Kirby Delauter, meet Barbara Streisand

January 6, 2015 2:12 PM

Frederick County Councilman, Kirby Delauter, threatened to sue the Frederick News-Post if they continue to reference him by name without authorization. The News-Post's editorial on the subject is exactly as amusing as you would expect.

Unfortunately, the facebook post itself seems to have been deleted. The first link has a screen-cap.

posted by Lemurrhea (164 comments total)

Hee. For once the comments were worth reading; one of them pointed out that people should look at the first letter of every paragraph.
posted by tavella at 2:16 PM on January 6, 2015 [68 favorites]

If you're not allowed to use Kirby Delauter's name without authorization, and also not allowed to contact Kirby Delauter to get authorization, how are you supposed to Kirby Delauter?
posted by ckape at 2:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

Lemurrhea: Did you call KD up and ask permission before posting this? Because, you know, KD has lawyers...
posted by el io at 2:21 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

There really should be some absolutely basic tests required before running for elected office. I'm not talking about advanced calculus, just simple questions like "What is the First Amendment to the US Constitution?"
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:21 PM on January 6, 2015 [33 favorites]

I saw this earlier today and thought the acrostic was just inspired -- well played, News-Post! Kirby Delauter, meet Gertrude Chataway.
posted by The Bellman at 2:21 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

There really should be some absolutely basic tests required before running for elected office. I'm not talking about advanced calculus, just simple questions like "What is the First Amendment to the US Constitution?"

Q: Do your pants go on your head or your ass?
A: Kirby Delauter!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:27 PM on January 6, 2015 [32 favorites]

Metafilter: It’s an avantgarde experiment, to be sure, but we’ve had some success with it.
posted by blue_beetle at 2:29 PM on January 6, 2015 [28 favorites]

"What is the First Amendment to the US Constitution?"

A LIBERAL AGENDA
posted by klangklangston at 2:30 PM on January 6, 2015 [66 favorites]

a) wow

b) just wow. spectacularly imbecilic.

c) From PopeHat a timely reminder:

Vagueness in legal threats is the hallmark of meritless thuggery.
posted by lalochezia at 2:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [20 favorites]

Kirby Delauter? I hardly know her.
posted by mullacc at 2:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]

The short Volokh piece mentioned in the editorial
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:36 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

I propose a Dan Savage-esque redefinition of 'delauter' a la santorum.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:38 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

Who the fuck runs for office and doesn't want his name published in the papers in articles about said office?

This guy is broken beyond broken. If he wanted anonymity he never should have filled out the form.

And by "this guy" I mean Kirby Delauter.
posted by hippybear at 2:40 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

delauter - to shave off one's pubic hair

you're welcome
posted by pyramid termite at 2:41 PM on January 6, 2015 [14 favorites]

Don't mess with Maryland.
posted by escabeche at 2:41 PM on January 6, 2015

At least they didn't link to his Twitter feed.
posted by grouse at 2:42 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

I used to live in Tennessee and the politicians were stupid. Then I moved to Maryland.
posted by josher71 at 2:46 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]

So Kirby Delauter is "he who must not be named"?
posted by Area Man at 2:50 PM on January 6, 2015 [9 favorites]

(>'_')>
posted by Wolfdog at 2:51 PM on January 6, 2015 [18 favorites]

In the future, we'll all be Kirby Delauter for 15 minutes.
posted by scruss at 2:54 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Ugh, that joke was already in the editorial. Sorry. I only skimmed it.
posted by Area Man at 3:03 PM on January 6, 2015

Best part of it all? First letter of each paragraph.
posted by davelog at 3:03 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

I've have never heard of this man, Kirby Delauter. I think I'll l do a Google search for said, aforementioned, Kirby Delauter. I don't know what I'll turn up on this Mr. Kirby Delauter, but I will be careful not to mention or reference this individual Kirby Delauter in the future.
posted by McMillan's Other Wife at 3:03 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

Whether or not to drop $5 on a new MeFi name.... hm....
posted by Wolfdog at 3:07 PM on January 6, 2015 [29 favorites]

LOL once I asked my dad why he refused an interview with a reporter about a local issue. He told me, "What you don't say, can't be held against you."
posted by charlie don't surf at 3:07 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Todd Lokken

wait, what?
posted by leotrotsky at 3:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [15 favorites]

Kirby Delauter is the new Todd Lokken.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

If I did, it would be "Sherbert Deluder" because that is a great name.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:09 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Can I get in on this? I want Kirby Delauter to sue me, too.
posted by bh at 3:10 PM on January 6, 2015

Also, if you stand in front of a bathroom mirror and chant his name three times, the spirit of Govern Like a Taxpayer will emerge and try to drown you in the bathtub.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:12 PM on January 6, 2015 [46 favorites]

What a dick.
posted by mazola at 3:14 PM on January 6, 2015

Christ, what a Kirby Delauter.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 3:15 PM on January 6, 2015 [15 favorites]

Frederick County Councilman, Kirby Delauter
(Who forthwith shall remain nameless throughout here)
May not know his juris
From his prudence obscuris,
But he's a constitutionally consummate shit-spouter.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:16 PM on January 6, 2015 [22 favorites]

MonkeyToes: I tried that, but all I got was a process server with a cease-and-desist.
posted by ckape at 3:16 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]

Delauter: (n) the whitish froth of mucus and dead skin cells that often wrings the wrist after fisting a vagina.
posted by IAmBroom at 3:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

The response to this has been somewhat reminiscent of the 2012 incident involving George Tierney, Jr. of Greenvile, South Carolina, except that as a public official, Kirby Delauter really ought to know better.
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 3:19 PM on January 6, 2015

Laugh, fools! You just know the ones that DON'T make it stick.

Fnord.
posted by Devonian at 3:25 PM on January 6, 2015

This Is Just To Say

I Delautered
the laws
that were in
the constitution

and which
you were probably
saving
for freedom

Forgive me
they were suspicious
so liberal
and inconvenient
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:25 PM on January 6, 2015 [116 favorites]

In Kirby Delauter's world the trains will always run on time, because their schedules will never be published.
posted by mosk at 3:25 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

This is more common than you would think. The head of the public transportation board in my county recently threatened to sue the publisher of the local alt-weekly.

For publishing excerpts from the minutes of a board meeting. A public board. Whose meetings (and minutes) are public.

She was absolutely incensed that some reporter had "stolen" her "private communications".

:/

You cain't fix stupid.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:28 PM on January 6, 2015 [33 favorites]

Ha. I was just reading about this from the Techdirt article, which has a screencap of the original FB post.

The response by the journalist (Bethany Rogers) was dead on. Then Kirby Delauter dug a deeper hole by saying "Use my name again unauthorized and you'll be paying for an Attorney. Your rights end where mine start," which is just ridiculous. What a tool.
posted by gemmy at 3:29 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

Freedom of the Press, Freedom of Speech, First Amendment.

Kirby Delauter claims they don't exist.
posted by Orion Blastar at 3:29 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

You can't fix stupid

But you can, apparently, vote for it.
posted by Devonian at 3:29 PM on January 6, 2015 [41 favorites]

Money quote: "We will not bow to petty intimidation tactics because a local politician thinks he can score political points with his base throwing around empty threats."
posted by qi at 3:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Perhaps he can copyright his name and bring a case under IP laws?

I am sure before the decade is out some police force will trademark their badges and sue anyone who tries to film police misconduct under anti-piracy laws.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]

so much depends
upon

Kirby De
lauter

red with rage
sweating

beside the white
supremacists.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:35 PM on January 6, 2015 [8 favorites]

Kirby Delauter, of Frederick County
On reporters' heads has placed a bounty
For daring to print his name

Yet Maryland's son, Kirby Delauter,
Remains beset by lawsuit-flouters
Who print it just the same.
posted by emjaybee at 3:36 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

I kind of hope some constituent is egging him on...

"You know, if the first lawyer you consult tell you that you have no case, they are probably a liberal sympathizer... You may have to talk to a dozen lawyers before you find one brave enough to take on the liberal media and their slanted agenda. You'll find the political bias in the local legal system certainly, but eventually you'll find a brave soul willing to take on the case, and then you'll recoup all of your costs."

(Synopsis of Maryland SLAPP law: *Communications with a government body or public regarding any matter within the authority of a government body, if made without constitutional malice, are protected.)
posted by el io at 3:38 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Quick, somebody hire Georges Perec to write a novel in which he never uses the phrase "Kirby Delauter".
posted by chavenet at 3:38 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Man, I knew I should have posted this when I saw it earlier today. Nice work, Lemurrhea.

Delauter Delauter Delauter Delauter Malkovich.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:40 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

Municipal politicians, while often influential in terms of their effect on one's daily life, are also often completely and absolutely pathetic. Only thing worse are school board trustees.
posted by Nevin at 3:47 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Those who can, do; those who can't: Delauter
posted by OHenryPacey at 3:49 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Well, I, for one, intend to honor his wishes.

I won't even say it out loud.

In fact, after today, I won't even think about him.*

There you go, bud.

*[Okay, if he runs for a national office I may actually see his name in the paper or hear it on television, but I promise to not remember about today.]
posted by mule98J at 3:49 PM on January 6, 2015

ckape: "If you're not allowed to use Kirby Delauter's name without authorization, and also not allowed to contact Kirby Delauter to get authorization, how are you supposed to Kirby Delauter"

I just lost all ability to Kirby Delauter.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 3:50 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

When I saw the article I immediately wondered "Is that the Kirby Delauter who keeps shooting off?"
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:51 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

These noodle brains give me a break from some of the more seriously depressing topics on here.
posted by notreally at 3:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

There are people right now in another thread on metafilter making the argument that publishing an article about someone without their consent is wrong. So, while it may be stupid, this point of view is more common than you might think.
posted by empath at 3:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

what thread is that?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:54 PM on January 6, 2015

Where? And there are definitely different contexts: Delauter is a public official, definitionally a public figure. I can understand arguments e.g. that outing someone without their permission is wrong. That's not happening here.
posted by klangklangston at 3:55 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think media outlets are cowards and they hide behind the label of journalists and that's a bully pulpit to expand their liberal” agenda

Now there's a guy trying to get a call up for an appearance on Faux and Friends.
posted by Ber at 3:55 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

notreally: "These noodle brains give me a break from some of the more seriously depressing topics on here."

He's also involved in a lot of apparent, alleged kickback nonsense.
posted by boo_radley at 4:00 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Kirby "Don't say my name" Delauter

bwahahahaa
posted by bunderful at 4:04 PM on January 6, 2015

In the future, everyone will be Kirby Delauter for 15 minutes.
posted by nfalkner at 4:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm afraid the "meet Barbara Streisand" reference went over my head. Would someone care to explain? Is it a misspelled reference to Barbra Streisand? If so what is the reference? That part went spectacularly over my head.
posted by spock at 4:14 PM on January 6, 2015

Courtesy Wikipedia, "The Streisand effect is the phenomenon whereby an attempt to hide, remove, or censor a piece of information has the unintended consequence of publicizing the information more widely, usually facilitated by the Internet."
posted by pemberkins at 4:16 PM on January 6, 2015

Ah. Thx, pemberkins!
posted by spock at 4:17 PM on January 6, 2015

spock, that's a reference to the "Streisand Effect" - basically that any attempt to hide something is bound to get it more attention that it would otherwise have gotten.
posted by gemmy at 4:17 PM on January 6, 2015

Fame is a fickle fool
Upon a tiny bike
Whose trail once he'd
Guessed but not
A second guest could take.

Whose wheels the crowds inspected
And late ironic saw
Delauter's furious revolutions
Leading nowhere.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:20 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

Ah, the old hometown. And people ask me why I don't go back.
posted by Alterscape at 4:31 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

MonkeyToes: "Also, if you stand in front of a bathroom mirror and chant his name three times, the spirit of Govern Like a Taxpayer will emerge and try to drown you in the bathtub."

Well, it will if you're a state or a statist.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 4:38 PM on January 6, 2015

Alterscape: "Ah, the old hometown. And people ask me why I don't go back."

Is it the corruption? I bet it's the corruption.
posted by boo_radley at 4:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

There once was a Kirby Delauter
Name used by repawter, so he fought 'er
But Kirby was dumb
An inch 'bove pond scum.
A Delauter oughter be smawter. 

I'm so terribly sorry to have done that .
posted by Death and Gravity at 4:43 PM on January 6, 2015 [13 favorites]

Ah, the old hometown. And people ask me why I don't go back

it's because you refuse to click your heels together three times and say "there's no one like kirby delauter, there's no one like kirby delauter, there's no one like kirby delauter"
posted by pyramid termite at 4:44 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

I grew up and live in Frederick County, so I have a few extra details you may be interested in.

Historically it's been a rural, conservative place. (I read somewhere that it was once the country's largest dairy producer outside of Wisconsin.) In the last 20-30 years, however, it's been seeing an influx of new residents both in the county seat, the city of Frederick, and in many of its southern towns, including Urbana, Ijamsville, New Market, and Mt. Airy. Some of these people are working at Ft. Detrick, the county's largest employer and a hub for biomedical research; some are fleeing the skyrocketing real estate prices in Washington, DC and Montgomery County; and some are immigrants, most notably from El Salvador. I wouldn't say that influx has liberalized the county, but it has opened up some significant differences between the southern and the northern part of the county, which includes Emmitsburg, Thurmont, and Woodsboro, and remains deeply white, rural, and right-wing. (How right-wing? Well, keep in mind the headquarters of the KKK used to be in Thurmont, as mentioned in this fascinating article about a black musician who befriended the Imperial Wizard of the KKK.)

So we're seeing now a disparity, as captured in this Baltimore Sun piece, between the emerging, progressive Frederick County that's home to a growing knowledge economy and has become a bit of a foodie mecca (Bryan Voltaggio lives here, for starters), and the old, right-wing Frederick County that has made English its official language and condones police brutality. You can guess which side Delauter falls on (his council district, in fact, covers Thurmont, Emmitsburg, and Woodsboro). I think, however, that the changing demographics of the country will give liberals an edge, though it may take a long time. The recent election, for example, gave the Republicans a 4-3 majority on the county council, but the Democrats the county executive--though it probably helped that the Republican candidate was a buffoon who tried to give himself a job on the powerful Planning Commission after losing and was rebuffed with extreme prejudice by the state attorney general.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't judge Frederick County, which is a lovely place that I call home, by the idiocy of one man. It contains multitudes.
posted by Cash4Lead at 4:46 PM on January 6, 2015 [40 favorites]

I accidentally the whole Delauter.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:47 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

On the one hand, I can see how someone might have legitimate reasons for not wanting his or a family member's name publicly published --- they were the victim of a crime, the event was private (a wedding or death, for instance). But that's private individuals, and private events, not governmental meetings or activities.

But the lovely Mr. Kirby Delauter holds public office in the state of Maryland: he raised money to run for that public office, he fought hard to get voted into that public office, and I'm therefore forced to assume he willingly chose to assume the mantle of that public office --- and the operative term here is public office: not private, public. Public, as in whatever he does or says or writes in his official public capacity is, duh, public.

Methinks it might be a good idea if Mr. Kirby Delauter were to have the First Amendment of the US Constitution (here's a hint, Kirby: that's the one about "free speech" and "freedom of the press") tattooed, in a nice clear font, on his forearms, so it'd always be available for him to reference.
posted by easily confused at 4:48 PM on January 6, 2015

easily confused, i think those tattoos would be more visible in his colon
posted by pyramid termite at 4:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

As inspired by the Smurfs we should Kirby Delauter our Kirby Delautering Kirby Delauters in Kirby Delauter's face.
posted by tommasz at 5:13 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

pyramid termite: of course, we're also both assuming the troglodyte can read.
posted by easily confused at 5:14 PM on January 6, 2015

I used to be Kirby Delauter like you, but then I took an arrow in the Kirby Delauter.
posted by aesop at 5:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

I nominate this man to go Galt, Shreve too.
posted by ethansr at 5:18 PM on January 6, 2015

Metafilter: Login Required.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:22 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

> Vagueness in legal threats is the hallmark of meritless thuggery.

Rob and Doug Ford (remember them???) were also big on this. Did you live in Toronto between 2010 and 2014? Statistically speaking, one or both of them probably threatened to sue you.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:25 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

If your partner refuses to give you a Rusty Venture, no way they'll entertain the thought of you performing a Kirby Delauter.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:29 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]

It is so odd how people misinterpret the First Amendment, in both directions. I tune in to a couple of Facebook pages devoted to local issues and a number of posters insist on posting garbage and then claiming its their First Amendment right to do so, and censorship is unconstitutional. (yes, they say this).

And I saw some people on a tv infotainment show the other day who were defending a house guest who was ordered to leave the premises because he kept using the F word to discuss what he wanted to do with the landlord's wife. And these morons on the show were claiming he had a First Amendment right to say that and the landlord shouldn't have ordered him to leave.

Then you have Kirby Delauter. Is the rate of ignorance growing like mad or does the internet just reveal them more nowadays?
posted by etaoin at 5:31 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Kirby Delauter, his judgement quite lacking
threatened to sue Frederick News-Post for backing
a reporter - for refusing to cease...
reporting (on what he called a "hit piece")!
And the newspaper near pissed itself laughing.
posted by triggerfinger at 5:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]

Adultery Biker!
posted by cjorgensen at 5:54 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

When I hear "KD", I think Kraft Dinner. Maybe that's what everybody should call him from now on.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 5:57 PM on January 6, 2015

Hey, folks -- that's his name, don't wear it out!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:58 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Kirby ALL the Delauters!
posted by ostranenie at 6:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

Cash4Lead: Thanks for that link. I had not heard of Daryl Davis and his story before your link. Here is a (20 minute audio) NPR story on him. He also did a Reddit AMA in June of 2012. Also: a Daily Mail (UK) story on him from Nov. 2013. Finally, here is a short CNN story on Daryl Davis (YT).
posted by spock at 6:10 PM on January 6, 2015

And on the Blue, in fact.
posted by Cash4Lead at 6:14 PM on January 6, 2015

DeLauter you cry
De harder I laugh
posted by Sebmojo at 6:14 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]

The Daryl Davis "derail" interests me because, as a 55 year old white guy who has lived my whole life in Nebraska, I have always thought that racism, of any kind, was so stupid. As a comedian (I wish I could remember which one) once said: "So many good reasons to hate people and you're going to go with the color of his skin?" That about sums it up for me.
posted by spock at 6:21 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]

There once was a man named Kirby,
Who said to the papers, "Sir, be
Careful! You oughter
Don't say DeLaughter,
Cos utter my name, then you SLUR ME!
posted by NorthernLite at 6:22 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]

Amazingly enough, Kirbydelauter works swell as a Pokemon name.

Kirbydelauter kirbydelauter! DELAUTERRRRRRR!
posted by Spatch at 6:28 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'll sue you all!
posted by Kirby Delauter at 6:49 PM on January 6

pick a reason to flag:

.
.
.

Kirby Delauter
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

T̮̰̟̘̣͔o̵̞̙̟ͅ ͏̬̹̘̭͖i͍͟n͏͓̥v҉̤̻̻̰̮o̞ḳ̝̙̞̠ẹ̵̱ ̩̮̬͇̰t̬̩͍͖̙͟h̺e͕̞͙ͅ ̴͍h̡̤͈̲̹͓̻̩iv̕e̲̼-͢m̭͈̪̞͢ín̢̝̙̗͙̩d͚̗̺̲̪͉́ͅ ̧̬̹r̸͎̝̘̗e͈̼̼̯p̵r̷̮̩̳̦̩̪e̞͞s͉͙ę͈̫̠̠n̻̘t̪͘i̴̙̗͕̘n̠̼g̡̺ ̨̠̝͚ͅc̡h̛a̯͖͎͕̜ó̠̻͔̹̗̣s̯̪̟͇̗.̸͓͍̫̱̝
̦͖͓̳̬͔̹Įn̫̞̣͍̜v̯̰̯̫̣͉̭o̗͎̬k̳͈i̻̥͖̺̖ņ̪g̱̥̗̜̟͖̗ ̝̰̖̩͔̥̘͠t̫̩͉h̡e͚͇̬ ̵̺͖̦͎̙̩ͅf͉͍e͚̼̥̺͜e̬͓͔͙ḷ̞͜ińͅg̜̜̰̠ o͚̼̗̪f ͔̰͈͍̬̫ͅc̯̠̠̯ͅh̙̘a̴̤̹̪̝͓ǫ͚̤̲͕̯͚̲s͓̫̞̩͚.̻̞̘͉
̟̭͢W͖̤͉̻i̘̰̦̼͓̠̙t̞̗̥̯͔h̀ ̰͚̯o̷̫̞̙̙͔̼ùt ͏͓̻o̡r̨d͕̹̙͇̙e͕̝̯͈̙r.͙
T̞̻̞͎̬̮͉h͈̫̝̺̥e̩̜ ̪̮͔N̙̠̖ḛ̙͝z̢̲̜p̡͈̜̱̠̻e̵r̙͢d̠͙̼͎̥͓͢i̹̭̟̫̬͓͓a͖̞͎͇n͔̳̻̲̻̩͡ ͍̗͕͖ͅḩ̘i̵v̧͈̥̘e-͖̺̤̙m̼͍̥̦͉̀i̵n̡̞d͇̘͚̩̮ͅ ̨o͈̲͎͍͞f̴̱̹̹͔̼̺͙ ̱̣͚̘ch҉͓̼͖̙à̼͇o̧̺̜s̳̜͜.͍͙̺̫̩̪̦ ̜̟͎̤͚̝̗͞K͉̱̼̳ͅi̦̞͕̞r̬̣̳̝̖b̨y̸̺̤̟͓.͇̞̮̗͓͇
Ḥ̼͕̮e̱̫ͅ ͖̖͉̰̘͙͙́wh͕̙̜̹ͅò̤̳̟͎ ̞̰̲̮̰W̹̤͙a̝̪̜͙i͚̠͔͓͖̩̗t̬̣͜s̪̜̮͚̰̖̪ ̹̬̹̮̤͔̬B̮̬̗͎͇e̢̮̙͉̘̟̝h̫̦̗i͇n͟d̸̙̦͖͈͎̰͈ ̙̭͡T̴̪̦͖̻h͠e҉̝͇̬̞͖͈̤ ̲͙͍̰̫͡W̵̲͖̘̹̤͈̬a҉͙̹͉̪͍̩l̢̻͕̟̱̞l̘̝̺̖.͖
̡K̭̘̲̙̥̹I̟̲͔͔͎͙R̯̮̫B̨̗Y̨̹͚̰ ̵̘̭͍D̡̼͎̺̗E̜̪͉̦͖̟͓L̳̦͖̯̰ͅA͏͙Ṳ͚͉͍̦̘TẸ͖̰͓R̯̟̣̪͕!͖͇̕
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:42 PM on January 6, 2015 [8 favorites]

^^^ I think this is the first time one of these things showed up as anything but a series of boxes for me, and I still don't get it.
posted by BrashTech at 6:44 PM on January 6, 2015

it's just supposed to look kind of creepy and fucked up like c͡ŕȩa͠tu̢r͞es from another dimension are
b̸̘r͞e̻̜̣͇̪a̖̳͚̞̭ͅk͉͢i͈͕̭̯̝̗͜n̡g̶̥̫̬ ̭͙͔̥̱͡t̗̖̣̟͎͈h̜r̛̪̘̤̙̻̳ͅo͈͉̝͇͍̲͟u̹̫͖̼͚̟g̫͖͎̦̜̦͞ͅh͖̠̝̤̹͢ to consume our f̴͇̹̙̆̒͑ͣͭ͘̕j̜͚͛̐̓̌͝k̩̞͉̺̘̟̒̂̈́ͤ̉̂ͅj̼̘̥͕̉̈͌̃ͬ̌͜ͅń͊̀͌ͤ̋̑҉̤͔k̷͕̝̖̖̩̼͑̈͋̒͒͐͂͟k̶̴̬͒̑̇k̷̺ͧ̀ͧͮ͐k͎̟͎̦̗͉̙͔̑́ͣͥ̂̆̄͢k̵̭͕̳̥̏͆̈́͝k̙͊̎ͧ́̚̕͞k͇̳͉͛̌̀͞ͅk̷̳̩̬̤ͮͪͦ͡k̰̮̙̂̿ͭ̒͘͢k̡͔͎̭̜̜͔͈̲ͭ̍̆̓k͎̘̩̯̈́k̗̟̭̟͖̀̄͢k̗̮̘͚̰͎̼̟̔͑͗͌̕k͓̙̝̣̣͍̗͔ͯ͡ͅk̛͚̳͍̔̄̔̐ͮ͢ͅ;̪̱̈̃͗̿ͯͭͥ̕f̜̝͎̗̬̞̣̽͌̓k͔̓̀̄͆̀͗̒͛̀̕f̢̮̳͈͎̎̇̈́͋ͪ̑͑͡f͚̮͐ͩ̂͑̍̇ͦͣ̓͝͝ͅf̦̞͍͇̺̽͊ͤͧ̊͞f̪̙̯̜̎͐ͥͨ̏ͭͨ̾͡͞f̸̪̙̬̘̮͔̦̜̔͌̅́̋ͧ̃ͨ͋f̐ͥͦ҉̴̻̳͙̼͖̘f̡̑ͥͫ́̿͒҉̨̣̼̺f̪͙̙̙̥̯̘̽
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:54 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

In Kirby's mind things are a mess
For he thinks there's no freedom of press
And Delauter he shouts
To have things taken out
Of the paper, they listen the less.
posted by uosuaq at 6:59 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

Yo dawg, I heard you like to Kirby Delauter, so we put a Kirby Delauter in your Kirby Delauter so you can Kirby Delauter while you Kirby Delauter.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:06 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]

ckape: Where does it say you're not even allowed to contact Kirby Delauter to get permission?
posted by BiggerJ at 7:13 PM on January 6, 2015

And then, Kirby Delauter will open one of his seven mouths, and sing the song that ends the earth - Kirby Delauter
posted by Windopaene at 7:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

* Kirby Delauter.
posted by slimbob at 7:43 PM on January 6, 2015

There once was a man named Delauter
on Facebook a bit of a shouter.
Don't write my name!
He said all aflame
But the press wrote Delauter yet louder
posted by telstar at 7:45 PM on January 6, 2015 [15 favorites]

>> First Amendment

Those who know it the least, know it Delautist.
posted by JohnFredra at 7:46 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]

What makes this delautering even more silly is that his complaints stemmed from this article, in which Delauter was paraphrased (not even quoted) as saying the most innocuous thing in support of a fellow councilman. The county just switched to a strong county executive form of government, so Delauter and the other guy lost power in the transition from county commissioners to county councilmembers. The other guy was complaining about losing an assigned parking space and Delauter backed him up on the complaint. A petty complaint for sure, but it is not like Delauter was portrayed as a monster or anything remotely horrible.
posted by plastic_animals at 7:48 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Hey uh...you guys talkin bout Kirby Delauter? I can dig it.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:09 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

Delauter: n - A person unfamiliar with the Streisand effect who becomes extremely familiar with it by virtue of being kind of a doofus.
posted by quin at 8:13 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

Warning: Do not taunt Kirby Delauter.

Kirby Delauter may stick to certain kinds of skin.
posted by rock swoon has no past at 8:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]

Alternatively, his name could become an all purpose replacement for whatever the meme of the day happens to be;

All your Delauter belong to us.
Slender Kirby
My Little Kirby: Friendship is Magic
Delauteraptor
Delauter falls, everyone dies.
Delautobear
Not sure if foolish, or just Delauter

The possibilities are pretty much endless.

Oh and:

Metafilter: Kirby Delauter
posted by quin at 8:22 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Delauter Dey Come,
Delauter Dey Fall
One and All
posted by jenkinsEar at 8:25 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: We're sure there's a joke in "Brutelike Yard" somewhere.
posted by jenkinsEar at 8:26 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Kirby Delauter? I damn near killed 'er...
posted by Windopaene at 8:34 PM on January 6, 2015

Delauter and Delauterer
posted by uosuaq at 8:35 PM on January 6, 2015

Replace heart with butt Delauter
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:40 PM on January 6, 2015

||delauter - to shave off one's pubic hair

If I may:
delauter: the resulting rash from dry shaving one's public hair
posted by fgdmorr at 8:50 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]

It really does sound more like a rash than a stylistic choice. I think I have go with fgdmorr on this .

Maybe if we go with "Syndrome" at the end for the full effect.
posted by quin at 8:59 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

delauter: the resulting rash from dry shaving one's public hair

I think we have a winner. Who has an urbandictionary login? I'm lazy.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:07 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Kirby Delauter? $5, same as in town.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 9:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

People like Delauter, they just get so... invested in this stuff.

If he'd gone on facebook and said "Yeah, I know I can't really sue the paper for printing my name. I was just venting at $REPORTER because $REPORTER is an asshat who keeps busting my chops. You never say anything dumb cause you were pissed off?" it wouldn't seem like so much fun to keep the ball rolling.

But they can't. They just can't let go.
posted by tyllwin at 9:52 PM on January 6, 2015

"What is the First Amendment to the US Constitution?"

A: Whatever I want it to be, if I can rely on your ignorance or lack of giving a shit, which, these days, is a pretty decent bet.
posted by blucevalo at 9:53 PM on January 6, 2015

Kirby enthusiasm
posted by Crane Shot at 10:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Jesus, people, nicknames are brutal. A lifetime spent doing good works, making amazing things, and what do people remember? The ONE time you delautered.
posted by maxwelton at 11:45 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Do they call him 'Kirby the Bridgebuilder'?
posted by klangklangston at 12:03 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

But you Delaut one fish...!
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:21 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

13 Ways of Looking at Kirby DeLauter

I

Among the Frederick County Council
The only thing moving
Was the frothing mouth of Kirby DeLauter

II

I was of one mind
Like a derp
In which sat Kirby DeLauter

III

Kirby DeLauter raged in empty legalese
It was a small part of the pantomime

IV
A man and a women
Are one
A man and a women and Kirby DeLauter
Is still not grounds for a defamation lawsuit, not in this country.

V
I do not know at which to despair
The beauty of ignorant bravado
Or the beauty of innuendoes
Kirby Delauter ranting
Or his commeuppance.

VI
Icicles filled the window of the offices
of the Frederick News Post
The shadow of Kirby DeLauter
Crossed it, to and fro,
The mood
Traced in stupid
An unintelligible cause.

VII
O morons of Maryland
Why do you imagine prior restraint?
Do you not see how Kirby DeLauter
Walks around the feet
Of the gaffes that await you?

VIII
I know noble accents
And lucid, inescapable rhythms;
But I know, too
That Kirby Delauter
Does not know, and will never know.

IX
When Kirby DeLauter
Became Internet Famous
It marked the edge
Of a great circle.

X
At the sight of Kirby DeLauter
Threatening to sue
Even the bawds of cacophony
Would cringe ashamedly.

XI
He rode over Delaware
In a used Cadillac Seville
Once, a fear pierced him
In that everyone would know
That he was Kirby DeLauter

XII
The County Council chambers are blustering and steaming
Kirby DeLauter must be speaking.

XIII
It was twilight of the Constitution
He was suing, and was going to sue
Kirby DeLauter squatted in his office
And sharted himself, again.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 12:52 AM on January 7, 2015 [24 favorites]

This feels like a Gilmore Girls episode. Taylor threatens to sue the Stars Hollow Gazette for publishing his name in an article by Rory (interning over her summer vacation) and sends Kirk to buy up all the issues of the paper from Bootsy's Newsstand. In response, Lorelei makes hundreds of photocopies of Rory's article and passes them out at the Dragonfly Inn, but Taylor retaliates by refusing to sign off on the paperwork needed to pave the road to the inn. Finally, Miss Patty convinces Taylor to back down by threatening to shut down future town meetings at the dance school, and everyone hugs and makes up over pie and ice cream at Luke's diner.
posted by taz at 1:41 AM on January 7, 2015 [6 favorites]

For those who are having trouble following taz's rather complex analogy, in her scenario, Kirby Delauter is Kirby Delauter.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:22 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

I mean, "Taylor".
posted by Wolfdog at 2:24 AM on January 7, 2015

I got kirbied away.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:24 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Heh; as I was reading this thread NPR gave a quick mention of the editorial, mentioning the acrostic and working "Kirby Delaughter" in several times in a 30 second piece. I'm betting Mr. Delaughter will be thrilled about this.
posted by TedW at 2:36 AM on January 7, 2015

The question is - in the long run, will Kirby Delauter benefit from all this noise? The dark side of the Streisand effect being there's no such thing as bad publicity.
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:50 AM on January 7, 2015

This will not kirbydelauter well.
posted by msconduct at 3:07 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

Given the attention this is getting, I wonder if Kirby Delauter will be invited to dine at Charlie Pierce's place for lunch?

(And I just noticed that for whatever reason my iPad autocorrected his name incorrectly in my previous post. I hope he isn't offended.)
posted by TedW at 3:27 AM on January 7, 2015

The question is - in the long run, will Kirby Delauter benefit from all this noise? The dark side of the Streisand effect being there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Sure there is. It's killed many political careers. I think the best he could hope for would be the level of Joe the Plumber. He's a thin-skinned buffoon.
posted by krinklyfig at 4:00 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

HODOR
posted by LogicalDash at 4:38 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

OK, why hasn't someone made a copy of this tune, replacing "Barbara Streisand" with "Kirby Delauter" a la this fine example from Wien.

I'd do it, but I'm not well-versed in that kind of thing. Come on Internet, don't let us down!
posted by syzygy at 4:56 AM on January 7, 2015

If you have problems with Kirby Delauter, try warming it up for a few minutes before you start delauting. That usually gets rid of the excess kirb.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:09 AM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

So we're seeing now a disparity, as captured in this Baltimore Sun piece, between the emerging, progressive Frederick County that's home to a growing knowledge economy and has become a bit of a foodie mecca (Bryan Voltaggio lives here, for starters), and the old, right-wing Frederick County that has made English its official language and condones police brutality. You can guess which side Delauter falls on (his council district, in fact, covers Thurmont, Emmitsburg, and Woodsboro).

So, if I am following correctly, what you are saying is that Kirby Delauter is a country member.
posted by asok at 5:11 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I remember.
posted by Wolof at 5:16 AM on January 7, 2015

"Kirby Delauter? $5, same as in town."


Where can you get a Delauter for $5?

Most places I go, it's at least $20.
posted by Pablo MacWilliams at 5:21 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

All these names are yours, except Kirby Delauter. Attempt no mention there.
posted by Naberius at 5:31 AM on January 7, 2015 [8 favorites]

"Kirby Delauter? $5, same as in town."

Where can you get a Delauter for $5?

Most places I go, it's at least $20.

I didn't say it was a good Kirby Delauter.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 6:13 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

You cain't fix stupid.

This runs counter to my father's Bigger 2x4 Theory.
posted by yerfatma at 6:50 AM on January 7, 2015

+-----------------------+
| KIRBY DELAUTER'S      |
|     GOOD CONDITION    | 
|     RUN  GOOD         |
|   $4.95       OBO     |
|    INQUIRE WITH1N     |       
+-----------------------+

posted by Wolfdog at 7:01 AM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

The councilman Kirby Delauter
Was known as a bullying shouter.
This wrong-headed terror
CONNECTIVITY ERROR
I think something's wrong with my router.

But seriously, folks: Any Marx Brothers fan will recall the scene in Animal Crackers in which Chico realizes that the wealthy art collector Roscoe W. Chandler is, in fact, a former fishmonger by the name of Abie. Chico proceeds to prance around Chandler, chanting "Abie the fishman! Abie the fishman!"

I am of course not suggesting that anyone should prance similarly around Kirby Delauter while chanting "Kirby Delauter! Kirby Delauter!" but it should be noted that if one were so inclined, the name does scan perfectly.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:34 AM on January 7, 2015 [9 favorites]

Sup ya'll,

this is kirby delauter
And I'm gonna slaughter
Your freedom to speak because I'm a weak pouter

I'm a bleak shouter
I'm a freak outer

If I were any more ignorant I'd be leek powder, because I'm dirty and crusty and dry and insipid and if anyone tell you different they got it twisted
posted by aydeejones at 8:13 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

For legally unworthy
Threats so wordy
Delauter, Kirby
Your enthusiasm's disturb-y.


I propose a Dan Savage-esque redefinition of 'delauter' a la santorum.

Like we don't have enough feckless fecal fear mongering these days...
posted by xigxag at 9:18 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I say you could give Kirby Delauter his wish, but replace his Christian name with a Voldemort-like nickname: the Dipshit Councilman Who Shall Not Be Named.
posted by jonp72 at 10:21 AM on January 7, 2015

Or just call him by his sovereign citizen name: Kirby, Freeman of the Land of-the-Family-Delauter.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:13 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Delauter? I hardly know 'er!
posted by klangklangston at 1:11 PM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I live in Frederick County and am very familiar with Kirby Delauter's modus operandi. This latest escapade does not surprise me in the least. Like his fellow hard right running buddies, two of whom serve along with him on the county council, he simply can't help himself but to dig himself in deeper with every comment he makes.

Mark my words, you have not heard the last from Kirby Delauter.
posted by imjustsaying at 2:47 PM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Mark my words, you have not heard the last from Kirby Delauter.

Man, I hope not.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 3:10 PM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote
The droghte of March hath perced to the roote,
And bathed every veyne in swich lafter
Of which vertu engendred is Kirby Delauter;
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:17 PM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

Kirby Delauter, Who Didn't Want His Name In A News Story, Apologizes

"Of course, as I am an elected official, the Frederick News-Post has the right to use my name in any article related to the running of the county — that comes with the job," he said. "So yes, my statement to the Frederick News-Post regarding the use of my name was wrong and inappropriate. I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong."

He also said that he has in the past felt frustrated at being "misrepresented or misinterpreted by a local media outlet." He did not elaborate, but added: "I thought I had long ago learned the lesson of waiting 24 hours before I hit the send key, but apparently I didn't learn that lesson as well as I should have."

weak sauce.
posted by jenkinsEar at 4:30 PM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

If he had a sense of humor, that apology would have said (in part):

"Of course, as I, Kirby Delauter, am an elected official, the Frederick News-Post has the right to use my name, Kirby Delauter, in any article related to the running of the county — that comes with the job," he said. "So yes, my (Kirby Delauter) statement to the Frederick News-Post regarding the use of my name, Kirby Delauter, was wrong and inappropriate. Kirby Delauter is not afraid to admit when Kirby Delauter is wrong."

posted by Joey Michaels at 5:46 PM on January 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Does Kirby Delauter have permission to just wantonly use The Frederick News-Post's name like that?
posted by riverlife at 6:53 PM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

He should have also thanked him for spelling his name correctly.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:13 PM on January 7, 2015

I am unelectable, but if I ran for office, the first thing I'd do would be threaten to sue my local newspaper for not mentioning my name often enough.

Like, in articles about stray dogs.

"Stray dog found in Civic Park. Representative Scrump, when contacted for comment, said 'this is yet another sign that the era of conservative government has failed. Now just look at this dog. Who's a good dog? YOU ARE.'"
posted by scrump at 12:16 PM on January 8, 2015 [5 favorites]

You cain't fix stupid.

This runs counter to my father's Bigger 2x4 Theory.

Otherwise known as a Clue-by-four.
posted by phearlez at 12:25 PM on January 8, 2015

Sixty or so hours later, the internet is bored of Kirby whatever-he-was.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:52 PM on January 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

Wolfdog: Sixty or so hours later, the internet is bored of Kirby whatever-he-was.

He forgot to dig himself in deeper. His apology actually sounded quasi-apologetic.

He'll be back.
posted by IAmBroom at 8:04 PM on January 8, 2015