What do you anonymously send the person you can't stand?
January 13, 2015 5:10 AM Subscribe
Glitter. Piles and piles of loose, dandruffy, get-into-everything glitter. Ship your Enemies Glitter is a welcome disruption in the vengeance market. For the low, low cost of 9.95 they'll send your enemy an anonymous note buried in a mess of glitter.
Why? 'You know what's going to happen when that f*ckface opens the envelope & pulls out the letter? The craft herpes will be released & will go everywhere.'
Why? 'You know what's going to happen when that f*ckface opens the envelope & pulls out the letter? The craft herpes will be released & will go everywhere.'
I just ordered one of these and mailed it to myself. I will report back when my letter of glittery hate arrives.
posted by royalsong at 5:17 AM on January 13, 2015 [44 favorites]
posted by royalsong at 5:17 AM on January 13, 2015 [44 favorites]
"Never hire Tobias Fünke."
posted by kewb at 5:17 AM on January 13, 2015 [29 favorites]
posted by kewb at 5:17 AM on January 13, 2015 [29 favorites]
"Glitter as a Service". What a gaas!
posted by narain at 5:21 AM on January 13, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by narain at 5:21 AM on January 13, 2015 [13 favorites]
The only thing worse than getting a small item packed in styrofoam peanuts.
posted by TrialByMedia at 5:21 AM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by TrialByMedia at 5:21 AM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
Didn't Cards Against Humanity sell bags of poop during Christmas? Or was that some fever dream I had?
posted by angrycat at 5:23 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by angrycat at 5:23 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
I would definitely do this. Do I have any of my enemies' addresses? I should check.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:24 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:24 AM on January 13, 2015
A child in Argentina recently died from glitter inhalation, after spending several weeks in the hospital, some of them in a coma. So, funny, not so much.
posted by signal at 5:36 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by signal at 5:36 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
Several companies compete in the poop-mailing business, including PoopSenders (best selection), MailPoop, and PoopPrank.
I once mailed a box of live cockroaches to an ex-boss. If only I'd had the entrepreneurial spirit back then I could be rich now.
posted by ffmike at 5:37 AM on January 13, 2015 [9 favorites]
I once mailed a box of live cockroaches to an ex-boss. If only I'd had the entrepreneurial spirit back then I could be rich now.
posted by ffmike at 5:37 AM on January 13, 2015 [9 favorites]
"In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher."
Dalai Lama
"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."
Jesus Christ
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
(Let me add that glitter can cause some serious damage if it gets in your eye...)
posted by HuronBob at 5:39 AM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
Dalai Lama
"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."
Jesus Christ
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
(Let me add that glitter can cause some serious damage if it gets in your eye...)
posted by HuronBob at 5:39 AM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
hey now stop interrupting our quest for vengeance with your moralizing. next thing you're going to tell us that it's not normal for adults to have "arch enemies".
posted by indubitable at 5:44 AM on January 13, 2015 [50 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 5:44 AM on January 13, 2015 [50 favorites]
Do unto your enemies before they do unto you. This is great and funny.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 5:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 5:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Someone in Australia needs a hug.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by clvrmnky at 5:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
next thing you're going to tell us that it's not normal for adults to have "arch enemies".
All I'm saying is that son of a bitch in St Louis is going to get what's coming to him.
posted by zamboni at 5:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [34 favorites]
All I'm saying is that son of a bitch in St Louis is going to get what's coming to him.
posted by zamboni at 5:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [34 favorites]
Who are these glitter people, embittered former infant school teachers?
posted by Segundus at 5:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Segundus at 5:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Glitter is the new anthrax
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:59 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:59 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
Favorited for "craft herpes".
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:02 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:02 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
HuronBob: are you suggesting we glitter bomb the Dali Lama, that Jesus is recommending we make the glitter rain, and that we send the biggest package of glitter possible to reflect our capacity to love as Martin Luther King Jr. recommends? That seems inappropriate and juvenile.
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:06 AM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:06 AM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
My five year old niece is getting into crafty kind of stuff, like making bead bracelets and stuff with duct tape. When I was asking about what to get her for Christmas, my sister listed off a few things and then said, "...if you get her anything with loose glitter I will end you.." So maybe I'll send her this link so she can gift some glitter to a few people she doesn't like but has to tolerate for family reasons.
posted by ralan at 6:07 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by ralan at 6:07 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Blegh, glitter. The worst. Just by introducing more of it into this world you've made yourself a pariah before the gods. Pretty sure this was Woo Jin's revenge in the manga of Oldboy, but it was considered too anti-social and fucked up for the movie.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 6:12 AM on January 13, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 6:12 AM on January 13, 2015 [13 favorites]
The only thing worse than getting a small item packed in styrofoam peanuts.
Ooh!
Pack the can of glitter INSIDE a box filled with foam peanuts!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:14 AM on January 13, 2015 [23 favorites]
Ooh!
Pack the can of glitter INSIDE a box filled with foam peanuts!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:14 AM on January 13, 2015 [23 favorites]
Somewhere in China there's factories spewing out masses of glitter constantly. It's placed on ships, carried over to us, mixed into make up, glued onto faces, bodies and children's pictures and then spreads slowly through everything. Into every storage box, under every bed.
Once you start looking for glitter, it is everywhere. I'm fairly sure my dad hasn't ever intentionally jazzified himself and never will, yet there's routinely a speck of glitter on his face. Where does it come from? The thing that scares me is just how permanent it is. in thousands of years when they're identifying civilisations by the layers of garbage they left behind, glitter will be there, sparkling away amongst everything.
Evil stuff.
posted by leo_r at 6:21 AM on January 13, 2015 [26 favorites]
Once you start looking for glitter, it is everywhere. I'm fairly sure my dad hasn't ever intentionally jazzified himself and never will, yet there's routinely a speck of glitter on his face. Where does it come from? The thing that scares me is just how permanent it is. in thousands of years when they're identifying civilisations by the layers of garbage they left behind, glitter will be there, sparkling away amongst everything.
Evil stuff.
posted by leo_r at 6:21 AM on January 13, 2015 [26 favorites]
Pack the can of glitter INSIDE a box filled with foam peanuts!
Can? Why use a can?
posted by eriko at 6:28 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
Can? Why use a can?
posted by eriko at 6:28 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
Podcasters Keith and the Girl talked about this idea years ago (sending glitter to people you hate because it never goes away). They called it Glitter Revenge.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:29 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:29 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Gamergate will now reach new levels of horror.
posted by Going To Maine at 6:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Going To Maine at 6:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
I feel that they're sending the wrong message by including a note telling the person you hate them. That's too obvious. You include a note telling them they're awesome, so they think 'awww, someone loves me!' and then 6 months later when they're still coming up with glitter every time they wash between their toes, they'll be thinking 'fucking fucker, I don't want anyone to love me ever again!'
It's a much bigger mindfuck that way.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [96 favorites]
It's a much bigger mindfuck that way.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [96 favorites]
I'm fairly sure my dad hasn't ever intentionally jazzified himself and never will, yet there's routinely a speck of glitter on his face.
My dad, too! It has always baffled me. What is it that makes dads' faces so susceptible, especially outside the glitter season (AKA the winter holidays)?
I need answers!
posted by ocherdraco at 6:36 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
My dad, too! It has always baffled me. What is it that makes dads' faces so susceptible, especially outside the glitter season (AKA the winter holidays)?
I need answers!
posted by ocherdraco at 6:36 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."
"If thou does not let my people go, then I shall send upon you a plague of glitter, such that thou wilst discover it upon thy clothes, and amidst thy eyelashes, and yea, even unto your car -- indeed, thou wilst wonder, how the fuckest didst this get into my car, for I did not even carry the glitter hence, but there will it be."
The Book of Exodus.
posted by empath at 6:44 AM on January 13, 2015 [81 favorites]
"If thou does not let my people go, then I shall send upon you a plague of glitter, such that thou wilst discover it upon thy clothes, and amidst thy eyelashes, and yea, even unto your car -- indeed, thou wilst wonder, how the fuckest didst this get into my car, for I did not even carry the glitter hence, but there will it be."
The Book of Exodus.
posted by empath at 6:44 AM on January 13, 2015 [81 favorites]
I have actually been conferencing with a friend to come up with proper revenge against one of his neighbors, and this is perfect. If we end up using this, I will report back.
posted by X-Himy at 6:45 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by X-Himy at 6:45 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
The thing that scares me is just how permanent it is. in thousands of years when they're identifying civilisations by the layers of garbage they left behind, glitter will be there, sparkling away amongst everything.
The future is gray goo and glitter.
posted by notyou at 6:47 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
The future is gray goo and glitter.
posted by notyou at 6:47 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
I would definitely do this. Do I have any of my enemies' addresses? I should check.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:24 AM on January 13 [+] [!]
I am your enemy! MeFi mail me for an address.
I am excited for this new weapon in the arsenal of the hot war that is our marriage.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:48 AM on January 13, 2015 [30 favorites]
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:24 AM on January 13 [+] [!]
I am your enemy! MeFi mail me for an address.
I am excited for this new weapon in the arsenal of the hot war that is our marriage.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:48 AM on January 13, 2015 [30 favorites]
Meh. It wouldn't phase me at all. I have a six year old girl, so we are already knee-deep in glitter.
posted by ElleElle at 6:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by ElleElle at 6:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
Oh god I think my best friend would actually literally kill me. He already jumps about five feet in the opposite direction of any glitter he sees. I guess this would be a great idea if I...wanted to die young?
posted by capricorn at 6:55 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by capricorn at 6:55 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm not a particularly kindly person, but even so I don't think there's anyone I hate that much.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 6:56 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 6:56 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
As the parent of a 5 year old girl glitter is ever present even if you don't buy glitter for art projects.
I'm kinda convinced that there must be a glitter smuggling operation at her school because inevitably I'll notice glitter on stuff or in hair on faces without glitter ever being part of a project. It's especially fun when it gets in hair because for some reason little girl hair seems to have magical properties that hold on to glitter even in the face of showers and baths.
posted by vuron at 6:56 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
I'm kinda convinced that there must be a glitter smuggling operation at her school because inevitably I'll notice glitter on stuff or in hair on faces without glitter ever being part of a project. It's especially fun when it gets in hair because for some reason little girl hair seems to have magical properties that hold on to glitter even in the face of showers and baths.
posted by vuron at 6:56 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
I never spend money on my enemies unless it's to crush them.
Yes, but this way you can see them glitter before you.
And hear the lamentations of the vacuum.
posted by mochapickle at 6:59 AM on January 13, 2015 [39 favorites]
Yes, but this way you can see them glitter before you.
And hear the lamentations of the vacuum.
posted by mochapickle at 6:59 AM on January 13, 2015 [39 favorites]
An acquaintance claims he parcel-posted a raw squid to an enemy. From Korea.
posted by workerant at 7:02 AM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by workerant at 7:02 AM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
@mrs pterodactyl and so begins the Great Internet Glitter Wars of 2015.
posted by nerdfish at 7:04 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by nerdfish at 7:04 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
I already treat with suspicion any envelope that doesn't appear to have come from the credit card company or the bank, and tensions are heightened when I find one that has a handwritten address and feels like it could contain a card. All cards are opened with the assumption that they have glitter on the front and are treated with the same respect I would give to a possibly explosive chemical or venomous snake.
What I mean to say here is: don't waste your money. You won't get me. I'll see it coming before a single glit defiles my hand or sullies my floor.
posted by komara at 7:07 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
What I mean to say here is: don't waste your money. You won't get me. I'll see it coming before a single glit defiles my hand or sullies my floor.
posted by komara at 7:07 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
You want revenge.... Buy 10 lbs of raw shrimp. Sneak into his/her house/apartment, take down the curtain rods, pull off one of the ends, stuff the shrimp into the curtain rod, rehang curtains. Done.
posted by HuronBob at 7:08 AM on January 13, 2015 [36 favorites]
posted by HuronBob at 7:08 AM on January 13, 2015 [36 favorites]
Well, if you want petty satisfaction with no breaking and entering then Pinstruck works. Send an anonymous email with a personalized curse and virtual voodoo doll. I mean yeah, not quite the same satisfaction as property damage BUT you are too pretty to be in jail, right?
posted by jadepearl at 7:20 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by jadepearl at 7:20 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Alternatively, you could just eat the 10 lbs of shrimp and forget about whatever it was you were mad about in the first place.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:20 AM on January 13, 2015 [53 favorites]
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:20 AM on January 13, 2015 [53 favorites]
Do not overlook the peril of glitter lung.
posted by naturetron at 7:22 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by naturetron at 7:22 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm fairly sure my dad hasn't ever intentionally jazzified himself and never will, yet there's routinely a speck of glitter on his face.
My dad, too! It has always baffled me. What is it that makes dads' faces so susceptible, especially outside the glitter season (AKA the winter holidays)?
That is the twinkle in your father's eye, without which you would never have existed, so be grateful and respect the glitter.
posted by maryr at 7:27 AM on January 13, 2015 [11 favorites]
Christmas cards with glitter stuck to them, where the glitter has shaken off and falls out of the envelope.
posted by smackfu at 7:28 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by smackfu at 7:28 AM on January 13, 2015
I don't know how to tell you guys this, but I think your dads all frequent strip clubs.
Or they secretly craft.
posted by graventy at 7:29 AM on January 13, 2015 [58 favorites]
Or they secretly craft.
posted by graventy at 7:29 AM on January 13, 2015 [58 favorites]
Pack the can of glitter INSIDE a box filled with foam peanuts!
I once convinced a friend to send their friend a large box full of foam peanuts...surrounding one real peanut.
It was glorious.
posted by ilana at 7:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [16 favorites]
I once convinced a friend to send their friend a large box full of foam peanuts...surrounding one real peanut.
It was glorious.
posted by ilana at 7:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [16 favorites]
One year, I sent Christmas cards stuffed with confetti to my friends. Most were amused. A few were not. One's still finding pieces of it on her keyboard.
posted by PearlRose at 7:31 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by PearlRose at 7:31 AM on January 13, 2015
All I'm saying is that son of a bitch in St Louis is going to get what's coming to him.
posted by zamboni at 5:46 AM on January 13
Hey. You had one job -- clean the fucking ice between periods. Not my fault you showed up to work drunk and threw a whiskey bottle at the visiting team coach.
I fucking gave you a two-week severance, too. Ungrateful alcoholic screwhead.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [19 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 5:46 AM on January 13
Hey. You had one job -- clean the fucking ice between periods. Not my fault you showed up to work drunk and threw a whiskey bottle at the visiting team coach.
I fucking gave you a two-week severance, too. Ungrateful alcoholic screwhead.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [19 favorites]
Well, I don't have to think about what to get next quonsmas!
posted by cubby at 7:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by cubby at 7:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
I spilled tiny glitter on my iPhone and was terrified it would short something out.
posted by smackfu at 7:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by smackfu at 7:34 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are you suggesting that all these bedazzled dads might have large scrapbooking and glitter collections hiding behind false panels in their garage and that when they disappear for hours on the weekend to do "building projects" yet for some reasons finished carpentry never seems to show up in the house that they are secretly doing arts and crafts projects in the garage?
Sounds moderately plausible, do you think that we could mount some secret cameras into the garages of these miscreants and get them on tape?
posted by vuron at 7:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
Sounds moderately plausible, do you think that we could mount some secret cameras into the garages of these miscreants and get them on tape?
posted by vuron at 7:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
What do you anonymously send the person you can't stand?
The internet has become so immature and crass. Things like this used to be handled in a much more dignified and respectful way.
Simplicity. Dignity. Class. The fecalgram.
Of course, if you want to combine old methods with the new, then eat a can of glitter a few hours prior to the production of said fecalgram.
posted by flarbuse at 7:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
The internet has become so immature and crass. Things like this used to be handled in a much more dignified and respectful way.
Simplicity. Dignity. Class. The fecalgram.
Of course, if you want to combine old methods with the new, then eat a can of glitter a few hours prior to the production of said fecalgram.
posted by flarbuse at 7:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
My dad, too! It has always baffled me. What is it that makes dads' faces so susceptible, especially outside the glitter season (AKA the winter holidays)?
Strippers.
posted by empath at 7:38 AM on January 13, 2015 [17 favorites]
Strippers.
posted by empath at 7:38 AM on January 13, 2015 [17 favorites]
I'm also concerned that this envelope of glitter isn't really good enough to bypass most defenses.
I think you'd be better served by making it into a tin of biscuits/cookies that is rigged to explode outwards like one of those cans with springy snakes in them.
Otherwise you risk the likelihood of someone opening the glitter envelope looking in and going "Oh hell no" and closing it before depositing it in the trash.
With a glitter "bomb" you are more likely to achieve the desired impact of dusting everything in the person's house with a fine coating of glitter.
posted by vuron at 7:39 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think you'd be better served by making it into a tin of biscuits/cookies that is rigged to explode outwards like one of those cans with springy snakes in them.
Otherwise you risk the likelihood of someone opening the glitter envelope looking in and going "Oh hell no" and closing it before depositing it in the trash.
With a glitter "bomb" you are more likely to achieve the desired impact of dusting everything in the person's house with a fine coating of glitter.
posted by vuron at 7:39 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I live in a house with a kindergarten teacher and two 6 year old girls. We have jars of bulk glitter, which is a thing I never suspected existed. I'm lucky to get out of the house in the morning without looking like a Twilight vampire.
posted by CaseyB at 7:43 AM on January 13, 2015 [23 favorites]
posted by CaseyB at 7:43 AM on January 13, 2015 [23 favorites]
I'm getting a 403 on that link. FWIW, a half used tube of hemorrhoid cream in a splendid box communicates exactly what you want to say. Maybe I will mash some glitter in next year.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:49 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:49 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Are you suggesting that leaving the house looking like a Twilight vampire is somehow a bad sartorial choice?
I personally think that more young professionals should have the pale skin of the person who only experiences perpetual florescent light plus copious amounts of glitter so that the rare times that you actually are exposed to natural lighting you blind coworkers and clients with your dazzle.
Think of it as the workplace equivalent of PUA's peacocking strategies. I guarantee that all your meetings will go so much smoother and people just will not be able to stop talking about your fashion sense. It's truly a great way to stand out in today's competitive workplace.
posted by vuron at 7:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
I personally think that more young professionals should have the pale skin of the person who only experiences perpetual florescent light plus copious amounts of glitter so that the rare times that you actually are exposed to natural lighting you blind coworkers and clients with your dazzle.
Think of it as the workplace equivalent of PUA's peacocking strategies. I guarantee that all your meetings will go so much smoother and people just will not be able to stop talking about your fashion sense. It's truly a great way to stand out in today's competitive workplace.
posted by vuron at 7:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
I can't load the page currently to check if the article mentions this, but "the herpes of craft supplies" is a Demitri Martin reference. He has a whole bit in here somewhere.
posted by aydeejones at 7:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by aydeejones at 7:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
The site looks like it's down, so I'd like to direct those who are in the more serious end of the vengeance-gram market to my own service: Ship your Enemies a Box of Angry Bees. Standard shipping includes packing the bees in foam peanuts to muffle the telltale buzz of rage. If you want them painted with Battle Glitter, that'll be extra.
posted by informavore at 7:52 AM on January 13, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by informavore at 7:52 AM on January 13, 2015 [15 favorites]
Holy shit empath that was great. Strippers are a pretty solid explanation. Another explanation that isn't mutually exclusive is that dads are often frustrated and sweaty, especially our faces, coupled with potentially rough and fine stubble that increases the velcro like surface tension. Shit, I just had to wipe my brow now. Sweaty dad face and glitter or pet fur is some bullshit.
posted by aydeejones at 7:54 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by aydeejones at 7:54 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh! That makes sense! I did wonder about that since, like, yeah, that's not glitter.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:55 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:55 AM on January 13, 2015
Last time I was in Vegas I found myself conducting thought exercises on stripper glitter and perfume. Sure, they want to smell nice but why mark guys with disinguishabe glitter and potent odors? It's because a guy who gets in trouble for going to a strip club stands a good chance of becoming a repeat customer if their marriage collapses, and it's a nice way of asserting some power over your "marks" who often treat strippers like dumping grounds for asshattery.
posted by aydeejones at 7:59 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by aydeejones at 7:59 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
(Is my theory)
Ultimately this idea fails because of the dead kid in Argentina. Shit you might as well be sending asbestos
posted by aydeejones at 8:00 AM on January 13, 2015
Ultimately this idea fails because of the dead kid in Argentina. Shit you might as well be sending asbestos
posted by aydeejones at 8:00 AM on January 13, 2015
Also, I have inhaled polymerized carbon balls aka printer toner in the past due to an accident and imagine the experience was similarly horrifying to inhaling glitter. Why are my loogies black? Oh yeah, toner. Glitter would be worse and feel worse
posted by aydeejones at 8:02 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by aydeejones at 8:02 AM on January 13, 2015
There was a woman in my office a couple years back that was into making things pretty as well as functional. This could mean interesting font choices on memos, or suddenly finding yourself gifted a vibrant lavendar stapler, but mostly she is remembered for her penchant for glitter. I say remembered because she didnt work out for other reasons, but 2 years later we will still find random bits of glitter clinging to surfaces as diverse as official FDA determination letter to co-workers faces.
Glitter is fucking evil.
posted by Panjandrum at 8:03 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Glitter is fucking evil.
posted by Panjandrum at 8:03 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Oh, and in college my friends and I used to prank each other by sending Mormon missionaries to our homes, which you can still do for some reason. (Seriously, LDS, this is the worst idea ever.)
Glitter is still worse though.
posted by Panjandrum at 8:14 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Glitter is still worse though.
posted by Panjandrum at 8:14 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Back in the late 1980s, my daughter tossed silvery"confetti" in the (form of small solid circles) at the Christmas tree on New Years. Cleaning it up was a continual chore, but we thought we had won until we moved from California to New Jersey where lurking silvery circles came out of hiding. We tried impounding them in one of those pottery jars with large cork lids that were in every shop on the east coast. We were sure we had won this time.
We moved back to California in the early 90s, and so did the confetti, though the numbers decreased. Two moves that followed seem to have finally won the battle (though there are still a few unpacked boxes in the garage (which I'm hesitant to open.)
posted by path at 8:19 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
We moved back to California in the early 90s, and so did the confetti, though the numbers decreased. Two moves that followed seem to have finally won the battle (though there are still a few unpacked boxes in the garage (which I'm hesitant to open.)
posted by path at 8:19 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Not only is it embarrassing, but your enemies will be more visible to radar.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:22 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:22 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
"Forbidden
You don't have permission to access / on this server."
I can't get on... Now how will I send my enemies glitter?! :(
posted by FallowKing at 8:22 AM on January 13, 2015
You don't have permission to access / on this server."
I can't get on... Now how will I send my enemies glitter?! :(
posted by FallowKing at 8:22 AM on January 13, 2015
This requires them to bother with rooting around for the letter.
Rather, make a series of mostly flat paper cups on small flat springs (whatever they're called) attached to one side of a piece of paper. Deposit glitter onto cups, close paper and transfer paper into stiff envelop that keeps the springs from extending. Mail envelop to enemy from two counties over.
posted by Slackermagee at 8:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Rather, make a series of mostly flat paper cups on small flat springs (whatever they're called) attached to one side of a piece of paper. Deposit glitter onto cups, close paper and transfer paper into stiff envelop that keeps the springs from extending. Mail envelop to enemy from two counties over.
posted by Slackermagee at 8:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Doing an art project in a room in this house, and in an incautious manner, I used silver glitter. Years later (30+) and a lot of vacuuming later...yes, there is still glitter in the carpet. The orange carpet.
For some of us, the 70s never will end.
posted by datawrangler at 8:42 AM on January 13, 2015 [15 favorites]
For some of us, the 70s never will end.
posted by datawrangler at 8:42 AM on January 13, 2015 [15 favorites]
Instead of using a spring to throw glitter up, where it might get into eyes, I would rather create a mechanism to rip the bottom of the cup whenever the letter is opened ... so that glitter falls down on the surface they were opening the letter over.
Most probably, it will be their laps or work surfaces .... Everyone will think either they are taking lap dances or doing secret craft work.
Objective achieved.
posted by TheLittlePrince at 8:43 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Most probably, it will be their laps or work surfaces .... Everyone will think either they are taking lap dances or doing secret craft work.
Objective achieved.
posted by TheLittlePrince at 8:43 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
We LOVE glitter!!! I routinely sprinkle it on my front steps which get full sun so are perpetually sparkly. I put it in my kids suitcases when they go to grandmas. I put loose glitter in all the Christmas packages I mailed off. Why all the glitter hate?? Glitter is fabulous!!
posted by pearlybob at 8:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by pearlybob at 8:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
you are history's greatest monster.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [42 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 8:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [42 favorites]
I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
posted by desjardins at 8:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 8:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [16 favorites]
Time for a constituent letter to Paul Ryan (OK, he's in another district, but he's still my state)...
posted by symbioid at 8:54 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by symbioid at 8:54 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
Please don't glitter your congressperson, no matter what a jerk they are. You will only end up glittering some poor aide. There is no way an envelope full of unknown particulates is getting to an actual Congressman.
posted by maryr at 8:58 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by maryr at 8:58 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
Surely this should be packed into some sort of high-pressure explosive device? Eg: water balloon or the like?
posted by blue_beetle at 8:58 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by blue_beetle at 8:58 AM on January 13, 2015
Hey. You had one job -- clean the fucking ice between periods. Not my fault you showed up to work drunk and threw a whiskey bottle at the visiting team coach.
Did you hear what that buffed-up bean said about my mother? That Cloud Gate can kiss my resurfacer.
posted by zamboni at 9:00 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
Did you hear what that buffed-up bean said about my mother? That Cloud Gate can kiss my resurfacer.
posted by zamboni at 9:00 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
dances_with_sneetches: "Glitter is the new anthrax"
Taking Glamour Bombing to the next level.
posted by symbioid at 9:01 AM on January 13, 2015
Taking Glamour Bombing to the next level.
posted by symbioid at 9:01 AM on January 13, 2015
I already treat with suspicion any envelope that doesn't appear to have come from the credit card company or the bank, and tensions are heightened when I find one that has a handwritten address and feels like it could contain a card. All cards are opened with the assumption that they have glitter on the front and are treated with the same respect I would give to a possibly explosive chemical or venomous snake.
What I mean to say here is: don't waste your money. You won't get me. I'll see it coming before a single glit defiles my hand or sullies my floor.
Incorrect!!! The glitter will SEEP OUT THROUGH THE SEAMS IN THE ENVELOPE.
You could throw it away untouched, but it will have been jostled about next to all your other normal mail, sprinkling it all with a fine dusting of sparkle. Then there you'll be, opening your nice sensible news magazine, and GLITTER.
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:05 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
What I mean to say here is: don't waste your money. You won't get me. I'll see it coming before a single glit defiles my hand or sullies my floor.
Incorrect!!! The glitter will SEEP OUT THROUGH THE SEAMS IN THE ENVELOPE.
You could throw it away untouched, but it will have been jostled about next to all your other normal mail, sprinkling it all with a fine dusting of sparkle. Then there you'll be, opening your nice sensible news magazine, and GLITTER.
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:05 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
I got the error and couldn't open the site but then it worked a few min later. I wonder if we are all crashing their server haha. Glitter revenge buying frenzy!
posted by FireFountain at 9:07 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by FireFountain at 9:07 AM on January 13, 2015
I read, I think on reddit, about a prank that involved putting glitter on top of ceiling fan blades. Much more destructive than a letter glitter-bomb, if you ask me.
posted by bibliowench at 9:07 AM on January 13, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by bibliowench at 9:07 AM on January 13, 2015 [17 favorites]
I also really love glitter. I mean, I really love it. I let my 3-year-old dump a whole jar of it in the strawberry patch and now the dirt in between the plants is sparkly and interesting. And a regular morning routine around here involves going outside and sprinkling glitter onto the backs of our chickens, so that they shimmer when they walk around (this we call "Glittering the Chickens" -- you should try it!). Glitter makes things cheerful and dazzling and reminds me of when I was 5, when I also really loved glitter. When glitter accidentally gets spilled on our carpet, I secretly cheer. Here's to glitter!
posted by staggering termagant at 9:09 AM on January 13, 2015 [39 favorites]
posted by staggering termagant at 9:09 AM on January 13, 2015 [39 favorites]
And a regular morning routine around here involves going outside and sprinkling glitter onto the backs of our chickens, so that they shimmer when they walk around (this we call "Glittering the Chickens" -- you should try it!)
This is amazing. If I ever acquiesce to my husband's "let's raise chickens and get a goat" plan, he has you to thank. I love this. I love this. "Glittering the chickens".
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:15 AM on January 13, 2015 [20 favorites]
This is amazing. If I ever acquiesce to my husband's "let's raise chickens and get a goat" plan, he has you to thank. I love this. I love this. "Glittering the chickens".
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:15 AM on January 13, 2015 [20 favorites]
I'm a bit disturbed at the thread of conversation here that boils down to, "how do I send this particulate matter through the mail anonymously and what is the best way to aerosolize it? also lol how can I send it to members of Congress?"
At least we know what some poor analyst at a TLA is tasked with today.
posted by indubitable at 9:15 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
At least we know what some poor analyst at a TLA is tasked with today.
posted by indubitable at 9:15 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
I live with a burlesque dancer. I am unwittingly smuggling at least a kg of glitter around on my body at all times.
YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO ME.
posted by kyrademon at 9:17 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO ME.
posted by kyrademon at 9:17 AM on January 13, 2015 [14 favorites]
maryr: "You will only end up glittering some poor aide. "
Who has chosen to work for a poor-person hating, right-wing, objectivist asshole. Sorry - no pity for them.
That said, no, I wouldn't do this, between them not being my rep, and really. just not my style.
posted by symbioid at 9:25 AM on January 13, 2015
Who has chosen to work for a poor-person hating, right-wing, objectivist asshole. Sorry - no pity for them.
That said, no, I wouldn't do this, between them not being my rep, and really. just not my style.
posted by symbioid at 9:25 AM on January 13, 2015
Not long ago, I made and sold nail polish on Etsy. The shop is on hiatus while I attend to other things, but I still have all the supplies. Including plenty of glitter in a rainbow of colors, sizes, and shapes. Sometimes I just take it out and admire it. It's all well-contained now, but you probably don't want to get on my bad side.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:26 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:26 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
When my sister was little, she decided to smash an entire thing of glitter in the carpet. My dad still tells the story about how, when they replaced the carpet after a flood a decade later, there was glitter on the carpet pad and the subfloor.
posted by sleeping bear at 9:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by sleeping bear at 9:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
The worst thing about glitter is that one tiny stray little glit can adhere itself to your face without your ever knowing it and then you walk around all day with a little piece of glitter on your face and all the people around you are secretly going "Haha you have glitter on your face." Glitter is stealthy, and glitter is evil.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by mudpuppie at 9:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
"When glitter accidentally gets spilled on our carpet, I secretly cheer."
That moment when you realize that it really is possible to have your own Moriarty.
posted by komara at 9:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [12 favorites]
That moment when you realize that it really is possible to have your own Moriarty.
posted by komara at 9:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [12 favorites]
I feel the envelope needs a glitter propulsion system. Perhaps some compressed air or spring loaded device could maximize glitterization.
posted by pleem at 9:40 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by pleem at 9:40 AM on January 13, 2015
I'm going to replace "Gilding the lily" with "Glittering the chickens" from now on.
posted by bibliowench at 9:41 AM on January 13, 2015 [35 favorites]
posted by bibliowench at 9:41 AM on January 13, 2015 [35 favorites]
We have a no glitter rule. This includes on costumes, headbands and even in glue. No glitter allowed. My friends think we'll lose this battle, but so far, so good.
posted by Chuffy at 9:43 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by Chuffy at 9:43 AM on January 13, 2015
MetaFilter: including PoopSenders (best selection)
posted by straight at 9:45 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by straight at 9:45 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
He already jumps about five feet in the opposite direction of any glitter he sees.
1.) glitter
2.) generator
3.) five-foot tether for the generator
4.) Profit!
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
1.) glitter
2.) generator
3.) five-foot tether for the generator
4.) Profit!
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:46 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Not really on point but somehow this post reminds me of this awesome and glitter referencing response to hate speech.
posted by bearwife at 9:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by bearwife at 9:50 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I read, I think on reddit, about a prank that involved putting glitter on top of ceiling fan blades. Much more destructive than a letter glitter-bomb, if you ask me.
Thank goodness this wasn't a suggestion for the revenge shrimp.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Thank goodness this wasn't a suggestion for the revenge shrimp.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Save some glitter for the the laser controlled glitter space telescope.
posted by zamboni at 10:08 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 10:08 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
The site looks like it's down, so I'd like to direct those who are in the more serious end of the vengeance-gram market to my own service: Ship your Enemies a Box of Angry Bees. Standard shipping includes packing the bees in foam peanuts to muffle the telltale buzz of rage. If you want them painted with Battle Glitter, that'll be extra.
I regret to inform you that my cat would FUCKING LOVE this!
posted by srboisvert at 10:24 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I regret to inform you that my cat would FUCKING LOVE this!
posted by srboisvert at 10:24 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm kind of fascinated by ffmike's link. Who knew there were so many variations? Not to mention, for the luxe market:
"Not coated with aluminum but argentum, special shining, much expensive, just for special using."
posted by tavella at 10:26 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Not coated with aluminum but argentum, special shining, much expensive, just for special using."
posted by tavella at 10:26 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
My glitter supply was running low. Just ordered a pound of silver and a pound of purple.... My neighbors have chickens!! I have a new favorite pastime!!
posted by pearlybob at 10:37 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by pearlybob at 10:37 AM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Before Christmas, somebody brought some store-bought cookies to work, and I ate a couple of chocolate ones, then noticed, minutes later, that my hand had red glitter all over it!
Glitter in cookies?! What the shit?
It took longer than I would have thought to get it all off.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:40 AM on January 13, 2015
Glitter in cookies?! What the shit?
It took longer than I would have thought to get it all off.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:40 AM on January 13, 2015
i really want to request a free sample of that one, tavella!
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 10:41 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 10:41 AM on January 13, 2015
I feel I did this to myself, sort of.
I bought a roll of purple glitter gift wrapping paper for some Christmas presents. (not sure if it was that brand)
It turns out that:
a- one cannot use regular tape on glitter paper. It's hard to wrap presents without tape.
b- (at least if you buy the cheap stuff), the glitter comes off on everything.
c- the back of my car, my suitcase, and several other items of mine will be glittery for the foreseeable future.
posted by MtDewd at 10:42 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I bought a roll of purple glitter gift wrapping paper for some Christmas presents. (not sure if it was that brand)
It turns out that:
a- one cannot use regular tape on glitter paper. It's hard to wrap presents without tape.
b- (at least if you buy the cheap stuff), the glitter comes off on everything.
c- the back of my car, my suitcase, and several other items of mine will be glittery for the foreseeable future.
posted by MtDewd at 10:42 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Alternatively, you could just eat the 10 lbs of shrimp
This isn't an alternate plan. You have to eat the shrimp to get enough shells and tails to really stuff the curtain rods.
posted by vytae at 10:42 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
This isn't an alternate plan. You have to eat the shrimp to get enough shells and tails to really stuff the curtain rods.
posted by vytae at 10:42 AM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
Strippers refer to glitter as "divorce dust." Or so I hear.
posted by whuppy at 10:44 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by whuppy at 10:44 AM on January 13, 2015 [10 favorites]
If I ever acquiesce to my husband's "let's raise chickens and get a goat" plan, he has you to thank. I love this. I love this. "Glittering the chickens".
Be sure to glitter the goat as well and grow you some of them fancy yarns that are so popular right now.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:47 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
Be sure to glitter the goat as well and grow you some of them fancy yarns that are so popular right now.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:47 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
especially outside the glitter season
I am the father of three- and five-year-old girls. The older one is WAY into arts and crafts; the younger one just wants to do whatever her sister does. There is no such thing as "outside" the "glitter season" - there is only glitter; there is always glitter; there is glitter everywhere and on everything. Glitter is not seasonal, glitter is eternal.
I can see glitter on four different surfaces in my office at work while I type. I work at a gas utility. There is no naturally-occurring glitter at a gas utility - it's all imported from home. If there is not a fleck of glitter on my lower eyelid right now, it is only because tears - tears prompted by this thread and thoughts of the sparkling wasteland that life has become - have washed them, not away, but simply down to my chin, where the minutest of emerging whisker-stubble (I shaved less than five hours ago!) has trapped it. It waits there now to distract my direct-report, who will be coming into my office for her annual review in twenty minutes. Who takes their boss seriously at their annual review when he sits there with his chin twinkling? Who even can listen to a word he has to say?
My wife and I have discussed the predicament. With the nail-polish spills on the floors, we figured we'd just wait until the kids move out and have the floors re-finished. But what's the point, when re-finishing the floors will just disturb the glitter between the floor-boards, so that it can settle on the fresh polish?
I guess the only thing to do is embrace it. I'm going to dump out all my gin and start drinking Goldschlager from now on.
posted by nickmark at 10:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [68 favorites]
I am the father of three- and five-year-old girls. The older one is WAY into arts and crafts; the younger one just wants to do whatever her sister does. There is no such thing as "outside" the "glitter season" - there is only glitter; there is always glitter; there is glitter everywhere and on everything. Glitter is not seasonal, glitter is eternal.
I can see glitter on four different surfaces in my office at work while I type. I work at a gas utility. There is no naturally-occurring glitter at a gas utility - it's all imported from home. If there is not a fleck of glitter on my lower eyelid right now, it is only because tears - tears prompted by this thread and thoughts of the sparkling wasteland that life has become - have washed them, not away, but simply down to my chin, where the minutest of emerging whisker-stubble (I shaved less than five hours ago!) has trapped it. It waits there now to distract my direct-report, who will be coming into my office for her annual review in twenty minutes. Who takes their boss seriously at their annual review when he sits there with his chin twinkling? Who even can listen to a word he has to say?
My wife and I have discussed the predicament. With the nail-polish spills on the floors, we figured we'd just wait until the kids move out and have the floors re-finished. But what's the point, when re-finishing the floors will just disturb the glitter between the floor-boards, so that it can settle on the fresh polish?
I guess the only thing to do is embrace it. I'm going to dump out all my gin and start drinking Goldschlager from now on.
posted by nickmark at 10:51 AM on January 13, 2015 [68 favorites]
I guess a box of glitter is better than Charlie Kelly's wedding present.
posted by lagomorphius at 11:13 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by lagomorphius at 11:13 AM on January 13, 2015
My friends and I used to call glitter raver scabies.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:23 AM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:23 AM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
I shudder to think of anyone applying the "ass pennies" tactic to glitter.
posted by detachd at 11:25 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by detachd at 11:25 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have a coworker who's fond of dumping glitter into any bottle of hand lotion/moisturizer that sits unattended for too long.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 11:28 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by vibratory manner of working at 11:28 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
Not only is it embarrassing, but your enemies will be more visible to radar.
However, you must use great care when engaging with battle lasers.
posted by malocchio at 11:29 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
However, you must use great care when engaging with battle lasers.
posted by malocchio at 11:29 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of glitter is glitter. -- George Orwell, 1984
posted by Western Infidels at 11:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Western Infidels at 11:31 AM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
I never knew a little vengeance, a dash of misanthropy and a lot of sour grapes could inspire all this rage, love and jouissance. Metafilter, I salute you.
posted by nerdfish at 11:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by nerdfish at 11:35 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
And just had a flashback to highschool... anytime you were cleaning up backstage, you'd find little bits of glitter from an ill-advised moment during some show that dumped a metric assload of glitter onto the stage. Rumour had it that this event had been about ten or twelve years previously.
I'd be unsurprised if people were still finding it.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:35 AM on January 13, 2015
I'd be unsurprised if people were still finding it.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:35 AM on January 13, 2015
This has reminded me of this entry from a stage manager's Tumblr.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:39 AM on January 13, 2015
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:39 AM on January 13, 2015
For the record, sticky lint rollers and tape are pretty good at removing stray glitter. Not perfect, but the best removal tool I've found.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:40 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:40 AM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Space Kitten is a grown ass woman who hasn't lived at home in years. Somehow I still manage to find glitter in the house - she must exude it from her pores. Fortunately, it only makes me wistful rather than murderous.
Screw diamonds : glitter is forever.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:41 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Screw diamonds : glitter is forever.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:41 AM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
I once got a bath melt from Lush that smelled delicious, made my skin feel amazing, and was packed with solid gold microglitter. It was in the floorboards until we had the floor refinished, just from what clung to my skin as I got out of the bath.
posted by KathrynT at 12:03 PM on January 13, 2015
posted by KathrynT at 12:03 PM on January 13, 2015
Keep your friends close, and your enemies sparkly.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:07 PM on January 13, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:07 PM on January 13, 2015 [9 favorites]
Whatever you do, don't send them Gary Glitter.
posted by ...possums at 12:08 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ...possums at 12:08 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
OH and I JUST THIS MINUTE realized that my husband washed our daughter's Elsa dress with his bike clothes, because they both call for a gentle cycle and cold water.
He bike-commutes to work.
Oh dear.
posted by KathrynT at 12:14 PM on January 13, 2015 [24 favorites]
He bike-commutes to work.
Oh dear.
posted by KathrynT at 12:14 PM on January 13, 2015 [24 favorites]
I have a coworker who's fond of dumping glitter into any bottle of hand lotion/moisturizer that sits unattended for too long.
wat
posted by chainsofreedom at 12:15 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
wat
posted by chainsofreedom at 12:15 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
One place I worked, one of the guys told me that they used to have a bottle of hand lotion in the men's room but they threw it away because they kept finding it in the stall. I wonder if glitter-bombing the lotion might not have provided an alternate solution.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:19 PM on January 13, 2015 [35 favorites]
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:19 PM on January 13, 2015 [35 favorites]
My fellow Empress, you have brought me to the verge of a very difficult-to-explain-at-work giggle fit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:24 PM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:24 PM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
I wonder if glitter-bombing the lotion might not have provided an alternate solution.
oh god like some kind of banker's dye packet
posted by indubitable at 12:48 PM on January 13, 2015 [15 favorites]
oh god like some kind of banker's dye packet
posted by indubitable at 12:48 PM on January 13, 2015 [15 favorites]
I feel that they're sending the wrong message by including a note telling the person you hate them
Seems to me the "wrong message" being sent is that you care enough to think about them when they aren't there.
The sports analogy for this is SF Giants fans holding up "BEAT LA" signs when their team is not actually playing the Los Angeles Dodgers.
posted by sideshow at 12:52 PM on January 13, 2015
Seems to me the "wrong message" being sent is that you care enough to think about them when they aren't there.
The sports analogy for this is SF Giants fans holding up "BEAT LA" signs when their team is not actually playing the Los Angeles Dodgers.
posted by sideshow at 12:52 PM on January 13, 2015
"Broken glass. It's just like glitter, isn't it?”
― Pete Doherty
posted by BlueHorse at 12:52 PM on January 13, 2015
― Pete Doherty
posted by BlueHorse at 12:52 PM on January 13, 2015
The future is gray goo and glitter.
No, it's much worse than that. The future is gray goo made of glitter.
posted by Pliskie at 12:56 PM on January 13, 2015
No, it's much worse than that. The future is gray goo made of glitter.
posted by Pliskie at 12:56 PM on January 13, 2015
...glooter?
posted by ostranenie at 1:01 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ostranenie at 1:01 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
What about those capsules of glitter that you can guy that makes your poop sparkly? Perhaps you can combine two forms of revenge and send glitterpoop.
posted by LMGM at 1:14 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by LMGM at 1:14 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
what
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:29 PM on January 13, 2015
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:29 PM on January 13, 2015
I mean this is a thing I want just so I can say I'm so gay I poop glitter
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:30 PM on January 13, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:30 PM on January 13, 2015 [12 favorites]
Ha! Reminds me of a friend's spoiled princess of a daughter telling me about her new kitty.
HER special kitty used a "glitter" box.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:33 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
HER special kitty used a "glitter" box.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:33 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Glitter is banned at all the Girl Scout camps I'm familiar with. I presume it was so much of a problem they had to make a Glitter Policy. Little Daisy hearts, breaking...
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:43 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:43 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
One place I worked, one of the guys told me that they used to have a bottle of hand lotion in the men's room but they threw it away because they kept finding it in the stall. I wonder if glitter-bombing the lotion might not have provided an alternate solution.
Next time the lotion shows similar migration patterns, make everyone watch Equus. You watch the audience and spot the offender.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:07 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Next time the lotion shows similar migration patterns, make everyone watch Equus. You watch the audience and spot the offender.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:07 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Once you start looking for glitter, it is everywhere.
I had to talk a lawyer recently for Very Serious and Very Somber Reasons but I kept getting distracted by the single fleck of red and gold glitter on his upper left cheek.
posted by The Whelk at 2:28 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm with all the other glitter lovers, I encourage my kid to put glitter on stuff, and I never mind finding it everywhere. Those people who enjoy sprinkling it through the garden might like to know that sequins, especially little star shaped ones look good on garden paths, too. Magical! I have some cosmetic grade glitter in the cupboard for adding to aloe gel (for sparkly gel!) and moisturiser.
I even love the word glitter, it's a nice and strange sounding word and has been around (although not to describe the modern sparkly stuff) since the 14th century! From Online Etymology:
glitter (v.)
c.1300, glideren (late 14c. as gliteren), from a Scandinavian source such as Old Norse glitra "to glitter," from glit "brightness," from Proto-Germanic *glit- "shining, bright" (cognates: Old English glitenian "to glitter, shine; be distinguished," Old High German glizzan, German glitzern, Gothic glitmunjan), from PIE *ghleid- (cognates: Greek khlidon, khlidos "ornament"), from root *ghel- (2) "to shine," with derivatives referring to bright materials and gold (see glass). Related: Glittered; glittering. The noun is c.1600, from the verb. Glitter rock is from 1972.
posted by mythical anthropomorphic amphibian at 2:47 PM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
I even love the word glitter, it's a nice and strange sounding word and has been around (although not to describe the modern sparkly stuff) since the 14th century! From Online Etymology:
glitter (v.)
c.1300, glideren (late 14c. as gliteren), from a Scandinavian source such as Old Norse glitra "to glitter," from glit "brightness," from Proto-Germanic *glit- "shining, bright" (cognates: Old English glitenian "to glitter, shine; be distinguished," Old High German glizzan, German glitzern, Gothic glitmunjan), from PIE *ghleid- (cognates: Greek khlidon, khlidos "ornament"), from root *ghel- (2) "to shine," with derivatives referring to bright materials and gold (see glass). Related: Glittered; glittering. The noun is c.1600, from the verb. Glitter rock is from 1972.
posted by mythical anthropomorphic amphibian at 2:47 PM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have some cosmetic grade glitter
I read this as "weapons grade"
posted by desjardins at 3:18 PM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
I read this as "weapons grade"
posted by desjardins at 3:18 PM on January 13, 2015 [7 favorites]
Glitter is eternal.
In junior high, a friend's petulant little sister dumped a tube of glitter on his head. His scalp was still occasionally sparkly at graduation.
I wonder how ol' Disco Dandruff's doing these days?
posted by scruss at 3:42 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
In junior high, a friend's petulant little sister dumped a tube of glitter on his head. His scalp was still occasionally sparkly at graduation.
I wonder how ol' Disco Dandruff's doing these days?
posted by scruss at 3:42 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
One place I worked, one of the guys told me that they used to have a bottle of hand lotion in the men's room but they threw it away because they kept finding it in the stall.
WHO THE HELL DOES THIS
work is not arousing, people
posted by Existential Dread at 3:50 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
WHO THE HELL DOES THIS
work is not arousing, people
posted by Existential Dread at 3:50 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
WHO THE HELL DOES THIS
I guess the people who watch the 70% of all porn at work.
posted by jeather at 3:53 PM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
I guess the people who watch the 70% of all porn at work.
posted by jeather at 3:53 PM on January 13, 2015 [5 favorites]
The capsules exist but are expensive.
All I can think of is your poor gastroenterologist, 40 years from now when you get your first colonoscopy. We all know glitter is forever.
posted by vytae at 3:53 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
All I can think of is your poor gastroenterologist, 40 years from now when you get your first colonoscopy. We all know glitter is forever.
posted by vytae at 3:53 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
Freshman year of college I roomed with one of the offensive linemen of the football team. For some reason we all went to this indoor mall (nothing better to do, I guess), and Victoria's Secret had some lotion samples out front. So this giant dude decided to moisturize his giant arms, which were fully exposed by his sleeveless shirt. Which was fine, until we all went outside and were blinded by his completely glitter-covered self in the blistering summer Sacramento sun.
He glittered for most of the next week, I recall, and I think I even saw some glittering when he got some game action that Saturday.
posted by Existential Dread at 3:54 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
He glittered for most of the next week, I recall, and I think I even saw some glittering when he got some game action that Saturday.
posted by Existential Dread at 3:54 PM on January 13, 2015 [4 favorites]
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE THERE IS ONLY GLITTER
-- Sparklehammer 40K
posted by um at 3:58 PM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
-- Sparklehammer 40K
posted by um at 3:58 PM on January 13, 2015 [6 favorites]
He glittered for most of the next week, I recall, and I think I even saw some glittering when he got some game action that Saturday.
So, he turned into Colossus? Sweet.
posted by The Whelk at 4:04 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
So, he turned into Colossus? Sweet.
posted by The Whelk at 4:04 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
We got edible glitter we put on out Christmas cake every year. It's pretty.
posted by clvrmnky at 6:48 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by clvrmnky at 6:48 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Ultimately this idea fails because of the dead kid in Argentina. Shit you might as well be sending asbestos
The kid inhaled powdered copper and zinc straight into his lungs.
She said the glitter included copper and zinc metal particles that, because they were so small, had passed through the boy's lungs and into his blood, poisoning him in the process.
posted by craniac at 7:17 PM on January 13, 2015
The kid inhaled powdered copper and zinc straight into his lungs.
She said the glitter included copper and zinc metal particles that, because they were so small, had passed through the boy's lungs and into his blood, poisoning him in the process.
posted by craniac at 7:17 PM on January 13, 2015
A child in Argentina recently died from glitter inhalation, after spending several weeks in the hospital, some of them in a coma. So, funny, not so much.
Sorry but literally every single thing that exists or has ever existed on this earth has caused somebody to die at some point. Envelopes full of glitter remain funny.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:23 PM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
Sorry but literally every single thing that exists or has ever existed on this earth has caused somebody to die at some point. Envelopes full of glitter remain funny.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:23 PM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
indubitable: "next thing you're going to tell us that it's not normal for adults to have "arch enemies"."
Well, it's a pretty childish concept. When you grow up, you start throwing around the term "arch nemesis."
posted by pwnguin at 8:31 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Well, it's a pretty childish concept. When you grow up, you start throwing around the term "arch nemesis."
posted by pwnguin at 8:31 PM on January 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
He glittered for most of the next week, I recall, and I think I even saw some glittering when he got some game action that Saturday.
So, he turned into Colossus? Sweet
Or, more horrifyingly, Edward Cullen.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:41 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
So, he turned into Colossus? Sweet
Or, more horrifyingly, Edward Cullen.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:41 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Sorry but literally every single thing that exists or has ever existed on this earth has caused somebody to die at some point. Envelopes full of glitter remain funny.
Glittery theatrical and other makeups are made of shredded mylar or suchlike rather than the shredded glass, metal filings, and powdered rat poop that apparently make up craft store glitter. This is so that it doesn't muck up folks' eyes.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:28 PM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
Glittery theatrical and other makeups are made of shredded mylar or suchlike rather than the shredded glass, metal filings, and powdered rat poop that apparently make up craft store glitter. This is so that it doesn't muck up folks' eyes.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:28 PM on January 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
The Washington Post interviewed the site's creator.
“It’s 4.36am here so no shipping yet, however we are filling orders as I type this to you,” Carpenter said via e-mail Tuesday. “The house looks like it’s 1975 and Donna Summer has just hit the stage. ”
Carpenter describes himself as an Internet marketing entrepreneur, and he’s behind a number of other online ventures. He said the idea to send glitter to enemies came to him after years of receiving a Christmas card full of glitter from family friend.
“She sent a reasonable amount,” he said. “My idea came from wanting to send her 10x amount she had sent me over the years.”
So Carpenter sent an A4 envelope full of the sparkly stuff. He is not, he told The Post, expecting a Christmas card back this year. “Happy New Year to her!”
When asked if the company ships internationally (you know, just wondering), Carpenter responded, “Yes we do, unfortunately!”
That website is fucking brilliant, especially the FAQ's.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:59 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
“It’s 4.36am here so no shipping yet, however we are filling orders as I type this to you,” Carpenter said via e-mail Tuesday. “The house looks like it’s 1975 and Donna Summer has just hit the stage. ”
Carpenter describes himself as an Internet marketing entrepreneur, and he’s behind a number of other online ventures. He said the idea to send glitter to enemies came to him after years of receiving a Christmas card full of glitter from family friend.
“She sent a reasonable amount,” he said. “My idea came from wanting to send her 10x amount she had sent me over the years.”
So Carpenter sent an A4 envelope full of the sparkly stuff. He is not, he told The Post, expecting a Christmas card back this year. “Happy New Year to her!”
When asked if the company ships internationally (you know, just wondering), Carpenter responded, “Yes we do, unfortunately!”
That website is fucking brilliant, especially the FAQ's.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:59 PM on January 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Kind of boring, but as I get older, the more and more I realize that the best thing to send to my enemies is my love - it's actually much better medicine than vengeance.
posted by caddis at 4:30 AM on January 14, 2015
posted by caddis at 4:30 AM on January 14, 2015
Ctrl-F "Ellison"
No matches? Really? (Search for "gopher")
posted by Elementary Penguin at 4:33 AM on January 14, 2015
No matches? Really? (Search for "gopher")
posted by Elementary Penguin at 4:33 AM on January 14, 2015
And the dream is already over.
And another sudden Internet company steps up with glitter.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:24 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]
And another sudden Internet company steps up with glitter.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:24 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]
feckless fecal fear mongering: "I mean this is a thing I want just so I can say I'm so gay I poop glitter"
For clients with multiple cats that share litter boxes, when they were trying to determine which cat had GI issues, veterinarians used to recommend feeding the cats separately and adding different colors of glitter to each cat's food. Unfortunately, it turns out that some glitter has surprisingly sharp edges, and can do considerable damage to feline guts. Now they tend to suggest adding crayon shavings, which is also fun, but not nearly as silly.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:45 AM on January 15, 2015 [8 favorites]
For clients with multiple cats that share litter boxes, when they were trying to determine which cat had GI issues, veterinarians used to recommend feeding the cats separately and adding different colors of glitter to each cat's food. Unfortunately, it turns out that some glitter has surprisingly sharp edges, and can do considerable damage to feline guts. Now they tend to suggest adding crayon shavings, which is also fun, but not nearly as silly.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:45 AM on January 15, 2015 [8 favorites]
I feed them Scrabble tiles that spell out their names, in reverse order. If their guts are okay then "ALLEB" comes out "BELLA", but if it comes out "LALEB" or similar, I know something's wrong. It's a very intuitive system, but hard to hide those Scrabble pieces. One of them has got wise and takes a piece from each bowl. I'm like, I don't own a cat named "XERLO", wtf is going on here? (XERLO is a great name for a cat though and I'll probably get one if I can find it)
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:57 PM on January 15, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:57 PM on January 15, 2015 [13 favorites]
Ever since this thread, I have been noticing how many of my friends walk around with small bits of glitter on their faces. Also, at least one piece on the Dean of my law school this morning.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:15 PM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by jacquilynne at 6:15 PM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
A funny story featuring glitter, on reddit:
"Me and my buddy, who makes these kids wings for like fairs and stuff, are getting back from Niagara Falls and had to cross the border from Canada back into the US" . . .
posted by jjj606 at 6:21 PM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Me and my buddy, who makes these kids wings for like fairs and stuff, are getting back from Niagara Falls and had to cross the border from Canada back into the US" . . .
posted by jjj606 at 6:21 PM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]
After making my earlier comment I noticed a piece of glitter on my arm, so I'm pretty sure it's figured out how to travel through the Internet.
posted by um at 7:18 PM on January 15, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by um at 7:18 PM on January 15, 2015 [7 favorites]
Glitter inhabits the aether, the space between spaces.
posted by The Whelk at 7:21 PM on January 15, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 7:21 PM on January 15, 2015 [5 favorites]
After making my earlier comment I noticed a piece of glitter on my arm, so I'm pretty sure it's figured out how to travel through the Internet.
Perhaps I can interest you in my new domain: www.givepeoplemorgellonsthroughtheinternet.com
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:23 PM on January 15, 2015 [7 favorites]
Perhaps I can interest you in my new domain: www.givepeoplemorgellonsthroughtheinternet.com
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:23 PM on January 15, 2015 [7 favorites]
Kind of boring, but as I get older, the more and more I realize that the best thing to send to my enemies is my love - it's actually much better medicine than vengeance.
I'm all in favor of this.
I want to send you my love. My sparkly, shiny, glittering love.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:39 PM on January 15, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm all in favor of this.
I want to send you my love. My sparkly, shiny, glittering love.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:39 PM on January 15, 2015 [2 favorites]
www.givepeoplemorgellonsthroughtheinternet.com
That's pretty much the only way it's transmitted.
posted by zamboni at 6:57 AM on January 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
That's pretty much the only way it's transmitted.
posted by zamboni at 6:57 AM on January 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
I saw CSS live in concert in the 00s. That's when the Glitter made me one of its tribe.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:04 AM on January 17, 2015
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:04 AM on January 17, 2015
He's already at 61k, and the site charges a 10% commission, so he's definitely doing well off this deal.
posted by jeather at 9:14 AM on January 17, 2015
posted by jeather at 9:14 AM on January 17, 2015
Please stop sending us glitterIt could be worse. People could be sending Glitter.
posted by mochapickle at 1:35 PM on January 17, 2015
posted by mochapickle at 1:35 PM on January 17, 2015
I loaned a whitewater kayak to one of my "friends" once. It returned covered in spray glitter. Fun fact about whitewater kayaks - you have to put them on your shoulder pretty often to, say, load them onto your car or take them down to the river. And apparently spray glitter survives submersion pretty well but it's happy to rub off on your shoulder or arm or life jacket. And that was how I managed to have the most glamorous kayaking gear in the world for six months or so.
posted by craven_morhead at 6:04 PM on January 18, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by craven_morhead at 6:04 PM on January 18, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's especially fun when it gets in hair because for some reason little girl hair seems to have magical properties that hold on to glitter even in the face of showers and baths.
Also applies to dog hair. After my middle daughter included a fair serving of glitter in both a card and a present to me on Christmas day, the kids decided the dog needed to get into the Christmas spirit. I'm pretty sure Leo will be sparkly until the day he dies.
posted by dg at 5:38 PM on January 26, 2015
Also applies to dog hair. After my middle daughter included a fair serving of glitter in both a card and a present to me on Christmas day, the kids decided the dog needed to get into the Christmas spirit. I'm pretty sure Leo will be sparkly until the day he dies.
posted by dg at 5:38 PM on January 26, 2015
By accident, he revealed two very clear things to us all: how great the demand for weird, funny startups actually is and how desperate and derivative the online media is these days.
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 5:12 PM on January 27, 2015
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 5:12 PM on January 27, 2015
Well, now I want to ship that guy glitter.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:59 AM on January 28, 2015
posted by Going To Maine at 7:59 AM on January 28, 2015
« Older What defines Dutch cycling? | Time May Change Bowie Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Mizu at 5:13 AM on January 13, 2015 [25 favorites]