Billy Zane is Alive and Well - Also it's Z-A-N-E
March 27, 2015 8:14 AM   Subscribe

Actor Billy Zane responds to a... somewhat confusing outpouring of grief from his fans - particularly the tween girl segment of his fandom, which is apparently far greater than he realized - who seem to believe something bad has happened to him. Billy would like to reassure his... very devoted fans he is alive and well, while wishing they'd pay a little more attention to how he spells his name....

For those of us over... well about 17 really... fans of British boy band One Direction have had their worlds shattered by the departure of member Zayn Malik . The Internet has gone absolutely batshit. Those over about 17 may not really get what all this is about, as Billy Zane demonstrates in this goofy and rather charming video.
posted by Naberius (43 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
Pretty funny, but did Billy Zane have heart surgery hastily performed through his blouse? How do you explain that jagged stitching?
posted by Think_Long at 8:19 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Is Mayim Bialik experiencing anything similar?
posted by bondcliff at 8:22 AM on March 27, 2015 [8 favorites]


Billy Zane was in a movie about murderous leprechauns called "Red Clover." It's an awful film, notable only for a character making a joke about a headline that referenced a "Sharknado," which eventually inspired the film Sharknado. And it's pretty typical for Zane's recent work, which tends to be miss and miss.

And yet he's always fun in the films, and seems to be having fun with them. I reviewed the film, so I'll just quote myself:

The film follows the rules of horror plotting slavishly — so much so that a secondary character accurately predicts the remainder of the plot about halfway through the film. And the Irish stuff is just malarkey, as Zane puts it; it’s window dressing used as an excuse to execute a series of set pieces that culminate in murder. Few of these are handled with any inventiveness, but for a moment when Billy Zane stops the action to tell a story about losing his wife at a Black Friday sale, which sounds like a pitch for another movie. Zane seems to have been given a free hand to improvise his dialogue, because he quickly drops the monologue in order to point out that his name badge on his sheriff’s uniform is misspelled. “How do these things happen?” he asks, genuinely perplexed.


In summary, I still like Billy Zane.
posted by maxsparber at 8:24 AM on March 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


"And that right there is an original Billy Zane quote."

...is approximately where I lost it. Fantastic.
posted by phunniemee at 8:26 AM on March 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


He was great as "Match" in "Back to the Future".
posted by chavenet at 8:30 AM on March 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Somebody should go check on Abe Vigoda, just to be on the safe side...
posted by schmod at 8:33 AM on March 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


His best role, to date, is as Hughie Warriner in Dead Calm.
posted by The Giant Squid at 8:33 AM on March 27, 2015 [3 favorites]




Somebody should go check on Abe Vigoda, just to be on the safe side...

Somebody has, and Abe Vigoda is alive, at least at the time of making this comment.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:40 AM on March 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


He seemed to have a lot of fun on Twin Peaks. I liked how his character went from a seemingly predatory affectation to no-this-is-just-really-who-this-guy-is.
posted by straight at 8:51 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


And it's pretty typical for Zane's recent work, which tends to be miss and miss.

...but it also includes the impressively ridiculous Amazon Instant pilot Mad Dogs, which not only zigs every time you think it will zag, but includes the long-coveted Billy Zane/Steve Zahn face-to-face matchup you didn't know you needed.
posted by psoas at 8:57 AM on March 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


The fact that Zane was in Twin Peaks is remembered by all the fans of the show and forgotten by literally everybody else. Too bad. I would have liked to see them do more with John Wheeler Justice. He had such a great name.
posted by maxsparber at 9:01 AM on March 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


This reminds me of how some people reacted when Mario Cuomo died.

No, not that Mario Cuomo. This one.

I'm a fan of both Mario Cuomos, personally. May the former enjoy the lifespan of the latter.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:14 AM on March 27, 2015


I have to go back and watch The Phantom again.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:29 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've always enjoyed Zane's work. The Phantom is just great fun, even if the tagline did the movie no favors.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:30 AM on March 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


I think if we're honest the movie did the movie no favors. But it is fun.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:33 AM on March 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


Billy Zane is and always will be the most good-looking man on the planet. I would watch him read the phone book in rapt delight.

He's also a funny guy - it's a shame they never really found the vehicle to showcase it.
posted by winna at 9:39 AM on March 27, 2015


I look at this and really wonder whether Billy Zane gets the joke or if he legitimately thinks people are Tweeting about him. Because from what I understand, he's a raging egomaniac who is notoriously difficult to work with.

So keep on keepin' on, Billy Zane. No amount of self-effacement and mugging for the camera can make up for your lack of talent and taste.
posted by mkultra at 9:52 AM on March 27, 2015


Billy Zane was great in the Mummy.
posted by I-baLL at 9:53 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I look at this and really wonder whether Billy Zane gets the joke or if he legitimately thinks people are Tweeting about him.

Yes, Billy Zane is using a well known and legitimate comedy website as a place to host an actual forserious video of him being confused and flattered about tweets and just happens to quote One Direction lyrics by complete coincidence.
posted by phunniemee at 9:59 AM on March 27, 2015 [13 favorites]


"To all you weird and wonderful 1D bloggers out there, I don’t quite understand your love, but I respect it, and I’m sorry the obviously hot one is leaving."

point of order: Harry Styles is still in 1D.

Billy Zane is just... he's one of those people who should have done one movie and vanished into obscurity. I legitimately have no idea how he's managed to have a career.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:02 AM on March 27, 2015


Why hasn't anyone made a Zane Grey western starring Billy Zane yet?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:02 AM on March 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Whenever a 1D hashtag trends, I briefly wonder if something happened to Sami Zayn.
posted by frogstar42 at 10:08 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Other media projects

In 2001, he was featured in the music video of Staind's "Epiphany".

posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:08 AM on March 27, 2015


Lovers of Wizard Rock can breathe a sigh that the lineup to Wand Erection has not changed.
posted by dr_dank at 10:12 AM on March 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


Holy cats, I forgot he appears alongside Tilda Swinton in Orlando!

One of the first films I saw him in (other than BTTF, of course) was as the Zalman King-penned potboiler Lake Consequence, in which he starred alongside Joan Severance.
posted by Gelatin at 10:14 AM on March 27, 2015


listen to your friend billy zane. he's a cool dude.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 10:20 AM on March 27, 2015 [11 favorites]


Yes, Billy Zane is using a well known and legitimate comedy website as a place to host an actual forserious video of him being confused and flattered about tweets and just happens to quote One Direction lyrics by complete coincidence.

You do know that he neither shot, directed, nor wrote the video, right?

Of course I don't think he actually thinks this is all about him. But I have no doubt that some part of him legitimately wishes it were.

I legitimately have no idea how he's managed to have a career.

He's pretty to look at. That goes a long way in the film industry, especially if you don't care who's writing your checks.
posted by mkultra at 10:31 AM on March 27, 2015


I've always enjoyed Zane's work. The Phantom is just great fun, even if the tagline did the movie no favors.

But it's so memorable.

SLAM EVIL!
posted by linux at 10:40 AM on March 27, 2015


Billy Zane was in a movie about murderous leprechauns called "Red Clover."

in going to continue to assume that this is actually a film noir murder mystery about communist agitators in the leprechaun gold mines...
posted by ennui.bz at 10:54 AM on March 27, 2015


Billy Zane is just... he's one of those people who should have done one movie and vanished into obscurity. I legitimately have no idea how he's managed to have a career.

the mystery of Mr. Zane's so-called career actually came up in a previous thread
posted by philip-random at 11:22 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I recall Zane was truly delightful in Demon Knight, though it's been ages since I've seen it and beer might have been involved.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 11:30 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ah Billy, I've loved you ever since you practically made me pee myself in terror the first time I saw Dead Calm (in the theater). Now I love you more.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 11:31 AM on March 27, 2015


You do know that he neither shot, directed, nor wrote the video, right?

Yes of course, which is why your first comment was so silly.
posted by phunniemee at 11:33 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I legitimately have no idea how he's managed to have a career.

Oh, and... I legitimately think it's pretty unpossible that sentence makes sense.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 11:34 AM on March 27, 2015


I recall Zane was truly delightful in Demon Knight, though it's been ages since I've seen it and beer might have been involved.

I've seen it sober, and the moment when he ditches his disguise and does this little hick-mocking ... dance-thing is a joy to behold.
posted by rewil at 11:49 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I will always love Billy Zane as Valentine in Memphis Belle.

Which means I once was a hysterical tween fan of his.
posted by slipthought at 12:49 PM on March 27, 2015


I recall Zane was truly delightful in Demon Knight, though it's been ages since I've seen it and beer might have been involved.

I found it on streaming in the last year or so and watched it again, as sober as I ever manage when I stare at a tv. It was still cheap fun and Zane was still great.

I don't understand why anyone would wonder at his career at all. He's charming and good looking and seems like a nice fellow, as much as we can ever tell via the celebrity reporting filter. I can easily think of a dozen other people working in Hollywood with pedigrees no more impressive than that who have been even more successful.
posted by phearlez at 1:25 PM on March 27, 2015


"Pretty to look at?" Whu...ut? This whole Zane Zayn 2directions whatever kerfuffle is inexplicable when you realize hashtagharryisthehotone did I do that right, I don't know because I am pushing fifty years of age and not in dog years so didn't know there was a Zayn or that he left. I do know, because everyone knows, that Harry is the hot one. And old american bitpart guy from back in the day with Tilda Swinton better know this: u r o varrr.
posted by Don Pepino at 1:43 PM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


You people not loving Billy Zane make me sad. Anyone that beautiful is entitled to be a raging egomaniac!
posted by winna at 4:24 PM on March 27, 2015


The fact that Zane was in Twin Peaks is remembered by all the fans of the show and forgotten by literally everybody else. Too bad. I would have liked to see them do more with John Wheeler Justice. He had such a great name.

Except I'm an idiot and no true fan of either one, because (as you might possibly guess from my earlier comment) I was confusing Zane with Ian Buchanan's Dick Tremayne. I blame Billy's hilarious IMDB photo in which he appears to actually be Dick Tremayne in real life.
posted by straight at 5:35 PM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


My only image of Billy Zane is of him chewing on a straw in Zoolander.
posted by bendy at 7:04 PM on March 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I do know, because everyone knows, that Harry is the hot one.

I will fight you. #Zayn4evah 😍😭💔
posted by billiebee at 6:59 AM on March 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


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