You can never have too many hockey sticks.

January 22, 2015 1:07 PM

Yes, it is that time of year again. Prepare your senses for the wonder and spectacle that is the 2015 Miss Universe National Costume Competition. Do this years entries live up to the understated subtlety of their predecessors? Has the bar for taste and refined class once again been raised? Are there any giant robots, aliens, or costumes thrown together at the last minute with materials bought at Target? Let's find out!
posted by Justinian (165 comments total)

Miss Canada understands on a deep level what this competition is about.
posted by The Whelk at 1:08 PM on January 22, 2015 [30 favorites]

A bigger image of Miss Canada's glory and splendour.
posted by Justinian at 1:08 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Other people realize that time seems to pass more quickly with age because they are watching their children go up. For me, it's the frequency of gawking at ridiculous attempts to interpret national costume in a beauty contest.

(Seriously though, didn't we just do this?)
posted by ocherdraco at 1:09 PM on January 22, 2015 [5 favorites]

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
posted by poffin boffin at 1:10 PM on January 22, 2015 [18 favorites]

I feel like Miss Great Britain forgot the bottom half of her costume.
posted by Justinian at 1:11 PM on January 22, 2015 [9 favorites]

I was mostly unimpressed by everyone not canada until I got to el salvador and now my faith in the universe has been restored
posted by poffin boffin at 1:12 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh Dominican Republic. Never go full Virgin Mary wearing Virgin Mary.
posted by mcstayinskool at 1:12 PM on January 22, 2015 [9 favorites]

Oh, the Daily Mail has a lot of these in higher resolution if that's what you are into. And who isn't?

Actually some of the costumes on the Daily Mail page are not on ONTD and vice versa. So y'all will have to look at them twice!

For example, Miss Japan is a Sexy Samurai.
posted by Justinian at 1:13 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Can someone explain Germany? WHy isn't she just wearing die mannschaft kit?
posted by poffin boffin at 1:14 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

oh miss portugal i must say i am not at all sure about wearing a costume more suited to your ex colony
posted by poffin boffin at 1:18 PM on January 22, 2015

also i hope they track down the criminal who stole miss lithuania's costume just moments before she had to appear on stage
posted by poffin boffin at 1:19 PM on January 22, 2015 [5 favorites]

Team Canada's scores seem unrealistic. Unless both goalies were distracted for some reason.
posted by sparklemotion at 1:20 PM on January 22, 2015 [6 favorites]

Can someone explain Germany?

Well, there were these internal tensions in the Holy Roman Empire...
posted by sobarel at 1:20 PM on January 22, 2015 [23 favorites]

Tom and Lorenzo have often done amusing rundowns of the entries. Tom and Lorenzo are often amusing period.
posted by janey47 at 1:22 PM on January 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

I can't find a bigger picture of Germany's costume. There appears to be some sort of teddy bear. And a city skyline on her skirt. Her sash is red and white and has something blue on it and she has balloons.

That's all I got, sorry.
posted by Justinian at 1:22 PM on January 22, 2015

Unless both goalies were distracted for some reason.
Have you seen where the goal is??
posted by evidenceofabsence at 1:22 PM on January 22, 2015 [16 favorites]

I just realized she is wearing Lord Stanley's Cup as a hat! AS A HAT, PEOPLE.
posted by Justinian at 1:25 PM on January 22, 2015 [23 favorites]

There appears to be some sort of teddy bear. And a city skyline on her skirt.

The city is Berlin, which has a bear as its symbol.
posted by sobarel at 1:26 PM on January 22, 2015

Miss Dominican Republic got stuck with one of those costumes from the store that has a picture of the thing you're supposed to be on the front.

Miss El Salvador appears ready to accept human sacrifice.

Miss Great Britain's expression seems to say, "Yes, I know, obvious, isn't it?"

Miss Israel's outfit is understated in a lovely way. Wearing blue and white and a Star of David is a big old statement on the world stage anyway.

I love these costumes. They're like Eurovision for the eyes.
posted by Countess Elena at 1:26 PM on January 22, 2015 [13 favorites]

I feel like Miss Puerto Rico doesn't understand how this works.
posted by ckape at 1:27 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

MIss Switzerland seems to have made her costume at the very last minute.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:28 PM on January 22, 2015

More birds/Virgin Mary than I expected.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 1:30 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Miss Great Britain and Miss France didn't even try.

To paraphrase a friend of mine on Twitter, "This year's District tributes look incredible."
posted by Kitteh at 1:30 PM on January 22, 2015 [26 favorites]

Miss Spain has clearly been playing a lot of Isabella in Civ V.
posted by Justinian at 1:30 PM on January 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

Pretty sure Miss Portugal has terrifying bird-heads as hand puppets.
posted by emjaybee at 1:32 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Oh, there's been a historical series about Isabella in Spanish TV recently. Trailer with English subtitles.
posted by sukeban at 1:33 PM on January 22, 2015

I liked the UK's costume, because I'm glad that someone just said "Fuck it" and bought a "Sexy $NATIONALSTEREOTYPE" costume to wear.

Canada's outfit is certainly impressive. I'm hoping that next year (or month or however often these are) they just send her out in a Timmy's uniform. Or, if you'd rather, a *SEXY* Timmy's uniform.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:34 PM on January 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

I love how she's wearing a White Virgin Mary with a White Baby Jesus.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 1:34 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Miss Lebanon: ♦️
posted by oceanjesse at 1:35 PM on January 22, 2015

Miss Slovenia must be sad because her dress is just a boring brown dress. It's just ugly, not even amazingly ugly!
posted by ocherdraco at 1:36 PM on January 22, 2015

Miss Russia looks like an ICBM.
posted by Mcable at 1:37 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

I just realized she is wearing Lord Stanley's Cup as a hat! AS A HAT, PEOPLE.

She of all the contestants should really know that you're only supposed to touch the Stanley Cup if you've won it.
posted by Copronymus at 1:41 PM on January 22, 2015

Tom and Lorenzo have often done amusing rundowns of the entries.

They don't seem to go past 2013, though.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:42 PM on January 22, 2015

Who wore it best???
[] Miss Russia
[] Option 2
posted by Westringia F. at 1:42 PM on January 22, 2015 [11 favorites]

Please, please, please tell me that the headpiece on Miss Peru's costume is a depiction of the Moche Decapitator (aka "Ai Apaec") because that would be totally badass.
posted by Nerd of the North at 1:43 PM on January 22, 2015

Oh Dominican Republic. Never go full Virgin Mary wearing Virgin Mary.

I think she's wearing a Ben Cooper costume.
posted by PlusDistance at 1:44 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Ok Miss Ireland. You look awesome.
Actually most of the Is brought it. India and Indonesia are both astounding. Israel is elegant but not as OUT THERE as needs to be.

And Miss Venezuela is a tree. I prefer Groot.
posted by Lemurrhea at 1:48 PM on January 22, 2015

I am guessing Tom and Lorenzo are probably working on their commentary. Even though we are in Jaunary of 2015, this is actually the 2014 Miss Universe competition, as it says on Canada's scoreboard. If you look at the 2013 and 2012 miss universes, they took place late in the year. I am guessing the 2014 competition just bled over into 2015.
posted by Badgermann at 1:49 PM on January 22, 2015

Having finished delivering her demands, Miss Ireland orders her army of ogres, goblins, and trolls to attack.
posted by ckape at 1:50 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Many of those costumes look like they had a brainstorming session where a committee wrote down everything they could think of associated with their country and then they just said
"YES ALL OF THAT. ACTUALLY FIVE OF ALL OF THAT".
posted by Dext at 1:51 PM on January 22, 2015 [20 favorites]

Who wore it best???
[] Miss Russia
[] Option 2

Have a little respect! His title is Mr. Vatican City.
posted by Lemurrhea at 1:53 PM on January 22, 2015 [11 favorites]

Even though we are in Jaunary of 2015, this is actually the 2014 Miss Universe competition

I am ashamed. I did not treat this competition with the deep respect and reverence that it deserves.

Sorry all, I failed you.
posted by Justinian at 1:56 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

I was pretty disappointed with Ms. Ecuador (visible in the Daily Mail Link, not the OP link). Ecuador has several national costumes that vary by region, but none of them look anything like that. These are still used by many for daily wear and it would not have been difficult to buy one, if there weren't an implicit requirement of partial nudity.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 1:59 PM on January 22, 2015

Wait...? This is not the masquerade from some medium-big SciFi Con?
posted by edgeways at 2:07 PM on January 22, 2015

I haven't read the thread or the article yet, and I will in a moment, but I have a serious question:

Is it reasonable to be nauseated by the idea of a Miss Whatever competition while still being entertained by the ridiculousness of the 'national' (notional) costumes? To be an effective feminist, is it more useful for me to hate the whole thing from top to bottom?

I want to be really, really clear: this is absolutely a serious question. I do love the ridiculousness, but would it be more effective as an ally for me/all men to repudiate all of it?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:07 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Miss Canada's costume is embarrassing. Canada may not be France in terms of serious cultural heritage, but christ on the cross, we've got more than hockey sticks.
posted by GuyZero at 2:09 PM on January 22, 2015

Yeah, there's also poutine.
posted by Justinian at 2:10 PM on January 22, 2015 [8 favorites]

Is Miss Germany's bodice supposed to be a foaming beer stein, or is that just wishful thinking?
posted by mochapickle at 2:11 PM on January 22, 2015

and the strategic syrup reserves
posted by poffin boffin at 2:11 PM on January 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

That said, Miss Colombia's costume is fascinating, what with the Virgin Mary on a costume for someone who is selling sex.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:13 PM on January 22, 2015

mochapickle: sadly, I think it is the Brandenburg Gate and not a foaming beer stein.
posted by Justinian at 2:14 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Now you're getting into the spirit of things, fffm!
posted by Justinian at 2:14 PM on January 22, 2015

Tom and Lorenzo have often done amusing rundowns of the entries.

They don't seem to go past 2013, though.

They just wrote on Twitter that they're working on posts for this now.
posted by dnash at 2:15 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

See now, you're all making fun, but these are the sorts of lengths we Canadians have to go to in order to get noticed.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:15 PM on January 22, 2015 [12 favorites]

Miss Givings.
posted by Mchelly at 2:17 PM on January 22, 2015

I am not making fun; my love of Canada's outfit here is 100% non-ironic.
posted by flaterik at 2:18 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

From the head up, it appears Miss France is saluting Taylor Swift.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 2:20 PM on January 22, 2015

I like that the caption for South Africa is about wearing the colours of her national flag. Actually, she is mostly wearing zebra stripes.
posted by ChuraChura at 2:21 PM on January 22, 2015

That said, Miss Colombia's costume is fascinating, what with the Virgin Mary on a costume for someone who is selling sex.

Wait, I thought Miss Colombia's was made of ribbon candy. Do you mean DR?

Also, I think Singapore's belongs in a deleted scene from Waiting for Guffman.
posted by psoas at 2:21 PM on January 22, 2015

OMG. The scoreboard is PART OF THE COSTUME. I thought it was just a prop in the background. Canada wins. Everything. Forever.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:27 PM on January 22, 2015 [6 favorites]

You're right, I'm sorry, that was a brainfart. Do a find/replace and my opinion still stands :)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:28 PM on January 22, 2015

Yeah, I was just about to ask - the scoreboard is part of the costume? Really?

AND WHAT KIND OF HOCKEY GAME HAS A SCORE OF 20-14??????

Is this some sort of peewee tournament with goalies that can't move their pads around?
posted by GuyZero at 2:28 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm in some kind of awe about the Miss USA one. It's just so damn huge I can't see how she got on and off the stage unless it collapses somehow.
posted by dnash at 2:29 PM on January 22, 2015

The score is 20-14 because of the year 2014. Get it? Get it?
posted by Justinian at 2:31 PM on January 22, 2015 [6 favorites]

Miss Germany is carrying luftballons! I get it!

Also, I just noticed there is a yellow Star of David on her cape. I'm too stunned to know what to say about that.
posted by Zenobi at 2:37 PM on January 22, 2015

The score is 20-14 because of the year 2014. Get it? Get it?

I get it.
posted by GuyZero at 2:39 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

This forum is to be congratulated for not making any five-hole jokes. Also, I think Miss Canada is meant to look like Pucka, the Hindu goddess of hockey and net repair. It's all about multiculturalism, see?
posted by CCBC at 2:39 PM on January 22, 2015 [6 favorites]

Kind of weird to say something about multiculturalism while mocking the Hindu faith(s), to me.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:42 PM on January 22, 2015

(I wasn't responding to Justinian, my comment looks confusing.)
posted by Zenobi at 2:46 PM on January 22, 2015

Is it reasonable to be nauseated by the idea of a Miss Whatever competition while still being entertained by the ridiculousness of the 'national' (notional) costumes? To be an effective feminist, is it more useful for me to hate the whole thing from top to bottom?

I have a hard time believing that laughing at these costumes will lead you to approve of sexism and racism/colonialism (lotta both on display here). They're just so dumb.
posted by emjaybee at 2:46 PM on January 22, 2015

Zenobi: "Also, I just noticed there is a yellow Star of David on her cape. I'm too stunned to know what to say about that."

If you look at the 5th slide in the slideshow here, it seems she has a Berlin Wall graffiti thing going on, which (sort of) explains it.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:46 PM on January 22, 2015

I have a hard time believing that laughing at these costumes will lead you to approve of sexism and racism/colonialism (lotta both on display here). They're just so dumb.

Oh totally. I'm wondering whether giving attention at all is contributing to the problems, if that makes sense?

(Like, lots of 'viral' videos are funny but in the end they're usually someone having a bad day, so even if we're having problems with what's happening, is paying attention contributing to or ameliorating the problem?)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:49 PM on January 22, 2015

Thanks Rock Steady -- that helps (sort of, I think).
posted by Zenobi at 2:51 PM on January 22, 2015

Also the main thing I thought as I saw Miss Great Britain's costume was: Rule 34.
posted by GuyZero at 2:58 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Team Canada's scores seem unrealistic. Unless both goalies were distracted for some reason.

The score is 2-0 (in favor of the guests). The 20-14 is the shots on goal. I have no idea how to connect this to the contest, just pointing out the standard hockey scoreboard format.
posted by TheShadowKnows at 2:59 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Damn. Miss Canada clearly knows more about hockey than we do in this thread.
posted by Justinian at 3:01 PM on January 22, 2015 [7 favorites]

I don't think it's standard to show shots-on-goal on a scoreboard at all... the more I look at it the more I'm baffled by what it is supposed to represent - normally there would be a timer for penalties on each side. At best shots on goal is usually much smaller and below everything else, not right at the top. While it is important, no one make it the #1 most visible part of a scoreboard.
posted by GuyZero at 3:02 PM on January 22, 2015

I mean, here's the Pittsburg Penguins scoreboard. Score, time remaining, current period on top. A lot of space for penalty times below, because, hey, Pittsburgh. Shots on goal and timeouts remaining at the very bottom.
posted by GuyZero at 3:05 PM on January 22, 2015

Yeah, I did a GIS for hockey scoreboard and it seems like for boards that display shots on goal, those fields are labelled as such and/or are in a less prominent position than the actual score.

I mean, that would be a more reasonable interpretation, it just doesn't jibe with how her scoreboard is laid out.
posted by sparklemotion at 3:06 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

I don't think it's standard to show shots-on-goal on a scoreboard at all

Not unheard of, though. They have it in Ottawa, or did, back when I used to live there (way down at the bottom). Used to be kinda cool to see, but lately it would just be kinda sad.

A lot of space for penalty times below, because, hey, Pittsburgh

Hey they didn't ALWAYS have Steve Downie
posted by Hoopo at 3:10 PM on January 22, 2015

I see that not every slideshow has Miss British Virgin Islands, who wants you to learn a little vexillology.
posted by psoas at 3:20 PM on January 22, 2015

Hoopo: Hey they didn't ALWAYS have Steve Downie

Nah, but they've had plenty of prominent PIM collectors throughout their history, including Kevin Stevens, Rick Tocchet, Ulf Samuelsson, Matthew Barnaby, Georges Laraque, Matt Cooke... Not all of them were one-dimensional goons like what Downie is at this point in his career, but they've certainly had their share of pugilists and cheap-shot artists.
posted by tonycpsu at 3:21 PM on January 22, 2015

Miss Canada's costume is embarrassing.

Are you suggesting that the others aren't? Anyway, I'd bet on Canada, Peru, and Thailand in the Costumed Battle Round.
posted by sfenders at 3:23 PM on January 22, 2015

Miss France and Miss Germany seem actually kind classy actually. And the South American contestants... look, Miss Brazil has a reputation to uphold. You don't come from the home of Carnival and not bring your feature-costume-A-game.

But Miss Canada... I'm sure she's a nice person.
posted by GuyZero at 3:27 PM on January 22, 2015

I'm terribly disappointed that, with all the wonderful, strange, beautiful, and bizarre things we have Down Under, Miss Australia wore...whatever this is.
posted by onetime dormouse at 3:32 PM on January 22, 2015

Miss Australia, bigger.

It's some kind of aborigine sunset motiff according to the links.
posted by Justinian at 3:50 PM on January 22, 2015

The part where Miss Cthulu consumed their souls was unexpected.
posted by clvrmnky at 3:59 PM on January 22, 2015 [8 favorites]

Speaking as a proud Canadian, I'm very, very pleased to see we went in a...different...direction than the slutty Mountie from 2013. I'm still somewhat mystified/horrified/alarmed/bemused by the hockey stick peacock outfit, but it at least shows someone took some time and energy to come up with something, rather than just running out to the seedy costume shop and grabbing the first thing that screamed "Canadian".

To truly complete the outfit, though, she should be missing a tooth or two.
posted by nubs at 4:17 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Thank you so much re: the British Virgin Islands flag! I have made a note in the comments.

This is why I try hard, when I do this, to make it not really mean but just sort of awed, because it's always perfectly clear that they have a reason for these choices, even if I don't know what it is. It's very dangerous to get too "this is so RANDOM!" because it usually isn't. (I still don't know about Norway and the vulture turkey thing? But I'm sure they have their reasons also?)
posted by Linda_Holmes at 4:31 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

they've certainly had their share of pugilists and cheap-shot artists.

Very few teams haven't... it's kind of a weird team to single out.
posted by Hoopo at 4:37 PM on January 22, 2015

I think Miss Guyana is walking her pet tinsel-capybara.
posted by adamrice at 4:39 PM on January 22, 2015 [5 favorites]

re: Norway and the vulture turkey

I think some of the photos may have been mislabeled -- in the ohnotheydidn't link, she's labeled as Miss Peru, which makes a bit more sense. And it looks like they originally had Miss Netherlands as Miss Philippines.
posted by rewil at 5:09 PM on January 22, 2015

In the words of one of my fellow French Canadian citizen "seal's cotton wool!?" (or ouate de phoque!?)
posted by bluefrog at 5:22 PM on January 22, 2015 [5 favorites]

The more I look at it, the more I appreciate the Canada outfit. I mean, the little mini underskirt thing is a hockey net! And the soles of her boots are silver, like blades.

It's genius.
posted by mochapickle at 5:27 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Russia is wearing a miter, never been more happy about this
posted by PinkMoose at 5:31 PM on January 22, 2015

My captions came directly from the Miss Universe press site. (Literally, that part of the caption is their metadata.) So if they're wrong, I will have to conclude pageant people have done me wrong.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 5:32 PM on January 22, 2015

Where are all the african countries aside from egypt and south africa though, last year miss tanzania was my favourite.
posted by poffin boffin at 5:45 PM on January 22, 2015

and the strategic syrup reserves
posted by poffin boffin

I think it's important for non-Canadians to be aware of a) the aforementioned strategic syrup reserves being a real thing but also b) it was robbed of 1,000 tonnes of maple syrup (only a quarter of the reserves e: at that site) and c) I'm not even making this up.
posted by angerbot at 5:50 PM on January 22, 2015 [7 favorites]

I'm enough of a throwback that when I think of hot Canadian women and sports, I think of curling.
posted by janey47 at 5:51 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Poland isn't nearly outrageous enough, but I'd wear it.
posted by gladly at 5:58 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Man, the more you look, the more you see. In addition to Miss Canada's skirt being the hockey net, her stockings are also fishnet stockings, and her veil is also a net. Her Marie Antoinette hairdo and skirt represent French Canada, I assume.

I feel like I'm in high school again, analyzing the symbols and themes in some book, and just coming up with more and more layers.
posted by Bugbread at 6:00 PM on January 22, 2015 [7 favorites]

>Nerd of the North, I think Miss Peru is primarily riffing off Wiracocha (Incan creator god) iconography.
posted by drlith at 6:02 PM on January 22, 2015

I am still waiting for Miss Poland to dress as a Winged Hussar. It's perfect! WHY WOULD YOU NOT DO THIS?
posted by Justinian at 6:03 PM on January 22, 2015 [5 favorites]

@drlith: But then why the ... vulture? Thing?
posted by Linda_Holmes at 6:10 PM on January 22, 2015

@Linda_Holmes it is an Andean Condor, one of the largest birds in the world. It is a national symbol of Peru, although according to Wikipedia, it is also the national symbol of almost every other Andean county.
posted by Badgermann at 6:29 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Yes! Now I get it. You guys have been MOST helpful. I am working on getting a correction done.

About Miss Norway and Miss Peru.

Straaaaange career I have here. But seriously, again: you guys have been really helpful. The Miss Universe people should use you to supplement their captions.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 6:37 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm still concerned about the fact that Jesus is conspicuously located at the approximate level of Miss Dominican Republic's uterus. Fruit of the womb, blergh.
posted by ChuraChura at 6:46 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm Canadian and I am very glad that Miss Canada's costume is absolutely mental.
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:53 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Unless both goalies were distracted for some reason.
Have you seen where the goal is??

Oh, myyy!

/Takei
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:59 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Pretty sure Miss Portugal has terrifying bird-heads as hand puppets.

Close. The false eye-spots are there to confuse predators, and obviously do a pretty good job, no?
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:21 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

Awwwww, no sexy patriotic transformers this year? DISAPPOINTED, AMERICA.
posted by sciatrix at 8:32 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Miss Lebanon, I love you, but you're letting me down.
posted by gingerbeer at 8:52 PM on January 22, 2015

Are there any giant robots, aliens, or costumes thrown together at the last minute with materials bought at Target?

I'm going to hazard a guess that, with recent news, Miss Canada's outfit was not purchased at Target. Possibly Canadian Tire, though.

I can't wait for next year's Sexy Curling Rock.
posted by ilana at 9:00 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

So, I recently learned that there is a subgenre of hockey fanfiction (also: there is hockey fanfiction) in which the Stanley Cup grants wishes to those who win it.

I had not given this further thought until now, but: this is clearly who appears in a cloud of smoke and glitter to grant said wishes.
posted by nonasuch at 9:15 PM on January 22, 2015 [19 favorites]

It would have been more fun to try to guess where each picture was from if my first thought wasn't "well somewhere warm I hope" for nearly all of them.
posted by aubilenon at 10:15 PM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]

I know there isn't any direct male equivalent of this pageant of horrors ("Mr Universe" and all that are just steroid shows, I think?). But I would like to see the equivalent country costumes on men, too.
posted by maxwelton at 10:54 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

The National Costume Competition is good, but when do they battle to the death? I think Canada has a strategic advantage here with 10 razor sharp hockey sticks (and one Hextall-esque goaltender stick). Then again, Miss Thailand does have a bow, but it looks kinda ceremonial to me.
posted by flyingfox at 11:10 PM on January 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Miss Sri Lanka is awesome and her costume is great. Good on her! She should get extra points.

Honestly, they should throw out all the other segments of the competition and make the whole pageant into a costume contest for men and women alike, and they have to build their own costumes, with points for construction, national inspiration, use of materials.

I would totally watch that.
posted by mochapickle at 11:39 PM on January 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Its like France and Israel don't realize its a ridiculous coustume contest. WTH poepe get with it.
posted by Carillon at 12:04 AM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]

Is it just me, or do most of those dresses look like they've eaten the wearer? Because my theory right now is that they have, and Canada & Australia just grabbed the nearest materials to try to camouflage themselves as one of the Bird People. (Australia was apparently camping in the garden with a 6-year-old when disaster struck. We know where Canada was.)
posted by Westringia F. at 12:09 AM on January 23, 2015

I am pretty sure the Maily Dail has mixed up Miss Brasil with Miss Portugal. That big two-birded green-blue-n-yellow suit has nothing to do with the Cock of Barcelos.
posted by chavenet at 3:26 AM on January 23, 2015

I like how Miss Switzerland has a train.
posted by chavenet at 3:26 AM on January 23, 2015

Miss Universe costumes are excellent for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to the fact that there is never 100% agreement as to what the goal is even supposed to be. Most people wear absolutely ridiculous drag-queens-beyond-the-thunderdome (viz. Canada), but then some people wear more compact, stylized outfits (e.g. Israel and Japan), and then some other people still are just wearing somewhat costumey gowns (e.g. Slovenia).

I would HAPPILY watch a Miss Universe spin-off which was only the Costume Competition, with separate categories for Bugfuck Ridiculous, Actually Almost Wearable, I Made This Myself, and Now We Have To Play Basketball In This.
posted by Sticherbeast at 4:35 AM on January 23, 2015 [5 favorites]

I just noticed that the timer on Miss Canada's scoreboard is at 16:45 in one photo (the ONTD one) and at 17:00 in another (the NPR one). So it moved, as well? That pushes that costume into the stratosphere, I think.

Also: where is Miss Sweden? I'm curious to see what we came up with.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:44 AM on January 23, 2015 [4 favorites]

We have some strange traditions here on Metafilter but I confess to liking this one. Almost as good as that cat that got into my scanner.
posted by infini at 5:53 AM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]

Where are Ralph and Lisa?
posted by Chrysostom at 8:21 AM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]

Tom & Lorenzo:

Part 1: Bird Women and Showgirls

Miss Argentina: “Paraguay needs to get its basic ass off this stage and see how REAL bird-women handle shit.”

Part 2: Virgins and Brides

Miss Ukraine: “In Ukraine, brides are also vampires.”

Miss Portugal: “Come on, you guys. My grandmother made this. Stop laughing! She died!”
posted by dnash at 8:59 AM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]

Where are all the african countries aside from egypt and south africa though, last year miss tanzania was my favourite.

Well, the Fug Girls found Miss Nigeria (#28 on the slideshow) and Miss Ghana (#39).

(Also, Miss El Salvador [#17] has a seriously sad bio.)
posted by psoas at 9:08 AM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]

Why isn't there more Miss Universe cosplay? Why isn't there any?
posted by adamrice at 10:34 AM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]

How did Tom & Lorenzo miss Miss Peru's awesome painted condor? The bird waiting until the rest of them have died to eat them.
posted by gingerbeer at 10:36 AM on January 23, 2015

T&L's Part 3 is up: Warriors, Goddesses and Queens
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:41 AM on January 23, 2015

YES excellent, Miss Ghana is the intergalactic god empress I have been awaiting.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:46 AM on January 23, 2015

also why is miss italy dressed as an npc in ac2
posted by poffin boffin at 10:46 AM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]

Take away the cape, crown, and stupid lace sleeve things, and this is a spectacular dress that wouldn't be out of place on a red carpet. I wish I could wear it, tbh.

How did it take me this long to realize The Hunger Games is riffing on this in the parade sequences?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:00 AM on January 23, 2015

no no no the crown and cape are essential red carpet items or at least they should be.
posted by The Whelk at 11:11 AM on January 23, 2015

I believe this imgur set has all the costumes in decent resolution. If you still can't get enough.
posted by Justinian at 11:35 AM on January 23, 2015 [3 favorites]

oh my god guys check out justinian's link
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:44 AM on January 23, 2015

omg bulgaria is the cutest thing i have ever seen help

her face is like "hi my mom made me wear this"
posted by poffin boffin at 11:48 AM on January 23, 2015

Also wow I'm really mad that apparently all of the big media outlets totally ignored the majority of the african entrants. Miss Ethiopia looks like the most glorious of disney princesses.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:50 AM on January 23, 2015

The weird thing is, some of those are flat-out gorgeous. Georgia's costume is beautifully done, as is Haiti; and the Slovak Republic or New Zealand wouldn't be out of place on a red carpet.

And then you have this, or this.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:59 AM on January 23, 2015

Hey I get Germany's costume now! The cape is the Berlin Wall! She came out with it closed... and then when she opens it, beautiful open Berlin is revealed!
posted by Justinian at 12:03 PM on January 23, 2015

the Slovak Republic or New Zealand wouldn't be out of place on a red carpet.

Oh, I dunno. Slovak Republic made me think "She saw it in the window and she just had to have it." (as in Carol Burnett's Gone With The Wind dress.) Although maybe it looks more like a tablecloth than curtains.
posted by dnash at 12:04 PM on January 23, 2015

Man Germany, somewhere Hedwig is just screaming THAT'S MY BIT at a laptop

also...is she carrying ...luftballons?

As in 99?


o.O
posted by The Whelk at 12:08 PM on January 23, 2015

Miss Netherland's whole Van Gogh thing really works for me.
posted by Justinian at 12:08 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, I dunno. Slovak Republic made me think "She saw it in the window and she just had to have it." (as in Carol Burnett's Gone With The Wind dress.)

...well, I'D wear it.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:10 PM on January 23, 2015

Me too. Gorgeous dress.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:12 PM on January 23, 2015

Miss Ireland's dress says "If Thailand takes a fucking pot-shot at me, I wanna present a HUGE target to distract her with & hope she misses a vital organ."
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 12:39 PM on January 23, 2015

Tom & Lorenzo Part 4: Crazies, Lazies, and Try-Hards!

Miss Canada: "Check me out! I’m Marie Antoi-NET! Get it? Puck me!"
posted by dnash at 12:45 PM on January 23, 2015

if miss malaysia was like "let us return to my homeland where you shall be my footstool" i wouldn't even stop to cancel the cable
posted by poffin boffin at 12:48 PM on January 23, 2015

Okay, but for serious - where are Miss Belgium's arms?
posted by Mchelly at 12:48 PM on January 23, 2015 [3 favorites]

I WAS JUST GOING TO ASK THAT!
posted by maryr at 1:07 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]

The only rational explanation is that she had them amputated for her costume. Talk about commitment!
posted by Justinian at 1:21 PM on January 23, 2015

Someone please write me an RPG* with Misses Japan (rogue), India (enchanter), Ireland (swordsman), and Bolivia (white knight). Their summons will be Misses Sri Lanka, Trinidad and Tobago, Turks and Caicos, and Portugal.

* I mean other than FFX-2.
posted by maryr at 1:22 PM on January 23, 2015 [4 favorites]

Okay, but for serious - where are Miss Belgium's arms?

I can't find them either, and I've looked at like 3 different photos. And it's kinda starting to freak me out.
posted by dnash at 1:25 PM on January 23, 2015

Miss Korea is either the box art or the Macguffin.
posted by maryr at 1:28 PM on January 23, 2015

Today I learned that chalupas are Czech in origin.
posted by Tool of the Conspiracy at 2:14 PM on January 23, 2015 [2 favorites]

dnash: "Miss Canada: "Check me out! I’m Marie Antoi-NET! Get it? Puck me!""

Aw, man, I think Tom & Lorenzo were just making a joke there, but I think they accidentally stumbled into an actual intentional design decision. Marie Antoi-net!
posted by Bugbread at 3:21 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]

If I were a women I would absolutely go as Miss Canada's Hockey Explosion next year. Hell, maybe I will anyway. It shouldn't be very hard to find some thigh high heels in my size here in West Hollywood.
posted by Justinian at 5:42 PM on January 23, 2015 [1 favorite]

throw a brick and you'll hit at least four pairs, from what I've heard.

Fredericks is your friend.

...wait, upon googling for the link, what? They don't sell shoes anymore? All the drag queens I dragged with ages ago used to order their shoes from Fredericks, wtf? (I have tiny feet and could buy off the rack anywhere, never had to mail-order, yay!)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:57 PM on January 23, 2015

Miss Singapore's outfit has me terribly confused.
posted by infini at 3:17 AM on January 24, 2015

Ha, Miss Sweden is St. Lucia. Well, I can live with that.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:11 AM on January 24, 2015

Miss Ireland's dress looks like it was designed by Yoshitaka Amano. Not "haha, she looks like an RPG character," but literally could be a design for Final Fantasy 6.

Also, Tom and Lorenzo's posts are up!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:24 AM on January 24, 2015

Miss Canada floored by reaction to costume. Includes shots of the costume from behind, which reveals the skirt also contains a hockey rink.
posted by nubs at 2:14 PM on January 24, 2015 [3 favorites]

That link by nubs explains "Beckenlehner (Canada's) dress was designed by Alex Kavanagh, a Toronto-based TV and film costume designer, who often works in the horror film industry. She was the brains behind the costume for Jigsaw, the villain in splatter franchise "Saw.""

Right.
posted by wintersweet at 11:49 PM on January 24, 2015 [2 favorites]

She also did the costumes for Repo! The Genetic Opera and Splice. Fucking righteous.
posted by Sticherbeast at 6:29 AM on January 25, 2015 [2 favorites]