End of Empire. End of Days. End of Everything.
January 14, 2015 1:02 PM   Subscribe

Since the controversial 2010 takeover of the British company Cadbury, by the makers of processed cheese slices Kraft, consumers of chocolate have been dismayed at the many changes brought in by the new owners. But the breaking point of many has been reached as the recipe for Cadbury Creme Eggs in the UK is changed, replacing dairy milk chocolate with standard cocoa mix chocolate. To add insult to culinary injury, Mondelez International, owned by Kraft Foods, is also introducing five eggs in a pack instead of three and six-packs. The opinions of actors and wallpaper designers.

The product consists of a thick milk chocolate shell, housing a white and yellow fondant filling which mimics the albumen and yolk of a real egg. Initially sold as Fry's Creme Eggs (incorporating the Fry's brand), they were renamed "Cadbury's Creme Eggs" in 1971.

Wales Online: My stance on Creme Eggs is the same as my stance on the NHS (which I hope will save me when I’ve scoffed too many eggs). I’d rather pay more and be assured of a good service.
Daily Beast: "We’ll be throwing the eggs in the Hudson River."
Today: Available only once a year, candy blogger Cybele May calls the confection 'the harbinger of spring' and says it is "so well loved that people trade sightings of the eggs online as if they were endangered migrating birds."

The change in recipe and reduction in pack size follows several other recent controversies, such as pork DNA being found inside Dairy Milk bars in Malaysia (though possible contamination may have been the cause), a product withdrawal in China, and a boycott by the Methodist Tax Justice Network.

Guardian: There are already two differing Creme Eggs. There is the UK-manufactured flagship, a full 40g of chocolatey egg glory. Then there is its American, dear-god-hide-it-in-the-attic sibling, a wretched creature offering a mere 34g of satisfaction.
Metro: An analysis of the ingredients reveals there is less cocoa – 14 per cent compared with 20 per cent in Dairy Milk. This means it is most likely cheaper to make.
Independent of Ireland: The hashtag #CremeEggGate took hold just days after Cadbury informed its Facebook fans they were "totes emosh" about the egg's return.

Cadbury's Creme Eggs are also a versatile food, being incorporated into Italian, Scottish and American dishes. And, of course, baking and drinks.

Belfast Telegraph: "The Creme Egg has never been called the Cadbury's Dairy Milk Creme Egg. We have never played on the fact that Dairy Milk chocolate was used." Tell that to the Dickensian little boy holding one of the new Creme Eggs in his cupped hands and weeping, Kraft.
Express: The controversial news came almost three months after Cadbury caused upset by declaring that it would not be producing chocolate coins at Christmas. The announcement prompted a flood of unimpressed tweets, with several people suggesting the move meant Christmas should be cancelled.
The Star: While the outburst is directed at the candy’s recipe tweak, much of it is fuelled by bruised nationalist pride sustained from the sale of the centuries-old Cadbury brand to Mondelez four years ago.

Previously on MetaFilter: how the eggs are made, the Cadbury accountant who is a reggae DJ, an Olympic controversy, a machine and Science!

Business Insider: The chocolate used in eggs produced for Americans has been made with powdered milk for quite a while.
Mashable: Customers took to the Cadbury UK Facebook page to complain about the changes with one describing the egg as "cheap tasting chocolate" and others commenting that they wouldn't be buying them again.
Bellingham Herald: "Kraft, American owners of Cadbury, have changed the creme egg chocolate to a standard cocoa mix. These people are destroying our heritage..."

The Western Colonies have yet to apologize to Her Majesty (preference) for this latest culinary insult, though someone in California did write a song. A petition has reached nearly 2,000 signatories: The American owners of Cadbury, Kraft have changed the shell of the creme egg to a standard cocoa mix. The boxes have also been reduced from 6 to 5 and cost just 20p less.
posted by Wordshore (130 comments total) 45 users marked this as a favorite
 
I miss Cadbury Creme Eggs. There was a lady on Etsy who used to sell lovely vegan versions, but the demand got too great and she couldn't keep up so she stopped.

Are Creme Eggs gross? Probably, but they became my favorite Easter candy after I made myself sick as a kid eating an entire bag of bubblegum Easter eggs and ruined the carpet in my parents' house.
posted by Kitteh at 1:09 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ok all I want out of life right now is furious hordes of Brits disguised as Picts throwing crates of creme eggs into the Channel, can I have this please.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:09 PM on January 14, 2015 [38 favorites]


I saw this as a news story yesterday and thought it was interesting. I briefly considered making a post about it, but finally decided I probably couldn't do it justice.

I was right.
posted by Curious Artificer at 1:09 PM on January 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


At least the steadily decreasing portions of chocolate rations aren't accompanied by articles touting the increase in the chocolate rations.
posted by Gelatin at 1:10 PM on January 14, 2015 [15 favorites]


My colleague alerted me to this travesty yesterday. She said "Have you heard about the Creme Eggs??" in the tone you use when breaking a major news story. I was raging - I love me a Creme Egg, and I have feared the Americans messing with our chocolate ever since the takeover. We went out at lunchtime and bought some, purely for research purposes. Happily we both agreed there was no change, and yet we also worried that we were eating the end of an older batch. Who knows when the day will come when we peel the shiny purple paper from an egg and discover the horror of a non-Dairy Milk shell? Every purchase will now be tinged with dread rather than excitement. Like Russian roulette but with fondant-filled chocolate. It's a sad day, my friends. A sad day.
posted by billiebee at 1:11 PM on January 14, 2015 [23 favorites]


Heh, great post. I saw this on cracked.com and wondered if it would make it here.
posted by Melismata at 1:11 PM on January 14, 2015


Guardian: There are already two differing Creme Eggs. There is the UK-manufactured flagship, a full 40g of chocolatey egg glory. Then there is its American, dear-god-hide-it-in-the-attic sibling, a wretched creature offering a mere 34g of satisfaction.

I've always thought Creme Eggs were terrible abominations, but maybe that's because I've only ever had the American version. Were the UK ones actually tasty?
posted by cosmic.osmo at 1:12 PM on January 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


Then there is its American, dear-god-hide-it-in-the-attic sibling, a wretched creature offering a mere 34g of satisfaction.

They still have the same terrible sugar goo in the middle, right? Get a Flake bar instead.
posted by demiurge at 1:13 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


No, curly wurlys dipped in your tea, come on.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:13 PM on January 14, 2015 [5 favorites]




I happen to have a box of American creme eggs in the fridge. I am now going to eat one, for science.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:15 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


I _think_ but am not certain that Americans could get the dairy milk chocolate creme eggs in the little twelve pack jelly-bean scale boxes. At least the chocolate seemed better than the usual full size ones we get by the thousands here around easter.

damn, now I want a creme egg.
posted by Kyol at 1:23 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've never liked Cadbury's Creme Eggs and I'm not overly keen on bog standard British chocolate generally favour posh Green and Blacks type of stuff... that'll probably get me in some sort of correction camp when UKIP take over. (Whisper it quiet but those evil Europeans once tired to make us stop calling it chocolate because it was so crap - and vegie fat laden - compared to the stuff on the continent)

Then again I had my first try of Hersey's chocolate earlier in the year... god, it was utterly foul, I've no idea how you Americans can eat that
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:23 PM on January 14, 2015 [9 favorites]


We feed it to children so they know there is nothing good in the world.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:25 PM on January 14, 2015 [43 favorites]


I've always thought Creme Eggs were terrible abominations, but maybe that's because I've only ever had the American version. Were the UK ones actually tasty?

Chocolate is far superior in general in the UK but unless it was specifically the chocolate quality that put you off, then no.

(It's the mucous-like filling that puts me off, personally)
posted by triggerfinger at 1:27 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Then again I had my first try of Hersey's chocolate earlier in the year... god, it was utterly foul, I've no idea how you Americans can eat that

I concur with your analysis. I did not even finish a sole portion, my immediate reaction being "Why am I munching on a bar of sugar?"
posted by Wordshore at 1:28 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


We feed it to children so they know there is nothing good in the world.

See also Dairylea Triangles.
posted by sobarel at 1:30 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have taken to eating Caramilk eggs instead as I find the centre is tastier. Peanut butter eggs, though in theory even superior, have an incorrect chocolate:peanut butter ratio so I stick to cups.
posted by jeather at 1:31 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


The stuff that Hershey's et al is made of? I wouldn't use it in dog treats. Terrible. This is not to say that there isn't a whole lot of real chocolate to be had in the US.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 1:36 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


#FirstWorldProblems
posted by republican at 1:37 PM on January 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


Long-term former employees were given a gift of chocolates at Christmas. Not much, admittedly, but a small recognition of their years of service. Up to 14,000 would get these parcels.
Mondelez scrapped the gifts, claiming it needed the money to help plug the company's pension black hole.


Welcome to America, mates.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:38 PM on January 14, 2015 [8 favorites]


A good picture, and a link, to a Gizmodo article.
posted by Wordshore at 1:40 PM on January 14, 2015


Peanut butter eggs, though in theory even superior, have an incorrect chocolate:peanut butter ratio so I stick to cups.

THIS. The ratio is so important. I find that the mini peanut butter cups are perfect, and as a result there is a permanent ban on them in my house, because if there is a bag I will eat them all in one sitting.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:44 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


British chocolate -- the Eggs, the Flake, all that -- should be thrown in the Atlantic. Then someone from the continent can be brought over to explain what chocolate is supposed to taste like.
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 1:44 PM on January 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


You think the outrage is bad now, just wait for Cadbury Creme Balut.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:46 PM on January 14, 2015 [32 favorites]


there is a permanent ban on them in my house

You can store them at my house, though I prefer the medium/Halloween size cups.
posted by jeather at 1:48 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


To be frank, discussing what's happened to the chocolate coating on a Creme Egg is a bit like a U Boat commander complaining that the depth charges which have just blown in his hull were painted the wrong shade of grey. These things are weaponized pancreatic burnout.

For the calorie-conscious, you can either eat a single UK Cadbury's Creme Egg or neck three shots of vodka - 170 kilocals either way. But only one will not taste as if a diabetic walrus has just [SIMILE INADMISSIBLE]

No, not a fan.
posted by Devonian at 1:50 PM on January 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


The American chocolate industry. Yeesh. The same people who tried to lobby the FDA to redefine "chocolate", so that they could call reconstructed chocolate flavored stuff chocolate instead of "chocolatey" or "chocolate flavored".

"Lets make it hard for a consumer to tell the difference between something great, and something nasty" is literally what people in chocolate companies are thinking to themselves. "Now lets pretend there's no difference" they sussurate to each other in humming chocolatey scented corridors. Hypocritically, they snort raw cacao powder at home from the inner thigh of their freshly waxed aux pairs.
posted by tychotesla at 1:54 PM on January 14, 2015 [28 favorites]


British chocolate -- the Eggs, the Flake, all that -- should be thrown in the Atlantic.

No.
posted by Wordshore at 1:55 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


All I said was that this Curly Wurly was good enough for Jehovah.
posted by sobarel at 1:56 PM on January 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


Well, clearly, this is going to be a serious blow to the creme industry.
posted by dhartung at 1:59 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


you can either eat a single UK Cadbury's Creme Egg or neck three shots of vodka

what is this "either" of which you speak
posted by billiebee at 2:00 PM on January 14, 2015 [36 favorites]


I like the look/concept of the creme egg, but have always found the filling to be a nasty, sugar chemical mess. It looks so unctuous and milky but tastes like hair conditioner. Surely there's a better alternative out there?
posted by sektah at 2:03 PM on January 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


I gave up on Cadbury's when they took the Salmonella out.
posted by srboisvert at 2:03 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


This post is magnificent.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:15 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


mmmmmmm.....weaponized pancreatic burnout.

PS FUCK THIS SHIT I LOVE REAL CREME EGGS WHY MUST CAPITALISM DESTROY EVERYTHING GOOD AND UNHOLY AND DIABETUS CAUSING IN THE WORLD.
posted by lalochezia at 2:16 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


From a gothamist commenter:

"Due to our desire for more profit, we are replacing some of our ingredients with cheaper alternatives, as well as providing less overall product for the same cost."

That would actually be less offensive to a customer than "The Creme Egg has never been called the Cadbury's Dairy Milk Creme Egg. We have never played on the fact that Dairy Milk chocolate was used." I mean, who thought that customers would accept a pedantic response to their complaints about a worse product?

"The Creme Egg has never been called the Not Made of Dog Shit Cadbury Milk Creme Egg. We have never played on the fact that dog shit will not be used."
posted by lalochezia at 2:16 PM on January 14, 2015 [42 favorites]


Mondelez scrapped the gifts, claiming it needed the money to help plug the company's pension black hole.

FYI "pension black holes" are generally wall street bullshit, so Brits should go all Charlie Bucket and nationalize the damn factories
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:17 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


The stuff that Hershey's et al is made of? I wouldn't use it in dog treats.

Please don't; chocolate is toxic to dogs.
posted by JHarris at 2:22 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


My sister-in-law was just complaining that they had also taken the middle out of the Chocolate Orange. That was the best bit, she said.
posted by Thing at 2:24 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm still pissed aboutwhat Unilever did to Bryer's ice cream. It used to have only cream, milk, sugar, etc. Now all of their flavors are loaded with artificial gums and crap. Many of their products are now labeled as "frozen desert" instead of "ice cream". All served with a generous side of bullshit about enhanced customer experience.

Fucking Frankenfood. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.
posted by double block and bleed at 2:26 PM on January 14, 2015 [30 favorites]


My sister-in-law was just complaining that they had also taken the middle out of the Chocolate Orange. That was the best bit, she said.

What?!? This is an outrage.
posted by fshgrl at 2:31 PM on January 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


The Swiss and Belgians still make the best chocolate, imo. Cadbury's has never really impressed me (the texture is always a bit gritty).
posted by longdaysjourney at 2:37 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


My sister-in-law was just complaining that they had also taken the middle out of the Chocolate Orange. That was the best bit, she said.

I haven't had a Chocolate Orange in a long time, but I feel a part of my world just died. Tell me it's not true.
posted by grahamparks at 2:37 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


In Australia these are available everywhere you go whenever you want, and are made with Dairy Milk, and are okay, but don't come close to Caramello Eggs.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:40 PM on January 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


> Brits should go all Charlie Bucket and nationalize the damn factories

Hate to disappoint you, but much of the UK's chocolate isn't made there any more. A lot of the flagship Mondelez stuff is Polish. That's not in itself a bad thing, as Poland can make a pretty fine confection (Wawel Michałki Białe, om nom nom), and they've got the dairy and quality control too.

Back when I "did" chocolate, the preferred way to eat a creme egg was to nibble a small hole in the big end, cover it with your finger, bite a larger hole in the other, and shotgun the fondant in one long loud disgusting/lovely slurp.
posted by scruss at 2:41 PM on January 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


Wagon Wheels were definitely bigger when I was a kid (I'm having none of that small hands nonsense)

Also Weetabix changed the recipe of Ready Brek a few years back taking one of the very few pleasures of a British winter and turning it into a hideous inedible gruel
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:42 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hersheys is made with off milk which is why it tastes like baby vomit. True fact.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:42 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


In Australia these are available everywhere you go whenever you want, and are made with Dairy Milk, and are okay

yeah but spiders though.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:44 PM on January 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


Dairy Milk is great when you want to eat a kilogram of something. But if it's chocolate you're after, look elsewhere.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:45 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Hersheys is made with off milk which is why it tastes like baby vomit.

Maybe they could just cut to the chase and use posset instead? There is, after all, an endless supply of that stuff.
posted by Thing at 2:45 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've had some truly awful Swiss and Belgian chocolate. They're as capable of making cheap, mealy-textured pseudo-chocolate as anyone else.

But once you get past the cheap crap, there's no point in arguing over which type of chocolate is best. Personally, I find anything that goes above 40% cocoa solids gives me instant heartburn. And while my wife appreciates the decent stuff (Lindt, Godiva etc.), Cadbury's is where it's at when there's a need to watch crappy TV and shovel in alternate handfuls of chocolate and ready salted crisps.

That Hershey's stuff though (which is springing up everywhere in the UK now) - is one of the main ingredients stale Parmigiano-Reggiano by any chance?
posted by pipeski at 2:46 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


when you want to eat a kilogram of something

Ah, the metric munchies.
posted by sobarel at 2:47 PM on January 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


yeah but spiders though.

Chocolate spiders are deliciously stabby!
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:47 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Aha! Off milk. I wasn't wrong. I hereby name this class of chocolate 'Chococheese'.
posted by pipeski at 2:47 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Digression: the makers of processed cheese slices Kraft,

Canadians of certain age will recall the intermission of Saturday Night Hockey broadcasts featuring a dark velveeta voice narrating casserole recipes...
posted by ovvl at 3:00 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Off milk? I had assumed there was as much milk in Hershey's as there is in Velveeta.
posted by allthinky at 3:03 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Obligatory XKCD

Sometimes that last panel is my life.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 3:03 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


Okay, I will tie this in to the widening class gaps of the world.

It is a damn shame that the "middle class" brands of chocolate are being hollowed out. I've definitely eaten my share of awful dollar store off-brand "chocolate", and more than my share of expensive super-premium chocolate, and a decent amount of Hershey's... let's say upper-working/lower-middle class stuff. But THE MIDDLING SORTS DESERVE A REASONABLY PRICED, GOOD-QUALITY CHOCOLATE.

Good day, sir.
posted by Hypatia at 3:04 PM on January 14, 2015 [8 favorites]


Deliberately reducing the quality of chocolate in a shameless attempt to cut expense and boost shareholder profits? It's like they want the U.K. to churn out jaded, insolent adults and children even faster.
posted by IShouldBeStudyingRightNow at 3:04 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


double block and bleed, the thing with Breyer's ice cream is that they are putting all these mix-ins in it lately. I've noticed that the "frozen dessert" ones tend to be the ones with mix-ins - so my theory is that they have too many mix-ins, not enough ice cream, so it doesn't qualify to be labeled "ice cream." I also think the ingredient lists are reflecting the content of the mix-ins, and the ice cream itself doesn't have all the crappy ingredients. Still, I know what you mean.
posted by litlnemo at 3:04 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Many of the Cadbury's Dairy Milk bars sold in US stores were made by Hershey under license. They don't taste like a proper Dairy Milk at all. The eggs suffered the same fate.
posted by fgdmorr at 3:04 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Guardian: There are already two differing Creme Eggs. There is the UK-manufactured flagship, a full 40g of chocolatey egg glory. Then there is its American, dear-god-hide-it-in-the-attic sibling, a wretched creature offering a mere 34g of satisfaction.

Which is to say there is the Creme Egg and something else that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike the Creme Egg.
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:07 PM on January 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


what Unilever did to Bryer's ice cream

Huh, I was wondering about that. I thought I was misremembering that Breyer's used to be actually fairly good for ice cream sold in half-gallons at the A&P. It was an nice treat compared to the generic frozen neapolitan brick.
posted by smidgen at 3:16 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Chocolate may be toxic for dogs, but dogs aren't toxic to chocolate.
posted by Devonian at 3:20 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Available only once a year, candy blogger Cybele May calls the confection 'the harbinger of spring' and says it is "so well loved that people trade sightings of the eggs online as if they were endangered migrating birds."

Not much of a candy blogger if she can't figure out how to find a regular supply Creme Eggs. I guess that's why she's only available once a year.
posted by The Bellman at 3:21 PM on January 14, 2015 [8 favorites]


litlnemo: "double block and bleed, the thing with Breyer's ice cream is that they are putting all these mix-ins in it lately. I've noticed that the "frozen dessert" ones tend to be the ones with mix-ins - so my theory is that they have too many mix-ins, not enough ice cream, so it doesn't qualify to be labeled "ice cream." I also think the ingredient lists are reflecting the content of the mix-ins, and the ice cream itself doesn't have all the crappy ingredients. Still, I know what you mean."

If you look at plain old vanilla or strawberry, you'll find that they too are now loaded down with preservatives and mouthfeel enhancers. Blech.

I bought Breyer's once every week or so for 20 or 25 years. Now I don't buy any. They lost a loyal customer. I wonder how they plan to make more profit from me when I won't buy their crap anymore. That's just one of many fine American products sacrificed on the altar of the Wall Street blood god.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:26 PM on January 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


Aw, seriously, they ruined the plain flavors? Well, that sucks. But at least those are still called "ice cream" on the package and therefore have enough milkfat to qualify... aren't they? Last time I looked I could swear that was the case.
posted by litlnemo at 3:30 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I used to love Cadbury Creme Eggs until I saw somebody here liken the filling to hobo ejaculate and I have never forgotten it and now you won't either
posted by changeling at 3:33 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


A lot of the flagship Mondelez stuff is Polish.

Surely they've kept Toblerone production in Switzerland, though; I mean, they must have, right?

Also, is Daim still made in Sweden?
posted by acb at 3:34 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


(. . . link is to comment, not hobo ejaculate)
posted by changeling at 3:34 PM on January 14, 2015 [21 favorites]


a wretched creature offering [...] satisfaction.

My new motto
posted by wallabear at 3:38 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


"The Creme Egg has never been called the Cadbury's Dairy Milk Creme Egg."

Ovolactia has always been at war with Eurasia.

THE MIDDLING SORTS DESERVE A REASONABLY PRICED, GOOD-QUALITY CHOCOLATE.

Ritter Sport, reasonable price and punches above its weight class, so to speak.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:38 PM on January 14, 2015 [14 favorites]


Also: is the core concept of Creme Eggs covered by any intellectual-property protection other than the trademark and trade dress of the title/packaging? Because if not, surely the time is right for someone to start making posh artisanal Creme Eggs, made of the finest ingredients and packaged in a hipster-authentic, vaguely Victorianesque fashion (call it something like “Mr. Fotheringham's Old-Style Proper Chocky Egg” or something, with the packaging being a tasteful sepia; bonus points for any stylised moustaches or penny farthings in the artwork). It'd be about 20% bigger than an old-school Cadbury's Creme Egg, available in all sorts of old-fashioned flavours, and would cost three times as much.
posted by acb at 3:39 PM on January 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


The Swiss and Belgians still make the best chocolate, imo.

They used to, anyway. I had a Lindt milk chocolate bar the other day, and it tasted like solidified vegetable oil.

In general, mass produced chocolate has gone to the dogs.
posted by monospace at 3:40 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ritter Sport, reasonable price and punches above its weight class, so to speak.


+1 for this. Or, on a budget, Lidl's premium chocolate is quite decent; the dark chocolate mousse fingers, in particular.

In my experience, the German-speaking world can generally be trusted with chocolate and marzipan. And gingerbread as well.
posted by acb at 3:41 PM on January 14, 2015 [5 favorites]


Since I'm already on a rant, I hate that all of the supposedly higher-quality chocolates available to me in midwest America are all dark chocolate. I hate dark chocolate. It's like eating unsweetened baker's chocolate.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:51 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


My sister-in-law was just complaining that they had also taken the middle out of the Chocolate Orange. That was the best bit, she said.

I haven't had a Chocolate Orange in a long time, but I feel a part of my world just died. Tell me it's not true.


It's not true. My sister gave me one in my stocking for Christmas, and that lovely little cylinder of orange chocolate was intact until I got it in my gob. (Canada, though, so who knows.)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:51 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


OH RITTER YES

protip for Torontonians: Ritter is cheap at Domino's at the St Lawrence Market.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:52 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


It'd be about 20% bigger than an old-school Cadbury's Creme Egg, available in all sorts of old-fashioned flavours, and would cost three times as much.

i will fund this kickstarter and tell all my friends, do the thing do it.
posted by poffin boffin at 3:55 PM on January 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


The thing has already been done.
posted by Devonian at 4:09 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


Kraft ruins everything. Does anyone remember how good Peak Freans used to be?
posted by Calzephyr at 4:19 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


re the Breyers derail -- my work used to do their prepress prior to the Unilever buyout. Check the ingredient decs and legal product descriptor. Anything which is not ice cream is labeled "FROZEN DAIRY DESSERT" in the US and probably has corn syrup as the 2nd or 3rd ingredient. Most of their plain stuff does legally qualify as ice cream but that doesn't mean it's tasty.

Buy small brands or something like Haagen-Dazs which is still made milk, eggs and sugar.
posted by nathan_teske at 4:21 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


This is manufactured outrage. Who are you people that can finish a Cadbury Creme Egg? The Steel-Plated Stomach Society? I loves me some sweet, don't get me wrong; my spare tire is testament to the amount of sweets and candies I consume on a daily basis. But those Cadbury eggs must contain sugarSquared or something. Their sweetness is beyond the normal amount of sweet by orders of magnitude.
posted by zardoz at 4:40 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Brits have been able to get creme egg filling bars for the last several years.

So....other countries have the urban legend of spider eggs in candy? In the 70s in the US it was supposed to be Bubble Yum gum.
posted by brujita at 4:53 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Does anyone remember how good Peak Freans used to be?
Peak Frean & Co - 1906, from dough to packaging. They don't make biscuits like that any more.
posted by unliteral at 4:55 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


No, the food terrors these days are unusually virile priapic squid.
posted by poffin boffin at 5:03 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Peak Frean was reached in 1906; it has been all downhill since then.
posted by acb at 5:05 PM on January 14, 2015 [9 favorites]


Almost half a decade ago, I worked a legal publishing company here in the US. As the result of a merger, we found ourselves at the mercy the executives of a large European news agency based in London. Instead of the benign management of our previous Canadian ownership, the new overlords were the worst sort of robber barons imaginable. They went about canceling bonuses, laying off hundreds upon hundreds of employees, relegating jobs to Mumbai and Manila, and of course cancelling Christmas parties (while throwing a lavish one in London). Absolute heartless fuckers.

So I see this as an American payback. You want to weep about your chocolate eggs, tell it to Reuters.
posted by Ber at 5:06 PM on January 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


Ive always hated Cadbury creme eggs...but loved the hard shell mini eggs that come in the glorious purple package.

I believe the existence of the Christmas version, balls, not eggs, but the same amazeballs crunchy deliciousness, corresponds with the Kraft take over (and they make white now! and dark!). If Kraft keeps delivering more availability for the best candy known to man, then Im all for this reverse-colonization, and you Brits can choke on all the bastardized American creme eggs you want, while I revel in sweet, year round, crunchy shelled bliss.
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:23 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Who are you people that can finish a Cadbury Creme Egg?

Not for the first time this week, I refer to my Bournville childhood. Growing up we went to a church populated almost exclusively by second world war refugees, and as my parents were second world war babies, that left my family as almost the only young people there. And as nearly everyone worked at the Cadbury factory, we were given a superabundance of Creme eggs for Easter, which we couldn't eat until the day. But when the day came, we indulged. So even now, my default position with a Creme egg is to put it in whole because, hey, there's another one to follow, right?
posted by ambrosen at 5:30 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


I've only ever had creme eggs in Canada and never liked them. I'd have one every year as a kid, usually over multiple sittings, and the one would be more than enough. I don't know if our eggs are like the British ones or the supposedly inferior American ones but they were not very good. I've had some other kind of chocolate egg, either a Caramilk or Mars (one or both of these may not actually exist, but it was that kind of egg) and it was much better than the creme egg.

Popping mini eggs are great however. The only problem is that they are so damn expensive for what they are.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 5:34 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


In Canada we have Laura Secord Easter Eggs, which comes in a 300 g size.

Cadbury's eggs are amateur hour as far as death by sugar eggs goes.
posted by fimbulvetr at 5:40 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Nowadays I prefer the hard shelled mini eggs, which, when the season comes, are available in 4 different sizes in my lunchtime Tesco Express, all small enough to eat within an afternoon, and with a changing variety of multibuys to make calculating the best value egg purchase more complex than can be reckoned in a supermarket aisle, but the safe rule to bet on is that the largest packet isn't the one that gives you most for your money.

Even before multibuys, the smaller packets will be better value, although during the 12 week selling season, there will be 4 price changes, so (small) woe betide anyone who blindly calculates the best mini egg value for their need and keeps buying that combo throughout the purchasing season. They'll get you that way.
posted by ambrosen at 5:44 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Back atcha, Ber. Company I worked for in the UK got bought in a series of LBOs and the ultimate parent VC fund in NY then saddled us with All The Debt. A profitable, fun, generous outfit doing work we were all proud of and that really did own the market was crippled overnight, and last time I looked the 40+ team I started out with is now down to 6, including the rump of about four other teams.

Other factors, of course, but none as huge as being used as a financial midden in the name of synthetic returns for some bastard's willy-waving exit strategy.

So yeah, those eggs turn to ashes in the mouth for all of us.

And now back to our advertised chocolate.
posted by Devonian at 6:01 PM on January 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


Canada has Laura Secord sweets; the US had Dolly( the spelling of her name varies) Madison.
posted by brujita at 6:11 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


In general, mass produced chocolate has gone to the dogs.

Oh god we literally just talked about this! Stop feeding chocolate to your dogs! And while you're at it, stop eating the special fake chocolate dog treats!
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:29 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I've been known to enjoy the odd creme, mini, or caramel egg, but Allfather's coconut cream eggs are where Easter ovum simulacrum confection action is at. They come in pounds.
posted by mollweide at 6:52 PM on January 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I've been known to break down and have one of the chocolate-chocolate eggs when they appear in Wegmans (around Easter, usually), but I agree that even for a chocoholic such as myself, the sugar explosion is pretty extreme.

Hershey's: milk is tasteless (but then, one of my English cousins loves it--I'll have to pack a box for her when I visit in the Spring), Special Dark is not bad at all, M&M is just overkill.
posted by thomas j wise at 6:58 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Agree with all the Ritter comments - amazingly good chocolate for the price.
posted by longdaysjourney at 7:03 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


yeah but spiders though.

Yes. Spiders. But being in Australia means that you have access to chocolate dropbears, still made with Dairy Milk, no less.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:37 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I still lie awake nights longing for Callard & Bowser Butterscotch. Sigh.
posted by kinnakeet at 9:37 PM on January 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm fairly sure that growing up in NZ, which has its own Cadbury's factory, our Creme eggs had actual caramel in place of the yellow fondant, which made it worth digging through the white fondant to get to the messy centre.

They stopped doing that a number of years ago when the factory was "upgraded" and a lot of products were imported instead. Creme eggs have gone steadily downhill ever since.
posted by tracicle at 10:43 PM on January 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Is this just my memory going or did they change the fondant a few years ago as well? I remember the Creme Eggs of my childhood having smooth fondant almost the texture of real egg yolk, but now it's kind of dry and chalky (these are Australian Creme Eggs, which might possibly be different again to the UK/US species).
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 1:07 AM on January 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


A letter to The Telegraph

SIR – Changing the Creme Egg recipe is an outrageous attack on the nation’s cultural heritage that must not be tolerated. Though I have never supported socialism, if Mr Miliband were to pledge to nationalise Cadbury’s, I would have to give serious consideration to voting for him.
Dr Bertie Dockerill
Shildon, County Durham

posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:35 AM on January 15, 2015 [4 favorites]


tracicle, Cadbury's make a caramel egg in the UK, based on the corresponding chocolate bar - although the UK one was just caramel all the way through. There was also a mint one.
posted by pipeski at 2:42 AM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


Put down the Cadbury's Creme eggs. It's all about the MaltEaster Mini Bunnies.
posted by Summer at 4:40 AM on January 15, 2015 [3 favorites]


I have it on good authority that the destruction of the Cadbury Creme Egg is actually part of a covert plan to seize control of Easter on the part of a worldwide cabal of terrorists.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:04 AM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


Not for the first time this week, I refer to my Bournville childhood. Growing up we went to a church populated almost exclusively by second world war refugees, and as my parents were second world war babies, that left my family as almost the only young people there. And as nearly everyone worked at the Cadbury factory, we were given a superabundance of Creme eggs for Easter, which we couldn't eat until the day. But when the day came, we indulged. So even now, my default position with a Creme egg is to put it in whole because, hey, there's another one to follow, right?

On of the stranger things I experienced during my seven years in Birmingham was the strong local defense of pre-Kraft Cadbury's management following their completely deliberate decision to knowingly poison people with Salmonella where they were only caught epidemiologically after doing it for months. That is the kind of feudal loyalty that gobs of chocolate buys - I will let you try and kill people if I get my chocolate.
posted by srboisvert at 5:49 AM on January 15, 2015 [5 favorites]


It's an awkward time to be an American in England, and I say that as someone who lived here during the Bush presidency.
posted by Optamystic at 6:05 AM on January 15, 2015 [5 favorites]


"Kraft ruins everything. Does anyone remember how good Peak Freans used to be?
posted by Calzephyr at 4:19 PM on January 14 "

To say nothing about what they did to Stoned Wheat Thins.
posted by Pablo MacWilliams at 6:57 AM on January 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


It's all about the MaltEaster Mini Bunnies.

omg Maltesers
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:26 AM on January 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ritter Sport, reasonable price and punches above its weight class, so to speak.

Until they get popular enough to get bought by a multinational.
posted by rhizome at 10:16 AM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


The secret ingredient in ritter sport alpine milk is hazelnut paste.

oh and by hazelnut paste i mean MELT IN YOUR MOUTH CRACK SQUARES

Warning: Link to ritter shop online may be hazardous for your bloood shuggggggggaaaaaaaagagagagagagagagaaahahhwwwuueeeeeeeeeee
posted by lalochezia at 3:59 PM on January 15, 2015 [3 favorites]


But being in Australia means that you have access to chocolate dropbears, still made with Dairy Milk, no less.

Aside: does anybody remember when chocolate Easter Bunnies in Australia were replaced with Easter Bilbies (a native marsupial with workably rabbitlike ears)? Is this still the state of play in Australia around Easter, or are the aisles of Coles/Safeway in Abbott-era Australia full of Anglo-American-style Easter Bunnies because anti-political-correctness-culture-war or something?
posted by acb at 4:56 PM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


WIKI The first Chocolate Easter Bilbies were sold at the Warrawong Sanctuary when it was owned by John Wamsley.
Bilby manufactures that donate towards Bilby conservation include Pink Lady and Haigh’s Chocolates. Cadbury's also produce Chocolate Bilbies, although they do not donate or support any bilby conservation projects.
posted by unliteral at 5:57 PM on January 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


Apparently there won't be a recipe change in Canada. Although it isn't clear if our recipe and the UK's were the same to begin with.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:36 PM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Imagine a boot made of fondant stamping on a chocolate egg, forever!
posted by blue_beetle at 5:34 AM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


There might be something to this hypothesis, that it's a marketing stunt, although I think that the cost savings from moving from liquid condensed milk to powdered milk, and to a lower cocoa and milk solids content would be very significant. Easily a 25% saving on ingredients, as a personal wild-ass guess.
posted by ambrosen at 11:52 AM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Daily Telegraph:

Petitions have been signed (over 2,000 signatures so far), protest songs have been penned and broadcast on YouTube - “Why do you have to go and change? Don’t tell me they taste the same” - and commentators have joked about raising an army and invading America. At least, I think they are joking ...

... The US owner, now called Mondelez – the confectionery business of Kraft was split off into a separate company in 2012 -- has tinkered with products. At Christmas it stopped making chocolate coins and many cried foul when it rounded the corners on the chunks of Dairy Milk, sneakily trimming the pack size (but not the price) of the chocolate bar.

posted by Wordshore at 1:05 PM on January 22, 2015


I just saw some eggs (both the Cadbury Cream and Mars and Rolo versions) in a convenience store and what bugged the everlasting fuck out of me was the new packaging: hard plastic shells.

Come the fuck on, asshats. Do we need more stupid coffee pods choking landfills?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:23 PM on January 22, 2015


And it gets worse. American big business is stopping Americans from obtaining "the good stuff".
posted by Wordshore at 12:55 PM on January 24, 2015


"Hershey’s is looking to stop the sale of all Cadbury’s chocolate and the other bars in the United States."

WHY IS THIS NOT FRONT PAGE NEWS????
posted by kinetic at 5:02 AM on January 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


And it gets just plain weird.
posted by Wordshore at 3:48 PM on January 25, 2015


what
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:09 PM on January 25, 2015


Sorry Americans, you'll no longer get British Cadburys
There Will No Longer Be Real Cadbury's in the US (Peregrine Pickle's FP post, deleted by taz)

though I personally don't think the post should have been deleted given it deals with a related but different topic. As a Brit who lived in NYC for a while, being able to buy Cadbury's while living there was a big deal. I think its a real shame its going to stop
posted by 13twelve at 1:39 AM on January 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


Hershey got itself into a real licensing mess decades ago when it licensed a few Rowntree products (like Kit-Kat) and a few Cadbury ones. Now that Rowntree→Nestlé and Cadbury→Mondelez, the IP licensing would have got very heavy to stay as it was.
posted by scruss at 4:45 AM on January 26, 2015


The vomit taste of American chocolate is apparently deliberate, though also cheaper:

make than other types of chocolate as it is less sensitive to the freshness of the milk. The process was developed by Milton Hershey and was the first mass-produced chocolate in the United States. As a result, the Hershey flavor is widely recognized in the United States, but less so internationally, in particular in areas where European chocolates are more widely available. The process is a trade secret, but experts speculate that the milk is partially lipolyzed, producing butyric acid, which stabilizes the milk from further fermentation. This compound gives the product a particular sour, "tangy" taste, to which the US public has become accustomed, to the point that other manufacturers often add butyric acid to their milk chocolates.
posted by Artw at 4:47 AM on January 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


it smells like doody and that's not okay
posted by poffin boffin at 6:37 AM on January 26, 2015


Huh, so that's what Monte Cazazza is up to these days.
posted by rhizome at 9:24 AM on January 26, 2015


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