The Truly Final Countdown
December 4, 2014 3:54 AM   Subscribe

Britain's Co-Operative Funeralcare keeps records of their clients' requests and occasionally reports on “what's popular” at UK funerals. And their latest survey of “most requested music” (based on over 30,000 funerals) has a few surprises, starting with the song at #1: Eric Idle/Monty Python's “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”, beating out Psalm 23 and “Abide With Me”. Also in the top ten: Frank Sinatra's “My Way” (although it may include the Elvis and Sid Vicious versions) and the theme from “Match of the Day”. There are also breakdowns by musical genre/style including Hymns, Classical, Film/TV, Sports and 'Humor', a category that includes the Python song as well as “Another One Bites the Dust” and “Don't Worry Be Happy”.

They have also reported on requests for specialized hearses, some of which they are making available, from a Gold Cadillac to a mobile Buddhist Temple to a Motorcycle Sidecar. But they're still working on such frequently requested vehicles as the Hogwarts Express, the Doctor's Tardis, the Millennium Falcon and the Trojan Rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It always comes back to Monty Python.
posted by oneswellfoop (47 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
I am not so sure that "Always Look On The Bright Side" and "My Way" can be categorised as surprises - are they not more cliches at this stage? Maybe I've just passed too many pubs holding wakes. There's a certain tongue-in-cheek British attitude that endures even after death.
posted by kariebookish at 4:03 AM on December 4, 2014


I'm surprised that Robbie Williams' “Angels” (described by a younger, more scathing Charlie Brooker as the official theme tune of thick people's funerals) isn't on that list.
posted by acb at 4:05 AM on December 4, 2014 [3 favorites]


My favorite funeral song request came from my cousin, who had a lot of health problems in her early twenties but has thankfully recovered, who asked that the final song at her funeral would be If You Don't Know Me by Now.
posted by Kattullus at 4:07 AM on December 4, 2014 [25 favorites]


Drag Racer by the Doug Wood Band is conspicuously absent from the Sport section.

As is the theme from Junior Kickstart.
posted by ZipRibbons at 4:20 AM on December 4, 2014


Robbie Williams' “Angels” is also in the top 10 list in the first link... I was focusing on the choices more likely to surprise non-Anglophiles.

"Match of the Day"? That's like playing "Are You Ready for Some Football?" at an American funeral (okay, maybe in certain NFL cities...)
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:25 AM on December 4, 2014


When my wife and I were thinking of music to play at her father's (Scottish, Humanist) funeral, I suggested The Proclaimers - I'm On My Way, which went down quite well. The old boy would have appreciated a little sick humour... probably.
posted by alan2001 at 4:27 AM on December 4, 2014 [6 favorites]


Anyone familiar with the British people and British humour should not be in the least surprised at 'Bright Side Of Life' being up there.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 4:34 AM on December 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


"Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" is my requested tune on this side of the pond. My mother has requested Blake Shelton's "Holes in the Floor of Heaven". Part of me is thinking about requesting something from Motorhead as well, just to mess with folks.
posted by dances with hamsters at 4:39 AM on December 4, 2014 [3 favorites]


If you're going in that direction, may I recommend Krautrock by Faust. All of it.
posted by Grangousier at 4:52 AM on December 4, 2014 [5 favorites]


I've always thought Tom Waits' "Anywhere I lay my head" would be a good choice, especially when it breaks into that New Orleans parade/wake music near the end. Barring that, this little snippet from "Cowboy Bebop" would be nice too.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 4:54 AM on December 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


The self-aggrandising, self-indulgent part of me would appreciate them playing something by the Cocteau Twins, or Ascent: An Ending even if, in reality, they play There'll Be A Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight.
posted by Grangousier at 4:55 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


For my wake, I wish for my mourners to travel to a pub I have never visited before. Their faces lacking both mirth and sorrow, they will stand around the bar staring straight ahead. They may sip ale but not lager and only in synchronized time. After the tenth sip, a figure in a robe carrying a lamp on a chain on a staff will enter the bar. The figure will lay down three eagle feathers on the bartop and announce that "The trade has been made. Hail, hail." The mourners will repeat "Hail, hail" as they turn to the West and raise their glasses.

My widow will call, "And the deal!"

"Struck!" the robed figure will exclaim, slamming three golden coins on the bartop.

"Hail, Hail!" the mourners will say as they turn East to raise their glasses.

Pints drained, the assembled will begin to sing O Fortuna as they file out the door. Each one will place a small willow branch on the table nearest the exit. The wake completed, they will fade into the night, leaving only my widow to dance with robed figure who will giver her its crown.

So you can imagine how miffed I was to see my plan as #5 on the list.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:56 AM on December 4, 2014 [50 favorites]


It's written into instruction for one of The Jam's more well-known songs to be played at my funeral.
posted by Wordshore at 4:58 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


I don't see Pop Goes The Weasel on there.
posted by StickyCarpet at 5:11 AM on December 4, 2014 [3 favorites]


Viking burial down the local river, with Prodigy Firestarter pumping out from the 4 meter stacks located on the conveniently moored-up barge/dance floor
posted by fatfrank at 5:16 AM on December 4, 2014 [4 favorites]


No "Wind Beneath My Wings". I knew you people were the best people.
posted by middleclasstool at 5:17 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


No funereal song for me. Just the simple shrieking of "OOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!" as the flaming arrows strike my longboat as is slowly drifts from the shore toward Valhalla.
posted by briank at 5:21 AM on December 4, 2014 [4 favorites]


"Match of the Day"? That's like playing "Are You Ready for Some Football?" at an American funeral

More than likely it was the Hockey Night in Canada theme song being played at a funeral parlour somewhere in Edmonton....
posted by PenDevil at 5:21 AM on December 4, 2014


For me it has always been Blood Sweat and Tears' rendition of Laura Nyro "And When I Die". That said, a few months ago I was at the funeral of a young coworker who had (unbeknownst to me) been an aspiring musician; his coffin was carried out to the sounds of one of his own compositions.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:26 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


Here's mine.
posted by PenDevil at 5:32 AM on December 4, 2014


We buried a friend of mine just over a year ago in a humanist service. The music was the Hyrule Symphony, Blind Guardian's Nightfall, and her coffin was carried in to the sound of the Kerbal Space Program theme. She went far too soon, and service was both beautiful and heart-wrenching. I haven't been able to boot up KSP since without tearing up.
posted by Dysk at 5:48 AM on December 4, 2014 [5 favorites]


More than likely it was the Hockey Night in Canada yt theme song being played at a funeral parlour somewhere in Edmonton....

Is that before or after Turn Me Loose by Loverboy?
posted by srboisvert at 5:59 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


My list changes all the time, but currently I'm favoring the love theme from "Orca".
posted by Chitownfats at 6:00 AM on December 4, 2014


Each mourner will be handed an Aztec death wheestle as they enter, and the ceremony will consist of one hour of the shrieking of the damned.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 6:02 AM on December 4, 2014 [5 favorites]


Such elaborate preparations! I want to go with something simple, such as my eulogy given by someone that none of the mourners have never seen before, and who gives a plain, heartfelt recounting of my various quirks and obsessions and small kindnesses performed for the benefit of strangers, in between graphic descriptions of hit jobs that I'd done on various mobsters and obscure yet powerful officials all over the world.

And he goes out with the only version of "My Way" that matters.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:08 AM on December 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


I just decided this now: "I'll Fly Away" and "When the Roll is Called Up Yonder."
posted by Melismata at 6:10 AM on December 4, 2014


and the theme from “Match of the Day”

Never change, my friends across the ocean, never change.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:12 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


Although what I really want is for my body to be stuffed into a plastic garbage bag and left in a ditch beside a highway, if I have to have a formal memorial service, Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" performed by a kazoo orchestra would be a pretty good send-off.
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:15 AM on December 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd made a pact to play the Ventures' The 2,000 Pound Bee when one of them died, which Ackroyd subsequently honored.

As for my own funeral, I want to start with It's Okay To Die, a fine song by John Palumbo.

Then this will be reenacted.
posted by delfin at 6:16 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


I vacillate between "Come On Up to House" or "Take It With Me" by Tom Waits for my funeral constantly. Maybe just play Rain Dogs the entire service?
posted by Kitteh at 6:28 AM on December 4, 2014 [3 favorites]


a few months ago I was at the funeral of a young coworker who had (unbeknownst to me) been an aspiring musician; his coffin was carried out to the sounds of one of his own compositions.

People my age haven't started dropping quickly yet, but the last one I went to was a musician (suicide) and his songs were not only the music played, but a live band performed them and his teenage daughter sang lead on one.

A great and moving funeral, but I wouldn't have minded waiting another 50 years or so to have it.
posted by emjaybee at 7:05 AM on December 4, 2014 [5 favorites]


The Flaming Lips' Feeling Yourself Disintegrate, no question about it. Most honest song about death ever written.

you can't steal this, if you do, I will find you and make sure they play My Heart Will Go On at your funeral
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:09 AM on December 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


I think it was Stewart Lee who said, being of a certain age, he'd have 'Atmosphere' "... followed by the Russ Abbott version obviously"

(Personally I'd be serious for once and go with Miserere Mei Deus (Allegri))
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:28 AM on December 4, 2014 [2 favorites]


I want the ghostbusters theme and all mourners must wear pumpkin masks and black leotards. Dancing required.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:32 AM on December 4, 2014 [9 favorites]


My mom once told me she wanted to be cremated and scattered at sea to the tune of "Octopus's Garden" by the Beatles. I thought that was awesome.
posted by ikahime at 7:49 AM on December 4, 2014 [3 favorites]


I've contemplated putting together a list of preferred songs as well as recordings of myself introducing them, so I can do some post-mortem DJing at my funeral.
posted by NMcCoy at 7:56 AM on December 4, 2014 [4 favorites]


Motorhead's Killed by Death will be played at my funeral.
posted by chillmost at 8:22 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


I've requested Lionel Ritchie's "Dancing on the Ceiling".
posted by the quidnunc kid at 8:26 AM on December 4, 2014


Since none of us will be driving the bus at our own ceremonies, let me just say that my wish would be to have Mozart's Requiem in D minor performed, in full, by a live orchestra and choir.

That should shut them up about the fact that I was an atheist my entire adult life.
posted by pjern at 8:35 AM on December 4, 2014


The baby boomer funerals in my family have often used "Spirit in the Sky" and feel like I've read that it's pretty popular for funerals - I was surprised not to see that on the list (but that may be more of a US trend).

When my hippie uncle died in his 40s, my cousin arranged to have "Wish You Were Here" at the end of the funeral and it sent everyone back into hysterical tears.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 9:09 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


Spinning Away, Cale & Eno.
posted by benito.strauss at 9:24 AM on December 4, 2014


Nobody else wants I Shall be Released?
posted by cookie-k at 9:39 AM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


At my brother-out-law's funeral they played Farewell Aunty Jack. He would have appreciated it.
posted by andraste at 1:29 PM on December 4, 2014


Ever since hearing it at a rather young age, I've leaned toward Peggy Lee's "Is That All There Is?", but since I committed myself to being cremated, I'm thinking about David Bowie's Ashes To Ashes AND using that big Caterpillar Loader in the video as the hearse...
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:07 PM on December 4, 2014


I'm having Oh Yeah by Yello.
posted by bifter at 3:01 PM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


Before I was a mature adult, I wanted a pyramid. No seriously.

Now that I've grown up, I've decided funerals are for the living. Given that I'll be dead, whatever will help any that might mourn is fine with me. Topless dancers with golden wings or shoot me out of a canon for all I care. Just burn me to ashes at the end so that the dogs can't eat me.
posted by ob1quixote at 6:16 PM on December 4, 2014


Arlo Guthrie's "Precious Friend You Will Be There" would be a great funeral song. It's tender and at the same time so cheerful! I'd want people dancing in the aisles.
posted by orrnyereg at 9:11 PM on December 4, 2014


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