Hillary, Voldemort 2016! You know it makes sense!
December 4, 2014 6:10 PM   Subscribe

It is definitely not US election season, which means only one thing - Unauthorised superPAC ads for Hillary Clinton 2016!!! (Are you excited? I am excited!) Leading off this year - StandWithHillary - a SuperPAC targeting white men in rural swing states. But can it beat 2008's "as seen on metafilter" classic Hillary4U&Me

But lest you think this is all a bad joke, the washington post reports that there are more than a dozen Clinton-specific super PACs registered with the FEC and gearing up for campaign season 2016, even though the big HC has given no indication as to wether she might run for the position. One PAC is already suggesting her campaign may cost as much as $1.7 billion dollars. Taken together they provide a unique insight into the world of the presidential hype candidate.
posted by Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory (35 comments total)
 
Can Hillary beat Rick Perry? Who knows. Word on the street is that Rick Perry's slogan will be "Rick Perry for America in 2016: Because 8 years without an idiot from Texas in the White House is too long!" He's got his Smart Glasses and he's ready to roll.
posted by Daddy-O at 6:23 PM on December 4, 2014


I am so excited for the new, Election Media Officers of every stripe, revving up their spingines. This one like Hillary running is a bad thing. As long as I never have to see Romney begging for the presidency again hoping to be seen in a leather bomber jacket and taken seriously, with that perpetual question in his eyes.
posted by Oyéah at 6:23 PM on December 4, 2014


Draco Malfoy 4 Senate
posted by dry white toast at 6:25 PM on December 4, 2014 [4 favorites]


I bought a pair of those smart glasses in a truckstop, for night driving. My daughter liked them, I have seen unsmart others affect these too, millenial bait. Perry needs a better wig, and something bigger to hold it on.
posted by Oyéah at 6:27 PM on December 4, 2014


Nothing will ever top "There's No One as Irish as Barack O'Bama"
posted by sallybrown at 6:28 PM on December 4, 2014 [6 favorites]


Meh, it's no Republicans for Voldemort. (From this.)
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:30 PM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


WEASLEY OR BLOOD!
posted by clavdivs at 6:39 PM on December 4, 2014


Oh god too soon.
posted by ODiV at 6:49 PM on December 4, 2014 [3 favorites]


please drip acid in my ear until i die tia
posted by boo_radley at 6:59 PM on December 4, 2014 [7 favorites]


That's not real, is it? I truly cannot tell. Please let it be satire, I want to vote for her and too much of this nonsense and I'll have to write in Ralph Nader just so I can live with myself.
posted by eggkeeper at 7:04 PM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


Interestingly (as in "may you live in interesting times" interesting), FiveThirtyEight surmises that Clinton is not the electoral juggernaut she was several years ago, and now instead showing net-negative popularity in some polls even among registered (vs. likely) voters. She trails Romney and ties Christie in head-to-heads (again, among registered voters), and her advantage against more hardline Republican candidates lies almost entirely in her stronger name recognition, which would evaporate in a presidential campaign.

(Now, consider that a strong 2016 Democratic presidential campaign is basically the only thing standing between the GOP and total control of all levels of government -- a party dangerously hungry for the White House after back-to-back Obama victories. Consider how much of the Democratic advantage in 2008 and 2012 was built upon Obama's inspirational persona and/or cult-of-personality and how all his potential successors come up woefully short in that department. Consider how Gamergate and RedPill/MRAs and various other neoreactionary bullshitters have primed the pump for a fresh tide of angry antifeminism just in time for 2016. The upcoming cycle is going to be such a goddamn slog.)
posted by Rhaomi at 7:15 PM on December 4, 2014 [6 favorites]


Now, consider that a strong 2016 Democratic presidential campaign is basically the only thing standing between the GOP and total control of all levels of government

I'm praying an asteroid the size of Rhode Island smacks into us and just gives us a merciful death. (Yeah, definitely need to buy a lightbox.)
posted by entropicamericana at 7:22 PM on December 4, 2014 [7 favorites]


If she can bring back her husband's long nightmare of peace and prosperity back, I'd be all for it.

Can't wait for Romney's third run, let me give you a preview: Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Ebola Benghazi Repeal and Replace Benghazi Corporations Are Still People Benghazi
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 7:35 PM on December 4, 2014


That only sounds like 47% of his campaign.

(also, if he runs: "Binders full of minorities." You heard it predicted here first.)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:37 PM on December 4, 2014 [3 favorites]


I wonder if her 2016 campaign will feature the racebaiting of her 2008 primary run.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:44 PM on December 4, 2014


She wants even more perpetual warfare. Perhaps a land expedition to Syria?
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 7:53 PM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


I kept waiting to be sold a pickup truck that was built Texas tough.
posted by birdherder at 8:06 PM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


She trails Romney

I don't know what's worse, that the Republicans still can't dredge up anyone more appealing than Romney, or that the Democrats might not be able to, either.
posted by murphy slaw at 8:08 PM on December 4, 2014 [6 favorites]


Please please, let's skip ahead to the debates between two candidates each trying to prove how much more than the other that they want to start a shooting war with Russia and/or Iran! McCain can make a special appearance with his #1 hit single "Bombbombbomb Iran".

Oh, and Wall Street is only slightly less ecstatic over the nascent Hilary campaign as they were over Romney 2012, they're cut from the same 1% cloth after all.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:26 PM on December 4, 2014


Interestingly (as in "may you live in interesting times" interesting), FiveThirtyEight surmises that Clinton is not the electoral juggernaut she was several years ago

The electoral fear machine is already hard at work, I see.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 8:43 PM on December 4, 2014


I'm voting Granger/Lovegood in 2016 due to their strong anti-wrackspurt policy. Lumos * Labore * Veritas
posted by Wretch729 at 8:46 PM on December 4, 2014 [5 favorites]


Great moments in American political history include the Lincoln-Douglas Debates and the 1.7-Billion-Dollar Presidential Price Tag.
posted by fredludd at 9:19 PM on December 4, 2014 [1 favorite]


It's all so damned depressing.
posted by evilDoug at 9:25 PM on December 4, 2014


The "Stand with Hillary" youtube has been getting a lot of horselaughs on the right: Ace of Spades, National Journal
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 9:32 PM on December 4, 2014


Jesus, that 538 article makes a mountain out of a molehill. It's basically looking at a bunch of meaningless indicators. The head-to-head matchup stuff is always mainly a name recognition test this far out, it has no predictive value at all. That Clinton's YouGov favorability ratings have dropped precipitously in the two years since she left her job and dropped out of the news (excepting Presidential speculation) seems to be a more of an indictment of the YouGov ratings than of Clinton.

People vastly overestimate the importance of personalities in Presidential elections. Clinton would have easily won in 2008 against McCain. Edwards might not have, but he's an extreme case. 2016 will probably be much tougher than 2008, but who knows.
posted by leopard at 9:35 PM on December 4, 2014


I just hope Kodos runs again.
posted by drezdn at 9:44 PM on December 4, 2014 [4 favorites]




Draft Elizabeth Warren.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:18 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]


Draft Elizabeth Warren

I'm pretty far to the left of Warren. She gets her "leftist" credentials by being honest about how wall street works and how destructive that is for both regular people and the economy as a whole. she wants the system to work, not build a better one. But, basically. she seems like an honest decent person.

the question is: why would you wish the presidency on an honest, decent person? it would be so much worse to watch a reboot of 'I, Claudius' as reality TV.
posted by ennui.bz at 3:33 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]


The only actual non-weasel as far as I can tell. Such a pity about those unelectable eyebrows.
posted by flabdablet at 5:29 AM on December 5, 2014


Being a retread with strong negatives behind him didn't keep Mondale, Dole, or McCain from getting their nominations. It won't stop Hillary either. What will stop her is a candidate who can raise a million dollars a day from rich socialites and $25 online contributions next year, and who in 2016 has another demographic angle to take into the primaries and caucus to counter Clinton's claim on women's vote (or who is a woman herself). Obama had both of those. Does anyone else, who is willing to start up a campaign in the next week, now? I'm not sure.

As for the general election, last month's results should make Hillary Clinton feel very good. Republican results in their target states simply didn't indicate any likelihood that they'll get the votes they need to take the White House with heavier Presidential turnout unless their message becomes much more compelling or something terrible happens to the economy.
posted by MattD at 6:14 AM on December 5, 2014


The President isn't a dictator with absolute power. You can put a saint in the White House and that person still needs to make deals with a bunch of corrupt assholes to get things done.
posted by leopard at 8:47 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]


It's not her "turn". If Hillary Clinton wants it, she better fight tooth and nail and earn it. Don't be a dumbfuck like Martha Coakley when she got her ass kicked by that male nude model.
posted by Renoroc at 10:36 AM on December 5, 2014


The President isn't a dictator with absolute power. You can put a saint in the White House and that person still needs to make deals with a bunch of corrupt assholes to get things done.

The problem is a Republican President would be coming in with his set of corrupt assholes already in place. If the Democrats lose the Presidency in 2016, the absolute best we could hope for is the Democrats retaking the Senate, but it seems unlikely that if they can't win the Presidency that they'd get the Senate back, so you'd end up with the Republicans holding all of the cards.

If that happens, invest in the newly reborn indentured servitude industry; it'll be a real growth market.
posted by Sangermaine at 12:58 PM on December 5, 2014


Chocolate Pickle: "The "Stand with Hillary" youtube has been getting a lot of horselaughs on the right: Ace of Spades, National Journal"

What the hell is "ace.mu.nu"
posted by boo_radley at 12:59 PM on December 5, 2014


« Older Useless Toilet Paper Machine   |   JokeFilter Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments