...he sees the band's singer inexplicably has a gun
November 2, 2014 3:16 PM   Subscribe

And the Man Next to You... An oddly compelling tumblr with the tragic backstory of every character killed in the movie Under Siege
posted by jonp72 (13 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite
 
This is good.

Having said that, I saw Under Siege enough as a 13-year-old impressionable film-school wannabe to know that this guy was clearly a dummy, and not a well-made one at that.
posted by infinitewindow at 3:24 PM on November 2, 2014


This is both funny and sad, just the way I like my comedy.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:25 PM on November 2, 2014


Yeah, this is really good (also: obligatory xkcd).
posted by toofuture at 5:34 PM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


"When your throat’s torn out in front of your eyes, it leaves you leaking questions. Is that even possible? With his bare hands? How long can I live without a throat? Will he just throw it away now? Or will he keep it? Will he take it home and preserve it in a jar? Will it sit on a high shelf and gather dust? Does this killer have a son, and if so, will that son one day find the jar? Will he take it down and smear away the dust? Will he shake it? Peer through the formaldehyde? Will he press his ear to the glass? And will the throat inside stir, trembling, sensing his presence? Will it whisper to him? What will it say?"
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:12 PM on November 2, 2014 [4 favorites]


How long can I live without a throat?

You have 10-15 seconds of lucid thought and 30-45 seconds before you go unconscious. So probably not long enough to have this stream of consc103035869992CARRIER LOST
posted by localroger at 6:39 PM on November 2, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm just glad it wasn't scarabic that answered that.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:48 PM on November 2, 2014 [3 favorites]


That was compelling. I believe I even saw that movie in a theater when I was...er...hm, too old, really. 25? I mean, it was pretty clear Segal's "best" was behind him at that point, and this seemed like a wake for his career.
posted by maxwelton at 7:06 PM on November 2, 2014


No, this was the peak, Executive Decision was the wake.

Rybeck's backstory should mention his living niece surely?
posted by biffa at 11:29 PM on November 2, 2014


I clearly remember there's a guy gruesomely cut by a bandsaw in this movie (it's about the only thing I remember from it), but I can't see that guy anywhere. Did I miss him?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 12:46 AM on November 3, 2014


They forgot Sean Bean. I thought Sean Bean died at some point in every action movie???
posted by dry white toast at 11:26 AM on November 3, 2014


I clearly remember there's a guy gruesomely cut by a bandsaw in this movie (it's about the only thing I remember from it), but I can't see that guy anywhere. Did I miss him?

According to IMDb, the death-by-bandsaw isn't in every version. I would guess that the author didn't use the US version.
posted by alby at 9:46 AM on November 4, 2014


Speaking of holding recipes...
posted by alby at 11:05 AM on November 4, 2014


My two favorite are

The Darkly Funny:

You’re born. You don’t remember it. You go to school and you meet other children. Some are nice, some are horrible, and one becomes the other without warning. You get a girlfriend. You force her to go further than she’d like sooner than she’d like. You graduate. You get a job. On the weekends you count down the hours until you have to go back to that job. You get married. You have a kid. Soon the kid no longer laughs at your jokes or thinks you’re amazing. You lose the energy to fight and you and your wife just sit together in front of the TV until one of you dies and then the other one dies. Right? No way. Not for him.

The Straight-Up Sad:

His friend, Sarah, once neatly bisected her car around a pole right in the middle of semester. Killed instantly, they said, though they would say that. He wasn’t the least bit surprised. We let idiot teenagers – and he’d included himself in that category – get into roaring steel machines with a bare minimum of training and say
hey, just try not to murder yourself or anyone else, okay? It was patently insane! When he first flew his own plane, he wasn’t frightened at all; he was truly calm for the first time since Sarah. Even traversing a war zone at the speed of sound felt safe compared to the suburban deathtrap of sluggish reflexes waiting down below. He dies in fire, thinking: instantly, instantly, instantly.
posted by toofuture at 6:58 PM on November 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


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