Slip Out the Back Jack; Make a New Plan Stan...
November 22, 2014 7:40 AM   Subscribe

She Ate Combos: And 20 Other Surprising Relationship Last Straws Explained "Paul Simon crooned there are "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," and Megan Rosati claims there are 52, but that's not even the tip of the iceberg when you're talking about reasons for dumping someone. " [cached version]
posted by 724A (214 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
 
A few of these just seem petty or awfully incommunicative.
posted by rorgy at 7:48 AM on November 22, 2014 [8 favorites]


I once stopped seeing a guy because he told me he had "just discovered a wonderful television show called HBO's The Wire."

Well, there's a hell of a reason to end a relationship.

Some of the people stating these "reasons" come across as pretty shallow, the other person was probably lucky they got dumped..
posted by HuronBob at 7:49 AM on November 22, 2014 [22 favorites]


In retrospect, it's ALWAYS been lucky for me to have been dumped.
posted by Floydd at 7:52 AM on November 22, 2014 [11 favorites]


I think a shrimp in a top hat would make an awesome tattoo.
posted by prize bull octorok at 7:53 AM on November 22, 2014 [30 favorites]


20 People Fortunate To Have Escaped Relationships With The Judgemental
posted by trunk muffins at 7:55 AM on November 22, 2014 [56 favorites]


TIL that some people consider yogurt immoral.
posted by bouvin at 7:56 AM on November 22, 2014 [9 favorites]


Most of these seem petty. But voted for Romney? Yeah, DTMFA.
posted by Splunge at 7:57 AM on November 22, 2014 [26 favorites]


After 4 great months, I introduced him to my best friend. At dinner he casually busted out with "I just don't like seeing white girls dating black dudes, you know?"

RECORD SCRATCH
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:58 AM on November 22, 2014 [80 favorites]


TIL that some people consider yogurt immoral.

Culture is often immoral.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:59 AM on November 22, 2014 [55 favorites]


What is with this Olive Garden!! I am now intensely curious about this chain.
posted by dhruva at 8:00 AM on November 22, 2014 [8 favorites]


Well, okay, the hygiene and failure-of-hinting one made me feel really, really ill. That and the Romney one, boom.

I dread dating a serious vegan, as I mostly cook vegan but have cheese-based lapses.

I assume that most of these are really about casual relationships where you might break up over dumb stuff. I don't think I've ever broken up with someone for reasons other than We Are Boring Each Other In Most Aspects Of This Relationship.
posted by Frowner at 8:03 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


She smelled like soup.
posted by Che boludo! at 8:05 AM on November 22, 2014 [9 favorites]


9. He hated Roseanne.

SING IT SISTER
posted by chaiminda at 8:11 AM on November 22, 2014 [9 favorites]


I asked him what his sexual fantasy was, and he said, "Two redheads." I'm a brunette.

*whoosh*

It's a hilarious joke and I'm stealing it.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:12 AM on November 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


#14. Oh my god.
posted by Renoroc at 8:13 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


This reads like Cosmo at the nail salon.
posted by infini at 8:16 AM on November 22, 2014


I'll just refer to a previous comment of mine on this particular issue.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 8:17 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


What is with this Olive Garden!! I am now intensely curious about this chain.

Maybe you can ask MeFi's own Greg Nog. He used to work there. (Previously)
posted by radwolf76 at 8:17 AM on November 22, 2014 [7 favorites]


I thinking acting like Rumpelstiltskin would be a better reason to break it off with someone. Preferably before they tore themselves in half.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:20 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


16. His family made subpar gum. I was in "talks" with two dudes, and one dude's family owned a candy company.

I would think that dude dodged a bullet because otherwise he would have had to dump the person who wrote this anecdote for making a romance sound like a corporate merger.
posted by winna at 8:20 AM on November 22, 2014 [20 favorites]


What is with this Olive Garden!! I am now intensely curious about this chain.


Olive Garden is a style of cuisine I'd call Adequate American. You take people there because everyone can get something they like, there won't be any surprises, and it'll be okay, if not great. It's adequate. It's the kind of place you take your older relatives that don't like anything or you take the kids to because they won't get anything weird.

In New York, it's probably possible in a literal sense to throw a rock and hit a better Italian restaurant.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:21 AM on November 22, 2014 [17 favorites]


What is with this Olive Garden!!

I once heard something like: "in their 20s, people use musical taste to jockey for social hierarchy; in their 30s, they use food".

People sneering at Olive Garden is the same thing as insecure music nerds sneering at Taylor Swift. Hating Olive Garden or Taylor Swift is a (somewhat arbitrarily chosen) social marker that proclaims "I am not one of the mouthbreathing plebes; I am a person of taste and sophistication".

I mean, I don't like Taylor Swift either – but I'm not offended that she exists, or that other people find value in what she does, you know? I just don't think about her, and try to invest my emotional energy in more consequential things.

Some of these breakups sound a little petty, but the Romney voter, the yogurt guy, and the dog guy had it coming. And I assume that even the petty-sounding reasons were really the straw that broke the camel's back – no one breaks up with someone over The Wire unless there were already problems.

And a number of these sound less like breakups of an actual relationship, and more like breaking things off early in dating. Someone who invites me over to watch The Mindy Project would not be getting a call back, either.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 8:21 AM on November 22, 2014 [37 favorites]


20 People Fortunate To Have Escaped Relationships With The Judgemental

Some of them sound a bit petty but good lord at least 2 or 3 are immediate HUGE dealbreakers and a bunch more are perfectly understandable.
posted by kmz at 8:23 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


I'm not sure who the Olive Garden of music is, exactly, but it feels more like a Maroon 5 than a Taylor Swift.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:26 AM on November 22, 2014 [37 favorites]


Mine: I logged into Netflix at his house and his internet was too slow to actually watch anything. He then proceeded to watch Netflix on my profile for weeks, messing up all my recommendations.

(Yes petty, but just the deciding factor in a budding relationship I was pretty ambivalent on. I imagine most of the stories have similar roots but the pithy petty reason makes for a better story.)
posted by yellowbinder at 8:26 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


How are you gonna let yourself be surprised by licking someone's dirty poophole like that? Am I licking someone's dirty poophole illiterate?
posted by oceanjesse at 8:28 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Well, that's the whole point: it was a dirty poophole. If you're expecting to get frisky with someone, and especially if you're going to encourage them to "[go] for the rimjob", you need to make sure the poophole is tidy and presentable.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 8:35 AM on November 22, 2014 [16 favorites]


Flip around the genders of the giver/receiver and I had an experience that, uh, was not entirely unlike #14 while in college. Slip(ped) out the back, jack, indeed.
posted by The Gooch at 8:38 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Uh oh. I sing at movie theaters, and out loud. I was doing that without prompting at the last scheduled metafilter meetup I attended.
posted by halifix at 8:40 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Lists like these make me wonder about the shallowest reason anyone's ever dumped me. Wearing shoes indoors? Not using a flat sheet? Some silly inoffensive remark that I've long since forgotten? Watching VH1? Would I recognize myself if I made it onto this list?

Sadly, I bet most of the reasons were "she's kinda fat."
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:44 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


I did break up with the woman before my wife in part because she hated garlic and didn't even like me to eat it. Obviously there was other stuff but I couldn't see a life without garlic.
posted by octothorpe at 8:53 AM on November 22, 2014 [34 favorites]


I stopped at the crusty part. Yikes!
posted by McMillan's Other Wife at 8:55 AM on November 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter: you need to make sure the poophole is tidy and presentable.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:58 AM on November 22, 2014 [18 favorites]


I had a similar one to showbiz liz ... Id known him socially for years and we were chatting about an ex-girlfriend of his that we were both friendly with, and I asked idly why they broke up anyway. He goes, "Well dating an Asian is fine, but obviously I'm only going to MARRY someone white."

I was like, "Uh, we're done here."

(If I'd been clever I would have been like "Well that won't be me!" or "I bet you won't marry anyone at all!" but I was too shocked by his heretofore totally unexpected casual racism, as well as his assumption that it was "obvious" and shared to do more than stammer and leave.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:00 AM on November 22, 2014 [12 favorites]


dtmfa, ray
posted by jfuller at 9:05 AM on November 22, 2014 [16 favorites]


EVERY MEFI THREAD WHERE OLIVE GARDEN GETS MENTIONED:

1. lol Olive Garden is the worst right
2. Actually Olive Garden is OK if you have to entertain elderly relatives who hate food and are lame
3. Slagging on Olive Garden is a means of sociocultural positioning and you are all hipster snobs
5. You know Greg Nog worked at an Olive Garden once
6. Fuck alla y'all, I love Olive Garden
7. What about their fake Tuscan cooking school? C'mon
8. Those breadsticks and salad though
9. Well yeah
10. Meetup at Olive Garden?
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:06 AM on November 22, 2014 [212 favorites]


I like combos. The seven-layer-dip ones especially. I gave some to my friend Pete and he said he could only taste five.
posted by jonmc at 9:06 AM on November 22, 2014 [9 favorites]


Olive Garden made me sick both times I ate there. And this is me talking.
posted by jonmc at 9:08 AM on November 22, 2014 [10 favorites]


Olive Garden is between good and bad. Olive Garden is external to both. Olive Garden is zen.
posted by oceanjesse at 9:10 AM on November 22, 2014


IIRC, most of these were Seinfeld episodes.
posted by klarck at 9:14 AM on November 22, 2014 [11 favorites]


I once stopped seeing a guy because he told me he had "just discovered a wonderful television show called HBO's The Wire."

Well yeah because once people get into The Wire all they ever talk about is how great The Wire is and hey look it's that guy who was in The Wire he was so great in The Wire and The Wire was so great and hey this issue was covered in The Wire and it was so great and--- YES METAFILTER I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 9:17 AM on November 22, 2014 [16 favorites]


You're the only one talking about it.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:23 AM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


the Romney voter, the yogurt guy, and the dog guy had it coming

I'm really surprised you left out Mr. Behatted Shrimp.
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 9:24 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


(#4 was delivered to the wrong thread by an inexperienced server)
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:30 AM on November 22, 2014 [10 favorites]


I quit seeing a girl over TV. She cooked me dinner (nice!) and after dinner she leads me over to the couch, and she's all like "you gotta watch Friends and Seinfeld with me! I can't believe you've never watched them!"

Hoo-boy, did I not like those shows. TV is important.
posted by Cookiebastard at 9:32 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Dump me for eating Combos? MORE FOR ME!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:32 AM on November 22, 2014 [6 favorites]


The Walking Dead is where The Wire actors are hanging out this days.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:32 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm really surprised you left out Mr. Behatted Shrimp.

That story reminded me of a story my friend's tattoo artist told us. In brief: "My friend had these nasty whiteboy dreads, so one time when he was blackout drunk I cut one off and we all took pictures with it. In revenge, he convinced all my other tattoo artist friends to get me super drunk one day, then they all took me to my own tattoo shop and let him ink me. He was NOT a tattoo artist."

He told us this story after I asked "most of your tats are amazing, but why do you have a hideously bad drawing of a toilet with the words Bitch City written under it?"
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:32 AM on November 22, 2014 [48 favorites]


This reminds me of my all-time favourite Metafilter thread: "He cried during the last Lord of The Rings movie". Ostensibly a link to the "I knew it was over when" blog, but the comments here were so much better than the blog itself.
posted by metaBugs at 9:34 AM on November 22, 2014 [7 favorites]


Not using a flat sheet?

Marry me!

Wearing shoes indoors?

Shit, wait, nevermind. It would never work.
posted by soundguy99 at 9:34 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


For me, the only deal-breaker is being active on MetaFilter.
posted by zscore at 9:35 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


I've seen the first season and a little of the second of The Wire and never quite got the mystique around it. It's an OK police procedural but I'm not much of a fan of that genre and there's wasn't really enough to keep me watching.
posted by octothorpe at 9:40 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


What is with this Olive Garden!! I am now intensely curious about this chain.

And now you know how Metafilter got me reading Reddit.
posted by bswinburn at 9:45 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm really surprised you left out Mr. Behatted Shrimp.

My list was not meant to be comprehensive. A penchant for godawful tattoos is definitely a fireable offense.

(I used to live in a small. be-hippied college town whose local tattoo shop ran a similar promo. They had a sheet of flash art hanging in the window, consisting of the stupidest shit they could think of – a carrot; two fried eggs with a side of bacon; you get the idea. And you could get any of those tattoos for free, in order to provide their novice artists with experience (!). Kids lined up around the block to get intentionally stupid images tattooed poorly on their bodies. (Perhaps not coincidentally, many of these folks were the same people who idolized GG Allin and Bukowski.) Yeah. Big turn-off.

TV is important.

Which might sound silly at first glance, but it's kinda hard to forge or sustain a relationship without hanging out and doing fun stuff together. And if one of that person's favorite pastimes is someting you utterly detest (or vice versa) – well, that doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but it doesn't help.

Anyway, to some extent, one's taste in art and entertainment really does reflect one's values, at least often enough to be worth paying attention to. If someone loves Thomas Kinkade or Homeland, I'm gonna be on the lookout for other signs that, hey, maybe we don't really have compatible worldviews.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 9:57 AM on November 22, 2014 [6 favorites]


Puts my relationship problems into perspective. Heaven forbid I date someone that likes The Wire.
posted by Marinara at 10:08 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Olive Garden appeals to some weird demographic that could be surrounded by fine family-owned versions of the same food, but will wait for a chain to come along that makes it "ok" or "normal" or "safe." Dial it back to the 70s and substitute Pizza Hut for Olive Garden.
posted by lagomorphius at 10:09 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


I don't even know what a Combo is (this is something I'd have to have an American to understand, right?), but getting food all over your fingers and then touching my hair/face/skin ... nononononononono! :(
posted by daisyk at 10:11 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


4. He was pop culturally illiterate. I once stopped seeing a guy because he told me he had "just discovered a wonderful television show called HBO's The Wire."

I can read this two ways: He was dropped because he thinks The Wire is wonderful, or because he just discovered it.
posted by ogooglebar at 10:12 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


Combos.

(some are delicious, some are awful, you are likely to get residue from the filling on your hands.)
posted by soundguy99 at 10:17 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: cheese-based lapses
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:17 AM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


This is the weirdest list — you get the sense that whoever assembled it ranks everything on it as equally weird and petty, but while most of them are ridiculous or just clearly the last straw in a bad relationship, some of them are legitimate jesus christ dealbreaker like yesterday stuff. Shoplifting? Misogyny? Voting for Romney?
posted by you're a kitty! at 10:18 AM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


Some of those sound petty, and some of those are dumpable offenses. Liking a certain TV show, eating combos, or listening to Taylor Swift? Who cares. Poor hygiene or shoplifting cufflinks? DTMFA.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect to date someone who has all the "right" tastes in food, TV shows, or what have you. But who knows - some of those reasons-for-dumping might be a last straw. And sometimes it is a clue to a person's character. (Example: if you hate Catelyn or Sansa from Game of Thrones, that would give me pause, because I see myself as a lot like Sansa.)

But a grown-ass man who thinks it's fun to shoplift (and isn't desperately poor and shoplifting diapers for his baby or something like that) or who doesn't shower or wash his ass (!!!) - that's a sign of bad character, and a great big relationship red flag, if you ask me.

And one person's dealbreaker is another person's asset. The woman who broke up with the Turkish guy because he didn't want a dog - if he was a cat person (and apparently cats are much more popular than dogs in Turkey) - I'd date a cat person who didn't want a dog, because I'm a cat person. I bet the Romney voter could easily find another Romney voter with whom to live happily ever after.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:19 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


I don't mind Olive Garden, and could see myself eating there tonight. If not for the fact that the rimjob story killed my appetite for the week.
posted by weathergal at 10:22 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Dump anyone who thinks you have a lot of books.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:23 AM on November 22, 2014 [45 favorites]


"We need to make reading sexy again. If you go over to someone's place and they don't have any books, don't fuck them." - John Waters
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:24 AM on November 22, 2014 [21 favorites]


I was thinking about getting brunch. Then I read #14.
posted by sfkiddo at 10:29 AM on November 22, 2014


I went to Olive Garden and they don't have any books and I'm not sure how to proceed
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:29 AM on November 22, 2014 [21 favorites]


We need to make reading sexy again.

That quote was a dealbreaker for me re: John Waters
posted by postcommunism at 10:30 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Fffm: at my store we sell tshirts and tote bags with that quote on them.
posted by jonmc at 10:30 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


I just sent my wife a text asking her to pick up some combos while she's at the store.
posted by Area Man at 10:33 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


"We need to make reading sexy again. If you go over to someone's place and they don't have any books, don't fuck them."

But I get all my books from the library...
posted by jcreigh at 10:33 AM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


Well don't fuck in the library.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:35 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


ugh, half of these are fine and normal reasons and the other half feel like they're on the list so people can say "ha ha look at these stupid shallow women amirite"
posted by poffin boffin at 10:37 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


> "Dump anyone who thinks you have a lot of books."

If my sweetie did not amicably restrict me to the number of books that can fit in our generous number of bookshelves, we would be forced to use books as furniture, bed linens, and flatware because there would be literally room for nothing else in our flat.

There are always exceptions to every rule.
posted by kyrademon at 10:39 AM on November 22, 2014 [9 favorites]


I've seen the first season and a little of the second of The Wire and never quite got the mystique around it. It's an OK police procedural

I know Wikipedia lists it as a police procedural, but it is in no way, shape or form in the same category as CSI or Kojak.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 10:50 AM on November 22, 2014


Ever hear of Combolingus?

That's where you suck out the felling of a combo using only your lips and tongue to maneuver the snack.
posted by Renoroc at 10:52 AM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


I dumped my ex because he came out to his mom, and she accepted his news, and our relationship completely. She and I are still friends.

He went off on a tangent about how her acceptance was "oppressive". I decided I didn't need a professional victim creating that kind of drama everywhere. He's now in another state, still going on and on about how people keep holding him down. I ain't got time for that.
posted by disclaimer at 10:58 AM on November 22, 2014 [12 favorites]


And yeah, that list has some pretty petty bullshit on it.
posted by disclaimer at 10:59 AM on November 22, 2014


Y'all. The Combos story isn't "she ate Combos so I dumped her!" It's "she ran her beCombosd fingers THROUGH MY HAIR."
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:00 AM on November 22, 2014 [17 favorites]


Oh come on, everyone likes The Mindy Project.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:03 AM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


How to eat a Combo: Bite in half lengthwise. Eat upper half of pretzel or cracker shell. Use your tongue to unwedge the log of flavored cheese food product from the other half of the shell and consume.
Eat the bottom half of the pretzel/cracker shell for dessert.

Repeat until the bag is empty or your flight lands.

For some reason I only buy combos in airports.
posted by newpotato at 11:16 AM on November 22, 2014 [19 favorites]


I broke up with someone after I saw their furniture.

Y'all can call that petty, but you didn't see that furniture.
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:17 AM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


Hell, I don't even touch my own hair (or my face, or any other part of myself) if I have snack residue on my hands. Combos guy, call me sometime.
posted by palomar at 11:19 AM on November 22, 2014


This post made me reflect on all of my 'failed' relationship attempts since I was divorced 7 years ago. As someone who dated a fair amount, and as both dumper and dumpee I often wondered why its so hard to talk about these types of things and people find it easier to just run away. Certainly, some of these could have been resolved through a empathetic conversation and a little patience on each side. Some truth I'm sure to the notion that this was the 'last straw.'

I found when people tried to share the reasons 'forthrightly' it always came down to platitudes and I never left feeling like I'd learned anything useful in self-improvement. Sad really, because I am sure I could use the feedback. One exception was the lady who flat out told me I didn't make enough money.

The two most memorable- the one who dumped me because I had a small coffee stain on my shirt - spilled coffee on ride to office, and met her after work. Se seemed to take pleasure in sharing that nugget. Oh, and the one who liked to shit as she had orgasm - not my particular kink.
posted by sfts2 at 11:22 AM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


what
posted by poffin boffin at 11:25 AM on November 22, 2014 [17 favorites]


like was there any kind of precoital discussion/warning or did it all just happen right then and there like it was an okay thing for humans to do
posted by poffin boffin at 11:26 AM on November 22, 2014 [13 favorites]


No, no warning. A short discussion took place afterward.
posted by sfts2 at 11:32 AM on November 22, 2014 [29 favorites]


this tale brings new hilarity to the thread title, for which i salute you.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:38 AM on November 22, 2014 [32 favorites]


She seemed to take pleasure in sharing that nugget.

Nopenopenopenopenope
posted by argonauta at 11:39 AM on November 22, 2014 [12 favorites]


Hold on a second -- why isn't "hating [The Mindy Project] a (somewhat arbitrarily chosen) social marker that proclaims 'I am not one of the mouthbreathing plebes; I am a person of taste and sophistication''."
posted by mr. digits at 12:04 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


#ThisIsWhyI'mSingle
posted by distressingly thick sheets at 12:17 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


Whether we're talking about hating on the Olive Garden or the Mindy Project, I don't understand projecting motivations on people for it. If a person can "just" like these things, why can't others "just" dislike them?

Also, I never broke up with someone over some little thing, but not having a second or third date, sure. Like discovering their alphabetically-ordered collection of Tom Cruise movies.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 12:18 PM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


I once didn't date (but did sleep with; I was young) a guy who was a Raelian. Dealbreaker.

Didn't date another guy because he spent 95% of our first and only date talking about his ex boyfriend.

Had an amazing first date once with a charming, gorgeous, generally lovely fellow. He was getting laid that night right up until the moment he snapped his fingers for the waiter. Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:22 PM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


#ThisIsWhyI'mSingle

That malformed hashtag may scare away programmers and people obsessed with tweeting, but that's a rather small group of people, so you should be fine.
posted by effbot at 12:32 PM on November 22, 2014 [7 favorites]


i'd love to dump someone for using that john waters quote w/ me.
posted by raihan_ at 12:33 PM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


Books can be a deal-breaker, though. I once dated a guy who only had self-help books on his shelves. Two full shelves of the most cloying, awful-sounding self-help books and nothing else. No way was I going to go there.
posted by kariebookish at 12:34 PM on November 22, 2014


If a person can "just" like these things, why can't others "just" dislike them?

Those of us who "just" dislike the Olive Garden (for example) don't generally insist on talking on and on about how much we dislike it and how horrible it is and what it implies about America and Americans and the people who like to eat there and and and…

It's not disliking Olive Garden that's an issue, it's the performative display of that dislike.
posted by Lexica at 12:34 PM on November 22, 2014 [12 favorites]


effbot call me
posted by distressingly thick sheets at 12:35 PM on November 22, 2014


At dinner he casually busted out with "I just don't like seeing white girls dating black dudes, you know?"

This is wheeeere the party ends....
posted by JHarris at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2014 [8 favorites]


newpotato I like to mix up that classic combos eating style with "the whistle": suck the filling out of the combo, then eat the empty shell. Combos are the best for airport snacks because they're a food you get to entertain yourself with while eating.
posted by holyrood at 1:35 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


beCombosd

oh man I am having a hard time keeping up with all these small-userbase OSes.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:36 PM on November 22, 2014 [14 favorites]


Is this the singles' party they told me about on the other site?
posted by infini at 1:45 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Dump anyone who thinks you have a lot of books.

♫ Too many books ♫
posted by Sys Rq at 1:48 PM on November 22, 2014 [29 favorites]


To be fair, most of the petty-sounding reasons came with caveats as to why they were emblematic of larger issues.

I LOLed at the shrimp tattoo one, I must admit.

I am perplexed by anyone who gets close enough to butthole to smell that it is in a state of poopiness, and then decides to keep going anyway. What?

My read on the thing with "The Wire" is that they had just now discovered it, having apparently never heard of it before.
posted by desuetude at 2:05 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


I would definitely prefer to date someone who's already over their not-shutting-the-fuck-up-about-The-Wire phase.
posted by Space Coyote at 2:15 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Here I thought "combos" was some drive-through scene:

"I'll have a burger and fries."

"You want to make that a combo?"

"OK"

/storms out of car
posted by sylvanshine at 2:15 PM on November 22, 2014 [23 favorites]


You know what, I'm not going to look up what a combo is - let there be some mystery in life.
posted by The Whelk at 2:24 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


I'm not going to look up what a combo is

I.... hae you never been in a gas station? Combos. The little crackery/pretzeley tubes filled with notionally edible goop such as easy-cheez.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:28 PM on November 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


I mean, that's like living in America and not knowing what Corn Nuts are. Not liking Corn Nuts? Sure, I get that. They're kinda gross. Never having tried Corn Nuts? Sure. But to be a grown adult and never have seen Corn Nuts or Combos and at least been a little curious just how bleccch they are? The only way I can see that is if you never went on a road trip, and that's no way to go through life, son.

(Best road trip find ever: the BeeBo Creme Filled Booper. Didn't get it because it looked like a taco made out of twinkie ingredients. But still... not just any kind of Booper, nosireebob. A creme-filled Booper.)
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:31 PM on November 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Dude. Not all of us go to the same gas stations you go to. I can assure you that around here, none of them sell anything that's called 'combos'.

(No, I've no idea what 'easy-cheez' is either, and I don't think I want to know.)
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:32 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


If I was dating someone who kept getting $5 tattoos, I'd be more concerned about the Hep than the aesthetic qualities of the tattoos.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:33 PM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


Cue Dead Poets' Society scene: "Then I saw the Combo, cheezy crunchy snack / Cutting off the date 'cuz it was totally wack."
posted by argonauta at 2:39 PM on November 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Frankly, I'm baffled at someone turning down the opportunity to rewatch The Wire with someone who hasn't seen it. So much for the joy of sharing.
posted by McCoy Pauley at 2:46 PM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


I'd also be concerned about the Hep with #14, because that's just nasty.


In fact, from now on, I think discovering someone's lack of hygiene during a session of anilingus should be referred to as a "#14".
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:52 PM on November 22, 2014 [10 favorites]


> "I dread dating a serious vegan, as I mostly cook vegan but have cheese-based lapses."

Just wanted to say, not all of us vegans are judgey judgey about that kind of thing. I can't imagine ever even commenting on someone else's dietary choices.
posted by kyrademon at 3:07 PM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


(I haven't heard of combos OR Corn Nuts so there)
posted by The Whelk at 3:32 PM on November 22, 2014


> I.... hae you never been in a gas station? Combos.

I've driven across country up-down and side-side, stopping at many gas stations along the way, and I've never seen these 'combo' things before.

(or I have and they just never registered)
posted by postcommunism at 3:34 PM on November 22, 2014


MetFilter: A short discussion took place afterward.

Also:

I once didn't date (but did sleep with; I was young) a guy who was a Raelian. Dealbreaker.


I guess one advantage of dating a Raelian is that, if things don't work out, they may have a clone with a better personality who can still wear that shirt you bought as an Xmas gift....
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:42 PM on November 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Actually, after a google image search, maybe I have? Like they've been under my nose this whole time?

A constellation of snack food hidden in plain sight.
posted by postcommunism at 3:42 PM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]




I'm currently "breaking up" with some longtime friends over the vegan thing. Seriously, they're on FB every day lecturing everyone on how any diet choices but theirs are eeeeevul.
posted by telstar at 3:55 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


Control-F for "She smelled like soup"; was not disappointed.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 4:06 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


FYI....Combos are the ugly step child of the KING of road food (and acid trips, w OJ of course)..I give you..... CornQuistos!
my work here is done..
posted by shockingbluamp at 4:22 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I've lived in the states for years and in Canada for most of the rest and, while I know I have heard of "Combos" and probably seen the bag, I have no idea what the snack looks or tastes like except for vague images cobbled together from this thread.
posted by 256 at 4:27 PM on November 22, 2014


I've never eaten them either. I always imagined they would taste like dog treats smell.
posted by winna at 4:30 PM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


On a milk carton: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOOPER?
posted by JHarris at 4:42 PM on November 22, 2014


BeeBo Creme Filled Boopers are now known as Blue Bird Creme Bingles

I just wanted to type that once because, frankly, I don't see the opportunity arising ever again.
posted by plastic_animals at 4:44 PM on November 22, 2014 [30 favorites]


Combos are one of those snack foods that seems to be (and probably is) entirely synthetic – like Pringles or, I dunno, circus peanuts. They started with a good idea – I mean, cheese-filled pretzels are great, right? But in the process of making it shelf-stable and mass-produceable, they created a hollow, lurching golem instead. The pretzel shell isn't crispy so much as it is brittle, shattering under one's teeth into dry shards. The cheese filling tastes mostly of salt and sadness, and is somehow grainy and sludgy at the same time. You know the filling in those Lance cheese-and-chive cracker sandwiches? It's like that, but worse.

And having described them, now I really want some. [mentally calculates the bodega-walk-distance-to-outdoor-frigidity ratio]
posted by escape from the potato planet at 5:18 PM on November 22, 2014 [12 favorites]


I've never eaten them either. I always imagined they would taste like dog treats smell.

That... is a remarkably... prescient... imagination you have.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:27 PM on November 22, 2014 [9 favorites]


Dip pretzels in cheez-wiz, that's basically what they taste like. The texture of the 'cheese'-product inside is closer to, hmm, the filling of an Oreo though.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:30 PM on November 22, 2014


I consider myself a connoisseur of gas station food and I've never heard of a combo. Are they all over the US? I've spent most of my life in the SW, west coast, and PNW.
posted by gucci mane at 5:32 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


The product was originally created by the Anheuser-Busch brewery's snack food arm, Eagle Snacks, before Mars purchased the assets when Eagle Snacks was dissolved in 1996

That probably explains the state you need to be in to think that buying a bag of those nasty things is a good idea.
posted by octothorpe at 5:34 PM on November 22, 2014


Here's a Combos commercial that will give you a pretty good idea of what they are. The few times I've eaten them I've been surprised how salty they are.
posted by Daddy-O at 5:47 PM on November 22, 2014


That probably explains the state you need to be in to think that buying a bag of those nasty things is a good idea.

Missouri?
posted by kmz at 5:47 PM on November 22, 2014 [23 favorites]


Combos own, and moreover, they give my hair that full-bodied bounce and shine that other snacks just can't quite achieve.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 6:21 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


Y'all. The Combos story isn't "she ate Combos so I dumped her!" It's "she ran her beCombosd fingers THROUGH MY HAIR."

Sounds pretty darn sensual to me.
posted by Area Man at 6:25 PM on November 22, 2014


Vegetarian taxidermist. One date.
Now, I don't usually order the steak, but for special occasions I'll make an exception.
posted by sexyrobot at 6:50 PM on November 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Remember when one could score a little bag of Combos (and I'm talking cracker/pizza, not pretzel/cheese, fools) and Little Debbie swiss cake rolls for under a dollar? I'm getting a little misty eyed just thinking about it.
posted by mr. digits at 7:01 PM on November 22, 2014


So this is now a thread about Combos...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:12 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


Perhaps it's time to discuss the dump-worthiness of liking over-hopped IPAs, pumpkin spice, or Phil Collins.
posted by mubba at 7:14 PM on November 22, 2014


Don't be ridiculous, nobody likes Phil Collins.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:21 PM on November 22, 2014 [7 favorites]


Hey, according to Rolling Stone Kanye West is a Collins fan, and that guy knows what's what.
posted by mr. digits at 7:27 PM on November 22, 2014


I'm having entirely too much fun reading the aforementioned thread from 2012.

I might have decided that somebody was not worth dating when I dropped him hard on a bike ride which was probably more like a tentative first date, and didn't look back.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:29 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


YES that thread was fucking golden, i might have to take some time out of my busy gay mage seducing schedule to reread it
posted by poffin boffin at 7:46 PM on November 22, 2014


After an erotic screening of Gods and Generals, we were walking out of the movie theater when she said, "I think this song is by Bob Dylan."

"I don't know who that is."
posted by chinesefood at 7:53 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


(I haven't heard of combos OR Corn Nuts so there)

Whattaya, some kinda Communist ??!!!
posted by soundguy99 at 7:53 PM on November 22, 2014


(I haven't heard of combos OR Corn Nuts so there)

Of course you haven't. They're not on the menu at Olive Garden. SNOB SNAP!
posted by Sys Rq at 8:20 PM on November 22, 2014 [3 favorites]


1st date: lasted 36 hours, too good to even describe, including a bunch of fooling around, great kisser.

2nd date: noticed the picture of her standing with Oliver North, his arm around her, on a shelf in her living room. Asked her about it, and her response was, "yes, it's Oliver North, and no, I don't want to talk about it".

I asked her if she had any strong political leanings, and with hand on her lovely hip, she hissed that she was a Conservative Republican, and close friends with the Bush family (politics never came up during the first date, cardinal rule and all).

I wished her well, and bolted out of there faster than fiber optics cable. Never responded to her phone calls or email. I feel zero guilt about the entire incident, and I'm Jewish, for chrissakes.
posted by dbiedny at 8:41 PM on November 22, 2014 [7 favorites]


I was eating when I read this and wish there had been some kind of a gross-out warning for the "hygiene issues" one. Seriously that was a rally horribly disgusting thing to drop into the middle of an otherwise inoffensive article like that.
posted by edheil at 8:46 PM on November 22, 2014


You guys are making me feel guilty about not being done with season five of the wire so I can be done talking about it already or something
posted by oceanjesse at 8:55 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Just remembered a time when the book thing nearly bit me in the ass. He'd mentioned how he hates reading books early on in the dating. I was.. leery to say the least, after that. Until the next time I was over at his place, flipping through his iPad (with permission!) and found a) a gajillion books bought from iTunes, b) his Safari bookmarks bar was like NYTimes/Longform/etc.

He actually doesn't like the physical act of reading books. Very odd, but hell of a guy.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:59 PM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


My buddy got dumped by his girlfriend because he liked Silence of the Lambs. She dumped him on the way out of the movie theatre. I suspect that this wasn't the only reason she dumped him.
posted by arcticseal at 9:00 PM on November 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


There was one memorable occasion when I dumped someone for reading a book.



It was because he happened to be driving at the time.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:10 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


I only dumped people for really good reasons like cheating, alcoholism and anger problems, but in retrospect I wish I'd dumped them much earlier for petty reasons like having a messy car, or playing Hootie and the Blowfish while we had sex.
posted by desjardins at 9:15 PM on November 22, 2014 [5 favorites]


playing Hootie and the Blowfish while we had sex.

"It's just that... you and me, come from different worlds..."
posted by louche mustachio at 9:19 PM on November 22, 2014 [7 favorites]


I don't even mind Hootie and the Blowfish all that much! Just not during sex, please.
posted by desjardins at 9:24 PM on November 22, 2014


playing Hootie and the Blowfish while we had sex.

I am now reminded of the dude who, when we we got to his place and were very certainly going to have sex, asked if I wanted to watch a documentary about Townes Van Zandt. "That would probably be pretty depressing" I said. So he put on NewsRadio.
posted by primalux at 9:45 PM on November 22, 2014


Oh and in case it needed to be said...

We then had a lot of sex while Andy Dick and Joe Rogan loomed in the background.
posted by primalux at 9:49 PM on November 22, 2014 [2 favorites]




This is my gross-out face.

My American wife, whom I love very much and who is an excellent and eclectic cook, had only the vaguest idea what these were. Thank goodness! I knew there was some reason why I married her!
posted by Autumn Leaf at 11:14 PM on November 22, 2014


"BeeBo Creme Filled Boopers are now known as Blue Bird Creme Bingles"

What kind of corporate tone-deaf, colorblind marketing droid would make that godawful substitution??

(also, off the top of my head and into your life, is it lost on anyone that, technically,
Hootie and the Blowfish are a combo??!?)
posted by Chitownfats at 1:37 AM on November 23, 2014


playing Hootie and the Blowfish while we had sex.

ok but does everyone remember the NPR butt creme massage thread because if not i am here to remind you of the NPR butt creme massage thread
posted by poffin boffin at 2:25 AM on November 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


I can't believe I made a Hootie and the Blowfish joke.


I might have to break up with myself.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:05 AM on November 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


[Looks like the original link is currently returning a "Page Not Found" error for some reason, so I've added a google cache link.]
posted by taz (staff) at 3:50 AM on November 23, 2014


Thank you taz
posted by 724A at 6:06 AM on November 23, 2014


I'm having entirely too much fun reading the aforementioned thread from 2012.

Good lord. I read that entire thread last night, half enjoying the schadenfreude and half in fear of finding a description of my younger self.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:55 AM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Humph, looks like I told the same garlic story in the Lord of the Rings thread. I'm definitely turning into an old man.
posted by octothorpe at 7:30 AM on November 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


People sneering at Combos is the same thing as insecure music nerds sneering at Hootie and the Blowfish. Hating Combos or Hootie and the Blowfish is a (somewhat arbitrarily chosen) social marker that proclaims "I am not one of the mouthbreathing plebes; I am a person of taste and sophistication".
posted by Splunge at 9:20 AM on November 23, 2014


I worked 3rd shift in a gas station when I was 20. Combos made up a large part of my diet. I have never eaten them since.
posted by desjardins at 9:31 AM on November 23, 2014


Combos are one of those things that are much worse than their concept leads you to expect. I like pretzels and I like cheese so about once every five years I'll pick Combos from a vending machine thinking "mmm, cheese and pretzels" and I'm always horribly disappointed.
posted by octothorpe at 9:38 AM on November 23, 2014


I think that's inherent to filled pretzels, though. Even the high-end, "gourmet" ones always wind up being dry and depressing, IME. (Hanover's, I'm looking at you and that pathetic little dry nugget of peanut butter rattling around inside the pretzel…)
posted by Lexica at 9:56 AM on November 23, 2014


What if I actually like (some kinds of) Combos but hate Hootie and the Blowfish?
posted by soundguy99 at 10:04 AM on November 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


What if I actually like (some kinds of) Combos but hate Hootie and the Blowfish?

Then you might be in the limbo between Tryhard Sophisticate and Tasteless Pleb. Do you own any Nickleback?
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 10:32 AM on November 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


(I haven't heard of combos OR Corn Nuts so there)

I'm calling bullshit on this, because that implies you haven't seen Heathers

and that means I have to go back and rewrite all my Whelk fanfic

which, OK, is probably a pretty good reason to break up with me.

posted by psoas at 10:33 AM on November 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


Do you own any Nickleback?

Lord, no, I'm not a masochist.
posted by soundguy99 at 10:57 AM on November 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


Wow, that explains a lot.
posted by desjardins at 11:44 AM on November 23, 2014


After an erotic screening of Gods and Generals

Wait, what?!
posted by kmz at 11:45 AM on November 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


I'm calling bullshit on this, because that implies you haven't seen Heathers

(I'm trying to remember a corn nut scene and failing. The pate is really killer.)
posted by The Whelk at 11:49 AM on November 23, 2014


Brandon Blatcher: Dump anyone who thinks you have a lot of books.

An unbelievable but true fact! Once my girlfriend said, "Why are you reading that?" It was a sign, for sure.
posted by sneebler at 11:51 AM on November 23, 2014


I'm trying to remember a corn nut scene and failing.

About 1:34.
posted by Lexica at 12:32 PM on November 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


(I swear I thought she was saying corn husks)
posted by The Whelk at 12:46 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


An ex-girlfriend of mine told me she decided to break up with one of her high school boyfriends when they were playing basketball together and he "stuck his butt out weird" after grabbing a rebound.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:19 PM on November 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


I just wanted to type that once because, frankly, I don't see the opportunity arising ever again

I'm mostly worried that the knowledge that a bunch of marketing people one day gathered in a meeting room and decided that "Boopers" should henceforth be known as "Bingles" pushed something important out of my brain.
posted by effbot at 3:26 PM on November 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


I never heard of Combos. Didn't have any idea what they were. Just looked them up. They sound amazing. I can't believe people here are actually complaining about DELICIOUS AND INDULGENT BAKED PEPPERONI PIZZA PRETZEL NUGGET THINGS IN A HANDY SNACK SIZE. You all suck.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:19 PM on November 23, 2014 [3 favorites]



People sneering at Combos is the same thing as insecure music nerds sneering at Hootie and the Blowfish. Hating Combos or Hootie and the Blowfish is a (somewhat arbitrarily chosen) social marker that proclaims "I am not one of the mouthbreathing plebes; I am a person of taste and sophistication".



Whoa there.


People have perfectly cromulent and sound reasons for disliking those things that have little to do with class markers.


There is nothing arbitrary about my dislike for either of them.

I don't like Combos all the way through. First of all, I can't with pretzels. It seems to be a texture issue, for the most, and the exterior shell of a Combo is egregiously offensive in this regard.

Then there is the filling. I am not averse to a proper dose of the processed cheese food, but not only does there seem to be a lot of salt in them, THERE IS SUGAR. When I consume cheese, even a False Cheese, I want it to taste a number of things. I want it to be creamy, a bit salty, perhaps a bit tangy, BUT. NOT. SWEET. NO. Especially not that... gross processed sweet nasty ugh ptui bleah.


And Hootie and the Blowfish, I just do not like their music.


Now, I don't hate anyone for liking those things. You can like them! It is OK! I mean, its not like I don't enjoy terrible horrible shit and fully own the fact that I like it even if it is garbage.

In fact, liking Combos wouldn't even be a dealbreaker, if you don't chew them with your mouth open like a goddamn wildebeest.

However. If you put on Hootie and the Blowfish as a soundtrack to doing the sex, then yeah, it would indicate a fundamental difference in aesthetics and understanding that likely is broader ranging than your mystifying affection for that particular band. I mean, I have worked at a Hootie and the Blowfish concert, and the while the people in attendance were reasonably pleasant, and I certainly didn't hate them, I didn't really get the sense I would have enough in common with them to have an extended conversation, much less form an intimate relationship.

And that is fine, too. I think that we all form opinions on what kind of relationships we have with people based on a wide range of small indicators. If we said all of them out loud, laid them out for examination,they probably would sound at least as petty and superficial as the reasons listed in the article. It doesn't mean you HATE people that do that something a certain way, or like a band or a food, but it might be one of many subtle and complex reasons that you feel you might not be compatible with someone as a romantic partner. Even if those reasons seem incredibly stupid, arbitrary, arcane, classist, whatever, they are your reasons, and you aren't obligated to love someone in spite of them.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:22 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


I never heard of Combos. Didn't have any idea what they were. Just looked them up. They sound amazing. I can't believe people here are actually complaining about DELICIOUS AND INDULGENT BAKED PEPPERONI PIZZA PRETZEL NUGGET THINGS IN A HANDY SNACK SIZE. You all suck.


Report back after you have eaten some, but be advised that you have been warned a number of times that the reality is a grotesque perversion of the fantasy.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:25 PM on November 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


I dare you to send me a couple boxes air freight. Hit me up in MeMail for my postal address here in Oz. We'll see who's laughing then.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:53 PM on November 23, 2014


Also I dare you to prove me wrong about Pappy Van Winkle's 23 year old bourbon. Don't forget to bubble wrap it k thnx.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:55 PM on November 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


I think a shrimp in a top hat would make an awesome tattoo.
I think that depends - shrimp with a top hat 1 or shrimp with a top hat 2.
posted by unliteral at 7:01 PM on November 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


I can't say for certain, but I have a niggling suspicion I was dumped once because I was the one who told him that the blue in bleu cheese is mold and doughnuts are deep-fried.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:18 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Australians eat vegemite, so they may actually like Combos (not that Combos taste anything like vegemite, but both things taste equally awful to me).
posted by desjardins at 8:11 PM on November 23, 2014


I am content to let the fantasy sustain you.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:11 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


omg they sound legit amazing even the bad ones
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:35 PM on November 23, 2014


desjardins, I've never seen or heard of an American who eats Vegemite correctly. Vegemite is like a game: there are rules. And you need to learn those rules and abide by them because it's not a game!
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:39 PM on November 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Do you have Easy Cheez there? Comes in a spray can? That's what the filling of Combos is, with different spice combinations.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:47 PM on November 23, 2014


Combos are pretzels afraid of being alone.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:49 PM on November 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


(And Lopez-Alt is right, they are perfect driving food for the reasons he says.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:56 PM on November 23, 2014


"she ran her beCombosd fingers THROUGH MY HAIR."

I choose to believe that this means that she had super skinny fingers, perhaps like an aye-aye, and that she stuck a combo on the end of each finger before running her hands through the dumper's hair. In much the same way that a normal human might stick a bugle on the end of each finger that can fit in a bugle, so as to have pointy fingers that smell vaguely like dog feet.

Now I want bugles. Or maybe I want to buy a bag of bugles and a bag of nacho-cheez combos and extract the cheezoid from the combos and pack it into the bugles.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:53 PM on November 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


Do you have Easy Cheez there?

Nothing's easy over here. Not even cheez.
posted by turbid dahlia at 10:53 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Someone who invites me over to watch The Mindy Project would not be getting a call back, either.

So the amusing thing about this is that my 60-something bf just discovered The Mindy Project and is a huge fan and if I wasn't already in love with him I'd be all, WTF? But honestly, who cares? The bf is a huge jazz connoisseur who tolerates my ignorance (and worse, dislike) of nearly all things jazz related so I am happy to ignore his terrible taste (which is to say, different taste) in TV as long as we can find common ground.

For example, he turned me on to UFO and I turned him on to Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries (such wish fulfilment, a 20s Australian flapper private detective with a lesbian best friend, a Chinese lover, and a scandalous past as a nude model), so there will be no breaking up over The Mindy Project.

Or anything else, if I can help it. You can easily stop dating people over stupid stuff that doesn't really matter, but breaking up with someone you love over bad TV or music? That way lies madness.
posted by Bella Donna at 11:40 PM on November 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Ok ok, have sex in the library. Just keep it quiet. So no combos.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:50 AM on November 24, 2014


EXISTENZ IS PAUSED: "Control-F for "She smelled like soup "; was not disappointed."

Yes, LA COSA NOSTRA.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:38 AM on November 24, 2014


Ok ok, have sex in the library. Just keep it quiet. So no combos.

Please, do not have sex in the library. You're just making someone else clean up after you.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:41 AM on November 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


A lot of these depend on the situation. It's shallow for most people to dump somebody because they've never heard of The Wire, but, like, what if you work for HBO? Wouldn't you want to be with someone who had some level of awareness of what you do for a living? Then again, that wouldn't be "I dumped him because he had bad taste in TV", it would be "I dumped him because he didn't care about me at all."

The Shrimp In A Top Hat tattoo guy dodged a bullet, though.
posted by Sara C. at 6:44 AM on November 24, 2014


I don't necessarily think you're a bad person for liking Olive Garden, but I do think you're a bad match for me.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:23 AM on November 24, 2014


> (I swear I thought she was saying corn husks)

But it was already set up earlier...the scene in the gas station on the way to the party, where Heather barks orders at Veronica to get her some corn nuts. "Plain or BQ?" "BQ!"

Sheesh it's like you're not even paying attention.
posted by desuetude at 8:55 AM on November 24, 2014 [5 favorites]


Until the descriptions of combos came up in the thread, I was definitely thinking they were talking about bugles. It's a different kind of greasy/gross than combos, but still not a fun thing to have run through your hair.

And bugles filled with Easy Cheese (I actually didn't realize it was fully spelled out on the aerosol can) is surprisingly tasty.
posted by This Guy at 10:54 AM on November 24, 2014


While some of these seem more shallow than others, I think they're mostly just a shorthand for realizing you don't want to keep dating someone. You don't have to have a reason to just not want to date someone anymore.

I once dumped someone for not attempting their dream of doing art. Mostly because he talked on end about the awesome comics he was going to make, just on and on, and critiquing professional ones and all. And then I found out he didn't draw at all, but was sure that when he did, it would be fabulous. (Not even that he was planning to write the dialogue or anything, he thought he would draw someday.) The final straw was when he criticized the art of the comics I'd drawn on a lark (and published in the school newspaper). You have to at least try!
posted by Margalo Epps at 11:28 AM on November 24, 2014


desjardins, I've never seen or heard of an American who eats Vegemite correctly. Vegemite is like a game: there are rules. And you need to learn those rules and abide by them because it's not a game!

An Australian bloke actually wrote out Vegemite rules for me once. They went something like this:
  1. Start out with a slice of heavily buttered toast and just wave a knife briefly dipped in Vegemite over it.
  2. Next time, let the knife briefly, gently, make contact with the butter.
  3. Next time, let the knife contact the butter across half the slice.
  4. Next time, let the knife contact the butter across more than half the slice.
  5. Next time, let the knife contact the butter across the entire slice.
  6. With each consecutive slice, increase the oressure of the knife while simultaneously decreasing the amount of butter.
  7. Once you;ve got the butter back down to your usual level, start increasing the amount of Vegemite on the knife.
  8. If at any point you start to feel a distaste for the Vegemite, go back a step.
I did develop a taste for it, even though I haven't heard from him in years. And last I knew, he was still wild about Kool-Aid.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:07 PM on November 24, 2014 [9 favorites]


After 4 great months, I introduced him to my best friend. At dinner he casually busted out with "I just don't like seeing white girls dating black dudes, you know?"

God, this totally reminded me of the Latin dude I dated who was seriously startled when I, a white guy, said something about having dated someone who was black; he quickly replied, "I could never date a black or Asian dude" and I think might have even added another descriptor just in case. O-V-E-R.
posted by psoas at 12:57 PM on November 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


prize bull octorok: EVERY MEFI THREAD WHERE OLIVE GARDEN GETS MENTIONED:
...
10. Meetup at Olive Garden?


11. Why the hell did we do that? Were we that desperate for endless breadsticks and salad? Isn't there a great Italian restaurant down the block?

(Also known as the Twinkie Syndrome,* in which you eat a Twinkie, regret the action, wait 2-4 years, vaguely recall that Twinkies are delicious and when was the last time you had one, so you go eat one and think "why the hell did I do that?" Wait 2-4 years and repeat.)

* Not to be confused with the Twinkie defense


And do those 10 steps remind anyone else of the 5 steps of grieving and loss?
  1. Denial and Isolation
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance
Coincidence? I think not.)
posted by filthy light thief at 1:54 PM on November 24, 2014


Since I posted this originally, I think I should add the latest. 17 Suppers that spelled the end of a relationship.
posted by 724A at 2:23 PM on November 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


Okay, I thought of a shallower one. I once broke up with someone because I was going home for summer vacation. I didn't want to be long distance, but my ulterior motive was that I was interested in getting back with someone in my home town. And as shallow as those reasons were, I think the decision was the right one because when I was back at school in the fall, I had no interest in getting back together with the dumpee -- I just hadn't been that into him and my shallow reason was a way of finding that out.
posted by Margalo Epps at 10:05 PM on November 24, 2014


Since I posted this originally, I think I should add the latest. 17 Suppers that spelled the end of a relationship.

Dad told Mom he wanted a divorce in a greasy spoon diner, where she later ended up working.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:14 AM on November 25, 2014


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