The Illuminati Have A Website
November 21, 2014 12:25 PM   Subscribe

"The Illuminati Organization is an elite collective of political leaders, business owners, entertainment celebrities, and other influential members of this planet. By uniting leaders of the world in an unrestrictive, private domain – free of political, religious, and geological boundaries – our organization helps to further the prosperity of the human species as a whole." The Illuminati sorta previously on Metafilter.
posted by marienbad (36 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 


And now, as with all great mysteries of the internet, we wait to see which movie it is guerrilla marketing for.
posted by Reyturner at 12:43 PM on November 21, 2014 [20 favorites]


Somebody drop me a line when they post those Solange wedding photos.
posted by cashman at 12:47 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


And now, as with all great mysteries of the internet, we wait to see which movie it is guerrilla marketing for.

Sadly, the whois info is all protected, only pointing to Tucows as the registrar.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:49 PM on November 21, 2014


Oh wow, these guys are still around? I thought they'd been obsoleted by the Bilderberg group.
posted by vanar sena at 12:50 PM on November 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm betting more like game over a movie - I wouldn't be surprised to see someone try to take the old SJ Illuminati card game (OMG you can still order it!) and try to revitalize it in some more "modern" way... I've been betting on a strategy game based on it for some time now.

The original was an absolutely fantastic game and a great way to alienate your friends from ever wanting to play any game with you again... Then they made it again as a trading card game, which admittedly wasn't a bad one for the genre. I haven't seen it since - I still feel like the original was the best card-based game I've ever played.

Speaking of SJ games, I've been feeling like Ogre needs a modern take - That seems like it would translate exceedingly well to a multi-player realtime environment.
posted by MysticMCJ at 12:53 PM on November 21, 2014 [4 favorites]


Don't worry, this is just another fake Illuminati website, as discussed at Temple Illuminatus' web forum.

Oh wow, these guys are still around? I thought they'd been obsoleted by the Bilderberg group.

You really are out of the loop, aren't you? The Bilderberg group is the most infamous of Illuminati sub-groups, and Bilderberg members pains to distance themselves from associations with the Illuminati.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:56 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


Ze Frank the narrator of the commercial?
posted by Schmucko at 12:58 PM on November 21, 2014


There are so many Illuminati comments on Youtube music videos. I've taken to replying Ewige Blumenkraft! when I see a particularly dumb one.
posted by topynate at 1:02 PM on November 21, 2014 [6 favorites]


This seems like a lot of work to support the only Official Illuminati Twitter Account. What ever movie, TV show, web series, zine or book deal someone was banking on, it hasn't gone too far in a year.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:03 PM on November 21, 2014


Is this where black twitter rises up and conquers the world? These developments have exciting implications.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:03 PM on November 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sure, they try to recruit you by appealing to your good nature and desire to spread prosperity but it's really all about the crazy mask parties at isolated stately manors.
posted by The Whelk at 1:05 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


I had a free account for years on Illuminati Online (io.com) as a builder on their MOO. Does that qualify me for membership?
posted by jim in austin at 1:08 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


jim in austin: Next you'll be telling us that Robert Anton Wilson personally made you a pope.
posted by el io at 1:10 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


Trilateral Commission or GTFO.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:10 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


Then they made it again as a trading card game, which admittedly wasn't a bad one for the genre. I haven't seen it since - I still feel like the original was the best card-based game I've ever played.

The trading card version was Illuminati: New World Order, which I always enjoyed for delving a bit more into specifics. In the original, you might have the UFOs controlling Junk Mail, which in turn controls the Mad Scientists or something. INWO had a much greater variety: I fell in love with the game at the moment I saw the Mafia take out the Supreme Court by threatening it with a strike from a rogue ballistic missile sub. Notwithstanding the conspiracy theories -- heh -- that floated around post-September 2001 when art like this and this from seven years earlier was noticed, I found it funny that the first personality in the set to die (that is, the first one who was alive at the time of the age's release and has since died) was Princess Di. The stories that came out immediately after her death suggested it was caused by paparazzi trailing her too closely. Mindful of the game's status as a modern tarot, I pulled out her card and verified that yes, indeed she was immune to attacks from Liberal or Peaceful groups... except Media.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:14 PM on November 21, 2014 [8 favorites]


French. Canadian. Bean. Soup.

That is all.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 1:20 PM on November 21, 2014 [3 favorites]


Yeah, but this is real:
Participants are noted innovators in business and finance, education, religion, law and medicine, government, the media, science and technology, sports, non-profits and the arts.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:27 PM on November 21, 2014


Sure, they try to recruit you by appealing to your good nature and desire to spread prosperity but it's really all about the crazy mask parties at isolated stately manors.
posted by The Whelk at 4:05 PM on November 21


They probably should have tried to recruit me with the parties.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:35 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


But what progress have they made in our war with the Lizard People?
posted by audi alteram partem at 1:50 PM on November 21, 2014


(I, of course, subscribe to the theory that the Illuminati are distinct from and operating in opposition to the under-dwelling reptoid menace.)
posted by audi alteram partem at 1:52 PM on November 21, 2014


Pfft. The REAL Illuminati have the best foyer in the history of foyers, and if your ultra-secret all-controlling organization actually had a website where you'd discuss your plans for the complete and utter control over the minds and futures of the masses of human rabble, you'd be showin' that shit off and how.
posted by Zack_Replica at 1:54 PM on November 21, 2014


The Illuminati aren't dead, they're just pining for the fnords.
posted by chavenet at 2:01 PM on November 21, 2014 [9 favorites]


(I, of course, subscribe to the theory that the Illuminati are distinct from and operating in opposition to the under-dwelling reptoid menace.)

They are called Silurians - and they are perfectly fine. We need to learn to share our planet!
posted by jb at 2:11 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


jim in austin: Next you'll be telling us that Robert Anton Wilson personally made you a pope.

No, but I did have several meetings with Steve Jackson...
posted by jim in austin at 2:45 PM on November 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


Well it was a lot easier to become a member of the global elite than I had expected.

Your information is not shared with local government authorities.

National government authorities, spam marketers, Russian Viagra salesmen, Nigerian princes and that annoying ex from college, however, can have your email address for free.
posted by Literaryhero at 3:57 PM on November 21, 2014


Shut it down!
posted by QueerAngel28 at 4:53 PM on November 21, 2014


these guys are still around?

Next time you attend your Masonic Lodge meeting, wear an Illuminati pin. No end of fun and enjoyment when you say "it is a pin for the Illuminati"

Fnord.
posted by rough ashlar at 5:43 PM on November 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


No, no they don't.

Perhaps more importantly, neither do you.
posted by Freen at 6:40 PM on November 21, 2014


They may have a website, but do they still have that secret mansion in Colorado known as The Meadows?
posted by Chrysostom at 6:50 PM on November 21, 2014


It feels like there's an ARG in there, but I don't really feel like giving away my email address to an anonymous organization.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:52 PM on November 21, 2014


The real Illuminati doesn't ask for email addresses, they give out email addresses.
posted by b1tr0t at 6:56 PM on November 21, 2014 [4 favorites]


As usual when the Illuminati comes up, I'm reminded of this.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 9:41 PM on November 21, 2014


Next time you attend your Masonic Lodge meeting, wear an Illuminati pin. No end of fun and enjoyment when you say "it is a pin for the Illuminati"

Great idea! More fun, though, I would say, if you exclaim "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to discuss this pin, nor can I remove it."
posted by el io at 12:14 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Wait a minute here!

That's a .ORG TLD!

Who here thinks the Bavarian Seers are REALLY a non-profit?
posted by Samizdata at 2:00 PM on November 23, 2014


Certain individuals who are not currently members of the Illuminati can be examined for possible membership on a case-by-case basis. Some of the factors that may allow you to become a member of the Illuminati include:

An income exceeding $1,000,000 USD annually.
Verifiable authority (politically or financially) over a land space larger than 500,000 acres.
An artist under a contract valued at over $1,000,000.
A bearer of a Centurion Black American Express card (some restrictions).
Individuals distinguished by a Verified Twitter profile badge.
Through written recommendation presented by a family member of blood relation who is already a member of the Illuminati.
By presenting proof of significant influence in a field of business or entertainment.


According to my American students, the only way people get these things is by being part of the Illuminati already.
posted by MsDaniB at 3:27 AM on November 24, 2014


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