A nude female corpse is allowable, of course.
April 20, 2015 4:39 PM   Subscribe

 
"From the Book of Literary lists, 1987." It would be nice to have a contemporary source. But, judging by the typical covers of Spicy Detective, these guidelines could be for real.
posted by beagle at 4:53 PM on April 20, 2015


To any MeFi lurkers out there that are thinking about joining - "Spicy Detective" is still available as a username.
posted by ryanshepard at 5:17 PM on April 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


1987 isn't a contemporary source?!
posted by kenko at 5:40 PM on April 20, 2015


Oh, you mean contemporary with the magazine.
posted by kenko at 5:41 PM on April 20, 2015


I was born in 1990. 1987 was thirty years ago. 1987 is not contemporary by any stretch of the imagination.
posted by sciatrix at 5:42 PM on April 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


"Spicy Detective" is still available as a username.

I'd go for Killers' Snatch, myself, or some variation thereof.
posted by topynate at 5:42 PM on April 20, 2015


1987 is not contemporary by any stretch of the imagination.

you take that back!
posted by thelonius at 5:45 PM on April 20, 2015 [30 favorites]


In describing breasts of a female character, avoid anatomical descriptions.

"Her low-cut dress barely covered her areolas, leaving her heaving upper lobules almost bare, pulsing against the skin in tune with the beat of her heart..."
posted by sciatrix at 5:46 PM on April 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


1987 is not contemporary by any stretch of the imagination.

Ouch!
posted by Dip Flash at 6:00 PM on April 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


I was born in 1990. 1987 was thirty years ago. 1987 is not contemporary by any stretch of the imagination.

it WAS NOT i'm only 27 >:[
posted by dismas at 6:17 PM on April 20, 2015 [9 favorites]


In internet time, 1987 was one hundred million years ago.
posted by Phssthpok at 7:45 PM on April 20, 2015 [9 favorites]


1. In describing groins of a male character, avoid anatomical descriptions.

2. If it is necessary for the story to have the male give himself to a woman, or be taken by her, do not go too carefully into details. …

3. Whenever possible, avoid complete nudity of the male characters. You can have a boy strip to his underwear or frilly thong, or the thin torn shred of his garments, but while the boy is alive and in contact with a woman, we do not want complete nudity.

4. A nude male corpse is allowable, of course.

5. Also a boy undressing in the privacy of his own room, but when women are in the action try to keep at least a shred of something on the boys.

6. Do not have women in underwear in scenes with men, and no nude women at all.

...yeah, these are good rules. They sound no more or less sleazy when the roles are reversed.

(I kinda want to do a short SPICY DETECTIVE comic that follows this version of these rules now.)
posted by egypturnash at 8:42 PM on April 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


1987 is not contemporary by any stretch of the imagination.

Nthing the ouch.

Ouch.
posted by brundlefly at 10:00 PM on April 20, 2015 [4 favorites]


This does make me want to read SPACY DETECTIVE stories though.

"So, Detective, who do you think did it??"
"Huh? Oh! Uhhh... can we review the evidence again?"
posted by aubilenon at 10:02 PM on April 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


"A nude female corpse is allowable, of course."

I'm really having a hard time wrapping my mind around that "of course".
posted by brundlefly at 10:05 PM on April 20, 2015 [5 favorites]


I had forgotten about the excellent Futility Closet - thanks
posted by thelonius at 10:06 PM on April 20, 2015


Very similar in tone to the Motion Picture Production Code. I vote real.
posted by Scram at 10:37 PM on April 20, 2015


No nude men at all. Careful now. God forbid anyone would see a dick.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 12:57 AM on April 21, 2015


Spicy Detective sounds so much like an anime series it blows my mind.
posted by smoke at 1:35 AM on April 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


1987 is not contemporary by any stretch of the imagination.

Confirmation, of a sort:
The ring-tab beer can — first introduced 50 years ago — is now considered an historic-era artifact,
posted by Mezentian at 2:04 AM on April 21, 2015


Iggy Pop is 68 years old today.
posted by sidereal at 3:18 AM on April 21, 2015


I got a bee in my bonnet the other week to read Spicy Detective, but the Internet Archive only had Spicy Adventure Stories. So I settled.

Just in case anyone's feeling nostalgic for the fetishistic repetition of "sexy girl is forced to take her clothes off and squirm uncomfortably in 'a scanty brassiere and ridiculously brief pink panties'", plus plenty of extra bonus racism, that's the place to find it!

And the story about Spartacus is kind of hilarious, in terms of the 'Ye Olde Romanne Times' dialogue.
posted by theatro at 3:50 AM on April 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Just in case anyone's feeling nostalgic for the fetishistic repetition of "sexy girl is forced to take her clothes off and squirm uncomfortably in 'a scanty brassiere and ridiculously brief pink panties'", plus plenty of extra bonus racism, that's the place to find it!

SCORE!
posted by Mezentian at 4:06 AM on April 21, 2015


God forbid anyone would see a dick.

No dicks in Spicy Detective Magazine from 1935? I call fake then. Pulp fiction is full of dicks. Even a lady dick.
posted by chavenet at 5:34 AM on April 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


Can we see the Game of Thrones guidelines now?
posted by Paul Slade at 5:38 AM on April 21, 2015


Pulp fiction is full of dicks.

Damn right.
posted by Gelatin at 6:05 AM on April 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Careful now. God forbid anyone would see a dick.

Down with this sort of thing!
posted by Foosnark at 6:07 AM on April 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Can we see the Game of Thrones guidelines now?

Tits ahoy!!
posted by Pendragon at 6:50 AM on April 21, 2015


On my cable network, True Detective would still star Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson and would still have the same storyline, but it would be called Spicy Detective, and they'd both talk like Jon Lovitz's Evelyn Quince character from the old SNL Tales of Ribaldry sketches.

"Oh my! I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution! We became too... self-aware! Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself - we are creatures that should not exist by natural law! And yet we do exist! Oh how we do!"
posted by Naberius at 9:04 AM on April 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I was born in 1990. 1987 was thirty years ago. 1987 is not contemporary by any stretch of the imagination.

Born in 1989. Can confirm that 1987 is not contemporary.

...why are you looking at me like that
posted by halifix at 10:36 AM on April 21, 2015


Thomas Pynchon is the only contributor to Spacy Detective magazine.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 1:42 PM on April 21, 2015


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