not safe for work ❤
February 19, 2015 7:08 AM Subscribe
Wired's first-ever sex issue:
- strange, vivid nudes meant to tap into your emotions
- young, attractive, and totally not into having sex
- according to hollywood, the future of sex is super awkward
- the sex talk you never had with your parents
- 10 extreme close-up photos of everyday objects
- your dick pics are about to be all over the internet
- virtual-reality porn is coming, and your fantasies may never be the same
- animal sex is dangerous and horrifying. so why does sex exist at all?
- penile strain gauges and other strange devices of sex science
- renaissance sex positions reimagined as dreamy erotica
- japanese sex hotels cater to all kinds of fetishes, even hello kitty s&m
- two revolutionary new sex toys, plus 14 top-selling dildos
Needs more lusty drones and 3d printed dildos. Bonus points for an Elon Man-Musk spread.
posted by benzenedream at 7:41 AM on February 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 7:41 AM on February 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
...with bonus mention of naked Mathowie in link #6. Wasn't expecting that!
posted by deludingmyself at 7:41 AM on February 19, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by deludingmyself at 7:41 AM on February 19, 2015 [10 favorites]
Or goody. My almost 13 year-old devours my Wired magazines every month and often talks about the articles. It'll be interesting to hear his opinions on penile strain gauges.
posted by bondcliff at 7:43 AM on February 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 7:43 AM on February 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Fuck.
posted by Melismata at 7:45 AM on February 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Melismata at 7:45 AM on February 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hmm, this actually has been considering buying the issue.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:54 AM on February 19, 2015
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:54 AM on February 19, 2015
People who don’t want to have sex aren’t necessarily suffering from a disorder. “It’s a concept that is so foreign to most people that they believe there must be some pathological explanation,”
Asexuals just seem less than human, people said.
This is terribly common - at least in my experience. People are completely undone by the concept that a human may not have sexual desire without it being pathological in some way.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:55 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Asexuals just seem less than human, people said.
This is terribly common - at least in my experience. People are completely undone by the concept that a human may not have sexual desire without it being pathological in some way.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:55 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
My dumb story of my dropcam snapping a nude of me is in the "dick pics" story, but I didn't know it was part of a full issue on sex, so I'm off to read the rest.
posted by mathowie at 8:18 AM on February 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by mathowie at 8:18 AM on February 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
> The asexual story seems like one of those perennials - every few years, you see a bunch of articles about this new trend. Is something actually different now?
What with the recent deluge of "ugh, Tumblrinas and their funny words" attitude I've seen on various sites lately, this quote from the asexuality article seems particularly salient:
What with the recent deluge of "ugh, Tumblrinas and their funny words" attitude I've seen on various sites lately, this quote from the asexuality article seems particularly salient:
[Newly-described sexual and gender orientations] don’t necessarily describe fixed identities but serve more as beacons for people to locate each other online.posted by theraflu at 8:22 AM on February 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Oh wow, a whole issue about sex! I love sex! I'm certainly going to read and or purchase this issue.
*reads entire issue*
Really, the sexiest thing was knowing that nude pics of mathowie exist?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:25 AM on February 19, 2015
*reads entire issue*
Really, the sexiest thing was knowing that nude pics of mathowie exist?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:25 AM on February 19, 2015
*tags with mathowiedickpics*
posted by and they trembled before her fury at 8:29 AM on February 19, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by and they trembled before her fury at 8:29 AM on February 19, 2015 [14 favorites]
The asexual story seems like one of those perennials - every few years, you see a bunch of articles about this new trend. Is something actually different now?
Perhaps consider it a periodic update as to the terms and approach? :)
I am heartened by how positively people approaching the varied asexual topics these days.
posted by Theta States at 8:36 AM on February 19, 2015
Perhaps consider it a periodic update as to the terms and approach? :)
I am heartened by how positively people approaching the varied asexual topics these days.
posted by Theta States at 8:36 AM on February 19, 2015
mathowie: "My dumb story of my dropcam snapping a nude of me is in the "dick pics" story, but I didn't know it was part of a full issue on sex, so I'm off to read the rest."
Gonna be a great podcast this month.
posted by boo_radley at 8:52 AM on February 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
Gonna be a great podcast this month.
posted by boo_radley at 8:52 AM on February 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
Quite a bit of this seems to have been written by someone who's been in cryogenic suspension for the last twenty years. Wait until they find out that Apple is still around.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:17 AM on February 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:17 AM on February 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Quite a bit of Wired in general seems to have been written by someone who's been in cryogenic suspension for the last twenty years
FTFY
posted by happyroach at 10:24 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
FTFY
posted by happyroach at 10:24 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
I can't wait for the issue where they reveal they've been powering the magazine with shark tank based levitation all these years.
posted by Catblack at 10:24 AM on February 19, 2015
posted by Catblack at 10:24 AM on February 19, 2015
Ah, the sex issue. A time-tested ploy to increase newsstand sales. Who says old media is dead?
posted by klangklangston at 10:31 AM on February 19, 2015
posted by klangklangston at 10:31 AM on February 19, 2015
SEX!!!
Now that we've got your attention, here's a boring computer magazine.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:54 AM on February 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Now that we've got your attention, here's a boring computer magazine.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:54 AM on February 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
I am heartened by how positively people approaching the varied asexual topics these days.
Don't read the comments on that article.
posted by entropyiswinning at 10:58 AM on February 19, 2015
Don't read the comments on that article.
posted by entropyiswinning at 10:58 AM on February 19, 2015
Yeah painful. I was gonna comment on the white-dude-penned-"people should be ok with naked pics of them getting out because we are all human" to make the point that like... it can be a careerkiller/physically dangerous for that to happen to women in this country, but given the nuclear vitriol from other commenters I decided to skip it.
posted by softlord at 11:15 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by softlord at 11:15 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
two revolutionary new sex toys, plus 14 top-selling dildos
Interesting how they completely avoided the Aneros; every guy I know who has bought one has seriously considered marrying it.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:16 AM on February 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Interesting how they completely avoided the Aneros; every guy I know who has bought one has seriously considered marrying it.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:16 AM on February 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
The asexual story seems like one of those perennials - every few years, you see a bunch of articles about this new trend. Is something actually different now?
Nope. Also, none of the terms they used in the article were coined on Tumblr OR gaming forums, so I'm not sure why they included that line except to go "ooooooh, the HIP NEW KIDS are doing this WEIRD INTERNET THING now." I was pretty unimpressed.
Haven't managed to read the rest yet since I'm at work, will get to it in a bit.
posted by sciatrix at 11:44 AM on February 19, 2015
Nope. Also, none of the terms they used in the article were coined on Tumblr OR gaming forums, so I'm not sure why they included that line except to go "ooooooh, the HIP NEW KIDS are doing this WEIRD INTERNET THING now." I was pretty unimpressed.
Haven't managed to read the rest yet since I'm at work, will get to it in a bit.
posted by sciatrix at 11:44 AM on February 19, 2015
feckless fecal fear mongering: "Interesting how they completely avoided the Aneros; every guy I know who has bought one has seriously considered marrying it."
Hello new addition to FanFare.
posted by boo_radley at 11:49 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Hello new addition to FanFare.
posted by boo_radley at 11:49 AM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
> SEX!!!
> Now that we've got your attention, here's a boring computer magazine.
If only. Wired has become part of the Conde-Nast Lifestyle collection, and you've got me longing wistfully for BYTE, The Small Systems Journal.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:59 PM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
> Now that we've got your attention, here's a boring computer magazine.
If only. Wired has become part of the Conde-Nast Lifestyle collection, and you've got me longing wistfully for BYTE, The Small Systems Journal.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:59 PM on February 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Well, it took 20 years but Wired has finally gone full Mondo 2000 after killing it off.
Can anyone find an online scan of the "$10,000 REWARD FOR WORKING TELEDILDONICS SYSTEM" ad they used to run on the back cover of Mondo 2000 fairly often? I looked around a bit and couldn't find it.
In an alternate timeline (Ok, maybe it's still this one) Jaron Lanier is heavily lubricated with silicone gel, high on peptides and nootropics and entactogens, wearing a black skin-tight wetsuit riddled with cables and rollerblades while engaging in virtual intercourse with a cybenetically enhanced and very naughty dolphin who is enthusiastically, luridly giving consent to having yet another cerebral threesome with Timothy Leary's brain-in-a-tank while Lydia Lunch slouches idly on a biofeedback controlled Sybian while taking Polaroid shots, which she looks at once as it develops before flinging it into a fire in a rusty barrel while KMFDM plays in a chain link fence cage in the background.
posted by loquacious at 1:45 PM on February 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
Can anyone find an online scan of the "$10,000 REWARD FOR WORKING TELEDILDONICS SYSTEM" ad they used to run on the back cover of Mondo 2000 fairly often? I looked around a bit and couldn't find it.
In an alternate timeline (Ok, maybe it's still this one) Jaron Lanier is heavily lubricated with silicone gel, high on peptides and nootropics and entactogens, wearing a black skin-tight wetsuit riddled with cables and rollerblades while engaging in virtual intercourse with a cybenetically enhanced and very naughty dolphin who is enthusiastically, luridly giving consent to having yet another cerebral threesome with Timothy Leary's brain-in-a-tank while Lydia Lunch slouches idly on a biofeedback controlled Sybian while taking Polaroid shots, which she looks at once as it develops before flinging it into a fire in a rusty barrel while KMFDM plays in a chain link fence cage in the background.
posted by loquacious at 1:45 PM on February 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
In an alternate timeline (Ok, maybe it's still this one) Jaron Lanier is heavily lubricated with silicone gel, high on peptides and nootropics and entactogens, wearing a black skin-tight wetsuit riddled with cables and rollerblades while engaging in virtual intercourse with a cybenetically enhanced and very naughty dolphin who is enthusiastically, luridly giving consent to having yet another cerebral threesome with Timothy Leary's brain-in-a-tank while Lydia Lunch slouches idly on a biofeedback controlled Sybian while taking Polaroid shots, which she looks at once as it develops before flinging it into a fire in a rusty barrel while KMFDM plays in a chain link fence cage in the background.
The Aristocrats!
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:48 PM on February 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
The Aristocrats!
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:48 PM on February 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
""Interesting how they completely avoided the Aneros; every guy I know who has bought one has seriously considered marrying it.""
Doesn't "aneros" mean "loveless"? or is that the wrong Greek for this greek?
posted by klangklangston at 1:56 PM on February 19, 2015
Doesn't "aneros" mean "loveless"? or is that the wrong Greek for this greek?
posted by klangklangston at 1:56 PM on February 19, 2015
I know what it is — that's why I made the Greek/greek joke.
(Their copy reminds me of a guy who used to write into Taboo magazine about ranking his orgasms. I'll never forget "Level Five: The Hammer.")
posted by klangklangston at 2:21 PM on February 19, 2015
(Their copy reminds me of a guy who used to write into Taboo magazine about ranking his orgasms. I'll never forget "Level Five: The Hammer.")
posted by klangklangston at 2:21 PM on February 19, 2015
Sorry, I didn't take my brain pills today :/
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:25 PM on February 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:25 PM on February 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I really didn't find much in the Wired articles that inspired me, or that tapped into my emotions ... but the Amazon reviews for aneros are an eye-opener. There are so many straight men discovering their prostrate for the first time, and discussing it with all seriousness, mixed in with assertions that "you're not gay if you try it" and "this is not a sex-toy."
Somebody has figured out how to market dildos to het cis men. It's brilliant.
posted by kanewai at 4:59 PM on February 19, 2015
Somebody has figured out how to market dildos to het cis men. It's brilliant.
posted by kanewai at 4:59 PM on February 19, 2015
Loqacious, you forgot the mirrorshades
posted by ostranenie at 1:24 PM on February 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ostranenie at 1:24 PM on February 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I own an Aneros. It's all true...and I dare you to see for yourself.
posted by ostranenie at 2:21 PM on February 20, 2015
posted by ostranenie at 2:21 PM on February 20, 2015
And by that I mean buy one and try it yourself, away from me, out of earshot. I didn't mean watch me using mine. We hardly know each other.
posted by ostranenie at 2:23 PM on February 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by ostranenie at 2:23 PM on February 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Mod note: Couple of comments deleted. If you have an offhand criticism of a group of people, bear in mind that members of that group are probably here in the room, so maybe think twice about what you're saying.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:17 PM on February 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:17 PM on February 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
MetaFilter: Jaron Lanier is heavily lubricated with silicone gel, high on peptides and nootropics and entactogens, wearing a black skin-tight wetsuit riddled with cables and rollerblades...
posted by ostranenie at 7:06 PM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ostranenie at 7:06 PM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
now if I could only figure out how to get the Whelk to draw this
posted by ostranenie at 7:07 PM on March 9, 2015
posted by ostranenie at 7:07 PM on March 9, 2015
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