Nobody's admitting that they're evicting the fairies

March 4, 2015 6:20 AM

Fairy control is coming to Somerset woods It seems that the fairies of Wayford Woods, Crewkerne in Somerset have been neglecting the need for planning permission before they begin construction.

The fairies of Crewkerne might want to consult with their cousins across the pond in Ann Arbor, Michigan. There, the fairies have managed to find common ground with the local authorities and have become welcome and productive members of the community. [previously...]

posted by ursus_comiter (24 comments total)

There's a fairy door near me! It's not as nice as those fairy doors, though....
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 6:27 AM on March 4, 2015

Interesting... There's a bit of a difference between urban and woodland. Living near Ann Arbor, I love coming across fairy doors... and, in an urban environment on private property...I say "Go for it, Fairies!"... But, woodland fairy construction in parks and cultivated environments can become a problem in a lot of ways and I understand the need for some control.
posted by HuronBob at 6:31 AM on March 4, 2015

We seem to have lost our rightful fear of fairies. It's all fun and games until they seduce your lovers, steal your babies and your grandparents, get your daughters pregnant, blind the lady of the house, and try to kill King Arthur.
posted by idiopath at 6:36 AM on March 4, 2015 [41 favorites]

Hmmmm.... so it was okay as long as the fairies that moved into Somerset woods were building upscale, one-of-a-kind versions of fairy McMansions, but it became a problem when cheaper plywood affordable-housing for the less-well-off fairy masses started crowding into those previously exclusive upperclass fairy neighborhoods?
posted by easily confused at 6:46 AM on March 4, 2015 [11 favorites]

Maybe I need to lay off the yarn bombing and start up with fairy doors. I know a lady who makes that sort of thing....and we are theoretically working on a fairy garden for the state fair (yeah, that happens....).

I also thought, "wow, this is a first world problem if ever there was one." Or fairy world problem.

But seriously, don't screw with fairies. They will start fucking up your woods if you take their homes away.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:47 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

It's all fun and games until they seduce your lovers, steal your babies and your grandparents, get your daughters pregnant, blind the lady of the house, and try to kill King Arthur.

#NotAllFairies
posted by The Bellman at 6:50 AM on March 4, 2015 [16 favorites]

Look, after the end Second Unseelie War many fairies are looking to settle down and start a family. Some of them lost their homes during the Bandersnatch Blitz, some of them fought bravely in the conflict. Who are we to make homeless a veteran who fought at The Hill of Uisneach? Who lost their home to a Black Iron bomb? We need to give them that opportunity - I encourage the Council to pursue my New Fairy Town Act of 2015 to build these poor creatures the housing, nay, the life they deserve. New Towns poured lovingly of concrete just off the motorway will give each fae a place to live in a convenient high rise building. They will have access to shops, jobs at the cobbler mills, and civic facilities all safe and secure behind iron walls - separate from mankind (except, of course, for the mandatory Changeling Inspections - let's be real here). Those fairies that decline this opportunity will, of course, be deported or dissipated as the Bureau of Fae Affairs sees fit.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:51 AM on March 4, 2015 [14 favorites]

First they came for the gnomes, and I said nothing because I was not a gnome...
posted by Doktor Zed at 7:03 AM on March 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

It's all fun and games until they seduce your lovers, steal your babies and your grandparents, get your daughters pregnant, blind the lady of the house, and try to kill King Arthur.

We really don't need to worry about that since the introduction of DDT. Also, fairies can't stand the EM emissions of electrical lines. 'S a fact. They've done studies.
posted by happyroach at 7:03 AM on March 4, 2015

We seem to have lost our rightful fear of fairies. It's all fun and games until they seduce your lovers, steal your babies and your grandparents, get your daughters pregnant, blind the lady of the house, and try to kill King Arthur.

See, Pratchett understood this:
“Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake,
and if you want to find snakes look for them
behind words that have changed their meaning.
No one ever said elves are nice.
Elves are bad.”
posted by leotrotsky at 7:21 AM on March 4, 2015 [10 favorites]

Isn't there some sort of Fey-Trapper Royal or something to deal with infestations like this? Some raggedy lookin feral type with a terrier and little ankle-hold traps the size of poker chips? Is there some royal law that you have to send the ears and snout to the Queen, like when a dolphin washes up on the shore?

I mean, they could just spray. But that probably makes the ears & snout smell funny when sent to the Palace.

Get the Fey-trapper in. This shit gets out of hand, next thing you know there are Narnians moving into people's closest, and we know what a clusterfuck that is.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 7:44 AM on March 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

They're a bit funny looking and a bit twee. But this is a level of community involvement with woodland that we very rarely see, and even less rarely see concrete evidence of. It's the opposite of the Joshua Tree tagging behaviour, and this is one woodland which, at present at least, is a long way down the housing developers' hit list.
posted by cromagnon at 7:46 AM on March 4, 2015

Forget Pratchett, Susanna Clarke taught me to stay well away from faeries.
posted by maryr at 8:05 AM on March 4, 2015 [6 favorites]

"We had a complete fairy fairground arrive, but we rejected that planning proposal."

'And by "rejected", we mean "ran over with the lawnmower".'

Also.
posted by Pinback at 8:45 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

To connect this to the bees thread, clearly the best plan for enterprising fairies is to become migrant agricultural workers.
posted by idiopath at 8:52 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

We really don't need to worry about that since the introduction of DDT. Also, fairies can't stand the EM emissions of electrical lines. 'S a fact. They've done studies.

There's a small cadre living in the back yard and they don't seem bothered. May be a mutant offshoot that have evolved a resistance to EM, but they've even set up a Raspberry Pi as a server. Don't know what they use for terminals though.
posted by JHarris at 10:07 AM on March 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

The first fairy door I ever found was near the first geocache I ever tried to find; it was an enormous distraction. :7)
posted by wenestvedt at 10:42 AM on March 4, 2015

"We had a complete fairy fairground arrive, but we rejected that planning proposal."

Said Mr. Acreman, Weyford Woods trustee heh
posted by glasseyes at 10:48 AM on March 4, 2015

Also, fairies can't stand the EM emissions of electrical lines. 'S a fact. They've done studies.

I'd like to buy your rock.
posted by flaterik at 2:08 PM on March 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Time out, did anyone call dibs on "Elfin Construction" yet??? Because I could do a whole lot with that. OMG.
posted by polly_dactyl at 2:20 PM on March 4, 2015

my find of fairies....
posted by Redhush at 4:57 PM on March 4, 2015

The glue and glitter on some of those doors can potentially make young Fey sick. I'm not surprised the council wants them removed; it's their duty under the Elfin Safety Act.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:50 AM on March 5, 2015 [3 favorites]

my find of fairies

Yeah, the ones in our backyard caught sight of that Blackheath Woods video and are righteously offended. It's hard enough making it in the world when you're two inches tall and nearly everyone thinks you're fictional without filmmakers outright demonizing you.

I heard little Eudora back there cries herself to sleep every night half sticking out of a thimble she's drained of vodka. Apparently job prospects are not that great for the wee folk.
posted by JHarris at 1:57 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

Apparently job prospects are not that great for the wee folk.

Wouldn't those be boggarts?
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:47 PM on March 5, 2015