The Classic Hollywood Squares
February 3, 2002 6:17 AM   Subscribe

The Classic Hollywood Squares is dedicated to that most raucous of celebrity game shows. We'll have none of that Bruce Vilanch nonsense here. I'll take Paul Lynde to block, Peter.
posted by MrBaliHai (5 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I loved Paul Lynde and Wally Cox but the funniest thing I've ever seen on the Squares was in the newer edition. The guest appearance by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
posted by treywhit at 6:33 AM on February 3, 2002

Bali ... ya just made my Christmas card list!

I remember seeing this before; but very nice to find it again (and bookmark the sucker!) They've added alot of new stuff too, I see. All the later iterations of the original show have been too painful to endure.

Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

My personal favorites (going from memory):

Peter Marshall: What did Napoleon's troops do with leftover milk?"
Paul Lynde: Put it back in the cow.

Peter Marshall: Tickling an alligator's stomach has a curious effect on him. What does it make him do?
Paul Lynde: It makes him eat you.

Peter Marshall: What does Elizabeth Taylor consider her greatest asset?
Paul Lynde: Her left one.

Peter Marshall: Charley, how high should you be before jumping out of an airplane?
Charley Weaver: I've always found that 3 or 4 days of steady drinking works for me.

Peter Marshall: Zsa Zsa Gabor says she's never done one of these, but would like to try.
Rose Marie: About all I can think of is vikings or furry animals.
posted by RavinDave at 7:11 AM on February 3, 2002

Peter Marshall: Paul, what profession is the most common for prostitutes after they retire?
Paul Lynde: Smuggling!

I always loved him, though I admit that at the time, I didn't understand half of his jokes, his whiney delivery never tired.

Anyone's gaydar going off?
posted by glennie at 8:56 AM on February 3, 2002

Anyone's gaydar going off?

From the link:

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, what's breaking up that old gang of mine?

Paul Lynde: Anita B(r)yant!

'nuff said.
posted by MrBaliHai at 10:40 AM on February 3, 2002

The old show ruled. Here's some more of the others besides Lynde.

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say, "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Peter Marshall: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.

Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way...

Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband's clothing. What item?
Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind...

Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Peter Marshall: Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Peter Marshall: True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
posted by BarneyFifesBullet at 1:50 PM on February 3, 2002

« Older Free Radio Linux   |   "The organiser of a Brisbane sex exhibition is... Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments