My Father, the Philosopher
March 5, 2015 2:22 PM Subscribe
Emily Adler remembers her father:
If your father is a philosopher, then you should expect to lose many arguments. You will never lose “because life isn’t fair,” or because your dad “says so.” You will always lose on strict logical grounds… If your father is a philosopher, your premises must support your conclusion. Then, maybe once or twice in a childhood filled with lost arguments, you will win. When you win, you win big.
A year after the report card fiasco, my father published an article called “Lying, Deceiving or Falsely Implicating.” He considered whether there is a justified moral distinction between lying and deception. He was so worried about lying, that he was also worried about deception masquerading as not-lying.
Whoa. I'm literally about to teach some material from this paper and would have done so today if it weren't for a snow day. Crazy coincidence to hear about this backstory, which I honestly would never have imagined. (paywalled link, sorry I don't have better.)
posted by advil at 2:52 PM on March 5, 2015 [5 favorites]
Whoa. I'm literally about to teach some material from this paper and would have done so today if it weren't for a snow day. Crazy coincidence to hear about this backstory, which I honestly would never have imagined. (paywalled link, sorry I don't have better.)
posted by advil at 2:52 PM on March 5, 2015 [5 favorites]
The bit at the end about zero and non-zero numbers was touching.
posted by Bentobox Humperdinck at 2:53 PM on March 5, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Bentobox Humperdinck at 2:53 PM on March 5, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is also true when your father is both a lawyer and an engineer. You might then grow up, study causation/probability and learn your own way to very very carefully word things. You can sense he's proud of your ability to do this. And you realize how much your father constructed certain aspects of your family life around his logic that you are now able to, in your own way, deconstruct. And why your mother trusts you to rephrase her viewpoints in a format he considers logical (as opposed to emotional). Emotions and logic are not as distinct as some want to believe.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 3:14 PM on March 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 3:14 PM on March 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
When, after hosting a dinner party, you, his culturally well-rounded friends request regular coffee, he ignores you and makes decaf.
Sorry, Emily, I hate your dad.
posted by languagehat at 3:14 PM on March 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
Sorry, Emily, I hate your dad.
posted by languagehat at 3:14 PM on March 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
I thought the bit about the misremembered (?) back seat incident in the car was interesting. How people can be so certain that they remember something correctly.
This was really well-written.
posted by Omnomnom at 3:29 PM on March 5, 2015 [2 favorites]
This was really well-written.
posted by Omnomnom at 3:29 PM on March 5, 2015 [2 favorites]
> The bit at the end about zero and non-zero numbers was touching.
It kills me that she has all these loving things to say about her father, and instead of giving the proper toast at his 60th birthday party while he can appreciate them, she's telling all of them to us after he's died. It kills me that most of the essays about people's parents that I read here on MeFi are in the past tense.
But I suppose it's still a eulogy even if it's said while the parent is alive. Whether the sentiment is “this is what I miss about you” or “this is what I will miss about you one day.”
i am in bummer mode i guess
posted by savetheclocktower at 3:32 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
It kills me that she has all these loving things to say about her father, and instead of giving the proper toast at his 60th birthday party while he can appreciate them, she's telling all of them to us after he's died. It kills me that most of the essays about people's parents that I read here on MeFi are in the past tense.
But I suppose it's still a eulogy even if it's said while the parent is alive. Whether the sentiment is “this is what I miss about you” or “this is what I will miss about you one day.”
i am in bummer mode i guess
posted by savetheclocktower at 3:32 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
-calls Mom -
posted by thelonius at 3:38 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by thelonius at 3:38 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
I love philosophy (or I once did, maybe) but I'd rather have a physicist Dad, I think. They know how to blow stuff up, and they can also stretch your mind with deep puzzles about the world, which physically works quite a bit differently than kids' theories of it.
posted by thelonius at 3:41 PM on March 5, 2015
posted by thelonius at 3:41 PM on March 5, 2015
It kills me that she has all these loving things to say about her father...
I think the point of the toast story is that in order to properly toast her father, her father's "honesty" would require her to admit that, in addition to loving him, she is also angry with him:
posted by ennui.bz at 3:43 PM on March 5, 2015 [8 favorites]
I think the point of the toast story is that in order to properly toast her father, her father's "honesty" would require her to admit that, in addition to loving him, she is also angry with him:
Every single thing I hold against him—making sure I knew I was in the lowest reading group, not the highest; telling me I could get a hamster only if I wrote an essay on the hamster species first; giving me math problems to solve on Saturday morning was done to make me be better and smarter and nicer.the man who is always right and only wants her to be a better person.
And you all know it too. You too are in awe of my father. How could someone be so devastatingly exacting and kind?
posted by ennui.bz at 3:43 PM on March 5, 2015 [8 favorites]
(also, IMHO, the "trolley/train" problem when posed as an ethical question is about sandbagging undergraduates and young children, it's really more a question about the foundations of your ethical system)
posted by ennui.bz at 3:47 PM on March 5, 2015
posted by ennui.bz at 3:47 PM on March 5, 2015
thelonius, my husband has a philosopher dad (and mom, for that matter) and ended up becoming a physicist in protest. In no way, shape, or form is he capable of blowing anything up, but he does like puzzles.
posted by Diagonalize at 3:52 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Diagonalize at 3:52 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
The trolley thing brings out a real problem about how to think about the consequences of inaction, and your responsibility for them, but I'm sure there's other stuff going on there too.
obligatory parody
posted by thelonius at 4:04 PM on March 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
obligatory parody
posted by thelonius at 4:04 PM on March 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
(also, IMHO, the "trolley/train" problem when posed as an ethical question is about sandbagging undergraduates and young children, it's really more a question about the foundations of your ethical system)
Yeah there's isn't really a wrong answer to that question. I get that it's really just about what it felt like talking to her father and his friends but you'd think they wouldn't just leave it there without explaining.
Also of course this is what it's like when your father is an analytic philosopher. Somebody out there has a philosopher dad who would be happy to talk about Foucault.
posted by atoxyl at 5:16 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah there's isn't really a wrong answer to that question. I get that it's really just about what it felt like talking to her father and his friends but you'd think they wouldn't just leave it there without explaining.
Also of course this is what it's like when your father is an analytic philosopher. Somebody out there has a philosopher dad who would be happy to talk about Foucault.
posted by atoxyl at 5:16 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Sorry, Emily, I hate your dad.
A lot of the essay seems to be about how you can find a parent supremely irritating but still love them and know they made you the person you are, and miss it all when they're gone.
posted by atoxyl at 5:26 PM on March 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
A lot of the essay seems to be about how you can find a parent supremely irritating but still love them and know they made you the person you are, and miss it all when they're gone.
posted by atoxyl at 5:26 PM on March 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
So choked up right now. I miss my infuriating mother, I am of course very sympathetic to Emily and her loss which is so beautifully described, and as a father who has debated with his daughter his whole life, I worry that I am her Dad. Also, I'm going to die*.
*don't worry, not any time soon I hope.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:15 PM on March 5, 2015
*don't worry, not any time soon I hope.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:15 PM on March 5, 2015
What a moving, wonderful essay. Thanks for posting.
posted by wittgenstein at 8:40 PM on March 5, 2015
posted by wittgenstein at 8:40 PM on March 5, 2015
Thursday night crying is the best crying (?)
This is lovely. Thanks for posting.
posted by librarina at 10:32 PM on March 5, 2015
This is lovely. Thanks for posting.
posted by librarina at 10:32 PM on March 5, 2015
Who is this philosopher-famous Paul?
posted by The Potate at 2:39 AM on March 6, 2015
posted by The Potate at 2:39 AM on March 6, 2015
> A lot of the essay seems to be about how you can find a parent supremely irritating but still love them and know they made you the person you are, and miss it all when they're gone.
Yes, I get that. Her point was well taken and beautifully made. My point was a different one. My point was that people who serve decaf to people whose system craves caffeine are worse than Hitler.
/a caffeine addict
posted by languagehat at 6:39 AM on March 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yes, I get that. Her point was well taken and beautifully made. My point was a different one. My point was that people who serve decaf to people whose system craves caffeine are worse than Hitler.
/a caffeine addict
posted by languagehat at 6:39 AM on March 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I really enjoyed that. Thanks for posting
posted by Vitamaster at 7:58 AM on March 6, 2015
posted by Vitamaster at 7:58 AM on March 6, 2015
This was so beautiful!
posted by sallybrown at 11:01 AM on March 6, 2015
posted by sallybrown at 11:01 AM on March 6, 2015
I didn't really mean that as a counterpoint to you languagehat, I meant that there are lots of behaviors described with the suggestion that they drove her nuts.
posted by atoxyl at 9:40 PM on March 6, 2015
posted by atoxyl at 9:40 PM on March 6, 2015
Regular/decaf. Deceit/lying. C/B+. Hmm.
posted by forgetful snow at 7:18 AM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by forgetful snow at 7:18 AM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by Wolfdog at 2:46 PM on March 5, 2015 [9 favorites]