'ARE YOU READY TO GO INTO THE SEX BOX?'
March 11, 2015 9:26 AM   Subscribe

Sex Box: [YouTube]
Sex Box: A television show where people have sex in a box and three total strangers gossip about their box sex.
via: The Verge
posted by Fizz (144 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite


 
This concept would maybe approach being interesting if they did a The Price Is Right! style audience couple selection shtick.
posted by PMdixon at 9:31 AM on March 11, 2015 [14 favorites]


This concept would maybe approach being interesting if they did a The Price Is Right! style audience couple selection shtick.

Oh my god!?! Please, don't give Lifetime or Discovery channel any ideas.
posted by Fizz at 9:33 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


I feel like a producer at We TV overheard someone mis-pronouncing "Xbox" and decided, right then and there, that they had to make a show named "Sex Box". It all flows from the name.
posted by zrail at 9:34 AM on March 11, 2015 [7 favorites]


I kept waiting for the sides of the box to fall open.

Oh, and also, what the fuck society?
posted by ODiV at 9:36 AM on March 11, 2015 [9 favorites]


Mitchell & Webb
posted by Sys Rq at 9:37 AM on March 11, 2015 [48 favorites]


Oh, and also, what the fuck society?

I did add a 'horrible' metafilter tag.
posted by Fizz at 9:38 AM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


This commercial implies that one of the panelists tells the lesbian couple that "I have certain beliefs." I know that that's what teasers for reality shows do -- they suggest that something shocking will happen that never quite happens. But it still annoys me.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:39 AM on March 11, 2015


it should be a cardboard box, that they select from a pile of used appliance boxes, together.

And then they should have to take it with them when they leave.
posted by bricksNmortar at 9:39 AM on March 11, 2015 [6 favorites]


The AV club review headline says everything I need to know about this show.

WE tv’s Sex Box does no justice to sex, some justice to boxes
posted by dinty_moore at 9:40 AM on March 11, 2015 [23 favorites]


Oh, and also, what the fuck society?

It's just "seven minutes in heaven." No one actually does anything during "seven minutes in heaven." Or at least that's what Melissa told me in grade 7.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:41 AM on March 11, 2015 [33 favorites]


"Okay, so our couple has been in there for a good 20 minutes now, so we'll give a little knock, open the door and... Oh fuck! Shit, shit shit! Not again! Oh hell. We really need to put 'turn on the air' on a checklist somewhere!"
posted by ODiV at 9:42 AM on March 11, 2015 [15 favorites]


I'm sure I've seen something similar on British TV. No actual shagging was shown though, which somewhat defeated the object.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:42 AM on March 11, 2015


I'm sure I've seen something similar on British TV.

Yep. It's an import of a British series of the same name.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:43 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Man, you know, the Lonely Island videos are getting harder to distinguish from actual bad TV.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:44 AM on March 11, 2015 [6 favorites]


Someone care to share a link to Charlie Brooker's review of this idea?
posted by ocschwar at 9:44 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


I guess if the original was shit, there's less complaining about how much the US version ruined the original?
posted by dinty_moore at 9:44 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Unless you're over 30, you weren't promised an oppressive cyberpunk dystopia. You were promised a darkly satirical idiot future crammed with sight gags of ridiculous TV shows. Here you go.
posted by theodolite at 9:46 AM on March 11, 2015 [87 favorites]


(Slightly) better than the the X-Box Live TV show where three teenaged strangers gossip about being balls-deep in my mom.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:46 AM on March 11, 2015 [18 favorites]


I really thought this was a parody; I wasn't entirely convinced it was real until I saw the AV Club review.
posted by jordemort at 9:47 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


No. No, I am not ready to go into the sex box. We discussed this already.
posted by Kitteh at 9:47 AM on March 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


Oh. This is a thing. This is a real thing.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 9:48 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Some college student will force themselves to watch episode after episode of this to figure out what it says about our society. Think of them and feel pity.
posted by dinty_moore at 9:48 AM on March 11, 2015 [9 favorites]


For the longest time, I thought this was supposed to be a parody of the Onion's "Sex House" (previously....)
posted by subversiveasset at 9:50 AM on March 11, 2015 [17 favorites]


Don't ever ask," how low can reality TV go?", because you'll regret finding out the answer to that question.
posted by octothorpe at 9:51 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Charlie Brooker skewering this awful, awful format as per ocschwar's request
posted by NordyneDefenceDynamics at 9:52 AM on March 11, 2015 [13 favorites]


Oh, and also, what the fuck society?

I don't know why people are ignoring your question.

The fuck society meets on every second Wednesday for the purpose of exploring all aspects of fuck.
posted by srboisvert at 9:52 AM on March 11, 2015 [31 favorites]


Right, well, it was a great run while it lasted, civilization, but it's over now. Time to shut down the lights and return to the swamps.
posted by cmoj at 9:54 AM on March 11, 2015


...on every second Wednesday for...
posted by maxwelton at 9:54 AM on March 11, 2015


Oh, and also, what the fuck society?

I don't know why people are ignoring your question.

The fuck society meets on every second Wednesday for the purpose of exploring all aspects of fuck.
posted by srboisvert at 12:52 PM on March 11 [+] [!]


*shows up with none*

I have none to give.
posted by Fizz at 9:55 AM on March 11, 2015 [11 favorites]


...and return to the swamps.
i.e., the box after 20 minutes.
posted by maxwelton at 9:56 AM on March 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


Charlie Brooker skewering this awful, awful format as per ocschwar's request

"The brave fucksplorers went in two-by-two, a bit like the animals on Noah's ark..."

When Mariella was presenting this she was also hosting a literature discussion show on Radio 4, which I think you have to admire as a broad cultural range to traverse.
posted by sobarel at 9:57 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


The best comment (although probably inevitable) from the AV Club review:
ONE--Put your girl in a box
TWO--Have some sex in that box
THREE--Walk out of the box
And that's the way you do it!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:59 AM on March 11, 2015 [12 favorites]


Schrodinger's relationship.
posted by Mchelly at 10:03 AM on March 11, 2015 [22 favorites]


The future of television will be wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience that grades your performance, and bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon. And a cooking show.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:03 AM on March 11, 2015 [8 favorites]


Fox became a hardcore sex network so gradually, I hardly noticed. ~ Marge Simpson
posted by Fizz at 10:05 AM on March 11, 2015 [17 favorites]


Why the hell are the trying to spin this as couples therapy?
posted by maryr at 10:08 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Idiocracy" has come to life. No more need for fiction.
posted by mermayd at 10:09 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


A description of the British original. It says, "Sex Box ran for one series and was released as part of Channel 4's "Campaign for Real Sex", which the channel described as "a series of programmes which aim to reclaim sex from porn"."

The rest of that Campaign for Real Sex makes more sense than the Sex Box show, which apparently died after one season in the UK. Channel 4 is public television. I would not expect Fox to launch a Campaign for Real Sex in the US.
posted by beagle at 10:09 AM on March 11, 2015


In the "Primer" box, only the mind got fucked.
posted by davebush at 10:10 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


I would love a Let's Make a Deal type situation, where you have sex with who's in the box, but you don't know what's in which box until you get in there. Also, you'd have to wear costumes in order to get picked. A guy dressed as a giant dolphin who has to go through with having sex with the barista at Starbucks who spells his name wrong every time would be much more entertaining to me.
posted by xingcat at 10:11 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


No one actually does anything during "seven minutes in heaven."

The First Rule of Seven Minutes in Heaven is...
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:11 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


...brush your teeth.
posted by maryr at 10:13 AM on March 11, 2015 [9 favorites]


Someone took Sex House and made it real!
posted by schroedinger at 10:14 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Idiocracy" has come to life.

Also known as "Sex House".
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:15 AM on March 11, 2015


if the original was shit

Scheiß Box was only ever a regional hit in Germany.
posted by yoink at 10:15 AM on March 11, 2015 [25 favorites]


You've been watching Sex Box. Coming up next, the new game show What Price Dignity?
posted by Ratio at 10:17 AM on March 11, 2015 [11 favorites]


An excellent question. What's the compensation? Are the participants here having sex for scale?
posted by maryr at 10:19 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


The fuck society meets on every second Wednesday for the purpose of exploring all aspects of fuck.

Prospective members have been hard to come by since the failure of the last expedition to return
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:20 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


That's just an Oglaf strip waiting to happen, innit?
posted by maryr at 10:20 AM on March 11, 2015 [10 favorites]


I would love a Let's Make a Deal type situation

Occasionally there's a goat in the box.
posted by bondcliff at 10:26 AM on March 11, 2015 [38 favorites]


At the end of the season, we auction the box off for charity!
posted by ODiV at 10:30 AM on March 11, 2015


If there was ever a set up that begged for the clown car gag, this is it.
posted by ODiV at 10:31 AM on March 11, 2015 [10 favorites]


Don't ever ask," how low can reality TV go?", because you'll regret finding out the answer to that question.

for what it's worth, I thought the plastic surgery show was worse than 'Sex Box.' The thing about 'sex box' is that it's basically just living with housemates who have sex lives, but that conversation you have is on the TV:

"Oh, they're at it again. A bit loud this time."

"She's so short, how do they do it?"

"I like this one, he doesn't leave a mess in the bathroom."

It's not really inherently degrading and the bonus is that on the TV show they don't forget to close the door or think no one is going to come home.
posted by ennui.bz at 10:32 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


I would love a Let's Make a Deal type situation, where you have sex with who's in the box, but you don't know what's in which box until you get in there. Also, you'd have to wear costumes in order to get picked.
This description is oddly close to Sexy Beasts on BBC3. Except for the having sex part.
posted by glasseyes at 10:36 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


This description is oddly close to Sexy Beasts on BBC3. Except for the having sex part.

I'm not going to click this link because I want to believe "Sexy Beasts" is made up entirely of interviews with zookeepers talking about the sex lives on the animals they take care of/imprison.
posted by ennui.bz at 10:41 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


If I wanted to hear strangers talk about the sex they've been having without caring who's listening, I'd ride the bus, thank you very much.
posted by Spatch at 10:41 AM on March 11, 2015 [13 favorites]


If this is the end game of sex positive culture, I'm depressed.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:44 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Is everyone here really that prudish? Or maybe it's just this sensationalist preview. But I've watched an episode of the UK version and it's actually kind of nice to see a relaxed and open take on sex. The advice that the "sexperts" gave wasn't really anything that groundbreaking but it was interesting to see that advice actually be given as part of a dialogue rather than just reading an advice column.
posted by mr. manager at 10:49 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


If there was ever a set up that begged for the clown car gag, this is it.

Tune in next time when Sex Box hooks up with Sister Wives for Sex Box: Utah!
posted by Beti at 10:49 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Occasionally there's a goat in the box.

Yeah, but you have a one in two chance of fucking the car.
posted by yoink at 10:53 AM on March 11, 2015 [37 favorites]


Is everyone here really that prudish?

They literally have a box, lit and on stage, for you to go have sex in. How is that not ridiculous? Is that required for a relaxed and open take on sex? Well maybe it is if you want to get it on TV these days.

Also, we just say manager.
posted by ODiV at 10:54 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


On Sexy Beasts you have sex with a psychopathic Ben Kingsley. In a box.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:57 AM on March 11, 2015 [7 favorites]


So...9 months later does Schrodinger's baby come out of the box?
posted by sexyrobot at 10:58 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


How stupid. To be truly successful, this should incorporate far more of Whose Line is it Anyway? and something like The Price is Right. You have a group of porn stars, and random audience members are selected to perform improvised sex acts with them on stage; pairings (or groups) are graded by a wisecracking host on how well they performed, and in the end somebody is declared a winner.
posted by nubs at 10:59 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I wonder how long you could sit in there (bring a book?) before they would come and check on you.
posted by ODiV at 11:00 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah, but you have a one in two chance of fucking the car.

Speaking of which, why hasn't some hip young reality TV producer tried to turn 'Crash' into a concept?
posted by ennui.bz at 11:04 AM on March 11, 2015


I seriously doubt they actually have sex in the box. It would be easier for everyone involved for them not to, and 'reality' tv is notorious for taking shortcuts whenever possible. There probably isn't even a bed in the box: just some snacks, a timer, and exercise bikes for the participants to work up a sweat.
posted by Pyry at 11:04 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'd only do it if there were dwarves. Don't click on that at work. Doesn't break any rules but you could still get fired.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 11:04 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also, we just say manager.

I thought you were talking about the box and I misread that as 'manger', which made me laugh. Sex Manger can be the Xmas episode.
posted by painquale at 11:06 AM on March 11, 2015 [9 favorites]


Think of the spin-off possibilities:

A show entirely about divorced couples attempting reconciliation: Ex Sex Box

A show about wiccan sex: Sex Hex Box

A show about sex/food fetishists: Tex-Mex Sex Box
posted by yoink at 11:14 AM on March 11, 2015 [14 favorites]


The First Rule of Seven Minutes in Heaven is...

...be on time.
posted by eriko at 11:14 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


I own a sex manger. Do you have a goddamned problem with that?
posted by TheRedArmy at 11:15 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


My reality tv idea:

Sexvivor

take a group of people ... randomly make pairs ... one pair at a time has sex ... while the others watch and are free to comment ... dont show the sex on tv, just the commentators reactions to the sex going on in front of them and the sounds from the sex.

May be show blurred out shots of some particularly funny parts/actions ...

let people vote on the worst sex couple to be chucked out ...

who is with me?
posted by TheLittlePrince at 11:15 AM on March 11, 2015


Jay Sherman's advice still applies today.
posted by Librarypt at 11:16 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


How did we get this far without anyone referencing the Mr. Show sketch?

SCREWBALLZ
posted by RobotHero at 11:16 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


That AV Club article referenced above is a fantastic piece of work. Assesses the "show" very thoroughly, & also contains some GEMS. For instance, in taking down the show's explanation that sex-related oxytocin leads to more open discussion, the author writes that "if that’s the case, the show could just as easily be called Puppy Box, because petting a dog also raises oxytocin..." Joshua Alston, you have made a new fan, sir.
posted by foodbedgospel at 11:19 AM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


Jesus Christ. This was disturbing enough when The Onion did it, and it was fake.
posted by schmod at 11:23 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


A show about sex/food fetishists: Tex-Mex Sex Box

And when the sex is with a paddle and a beetle and the beetle's in a bottle and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles, it's a a muddle puddle beetle poodle noodle bottle paddle orgy.
posted by mrgoat at 11:34 AM on March 11, 2015 [18 favorites]




Someone care to share a link to Charlie Brooker's review of this idea?

what if sex in a box, but too much
posted by gwint at 11:34 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


There's a button on top of the box, and if you press it you get a million dollars. But someone, somewhere, will experience "le petit mort".
posted by Kabanos at 11:35 AM on March 11, 2015 [7 favorites]


"...because petting a dog also raises oxytocin, as does riding a rollercoaster, though the producers can be forgiven for avoiding the cost-prohibitive and logistically arduous task of building a rollercoaster inside of a box."

*slow clap*
posted by zakur at 11:35 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Thorzdad:The future of television will be wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience that grades your performance, and bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon. And a cooking show.

And all three shows will be hosted by the cast of Pawn Stars - unless, of course, Guy Fieri's schedule opens up.
posted by item at 11:36 AM on March 11, 2015


Sex in a box! What a country!
posted by jonmc at 11:38 AM on March 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


I kept seeing ads for this show and was thinking it was a rather sad idea, because I can't imagine it helping in any real way to improve the relationships of the participants. Or be good TV, to be honest. Then I read the over the top Anti-Sex Box screed from Fox News and became very conflicted. How bad can it be....
posted by gemmy at 11:39 AM on March 11, 2015


Brad Pitt screaming at Morgan Freeman "What's in the sex box (repeating)". Kevin Spacey looks smug. And scene.
posted by humanfont at 11:44 AM on March 11, 2015 [17 favorites]


=(
posted by evidenceofabsence at 11:44 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


A box isn't very romantic. They should have called it "sex cube". That sounds cooler, doesn't it?
posted by MattMangels at 11:45 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


I would probably watch "The Doin' It Quadrangle."
posted by Navelgazer at 11:46 AM on March 11, 2015 [9 favorites]


The Tantric Trapezoid. The Randy Rhombus. The Polyamorous Parallelogram.
posted by jedicus at 11:50 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


No, wait, "The Heavy Petting Parallelogram."
posted by jedicus at 11:51 AM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


When I was college a couple friends of mine needed a last-minute Halloween costume so they went as "sex in a box." This entailed writing "SEX IN A BOX" on the side of a cardboard box, cutting holes for their legs and heads to stick out while he stood behind her, and shuffling around. It was way more entertaining than this sounds.
posted by contraption at 11:54 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, live on Fox.
I will not do it on the stage.
I will not do it in a cage.
I will not do it here or there.
I will not do it on the air.
I do not want the world to see.
I do not like it, WeTV.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:57 AM on March 11, 2015 [33 favorites]


Bootysphere
posted by Navelgazer at 11:57 AM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Sadly for the show's makers, their searing documentary series about the damaging effects of normative gender assumptions in government form design is not getting the serious attention it deserves.
posted by yoink at 11:57 AM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


"Sex Box, Sex Box, you're on Sex Box."

Like seriously, how is Tom Jones or a Tom Jones impersonator not singing the theme song for this show?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:58 AM on March 11, 2015 [8 favorites]


Eh, I'll hold off for the "Shoggoth in a hypercube" spinoff.
posted by Slackermagee at 12:00 PM on March 11, 2015


Gleaming the Cube?
posted by gwint at 12:02 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


A show about wiccan sex: Sex Hex Box

If you combine it with that book on Wiccan divorce from the FPP last week, you could have Ex Sex Hex Box. If you did that, and it got cancelled, then revived for an additional season, and you outfitted the box with a Star Trek clock so the participants would know how much time they had left to endure each others' company in the box, that would be the Next Ex Sex Hex Box Spock clock.

Tick Tock.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:02 PM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


The future of television will be wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience that grades your performance, and bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon. And a cooking show.

Let's Hunt, Fuck, Kill and Cook Billy Ray Cyrus
posted by delfin at 12:07 PM on March 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


@zrail -- the Microsoft Kinect will in fact respond to "Sex Box" or "Sex Bot"...
posted by cacophony at 12:14 PM on March 11, 2015


Gleaming the Cube?

No--sigh--just cleaning the lube.
posted by yoink at 12:18 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sex Box
Isn't it nice?
Luring disco dollies
To a life of vice
posted by The Tensor at 12:20 PM on March 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


One more schroedinger joke and I'm turning this car around.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 12:21 PM on March 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


"if that’s the case, the show could just as easily be called Puppy Box, because petting a dog also raises oxytocin..."
posted by foodbedgospel at 12:19 on March 11


No, wait, "The Heavy Petting Parallelogram."
posted by jedicus at 12:51 on March 11


So, like a Newfoundland dog or a Saint Bernard in the box?
posted by angiep at 12:22 PM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


One more schroedinger joke and I'm turning this car around.

What if the wave function of the punchline never collapses?
posted by yoink at 12:25 PM on March 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


Is this real? It can't be real. Please say it isn't real.

Please?
posted by slogger at 12:26 PM on March 11, 2015


In some ways, this isn't surprising to me, because the idea of being on reality tv for any reason is so horrifying (no escape! no escape!) that having people camped outside your onstage sex box hardly seems worse. If you're ok with people watching you have that same nasty embarrassing fight with your inlaws, or examine the terrible quality of your housekeeping, then sure, you'd let them hang out while you do this. I'm just surprised the "judges" aren't actually watching, sports-commenter style. Guess that's next.
posted by emjaybee at 12:26 PM on March 11, 2015


A show about sex/food fetishists: Tex-Mex Sex Box

Don't forget to spice it up with Texas Pete® Hot Sauce!
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:28 PM on March 11, 2015


I saw the UK version with (Mefi's Most Hated) Dan Savage. That's one project he seems eager to forget. As I recall, it was much less offensive than this series appears to be.

TBH, Sex Box is much, much tamer than I expected considering all the on-camera sex that takes place on Big Brother and the like. I was expecting clips from inside the box, otherwise, who says they're actually having sex in there? In fact, considering the time restraints and costs of filming, I'm guessing it doesn't really happen. Whose job is it to clean that box, anyway? No internship is worth that.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 12:33 PM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


So a couple has sex in a box in front of a live studio audience. And then a pastor is brought in and comments on the whole thing.

Sometimes I love the absolute absurdity of my country.

Sounds like the next step is to make the box translucent, and commentators (including the pastor!) do a play-by-play.
posted by honestcoyote at 12:36 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


the next step is to make the box translucent, and commentators (including the pastor!) do a play-by-play.

No lie, I would watch that.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 12:44 PM on March 11, 2015


OK, Sex Box, maybe. But it's no Fuck Dynasty.

OK, so I thought up the above joke - har har - and was about to post it and then wondered, "Huh, is there such a thing as...? because, apparently, I forgot Rule 34. And all I can say is , yes, Fuck Dynasty is a thing, or maybe as many as 2.6M things, but that's as far as my research is taking me today, ladies and gents. [First link SLYT, all links potentially NSF work or life]
posted by mosk at 12:51 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


We're doomed.
posted by ob1quixote at 1:28 PM on March 11, 2015


It never even occurred to me that this might not be a parody until I actually clicked the link.

When's the next bus to Mars?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:40 PM on March 11, 2015


Like seriously, how is Tom Jones or a Tom Jones impersonator not singing the theme song for this show?

Now I've been singing a fake theme song to Sex Box for fifteen minutes, so thanks for that...

Sex box, sex box, you’re on sex box
The prudish will despise it though there aren’t a lot of shocks
Sex box, sex box, you’re on sex box
Our show’s as subtle as an ox

Sex box, sex box, you’re on sex box
We wait with bated breath for word your fabled boots have knocked
Sex box, sex box, you’re on sex box
It’s dumber than a pile of rocks
posted by ilana at 1:41 PM on March 11, 2015 [9 favorites]


"Hey, Xan, this is weird, but have you ever been in a love triangle before?"

"That Lucite pyramid in Jacqueline's room?"
posted by Servo5678 at 1:46 PM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


Now I've been singing a fake theme song to Sex Box for fifteen minutes, so thanks for that...


No, no, THANK YOU for your lyrics.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:17 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Sex Box is a little old place where
we can get together..."
posted by idiopath at 2:18 PM on March 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


or maybe

sex box baby, yeah
posted by idiopath at 2:20 PM on March 11, 2015


wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience...bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon. And a cooking show.

Immediately after you clicked post, a TV producer somewhere in the stygian depths of Los Angeles woke up covered in sweat from a fever dream whispering hoarsely, "...at the same time...at the same time..."
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 2:33 PM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


Uh...nah, sounds like church.
posted by phoebus at 2:40 PM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


I would go into a sex box. I often have been in a sex box. There is fun to be had in a sex box. Just not this particular sex box.
posted by Splunge at 3:13 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


So I've been wondering how sturdy that thing is. If you and your partner got in there and really took a run at the wall, could you knock it over?

Also, I just watched the trailer again and I really enjoy how to box appears to loom over the discussion in some shots. Like the monolith from 2001.
posted by ODiV at 4:08 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


fuckin tell me what to do in the box, this's America... do whatever I want in that box, you ain't getting' yer deposit back Charlie, tell you fuckin' what
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:39 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I would go into a sex box. I often have been in a sex box. There is fun to be had in a sex box. Just not this particular sex box.

Splunge, was that meant to be sung to the tune of "Strange Town" by the Jam?
posted by ducky l'orange at 5:20 PM on March 11, 2015


Actually, I was assuming Spinal Tap's "Hell Hole".
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:23 PM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


One more schroedinger joke and I'm maybe turning this car around.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:43 PM on March 11, 2015 [6 favorites]


They should give them guns and call it "sex or death box." The fun comes from trying to guess how many people are going to come out of the box.
posted by sexyrobot at 5:50 PM on March 11, 2015


A show about sex/food fetishists: Tex-Mex Sex Box

If you want to more efficiently use space and materials, you'd show Tex-Mex Sex Hex.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:51 PM on March 11, 2015


Issues with the show include, one, I need to get into real shape for it, if I wish to be a contestant; second, did they kind of take this idea from Cafe Flesh? Because I thought it was going to go to, "In a world gone terribly wrong, where BMI averages exceed 40, emerges a group of people performing sex acts for people too fat to fuck.." and third, oh hell, forget it, I am going to walk around my house until my pedometer says, ten thousand steps.
posted by jadepearl at 7:10 PM on March 11, 2015


Right after a new episode of "Ow My Balls!". Only on Fox!
posted by Poldo at 8:13 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


The future of television will be wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience that grades your performance, and bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon. And a cooking show.

"Mario Batali's Fucktagon" is testing through the roof with the 18-25s.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:20 PM on March 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh Jesus, I just read the AV Club review and I am crying with laughter: "It’s far from explicit, because what happens in the Sex Box stays in the Sex Box, though the sheets on which it happened are presumably removed by a production assistant who stands to become the poster child for unionization."

This is real? I mean, I know it's kind of weird to have that reaction to anything on TV these days, but truly, I'm astounded that such a show was pitched to anyone, anywhere, and the response was to greenlight it. And I'm even more astounded that people are willing to be on the show! SO WEIRD.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:15 AM on March 12, 2015


9 months later does Schroedinger's baby come out of the box?

Yes and no.
posted by persona au gratin at 12:45 AM on March 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Hey! My special move is the Sex Box 360. ^ ^ v v < > < > A + B
posted by longbaugh at 12:56 AM on March 12, 2015


The future of television will be wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience that grades your performance, and bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon.

One can only hope.
posted by telstar at 2:47 AM on March 12, 2015


DipFlash: One more schroedinger joke and I'm maybe turning this car around.

Mike drop.

End of thread.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:05 AM on March 12, 2015


The future of television will be wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience that grades your performance, and bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon.

Welcome to Thunderbox: "Two men enter..."
posted by Dip Flash at 6:08 AM on March 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


It is a fairly nice box, though, you must admit.
posted by digitalprimate at 6:23 AM on March 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


The future of television will be wall-to-wall live sex in front of an audience that grades your performance, and bare-knuckle, hand-to-hand combat to the death in the octagon.

Welcome to Thunderbox: "Two men enter..."


In the spirit of the honest communication that Sex Box is trying to inspire in relationships, no matter how upsetting, I need to let you all know that there's no way I wouldn't tune to this hypothetical Thunderbox program.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:24 AM on March 12, 2015


The Tantric Trapezoid. The Randy Rhombus. The Polyamorous Parallelogram.

Rule 34 The Middleman Fanfics.
posted by maryr at 10:45 AM on March 12, 2015


Anyway, I'm hearing the haunting Sex Box theme to the tune of the Flintstones.

Sex Box, you're on Sex Box
It's a modern network fantasy
Right here, in the Sex Box
They're about to shag right on TV

Let's watch while they give themselves a treat
Then we'll ask their favorite place to eat
When you're in the Sex Box
Have a yabba dabba fun time, a get 'er done time
You'll have a gay old time

posted by maryr at 10:53 AM on March 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


I have the weirdest rectangular solid right now.
posted by smidgen at 1:16 PM on March 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


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