"Optimization For The Motorola RAZR"
May 1, 2015 10:13 AM   Subscribe

 
Wow, you can really see all 30 years worth of work that they put into this!
posted by blue_beetle at 10:23 AM on May 1, 2015


The primary goal of The Onion’s redesign is to make our world-class journalism more accessible to the masses. With that in mind, we have implemented a new "infinite scroll" feature, which allows users to simply move down to the bottom of the page in order to load a new article.

It's one of those design decisions where I want to find the person responsible for it and never let them near a computer again.
posted by jeather at 10:27 AM on May 1, 2015 [11 favorites]


Additional Features of The Onion's New Website:

1. Unlimited Clicks
The Onion’s site has no cap or limitations on the number of clicks per reader each month.


This may have been intended as a joke, but it's better than many actual online newspapers with their "only 10 articles until the start of the next month, or you clear your cookies, whichever comes first" policies.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:38 AM on May 1, 2015 [9 favorites]


That reminds me of a friend who called AT&T to ask about roaming plans for an international trip, and they bragged to him that ALL of their plans included "free international wifi."
posted by almostmanda at 10:48 AM on May 1, 2015 [3 favorites]


5. No Plate Tectonics
Absolutely no content on The Onion's new website will ever advance the preposterous notion of tectonic plates or even mention the phrase "plate tectonics." Ever. That's our guarantee to you.


Don't ever change, Onion. Oh, wait, they have changed.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:56 AM on May 1, 2015 [2 favorites]


The Onion: This may have been intended as a joke, but it's better than many actual online newspapers
posted by RogerB at 10:59 AM on May 1, 2015 [6 favorites]


More seriously: I'd be interested in seeing more of the things this parodies, like the somewhat cringeworthy announcement from the New York Times that this called to mind. It's a pretty apt impression of the ridiculous way newspapers talk about redesigning their websites.
posted by RogerB at 11:10 AM on May 1, 2015 [2 favorites]


Infinite scroll is an abomination, and needs to die.

Their hamburger menu adds absolutely nothing of value. I hope they remove it.

I'm torn on sticky headers. They work well in some contexts, but simply end up stealing real-estate most of the time... Metafilter's works well, and I think that The Onion did a good job with theirs.
posted by schmod at 11:25 AM on May 1, 2015 [2 favorites]


[Unlimited clicks] may have been intended as a joke, but it's better than many actual online newspapers with their "only 10 articles until the start of the next month, or you clear your cookies, whichever comes first" policies.

And The Onion was one of those papers, for those of us living outside the US. The cap was something like 5 per month. Low enough that I just stopped reading altogether.

A minute of randomly clicking on stuff suggests that they really did lift the cap. (But maybe they did that a while ago, and I just never noticed?)
posted by Banknote of the year at 11:42 AM on May 1, 2015 [4 favorites]


Metafilter's works well...

I never see it, so it took me a minute to remember that there's one of those sticky things in the new theme. Imho, "sticky headers" (and docks, side panels and other assorted cruft) are an abomination that needs to disappear as soon as possible. The only reason I still use Chrome is the "inspect element" function that lets you delete such things from the page.

The new Onion design isn't too bad as these things go. Unlike most redesigns it still lets you see their content in an organized fashion, with each third of the screen acting as a different section. (You still have to scroll more than before, but at least there's a point to it.) It's a lot more useful than Wired's design, or the new design of the Atlantic.
posted by Kevin Street at 11:43 AM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]


Web users are universally dimwitted, incompetent, and effectively brainless—not to mention often physically repulsive—and for that reason, the newly designed website will feature curated content from The Onion’s award-winning staff of editors.

The homepage contains a dedicated section with recommended articles for readers like you who are undoubtedly too dumb to find such things on your own. Moreover, the curated content will update every few hours in order to more efficiently and effectively herd all of you like the hapless, thick-skulled cattle you are.


It helps if you read it in Frank Underwood's voice.

Or James Spader's.
posted by zarq at 11:46 AM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]


The only reason I still use Chrome is the "inspect element" function that lets you delete such things from the page.

There are various Firefox extensions that will let you do this, such as ublock.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:56 AM on May 1, 2015 [2 favorites]


~he only reason I still use Chrome is the "inspect element" function that lets you delete such things from the page.
~There are various Firefox extensions that will let you do this, such as ublock.


Newer versions of Firefox do this right out of the box. It's a godsend when encountering gawdalmighty responsive sites that never seem to get things lined-up right, so you have nav elements, images, or ads overlapping the actual stuff you came to look at/read.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:05 PM on May 1, 2015


"Simply open the sidebar located in the upper-left corner of the page and shriek the name of any section as loud as you possibly can."

MeFi pony request?

Aaaaaaaaasssssssk!!!
posted by mrgoat at 12:06 PM on May 1, 2015 [5 favorites]


This is one of the few website redesigns I've ever seen that actually seems more pleasant to my eyes than it did before. Good job The Onion.
posted by bleep at 12:41 PM on May 1, 2015


I actually like the infinite scroll feature at least for the Onion as their articles take about 5 seconds to read.
posted by bleep at 12:42 PM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]


Daily Currant: publishes article titled "Daily Currant Releases Website with Red Colors", adds a red square to header
posted by chimpsonfilm at 1:25 PM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]


"User feedback on The Onion’s new website is strictly prohibited. "

*dies and is ded*
posted by Deoridhe at 1:52 PM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]


Does anybody have an old 2004 Razr to test this claim?

"The Onion's website is specifically designed to be enjoyed on Motorola’s popular 2004 edition of the RAZR cell phone. The site's display and interactive features are optimized for the RAZR’s 2.2-inch screen, keypad, and 13.5-megabyte memory. "

Because it strikes me as the sort of Easter Egg someone would really do. (Not the anti-optimized for everything else bit, but just a special mobile version for 2004 Razr)
posted by symbioid at 2:32 PM on May 1, 2015 [2 favorites]


I still miss my 2004 Razr - that was the best phone ever. If I had one to test this on I would be so happy.
posted by bleep at 6:37 PM on May 1, 2015 [1 favorite]


The only reason I still use Chrome is the "inspect element" function that lets you delete such things from the page.
...
Newer versions of Firefox do this right out of the box.

IE also does this out of the box. I don't use Safari but apparently it has a semi-awkward way of doing it, too.
posted by Jpfed at 6:55 PM on May 1, 2015


Infinite scroll, die in hell.
posted by spitbull at 6:53 AM on May 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have a 2014 Razr.
I think.
It doesn't play with Ubuntu.
(Which, yes, is an actual tragedy somewhere between the Apple iWatch and tattoos and the Nepal Earthquake... closer to one than the other).

Also, it is hilarious I have opened this Onion article and the Buzzfeed article on BHO.
posted by Mezentian at 7:03 AM on May 2, 2015


Area Media Company Makes Money
So The Onion’s new design will seem familiar to anyone with a hearty media diet. All the fashionable flourishes are there: larger headlines; infinite scrolling; a responsive design fit for desktop, tablet, and mobile screens; a ton of white space; basically, the works. (Also: "unlimited clicks," "optimization for the Motorola RAZR," and "no plate tectonics.") It's an attempt to keep up with the visual language of digital media, and as far as I can tell, it succeeds.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:54 PM on May 2, 2015


"User feedback on The Onion’s new website is strictly prohibited. "

I'm not sure if we're even allowed to have this conversation.
posted by el io at 10:11 PM on May 2, 2015


Also, great to hear about this. Without this thread I would never visited the Onion again. The 5 article limitation kept me away since shortly after they instituted it.
posted by el io at 10:17 PM on May 2, 2015


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