"Californy is the place you ought to be"
December 19, 2014 12:18 PM   Subscribe

So Notch loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly. Hills, that is. Swimmin' pools, movie stars.

What's a "spec" home? The builder of the home is purse tycoon Bruce Makowsky.
posted by cwest (147 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
The home looks like ass
posted by MangyCarface at 12:21 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Map download?
posted by monospace at 12:23 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]


Looking forward to seeing the AirBnB listing.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 12:25 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


The home looks like ass

No, this home looks like ass.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:28 PM on December 19, 2014 [10 favorites]


That is about the most beverly hillsish home I can imagine. Like, if you told me to picture a tech titan's house in beverly hills, I would draw you that house.
posted by Think_Long at 12:28 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]


That bathtub, yes. Those Bentley throw pillows, no.
posted by oceanjesse at 12:29 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Okej notch här kommer once in a life time chans för dig: byter ljus & fräsch slott i söderort mot din koja i beverly backar. äsch slänger på en kopia av minecraft och lite aladdin om du slår till nu
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:29 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


I've always wanted to own a house with 117 rooms that never get used.

In all seriousness, while this house might be slightly overkill, Notch created an amazing product that has literally changed the lives of many of the users. Hell, my son watches YouTube videos made by guys who seem to be making a living out of creating YouTube videos about Minecraft.

So, yeah, the house is kind of awesome and disgusting at the same time, but I'm glad Notch has achieved success. I don't play it myself, but Minecraft is amazing.
posted by bondcliff at 12:30 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


three "high-definition 90-inch television screens [that] bring panoramic views of Los Angeles from the roof into the down stairs lounge."

For some reason it's this, not the M&M wall, that tips it into truly-silly territory for me.

How does one live in such a place? Does one live in such a place? Or is it just a way to park your millions for a few years while the furnishings go out of date and the M&Ms turn to dust?
posted by uncleozzy at 12:30 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


Inside the home is an image of James Dean and a replica of his famed motorcycle; the home also comes with a chromed Ma Deuce machine gun. A candy room features large M&M’s character sculptures; there is a bar and the home sale includes some cases of Dom Perignon. In addition to the ubiquitous Los Angeles infinity pool, this estate also boasts a large hot tub that Williams refers to as the “poolcuzzi.” There is an 18-seat home theater and three high-definition 90-inch television screens. The home has eight bedrooms and 15 bathrooms, each bath equipped with a Toto Neorest toilet (which cost $5,600 per unit, according to the press release).

Like Donald "The" Trump would say, you gotta make it classy.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 12:32 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


What good is a machine gun if it's not loaded and pointed out at attackers?
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 12:33 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


>The home looks like ass

Oh, yeah, I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole. Like so many people with superior taste, my uncompromising personal aesthetic requires that I live in a run-of-the-mill, lower-middle-class shitbox in a dingy, depressed region with nowhere to go but the rest of the way down. But at least I don't have a POOL in my yard; how tacky.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:33 PM on December 19, 2014 [52 favorites]


Also, I've lived in a 2000 sq foot home for six years and I still don't have curtains on most of the windows or proper furniture in a couple rooms. How the hell would you get around to furnishing this thing?

I suppose the answer is "pay someone to do it for you."
posted by bondcliff at 12:33 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Notch tweeted a view of the candy dispenser
posted by memebake at 12:33 PM on December 19, 2014


Notch tweeted a view of the candy dispenser

Shenanigans. That's the view from a massage chair at the "fancy" mall.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:35 PM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]


Move it to the water, and this would basically be Tony Stark's house.
posted by Iridic at 12:35 PM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]


Oh, yeah, I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole.

I don't need a billion dollars to tell that house is a weird mixture of cool and tacky as hell.
posted by Justinian at 12:35 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Parts of the house look exceptionally easy to model in Minecraft. Look at this and this, for instance. Maybe Notch just feels at home somewhere that seems the wrong scale and has lots of blocky angular shapes.
posted by BinaryApe at 12:36 PM on December 19, 2014 [15 favorites]


Notch tweeted a view of the candy dispenser

I wonder if he's doing this as performance art. "Hey, look at all this useless shit my Microsoft money can buy."
posted by a lungful of dragon at 12:36 PM on December 19, 2014


Say what you will, dude earned that money. I don't care how he spends it.

(I am jealous about that candy dispenser though)
posted by Twain Device at 12:38 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


How does one live in such a place? Does one live in such a place?

One? No. Many. Family, close friends (permanently or otherwise), household staff, personal staff, etc. etc. etc. That place won't be full, but it won't be empty.
posted by Etrigan at 12:40 PM on December 19, 2014


I wouldn't mind living there at all. The furniture choices are regrettable but that kitchen. Holy hell would I love to be cooking with that view!
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:40 PM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]


Property taxes are about 1.1% purchase price, groundskeeping is going to be around $300-400. So basically, just to own the place will cost $64,500 PER MONTH.
posted by anateus at 12:44 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Agreed, the kitchen view is incredible... but why in the world would you build a house so awesome and then get the worst apartment-grade sink
posted by sonic meat machine at 12:47 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm only interested if there is someone named Josh selling the place.
posted by Kabanos at 12:47 PM on December 19, 2014


Is this Bojack Horseman's place?
posted by jontyjago at 12:50 PM on December 19, 2014 [23 favorites]


I'm more disturbed by the inverted grey turd-pile that is the bathtub in what appears to be the master bathroom. It looks like a rock made by Star Trek props interns.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:50 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


I judge the shit out of my neighbor's (relatively) modestly priced middle-class homes. How am I supposed to not judge this beast? I 'm a snob, it's what I do!
posted by Think_Long at 12:51 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


just to own the place will cost $64,500 PER MONTH

Ha! He'll only be able to live there for not quite 3230 years! And then we'll see who's laughing.
posted by echo target at 12:55 PM on December 19, 2014 [11 favorites]


groundskeeping is going to be around $300-400

Landscaping maintenance would be considerably more than $400 a month for a place like that.
posted by Justinian at 12:55 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


3230 years! And then we'll see who's laughing.

Robots? Unless the robots decide that laughter is unnecessary, I suppose.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:56 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


MangyCarface: ;The home looks like ass
Yeah, but that view…
posted by ob1quixote at 12:57 PM on December 19, 2014


Notch tweeted a view of the candy dispenser

*laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs*
posted by maryr at 12:57 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Hahahahahaha, I retract my statement about landscape maintenance. The freakin' lot is "nearly one acre". HAHAHAHAHAH ahem.

No.
posted by Justinian at 1:00 PM on December 19, 2014


Ha! I totally got this place as DLC in Mass Effect 3. And I didn't have to pay anything close to $85 million! The view of the Citadel is much better, too!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:01 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]


Metafilter: The home looks like ass
posted by surazal at 1:02 PM on December 19, 2014


Oh man, owning a house would rule!
posted by Greg Nog at 1:03 PM on December 19, 2014 [45 favorites]


The pre-furnished homes seem oddly museum-like to me, or like living in a furniture store.

But whatever floats your new-money boat I guess.

Is he also buying a boat?
posted by GuyZero at 1:03 PM on December 19, 2014


#TheShining2
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:06 PM on December 19, 2014


"Is he also buying a boat?"

Yes. But it will sink if he runs into a duck.
posted by m@f at 1:06 PM on December 19, 2014 [18 favorites]


"Look At My Shit!"
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 1:07 PM on December 19, 2014


Considering the rooming house I currently live in recently suffered a fire and I'm still living in it, that place looks ok by me.
posted by item at 1:07 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Dude, have some M&M's. No seriously, that's not there just for looks, it's free for everyone. Seriously, bring some home to your kids, who doesn't love M&M's. Look, you can't come and visit me, hang out, eat my food, drink my booze and then NOT leave with M&M's. Here, I even have some special M&M bags that will hold them for you, just fill up the bag dude. Look, I don't care if you don't like M&Ms, you have a house, right; you can have a big bowl of M&Ms for your guests - they'll love that shit.

Goddamned it, I'm going to have five thousand dollars of stale M&Ms in a year, aren't I?
posted by el io at 1:07 PM on December 19, 2014 [18 favorites]


“Once I got a decent job, I never really had to worry about money,” Persson wrote on Reddit last year. “Now, all of the sudden, as a result of how modern society works, I managed to somehow earn a shit-ton of money.”
Hah, this guy.
posted by resurrexit at 1:08 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh man, owning a house would rule!

Yeah I'll be putting out a similar press release when I buy an attached 3br.

"Middle class boy returns to the mean"
**Dateline Secaucus...
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:09 PM on December 19, 2014


The house is designed for entertaining and impressing local Hollywood. Perfect for Hollywood stars. Doesn't make sense for a tech CEO. Except for this.
posted by stbalbach at 1:11 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Real estate is an iterative process, fortunately. Everyone knows that the real money is in the properties that have every inch of free land taken up by "vineyards," which allow for a significant property tax deduction. I guess if you have that kind of money, it doesn't really matter, but the most obnoxious houses in LA are those "vineyards" by a long stretch, if you ask me.
posted by feloniousmonk at 1:12 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Notch looks to me like "one of us", doing the things one of us would do if we were in his place.
Who the fuck wouldn't buy Tony Stark's house for cash if they had the chance?
posted by fullerine at 1:13 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


Someone already said it, but I want to reiterate, that shot of the candy dispenser truly does look like someone taking an Instagram from the "fancy mall".
posted by codacorolla at 1:15 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]


Who the fuck wouldn't buy Tony Stark's house for cash if they had the chance?

I dunno, I'd only want Tony Stark's house if it came with JARVIS. Not that I have enough going on to keep a super-advanced artificial intelligence busy, so he'd probably go Skynet out of sheer boredom. So I guess that's why it's for the best that I can't have Tony Stark's house.
posted by yasaman at 1:18 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Who the fuck wouldn't buy Tony Stark's house for cash if they had the chance?

Me, because if I had that much cash I'd be negotiating to get this place now that it's only has a skeleton crew and is bound to be entirely closed down sooner or later. With a new buyer available, maybe they would jump at the chance to get some money back on that.
posted by chambers at 1:20 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]


See also Britannia Manor, Richard Garriott's faux-medieval castle in Austin. "A secret room in the basement contains some of Garriott's most treasured artifacts, including dinosaur fossils, a coffin with a human skeleton inside it, and an authentic 16th century vampire hunting kit". Many video tour links from that Wikipedia page.

I hope this house brings him happiness. Notch has struck me as never sitting well with his wealth and fame. There's also the death of his father after some of Notch's success. I don't think buying things will make it all better, but living lavishly is certainly a nice thing to enjoy.
posted by Nelson at 1:21 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]


Landscaping maintenance would be considerably more than $400 a month for a place like that.

I run through the area and once saw a guy from a service that did curbside car detailing working - I stopped and asked what they charged and gave me the shrug and vague 'depends on what you want' but that it would be in the $400-600 range.
posted by 99_ at 1:24 PM on December 19, 2014


The home looks like ass

It is a lot less blocky looking than I expected, though.
posted by procrastination at 1:27 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Kinda wondering if the next step for Notch is dual citizenship, since he can easily buy his way into a Green Card, and how the Microsoft sale affects his tax status. (No money managers on this thread?)
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 1:29 PM on December 19, 2014


It looks like Jackie Treehorn's house if Lebowski were filmed today. Also, how much redstone was needed to build the car elevator?
posted by cmfletcher at 1:29 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Nothing wrong with that house, but how can someone even conceive a phrase like "[f]ully stocked vodka and tequila bars"?
posted by cardboard at 1:30 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


"The baby-blue carbon fiber Bugatti is Makowsky's, and the only one in the world."

wot.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 1:32 PM on December 19, 2014


Because whoever conceived that phrase is on the side of all that is right and good in this world.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:32 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


What exactly is a vodka bar? Will it somehow reject a bottle of bourbon or gin?
posted by octothorpe at 1:32 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


The house is surprisingly non-ugly for something that costs so much. But what's with the branding all over everything? You put down $70 mil for a house and the damn cushions have advertising on them?
posted by Daily Alice at 1:34 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]


uncleozzy: " is it just a way to park your millions for a few years while the furnishings go out of date and the M&Ms turn to dust?"

Of course not. There is a service to periodically refresh the M&Ms.
posted by boo_radley at 1:39 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


The infinity pool with the view of LA is pretty nice. I could take or leave the rest.
posted by tavella at 1:39 PM on December 19, 2014


Well, he's a single billionaire who almost certainly has a producer credit on the Minecraft movie. What do you think he's going to use his giant mansion in LA for?
posted by Oktober at 1:45 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Move it to the water, and this would basically be Tony Stark's house.

Exactly my thought, that or De Niro's place in Heat (though it's been a while since I saw that one). Except for the M&M wall, I would totally live there.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 1:46 PM on December 19, 2014


Why, because it's too far from the sofa? That's my concern.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:49 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


just had a thought

where do books go
posted by sonic meat machine at 1:50 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


what are these books are they props or something
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:51 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


fffm: I was in a huge NYC loft space in a great neighboorhood last year. The hedge-fund manager whose place it was had a crazy large library filling an entire wall.

Then his SO explained to me that the wall of books was bought by his decorator; he didn't actually have books of his own. The SO's books were occupying a tiny corner of the bookwall (and were quite interesting).

So yeah, propbooks are totally a thing. A very very weird thing.

(I mean, I judge people by their books... It's one thing if they have no books, but it's an altogether incomprehensible thing if they have a wall of books they didn't actually ever open any covers of).
posted by el io at 1:54 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]


Not exactly lagom.
posted by acb at 1:55 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Nelson: "See also Britannia Manor, Richard Garriott's faux-medieval castle in Austin. "A secret room in the basement contains some of Garriott's most treasured artifacts, including dinosaur fossils, a coffin with a human skeleton inside it, and an authentic 16th century vampire hunting kit". Many video tour links from that Wikipedia page."

Britannia Manor is the most half-assed disappointing thing I've ever seen. You have a shitload of money (well, I don't know how much Richard Garriott was good for back then, but probably a good deal, I see he spent 30 million on a trip to the ISS), and you spend it on building something vaguely medieval-inspired, but built out of drywall, by the same people who normally build McMansions, it looks like crap, not at all medieval really, more like medieval as built by builders used to making vaguely Southwestern contemporary architecture and strip malls, and it looks like it's shoddy quality. And it's in Austin. I mean, Austin seems like a nice place, but it's not what you imagine castle environs to be like. Its only advantage is that it's huge, I guess. You can see a decent view here.

You can buy real, ancient castles in Italy, Southern France, or Eastern Europe in the 10-20 million dollar range, a bit more if you want something really fancy. If you wanted something similar, but in the US, you could probably get fantastic builders and stonecutters and whatnot, the people who restore medieval buildings and know how they're built, to build you some sort of replica where ever you wanted for a similar price, and it'd be actual stone, not drywall, and would last more than 20-30 years before it started falling apart.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 1:56 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]


Yeah, when I worked in construction there were definitely customers whose decorators bought books by the yard just to fill up the floor-to-ceiling bookcases.
posted by octothorpe at 1:58 PM on December 19, 2014


Notch looks to me like "one of us", doing the things one of us would do if we were in his place.
Who the fuck wouldn't buy Tony Stark's house for cash if they had the chance?


I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, because I would be crippled by guilt and shame and anxiety over blowing money that could be put to some decent use on over the top silliness that doesn't even seem particularly fun except as an expression of personal power, which, like, gross.

I mean, shit, I feel guilty about this damn iPhone 4 that I'm typing this on. A house like that would kill me.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:58 PM on December 19, 2014 [11 favorites]


So those giant home libraries in design magazines are a lie? Should've known.

I do wonder what Notch will do with this house. Given a long life and plenty of money, there's gotta be more then fending off moochers. Maybe knock down a wall or two, plant a tree or something.
posted by ZeusHumms at 2:00 PM on December 19, 2014


Ugh, Joakim Ziegler! If that house were built of stone it would be lovely. I just don't understand how the same decorator did this (which, minus the skulls, is gorgeous) and this.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:03 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Compared to the last bunch of expensive houses, this is actually pretty nice. Though I won't pretend to understand why anyone would want to live in Los Angeles.
posted by bouvin at 2:05 PM on December 19, 2014


octothorpe: "Yeah, when I worked in construction there were definitely customers whose decorators bought books by the yard just to fill up the floor-to-ceiling bookcases."

I would never do this. However, if I had this kind of money, I could totally see myself hiring someone who really knew what they were doing to put together a well-rounded custom library for me. Tell them what non-fiction subjects I'm most interested in, and get me all the essential and best books on those, with enough different levels of expertise that I could self-study to any level, tell them what genres of fiction I like, get all the best stuff from that, all the classics plus most highly regarded newer stuff, plus a well-rounded library of literature in general, and maybe a selection of antique books and collector's items, related to my interests. In total, maybe five to ten thousand books (to add to the thousand or so I already own), and leave enough room for a thousand more or so in the shelves so I can add on in the future.

(Then I'd probably pay someone else to digitize the parts of my library that was not already available digitally, just so I could search and quickly browse it all. I'm not an impractical person.)
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:06 PM on December 19, 2014 [14 favorites]


Actually, full-time live-in research assistant would be nice.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:06 PM on December 19, 2014 [6 favorites]


I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, because I would be crippled by guilt and shame and anxiety over blowing money that could be put to some decent use on over the top silliness that doesn't even seem particularly fun except as an expression of personal power, which, like, gross.

I mean, shit, I feel guilty about this damn iPhone 4 that I'm typing this on. A house like that would kill me.


Most people are very good at not thinking about that sort of thing, though, or convincing themselves (and others!) that they "deserve" it, so you are probably in a tiny minority. I mean, you might feel guilty about that phone (though not 100% of the time, I am guessing), but you still have it.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 2:08 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


... and then he moves in and there's only dial-up.


ITS LIKE RAAAAAAAAIN ON YR WEDDING DAAAAAAAY
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:08 PM on December 19, 2014 [19 favorites]


I'm suddenly highly amused by the thought of buying a house like that, ridding myself of any of the tacky furniture I didn't like, and bringing in my salvaged-from-the-corner-of-Mass Ave-and-Ellery kitchen table and couch pillows cross stitched by my bored great aunt.
posted by maryr at 2:09 PM on December 19, 2014 [3 favorites]


I mean, I LIKE my IKEA kitchen island. I'm bringing that shit with me.
posted by maryr at 2:10 PM on December 19, 2014


feckless fecal fear mongering: "Ugh, Joakim Ziegler! If that house were built of stone it would be lovely. I just don't understand how the same decorator did this (which, minus the skulls, is gorgeous) and this"

And in the same house there are interiors like this, which looks like you took a suburban living room and put some full plate armor in it.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:10 PM on December 19, 2014


And wanting modern amenities and technology is really no excuse. Let the Barcelona Supercomputing Center show you how it's done.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:14 PM on December 19, 2014 [9 favorites]


Yeah, Lord British has some pretty terrible taste for a man with such a grandiose nickname.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 2:14 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


"You can buy real, ancient castles in Italy, Southern France, or Eastern Europe in the 10-20 million dollar range, a bit more if you want something really fancy."

Huh... It was my understanding you could buy real ancient castles in Europe for under 500k. Of course you were responsible for upkeep; you couldn't change it (historical building), heating of course would be brutal. Essentially the upkeep would cost more than 500k/year (perhaps) and you couldn't do what you wanted with it.

I applaud the rich software developer for making a castle that we all wanted to build for ourselves when we were 12... The only tragedy is that it was apparently done cheaply. But the description of his house is exactly the house I would build for myself (if I was a 25 year old worth 100 million dollars).
posted by el io at 2:14 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Britannia Manor is the most half-assed disappointing thing I've ever seen.

Meanwhile, the guy who invented the remote control built himself a proper castle to house his Roman, medieval, and renaissance weapons collection AND his remote controlled missile lab right on the ocean. And he had an INDOOR pool.
posted by maryr at 2:14 PM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]


Now that I think about it, though, maybe we shouldn't expect that much from a dude nicknamed the equivalent of Daimyo Japanese.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 2:17 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


BTW, meetup sometime post-May 2015?
posted by maryr at 2:17 PM on December 19, 2014


President American's house is surprisingly understated.
posted by maryr at 2:18 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


el io: "Huh... It was my understanding you could buy real ancient castles in Europe for under 500k. Of course you were responsible for upkeep; you couldn't change it (historical building), heating of course would be brutal. Essentially the upkeep would cost more than 500k/year (perhaps) and you couldn't do what you wanted with it."

You probably can, depending on your definition of castle, the state it's in, the size of the castle and the grounds, and so on. I was talking about castles very rich people would want to live in, at least part-time.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:25 PM on December 19, 2014


I like to imagine that the ads in the Yahoo slideshow are actually pictures of the home's features. Swimming pool! Giant living room! Cartoon cow! Shiny expensive cars! Woman in lingerie! Wall of candy! Questionable furniture! Anthropomorphic brain lifting a barbell! Damn, this place has everything!
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:27 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


"Yes. But it will sink if he runs into a duck."

No problem, he can just swim across this ocean carrying all his possesions almost as fast as the boat can do it.
posted by jclarkin at 2:34 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


A society where people actively shame / make pariahs out of people who buy gaudy shit like this would be so much better than the one where we have these "gosh, I would totally do that if I could" fantasies. And, look, it's not like "person gets a huge pile of money, buys a bunch of gaudy shit, realizes that it doesn't satisfy them at all" isn't one of the classic narratives in our culture. Maybe if it weren't for the people fantasizing about how great it would be when they know damn well that it's not great at all, maybe then nice clueless boys like Notch wouldn't fall for this trap.

The man bought BoJack Horseman's house. If that's not a recipe for suicidal depression, I don't know what is. I know I'm being pious as all getout here, but nevertheless I really can't shake the feeling that Notch has seriously hurt himself by buying it.

That thing's not a house. It's a symptom. I intend to remain totally humorless about it.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:35 PM on December 19, 2014 [17 favorites]


Damn, this place has everything!

A fat kid eating biscuits?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:38 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


The M&M thing seems particularly weird to me. Great, the house comes with $750 worth of shitty chocolate.
posted by aubilenon at 2:50 PM on December 19, 2014 [7 favorites]


John Hays Hammond, Jr. built his medieval-style castle between the years 1926 and 1929 to serve both as his home and as a backdrop for his collection of Roman, medieval, and Renaissance artifacts. The castle was constructed as a wedding present for his wife Irene Fenton Hammond to prove how much he cared for her.

Sing it with me, one of these things is not like the other. Hey this is my passion and collection and something I clearly care a lot about, so I'm building this FOR YOU. Yeah uh huh.
posted by Carillon at 2:56 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Just don't make eye contact with the butler.

And if one of the groundskeepers starts hissing behind you, RUN.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:57 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Is that Nakatomi Plaza.
posted by fleacircus at 3:11 PM on December 19, 2014


Yes.
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 3:28 PM on December 19, 2014


Notch's house looks like one of the fuck-you money fantasies from The Italian Job. Does he also have a stereo that can blow the clothes off a girl?
posted by localroger at 4:04 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Also, I seem to remember reading somewhere that Notch had decided it would be OK to spend half the money, without totally rejecting his frugal and modest upbringing. That still leaves him with over a billion dollars in his toy fund.
posted by localroger at 4:08 PM on December 19, 2014


Whenever I read a Variety article, I imagine it's being rattled off by a Stefon who's tweaking while skimming a list of foreign idioms that have been adopted into English.

The dernier cri ne plus ultra of anyhoodles, poodles.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 4:18 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


You can see a decent view here.

You made me realize that I think I visited Britannia Manor in GTA V. Wonder if the Notch house (or something like it) is there too.

posted by ymgve at 4:18 PM on December 19, 2014


Man if I had that kind of money I would totally buy something like that. Except on top of a skyscraper.
posted by egypturnash at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2014


That's going to be real lonely to live in :(
posted by wemayfreeze at 4:30 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


It looks like a bad-guy base from The Incredibles. The only problem is the location, it should be on a volcanic island. I would totally live there!
posted by drnick at 4:33 PM on December 19, 2014


You could film a remake of World on a Wire in there.

You could also Ian Curtis yourself and no one would find you for months and months.

Thinking Notch is more a candidate for the former.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 4:43 PM on December 19, 2014


Compared to other houses for multimillionaires that I saw come through an old office of mine, this place is incredibly restrained and tasteful.
posted by LionIndex at 4:50 PM on December 19, 2014


With that kind of money I'd build an energy-efficient, green-as-shit, off-the-grid house, on a nice lot but not too far out in the wilderness cause I am not a wilderness girl. That's where my stuff would live, which would be nicer than the stuff I have now, but just enough that I don't have to replace it anytime soon. I might move my inlaws in there, so they can have a nice place to retire and see their grandkid. Or just pay off their mortgage in their current house so they can travel more. Whatever they like. Scholarships for all the kids in the family to go to college, that sort of thing.

The rest would be invested in skyscraper farming research, non-fossil-energy, social justice causes, and anything else that seems like it would help us get out of this shithole future we seemed headed towards.

M&M sculptures and giant mansions, eh. How boring.
posted by emjaybee at 4:53 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


It leaves me wondering what the Gilded Age version of an M&M wall would be. Perhaps a blancmange fountain?
posted by betweenthebars at 4:54 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Is that Nakatomi Plaza.

Come out to the coast! We'll get together, have a few laughs!

But what's with the branding all over everything?

I imagine that's the home design version of bloatware. The builder offsets the cost of construction by letting companies put branded shit all over the place.
posted by dirigibleman at 4:55 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


You made me realize that I think I visited Britannia Manor in GTA V. Wonder if the Notch house (or something like it) is there too.

It actually reminds me of Madd Dogg's house in GTA: San Andreas.
posted by indubitable at 5:08 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Turns out one of the world's premier computer geeks has bad taste


who knew
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 5:22 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


lagom.
posted by persona au gratin at 5:40 PM on December 19, 2014


No, just no. Outsized real estate transactions like this one essentially spell doom to any lovely old house on a large flat lot.

In this case, it looks like the previous house was just something that went up in the '80s, but L.A. has been losing many exceptional properties to flippers, among them Cliff May's Miller House, illegally demolished while its historic designation was pending and stop-work order was in effect (PDF).

Anyone who buys into this gross aspirational real estate game is directly contributing to the destruction of the architectural heritage of Southern California. Thanks, Notch. Thanks, a lot.
posted by Scram at 6:27 PM on December 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


Buddy of mine: "The roof looks like the roof of a Wal-Mart."
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 6:45 PM on December 19, 2014


The roof looks like the roof of a Wal-Mart.

To be fair, also like everything ever built by Frank Lloyd Wright.
posted by localroger at 8:15 PM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


Notch buying a 70 million dollar house is the equivalent of me getting an IPad.

Two billion dollars is an unimaginable amount of money which just keeps growing and growing.
Shit he'll probably earn back the 70 million by the time he moves in.

I also have no doubts that once he gets his head round his staggering wealth the fun will really begin.
As I said, one of us has got over the wall and it's surprising how rarely that actually happens.
posted by fullerine at 9:02 PM on December 19, 2014


one of us has gotten over the wall

That's a myth that I hope never propagates.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:25 PM on December 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


Maybe if it weren't for the people fantasizing about how great it would be when they know damn well that it's not great at all, maybe then nice clueless boys like Notch wouldn't fall for this trap.

The man bought BoJack Horseman's house. If that's not a recipe for suicidal depression, I don't know what is. I know I'm being pious as all getout here, but nevertheless I really can't shake the feeling that Notch has seriously hurt himself by buying it.


Or maybe he's doing it for the hell of it because he can?

Like it's one thing to point out what he could have done to help other people with that money. It's one thing to to ask what's up with a world where it somehow makes sense for this much money to end up in the hands of one person. But who says he thinks he's purchasing his perfect life here or filling some void? Dude was a pretty ordinary person a few years ago and now he can buy pretty much the most expensive item for sale and it's no big thing. He jokingly asked for two billion dollars, now he's really worth something like like $1.5. If this is a symptom of something it's derealization. He's probably going to wake up in a few months asking why the fuck he has a wall of candy dispensers and James Dean's motorcycle but I doubt it's going to kill him.
posted by atoxyl at 11:56 PM on December 19, 2014


The home looks like ass

It's a nice house that is poorly decorated. Pretty sure Notch will be able to afford new throw cushions. I hope he enjoys his new home. Considering that the man spent years of his life building Minecraft on his own, I also find it hilarious that anyone would think he and his lovely views will be lonely. He'll be fine.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:51 AM on December 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


Of course your library should be full of books you haven't read. Just like your movie collection should be full of films you haven't seen. I mean, why even have a library if you've already read everything in it?
posted by ryanrs at 2:38 AM on December 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


I like the LA house Moby just sold, though it's of course tacky in its own way.
posted by maxwelton at 2:54 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


I mean, why even have a library if you've already read everything in it?

In my experience the idea of a public library is that it's a great place to find new things but a personal library is a trophy room. If you haven't read all the books you own you are being disingenuous.

When you visit someone and find a beloved book on their shelf and you bring it up and they have read it it spawns a conversation. If they haven't "gotten around to it" it becomes a let down.
posted by M Edward at 6:56 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


In my experience the idea of a public library is that it's a great place to find new things but a personal library is a trophy room. If you haven't read all the books you own you are being disingenuous.

When you visit someone and find a beloved book on their shelf and you bring it up and they have read it it spawns a conversation. If they haven't "gotten around to it" it becomes a let down.


Your experience is lacking. Some of us find it more on the order of a compulsion. Sorry to let you down and all, but there is only so much time in a day.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 7:01 AM on December 20, 2014


“Once I got a decent job, I never really had to worry about money,” he wrote on Reddit last year. “Now, all of the sudden, as a result of how modern society works, I managed to somehow earn a shit-ton of money.”

Yeah, well, about that ...... there's not much of a "somehow" about it ......
posted by blucevalo at 8:19 AM on December 20, 2014


If you haven't read all the books you own you are being disingenuous.

The last time I could afford to buy books, I bought five. One was a book I'd owned before and loaned out never to be seen again, while the others were new.

I guess I was disingenuous in the intervening weeks? Sure, buying books by the yard solely for decoration is pretty silly, but if I had Notch money? I would absolutely hire a librarian, give them an enormous budget and some lists. "Get everything written by these people and these are subjects I'm interested in, so surprise me."

What I'm saying is that I would absolutely love to have my home be stocked like a public library, and be able to walk into any room (every room in my dream house has bookshelves; the 'library' will just have a greater concentration of them) and be pleasantly surprised by something on the shelf.

If they haven't "gotten around to it" it becomes a let down.

That's just a missed opportunity for a conversation. "Oh you haven't? It's kind of like this other book on the shelf, but with more something." or "Neither have I, I've been meaning to because..." or a wide variety of other options.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:25 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


pretty sure notch has a girlfriend, so not single and alone (and that's some weird projection). he said on twitter that he doesn't even actually like candy. there have also been a few conversations from people living in the area who want to meet up and do lunch - notch told them he'd be going back home soon, but would be back in california before too long, which suggests this isn't his permanent or maybe not even his main house. something i read around the time of him selling mojang had notch saying something like, i want to be doing what i was doing before minecraft, except i'd like to be doing it on the beach. by an eternity pool with that view seems a pretty good way to get that feeling without stuffing your shorts with sand.
posted by nadawi at 8:25 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, well, about that ...... there's not much of a "somehow" about it ......

that link is not talking about the notch and his ilk though, right?
Belonging to the upper-class is not defined merely by wealth, depending more on blood. Just as in historical times, a Noveau riche member of the middle class will not automatically be accepted as a member of the upper-classes, unless they actively adapt their behavior and are accepted by the upper-classes socially.
(not to mention that the post seems to be a round about way to try to forward the argument that america's free market ideas are better than the social dem type ideas)
posted by nadawi at 8:35 AM on December 20, 2014


I'm sorry, I don't care how much money you have, this is a ridiculous waste of money.

This is a symptom of a very ugly cultural disease in our civilization where gross materialism is accorded prestige. Notch may be a great guy, and he should be able to enjoy his wealth. But when anyone spends money like this - in this world - it is an insult to the rest of society and they should be ashamed of it.
posted by darkstar at 8:58 AM on December 20, 2014 [4 favorites]


Say that again when you're sitting on billions.
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 9:08 AM on December 20, 2014


From the POV of a pretty large segment of the world, anyone spending money on anything other than basic food and shelter is an insult.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:12 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yep, staying pious and grumpy here.

A giant pile of money isn't a thing. A giant pile of money is, moreover, not a toy. What it is is a socially granted right to order around other people. It's a responsibility, in the Spidermanian "with great power comes great responsibility" sense. What the holders of giant piles of money do with what (to them) seems like small pieces of that money matters to everyone, even if it doesn't matter to the money-pile-holders themselves.

Although it is sadly legal to get a great pile of money and use part of it to buy a private house with scores of rooms for two owners to (occasionally) live in and for a small army of servants to maintain, there is no reason why we shouldn't do whatever little thing we can to make it socially unacceptable to spend any part of a moneypile that way.

By wasting the power he's gotten from his windfall on this, notch has indicated that he's no longer just that humble little hacker with a humble little game that's turned into a worldwide phenomenon. Instead, through his actions, he's managed to turn himself into that guy who bought that stupid house.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:19 AM on December 20, 2014 [3 favorites]


Say that again when you're sitting on billions.
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 9:08 AM on December 20 [+] [!]

Two billion dollars is a fucked up thing to have, no doubt. It'd mess up most of the people here. For my part, I'd almost certainly go completely mad under that much weight.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:28 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


I very much want people with giant piles of money to spend it on stuff. Go crazy, buy things, buy services, do big things. All of that is way better for the economy than parking it in the stock market. A bunch of people got paid to build that monster house, people get paid to build and sell luxury cars and watches and private jets and yachts and clothes and all the rest of it. You can't base an economy on this, but it helps.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 11:25 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


I very much want people with giant piles of money to spend it on stuff.

Fuck that noise hard. Pyramid-building is both environmentally destructive and a total waste of peoples' lives. If we need to shake money out of the money-piles, we should do it through straightforward taxation and redistribution instead of through wasting our limited time working at the behest of pile-holders to make crap that's no good for anyone.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:36 PM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


As super-rich people go, Notch may actually have created his billions' worth of public good. Minecraft has gotten an entire generation of kids to make things online. Almost nobody else who made that kind of money did anything nearly as valuable.

So I'm not going to begrudge him his toys, even if they hilight greater problems in society.

I fully expect him to play with his new toys for a couple of years, sell them at modest profit and carry on doing useful stuff.
posted by suetanvil at 1:12 PM on December 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'd almost certainly go completely mad under that much weight.

I would probably be very ethical with that much money and totally cool about it in case any extremely good-looking potential patrons are reading this right now
posted by Greg Nog at 7:24 PM on December 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


Man if I was a billionaire I'd see what the latest Veblen good was, and then just start handing them out on the street. I would troll the oligarchy harder than Al Czervik on crack
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:41 PM on December 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


I want a candy room in my house. But if I had that kind of money, I'd go all the way and recreate the Chocolate Room from Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
posted by SisterHavana at 9:01 PM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


I hope that means you'll have rare subspecies hominid slaves keeping it up?
posted by Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton at 12:30 AM on December 21, 2014


I have always harbored a fantasy of slowly buying every property within a municipality and once I had most, or all, give my renters notice and moving funds, tear everything down, and return the land to nature.
posted by maxwelton at 12:51 AM on December 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


I worked at a place that had a small M&M wall and, even though we had hundreds of visitors a year, they still want stale.
posted by Mick at 6:29 AM on December 21, 2014


I worked in a place that had a beer fridge (as in a keg in a fridge with a tap on the outside, eighteen inches from my desk) but the beer never went stale.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:15 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


Ugggh a house preloaded with tchotchkes and someone else's art? whyyyyy?
The James Dean motorcycle, the Ali "KO" sign in the exercise room, other people's car choices on turntables, other people CHOOSING YOUR CANDY BAR???
posted by Theta States at 11:08 AM on December 23, 2014


You Can't Tip a Buick: "Although it is sadly legal to get a great pile of money and use part of it to buy a private house with scores of rooms for two owners to (occasionally) live in and for a small army of servants to maintain, there is no reason why we shouldn't do whatever little thing we can to make it socially unacceptable to spend any part of a moneypile that way. "

I'm all for much more progressive taxation and for encouraging people to do useful things with their money, both through taxation and cultural pressure, but I think *forbidding* people to spend it as they like - say, on a big stupid house - is a bit much.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:32 AM on January 1, 2015


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