"I'm glad I bought it and I'm sure I'll love it in a couple of months"
April 27, 2015 4:59 AM   Subscribe

A self-proclaimed insufferable asshole named Matt complains about his new luxury watch. Turns out it's the most personal device ever, only not in an insanely great way. Still, he has hopes for the future of his new wearable computer. (MeFi's own mathowie at medium.com.)
posted by valkane (181 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
So once again proving the old adage of never buying the first two versions of anything ever, until all the bugs are kinked out.

Also, as a person who runs occasionally:
I put on my $160 Hoka One One shoes and my $130 Backbeat FIT bluetooth headphones and strapped my $500 iPhone 6+ to my upper arm before putting my $350 watch on my wrist to track a 2 mile run.
That was the most ridiculous overuse of technology for tracking such a mediocre feat I've ever seen.
posted by kurosawa's pal at 5:13 AM on April 27, 2015 [34 favorites]


"As a jerk who lives for any strokes of his ego, monitoring my new hearts and faves in every app is a part-time job I actually enjoy doing."

I read this yesterday. Hilarious!
posted by missmerrymack at 5:13 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


This guy should get his own blog.
posted by Segundus at 5:14 AM on April 27, 2015 [97 favorites]


The Watch is a groundbreaking haptic wearable. These criticisms come off as hollow.

For example, "it was designed by people using emulators...". Of course it was.

The ironic mock outrage thing falls down here, showing the writer's tone in a vacuum, which is unfortunate.

We fought two wars for this.

I am unsure of what that means in this context.
posted by nickrussell at 5:20 AM on April 27, 2015


I gave up wearing a thing on my wrist around 20 years ago.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 5:22 AM on April 27, 2015 [14 favorites]


I'm sure that Matt will figure out most of the right settings and work-arounds for his complaints but one wonders how the typical iPhone user will fare in trying to navigate all these annoyances.
posted by octothorpe at 5:23 AM on April 27, 2015


As Harry McCracken @harrymccracken tweeted earlier:

"I need some sort of ring with a display and net connectivity, so I can stop checking my watch so often."
posted by GallonOfAlan at 5:24 AM on April 27, 2015 [46 favorites]


That was the most ridiculous overuse of technology for tracking such a mediocre feat I've ever seen.

That was... the point............
posted by Sokka shot first at 5:30 AM on April 27, 2015 [56 favorites]


Its spiritual predecessor is still working out the kinks.
posted by Poldo at 5:31 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


We fought two wars for this.

Take out the "two", and it makes more sense. :)
posted by jenny76 at 5:31 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


Never mind Apple's peculiar commercial for the Apple Watch as a rom-com accessory, this is the best bit: "My favorite unknown feature was the Apple Activity app informing me halfway into a movie with a forceful haptic jolt and message demanding I needed to stand for one minute out of every hour to remain healthy and I should do so right now because I hadn’t stopped sitting since the movie began."
posted by Doktor Zed at 5:33 AM on April 27, 2015 [27 favorites]


I thought this piece was great. Loved how he was able to weave his family story into it.

Also, Twitter and their "read more tweets" button can suck it. If you go to a profile in the mobile browser, you only get 3 tweets. Who the hell only wants 3!?!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:36 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


We fought two wars for this.

I am unsure of what that means in this context.


Weapons of Mass Destruction was just a smokescreen so we could get at Iraq's Watches of Mass Distraction. I've probably already said too much.
posted by buoys in the hood at 5:38 AM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


This feels like a totally appropriate place to point out the iPhone 6+ is a $750 device, at minimum.
posted by smackfu at 5:38 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


We fought two wars for this.

Two? I remember the one against the Kodan Armada...What's the other one?
posted by Thorzdad at 5:41 AM on April 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


nickrussell quotes Matt as saying "We fought two wars for this."

Er... must be shome misteak.... Matt wrote: "I had to pair the watch manually. Which took two tries. We fought wars for this?"
posted by Mister Bijou at 5:42 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Well done... that was a roller coaster. And please don't sit next to me at the movies, Matt.
posted by starman at 5:43 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think that all I'd want it for would be to (1) check time and (2) activate the speakerphone on my phone in my pocket.
posted by mikelieman at 5:45 AM on April 27, 2015


Well, I am waiting for the time travel feature. An advertisement poster told me, "To drink the future, today!" Forget that, I plan to wear it, baby.
posted by jadepearl at 5:50 AM on April 27, 2015


But he didn't answer an obvious question: How well does Metafilter look on it?
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:50 AM on April 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


I'm hoping that it will keep Anna Kendrick as far away as possible from me at all times, despite my not getting the $10K version (and it not arriving until sometime in June). I am predicting 100% success in this.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:52 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I looked up the word "cyclocross", hoping it would be some sort of giant, Anime inspired robot or death machine, but instead it's just people carrying expensive bikes through dirt and mud and other forms of nature, probably wearing the mentioned expensive watch thingy.

Very disappointed.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 5:53 AM on April 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


We fought two wars for this.

I am unsure of what that means in this context.

I, too, am in favour of the war against humour.
posted by h00py at 5:55 AM on April 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


Also during the run I was getting tired of terrible Pure Pop and wanted to hear Classic Rock

Good choice; that's where you can hear "The Boys Are Back In Town".
posted by thelonius at 5:55 AM on April 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


It could have been worse. He could have had a dubsteppy first 24hrs.
posted by srboisvert at 6:01 AM on April 27, 2015


pfft - My $180 (approx $220 with optional aftermarket Oyster II bracelet) Seiko 007K updates the display 6 times per second, has solar powered illumination, has 6 functions (counting the bezel ring as a countdown timer), and is water resistant to a depth that I frankly doubt I'd survive.

Plus it has smart technology that puts it into power saving mode if I don't wear it for about 35-40 hours.
posted by randomkeystrike at 6:01 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


The Watch is a groundbreaking haptic wearable.

Oh come on. In what way did Apple's latest toy break ground?

Apple doesn't innovate, it iterates.
posted by Foosnark at 6:03 AM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
no mods, no masters.

All I take with me running is my Android phone running runkeeper, and maybe a Casio digital watch. I have some other junk, like a heartrate monitor, but I find it really distracting from the experience. I don't even listen to music anymore.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:04 AM on April 27, 2015


My Android Wear Sundial never needs a recharge.

I do need to recalibrate it a lot though.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:04 AM on April 27, 2015 [15 favorites]


What I want to know is this:
  1. how long until anyone still using a "dumb" watch is made to feel bad for doing so?
  2. how long until wearing a regular old watch becomes the Anna Wintour-endorsed way for people to demonstrate that they are above it all?
posted by waninggibbon at 6:07 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I want to spend the rest of my day responding to everyone with "Again with the tedium!".
posted by srboisvert at 6:09 AM on April 27, 2015 [8 favorites]


For the record, this is my favorite smart watch.
Features:
  • Tells time
  • No pairing
  • No battery
  • Intelligently reminds you to get out of the house when it needs sun
  • Reminds you that as an earthling, you are dependent on your nearest star for life
  • Looks a bit vaporwave
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:10 AM on April 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


Meta.
posted by carter at 6:11 AM on April 27, 2015


Don't worry guys, *giggle* I'm sure Tapbots will be *snort* releasing a Tweetbot update for *strangledcough* the Apple Watch any day—BWAHAHA

(I'm sorry, I couldn't finish that with a straight face.)

(I kid because I love, Tapbots, and I wouldn't care if your software isn't so DAMN AWESOME. Seriously.)
posted by entropicamericana at 6:13 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


This was just like bait to draw the internet out into telling other people how wrong they are. Not that much encouragement is required, really.
posted by kiltedtaco at 6:16 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


(I'd prefer they spend their time adding better support for the new Twitter reply format.)
posted by smackfu at 6:17 AM on April 27, 2015


So has anyone read a completely glowing review of the Apple Watch yet? Because most of the reviews I've read generally seem to say "The second or third generation of this is going to be awesome."
posted by entropicamericana at 6:17 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm waiting for my son to buy his 3rd apple watch in 10 years time and then give me his second before I comment.
posted by h00py at 6:20 AM on April 27, 2015 [22 favorites]


That's basically the subtext of all the attempts at glowing reviews.

I'm sure it will make a bajillion dollars, and that version two or three will be great at whatever it turns out to be for.
posted by Artw at 6:22 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]




Reminds you that as an earthling, you are dependent on your nearest star for life

If that is top of your priority list, then surely this is the watch for you!
posted by fairmettle at 6:29 AM on April 27, 2015


Because most of the reviews I've read generally seem to say "The second or third generation of this is going to be awesome."

That's basically the review of every firstgen Apple product ever.
posted by davros42 at 6:33 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


3rd apple watch in 10 years time

Did you mean six months? I'm pretty sure it will be like six months.
posted by Quilford at 6:46 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


So once again proving the old adage of never buying the first two versions of anything ever, until all the bugs are kinked out.

What!?! And miss out on all the fun of being a pioneer?
posted by fairmettle at 6:47 AM on April 27, 2015


I gave up wearing a thing on my wrist around 20 years ago.

That's a little snarky, but it does raise an important point: will people who don't wear traditional watches ever want a smart watch? I last wore a watch on my wrist over 30 years ago, and even back then it would mostly end up in a pocket because I couldn't stand the way it snagged on my clothes and other random objects. I know plenty of people under 30 who have never owned a watch - with them I suppose it's much like the decline of the pocket-watch - something that used to be a status symbol, like a fancy desk set or a tie pin. But then, the population of affluent countries is drifting towards the middle- and old-aged, and perhaps the well-off, technically literate middle-aged are the demographic they're going for.
posted by pipeski at 6:48 AM on April 27, 2015



What!?! And miss out on all the fun of being a pioneer?

posted by Flashman at 6:51 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


Russell Brand is so insufferable I'm tempted to go out and buy an Apple Watch right now.
posted by dis_integration at 6:59 AM on April 27, 2015 [9 favorites]


but it does raise an important point: will people who don't wear traditional watches ever want a smart watch?

At this point, no. In 45 years I have owned maybe four watches and there was only one of them I wore for more than a week. That one was a Mickey Mouse watch my then-fiancée bought me after we were engaged in Disney, so I kind of had to wear it. I think I wore it for about two years before it broke and I haven't worn one since.

I'm a an Apple guy, I own an iMac, an iPhone, Apple TV, an iPad. I love their products. I think the Apple Watch is neat, though Matt's review really holds no surprises for me. I expect it will get better, as other Apple products have, but I don't see myself wearing one.

I do like the idea of the watch as sort of a remote for the phone, but I expect someone, probably Apple, will come up with some other way of doing that. Or, rather, some other companies will come up with clunky ways of doing it and Apple will improve on it and get it (mostly) right for once and then people will point out how Apple never invents anything original.

It may very well get to the point where a smart watch is kind of indispensable, the way smart phones have become for a lot of people. If that happens I would perhaps give in, but only once the tech is solid.
posted by bondcliff at 7:00 AM on April 27, 2015


For example, "it was designed by people using emulators...". Of course it was.

That's actually a pretty important point. Most app designers have only had a theoretical sense of how their apps would work on a real watch, so of course they're not very good yet.
posted by straight at 7:06 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm 44 and the comment about not wearing a thing on my wrist was meant 100% snark free. Long story short, I ended up with a very nice wristwatch for free a couple years back. Wore it once or twice and then gave it away as a present. There's simply no reason to wear a wristwatch anymore except out of habit. I stare at a phone, a laptop and a desktop off and on through the day that all have the time and date displayed. Plus, clocks. The wristwatch caught on clothing, stays wet and clammy if you wash your hands or sweat. And the idea of having to charge it every other day? Not interested.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 7:09 AM on April 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


I bought one, received it on Friday, and I love it.

There's this adorable tamagotchi app, which makes me feel like a kid, so that's one thing. I love the turn by turn directions when driving, though I think it should give you more warning for turns. I think it's meant to be used with the iPhone in view, so I'm thinking about getting a mount for it or something even still. Text messaging is pretty awesome - I was at a party on Saturday, and I got a text like "Are you at the BBQ, or did you go to the bar?" and the first two options the watch gave me for a response were "The BBQ." and "The bar.", so that was awesome. The watch faces are gorgeous, and the digital hybrid stopwatch is something that people could sell for a hundred bucks in of itself. The fitness tracking stuff is so helpful, and I think it's amazing that I can walk to a friend's house, and find out how many calories I burned in doing so (165!). I actually like the trending section on the Twitter app, in fact, I like it more than the trending section on Twitter's actual website. The third party app store definitely leaves much to be desired (makes sense, since hardly anybody owns one of these things), but this is expected. It's nice being able to Shazam in the car without dangerously grabbing for my iPhone.

The watch faces are the best part - it's like the heads up display you always wanted. What's the weather? Quick glance. What's the weather going to be later today? Quick glance. When does the sun set? Quick glance. Have I been active today? Quick glance. What day is it? Quick glance. All of the information that I want to have as up to date in my mind as possible no longer requires that I reach into my pocket and more explicitly task switch.

The battery life is fine - it seems to be better than my phone's battery life, which is also pretty decent.

I'm not sure what more I want in a watch. I'm excited to find out.
posted by oceanjesse at 7:09 AM on April 27, 2015 [7 favorites]


Metafilter: I’m an insufferable asshole, and I’m here to complain about my brand new $350 luxury watch that so far hasn’t lived up to my insanely high expectations, which I am publishing here on Metafilter using my 5k iMac.
posted by Naberius at 7:09 AM on April 27, 2015 [9 favorites]


I absolutely love that this watch tells you to stand up for 1 minute every hour during a movie. I really hope this becomes a thing, like a way for Apple Watch owners to spot each other in cinemas. Perhaps owners of the $10,000 version should stand for 10 minutes every hour, so that their status can be more easily ascertained.
posted by memebake at 7:19 AM on April 27, 2015 [29 favorites]


It's completely unnecessary, occasionally annoying, but I like it. (Plus, I can do this.)

The only use case where it's explicitly better than using one's phone (for me, so far) is a quick "yes/no/ok/emoji" reply to a text-- can do that in seconds, before I'd even have my phone out of my pocket. Otherwise, it's just a remote viewer for phone notifications for the most part.

Here's my prediction: more applications like this will come about as people (especially developers) get to know it.
posted by supercres at 7:21 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


I've had an iPhone since the first one so I'm obviously a fan of the OS. And I like the idea of the watch. But the first thing I've worn on my wrist in the last 30 years is the FitBit Charge, and I feel like it's is a bit too large for constant wearing. Also, I've already scratched the face of it a bit by accidentally banging it against walls and corners and such. So the Apple watch is much bigger than that, and three times as expensive. I can't imagine how I'd feel if within a week of buying the watch I had already managed to damage it. I think I'll be sticking to the phone-only experience for a while.
posted by clone boulevard at 7:24 AM on April 27, 2015


I told you we should have gotten him just a regular gold watch when he left.
posted by Kabanos at 7:25 AM on April 27, 2015 [60 favorites]


Apple doesn't innovate, it iterates.
posted by Foosnark


Eponysterical.
posted by Baldons at 7:26 AM on April 27, 2015


That's a little snarky, but it does raise an important point: will people who don't wear traditional watches ever want a smart watch?

I can't speak for others, but I have zero interest in it. I haven't seen thing one that makes it remotely interesting. At least a smartphone makes it so I don't have to take a laptop everywhere. This doesn't replace or improve on something I am already doing and it's yet another expensive fragile thing I need to keep charged, updated, blah blah blah. And then in 18 months, it will be obsolete and nothing will work with it again.

But if you like them, then hey, go nuts.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:26 AM on April 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


I can walk to a friend's house, and find out how many calories I burned in doing so (165!)

Unless you walked over three miles to get there, that number is junk. All of those YOU BURNED X CALORIES should be over basal, otherwise they give you a false sense of achievement.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 7:35 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


Courtney Milan got one for the fitness features and has found some issues, but on the whole it's not bad so far. Though it won't replace her dog.
posted by Shmuel510 at 7:37 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Unless you walked over three miles to get there, that number is junk. All of those YOU BURNED X CALORIES should be over basal, otherwise they give you a false sense of achievement."

Bullshit. I burn X CALORIES all the time. A. See? I just hit a button on my keyboard and burnt X CALORIES while you were reading this very sentence!
posted by I-baLL at 7:41 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have to say for myself, who didn't wear a watch for years and years, there's something comforting about having my Pebble on my wrist. It seems silly, but I much rather look at the time on my wrist than my phone.
posted by tittergrrl at 7:45 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


"Unless you walked over three miles to get there, that number is junk. All of those YOU BURNED X CALORIES should be over basal, otherwise they give you a false sense of achievement.

Outside of an exercise physiology lab, 'calories burned' is -- at best -- an estimate. And given the way using it in the wrong context can really mess up your head, I suggest starting with BMR or sedentary TDEE for a week, disregarding calories-out, then as you gather actual data, and aren't working with estimates adjust your targets as needed...
posted by mikelieman at 7:45 AM on April 27, 2015


165 calories isn't going to be three miles either. Maybe a mile? That seems pretty reasonable for a round-trip walk to a friend's house.
posted by smackfu at 7:49 AM on April 27, 2015


Nanukthedog: But he didn't answer an obvious question: How well does Metafilter look on it?

There is no web browser on the WATCH.
posted by emelenjr at 7:51 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Is this something I would need a wrist to care about? I don't even own an arm.
posted by dr_dank at 7:53 AM on April 27, 2015 [16 favorites]


but it does raise an important point: will people who don't wear traditional watches ever want a smart watch?

I don't know that it speaks to the smart watch question necessarily, but I am one of those people who didn't wear a watch for multiple decades. Then my then-fiance got my grandfather's 1950s-era Rolex rehabilitated and gave it to me as a wedding present. I wear it every day. And now that I do wear it, I find myself using it a lot more often than I thought I might. Sure, I could dig into my pocket and yank out my iPhone to see what time it is. But this doesn't really help me if I'm charging up the escalator at Grand Central or doing any number of other things that would make pulling out my smart phone either cumbersome or ill-advised.

For people who really find having something on their wrist uncomfortable, I wonder if this might be similar to those who find wearing a suit uncomfortable: taking the time to get the correct fit and the correct materials for you makes a huge difference. I personally prefer a metal bracelet that's loose enough that I can fit my meaty index finger between the strap and my wrist. Other people prefer a snug leather strap. And so on. The guy who services my watch says that it's even somewhat common for people to wear a leather strap during the cooler half of the year and a metal bracelet during the warmer half of the year -- something I might try next winter.


All this is to say that you never can tell what might incentivize someone to start wearing a watch (or, in this case, watch-like smart device).
posted by slkinsey at 7:55 AM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


I just finished reading the article and what bothers me is a lot of the UI problems weren't present in the iPod Nano 6th generation. In fact, I, and probably a lot of other people, expected the Apple Watch to be a continuation of the 6th gen iPod Nano since it was quite perfect and the only thing missing was an SDK for it.

Also, Matt said the following at the end of the article:

"I commend Apple for taking such big public risks on new things"

Smart watches aren't at all new. They've been around since, if I remember correctly, 2006. I bought one on Amazon a year or two ago for 50 bucks. It's a bit big but I can make calls on it, take notes using a tiny stylus or just push with my fat fingers. There's a speaker phone option, a non-speaker phone option, bluetooth capability, and other stuff. And it's just $50. So I'm kinda surprised that the Apple Watch doesn't sound any better than that.
posted by I-baLL at 7:57 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah, it was like 8 or 9 blocks each way. Plus I stopped into a coffee shop. Plus I ran two blocks to burn extra calories at the end to meet my goal.
posted by oceanjesse at 7:59 AM on April 27, 2015


" Then my then-fiance got my grandfather's 1950s-era Rolex rehabilitated and gave it to me as a wedding present. I wear it every day."

I wear a watch for the very same reason you do. Convenience. However I wear a cheapo Casio quartz watch because quartz watches are multitudes better at retaining accuracy over mechanical watches. Not to knock Rolexes or other mechanical watches but it's quite amazing how revolutionary quartz watches were when they came out and how much they've affected our lives without us realizing it.
posted by I-baLL at 7:59 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


That was the most ridiculous overuse of technology for tracking such a mediocre feat I've ever seen.

Letterman already covered that in his take on the Apple Watch.
posted by fuse theorem at 8:14 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I recently started wearing a watch again. I realized that when I was constantly pulling my phone out of my pocket to look at the time I would also notice other notifications/distractions and then interact with them. So, I started wearing a traditional wrist watch to reduce those distractions and make me more selective about when I deal with notifications.

I'm pretty sure this product is not aimed at me.
posted by meinvt at 8:22 AM on April 27, 2015 [10 favorites]


165 calories isn't going to be three miles either. Maybe a mile?

Nope.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 8:22 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


What is being used for what I presume is the Apple logo beside the word watch in the article and in this thread that I can't see in Firefox or Chrome?

How will this watch affect full on OS X apps from Apple given the affect that iOS has had on the most recent Pages, Numbers, Keynote software?
posted by juiceCake at 8:25 AM on April 27, 2015


jeff-o-matic: There's simply no reason to wear a wristwatch anymore except out of habit.

Oh, I would disagree. My phone is on a belt clip, and I will instead check my watch before the phone for no other reason than because raising my arm to show me the watch finishes the task, whereas raising my arm to get the phone off the case to bring it to my face and activate it to check the time is….more? And I am, above all, lazy.

Also, my watch is solar, which is pretty neat. My parents gave it to me, and looking at the watch reminds me of them, and how I can always go to them for problem simple ("What time is it?") or serious, and they will do their best to advise me. (Love you, Mom & Dad!) And it should do this for decades to come.

Whereas that watch is going to be "Current generation minus two" in, what, three years tops? Forget it.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:34 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


What is being used for what I presume is the Apple logo beside the word watch in the article and in this thread that I can't see in Firefox or Chrome?

Unicode character U+F8FF.
posted by skymt at 8:38 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


If anybody here can get me a massively high paying job as a smartwatch designer then I'll design a smartwatch that not only makes sense but will be the fashion statement of the century: The Smart Pocketwatch.
posted by I-baLL at 8:42 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


My phone is on a belt clip

XD
posted by entropicamericana at 8:45 AM on April 27, 2015


I put on my $160 Hoka One One shoes and my $130 Backbeat FIT bluetooth headphones and strapped my $500 iPhone 6+ to my upper arm before putting my $350 watch on my wrist to track a 2 mile run.

@kp, I loved this sentence so much precisely for this reason. Please put this in a time capsule, beam it to outer space, etc.

Ex: This comment on MetaFilter comes courtesy of $WAYTOOMUCHDOUGHINTOOLS for the task.
posted by drowsy at 8:47 AM on April 27, 2015


A wristwatch has its purpose, but really, I remember just checking it over and over while waiting, and really, do I need to know the exact time ALL the time? I could see being even more addicted to updates, and smartphone addiction is not something that I need to amp up, I have it in spades as it is.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 8:47 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


I got one for development, and I don't think I've gotten it otherwise. But I think a lot of geeks who don't typically wear a lot of jewelry are using it as an excuse to accessorize. Even with the dorky sports band it looks ok with my $20 wedding band.

In a way it makes you use your phone less, since it's kind of like methadone for the info junkie always checking their notifications. It's also useful as a remote control for music and Apple TV, and taking the occasional phone call on it is pretty natural.

But I think it's right to consider it a luxury item, not essential. Case in point: I don't even use my own apps on it that often. In fact the only third-party apps I left installed were weather apps.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:52 AM on April 27, 2015


Conan's already got you beat: Introducing Apple Pocketwatch, only $259.
posted by fragmede at 8:53 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I can't speak for others, but I have zero interest in it. I haven't seen thing one that makes it remotely interesting.

I quit wearing a watch back in, like, 1989, when I lost yet another one because I took it off in a restaurant and then walked out without it. Since then, I've realized that the problem was always not liking to have things on my wrists—I don't even like long sleeves, and will always push them up if I'm wearing them.

Last summer, I visited a friend who had and loved a Pebble watch. I noticed it first because it was very attractive, and then over the weekend we spent together got interested in its functionality as well. I could imagine uses for a watch that would solve some of my phone problems. I carry a bag, and my phone is usually in it, often on the other side of the room, for instance, so it's pretty much a pain to check the time, see who's calling, read a text that just came in. All of these things would be easy on a smart watch. Since I saw my friend and learned that, indeed, his Pebble watch worked very well for all of these things, I've regretted that there's not a smart watch in my future. Sometimes I fantasize about the smart watch equivalent of those watches nurses used to wear pinned to their shirts, with the watch face upside-down so they could glance down at it to see the time.
posted by not that girl at 8:55 AM on April 27, 2015


And the idea of having to charge it every other day? Not interested.

This is the objection that seems weirdest to me. I do wear a watch (not a smartwatch), and have worn one for years. I take it off every night before I go to bed. I also set my phone down next to it and plug it in every night. Do most people not do this? If you do, how is it a burden to, when you set the watch down on the nightstand, attach it to a cord? If you're not doing that, what are you planning to do with it overnight? I'm not planning to buy a v1 Apple Watch for a number of reasons, but this feels to me like looking for reasons to complain.
posted by primethyme at 8:57 AM on April 27, 2015 [9 favorites]


Actually, as I think about it, I used to love my ipod shuffle with the built-in clip for workouts. I'd buy an apple watch version of that that I could clip to the collar of my shirt.
posted by not that girl at 9:00 AM on April 27, 2015


juiceCake, to summarize skymt's link:

it's not that you're in firefox or chrome, it's that you're not on an apple platform, or are on an apple platform and rendering in a font that apple hasn't inserted their own custom glyph onto a codepoint reserved for private use to represent their logo, because they refuse to support an international standard that they haven't extended in a crassly proprietary fashion to suit their own corporate aims, somewhat akin to the behaviors of microsoft ca. 1998.
posted by 7segment at 9:01 AM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]




What is being used for what I presume is the Apple logo beside the word watch in the article and in this thread that I can't see in Firefox or Chrome?

Or in Safari, on iOS.
posted by jb at 9:07 AM on April 27, 2015


Overnight? Fitbit's got a couple smartwatches that do sleep monitoring, making it kind of key that you're wearing it overnight and in the wee hours of the morning. Fortunately the battery lasts a couple days so you don't need to plug it in while you're sleeping.
posted by fragmede at 9:07 AM on April 27, 2015


I thought sleep monitoring would be part of the apple watch also. Guess not.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 9:11 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm not planning to buy a v1 Apple Watch for a number of reasons, but this feels to me like looking for reasons to complain.

I disagree. A couple of the useful features of wearable technology is sleep tracking and alarms that allow you to do things without involving others. Sleep is a huge component of health, and therefore very useful (if it's right, which I will get to) if you're enticed by the notion that knowing more about your health will lead to better health decisions.

I had a Jawbone Up and the alarm was awesome - light vibration that my partner wouldn't detect allowed her to get a deeper early-morning sleep. The sleep data was very suspect, and the device broke twice in 6 months, but I was at least able to play with my sleep environment and see how the changes impacted my sleep cycles, which has all kinds of other positive impacts to your health.
posted by buoys in the hood at 9:18 AM on April 27, 2015


ThePinkSuperhero: I thought this piece was great. Loved how he was able to weave his family story into it.

I was completely sidelined by the ending. I happened to take a break from reading that article just before Matt brought up his family and it was like I started reading a completely different article. That's a heartbreaking situation.
posted by Kattullus at 9:21 AM on April 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


I'm hoping that it will keep Anna Kendrick as far away as possible from me at all times

Good, that means more Anna Kendrick for me!
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:26 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Christ, what an asshole. (just kidding - please don't ban me!)
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 9:28 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


The Smart Pocketwatch

Throw in a Google Monocle, and I'm in.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 9:30 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


Matt's review reads like American Psycho without all the killing.

I put on my $160 Hoka One One shoes and my $130 Backbeat FIT bluetooth headphones and strapped my $500 iPhone 6+ to my upper arm before putting my $350 watch on my wrist to track a 2 mile run.

Should we be worried?
posted by jeremias at 9:32 AM on April 27, 2015 [6 favorites]


Back when I had a Nexus 5, I was seriously considering an Android Wear watch. Then I got a Nexus 6 and I found that everything I would use a watch for I can just ask my phone to tell me and it will.

"OK, shitbird, what time is it?"

"It is 12:30 PM"

"OK, shitbird, will it rain today?"

"Yes, there is a 60% chance of rain starting at 2 o'clock"

"OK, shitbird, how old is Louis CK?"

"Now you're just fucking with me, aren't you?"

Having a phone that listens for commands without having to pick it up, touch it, or even remove it from your pocket is quite a game changer. I'm surprised Apple hasn't yet done the same with Siri.
posted by wierdo at 9:33 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


That's a little snarky, but it does raise an important point: will people who don't wear traditional watches ever want a smart watch?

Nope! Not unless they advance beyond a useless 400 dollar toy for Valley boy-man new money, anyway
posted by codacorolla at 9:34 AM on April 27, 2015


As I have said before, the Apple Watch can be the best designed smart watch ever, like even for all future time, and it will still have exactly the same issues as every shit Android Wear watch. You get too many notifications or, sometimes, too few. Until batteries improve 10x it will flash on and off seemingly at random and require wake-up taps. And things like "get up and walk around" - imagine you've just been injured in a traffic accident and you're in an emergency room hospital bed... and the damn watch start buzzing to get up and take a walk. These are unsolvable problems, short of some Diamond Age-esque watch that has a human being remotely monitoring you that can actually understand context.

But it is a nicely designed thing to wear on your wrist.
posted by GuyZero at 9:44 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Apparently my new Javascript Blocker 5 security settings are so high that medium.com pages will not load. Judging from the reactions to this article, this is the appropriate security setting.
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:44 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Just rotate the watch to the inside of the wrist in the movies. Does't it have a night-night one touch app?

I bought myself a pretty little watch 25 years ago for Mother's day, just in time for farsightedness to set in, rendering it useless. I don't even want to know what time it is, only times like daytime, summertime, night time, wintertime. All around me the devices talk time, I am not chopping up the time I have left into discreet little bits for others to devour.

Wow, all that tech!
posted by Oyéah at 9:44 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Nope! Not unless they advance beyond a useless 400 dollar toy for Valley boy-man new money, anyway

People spend lots of money on all kinds of different fashion accessories. This at least theoretically has some uses. Those beats by dre headphones (the cans, not the buds) that you see around all the time generally run from $80-200 dollars.

I am not going to be surprised at all when the apple smartwatch takes over.
posted by mayonnaises at 9:46 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm only beginning to learn how to use the phone correctly. I'm not ready for this.
posted by mazola at 9:54 AM on April 27, 2015


I feel naked without a watch, and have a nice little collection of them, including good quality some self-winding watches. The ones I rarely wear are the wind-up watches. Too much bother to keep them wound up, or to re-set them if I forget to do so, so they mostly collect dust now. One of the most enjoyable parts of wearing a watch is picking one out in the morning. With the wind-up watches, I either have to wear them every day or manually wind them. Smart watches don't interest me at all. You have to charge them daily and you are stuck wearing the same watch, day in day out. Changing the face just isn't the same as picking a different watch out in the morning.
posted by fimbulvetr at 9:59 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


The easily changeable bands are their attempt to address that, but it's not wholly successful.
posted by smackfu at 10:01 AM on April 27, 2015


will people who don't wear traditional watches ever want a smart watch?

I wear an analog watch. Partly because it's easier to sneak a peek at a watch than pulling out my cell phone during a meeting that is two hours on the clock but seems like two years in subjective time and I'm wondering how much longer I have in this particular purgatory, but largely out of habit.

The past year or so I've gotten it into my head that I'd like a completely miniminalist watch — by which I mean that it has, on its face, an hour hand, a minute hand, and nothing else. No numbers, no tick marks for hours or minutes, no date indicator, no brand name or other words. The only actual analog watch I've found that does this is the Ziiiro Ion, but it has a hard plastic bracelet-type band I don't think I'd like.

I'm an Android user, and recently I've been looking at some of the Android smart watches. Why? Not because I want to use it for phone calls or texts or tweets or email or fitness monitoring nor any of the other hundred things it could do, but because I could set it to that completely minimalist watch face I want. That's right: if I ever got a smart watch, the primary reason would be to use it as a watch.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:02 AM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


If anybody here can get me a massively high paying job as a smartwatch designer then I'll design a smartwatch that not only makes sense but will be the fashion statement of the century: The Smart Pocketwatch.

Been there. Done that. Got the, um, Runcible.
posted by The Bellman at 10:05 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm waiting for the Apple Grandfather Clock that contains a rackmount server and RAID configuration.
posted by mazola at 10:08 AM on April 27, 2015 [14 favorites]


Overnight? Fitbit's got a couple smartwatches that do sleep monitoring, making it kind of key that you're wearing it overnight and in the wee hours of the morning. Fortunately the battery lasts a couple days so you don't need to plug it in while you're sleeping.

The problem I had when I wore a fitbit was because I did not get into a habit of charging it nightly due to its multi-day power capacity, my fitbit would often run out of power and need to be charged at random times during the day, sometimes when I was in the middle of a workout, which was especially inconvenient for its purpose as a fitness tracker.
posted by gyc at 10:09 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Pro Tip for detecting satire:

If the article begins with "I am an insufferable asshole, and I’m here to complain about my brand new $350 luxury watch..."

This is satire.
posted by mcstayinskool at 10:10 AM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


I like the idea of a pocketwatch.

Regardless, it's hard to deny that Apple is really good at taking relatively unknown technologies, taking them to the next iteration, then sucking in their wealthier customers to pay a premium to become a test market for the first few iterations.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:12 AM on April 27, 2015


I assume the watch is made for manly-man wrists and will be useless on the delicate little twigs I use for arms.
posted by desjardins at 10:18 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm surprised Apple hasn't yet done the same with Siri.

They have, or rather they've put in a thing that starts Siri up whenever it hears something that sounds a bit like "Hey, Siri", on the TV or whatever. Obviously it doesn't work when you want it to do something, that would be too easy.

They changed the voice on UK Siri a while back - it used to be one of the more popular male voices from XtraNormal, older, plummier, with a bit of an edge to his voice, which was used for especially sarcastic rants against bad clients, so trying to get Siri to do anything was a bit like attempting to coerce usefulness out of Douglas from Cabin Pressure in an especially recalcitrant mood. They replaced him with a much younger man, so now Siri more resembles an eager to please but half-witted work experience boy.

(I just tried it but Siri's not playing ball, possibly because it wouldn't be inconvenient.)

I suspect I'd be more indulgent of the device's failings if they'd used a female voice like in the United States.
posted by Grangousier at 10:21 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


There's simply no reason to wear a wristwatch anymore except out of habit.

The reason I wear a wrist watch is so I can tell the time and date far more quickly then pulling out a phone or other device that has time on it. I admit though, when I'm in a place where there is a clock on the wall within my immediate line of sight I use that instead of my wristwatch. It's fascinating to see how differently we all view the world and what is useful or not (or without reason) within it. I can only assume that when wrist watches came out some people felt there was simply no reason for clocks on walls anymore except out of habit.

I do go for entirely analog watches (or as close as you can get these days) as I find them much quicker to process then digital or "smart". That said, I do know people who actually can't read clocks so anything digital or "smart" will be of benefit to them. I gather it's like people who can't read or write cursive.

But it is a nicely designed thing to wear on your wrist.

The Apple Watch looks like something my mother had to wear when she was going through cancer treatment. It's got to be one of the ugliest, sterile looking watches I've ever seen for the price. But such judgements are of course entirely relative.

I'm waiting for the Apple Grandfather Clock that contains a rackmount server and RAID configuration.

Might make the Xserve crowd happy.
posted by juiceCake at 10:25 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


So, can the Apple Watch emulate Mickey Mouse's watch? I don't mean a Mickey Mouse watch, I mean the watch Mickey Mouse owns, which has Michael Eisner on the watch face.

Michael Eisner's watch has Mickey on the face, but why would anyone try to be like Michael Eisner?
posted by ckape at 10:30 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I could have really used this in law school if it had a "jolt sleeping student awake" app. But then I would have been awake more during law school, so, whatevs.
posted by angrycat at 10:40 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Dick Tracy didn't call back. dtmfa.
posted by mule98J at 10:43 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm actually curious, since I don't get this idea at all, can someone make a pitch to sell me on smartwatches as a form factor? Like not even the stuff that's out there right now - let's say a best case scenario design.
posted by codacorolla at 10:43 AM on April 27, 2015


Wait... So he's got a low user number.... Why should we care about his opinion again?

😁
posted by Nanukthedog at 10:45 AM on April 27, 2015


DevilsAdvocate: I've gotten it into my head that I'd like a completely minimalist watch — by which I mean that it has, on its face, an hour hand, a minute hand, and nothing else. No numbers, no tick marks for hours or minutes, no date indicator, no brand name or other words.

Aren't you describing the classic Movado One Dot watch?

(Designed in 1947 by Bauhaus-influenced artist Nathan George Horwitt, the watch dial defined by a solitary dot at 12, symbolizing the sun at high noon, has been acclaimed for purity of design unrivaled in the history of time-keeping.)
posted by RedOrGreen at 10:57 AM on April 27, 2015


My favourite part of all this is that whenever some smartypants internet person uses Unicode to render the  logo in the product name, as Matt has done in his headline, it renders on all non- devices as a digital shrug. In my case, on this computer, it's a numbery box of mystery.

Way to promote the brand, !
posted by Sys Rq at 11:03 AM on April 27, 2015 [5 favorites]


My current and favorite watch

I just replaced the battery for the first time; it lasted about a year, just like a regular watch. If you're into fitness it has an accelerometer and can do all the fitbit crap. It also has a thermometer, RF capability so you can wave your arm around and control the mouse on your computer, barometer which is a hoot on an airplane, and when you buy it for about $50 from some place like DigiKey you get all the tools you need to rewrite and download the firmware if you want to.

Or you can just see what other people have done. I will probably never write a line of code myself for the cc430 but my watch shows the day of the week and has an egg timer the TI firmware doesn't do out of the can. And did I mention the battery lasted a whole year?
posted by localroger at 11:04 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Was at the apple store for a non-watch issue last Friday. While waiting they played the watch promo vid in a loop. Apparently you can text little doodles to people.

I can see these things being really cool in five years.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 11:26 AM on April 27, 2015


I assume the watch is made for manly-man wrists and will be useless on the delicate little twigs I use for arms.

Well actually the smaller Apple Watch is very nicely proportioned on my delicate tiny wrist. Even the bigger Apple Watch is smaller than the most popular Android Wear watches out there.
posted by gyc at 11:27 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I was an early adopter for the iPhone, iPad, and Mac mini, all of which I bought within a week or so of first availability.

I'm not even slightly tempted to do that with the watch. I'm also contemplating rolling my Macs back to Mavericks and even looking at selling my iPhone 6 -- my fourth iPhone in succession and the first I've ever contemplated shitcanning -- and going Android/Cyanogen for mobile and mostly Linux with the occasional Windows VM for that occasionally inescapably necessary commercial application support.

It would be facile to say that Apple without Jobs isn't Apple anymore but in terms of my own experience, they seem to have massively lost the plot in the last couple of years; my Apple experience has become a litany of bugs, design misfires and complete, long-term failures of what I had thought was settled functionality. If they were a scrappy startup I'd cut them the kind of slack they seem to be demanding right now, but they're not: they're about as established as you can get and continuously, staggeringly profitable.

Other platforms are good enough to be getting on with and open enough that immense talent is continually at work improving them. I'd rather be a part of that now and for the forseeable future.
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:32 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


DevilsAdvocate: I've gotten it into my head that I'd like a completely minimalist watch — by which I mean that it has, on its face, an hour hand, a minute hand, and nothing else.

RedOrGreen: Aren't you describing the classic Movado One Dot watch?

Take another look at the One Dot and see if there's anything on there that is neither the hour hand nor the minute hand. (If you're still having difficulty, the name is a big hint.)

(Less snarkily, the One Dot is one I had come across in searching for a "completely minimialist" watch. And rejected as something that was very close to what I wanted, but not what I wanted.)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 11:51 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


So you're looking for the Movado No Dot?
posted by mazola at 12:01 PM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


You should check out the minimalist watches on Watchismo.com. They have a number of them that fit your description.
posted by fimbulvetr at 12:02 PM on April 27, 2015


> I was an early adopter for the iPhone, iPad, and Mac mini, all of which I bought within a week or so of first availability. I'm not even slightly tempted to do that with the watch.

Interesting. On the flip side, I only came to Mac with OS X (10.3, I believe) once I could port over most of my Linux applications and workflow. I did marry into a heavily Mac-using family, and my first iPhone was a hand-me-down 3G from my brother in law. But since then, I've slowly moved into earlier and earlier adoption, and my watch was just delivered at home a couple of hours ago, apparently.

> They seem to have massively lost the plot in the last couple of years ... Other platforms are good enough to be getting on with.

So I'll disagree with the first part - they seem to be doing okay for most things for me, at least. Of course I have gripes aplenty: the way they ruined the Podcast experience, the way sync still flakes out once in a while with no recourse, the way they hold my conservative "will not upgrade till OS X N.3" policy against me. But on balance, I'm not unhappy. (Maybe I have low standards, coming from the $%%$#@ world where every kernel update broke my Airport card and ALSA Sound never worked? But that was over 10 years ago.)

On the other hand, I do agree with your second part: other platforms are getting good enough, and more than good enough - Android's doing great, as long as you are willing to live with Google, and I hear plenty of good things about Windows Phone. I absolutely am rooting for them to also succeed, because fierce competition is the only thing that has a chance of keeping Apple somewhat honest and somewhat on their toes.
posted by RedOrGreen at 12:05 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Interesting. On the flip side, I only came to Mac with OS X (10.3, I believe)

Same here: The first mini came with Panther. It's what converted me to a primarily OSX user; for me it was the watershed release: the point at which I felt there was unequivocally more upside to primarily using OSX over Windows and Linux than downside.

I absolutely am rooting for them to also succeed, because fierce competition is the only thing that has a chance of keeping Apple somewhat honest and somewhat on their toes.

Agreed again. I have a lot of fun bashing Windows but historically they did good work where they had serious competition (well, good work and the occasional massive anticompetitive sneak attack) and amazing work when they're the underdog. What Apple needs right now is a serious challenge to their market share and automatic loyalty. They're obviously capable of superb work, but right now they're putting out that entitled vibe, and what they probably need most in the world is for their loyal customer base to mysteriously NOT just automatically run out and buy their latest expensive thing.
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:22 PM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


There's going to be a really bad incident in a movie theatre that starts with a patron wearing an Apple Watch and finishes with several days of CNN "analysis", isn't there?
posted by Wordshore at 12:24 PM on April 27, 2015


Most of the time I want my watch to be a watch. My phone is a Swiss army knife of functions, my iPad is a laptop replacement for content consumption and media, my laptop is a workhorse for content creation and anything that doesn't play nice with mobile.

I don't really see any need for a smart watch in my life.

My wife is interested in the FitBit... which is OK, I guess, but also makes me sad, because I bought her a very nice watch. I feel like if she gets the FitBit she'll stop wearing the analog (or the digital watches she wears on other days) because who needs to wear two watches?

I have a Garmin I use to track running distance. Sure, the iPhone can do that too, but it's not easy to glance at when I'm running, because it goes in a pocket in the race belt strapped to my lower back. From Matt's post on Medium I see the Apple Watch can manage your music while running... great, except his struggle to switch to a different song is just awful. I use an early-gen Shuffle when I am running, because it is small, lightweight, and I can skip songs or adjust volume without having to look at the damn thing. The buttons stick out and are physical buttons. It works really well. The newer ones, they pushed the controls to the headphones, which is great if you have Steve Jobs' ears, but the Apple 'phones don't stay put in my ears. At all. Then they got rid of the button and made it a touchscreen, which is great if you want to have to look at it when changing songs. Again, no. Not when I am doing something important like running. I don't want to get hit by a car because I glanced down to skip a song.

(Also my lawn, get off of it.)
posted by caution live frogs at 12:28 PM on April 27, 2015


My iPhone's music app has suddenly started crashing immediately on launch and a hard reset did not fix the issue. You can imagine where I stand on the issue of "has Apple lost their way?"
posted by entropicamericana at 12:35 PM on April 27, 2015


This product makes me want to duct-tape a pair of crutches to a trash can. I'll need some futuristic personal transportation to go with my 2-way wrist tv.
 
posted by Herodios at 12:41 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I assume the watch is made for manly-man wrists and will be useless on the delicate little twigs I use for arms.

Here's a comparison of the volume of some current smartwatches:

1.76 in³ = Samsung Gear S
1.47 in³ = LG Watch R
1.17 in³ = Moto 360
0.96 in³ = Pebble Time Steel
0.96 in³ = 42mm Apple Watch
0.88 in³ = Pebble Time
0.82 in³ = 38mm Apple Watch
posted by fairmettle at 12:46 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I just started wearing my old $10 Casio again because my wife unplugged all the standalone clocks in the house, along with everything else that consumes tiny amounts of electricity, because it all adds up.
Apparently, we only have 1 with an analog dial. I had to set it to 12:00 because every time I walk into that room I look at the clock. I didn't realize how often I looked at that clock until now.

... on its face, an hour hand, a minute hand, and nothing else.
My wife used to make painted clocks. There were never numbers on the clocks, just images where the numbers would go, or for smaller clocks, on the quarter hour.
I cannot believe how many people would come into the booth and ask 'how do you tell the time?' (yes, it did have hands)
posted by MtDewd at 12:49 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


my wife unplugged all the standalone clocks in the house... Apparently, we only have 1 with an analog dial.

An analog clock that runs on house current (with no backup) is nice because that's the way you tell, when your power has gone off, how long it's been off for.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:59 PM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


"Apple seemed to say there should only be ten watch faces and we should be thankful for them even though one is Mickey Mouse which is kind of like saying we get 9 faces."

No, if one of the watch faces is Mickey Mouse, all the other watch faces are superfluous.
posted by TDavis at 1:02 PM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


You either a Mickey Mouse watch person, or you are not.
posted by smackfu at 1:03 PM on April 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


Not quite up to the same level but absolutely in the same ballpark as Philip Greenspun reviews the Acura NSX.

Have you seen the new McLaren?
posted by bukvich at 1:06 PM on April 27, 2015


I think my problem would be that I have to wear reading glasses for books and phones (but not for a desktop screen that's 24" away, or for a full-sized tablet). So I suspect that I wouldn't be able to make use of any text that might appear on a smart watch. Really what I'd want is something that can track vitals and exercise stuff and stream Spotify to a pair of headphones without me having some other bulky device on me (like an iPhone).
posted by freecellwizard at 1:12 PM on April 27, 2015


Glad to see that Apple have stopped banishing Pebble-compatible apps from the app store...

But don't expect any new watch platform to get the same kind of leniency in the future.
posted by schmod at 1:40 PM on April 27, 2015


The Watch is a groundbreaking haptic wearable.

...it is?
posted by qcubed at 1:55 PM on April 27, 2015


Really what I'd want is something that can track vitals and exercise stuff and stream Spotify to a pair of headphones without me having some other bulky device on me (like an iPhone).

Yep, until they can get standalone music playing and GPS into the smart watches they're missing out on my primary use case for wrist-based gizmos. I'd love something less clunky than my big Garmin, it works well but is a huge pain in the ass.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:24 PM on April 27, 2015


Via Kuvaton (Finnish version of Imgur).
posted by Wordshore at 2:44 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I remember when I used to get excited by new Apple products. They have completely lost their way.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:49 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I remember when I used to get excited by new Apple products - posted by doctor_negative.

Eponysterical. Meanwhile, Apple is reporting on another record-breaking quarter, including these snippets about the Watch:

Tim: Customer response is close to 100% positive, based on what I’ve seen. Hard to imagine it being better.

Sacconaghi (analyst): Consensus is expecting that Apple will ship more watches in first two quarters than it did iPad despite limited distribution.

Tim: Demand is much greater than supply, it’s difficult to gauge exactly what it is. We don’t make long-term forecasts, no comment about consensus #
posted by RedOrGreen at 2:57 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


They're the biggest company in the world, you don't need to leap to their defense as soon as anyone questions the party line.
posted by entropicamericana at 3:01 PM on April 27, 2015 [13 favorites]


Won't these be big theft magnets? In Chicago, they call it apple picking, see someone with a nice (usually apple) phone, probably wearing headphones. Snatch it out of their hands and run. Sure there's a wristband so it'd take a struggle to grab it, and I know there's some auto shutoff. But I can't believe there won't be a crack for breaking these things, and in the meantime you're advertising o the casual crime world that you have trendy stuff to steal, stuff that's in high demand.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 3:03 PM on April 27, 2015




The Watch is a groundbreaking haptic wearable.

This statement will probably not get the credit it deserves for being one of the most hilariously, egregiously and unselfconsciously credulous things anyone's ever said on this site, but my hat's off to you anyway.
posted by invitapriore at 3:22 PM on April 27, 2015


I know the standard comment is not to buy version one of an Apple product, but I don't think I remember a product where version 2 is so clearly going to be much, much better.
posted by markr at 4:01 PM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Tim: Customer response is close to 100% positive, based on what I’ve seen. Hard to imagine it being better.

Asshole satisfaction with product made for assholes near 100%. Film at 11. Asshole.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:01 PM on April 27, 2015


(j/k, I honestly have no opinion about the product at this point)
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:07 PM on April 27, 2015


I put on my $160 Hoka One One shoes and my $130 Backbeat FIT bluetooth headphones and strapped my $500 iPhone 6+ to my upper arm before putting my $350 watch on my wrist to track a 2 mile run.

I know this is supposed to come off knowing and wink-y and in-on-the-joke and all, but … being in on the joke about how you're kind of a ridiculous douche doesn't make you less of one. Insofar as it shows you're self-aware and you're still talking about your expensive shit, it arguably makes you more of one. Sorry, mathowie, but this article could maybe have just sat in your drafts folder.
posted by kenko at 4:32 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


(Just to be clear, I don't think it's douchey to own a $160 pair of shoes and a $350 watch. I think it's douchey to write about them in that way, and the wink doesn't help.)
posted by kenko at 4:33 PM on April 27, 2015


Is it less douchey to pretend you don't have stuff that you actually have? That's kind of inverted snobbery.
posted by billiebee at 4:35 PM on April 27, 2015


No, but this kind of "ho ho ho aren't I a scamp flaunting my stuff in a not-really-flaunting-it way (but still, look at my stuff)" writing is not exactly charting the middle course between more conventionally recognizable douchebaggery and pretending not to have nice things (not that those are even the extremes of the same scale).
posted by kenko at 4:43 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I want to know why his iPhone+ only cost $500
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:51 PM on April 27, 2015


idk I suppose I was thinking someone writing about having an apple watch hot from the press would just already be assumed to have other expensive stuff so why pretend? I get what you're saying but "person who can afford apple watch has other expensive things" doesn't seem that earth-shattering to me. Fuck it, the man earned the money for his toys from herding MeFite-shaped cats for a stupid amount of years. No amount of shiny stuff could pay me to do that :)
posted by billiebee at 5:06 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I like my Apple Watch. It looks like a tiny iPhone 1 on my wrist. Also, I like gadgets, and I like to get newer gadgets. I had a Commodore 64, too. And a Palm Pilot.

I thought the article was funny, and sad, and spot-on.

Now we have yet another thing to ask students to put on the tray when they take exams.
posted by Peach at 5:14 PM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Won't these be big theft magnets? In Chicago, they call it apple picking, see someone with a nice (usually apple) phone, probably wearing headphones. Snatch it out of their hands and run. Sure there's a wristband so it'd take a struggle to grab it, and I know there's some auto shutoff. But I can't believe there won't be a crack for breaking these things, and in the meantime you're advertising o the casual crime world that you have trendy stuff to steal, stuff that's in high demand.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 7:03 on April 28 [+] [!]


Given that the so-far-undefeated Find My Phone lockout feature came out with iOS 7 over a year and a half ago now, I'd be pretty shocked if iPhone theft were still much of a thing. I'd have to imagine that word travels pretty fast that a stolen iPhone has all the practical value of one of those plastic mockup phones they have at cell phone stores.

"Apple Picking" sounds like something made up by Local TV News to pad out a slow evening and increase FUD, to be honest.
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:53 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Right now the Apple watch is a serious douche accessory, but given their track record I am sure that in a few years they will be commonplace.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:53 PM on April 27, 2015


They're the biggest company in the world, you don't need to leap to their defense as soon as anyone questions the party line.

They are definitely not the biggest company in the world by any reasonable measure of size. They are the most capitalized (and perversely also the most annoying capitalizers).
posted by srboisvert at 6:13 PM on April 27, 2015


Given that the so-far-undefeated Find My Phone lockout feature came out with iOS 7 over a year and a half ago now, I'd be pretty shocked if iPhone theft were still much of a thing. I'd have to imagine that word travels pretty fast that a stolen iPhone has all the practical value of one of those plastic mockup phones they have at cell phone stores.

"Apple Picking" sounds like something made up by Local TV News to pad out a slow evening and increase FUD, to be honest.


This year Chicago mayor Rahm Emmanual's son was mugged for his iPhone right under the noses of the mayoral security detail. iPhone theft is still a thing because most muggers are dumb.
posted by srboisvert at 6:16 PM on April 27, 2015


In 2015, nobody actually needs a watch. A watch is a piece of jewelry. The Apple Watch is no different.
posted by evil otto at 8:14 PM on April 27, 2015


perversely also the most annoying capitalizers

I wonder if anyone out there ever memorized whether it was the iPod mini or the Mac mini or the iPad mini that got "mini" capitalized, because I know for a fact that it was at least one but definitely not all
posted by DoctorFedora at 9:07 PM on April 27, 2015


No, but this kind of "ho ho ho aren't I a scamp flaunting my stuff in a not-really-flaunting-it way (but still, look at my stuff)" writing is not exactly charting the middle course between more conventionally recognizable douchebaggery and pretending not to have nice things

kenko, I was trying to lay out how ridiculous it is to do the things Apple is expecting customers to do. There are no wires or mini headphone jacks in the watch, but it has a system memory for songs so they assume you will play music over bluetooth, and those headphones aren't cheap. Along with the phone, the watch, and the headphones, I realized I also run in this new trendy cushion running shoe brand that charges insane amounts for a shoe. Anyway, I wanted to demonstrate that yes it is ridiculous to put on $1100 worth of gear to run for just two miles, but Apple expects their average customer to do this everyday and consider it normal.

Ever since I got this watch (mine is white and pretty noticeable) I have felt like a douchebag wherever I go. I buy new tech products because I want to try new tech out, and I knew this thing was non-essential, so there I am walking around feeling like an idiot and it was a pain to setup and then the thing happened at the Movies and I wondered how did none of the apple watch developers go to the movies wearing one before? Why didn't they catch this?

Anyway, yeah, I was trying to crack my friends up by playing up an asshole persona who would own one and it kind of went way farther in terms of readership than I anticipated and I've spent two days arguing with nerds ever since.

I think the basic premise stands: this will make you feel ridiculous. it could be easier to use and do more stuff. and it will annoy you from time to time but in the future be better.
posted by mathowie at 10:23 PM on April 27, 2015 [25 favorites]


Shoulda got a Pebble!

(full disclosure: have both a Pebble Time and Pebble Time Steel on order, wear a Pebble classic daily)
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 1:44 AM on April 28, 2015


In 2015, nobody actually needs a watch. A watch is a piece of jewelry. The Apple Watch is no different.
posted by evil otto at 8:14 PM on April 27 [+] [!]


I wouldn't say I need a watch, but it comes in handy literally dozens of times a day. Like when I can press a button on my watch to pause music playback to hear the station announcer announce that my train is 10 minutes late, or when I can quickly glance at the time while teaching to make sure I keeping to schedule. Call and message notifications can be rather handy as well - i.e. if my watch is telling me that my Mum is calling during work hours I know that something serious is probably up and can excuse myself from meetings/conversations much more politely than pulling out my phone.

Also, Men have relatively limited ways to express themselves through accessories, the watch being perhaps one of the key options.

As a non iOS user my main interest, both personally and professionally, in the Apple Watch is its potential for popularising smart watches.
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 1:51 AM on April 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


This doesn't entirely solve the problem of being told to stand up in a movie theater, but you can mute the watch in the glances menu, all the way to the left. My hope is that bluetooth headphones will drop in price to accommodate skyrocketing demand from wearables of all shapes and sizes.
posted by oceanjesse at 6:52 AM on April 28, 2015


Metafilter : I've spent two days arguing with nerds ever since.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:25 AM on April 28, 2015 [8 favorites]


Has anyone designed the "Binky" watch cover yet? I'd fer shur wear one then.
posted by Oyéah at 11:36 AM on April 28, 2015


This piece does a good job of laying out the significant UX challenges of a smartwatch. Hitting the sweet spot of the right amount of intelligence, notifications, and interactivity is not easy, nor, I think, inevitable.

On the notifications front, I'm not sure we'll get where we want to without some sort of intelligent agent managing what we get notified of and what we don't. The per-app/per-type filters (ie. Instagram notifies me when people like my photos but now when they comment) is pretty coarse for something that will tap to get your attention whenever/wherever. An intelligent agent could know, for instance, that you care when you get a FB event invite from your closer (or more interesting) friends but not when your old high school friend invites you to (yet another) party they're DJing.
posted by wemayfreeze at 12:29 PM on April 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


If anybody here can get me a massively high paying job as a smartwatch designer then I'll design a smartwatch that not only makes sense but will be the fashion statement of the century: The Smart Pocketwatch.

I've been thinking about that too. What if you could do a lot of the same things the smartwatch can do, but in a form factor maybe about 3-4" x 6" rectangular or so - maybe a little thinner than a deck of cards? Touchscreen, bluetooth, throw in a phone app - should be killer...
posted by randomkeystrike at 1:40 PM on April 29, 2015


WSJ report: Apple Watch: Faulty Taptic Engine Slows Rollout

Supplies crimped after testing found problems with Chinese-made component that creates gentle tapping sensation. [...] Reliability testing revealed that some taptic engines supplied by AAC Technologies Holdings Inc., of Shenzhen, China, started to break down over time ... Apple scrapped some completed watches as a result. Taptic engines produced by a second supplier, Japan’s Nidec Corp., didn’t experience the same problem ... Apple doesn’t plan a recall, because there’s no indication that Apple shipped any watches with the defective part to customers.

And then, weirdly enough:

The shortages highlight the potential downside of Apple’s lean supply chain. Apple can produce massive quantities of products with little waste and excess supply, but it can experience shortages when a problem arises with a key part.
posted by RedOrGreen at 7:16 PM on April 29, 2015


Saw an Apple Watch for the first time in the wild today and frankly it looks pretty clunky and homely on a wrist. Or at least on a small woman's wrist.
posted by octothorpe at 8:03 AM on May 2, 2015


I guess I am a horrid person, because I bought my apple watch 15 minutes after it went on sale online, which is when the site actually worked, and I love it a lot. Not everything is perfect . . . it can be several beats too slow to respond to my liking . . . but boy, it beats my Fitbits and Misfit and traditional watch coming and going. I don't care about its new emoticons or doing goofy things like sending people doodles/heartbeats, but it does so many things so well:
1. It is a good watch. I'd like to customize the face more, but it is clear and easy to read and accurate.
2. It is a kick ass fitness device if you like to walk, bike or run as I do. It is ACCURATE and unobtrusive.
3. It keeps me on schedule. I set a bunch of alarms and I love the subtle notification during the day when my alarms come up.
4. It is a great timer. I just say "Hey Siri" to my watch, tell it to set a timer, and that's it. Sure has made cooking that much easier.
5. It gives me a lot of information - news, stocks, weather, activity reading, baseball score etc. -- quickly without losing contact with the person/people I am with, because I need only glance at it.
6. It is already a slick way to make payments and show movie tickets and boarding passes (readable code right there on the wrist!) open SPG hotel doors and respond to texts and dictate notes and do a lot of other stuff without ever taking your phone out of your pocket.
7. I can take calls on my watch, which is darn handy. My watch remote controls my music on my phone and my phone's camera, which is really remarkable.
8. It looks nice. I have small wrists and the smaller version of the watch works great.
9. It is very easy to turn off alarms/nags on the watch -- opt for "Do Not Disturb" in Glances - or just turn on Do Not Disturb on your phone.

I do worry about theft, as I don't think there is any way right now to track down a stolen watch -- unlike iPad, iPhone etc. there is no GPS on board. But I'm pretty wowed with this watch.
posted by bearwife at 5:18 PM on May 4, 2015


. I can take calls on my watch, which is darn handy. My watch remote controls my music on my phone

Right there is all I care about...
posted by mikelieman at 5:57 PM on May 4, 2015




Let’s be honest: Smart watches are dumb.

I'll say this without snark: I'm sorry it didn't work out for him, but this is a pretty bad article to put his name on.

Having worn an Apple Watch for just over two weeks now, I think it is pretty nifty. It is *not* like a new platform that will radically change my life. Instead, it's a little luxury that lets me decide when I need to pull out my phone from my pocket on my time. I've reclaimed the "Might it be an emergency?" phone checks, among many other things.

Here's The Guardian reposting Marco Arment's blog post about redesigning the Overcast watch extension (can they just do that kind of re-post?). Not coincidentally, Overcast is the only app I've regularly used on the watch, and the redesign has made it better yet.

Not having to fish out the phone to adjust volume or skip forward or back - that's super handy. Reminders to get up and walk - neat. Customizable watch faces - cute. Discreet notification taps - damn useful. Digital touch - you've got to try it out back and forth to "get" that.

The Watch seems to fit on a continuum somewhere between the iPhone and, say, a Bluetooth headset — part peripheral, part computer — and it will likely stay there... Not every computing device should or will become a general-purpose platform.

I think that's closer to correct than "Smart Watches are dumb".
posted by RedOrGreen at 11:58 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


« Older Google Paul Rand... oh, nevermind   |   “Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.” Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments