This is why I scoop spiders up with toilet paper
April 22, 2015 8:25 AM   Subscribe

Just like in those horror films NSF people-who-hate-spiders-or-who-hate-killing-spiders via cbcnews.ca

lots and lots of toilet paper
posted by bitteroldman (49 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Anyone else feeling kind of... itchy?
posted by sacramental excrementum at 8:29 AM on April 22, 2015


No.
posted by symbioid at 8:29 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Not to the first comment, to the post.
posted by symbioid at 8:30 AM on April 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


^F Australia

Yup.
posted by sparklemotion at 8:35 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I saw that little film yesterday, he should do time for Arachnofoetucide!
posted by Oyéah at 8:36 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I knew it was a bad idea to put Tim Burton in charge of procuring the birthday piñata.
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:37 AM on April 22, 2015 [6 favorites]


The guy in the shop very clearly said to never let it touch water.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 8:38 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


People say "Don't kill spiders" and "don't kill insects" because "they're not poisonous" or "they won't hurt you" but then the ones that do hurt people are pretty bad so here's what I'm thinking:

Can somebody who is artistically inclined and has some entomological knowledge make a infograph of only the insects and spiders that are poisonous and that should be killed if found in your home? That way spiderbros will live and spidervillos (that's my catchy way of saying "villain spiders") will be removed one way or another from your residence.
posted by I-baLL at 8:39 AM on April 22, 2015


10 PRINT "NOPE"
20 PRINT "SERIOUSLY, NO FUCKING WAY!!"
30 GOTO 10
posted by double block and bleed at 8:39 AM on April 22, 2015 [5 favorites]


Anyone else feeling kind of... itchy?

now imagine sneezing
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:39 AM on April 22, 2015


Be nice to spiders!
posted by chavenet at 8:44 AM on April 22, 2015 [6 favorites]


'cmon, spiders are cute. Look at those furry little bodies.

Ants and pillbugs, I'll give you: creepy. But spiders? They're like eight-legged cats.
posted by bonehead at 8:44 AM on April 22, 2015 [6 favorites]


I guess I'd rather have that kind of horror on the floor where I can see it instead of letting the spider go to hatch all of its little babies in the wall behind your bed where they crawl on to your face in the middle of the night.
posted by backseatpilot at 8:56 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I try and evacuate spiders from the house unharmed, but I don't live in Australia. Every time one of the nature channel shows *world's ten most dangerous [insert animal family]* they just rebadge it from their *Australia's ten most dangerous [insert animal family]* show. The only way to win is not to go.
posted by biffa at 8:57 AM on April 22, 2015


A rather extreme case to support my maxim that it's always easier to catch a bug alive and put it outside than have to clean up splattered bug bits (does not apply to house centipedes, which are just aaaargh, or mosquitoes which smush down to practically nothing plus would be impossible to catch and have no redeeming qualities for anybody, except their mosquito spouses and babies).
posted by Flashman at 8:57 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ok, seriously, why is everyone afraid of spiders? Harmless little spiders! Just imagine them with a cute little smile, waving at you with one little leg. See? Nice!
posted by holborne at 9:00 AM on April 22, 2015 [8 favorites]


Reminds me of this song by David Shrigley. It's called Eggs, and you probably shouldn't listen to it if you suspect that listening to a song called Eggs in a thread about creepy-crawlies might not be the best idea for your psychic health and well-being.
posted by Devonian at 9:00 AM on April 22, 2015


Anyone else feeling kind of... itchy?

now imagine sneezing


sneezing out a cloud of baby spiders

they just keep pouring out of your nose and mouth without stop

imagine that forever
posted by FatherDagon at 9:01 AM on April 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


According to the Australian Museum in Sydney, a female wolf spider carries her eggs in a sac made of silk on her back. When the spiderlings hatch from their eggs, they continue to live within this sac on their mom's back until they are "ready to disperse by ballooning or on the ground."

OMG, "Charlotte's Web" was true!
posted by holborne at 9:02 AM on April 22, 2015


Just imagine them with a cute little smile, waving at you with one little leg.

FYI, that little leg is his penis.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:04 AM on April 22, 2015 [3 favorites]




We have a wolf spider living in our garden. It is about the size of a quarter; big enough that it makes a sound when it moves-that's how I discovered it. Its name is Aragog.
posted by Missense Mutation at 9:23 AM on April 22, 2015 [10 favorites]


Its name is Aragog.

Of course it is.
posted by holborne at 9:24 AM on April 22, 2015 [4 favorites]


Implants. That's not your Youtube video. It's Tyrell's niece's.
posted by Devonian at 9:27 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


Danny Ford: 0
Mother Nature: ~1000
posted by spindrifter at 9:28 AM on April 22, 2015


We're in the middle of June bug season here in Texas and much as I am not a fan of the million tiny spiders that love to live in my house, at least they aren't goddamn June bugs.
posted by emjaybee at 9:31 AM on April 22, 2015


OMG, "Charlotte's Web" was true!

The next morning, there in the web, neatly woven, were the words SOME VIDEO!
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 9:38 AM on April 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hey, spiders? If you are reading this, look: I don't hate you and I don't want to kill you. But if you want to live in my house, keep out of my sight. Monday-Friday 8am - 6pm, the house is all yours. Go crazy. But don't let me see you.
posted by Ratio at 9:45 AM on April 22, 2015 [7 favorites]


Poor wolf spider. They are big and scary but almost totally harmless.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:22 AM on April 22, 2015 [5 favorites]


Serves the guy right for killing something that can't harm him in any way.

Here in CA, the only spiders you need to worry about are black widows and brown widows, and I only kill them around my classroom, not at my house, unless they're inside. There are no brown recluse spiders in CA, everybody, no matter what your Facebook feed says.

10 PRINT "NOPE"
20 PRINT "SERIOUSLY, NO FUCKING WAY!!"
30 GOTO 10


That's funny, the other day I was messing around with an apple II emulator on my Raspberry Pi, and my second and third graders were FASCINATED. I showed them:

10 n=10
20 n=n+1
30 print n
40 goto 20

and they thought it was the coolest thing ever, watching the numbers count up. They immediately got why it had to be goto 20 and not goto 10, which impressed me. They suggested multiplication and then I had to explain what a buffer overflow was. I kind of want to load up emulators on the computers and teach them Basic...
posted by Huck500 at 10:27 AM on April 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm Australian and saw this doing the rounds of Facebook. Everybody was angry and horrified that she wasn't just carried outside using the sheet of paper and a glass method.

Obviously someone thought she was an asylum seeker. We do this shit to humans in Australia as a matter of government policy, but we never condone the killing of our fabulously terrifying spiders.

We voted for a government that would do this to a mother on a rickety boat seeking asylum, but woo boy, we condemn with the strongest of opprobrium doing this to creatures that make our country look macho and virile. Balls of steel, small hearts etc.
posted by taff at 10:30 AM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


carried outside using the sheet of paper and a glass method

The spiders in Australia are so f*cking big that in practice you are talking about the 'vinyl LP and empty waste paper bin' method. And when you get outside you take it to the very end of the street and you run back.
posted by colie at 10:47 AM on April 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


Don't go into your back yard at night, Danny Ford. You might find her mate.

(previously)
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 11:20 AM on April 22, 2015


This reminds me I really need to get one of these dealies.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:43 AM on April 22, 2015


When I was a little kid I was obsessed with spiders and insects, and I'd catch and collect them in gigantic peanut butter jars my mom gave me. One time a spider I'd caught gave birth to dozens of tiny baby spiders, which delighted me to no end. I was so excited I ran into the kitchen to show the jar to my mom. When she saw all the spiders swarming around the inside of the jar she yelped in alarm, which surprised me and I dropped the jar. Well, back in the day those jars were made of glass, and...
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:44 AM on April 22, 2015 [3 favorites]


Am I really the only one who found this sad? Poor Mama Spider, probably planning on getting her kids a proper start in a good location, and this guy comes along and now she doesn't even get to see them make their first crawl? And what of those thousands of teeny babies, all crying out "MOM" over her "still-moving" corpse?

Just think of all the nasties those babies might have dispatched. Sad.
posted by kinnakeet at 12:15 PM on April 22, 2015 [5 favorites]


This made me laugh. There was something very humorous and impotent about that broom smacking the floor.
posted by smidgen at 12:23 PM on April 22, 2015


She's in Spider Heaven now, kinnakeet. (Which is also known as Human Hell.)
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:25 PM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't even live in Australia and I know that wolf spiders are not harmful, I don't know why someone would want to kill one rather than relocate it.

But, that being said, at our house we vacuum all spiders. Some are ugly, bitey ones; some are food for ugly, bitey ones, so they all gots ta go.
posted by vignettist at 12:42 PM on April 22, 2015


I cultivate my spiders. This is because I live in an old victorian where the only air conditioning is open windows and fans. My favorites are the Pholcus phalangioides, since they like to position themselves up near the 10 foot ceilings, but I once had a Agelenopsis set up her funnel web back tucked in next to my fish tank. I gently sweep away their webs when they get too neglected and dusty or when they set them up in inconvenient spots, but apart from that we are good friends.

And yes, periodically I do find a Pholcus strolling across me while I am in bed, graceful and delicate. Or even something more scuttly like a wolf spider. I move it to the floor and continue with my reading or go back to sleep.

In exchange, I know that the bugs that fly in will soon be gone, that fruit fly infestations will not require any spraying, and annoying house flies buzzing will soon find silence.

Spiders are wonderful.
posted by tavella at 1:03 PM on April 22, 2015 [9 favorites]


taff: "I'm Australian and saw this doing the rounds of Facebook. Everybody was angry and horrified that she wasn't just carried outside using the sheet of paper and a glass method."

Here's a fine example of that method in action.
posted by double block and bleed at 1:23 PM on April 22, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure if this is more like Asteroids or more like Zach King.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 2:45 PM on April 22, 2015


make a infograph of only the insects and spiders that are poisonous and that should be killed if found in your home?

Where you live, there aren't any spiders worth fearing. Some bugs in your area can be quite annoying (bed bugs, for example) but they aren't going to kill you. Your trembling is unfounded. Your infograph would be a blank sheet.

When we find a spider in the house, we very gently (they have delicate legs) take it outside and put it in a nice place for catching prey. I'm not going to look at the video.
posted by pracowity at 3:03 PM on April 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is why you should terminate every spider you encounter with extreme prejudice.
posted by pjern at 3:34 PM on April 22, 2015


Mrs. Wallflower and I watched Big Ass Spider! on Netflix just the other day. Now that was a spider!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:06 PM on April 22, 2015


posted by FatherDagon: sneezing out a cloud of baby spiders
they just keep pouring out of your nose and mouth without stop
imagine that forever


Epo-nope-sterical.
posted by traveler_ at 5:07 PM on April 22, 2015


"They're like eight-legged cats."

I tell you what, here in Japan the huntsman spiders are about as big as cats. I saw one cleaning itself just like a cat. Doesn't mean I'm going to get all snuggly with one.

My Australian friends have no issue catching and releasing giant hairy critters, but we Americans follow a different procedure.

Ok, I did feel pretty bad for the mom and her little spider babies in this video, though.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 6:48 PM on April 22, 2015


"Danny Ford of Hallett Cove in South Australia"

For many years the Hallet Cove train station sign was altered to read "Hallet Coven". FACT. Now you know why.
posted by awfurby at 10:02 PM on April 22, 2015


Thanks for providing enough raw material to help prune my FB friends list a bit. "It will be the BEST THING that has ever happened to you..."
posted by mcrandello at 11:41 PM on April 22, 2015


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