England, England
December 10, 2014 4:41 PM   Subscribe

BBC Land "Popular BBC shows such as Doctor Who, Sherlock and Top Gear could be turned into theme-park attractions as part of a development deal involving the Hollywood studio behind Mission Impossible and Star Trek." posted by betweenthebars (108 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
I, Claudius.
posted by doubtfulpalace at 4:47 PM on December 10, 2014 [32 favorites]


My TV habits have gotten increasingly Anglophile over the years and I still think this is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:47 PM on December 10, 2014 [11 favorites]


Or perhaps Survivors.
posted by doubtfulpalace at 4:48 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Although god bless the British dark humor - someone in the "what rides would you want to see" comments has suggested "a kids' ride, maybe something based on Jim'll Fix It".

look it up
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:49 PM on December 10, 2014 [18 favorites]


Heh. Nice title reference - his 2nd best book IMHO.

Anyway, if it's not on the Isle of Wight with the king and queen waving at you, I would like to have a ride based on Would You Lie to Me, wherein I could go by on a train and watch David Mitchell in his kitchen, worrying about death.
posted by barchan at 4:58 PM on December 10, 2014 [6 favorites]


Oh, that's terrible!

Almost worse than my thought having that killer roller coaster be put in a Doctor Who park as some sort of Dalek-themed ride.
posted by droplet at 4:58 PM on December 10, 2014


I'm looking forward to the Moffat Coaster even though it will have too many twists and will leave me angry.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:58 PM on December 10, 2014 [31 favorites]


Arrested Development did this already in season 3. It was called Wee Britain.
posted by otto42 at 5:01 PM on December 10, 2014 [14 favorites]


It won't be real unless it contains this particular fairground ride, complete with the trippy music, interesting tobacco to be purchased nearby. Oh, and sugar lumps.
posted by Wordshore at 5:04 PM on December 10, 2014


:-(
posted by Artw at 5:05 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Call the Midwife Super Splashy Natal Flume Ride.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:07 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]


I don't know about you, but I'm not getting on the Richard Hammond ride.
posted by leotrotsky at 5:08 PM on December 10, 2014 [10 favorites]


Welcome to The Gordon Ramsey Experience YOU WORTHLESS GOBS OF SHITE.
posted by GuyZero at 5:10 PM on December 10, 2014 [12 favorites]


The Call the Midwife Super Splashy Natal Flume Ride.

SHUT UP VANESSA REDGRAVE
posted by GuyZero at 5:11 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Black Books wading pool and Barbeque. Father Ted historic Library. Fawlty Tower drop. Blackadder's Trench Maze, now with 50% more Mustard Gas!
posted by endotoxin at 5:17 PM on December 10, 2014 [4 favorites]


The "Threads: Your Childhood Is Ruined" slow cart to starving misery.
posted by lumpenprole at 5:21 PM on December 10, 2014 [14 favorites]


A Newsnight themed haunted house: the ghoulish figures of Peter Snow and Jeremy Paxman loom at you out of the dark, a swingometer creaks ominously, and then when you think it's all over Tom Paulin appears to explain on how many levels you should have been terrified if only you weren't a feckin' idiot.
posted by sobarel at 5:22 PM on December 10, 2014 [6 favorites]


Black Books wading pool and Barbeque. Father Ted historic Library. Fawlty Tower drop. Blackadder's Trench Maze, now with 50% more Mustard Gas!

In England, these aren't BBC programmes. BBC America must be weird weird place where they show Father Ted.
posted by Thing at 5:22 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


I dunno, a Dalek-themed teacup or tilt-a-whirl ride sounds awfully fun.
posted by sexyrobot at 5:27 PM on December 10, 2014


so basically it's just a permanent version of the London Olympics opening ceremony?
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:29 PM on December 10, 2014 [8 favorites]


The Queen's Christmas Message Scream Machine
The Downton Abbey "Most Dangerous Game" Outdoor Safari Park
Benny Hill's Sexual Harassment Teacups
The Royal Shakespeare Company Presents: King Lear Miniature Golf
posted by PlusDistance at 5:29 PM on December 10, 2014 [4 favorites]


One year Range Rover set up a little course at the Rolex Three Day Event which is one of the biggest spectator events in the country and almost exclusively horse people and former pony club types. It gave prospective owners the opportunity to take a Range Rover under over or through all manner of off road type obstacles. It was located in the VIP area, which probably sounded good on paper. The VIP area is in fact open to almost anyone with several hundred dollars so thousands of people and, for many years, featured a well supplied unlimited open bar. I wasn't there but I heard people were taking their free drinks on the test drives 4 and 5 at a time. I sort of imagine this is what this theme park would be like.
posted by fshgrl at 5:30 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Brideshead Revisited.

The original, natch.
posted by allthinky at 5:30 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


Its really a trap for pretentious Anglophiles to resettle them away from Real Americans. Internees can live out their lives eating spotted dick, talking like Dickensian street urchins, and fawning over soccer without bothering the rest of America.
posted by dr_dank at 5:30 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


Some say that the BBC executive heading this project knows only two facts about theme parks - both of them wrong - and that he's confused by roller coasters. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:31 PM on December 10, 2014 [14 favorites]


fawning over soccer

Can I buy one way tickets for the guys in college who did a semester of study abroad in the UK and ever after would correct anyone who used the word soccer?
posted by Dip Flash at 5:34 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


And no trip would be complete without a spin on The Rimmer Experience: a place of wonder, excitement, and... wonder.
posted by Spatch at 5:35 PM on December 10, 2014 [9 favorites]


In The Loop-de-Loop rollercoaster.
posted by hellojed at 5:35 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Vyvyan Basterd's University Challenge Showdown
or
Neil Pye's Heavy Heavy Heavy Lentil Patch
posted by delfin at 5:37 PM on December 10, 2014 [14 favorites]


I actually like the idea of this theme park. It exploits the popularity of UK cultural exports, but keeps it all in one place rather than tweeing up the whole of the country for tourists.

Its really a trap for pretentious Anglophiles to resettle them away from Real Americans. Internees can live out their lives eating spotting dick, talking like Dickensian street urchins, and fawning over soccer without bothering the rest of America.

Noooo. We don't want them either. I doubt they could adapt to the reality. We would have to keep them in a Truman Show-like false reality forever lest they find out the awful truth.
posted by Thing at 5:38 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


The 'Thick of It' ride would consist of you cowering in a chair while hologram Peter Capaldi hurls abuse at you.
posted by orrnyereg at 5:40 PM on December 10, 2014 [11 favorites]


Sorry, should have said "whilst" instead of "while".
posted by orrnyereg at 5:41 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


The Moral Maze, perhaps?
posted by Flashman at 5:42 PM on December 10, 2014


The 'Thick of It' ride would consist of you cowering in a chair while hologram Peter Capaldi hurls abuse at you.

OK I thought this was a terrible idea but you just won me over.
posted by junco at 5:43 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]


Then you get interviewed by Hologram Alan Partridge.
posted by junco at 5:43 PM on December 10, 2014


A daily chat with Graham Norton followed by shopping at a 19th Century Selfridge's?

A clone lab and thrill ride inspired by Orphan Black? (I have no idea what channel that's on in the UK but over here it's BBC America.
posted by fiercekitten at 5:46 PM on December 10, 2014


I've always been surprised more entertainment companies don't try this. How is there not a Nintendo theme park yet? It would be a massive cash machine.
posted by imabanana at 5:48 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


I don't know about you, but I'm not getting on the Richard Hammond ride.

You are a terrible person. Well done.
posted by Artw at 5:56 PM on December 10, 2014 [7 favorites]


The Prime Suspect panopticon?

The Dr Who running in corradors haunted house?

Dowton Abby upper class twit shooting range?

Monty Python's abuse/argument/being hit over the head experence?

David Attenborough's 'indeed' nature walk?

Black Books' drunken misery gift shop?

IT Crowd's nerdtorium?

Endeavor incepant burnout?

The Foyal's War sepia toned antique bumper cars?

.
.
.
posted by edgeways at 6:00 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Bletchly Circle Carousel.

I love those women.
posted by Chitownfats at 6:00 PM on December 10, 2014


dudes we could REMAIN INDOORS and play numberwang
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:13 PM on December 10, 2014 [9 favorites]


The Magic Roundabout... Roundabout? ok I got nothin
posted by Spatch at 6:13 PM on December 10, 2014


University Top Gear Challenge.
EastEnders versus the Daleks.
I, Claudius, call upon the services of one Sherlock Holmes.
Antiques Roadshow of Little Britain.
Absolutely Fabulous Sunday Politics.
Doctor Who in the Dragon's Den.
MasterChef meets Mastermind: Mock the Weakest Link.
posted by sfenders at 6:17 PM on December 10, 2014 [4 favorites]


The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin Rollercoaster
posted by Area Man at 6:19 PM on December 10, 2014 [5 favorites]


The Top Gear Thrill Ride: Ambitious, but rubbish.

Clearly, we need something a dark ride based on The Young Ones. It'll be like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, but louder. MUCH louder.
posted by eriko at 6:20 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Doc Martin's Indoor Bay Beach and Rural Surgery
posted by infinitewindow at 6:20 PM on December 10, 2014


In England, these aren't BBC programmes. BBC America must be weird weird place where they show Father Ted.

Yeah, from what I understand "BBC America" doesn't broadcast solely BBC programs, but rather more "British" programs in general. Although, now that STAR TREK NEXT GENERATION reruns are on heavy rotation on there, we're lucky to even get BRITISH shows.

Seriously, TNG but not QI? There is no justice.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:26 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]


CHARLIE BROOKER'S HALL OF BLACK MIRRORS

AND NEWS(WIPE)EUM
posted by gusandrews at 6:27 PM on December 10, 2014


also probably something Mongrels themed. don't bring the kids!
posted by gusandrews at 6:28 PM on December 10, 2014


So if they open up to non-BBC shows.... DARKPLACE DARKPLACE DARKPLACE
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:30 PM on December 10, 2014 [6 favorites]


Bungee jumping at Sperlonga.
posted by clavdivs at 6:31 PM on December 10, 2014


and wouldn't a ride that made you feel like Brass Eye be fun
posted by gusandrews at 6:31 PM on December 10, 2014


I'm down with it. They could call it the BBC World Service.
posted by JHarris at 6:32 PM on December 10, 2014


'Peep Show' Dog Park
posted by four panels at 6:43 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


NL YCN NCTC STR
posted by Wolfdog at 6:43 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Richard Curtisland?

(Yeah, OK, but Monkey Dust was a BBC programme...)
posted by Pinback at 7:00 PM on December 10, 2014


One of those lip sync/star-in-your-own-music-video places but with Simon Amstell making fun of you.
posted by book 'em dano at 7:02 PM on December 10, 2014


I'm envisioning spending a relaxing week or two in The Village.

"Be seeing you!"
posted by LastOfHisKind at 7:06 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]


Although, now that STAR TREK NEXT GENERATION reruns are on heavy rotation on there, we're lucky to even get BRITISH shows.

Yeah, lately BBC America seems to be the Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica channel. I guess because Patrick Stewart and Jamie Bamber are brits? I can't see any other connection.
posted by octothorpe at 7:09 PM on December 10, 2014


The Royle Family presents Ride the Wild Arse
posted by delfin at 7:18 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


There'll need to be a Royston Vasey gift shop, of course.

And for costumed characters that wander the park, I propose Sir Digby Chicken Caesar and his trusty sidekick, Ginger.

Not to mention a Numberwang game on the midway.

And a panto theater that alternately hosts Would I Lie to You?, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News For You, and QI the rest of the year.
posted by droplet at 7:23 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'm envisioning spending a relaxing week or two in The Village.

Tsk. It's called Portmeirion.
posted by Artw at 7:24 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]


You sir are no Welshman!
posted by clavdivs at 7:40 PM on December 10, 2014


I'm most looking forward to the food court!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:41 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


Jester Balowski's Medieval Torture Hour Experience!
posted by goshling at 7:47 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Also, the Hands-On "Help Deliver a Breech Calf" activity in the James Herriot Children's Petting Zoo.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:51 PM on December 10, 2014 [5 favorites]


Tricki-Woo's Got Flop-Bott Flume.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 8:05 PM on December 10, 2014 [5 favorites]


I have no idea how I got off the Reichenbach Falls ride, but everyone else seems to have one.
posted by greenland at 8:15 PM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


The St. Barts Free-Fall Drop
Nobody is allowed to see you land
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:22 PM on December 10, 2014 [4 favorites]


The Misfits Community Service Experience
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:14 PM on December 10, 2014


My idea of going to a British TV theme park is still visiting Castle Howard. When we lived in Yorkshire in the early 80s, every American who visited us wanted to see it in person. We finally had to get a VHS copy of the Brideshead miniseries and watch it so we understood why people were swooning in various rooms or at the fountain or whatever.
posted by immlass at 9:23 PM on December 10, 2014


Oh come now--surely you'd be willing to cough up a few sterlings at a crappy exchange rate for "The TARDIS Experience," a vast indoor maze you enter through a blue police box facade with a trick door mounted to the side of a warehouse painted up to look like background scenery?

(Well, I would anyway...)

posted by saulgoodman at 9:58 PM on December 10, 2014


I'm uncertain how well Top Gear's thinly veiled racism will translate to a theme park attraction, to be honest.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:46 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]


The Caustion Playhouse!

50£ and your jemmie done in without the re-curing role.
posted by clavdivs at 11:57 PM on December 10, 2014


The 'Thick of It' ride would consist of you cowering in a chair while hologram Peter Capaldi hurls abuse at you.

I would definitely pay good money for this experience.
posted by dialetheia at 12:04 AM on December 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


The Old Vic, complete with real beer, Dirty Den and Angie, occasional menacing looks from Nick Cotton.
posted by ambient2 at 1:00 AM on December 11, 2014


It's a Royal Knockout
posted by iotic at 2:57 AM on December 11, 2014


a permanent version of the London Olympics opening ceremony?

If only, then we'd get to keep the NHS.
posted by glasseyes at 2:57 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


"The TARDIS Experience," a vast indoor maze you enter through a blue police box facade with a trick door mounted to the side of a warehouse painted up to look like background scenery?

I've tried it. It's really unsatisfying. You wander around for most of an hour achieving nothing and then in the last minute a magical door marked EXIT appears, conveniently, wherever you are.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:08 AM on December 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


What rides would you like to see at the BBC theme park?

Magic Roundabout! Magic Roundabout!
posted by mattoxic at 3:43 AM on December 11, 2014


How about the newsnight experience?

You go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth in a car shaped like Paxman's head for an hour. Then you come out feeling slightly disorientated and unsatisfied.
posted by Ned G at 4:28 AM on December 11, 2014


I'm uncertain how well Top Gear's thinly veiled racism will translate to a theme park attraction, to be honest.

It'll be built to look like an American courthouse.

I don't know about you, but I'm not getting on the Richard Hammond ride.

You must not be this tall to ride this ride.
posted by dances with hamsters at 4:50 AM on December 11, 2014


My Lord, dear Tony,

I had the loveliest of times at Auntie Towers. I especially enjoyed the Points of View Barbican: the view is quite nice, much better than the Panorama Panorama. On a clear day you can see all the way to Walford Common! Such a wonderful surprise to discover that the insides were all made of ivory as well. Hiring Tim Vine to play the presenter was a particularly nice touch. Were I forced to complain, I'd say if anything the licence fee is too low.

Warm regards,

Delighted of Tunbridge Wells
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:57 AM on December 11, 2014


The Dr. Who "Blink" statue garden.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 4:59 AM on December 11, 2014 [7 favorites]


Gordon Ramsay head goes "rawr, you sodding cow" when you put a quarter in it, similar to the sabre tooth tiger at the denver museum. I know he's channel 4 material but we broke the BBC in America. How about Ali G psychedelic ride on the London to Egham bus
posted by aydeejones at 6:05 AM on December 11, 2014


The uneven political coverage wurlitzer.
posted by terretu at 6:26 AM on December 11, 2014


I've tried it. It's really unsatisfying. You wander around for most of an hour achieving nothing and then in the last minute a magical door marked EXIT appears, conveniently, wherever you are.

(That's actually just "The Steven Moffat TARDIS Experience"; no refunds or returns...)
posted by saulgoodman at 6:32 AM on December 11, 2014


Patsy and Edina's Hallucinogenic Wonderland
posted by Elly Vortex at 6:32 AM on December 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I got into Who with the reboot and 9, and it's hard to imagine now, but back then it was almost impossible to find something Who-related to spend your fan-bucks on. There were a few novelizations after a while, but no real merch. And then, somewhere between 10 and 11, they realized what a license to print money Who is. Have you been in a Barnes & Noble lately? God, there's so much licensed Who merchandise and books and toys now. Makes the completist collector in me twitch.

Kinda surprised there isn't much Sherlock merchandise yet. (At least, I haven't seen any here in the states.)
posted by jbickers at 6:44 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Hold on. You mean England isn't already a BBC theme park?
posted by srboisvert at 7:08 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sigh...
posted by Artw at 7:14 AM on December 11, 2014


Srsly tho, I would love to do a couple laps on the Top Gear track, even in a reasonably-priced car.
posted by whuppy at 7:15 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


And now I just saw a website describe my homeland as being "the most timey wimey country of all".

Meanwhile from every other news report I hear from back home the place has slumped into a state of post apocalyptic decay.

Basically they should erect a walled highway between this shitshow and Kensington so Americans can go back and forth and avoid bothering the locals.
posted by Artw at 7:18 AM on December 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


The All-Babies-Look-Like-Winston-Churchill sperm bank.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 7:45 AM on December 11, 2014


When things get so bad economically, people start courting tourist dollars, you know there's trouble. Tourist dollars are terrible for building strong, economically autonomous communities, in my experience.
posted by saulgoodman at 7:51 AM on December 11, 2014


Maybe they could open some casinos next. That's usually the next stage in this sort of decline.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 8:19 AM on December 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


What rides would you like to see at the BBC theme park?
  • Gerry Anderson's Suspension of Disbelief Theatre.
  • Dave Lister's Stasis Leak ("What is it?" Step inside, come out three million years later: Boffo.)
  • Steed and Peel's Very Dangerous Chess Game.
  • The Young Ones Mystery Thrill Ride (You never know if you'll get sick, go to the moon, defuse a bomb, drill for oil, crash a bus, etc. Or the ride may simply explode.)
  • Mister Bean's House of Mirrors (Ecce homo qui est farba.)
  • Lunch, shouting, and insults at Chef Blackstock's Château Anglais.
  • Then (if you've all done very well) a visit to Grace Brothers' Gift Shop.
  • Exit via Prince Lord Mister Captain Blackadder's Cunning Plan.
posted by Herodios at 8:35 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yes, as a matter of fact, I do realize that the Avengers and Fireball XL-5, et al were not BBC productions.
posted by Herodios at 8:42 AM on December 11, 2014


Noel Fielding's House of Scarves.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 9:05 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


We're still getting the kinks out of the Life on Mars ride. We hit them with cars fine, but they keep imagining themselves in New York or on a space probe.
posted by ckape at 10:21 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm uncertain how well Top Gear's thinly veiled racism will translate to a theme park attraction, to be honest.

You must be This tall, and not Argentinian to ride this ride.
posted by marienbad at 10:37 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


endotoxin: Black Books wading pool and Barbeque. Father Ted historic Library.
four panels: 'Peep Show' Dog Park
edgeways: IT Crowd's nerdtorium? ... Black Books' drunken misery gift shop?

Channel 4, not BBC.

edgeways: The Prime Suspect panopticon?
...

Dowton Abby upper class twit shooting range?
...

Endeavor incepant burnout?
...

The Foyal's War sepia toned antique bumper cars?



All of those are on ITV.

kitty stardust: Noel Fielding's House of Scarves.

Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy is from E4.

Are these all really on BBC America and if so, is BBC America the only way Americans get their British shows? Have you not torrents?
posted by anemone of the state at 1:48 PM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Benny Hill's Sexual Harassment Teacups

Their first album is class.

Question Time Adventure, a room with many doors but no matter which one you open Nigel Farage lurches out with a pint, a fag and a rictus grin.
posted by reynir at 2:16 PM on December 11, 2014


Are these all really on BBC America and if so, is BBC America the only way Americans get their British shows? Have you not torrents?

Some of us don't know squat about how torrents work.

But you'll actually find a few of these shows on other channels - The IT Crowd is something I've seen more on Comedy Channel or the Independent Film Channel, and I think the older and stogier things (Benny Hill, Are you Being Served?, Father Ted) are on Public Broadcasting. The Young Ones was once on MTV.

I think BBC America currently carries Doctor Who, Top Gear, Sherlock, The Graham Norton show, and...wow, I actually think that might be it for actual British television programming on BBC America, the rest is reruns of the American Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and the occasional brief run of things like Broadchurch or original programming.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:37 PM on December 11, 2014


The W1A Self-Referential Hall of Funhouse Mirrors.
posted by Chitownfats at 2:52 PM on December 11, 2014


All Creatures Great and Small Petting Zoo
posted by Nanukthedog at 2:43 AM on December 14, 2014


OK, so there's a line I want to do, and I know that immediately it will be pointed out that I'm just being bigoted and ignorant, but I still want to do it, so I'll apologise immediately after:

There already is a Top Gear theme park.

It's called Essex.

Sorry.
posted by Grangousier at 3:18 AM on December 14, 2014


Malcolm Tucker's Adventures in Obscenity

OR

A contesty thing where you get into a chair and he swears at you until you cry, ya eff star star cunt.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:54 AM on December 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


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