This is Rita, your new landlord
December 11, 2014 7:30 AM   Subscribe

One Year Lease is an 11 minute film that was featured at the Tribeca Film Festival documenting almost entirely through voice mail messages, One Year Lease documents the travails of Brian, Thomas, and Casper as they endure a year-long sentence with Rita, the cat-loving landlady. "
posted by roomthreeseventeen (9 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
This made me flashback to back when I was fixing up the basement apartment of my house and considering a corresponding "landlady makeover". I planned to go about in housedresses and worn-out fuzzy slippers, with my stockings in rolls around my ankles, and stop shaving my legs. I’d wear my hair in curlers with a chiffon scarf tied around it, though curlers will fall out everywhere anyway, along with my teeth. My chest would have to meld into my stomach. I’d wear blue eyeshadow and fuschia lipstick, and a cigarette will perpetually hang out of the side of my mouth. I’d have to change my diction and personality, and say things like, “Whaddya want?” and “Jaysus, is the crapper clogged up again? Whaddya eat for breakfast, a bale of hay?” and “Didja see any of my knickers in the laundry room? They been disappearing on me.” I would also creep out any male tenants by hinting about favours they could do for me in order to have their rent reduced. (Not that I would do so in the event.) And I'll have eight mangy cats and a yappy, nasty-tempered small dog named Precious Joy.

Then again, all this sounded like a lot of work, so I thought it might be simpler just to adopt a landlord look, which would merely involve my growing some back hair and buying a toolbelt, worn with low-slung slacks, of course, so that my tenants could see where the hair does *not* stop. A friend suggested I combine the best features of both looks, as it was one area in which I could truly have it all.

But, given my usual procrastinating ways, I only got as far as adopting a single cat, albeit one that's deaf and squawks a lot.
posted by orange swan at 7:45 AM on December 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


The accent alone would have driven me insane. However, I have a small spot of sympathy for Rita. She is lonely. She is a little scared. She is old and set in her ways. She does not realize how much of an imposition she is.
posted by 724A at 8:34 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


I like the unspoken through-line of Rita refusing to acknowledge that Brian and Thomas are a couple
posted by Riptor at 9:11 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Is the shorter message at the end about the security deposit meant to illustrate an appropriate call from a landlord? It's an odd choice for a button.
posted by edbles at 11:50 AM on December 11, 2014


I thought it was Rita's lawyer.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 11:54 AM on December 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


My read was that it's the creator of the film leaving his own voicemail ("Hello, it's Mr. [Brian] Bolster...") for one of his own tenants, who wants to do something inappropriate with respect to their lease agreeement.
posted by jangie at 12:40 PM on December 11, 2014


My read was that it's the creator of the film leaving his own voicemail ("Hello, it's Mr. [Brian] Bolster...")

No, the voice says "Yes, Mr Bolster...no it is not acceptable...". Like roomthreeseventeen, I think it's Rita's lawyer. It's a "and there was one last twist of the knife" thing.
posted by yoink at 12:52 PM on December 11, 2014


It's a "and there was one last twist of the knife" thing.

That's how I heard it too and if so it didn't help. I enjoyed this and I also had some sympathy for Rita in the same way as 724A. I lost most of my sympathy for Brian and Thomas when that last bit ran because no, you can't use your deposit as the last month's rent. Every tennant I've had has done this and in most cases I had real reasons to keep a bit of the deposit for damages that were not regular wear. I still have sympathy for Casper though - especially he was left in the dark like that. The horrors.

I'm also not thrilled with the phrasing "they endure a year-long sentence with Rita, the cat-loving landlady."

Ranting and weird end aside I thought this was nicely done.

Also I'm so happy that the housing market came up just high enough that I could dump my townhome and I don't have to be a landlord anymore.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 1:14 PM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


I should start carrying around a go-pro and make the dumbass-tenants counterpoint to this. Recent highlights include:

"We have no heat! Outrage!" ... You have your windows open and it's -20C out. Plus, you have furniture crammed against 95% of your radiators. Heat does not appear and stay contained by magical means.

"Our hot water doesn't work! Outrage!" ... Yes, it does. It takes a few seconds for the hot water to reach the taps. This is normal. To expect instantaneous hot water is madness. Calling five times about it in the span of a week is doubly so.

"Our toilet's plugged and keeps overflowing! Outrage!" ... Condoms, menstrual pads, and washcloths (?!) are shockingly unflushable.

"Our sinks are plugged and keep overflowing! Outrage!" ... Stop putting the covers of your disposable razors down the bathroom sink. And the kitchen sink drain is not the place to dispose of oil and fistfuls of cooked rice.

"That guy who works for you (moi) broke in with his key and stole the food that my sister put in my fridge! Psychotic outrage!" ... Security camera footage shows that your sister hasn't been in the building in two weeks. She's late. Complain to her about it, crackhead.

My ಠ_ಠ face cramps up some days.
posted by CKmtl at 6:54 PM on December 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


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