Don't get hot and flustered...
April 10, 2015 1:16 PM   Subscribe

...but Fox (!) is planning a 'two hour TV event' remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering (138 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
 
See me shiver with antici...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:18 PM on April 10, 2015 [9 favorites]


SAY IT FRANK SAY IT
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:19 PM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


Nah, I take it back.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:19 PM on April 10, 2015 [26 favorites]


Assholes.
posted by ChuraChura at 1:21 PM on April 10, 2015 [13 favorites]


A whole show would be a waste: one episode of "Glee" would be a better venue.

Hang on… *clickety-click* Hah! They already did it! Move along, Fox, nothing more to see here.

Not Glee-ist, never even a viewer.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:21 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


*throws toast at television*
posted by wenestvedt at 1:21 PM on April 10, 2015 [21 favorites]


I'll wager right now that the remake is recast using the High School Musical kids. And T-swift. And then I'll get to see aging Rocky Horror fans balling like tweens the time that dude left One Direction. And it will be so awesome.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:23 PM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


wenestvedt: “*throws toast at television*
See. That's smart. I squirted mine with a squirt gun and now I need a new TV.
posted by ob1quixote at 1:24 PM on April 10, 2015 [17 favorites]


Rocky Horror fans balling like tweens

The horror. Oh, bawling. Fine.
posted by No Robots at 1:26 PM on April 10, 2015 [25 favorites]


Ohdeargodno.
posted by JanetLand at 1:27 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
posted by Existential Dread at 1:28 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


NOPE.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:30 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have no idea how many times I've seen Rocky Horror.

This sounds like a terrible idea which I imagine will vanish without trace and be forgotten while the original Rocky Horror is still going strong - may it never wane...
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 1:30 PM on April 10, 2015 [8 favorites]


I saw RHPS on acid once.
posted by jonmc at 1:32 PM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


On Fox? No!
On FX? mmmmm...maybe?
posted by Thorzdad at 1:32 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Much the same issue as when it came out on home video. Why bother? Without a theater full of rowdy, costumed fans shouting back and tossing things at the screen, it's really just a pretty bad movie.
posted by Naberius at 1:33 PM on April 10, 2015 [11 favorites]


I feel like I made a joke about this when Kinky Boots had a musical number during the Macy's Thanksgivings Day Parade.

If they air it at midnight on Fox, I'd probably stay up for it.
posted by muddgirl at 1:33 PM on April 10, 2015


Is this something you need a television and terrible taste to understand?
posted by maryr at 1:33 PM on April 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


Actually this might work out if it's a televised stage production.
posted by I-baLL at 1:36 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


oh please don't. please?
posted by Bacon Bit at 1:36 PM on April 10, 2015


"Oh, Rocky. I didn't make him..."

*eyes Fox exec up and down*

"...for you."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:38 PM on April 10, 2015 [19 favorites]


I saw RHPS on acid once.

Once?
posted by mikelieman at 1:41 PM on April 10, 2015 [11 favorites]


I have no idea how many times I've seen Rocky Horror.

Including last night in the kitchen while making dinner? I'm at n+1
posted by mikelieman at 1:42 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Let this be a reminder of which side of the culture wars Fox is on.

(the profitable side).
posted by el io at 1:42 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


The two-hour event will be directed, executive produced, and choreographed by Kenny Ortega (Xanadu, High School Musical)

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.
posted by dnash at 1:43 PM on April 10, 2015 [8 favorites]


> Without a theater full of rowdy, costumed fans shouting back and tossing things at the screen, it's really just a pretty bad movie.

What!? I saw it with my wife at home - first time for her - and it's a marvellous film when you get a chance to appreciate all the dialog. She loved it, and she generally hates musicals.

As a musician and composer, I'd say that the score is one of the very best rock musicals ever. Hit after hit after hit, including really strong rock ballads ("There's A Light" is particularly strong, for the setting, as well as the fact that Richard O'Brian sings a verse as a counter-tenor, giving it a particularly etheriel and creepy sound.) Tim Curry's entrance(*) is one of the very best moments ever on the screen - Susan Sarandon passes right out, and really, who wouldn't?

The endless references to old movies, the libertine spirit - the jokes. Some of them are "bad" but still good, and some are really intense - "I thought you liked him!" has to be one of the more extreme lines to cap a scene ever.

Really, musical movies are often pretty bad - only a few reach the level of Great Work - Cabaret, All That Jazz, Mary Poppins, a few others... and Rocky Horror. It is The great rock musical of my experience. (I haven't seen Hedwig, which has been recommended to me...)

(* - as Frank-N-Furter - he has a tiny cameo earlier of course...)
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 1:44 PM on April 10, 2015 [37 favorites]


Ohdeargodno.
posted by JanetLand


Eponysterical?
posted by dnash at 1:46 PM on April 10, 2015 [11 favorites]


It's already been done.
posted by maxsparber at 1:46 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Eh, better than the ill-fated Kidz Bop version.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 1:48 PM on April 10, 2015 [6 favorites]


Wondering who could possibly replace Tim Curry, I googled 'flamboyant yet menacing' and the second result was referring to Javier Bardem. Now THAT I'd pay to see.
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:49 PM on April 10, 2015 [36 favorites]


Wondering who could possibly replace Tim Curry

Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Crumblebluff are my two leads for "gents I wouldn't mind seeing in fishnets and a bustier."
posted by Myca at 1:56 PM on April 10, 2015 [14 favorites]


No thanks. Some things don't need to be remade. They are already perfect. I say this as someone who used to work security at the Waverly theater and has seen it close to 300 times.
posted by Splunge at 1:59 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm watching some of the Glee performances, and they're not bad, since their M.O. is to just take the source and match it note-for-note, not doing anything particularly interesting unless some other cover artist did it first. Hard to screw up the dramatic tension that way. But the cinematography is poor.

(I haven't seen Hedwig, which has been recommended to me...)

Yes, it's a very good movie! And a musical to boot! I think it's closer to Velvet Goldmine than RHPS.
posted by muddgirl at 2:00 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is where I admit that I've never actually seen it.
posted by octothorpe at 2:01 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also, shouldn't it be called something like the Rocky Horror Television Event?
posted by muddgirl at 2:02 PM on April 10, 2015 [6 favorites]


Wondering who could possibly replace Tim Curry

Audrey Plaza.
posted by bonehead at 2:04 PM on April 10, 2015 [28 favorites]


(don't know if she can sing, but)
posted by bonehead at 2:04 PM on April 10, 2015


There might be a re-make of this that I'd approve of. There was a successful Broadway staging of it a few years ago, where for a while Dick Cavett was playing the Narrator. (I wish I could've seen that.)

But - a commercial TV network like Fox is just NOT a place that can do this right. HBO, maybe. Showtime. Something without commercial interruptions and the freedom to be as risque as they wanna be.


(On another hand - I can already hear the One Million Concernstipated Women For Moral Purity In America losing their collective shit at the idea of singing dancing crossdressers on family television. That would be some tasty, tasty schadenfreude.)
posted by dnash at 2:07 PM on April 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


isn't there a Borges novel like this? where someone plots a map of the world that's the same size as the world? or is that Ionesco? Our culture will soon be nothing more than one mirror set in front of another mirror.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 2:09 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


One Million Concernstipated Women For Moral Purity In America losing their collective shit at the idea of singing dancing crossdressers on family television.

Toucha, toucha, toucha, touch me.

I want to feel DIRTY...
posted by mikelieman at 2:09 PM on April 10, 2015 [9 favorites]


Narrator???

The Criminologist, tyvm!
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:10 PM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


Yesss, Aubrey Plaza in drag.
posted by muddgirl at 2:10 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


OK, FOX should schedule public screenings as theatres across America on the night this broadcasts to simulcast it.

As for replacing Tim Curry, can't be done, but you can cast a pretty amazing performer like Richard Blackwood and just let him blow everyone off the stage.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:11 PM on April 10, 2015


An actual paraplegic playing Dr. Scott or GTFO.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 2:12 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


I bet this is going to be a lot like the willy wonka/charlie and the chocolate factory remake. A few otherwise good actors inexplicably being boring, a large ejaculation of money and high quality SFX, and maybe one memorable scene(ala the bizarre trippy oompa loompa sequence) that gets put up on youtube and posted around a lot and then no one will care.
posted by emptythought at 2:14 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


The Criminologist, tyvm!

oh dear. how did I make that virgin mistake. I obviously haven't seen it recently enough.
posted by dnash at 2:15 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Dear Fox, don't dream it... and please, dear God, don't do it either.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 2:22 PM on April 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


This thread would be incomplete without my taking the opportunity to remind people that Revenge of the Old Queen exists. O'Brien tried writing a real sequel to the events in RHPS, and it is a sight to see. It is eye-wateringly awful. One of the characters is named "Lord de Lordy," and I'll leave you with that.

As someone who played Magenta twice, Janet once, and a glitzy rando many times, I thought I had had my fill of Rocky Horror after I left college. It really is a young person's game. RHPS spoke to me in the eighth grade, in the middle of the Bible Belt, which I think it is meant to do, and I am no longer that young thing. Still, if they get the right stars to align, I think I would turn up for this. Some of the songs, like "Over at the Frankenstein Place," "Sweet Transvestite," and "Super Heroes" really do deserve a place in the musical pantheon.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:22 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Am I the only person who thinks RHPS film was kind of boring, but had a few good parts?
posted by jeff-o-matic at 2:23 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Crumblebluff are my two leads for "gents I wouldn't mind seeing in fishnets and a bustier."

Nononono -- Hiddleston needs to play *Riff Raff,* obviously. But sure, I could totally see Cabbagepatch as Frank.
posted by webmutant at 2:25 PM on April 10, 2015 [8 favorites]


That's true, and I even knew it back in the day. It drags after the big splashy musical numbers.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:26 PM on April 10, 2015


I'm with you, jeff-o-matic. Great at first, goes on far too long.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:26 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Am I the only person who thinks RHPS film was kind of boring, but had a few good parts?

There's a reason it's only so eminently watchable when you're making fun of it with a large group.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:30 PM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


But...but...if they do a remake, I won't get to shout my favorite audience-participation line of the whole movie - "Meatloaf again??"

OTOH, if they DO re-cast him, it'll make that line even funnier.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:31 PM on April 10, 2015 [9 favorites]


Am I the only person who thinks RHPS film was kind of boring, but had a few good parts?

There's a reason it's only so eminently watchable when you're making fun of it with a large group.


I agree with others that it's still fun to watch at home. It's a different experience than in a theater, but a perfectly fine experience.

Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Crumblebluff are my two leads for "gents I wouldn't mind seeing in fishnets and a bustier."

I think the right director could actually have fun with a remake. It would be risky, but interesting. But I do not think a network version from the director of High School Musical would be anything but sad.
posted by kanewai at 2:33 PM on April 10, 2015


If they cut out the scene where Brad and Frank get it on I will riot

Seeing that scene at age 14 at a sleepover did weird things to me
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:34 PM on April 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


I just can't see this working at all. Maybe on cable, but not on network TV.
posted by SisterHavana at 2:34 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also: Tiddles and Crumbles may have nice faces, but they don't have the necessary RAW SWAGGER required for the part.

Plus I'm fucking sick and tired of seeing them everywhere, which is also why I don't think Chris Evans should be Rocky
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:35 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


I think we all know that can only be Dwayne Johnson.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:36 PM on April 10, 2015 [18 favorites]


I think we all know that can only be Dwayne Johnson.

Now you're talking sense.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:37 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Anyway, yeah, a version of Rocky Horror that doesn't let Frank's seduction of Janet exactly mirror his scene with Brad has issues.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:39 PM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


Johnson's campy turns on SNL suggest to me that he might be game, but I have no idea if he can sing.
posted by uberchet at 2:44 PM on April 10, 2015


What, is Tim Curry dead or something? And no one told me? They can age him down in post.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 2:44 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh, my Rocky Horror story. When I was going to Rocky Horror with my cadre back in the day, and living at home with my parents, Barry Bostwick was in this dumb fighter pilot TV movie called (well fuck me, here's the actual thing itself so you know I'm not pulling your leg) Red Flag: the Ultimate Game. Think Top Gun except like five years earlier, made for TV, and instead of Tom Cruise, well, Barry Bostwick.

So a commercial for it came on, and I did what one does when one sees Barry Bostwick suddenly pop up onscreen. I shouted "asshole!" at him. Then I had to explain to my confused mom why I had done that. She didn't really get the whole Rocky Horror thing. She was like, "And it's always the same movie?"
posted by Naberius at 2:45 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Curry hasn't had a live-action role since his 2013 stroke.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:46 PM on April 10, 2015


But what if Tituss Burgess though
posted by Countess Elena at 2:47 PM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


ohmygoshhhhhhhhhhhhhh
posted by maryr at 2:49 PM on April 10, 2015


Don't worry guys. Fox has already canceled it.
posted by brundlefly at 2:49 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


all the roles. all of them. Janet. Brad. Rocky. Frank. ALL OF THEM.
posted by maryr at 2:49 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh god no not Benny Crumbles.

Daniel Radcliffe, though? Mmmmmaybe.
posted by emjaybee at 2:56 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Alan Cumming or GTFO.


But seriously, Fox- just GTFO.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:57 PM on April 10, 2015 [10 favorites]


From the original Deadline article linked to the link in the link: "Like has been the plan all along, the TV remake is expected to stick faithfully to the text and the score of the original but greatly reimagine the story visually." (So, losing the bustiers? Creepy old house replaced by a McMansion? Using the cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine?* Or just animated by Seth MacFarlane?)

This thing has already been in Development Hell since 2002, when they wanted to do it for the 30th anniversary of the live show. Still, it'd fill two hours on FOX and a dozen hours of staged outrage on FoxNews.

*Andre Braugher as Frank N. Furter? Could do worse.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:01 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Curry hasn't had a live-action role since his 2013 stroke.

Dr. Scott!
posted by mikelieman at 3:02 PM on April 10, 2015 [6 favorites]


Is elbow sex allowed on network television? Does it count as abstinence? Maybe this is something the right can get behind.
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:29 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Curry hasn't had a live-action role since his 2013 stroke.

I feel dirty saying this but he was spectacular on a two-parter of Criminal Minds. Chewed every piece of scenery available and then some.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:47 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Idris Elba.
posted by Cookiebastard at 3:59 PM on April 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


This is where I admit that I've never actually seen it.
posted by octothorpe


Ah, a RHPS virgin.

*slow smile*
posted by BlueHorse at 4:04 PM on April 10, 2015 [11 favorites]


I got that same reaction when I admitted that I hadn't seen it thirty years ago but I still haven't gotten around to seeing it.
posted by octothorpe at 4:09 PM on April 10, 2015


Go to a live showing if you can find one. Otherwise get the DVD and watch it with a couple of people who know the lines.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:16 PM on April 10, 2015


I would have said go to a theater showing first... But upon further consideration do the DVD thing first. You want to enjoy the movie for itself.

When I first saw it at the Waverly, it was just the movie. The "Floor Show" evolved over time. Sure it's fun when you've essentially memorized the movie, but as a virgin you haven't. You'll miss stuff and perhaps come away less than enamored with the whole spectacle.

So have a few friends over for a pre-viewing.

Then make toast.

Enjoy!
posted by Splunge at 4:25 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ehh, by this time it's only going to be a letdown.
posted by octothorpe at 4:27 PM on April 10, 2015


octothorpe: "Ehh, by this time it's only going to be a letdown."

Bite your tongue! Now bite your lip...
posted by Splunge at 4:33 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


My sexual orientation is Tim Curry.
posted by desjardins at 4:53 PM on April 10, 2015 [17 favorites]


Kiefer Sutherland as Dr. Frank N Furter?
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 4:55 PM on April 10, 2015


desjardins: "My sexual orientation is Tim Curry."

Oh HELL yeah.
posted by Splunge at 5:06 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Wait, wait, wait! Gary Oldman as Riff Raff! And Frank. The power of CGI!
posted by Splunge at 5:10 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't understand people who say its only fun with a group, or that it's a bad movie. It's a great movie. The music is great, Tim Curry is amazing, it's got a lot of funny bits. And Meatloaf's cameo! How is all that bad? Makes me think you've never seen a bad movie.

Now, if people want to start making funny lines and props to go along with Driving Miss Daisy or Transformers, sure, why not. But RHPS is fun all by itself (I almost said "when taken straight" but that's not right).
posted by Bookhouse at 5:24 PM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


Also:

Riff Raff as Riff Raff
posted by Bookhouse at 5:25 PM on April 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


Justin Timberlake as Frank. Eminem as Raff. Taylor Swift as Janet. Neil Patrick Harris as Brad.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:26 PM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


It would be stupid, but kind of funny.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:27 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


The first time I saw it was in a theater that was using a very worn-out print. Both visuals and dialog were muddy and scratched, I couldn't understand a word said onscreen. But of course the regulars knew all the lines and when to shout/do the responses, so I was more entertained by that than by the incomprehensible hazy mumbling happening onscreen.

It wasn't until years later that I got a decent copy of the movie (on VHS, I think) to watch by myself and actually see what it was all about...I'm not sure it surpassed my original experience of the theater crowd's mass performance art.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:40 PM on April 10, 2015


Wait - I take it back. Eminem as Eddie. Then when we shout: "What's for dinner?" the response would be "Eminems!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:41 PM on April 10, 2015 [10 favorites]


So that would mean that Raff would have to be... Jimmy Fallon.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:43 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Directed by Greg Nicotero.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:44 PM on April 10, 2015


NPH *could* chew the requisite amount of scenery....
posted by mikelieman at 5:49 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Friends and I were super big fans in high school. Saw it many times, had both the film & stage version soundtracks, etc.

My sophomore year of college I transferred to a school two states away, and a showing was part of Welcome Week. Early in the movie, something happened, I don't remember what anymore, and I shouted out the appropriate audience line. I was the only one.

This is how I learned there were regional variations in Rocky Horror audience culture.

I'll have to re-watch it. The specific thing will probably come back to me.
posted by not that girl at 5:57 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Using the cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine?*

Andy Samberg as Brad?
posted by SisterHavana at 6:00 PM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


but Alec Baldwin is so old and radioactive now
posted by ben242 at 6:13 PM on April 10, 2015


As the only good thing about Be Cool, Dwayne Johnson could totally do Frank N. Furter.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:25 PM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


If they recast Meatloaf, yelling "His name is Robert Paulsen!" when the body's revealed won't be funny anymore.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:32 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


To replace Tim Curry, this may seem kind of crazy, but I could see Adam Lambert doing it. Yeah, the guy from American Idol. I think he would have a different style and vocal approach, but he's got a really amazing voice, and he seems to do a good job of nailing dramatic, sassy, over the top performances. I've seen some of the clips of him singing with Queen, and obviously no one can replace Freddy Mercury, but he's quite talented. I know he hasn't done a ton of acting, but he seemed perfectly capable when he guest starred on Glee, and I do think he could nail the vocals.

Also, he's gorgeous. I saw the episode where he came back as a judge on American Idol, and his skin just glowed. Seriously, that is one beautiful man.

Yes, I just copped to watching Glee and American Idol. Whatever, I guess I'm a sucker for showtunes and singing competitions. Or something.
posted by litera scripta manet at 7:58 PM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Don't worry, gang. The original RHPS will still be there for you and we all have a front row seat to what may be a massive train wreck.
posted by munchingzombie at 8:14 PM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


My sexual orientation is Tim Curry

This needs to be a T-shirt.
posted by fings at 8:21 PM on April 10, 2015 [9 favorites]


So long as they don't touch Shock Treatment.
posted by mazola at 9:52 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Using the cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine?
This is brilliant. I so wish this could happen. Here's a cast list...

Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Charles Boyle*
Janet Weiss: Amy Santiago
Brad Majors: Jake Peralta*
Riff Raff: Captain Holt
Magenta: Rosa Diaz
Columbia: Gina Linetti
Rocky Horror: Terry Jeffords
Dr. Everett V. Scott: Scully
Eddie: Hitchcock
The Criminologist: Madeline Wuntch

*Could be swapped to up the funny and lessen the creepy
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:55 PM on April 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Using the cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine?
This is brilliant. I so wish this could happen. Here's a cast list...


Margalo Epps, I agree wholeheartedly with the brilliance and most of your cast list, but I would swap Boyle and Holt for sure. Boyle is definitely more of a Riff Raff, and you know both Amy and Jake would go for it if it were Holt. Everything else just kind of falls into obvious place...too obvious. Was this the 9-9's plan all along? I guess they need to do another Halloween episode.

I have played the Criminologist (on zero sleep for three days during midterms week and with a hideous respiratory illness), Magenta, Columbia, and Dr. Scott, all during college. My life has been a good one. My favourite Princeton callback variant was to yell "IVY CLUB!" after "a hunting lodge for rich weirdos"...
posted by ilana at 11:05 PM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also, he's gorgeous. I saw the episode where he came back as a judge on American Idol, and his skin just glowed.

That would be the makeup he trowels on, not his skin.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:54 AM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


You know what would be awesome?

Peter Dinklage as Frank N Furter

Am I right? What, just me?
posted by lordelphin at 5:08 AM on April 11, 2015 [7 favorites]


I could see Jared Leto as Frank.
posted by codacorolla at 5:38 AM on April 11, 2015


Nah. Naveen Andrews.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:40 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Frank Reynolds as Frank?
posted by codacorolla at 5:48 AM on April 11, 2015


I never want to have sex again
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:57 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think I mentioned this last time, but if you ever find yourself press-ganged into the cleanup crew after a proper theater showing of the movie, and someone asks "Do you want the shovel or the leaf blower?" you most certainly want the leaf blower. Shovel duty pales by comparison.
posted by radwolf76 at 6:08 AM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


What!? I saw it with my wife at home - first time for her - and it's a marvellous film when you get a chance to appreciate all the dialog. She loved it, and she generally hates musicals.

Yeah...I have to agree with this. I've seen the movie umpteen times, and I've always enjoyed it far, far, more without the theater full of crazies.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:36 AM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


This is how I learned there were regional variations in Rocky Horror audience culture.

I think I experienced this echoing Amen moment with 'Ladies: This is what happens when you don't swallow' which existed in northern VA but not in central VA.
posted by you must supply a verb at 6:52 AM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Paul Reubens as Pee Wee as Frank N Furter, and Adam West as Rocky. It would be a little geriatric but amazing nonetheless.
posted by kinnakeet at 8:33 AM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


*jerks off tie attempting make neck come*
posted by jonmc at 9:43 AM on April 11, 2015


Ohdeargodno.
posted by JanetLand

Eponysterical?
posted by dnash at 4:46 PM on April 10


You should probably double-check that this FPP is by feckless fecal fear mongering. Eponysterical indeed.
posted by Appropriate Username at 11:15 AM on April 11, 2015


Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel as Brad and Janet.
posted by pxe2000 at 11:52 AM on April 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


One thing this thread has done for me is lead me to the startling information that there's going to be a stage version of Shock Treatment running at the King's Head in Islington in a few weeks. It's one of those films that I find strangely fascinating - probably more relevant now than it was thirty-five years ago when it came out, and it contains O'Brien, Pat Quinn and Little Nell along with Charles Gray, Barry Humphries, Ruby Wax, Rik Mayall and Sinitta (who won't be in the stage version, obviously) and some great songs (which will, hopefully). Not so much a good film as an idiosyncratic one, and it will be interesting to see it in the London theatre fringe that Rocky Horror sprang from in the first place.
posted by Grangousier at 12:52 PM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


I would really like to see that production.
posted by mazola at 1:19 PM on April 11, 2015


An actual paraplegic playing Dr. Scott or GTFO.

But wasn't Dr. Scott not really a paraplegic tho? The Sonic Transducer relieved him of his hang ups (or whatever) and then he was all "check out my hawt gamz"
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:19 PM on April 11, 2015


Here is the problem with re-imagining this tale into a new time and place: movies generate a lot of their power from era and context. Aside from the subtextual elements present in the OG Rocky of the great queer awakening during the sexual revolution of the mid-70s and the generational push-back against all the old mores, there's also the fetishistic stuff present in the surface text alone. There's elements of that intersection where glam became punk that are simply enjoyable in their own right. The set design, costuming, spirit and rhythm of it all are something brewed into the film in a way that can't be replicated or even properly resituated into a new context.
And separate from all that there is simply the feel of the film. Every spring when it gets nice outside again, my go-to film is Caddyshack. Now, Im sure Caddyshack has it's issues and detractors, but watching that film transports me in a way to a time, place and atmosphere that is impossible to explain to someone that doesnt quite grok it. And so it is with the original Rocky: the only way to really do it again is to do something totally different.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:30 PM on April 11, 2015 [6 favorites]


Grangousier believe it or not, I saw Shock Treatment first and I honestly think it is the better of the two films, in the sense that it achieves more of the things that a film should probably do.
That it's an almost creepily premonitory bit of satire is just frosting on the beater.
And the songs are great. But you know that already.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:37 PM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Johnson's campy turns on SNL suggest to me that he might be game, but I have no idea if he can sing.

He can sing.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:06 PM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


the only way to really do it again is to do something totally different.

I wonder what the equivalent film for today's audience is?

Southland Tales?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:48 PM on April 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


I wonder what the equivalent film for today's audience is?

Southland Tales?


There may be something to that. I know there's a lot of people that really wish it was Repo (which frankly I can't stand even though on paper it seems I should love it) but you simply can't manufacture camp that way.
You have to really mean it. You have to be reaching for something and trying to express that thing in such a wide-eyed heart-on-sleeve way for your failure to result in True Camp and films like Repo can't stop winking long enough for that to ever become a possibility. It's also one of the reasons I think the Rocky Horror Glee Show didn't gel like it should have. It was all freshly-scrubbed and pretty and high-spirited and note perfect, without any of the pathos or heart that made Rocky work in the ways that it did.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:05 PM on April 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh and I meant to close by saying that Southland Tales is bananas but I never once doubted that Kelly really truly meant that shit, such as it was.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:06 PM on April 11, 2015


This is the worst idea ever in the history of the world.

EVER.
posted by MexicanYenta at 10:17 PM on April 11, 2015


I've always enjoyed it far, far, more without the theater full of crazies.

I can understand that. When I first saw it and learned "the lines," it was suburban Kansas City in the late 80s, the theater was in a mall.* There would be maybe 10 people at the weekly midnight showings, of which maybe half actually knew stuff to say, the rest were there to gawk. (There was no "shadow cast" of players miming along. Which allowed for some fun hijinks like "everybody run up to the screen and spin the globe.")

(And even then, really, it took me a couple viewings to realize Rocky is made by splitting Eddie's brain.)

I moved to Chicago for college, and stayed. And really, every time I've seen it here, the audience is large, and lots of people are doing their own thing. All kinds of crazy lines being yelled out. Some good, some not, but such chaos it's hard to follow the whole thing.

In the DVD I have, there's an extra interview where Susan Sarandon expresses much the same sentiment. She says "it used to be like a mass" - the whole audience responding in unison. She says she took her kids and was disappointed at how noisy and chaotic it's become.

*Oak Park Mall, circa '86-88.
posted by dnash at 5:15 PM on April 12, 2015


Vin Diesel can also sing surprisingly well. Maybe the next Fast movie should be a musical.
posted by codacorolla at 5:34 PM on April 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


Rupert Everett
posted by you must supply a verb at 3:10 PM on April 14, 2015


Johnny Weir as Frank.
posted by Superplin at 12:40 AM on April 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


Recasting The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Brad: Grant Gustin / Dulé Hill
Janet: Anna Kendrick / Alison Brie
Dr. Scott: Stephen Colbert
Columbia: Kristen Bell / Nicki Minaj
Eddie: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Rebel Wilson
Magenta: Alan Cumming / Kate McKinnon
Riff Raff: Janelle Monae / Neil Patrick Harris
Rocky: Chris Pine / The Rock / Terry Crews
Frank N. Furter: Lee Pace / John Barrowman
The Criminologist: RuPaul
posted by the man of twists and turns at 5:18 PM on April 15, 2015 [6 favorites]


omg, John Barrowman is perfect. I would pay many dollars to see him in that outfit.
posted by desjardins at 7:22 AM on April 16, 2015


wait wait... what about Zachary Quinto?
posted by desjardins at 7:33 AM on April 16, 2015


John Barrowman would make a shit Zachary Quinto.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:58 AM on April 16, 2015 [6 favorites]


Actually Alan Cumming might make a good Riff Raff.
posted by I-baLL at 8:55 AM on April 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


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