend and watched a huge group of 20-40 year-old black guys playing basketball. Rather, a series of drives on the basket followed by a shot followed by a bunch of screaming, arguing, and trash-talking.
posted by resurrexit at 1:19 PM on October 29, 2014


Relevant.
posted by resurrexit at 1:24 PM on October 29, 2014 [2 favorites]


Jumanji!
posted by MrGuilt at 1:35 PM on October 29, 2014


Last time I played pickup basketball with some guys I knew, I taunted one of them (who was older than me) by warning him not to tear his hamstring. Not five minutes later he tore his hamstring. I ended up driving him to the hospital.

So, um, trash-talk responsibly and try to avoid setting up terrible ironies, I guess.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:53 PM on October 29, 2014 [4 favorites]


That guy? He's the clumsy janitor.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:20 PM on October 29, 2014


HE DOES NOTHING BUT DROP BUCKETS
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:20 PM on October 29, 2014 [1 favorite]


Looks like they’re serving corn dogs for dinner tonight, boys!
posted by exogenous at 2:24 PM on October 29, 2014


Ok I get this in that it is sarcastic and contrasts pick-up basketball with refereed professional basketball.

But DO NOT use this as a guide for pick-up games you youngsters. Act like you have been there. I say this as someone that has played hundreds of pick-up games and seen a little too much chesty.

Drain the shot and when you commit a foul call it on yourself.
posted by vapidave at 2:40 PM on October 29, 2014 [1 favorite]


I would never have fucked your sister if I knew the baby would be so damn ugly.
posted by benzenedream at 2:40 PM on October 29, 2014 [1 favorite]


As a corollary, pickup basketball stereotypes. (Because I'm a combination of Mr. Freeze, "I'm Open", and "My Bad" whose hoops nickname was temporarily Harry Potter [I wore glasses on the court], I have no license to say anything.)
posted by Turkey Glue at 2:48 PM on October 29, 2014 [1 favorite]


This video is embedded in the article as a "masterclass" in flagrant fouls (high school basketball). #34 in white should be in jail or on some sort of law enforcement watch list for his crimes. Geeze.
posted by GamblingBlues at 3:19 PM on October 29, 2014


My style is to say nothing for the whole game, never call fouls, ignoring any/all taunting for being old and slow until/unless we win and then I whip off my shirt and scream like Kevin Garnett "GET OFF THE COURT"
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:35 PM on October 29, 2014


A cool thing to say when you sink a walk-up three is "Clap". Btw.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:38 PM on October 29, 2014


Anecdote: Went to the park with my kids this weekend and watched a huge group of 20-40 year-old black guys playing basketball. Rather, a series of drives on the basket followed by a shot followed by a bunch of screaming, arguing, and trash-talking.

I'm a little unclear on what the players' race has to do with this "anecdote."
posted by dersins at 3:50 PM on October 29, 2014


Yeah I used to play with a bunch of 70 year old Jewish guys and everything about that description applies there too.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:07 PM on October 29, 2014


Here's the video from Kobe Bryant taunting Dwight Howard with soft. The best part is 6 foot Pat Beverly grabbing Howard by the hand and towing him aside.
posted by bukvich at 7:34 PM on October 29, 2014


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